Wrecked (2016) s02e10 Episode Script
Nerd Speak
1 Previously on "Wrecked" The pirates.
Oh my God.
Where's my freaking bra?! Where is it?! Oh! My friends and I are going home.
[Boat horn honks.]
I found some money.
Pack: Look at us! We're slapping the shit out of each other, and for what?! - No! - No! Luther? The Barracuda said you were dead.
You got to fight for what's yours, buddy.
Owen wrote the journal.
Florence: This journal doesn't make any sense.
What the hell is "ROFLcopter"? I blew up the ship.
You want to know why I did it? For Florence! Danny and Owen got the jump on me.
Ohh! Said something about trying to get off the ship - before it sank.
- Abandon ship! [All scream.]
[The Association's "Cherish" plays.]
Bum, bum Bum, bum Cherish is the word I use to descri-i-i-i-be All the feeling that I have Hiding here for you insi-i-i-i-i-de You don't know how many times I've wished that I had told you You don't know how many times I've wished that I could hold you You don't know how many times I've wished that I could mold you Into someone who could cherish me As much as I cherish you-u-u-u And I do-o-o-o-o-o Cherish you-u-u-u-u And I do-o-o-o-o-o Cherish [Danny grunting.]
Come on! [Grunts.]
What could you have possibly said to Corey that would make him blow up the ship? Look, we could spend the whole day pointing fingers, passing the buck, blowing the whistle - What did you say?! - Fine.
Okay.
Itold him - that his suit looked good.
- That's not it.
I said that I like weddings, - which I do.
- Who cares? I told him that you were stealing Florence, and he should do everything in his power to stop you.
I said I love shrimp.
Why would you say that?! I The man is obviously out of his mind! I didn't know it that at the time! I thought he was just kooky! You know what? The Dream Team it's over.
- You don't mean that.
- Yeah.
In fact, I'm starting to think there never even really was a Dream Team.
Owen, I know you're mad, but you are talking crazy right now! If we don't pull it we're gonna die! Then what the hell do you suggest that we do?! You're not gonna like it, but I need you to pop my arm out of its socket.
What?! [Grunts.]
Aah! Okay, come on.
Everybody in! This is the last lifeboat! Go! Go! I can't believe Danny and Owen would just bail I know, right? But we should just get in the boat and move on with our new lives.
- Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
- Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
What? Is this the best we can do? What are you talking about? Just saying that we're gonna be at sea for a very long time maybe, right? What? I don't want to get stuck with the nerds.
I mean, Chet, Karen, and the weird youth pastor? - What? - I-I think we should bail and go find a cooler boat.
- Oh, my God, Todd.
- You get in this boat! Nobody's listening to me.
All right, we're gonna put her in the water! We can't wait any longer! Wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Oh! Oh, thank God you're still here.
No, no, no.
Hold it right there.
If it doesn't have a heartbeat, it stays here.
Can't risk the weight.
No, no, no.
I-I need this! Well, it's your funeral.
I'm putting that boat down.
No, no, no, no! It has, uh uh, supplies! Um, food and and water.
Why didn't you just say so, you dipshit? Take it onboard.
Go.
[Grunts.]
I can't break the chain! There's got to be another way! Steve, it doesn't matter, man.
I thought I was gonna die in here without ever seeing anyone again, but instead, I met you, my new best friend and the coolest guy I ever met.
Oh! [Voice breaking.]
Don't say that.
Hey, we had some good times.
Remember when you first came in here - and you were, like, "Aah! Aah!" - [Laughs.]
You scared the shit out of me! You scared the shit out of me.
[Laughs.]
Yeah.
And we're always gonna have that.
Yeah.
For the rest of our lives.
But your life's nearly over.
But for you, it could be a long time if you get out of here.
[Sobs.]
- Get out of here, man! - No! Get out of here, Steve! I don't want my best friend to die, not today, on the day that I met him! No.
I was meant to be here.
I was meant to meet you.
I'm not leaving without you.
If I can't break the chains, break the pipe! I've tried.
I can't.
We can do it together! Come on! Okay.
You ready? Both: One, two, three! Ah! Oh.
Oh, no! I've killed him! Look if you pop my shoulder out, it would give me the extra few inches that I can reach the keys and slap them back to us.
What are you talking about? That is not a thing.
It is a totally a thing.
Mel Gibson pops his shoulder out in, like, every movie to escape.
It's like you haven't even seen "Lethal Weapon 2.
" Okay! Fine! How do you want to do this? All right.
Come here.
Crouch down.
From here, you're gonna pull down on my arm as hard as you can.
Now, you're my best friend, so I know you're gonna want to take it easy, but you got to go Aah! - [Crying.]
- Ooh! Oh, it's out! F [Bleep.]
you! [Bleep.]
you! Why would you do this?! - You said it was a thing! - Yeah, in movies! This is real life, you idiot! You seemed very confident.
Oh, it's a dead limb.
Look at that.
It's just floating in the water.
You want to at least maybe try for the key? Yeah.
Yeah, I'm gonna do it.
[Cries.]
Come on! [Cries.]
Ohh.
I chummed the water.
Watch out for sharks 'cause I chummed the water.
[Loud creak.]
The ship's about to snap in half.
We got to go now! I don't like this.
It doesn't feel right.
Hey, hey, hey, look at me.
Look at me.
