Wolf Lake (2011) s01e07 Episode Script
Leader of the Pack
Man: Reminder, all league games must be completed tonight.
Man: Just a few more questions, Mr.
Blackstone.
Anything I can do to help.
Because we're having a hard time understanding how this crisis came to its present resolution.
Right.
Well, I'll go over it again, but it happened really fast.
Move! Move let's go I said, move! Man: No, no, no.
I was referring to the actual succession process itself.
I thought we were all agreed, and you'll correct me if I'm wrong here, Malachai was supposed to replace Willard Cates.
That's right.
SO What happened? Health problems.
He had a weak heart.
Hmm .
Well, according to our information, Malachai had a pitchfork shoved clean through his upper torso puncturing both his lungs and, oh, severing his spinal cord.
That's about the worst thing you can do to someone with a bad heart.
(Music plays) man: Perhaps I'm being unclear.
From our perspective, and even considering the abrupt change in candidates, it seems the process got completely out of hand.
Okay, maybe I wasn't being as attentive as I should have been.
You know, I have almost $30,000 worth of stereo equipment in my house.
It's It's beyond music.
It's, um A sonic massage.
Man: Mr.
Blackstone.
Mr.
Blackstone? Hmm? Mr.
Blackstone, could you explain to us about John Kanin? What makes him so important? Oh.
Well, to tell you the truth, I thought it a good idea at first, but I've been having a devil of a time trying to work him into the story lately.
Man: Try.
Well, first you have to know about the sex part.
What's a BOLA again from the State Police? "Be On the Lookout For.
" I can't get it to print.
The sex part? Yep.
Here, let me take a whack at it for you.
Blackstone: When you lose a leader, it's normal.
The whole pack goes kinda hormonal.
Thanks.
They're sending a jpeg attachment.
It's probably a photograph.
These things take a few seconds to download.
Does that feel good? Yeah.
Hey ' Molly, you know your hands are burning up.
What do you got there, a fever or something? No, it's just me.
My temperature at this time of year runs a few degrees hot.
( Beeping ) So, I'm gonna go to the Rendezvous and check out if anybody matching this, uh matching this description has checked in in the last couple of days.
Okay, yeah .
Hurry back.
Blackstone: Yes, sir, they were an odd pair of bank robbers.
Brothers, as it turns out.
Adam and Eddy, wondering in looking for a room and a chance to renew their dying romance.
Man: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I thought you said they were brothers.
Blackstone: Did I? ( Bell ringing ) Adam and Eddy O'Hara.
They have the same last name.
Ah, yes, you're right.
They were brothers.
But they were also lovers.
Wait-- brothers and lovers? Blackstone: Sordid, but true.
It all started one night in a backwoods cabin in Idaho.
Man: Mr.
Blackstone, I'm concerned.
Somehow despite numerous attempts, I haven't been able to express to you exactly how much we need you to hone in on what went wrong with the process.
Process P? Of replacing Willard Cates.
This voting business is new, I'm told.
We thought we'd give democracy a shot.
If that didn't work we could always go back to the last act of Hamlet.
Well, Mr.
Blackstone, there is some question as to whether it did indeed work.
That is essentially why we're here.
Oh, in that case, we should take a hard look at the axis.
The fulcrum.
The pivot on which the crisis turned.
Okay.
All right.
Let's hone in on that.
You want Luke Cates.
Shh.
You know people in Seattle, right? What's going on, Luke? Don't you have any family, relatives, anything there? Yeah, I have an uncle on my mother's side and some cousins, why? Okay, listen.
I'm being watched, okay? There's something going down here tonight and I have to get out of here real fast.
Like immediately.
You're talking about running? Do you have any idea what's going on in here tonight? They're choosing a new Board of Directors for the brewery.
No, Sophia, it's a lot more heavier than that.
Listen, you run the brewery in this town, you run the entire pack, okay? I have a car waiting in the back just in case.
- Luke, I don't-- - Shh please.
Do you remember MacNeice's history class last year? What's the first thing that the Ottoman Emperor did when he ascended to the throne? He executed all his brothers.
It's the same deal.
Do you think the new boss is going to want the son of the old boss running around town, getting bigger, getting Strong? Hey, Luke.
Mr.
Creed would like a moment of your time.
Perhaps we should pause for a minute and discuss the definition of the word, "hone.
" Wait, you'll miss the juicy bit.
Blackstone: Yes, Luke's fate was on everybody's mind that night and it set off an unprecedented chain of events.
Wait a minute, hold it right there.
It's hard for me to imagine that V.
Cates, intent on protecting her family's last male heir, would so distract herself by engaging in public sex.
That didn't really happen, did it, Mr.
Blackstone? Well, no.
I just sensed a lull in the room and I just You know, I'm going to assume that there's going to be something salient at the end of this little dogleg.
I'm also going to assume there will be no more embellishments.
Well, without embellishments, it's not storytelling, - it's just news.
- Good, right, exactly.
Give us the news.
And minus the accordion if you don't mind.
Oh, all right.
But the real conversation wasn't nearly as much fun.
Who sprang for the Veuve Cliquot? All in the name of a more civilized evening.
It's working so far.
Well, if that's important to you, why not erase all possibility of mischief? Oh, and how would I do that? Look around you.
Everyone's watching, waiting.
All of your friends are here.
Give them the leader they want.
The leader they should have had 16 years ago.
It's hard to be a leader when you've got nowhere to go.
There are lives at stake.
My son's for example.
What do you think I'm doing here? Make sure this evening's process is bloodless.
And what about tomorrow? Or the next day? Or the day after that? I can't, Viv.
You know I can't.
You have to.
There you are.
Being your royal self? Gerald, how nice to see you.
You're spending too much time with this lug.
You need to be with a real gentleman for a while.
I'm curious as to how someone like Gerald, a dark horse at best, could become such a serious contender.
What happened to Stokes? Wasn't he up there on the list? Drinking problem.
According to my notes,.
He swallowed two ounces of sulfuric acid, mixed in a White Russian.
That's the worst thing you can do to someone with a drinking problem.
So, by process of elimination, Gerald was left to represent the old guard.
Ahh.
Tyler, you smell this? Veal sausage, almost raw.
Doesn't it make your mouth water? Gluttony.
The last of the seven deadly sins.
There's only one sin as far as I'm concerned.
Avarice.
Wanting more than you require is the first step towards damnation.
But wanting less than you deserve is against nature and also a sin.
Called sloth.
What? You talk just like your father.
I lost my father at a shareholder's meeting just like this one.
Yes, I remember Very sad.
How's your mother by the way? Incredible bitch.
You promised Will Cates that you'd support me.
Over Malachai and Stokes but alas, they're no longer with us.
Ruby Cates is my wife now.
And that makes me next in line.
Maybe.
But you just can't seem to shake your youth and your inexperience.
Look at yourself, Tyler.
Salivating over designer clothes and hair product like some ungulate mall rat.
We need to toughen up.
The old ways, that's what made us, kept us strong.
Before we got spoiled by cable and central heat.
Don't think I'm going to take this lying down.
You can take it in whatever position you find most comfortable.
Okay, quick recap.
Let me see if I can make some sense of this.
Pin in Luke.
Gerald facing Tyler.
The incestuous brothers are just checking in.
But it occurs to me that we've avoided one pertinent point entirely, and you'll forgive me for asking such an obvious question, but it seems to me that the whole process got off to a rather unwieldy start with the premature death of Willard Cates.
You wouldn't happen to know who murdered him, would you? Yes .
Yeah, I do.
Thank God.
So it was Tyler? It most certainly could have been.
But on the other hand the deaths of Malachai and Stokes directly benefited Gerald Carter.
Of course, there's a couple of other theories I have.
Okay, who was that last woman? Beats me, but she was pretty though, wasn't she? I SQQ.
Well.
A veritable trove of theories.
Since we can't ascertain to the identity of Mr.
Cates' executioner, if it's not too much trouble, I'd like to take you back to the evening I question.
I seem to recall that you owe us a Luke and Tyler scene.
Brother-in-law.
You're avoiding me.
What the hell are you talking about? I've been here all night.
In spirit, Luke.
You're avoiding me in spirit.
Truth is, we're surprised to see your ugly mug here at all.
Ever wonder why your mother would drag you out on such an inhospitable evening? For what possible purpose, do you think, would she want to put your mortality on display? Well, at this point, it might help to know that Luke caught his mother and Tyler in flagrant Delmonico.
And at his father's funeral no less.
I don't know, Tyler.
Why don't you ask her yourself ? He looks lonely.
Keep him company, would you? Yeah.
Steady, steady there.
Sorry.
No, it's no problem.
Listen, this is probably a wild goose chase, but you haven't seen either of these guys in here tonight, have you? NO.
Oh, wait Anyone check into the lodge tonight? Some men came in here earlier.
I don't know, I don't have no idea.
Thanks Excuse me.
Right.
NOW I Seem to recall that there was a rather interesting proposal made during this buffet.
Interesting? It was downright indecent.
Are you seeing what I'm seeing? Yeah, meat, meat, meat.
Someone's taking this low-carb thing too far.
No, no, no The people.
They're loaded.
Look at all that jewelry.
I bet we can roll 'em.
What do you think? During dessert.
I thought we came up here to be away.
And get to know one another again.
Since we got here, you've been scoping that boy.
- What boy? - You know which one.
In the bar.
Come on .
Don't be like that.
1 hardly even noticed him.
Who says we can't get closer and rob this place all at the same time? I say we fence the metal in Vancouver and we take a nice train trip down the coast.
How would you like that? I'll let you wear my pajamas.
Marry me, Eddy.
What? Marry me.
Let's do this place and then head for Vermont.
I mean it.
How are we going to explain that to Mom? Mr.
Blackstone.
Yes? This was not the proposal I was talking about.
It wasn't? NO.
I meant the other one.
I've been thinking.
The answer is still no, Vivian.
A right-wing throwback with half a prostate or a thirty-something Hotspur masquerading as a cologne ad.
That is no choice, Matt.
Now, if running things yourself is a problem, there is another way.
Which is? Well, they say that politics makes strange bedfellows.
If you're suggesting what I think you are, I think you've had far too much champagne.
I am sober as a stone.
Your first husband is barely two weeks in the ground.
They also say extraordinary times deserve extraordinary measures.
A marriage of convenience ? A marriage to keep the peace.
To protect your son.
That is part of it, of course.
But that's not all of it.
Throw you hat into the ring, Matt, before it's too late.
Wolf Lake needs you.
Besides, would it be so awful sleeping with me every night? I called my cousin in Seattle, I don't know him really well, but he's a great guy and he said you could crash at his place for a few days.
Okay, cool Thanks.
I owe you big time.
Do you have any money? I've got like 200 bucks.
No, no, no, no, no, not here, not here.
My cousin's address and phone number.
What are you doing? It's nothing, okay? It's just another $60.
I'd give you more but I don't-- No, Sophia, I can't-- I can't take this.
Luke, please, you have to take it and you have to go.
Go now.
I'll pay you back them minute I get a job.
You know, I can't come back.
Ever.
I know.
So this may be it.
Hey, what's up guys? Big night for your dad.
Gerald's sons.
Okay now what? And now, we get to one of the most important parts of the evening.
The vote, yes? Exactly.
Uh, but wait one second.
Did Eddy ever say yes to Adam? About what? Getting married.
Oh, yes, good point.
I'll get back to that later, but right now, I'm honing.
And the nominations are Tyler Creed and Gerald Carter.
Anyone else? Anyone at all? Donner, party of one? Your table's waiting.
No? Going once, twice And the floor is closed.
Now, before we give away his desk, and his job and his house, I would like to pause for a moment and say a few words about my good friend, Willard Cates, who ran our brewery and this community for 25 years, and was, in addition, my friend.
Willard's dead.
( laughing ) Thanks.
I'll be here all week.
Well, let's end the suspense, ladies and gentlemen.
Who will be the next Chief Executive Officer of Wolf Lake Brewery? Well, fill out your ballots, pass them forward.
And do you know the results of this election, Mr.
Blackstone? Yes .
Yes, I do.
It was a tie.
A tie? Yeah.
That's when things started to get ugly.
Wait, wait, everyone, just a second.
Let me just do a quick recount here.
It shouldn't take me but a second.
Don't have any hanging chads.
Yep, it's a tie.
I just want to remind everybody that this is going to be a peaceful and orderly process.
I don't know, I just can't tell from here.
I'm gonna take a closer look.
Great butt.
You must work out.
These guys might be the bank robbers who murdered six people in Portland.
Let's-- let's try to keep our minds on that, okay? Okay, hold on.
What does Kanin have to do with the tie vote? Nothing.
I just get bored with politics after a while, but that Molly's so tasty.
If Kanin had only been able to make his ID, this whole story would've had a different ending.
But who would've thought that a shave and a really bad haircut could've fooled a seasoned detective like John Kanin.
Okay, we're not really honing here now, are we? Let's hone, hone, hone.
All right, everybody just sit down, please.
Sit down.
I think we can come to a compromise here.
Matt's got a good point.
There's no reason for violence here.
The man who would be king, clinging to the local sheriff like an old woman afraid to cross the street.
Man: Take that, Gerald! Where's your wife, Tyler? Shouldn't be Ruby Cates be here for the election of her father's successor? Oh, that's right, you can't take her out, can you? She might be seen by our new Deputy Sheriff, Mr.
Kanin.
Ask yourselves, do you really want to be led by a male who's afraid to be seen in public with his own wife? All right, that's enough! That is enough! That's enough, back off! I'm warning the both of you right now, if this gets settled by a murder, the winner pays the consequences.
I mean it.
But it was settled with murder, wasn't it, Mr.
Blackstone? In fact, several murders.
That wasn't entirely our fault.
Some of the blame must be borne by our star-crossed lovers.
- Man: I hate this.
- Oh, come on.
Don't take it so hard.
It wouldn't be a real marriage anyway.
One step out of Vermont and it's not even legal.
Since when did you start worrying if something was legal? Look where we are: The Honeymoon Suite.
Do you think this was just a coincidence? Let's just stay in for tonight.
Take a Jacuzzi, watch TV.
Why do we always have to spend our time robbing and killing people? 'Cause we're violent, sexually dysfunctional psychopaths.
But that doesn't mean we can't be happy.
Mr.
Blackstone, Mr.
Blackstone! What? YOU are.
You are filling every conceivable turn in this little fable of yours with either some form of gratuitous violence or sexual perversion.
Actually, I'm trying to leave my personal life out of this.
Is there any way on earth that we might return to the second round of voting ? Absolutely.
Thank you.
One more thing before the big explosion.
This is important, trust me.
Remember when I said Luke was to play a pivotal role ? Distantly, as from a previous life.
You know the restrooms by the pool tables? Nobody's watching those windows, you can slip right though.
No, those restrooms are locked.
I already tried 'em.
I stole the master key from the front desk.
You can sneak out through the lounge and lock the diner door behind you and I'll lock the front doors before they go inside.
That way you can get out and nobody can follow you.
I won't be able to get beyond the lobby.
Can you get me the key with everybody watching? Get your cake and go back to your corner.
I'm not hungry.
Then just go back to your corner.
Hi, Sophia.
You know, if I were you, I wouldn't be making any long term commitments right now.
In fact, your whole future probably caps out around midnight.
Yeah? Well, with the way you've been treating me lately, you better hope so.
You see, that I like.
Woo! - Hey, Rusty, how's it going ? - Hey, Sheriff.
Hey! Hey! Hey! What the-- What was that? What are you doing? I don't want to talk about it.
You think that boy cares about you at all? You're wrong, Sophia, that's not what he's after.
I don't care what he's after.
I care about what's after him.
And if I know how much danger's he's in, then you know.
(man) Oh, this is hell.
Mr.
Blackstone? Yes? I don't care anymore if I've missed some valuable bit of context or some genuine emotional truth, I just want the facts, Mr.
Blackstone.
The facts.
Blackstone: Well, the facts are as follows.
Sophia had a plan.
What she was in the process of carrying out, though damned if I understood a single word of it.
Man: Did you? Everyone returned to the lounge for the second vote.
You stepped out onto the stage, no doubt intending to regale the crowd with another example of your rapier wit.
Well, this is going on too long.
I think we're going to have to call this an award show.
And the brewery goes to Gerald and Tyler nominated themselves again, as expected.
But then there was a surprise.
Just a minute, Sherman.
One second.
I would like to make a nomination.
I realize this may sound unorthodox to many of you, but I want you to think about it because I think it would make a very good compromise.
I nominate Vivian Cates.
Man: What Are you crazy? Man: No way, no way.
Females can't lead, it's a biological impossibility.
Blackstone: Meanwhile, the bank robbing brotherly boyfriends found their plan needed some improvisation.
And Luke Cates took advantage of the confusion to make his escape.
Order, order! Now, everyone just sit down.
Move, Move! Private party, back! I said move! ( Gun blasting ) Okay, everybody, shut up! - Luke! - I said shut up! Thank you.
Man: So now that we are there, in the lounge, at the end of this long ordeal, do you think you can tell me, since you were present and a witness and for all I know, a participant in the evening's horror, exactly how these grisly murders took place? Yes .
I don't think you're going to like it, but, yes.
Yes, I can.
I knew right away these guys meant business and we were in a life threatening situation, so I took evasive action immediately.
By keeping a cool head and setting an example for others, I probably saved countless lives.
I'm sure you were an absolute beacon.
That's me.
It don't take a genius to figure out what we're here for, but let's keep it simple, okay? Everybody, single file.
No pissing and moaning.
Wallets and jewelry in this bag and do not kid yourselves.
We will terminate anybody who is not cooperating.
Or who tries to hide their valuables.
( laughing ) What's so funny? Nothing.
My brother asked you what's funny? It's just that you guys have definitely picked the wrong party to crash.
Oh, yeah? On! All right, one more time.
Oh, yeah? On! Some things are better the second time around.
Mr.
Blackstone, we have to move this along.
Alright, no more side trips, promise.
Molly: Towel service, hello? Empty- God, I love this bed.
Mmm .
It feels so good.
Bingo.
Teflon coated.
Cop killers These guys are hardcore.
This is feeling like a side trip.
All right, now let's not rush to judgment.
I'm out of control.
You may have to cuff me.
All right, look, Molly.
Do you always wear underwear like that? Okay, Molly, Molly, look, we're on duty, all right? Break time.
Okay, Molly.
Molly Molly ( distant gunshots ) What's the point of all this? Oh, I think it's clear.
Discipline in the law enforcement community is at an all-time low.
But, okay, okay- What the hell are we doing? Why are we putting up with this? There's only two of 'em.
They were all fired up in the lounge.
If we rush them, these boys don't stand a chance.
You can't kill all of us.
Yes! The future of this clan was now officially up for grabs.
Man: Maury's Vacuum Repair to lane five, please.
Maury's Vacuum Repair, we're waiting for you.
Can we just cut to the defining moment? Is that too much to ask, Mr.
Blackstone? Well, if you asked me that at the beginning, we would've been out of here by now.
Man: Okay! People, let's unload! I'll go first.
You've done this before.
We don't need your clothes.
Maybe Dad would like the dress.
Who's next? YOU are.
( Screaming ) Gerald's kids.
Anything? I think it's safe to assume they've been through here.
( Breathing ) ( applauding ) Shh.
I think we have a winner.
One lingering question, gentlemen.
We have to ask ourselves.
Is there, by any stretch of the imagination, or any remote chance, or any miracle of the divine providence, even one iota of truth in this man's testimony? You're starting to sound like that Kanin fellow.
Would you just look at all this stuff? I'm sorry, this just doesn't make any sense to me.
We got their money, their guns, their bags, why would they leave those behind? How did they escape in that amount of time? Please feel free to explain any of this to me.
Really, Mr.
Kanin.
What possible insight could I have into the inner workings of a criminal mind? They were there one minute and next they were gone.
So unless you are suggesting that we ate them, I'd like to be excused.
It has been a very long evening and I am exhausted.
Sheriff, a little help here? Anything.
Well, I think you call the State Police, you file your report, have somebody come in and pick all this stuff up and then we'll let them take it from here.
Madam Chairman, can I walk you to the door? Thank you.
Good night, Mr.
Kanin.
I hope you're not gonna be all weird tomorrow.
Well, congratulations, V.
I think you made a little history tonight.
Yes .
And we did not have to make that terrible political choice after all.
Yeah, well, we got lucky this time.
It's been a lot worse.
But still, those two brothers It was us or them.
Remember that.
And when you get right down to it, it is always us or them.
I respectfully disagree.
Not always.
I asked you 16 years ago and I ask you again tonight, for all the wrong reasons.
And I'm going to ask you again for the right ones.
Will you marry me? Oh, all right.
Do you know the answer to that question, Mr.
Blackstone? Yes .
Yes, I do.
( laughing ) Jerk.
Stay tuned for scenes from our next episode.
(Music plays)
Man: Just a few more questions, Mr.
Blackstone.
Anything I can do to help.
Because we're having a hard time understanding how this crisis came to its present resolution.
Right.
Well, I'll go over it again, but it happened really fast.
Move! Move let's go I said, move! Man: No, no, no.
I was referring to the actual succession process itself.
I thought we were all agreed, and you'll correct me if I'm wrong here, Malachai was supposed to replace Willard Cates.
That's right.
SO What happened? Health problems.
He had a weak heart.
Hmm .
Well, according to our information, Malachai had a pitchfork shoved clean through his upper torso puncturing both his lungs and, oh, severing his spinal cord.
That's about the worst thing you can do to someone with a bad heart.
(Music plays) man: Perhaps I'm being unclear.
From our perspective, and even considering the abrupt change in candidates, it seems the process got completely out of hand.
Okay, maybe I wasn't being as attentive as I should have been.
You know, I have almost $30,000 worth of stereo equipment in my house.
It's It's beyond music.
It's, um A sonic massage.
Man: Mr.
Blackstone.
Mr.
Blackstone? Hmm? Mr.
Blackstone, could you explain to us about John Kanin? What makes him so important? Oh.
Well, to tell you the truth, I thought it a good idea at first, but I've been having a devil of a time trying to work him into the story lately.
Man: Try.
Well, first you have to know about the sex part.
What's a BOLA again from the State Police? "Be On the Lookout For.
" I can't get it to print.
The sex part? Yep.
Here, let me take a whack at it for you.
Blackstone: When you lose a leader, it's normal.
The whole pack goes kinda hormonal.
Thanks.
They're sending a jpeg attachment.
It's probably a photograph.
These things take a few seconds to download.
Does that feel good? Yeah.
Hey ' Molly, you know your hands are burning up.
What do you got there, a fever or something? No, it's just me.
My temperature at this time of year runs a few degrees hot.
( Beeping ) So, I'm gonna go to the Rendezvous and check out if anybody matching this, uh matching this description has checked in in the last couple of days.
Okay, yeah .
Hurry back.
Blackstone: Yes, sir, they were an odd pair of bank robbers.
Brothers, as it turns out.
Adam and Eddy, wondering in looking for a room and a chance to renew their dying romance.
Man: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I thought you said they were brothers.
Blackstone: Did I? ( Bell ringing ) Adam and Eddy O'Hara.
They have the same last name.
Ah, yes, you're right.
They were brothers.
But they were also lovers.
Wait-- brothers and lovers? Blackstone: Sordid, but true.
It all started one night in a backwoods cabin in Idaho.
Man: Mr.
Blackstone, I'm concerned.
Somehow despite numerous attempts, I haven't been able to express to you exactly how much we need you to hone in on what went wrong with the process.
Process P? Of replacing Willard Cates.
This voting business is new, I'm told.
We thought we'd give democracy a shot.
If that didn't work we could always go back to the last act of Hamlet.
Well, Mr.
Blackstone, there is some question as to whether it did indeed work.
That is essentially why we're here.
Oh, in that case, we should take a hard look at the axis.
The fulcrum.
The pivot on which the crisis turned.
Okay.
All right.
Let's hone in on that.
You want Luke Cates.
Shh.
You know people in Seattle, right? What's going on, Luke? Don't you have any family, relatives, anything there? Yeah, I have an uncle on my mother's side and some cousins, why? Okay, listen.
I'm being watched, okay? There's something going down here tonight and I have to get out of here real fast.
Like immediately.
You're talking about running? Do you have any idea what's going on in here tonight? They're choosing a new Board of Directors for the brewery.
No, Sophia, it's a lot more heavier than that.
Listen, you run the brewery in this town, you run the entire pack, okay? I have a car waiting in the back just in case.
- Luke, I don't-- - Shh please.
Do you remember MacNeice's history class last year? What's the first thing that the Ottoman Emperor did when he ascended to the throne? He executed all his brothers.
It's the same deal.
Do you think the new boss is going to want the son of the old boss running around town, getting bigger, getting Strong? Hey, Luke.
Mr.
Creed would like a moment of your time.
Perhaps we should pause for a minute and discuss the definition of the word, "hone.
" Wait, you'll miss the juicy bit.
Blackstone: Yes, Luke's fate was on everybody's mind that night and it set off an unprecedented chain of events.
Wait a minute, hold it right there.
It's hard for me to imagine that V.
Cates, intent on protecting her family's last male heir, would so distract herself by engaging in public sex.
That didn't really happen, did it, Mr.
Blackstone? Well, no.
I just sensed a lull in the room and I just You know, I'm going to assume that there's going to be something salient at the end of this little dogleg.
I'm also going to assume there will be no more embellishments.
Well, without embellishments, it's not storytelling, - it's just news.
- Good, right, exactly.
Give us the news.
And minus the accordion if you don't mind.
Oh, all right.
But the real conversation wasn't nearly as much fun.
Who sprang for the Veuve Cliquot? All in the name of a more civilized evening.
It's working so far.
Well, if that's important to you, why not erase all possibility of mischief? Oh, and how would I do that? Look around you.
Everyone's watching, waiting.
All of your friends are here.
Give them the leader they want.
The leader they should have had 16 years ago.
It's hard to be a leader when you've got nowhere to go.
There are lives at stake.
My son's for example.
What do you think I'm doing here? Make sure this evening's process is bloodless.
And what about tomorrow? Or the next day? Or the day after that? I can't, Viv.
You know I can't.
You have to.
There you are.
Being your royal self? Gerald, how nice to see you.
You're spending too much time with this lug.
You need to be with a real gentleman for a while.
I'm curious as to how someone like Gerald, a dark horse at best, could become such a serious contender.
What happened to Stokes? Wasn't he up there on the list? Drinking problem.
According to my notes,.
He swallowed two ounces of sulfuric acid, mixed in a White Russian.
That's the worst thing you can do to someone with a drinking problem.
So, by process of elimination, Gerald was left to represent the old guard.
Ahh.
Tyler, you smell this? Veal sausage, almost raw.
Doesn't it make your mouth water? Gluttony.
The last of the seven deadly sins.
There's only one sin as far as I'm concerned.
Avarice.
Wanting more than you require is the first step towards damnation.
But wanting less than you deserve is against nature and also a sin.
Called sloth.
What? You talk just like your father.
I lost my father at a shareholder's meeting just like this one.
Yes, I remember Very sad.
How's your mother by the way? Incredible bitch.
You promised Will Cates that you'd support me.
Over Malachai and Stokes but alas, they're no longer with us.
Ruby Cates is my wife now.
And that makes me next in line.
Maybe.
But you just can't seem to shake your youth and your inexperience.
Look at yourself, Tyler.
Salivating over designer clothes and hair product like some ungulate mall rat.
We need to toughen up.
The old ways, that's what made us, kept us strong.
Before we got spoiled by cable and central heat.
Don't think I'm going to take this lying down.
You can take it in whatever position you find most comfortable.
Okay, quick recap.
Let me see if I can make some sense of this.
Pin in Luke.
Gerald facing Tyler.
The incestuous brothers are just checking in.
But it occurs to me that we've avoided one pertinent point entirely, and you'll forgive me for asking such an obvious question, but it seems to me that the whole process got off to a rather unwieldy start with the premature death of Willard Cates.
You wouldn't happen to know who murdered him, would you? Yes .
Yeah, I do.
Thank God.
So it was Tyler? It most certainly could have been.
But on the other hand the deaths of Malachai and Stokes directly benefited Gerald Carter.
Of course, there's a couple of other theories I have.
Okay, who was that last woman? Beats me, but she was pretty though, wasn't she? I SQQ.
Well.
A veritable trove of theories.
Since we can't ascertain to the identity of Mr.
Cates' executioner, if it's not too much trouble, I'd like to take you back to the evening I question.
I seem to recall that you owe us a Luke and Tyler scene.
Brother-in-law.
You're avoiding me.
What the hell are you talking about? I've been here all night.
In spirit, Luke.
You're avoiding me in spirit.
Truth is, we're surprised to see your ugly mug here at all.
Ever wonder why your mother would drag you out on such an inhospitable evening? For what possible purpose, do you think, would she want to put your mortality on display? Well, at this point, it might help to know that Luke caught his mother and Tyler in flagrant Delmonico.
And at his father's funeral no less.
I don't know, Tyler.
Why don't you ask her yourself ? He looks lonely.
Keep him company, would you? Yeah.
Steady, steady there.
Sorry.
No, it's no problem.
Listen, this is probably a wild goose chase, but you haven't seen either of these guys in here tonight, have you? NO.
Oh, wait Anyone check into the lodge tonight? Some men came in here earlier.
I don't know, I don't have no idea.
Thanks Excuse me.
Right.
NOW I Seem to recall that there was a rather interesting proposal made during this buffet.
Interesting? It was downright indecent.
Are you seeing what I'm seeing? Yeah, meat, meat, meat.
Someone's taking this low-carb thing too far.
No, no, no The people.
They're loaded.
Look at all that jewelry.
I bet we can roll 'em.
What do you think? During dessert.
I thought we came up here to be away.
And get to know one another again.
Since we got here, you've been scoping that boy.
- What boy? - You know which one.
In the bar.
Come on .
Don't be like that.
1 hardly even noticed him.
Who says we can't get closer and rob this place all at the same time? I say we fence the metal in Vancouver and we take a nice train trip down the coast.
How would you like that? I'll let you wear my pajamas.
Marry me, Eddy.
What? Marry me.
Let's do this place and then head for Vermont.
I mean it.
How are we going to explain that to Mom? Mr.
Blackstone.
Yes? This was not the proposal I was talking about.
It wasn't? NO.
I meant the other one.
I've been thinking.
The answer is still no, Vivian.
A right-wing throwback with half a prostate or a thirty-something Hotspur masquerading as a cologne ad.
That is no choice, Matt.
Now, if running things yourself is a problem, there is another way.
Which is? Well, they say that politics makes strange bedfellows.
If you're suggesting what I think you are, I think you've had far too much champagne.
I am sober as a stone.
Your first husband is barely two weeks in the ground.
They also say extraordinary times deserve extraordinary measures.
A marriage of convenience ? A marriage to keep the peace.
To protect your son.
That is part of it, of course.
But that's not all of it.
Throw you hat into the ring, Matt, before it's too late.
Wolf Lake needs you.
Besides, would it be so awful sleeping with me every night? I called my cousin in Seattle, I don't know him really well, but he's a great guy and he said you could crash at his place for a few days.
Okay, cool Thanks.
I owe you big time.
Do you have any money? I've got like 200 bucks.
No, no, no, no, no, not here, not here.
My cousin's address and phone number.
What are you doing? It's nothing, okay? It's just another $60.
I'd give you more but I don't-- No, Sophia, I can't-- I can't take this.
Luke, please, you have to take it and you have to go.
Go now.
I'll pay you back them minute I get a job.
You know, I can't come back.
Ever.
I know.
So this may be it.
Hey, what's up guys? Big night for your dad.
Gerald's sons.
Okay now what? And now, we get to one of the most important parts of the evening.
The vote, yes? Exactly.
Uh, but wait one second.
Did Eddy ever say yes to Adam? About what? Getting married.
Oh, yes, good point.
I'll get back to that later, but right now, I'm honing.
And the nominations are Tyler Creed and Gerald Carter.
Anyone else? Anyone at all? Donner, party of one? Your table's waiting.
No? Going once, twice And the floor is closed.
Now, before we give away his desk, and his job and his house, I would like to pause for a moment and say a few words about my good friend, Willard Cates, who ran our brewery and this community for 25 years, and was, in addition, my friend.
Willard's dead.
( laughing ) Thanks.
I'll be here all week.
Well, let's end the suspense, ladies and gentlemen.
Who will be the next Chief Executive Officer of Wolf Lake Brewery? Well, fill out your ballots, pass them forward.
And do you know the results of this election, Mr.
Blackstone? Yes .
Yes, I do.
It was a tie.
A tie? Yeah.
That's when things started to get ugly.
Wait, wait, everyone, just a second.
Let me just do a quick recount here.
It shouldn't take me but a second.
Don't have any hanging chads.
Yep, it's a tie.
I just want to remind everybody that this is going to be a peaceful and orderly process.
I don't know, I just can't tell from here.
I'm gonna take a closer look.
Great butt.
You must work out.
These guys might be the bank robbers who murdered six people in Portland.
Let's-- let's try to keep our minds on that, okay? Okay, hold on.
What does Kanin have to do with the tie vote? Nothing.
I just get bored with politics after a while, but that Molly's so tasty.
If Kanin had only been able to make his ID, this whole story would've had a different ending.
But who would've thought that a shave and a really bad haircut could've fooled a seasoned detective like John Kanin.
Okay, we're not really honing here now, are we? Let's hone, hone, hone.
All right, everybody just sit down, please.
Sit down.
I think we can come to a compromise here.
Matt's got a good point.
There's no reason for violence here.
The man who would be king, clinging to the local sheriff like an old woman afraid to cross the street.
Man: Take that, Gerald! Where's your wife, Tyler? Shouldn't be Ruby Cates be here for the election of her father's successor? Oh, that's right, you can't take her out, can you? She might be seen by our new Deputy Sheriff, Mr.
Kanin.
Ask yourselves, do you really want to be led by a male who's afraid to be seen in public with his own wife? All right, that's enough! That is enough! That's enough, back off! I'm warning the both of you right now, if this gets settled by a murder, the winner pays the consequences.
I mean it.
But it was settled with murder, wasn't it, Mr.
Blackstone? In fact, several murders.
That wasn't entirely our fault.
Some of the blame must be borne by our star-crossed lovers.
- Man: I hate this.
- Oh, come on.
Don't take it so hard.
It wouldn't be a real marriage anyway.
One step out of Vermont and it's not even legal.
Since when did you start worrying if something was legal? Look where we are: The Honeymoon Suite.
Do you think this was just a coincidence? Let's just stay in for tonight.
Take a Jacuzzi, watch TV.
Why do we always have to spend our time robbing and killing people? 'Cause we're violent, sexually dysfunctional psychopaths.
But that doesn't mean we can't be happy.
Mr.
Blackstone, Mr.
Blackstone! What? YOU are.
You are filling every conceivable turn in this little fable of yours with either some form of gratuitous violence or sexual perversion.
Actually, I'm trying to leave my personal life out of this.
Is there any way on earth that we might return to the second round of voting ? Absolutely.
Thank you.
One more thing before the big explosion.
This is important, trust me.
Remember when I said Luke was to play a pivotal role ? Distantly, as from a previous life.
You know the restrooms by the pool tables? Nobody's watching those windows, you can slip right though.
No, those restrooms are locked.
I already tried 'em.
I stole the master key from the front desk.
You can sneak out through the lounge and lock the diner door behind you and I'll lock the front doors before they go inside.
That way you can get out and nobody can follow you.
I won't be able to get beyond the lobby.
Can you get me the key with everybody watching? Get your cake and go back to your corner.
I'm not hungry.
Then just go back to your corner.
Hi, Sophia.
You know, if I were you, I wouldn't be making any long term commitments right now.
In fact, your whole future probably caps out around midnight.
Yeah? Well, with the way you've been treating me lately, you better hope so.
You see, that I like.
Woo! - Hey, Rusty, how's it going ? - Hey, Sheriff.
Hey! Hey! Hey! What the-- What was that? What are you doing? I don't want to talk about it.
You think that boy cares about you at all? You're wrong, Sophia, that's not what he's after.
I don't care what he's after.
I care about what's after him.
And if I know how much danger's he's in, then you know.
(man) Oh, this is hell.
Mr.
Blackstone? Yes? I don't care anymore if I've missed some valuable bit of context or some genuine emotional truth, I just want the facts, Mr.
Blackstone.
The facts.
Blackstone: Well, the facts are as follows.
Sophia had a plan.
What she was in the process of carrying out, though damned if I understood a single word of it.
Man: Did you? Everyone returned to the lounge for the second vote.
You stepped out onto the stage, no doubt intending to regale the crowd with another example of your rapier wit.
Well, this is going on too long.
I think we're going to have to call this an award show.
And the brewery goes to Gerald and Tyler nominated themselves again, as expected.
But then there was a surprise.
Just a minute, Sherman.
One second.
I would like to make a nomination.
I realize this may sound unorthodox to many of you, but I want you to think about it because I think it would make a very good compromise.
I nominate Vivian Cates.
Man: What Are you crazy? Man: No way, no way.
Females can't lead, it's a biological impossibility.
Blackstone: Meanwhile, the bank robbing brotherly boyfriends found their plan needed some improvisation.
And Luke Cates took advantage of the confusion to make his escape.
Order, order! Now, everyone just sit down.
Move, Move! Private party, back! I said move! ( Gun blasting ) Okay, everybody, shut up! - Luke! - I said shut up! Thank you.
Man: So now that we are there, in the lounge, at the end of this long ordeal, do you think you can tell me, since you were present and a witness and for all I know, a participant in the evening's horror, exactly how these grisly murders took place? Yes .
I don't think you're going to like it, but, yes.
Yes, I can.
I knew right away these guys meant business and we were in a life threatening situation, so I took evasive action immediately.
By keeping a cool head and setting an example for others, I probably saved countless lives.
I'm sure you were an absolute beacon.
That's me.
It don't take a genius to figure out what we're here for, but let's keep it simple, okay? Everybody, single file.
No pissing and moaning.
Wallets and jewelry in this bag and do not kid yourselves.
We will terminate anybody who is not cooperating.
Or who tries to hide their valuables.
( laughing ) What's so funny? Nothing.
My brother asked you what's funny? It's just that you guys have definitely picked the wrong party to crash.
Oh, yeah? On! All right, one more time.
Oh, yeah? On! Some things are better the second time around.
Mr.
Blackstone, we have to move this along.
Alright, no more side trips, promise.
Molly: Towel service, hello? Empty- God, I love this bed.
Mmm .
It feels so good.
Bingo.
Teflon coated.
Cop killers These guys are hardcore.
This is feeling like a side trip.
All right, now let's not rush to judgment.
I'm out of control.
You may have to cuff me.
All right, look, Molly.
Do you always wear underwear like that? Okay, Molly, Molly, look, we're on duty, all right? Break time.
Okay, Molly.
Molly Molly ( distant gunshots ) What's the point of all this? Oh, I think it's clear.
Discipline in the law enforcement community is at an all-time low.
But, okay, okay- What the hell are we doing? Why are we putting up with this? There's only two of 'em.
They were all fired up in the lounge.
If we rush them, these boys don't stand a chance.
You can't kill all of us.
Yes! The future of this clan was now officially up for grabs.
Man: Maury's Vacuum Repair to lane five, please.
Maury's Vacuum Repair, we're waiting for you.
Can we just cut to the defining moment? Is that too much to ask, Mr.
Blackstone? Well, if you asked me that at the beginning, we would've been out of here by now.
Man: Okay! People, let's unload! I'll go first.
You've done this before.
We don't need your clothes.
Maybe Dad would like the dress.
Who's next? YOU are.
( Screaming ) Gerald's kids.
Anything? I think it's safe to assume they've been through here.
( Breathing ) ( applauding ) Shh.
I think we have a winner.
One lingering question, gentlemen.
We have to ask ourselves.
Is there, by any stretch of the imagination, or any remote chance, or any miracle of the divine providence, even one iota of truth in this man's testimony? You're starting to sound like that Kanin fellow.
Would you just look at all this stuff? I'm sorry, this just doesn't make any sense to me.
We got their money, their guns, their bags, why would they leave those behind? How did they escape in that amount of time? Please feel free to explain any of this to me.
Really, Mr.
Kanin.
What possible insight could I have into the inner workings of a criminal mind? They were there one minute and next they were gone.
So unless you are suggesting that we ate them, I'd like to be excused.
It has been a very long evening and I am exhausted.
Sheriff, a little help here? Anything.
Well, I think you call the State Police, you file your report, have somebody come in and pick all this stuff up and then we'll let them take it from here.
Madam Chairman, can I walk you to the door? Thank you.
Good night, Mr.
Kanin.
I hope you're not gonna be all weird tomorrow.
Well, congratulations, V.
I think you made a little history tonight.
Yes .
And we did not have to make that terrible political choice after all.
Yeah, well, we got lucky this time.
It's been a lot worse.
But still, those two brothers It was us or them.
Remember that.
And when you get right down to it, it is always us or them.
I respectfully disagree.
Not always.
I asked you 16 years ago and I ask you again tonight, for all the wrong reasons.
And I'm going to ask you again for the right ones.
Will you marry me? Oh, all right.
Do you know the answer to that question, Mr.
Blackstone? Yes .
Yes, I do.
( laughing ) Jerk.
Stay tuned for scenes from our next episode.
(Music plays)