I know that you're scared right now, but some day, you and I are going to look back on all this, and we are just gonna ROFLcopter.
What did you just say? ROFLcopter? I'll try to explain this.
It means to "roll on the floor laughing" copter.
Oh, my God.
You wrote the journal.
All that nerd speak it was you! It's not nerd speak, all right? It's cool Internet slang, and I did it for us! But Danny and Owen Forget them! They're probably drowned by now! Hey! Florence! Seriously? We're just about to leave! Hold the boat.
I swear to God I'll bring her back, dead or alive.
W-Why would you bring her back dead? What? I I just I didn't even Shut up! Hold the boat! Where's Florence? We have to go! [Loud crash.]
That's it.
I'm dropping this boat.
People going back and forth.
Goddamn free-for-all! We're going, and that's final! Man: Hold the boat! I'm saving him! I'm a hero! Who the hell is that? It's Luther! He was Barracuda's lover before she Uh, that doesn't really matter, but the main thing is he's a cool guy.
- Come on! Let's go! - Wait! Florence and Corey they went back in.
Did you see them? I didn't see anyone! Prepare to lower the lifeboat.
Owen: Ready? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right.
On three, right? Okay.
One [Screams.]
[Grunts.]
Oh, that hurts just as bad going in.
Oh! [Breathing heavily.]
Ohh, I'm sorry.
It's all right.
Oh, it's my fault.
You and Florence were getting close, and I got jealous.
Not like a romantic way.
Like, I didn't want to kiss you or rub your butt or anything.
I got it.
Not that you have a bad butt.
Your butt's totally fine, just not my thi I got it! Since everything with my family, I didn't want to lose you, too.
You know, I'd be lying if I said I didn't think this was how I was gonna die.
But if I got to drown in a Red Hot Chili Peppers drunk tank, at least I'm doing it with my best friend.
Aww! - Oh! - [Screams.]
- Oh, my God! - God! - Sorry! Sorry! - How long have you been there? A while! I didn't want to say anything 'cause, seriously, you guys are so frickin' cute.
God, you scared me! [Ship creaking.]
We were so close to going home.
What's gonna happen to us? Well, come daybreak, the sun will start to scorch our skin, and that will attract seabirds, who will peck at our sunbaked flesh until we are nothing but bones.
Good God, Karen.
Jesus.
No, no, no.
No, no, no, guys, we can get through this! I mean, think about it we got through the plane crash, a shitty beach, a pirate named The Barracuda, Steve tried to murder us in cold blood.
Yeah.
We've been through worse, and we can get through this! - We're survivors! - Come on! [All cheer.]
All right, okay.
Pack, open that bag.
- What? - Yeah, open the bag.
We got to see what supplies we're working with.
So, how do I get you out of here? There's a key.
It's on the ground underwater.
I knocked it off with my dead arm.
What made you come back? You were right about Corey.
I should have listened to you.
I'm sorry.
I've just never dated a guy who's not a total dumpster fire.
No, I'm sorry, okay? I'm I'm sorry.
I should not have compared us to the "Speed" franchise.
And if we are somehow "Speed," then I don't want you to end up with Jason Patric.
I want you to end up with Keanu Reeves.
Which is me I'm Keanu Reeves.
- I got it.
- Okay.
[Voice breaking.]
No, I'm sorry.
I didn't think there could be three people in the Dream Team, but I was wrong.
This This is the Dream Team! What's the "Dream Team"? This thing that he won't stop saying but it looks like you're in.
Thanks, Danny.
Welcome to the Dream Team.
Okay, should we get out of here so we don't drown? Oh, yeah! Sorry! The key! Okay.
The key's in the water.
It could be anywhere.
[Inhales deeply.]
[Keys clack.]
Oh, my God! - Yes! - [Laughs.]
It was so easy.
It was, like, right under me.
I felt it with my foot! - Cool! Open the door! - Oh! Where's the lifeboat?! They're gone, and they left us behind.
Just like you left me behind.
Corey.
[Imitates Florence.]
Corey.
[Normal voice.]
Don't try to butter me up by remembering my name now, Florence.
Hey, hey, hey! Let's take it easy.
You.
Never understood what she saw in you with your charisma and your wit and your leading-man looks.
Seems like you get it.
Shut up, fat-ass! And you! Ever since we crashed, you've been leading me on! I thought you loved me! Why would you think that? Because you were nice to me! - [Sighs.]
- You give a girl everything you have, and how does she repay you? Please do not say "friend zone.
" By putting you in the friend zone! Aw, man.
And now you got to die because if I can't have you, well, nobody can! [Machine-gun fire.]
This way! Holy heck! This thing's got some kick to it.
No! I don't want to chase you! Go, go, go! Why is Corey so weird?! Corey: [Sing-song voice.]
Florence.
My tiny, little peach! [Normal voice.]
My sweet, little baby angel! Where are you?! Oh, my God.
They're all locked.
Does no one trust anyone?! What are you doing? Let's go! My pants are wet.
My legs are all chaffing.
It's terrible! Florence! Come give Papa a smooch! Ew! In here! [Machine-gun fire.]
Uh, here we go.
Just Just got to open the bag.
Lot of zippers, really, you know, these travel bags.
You know, could be any of these, really.
Nah.
It's not that one.
That's small It's not Could be No, not this one.
Oh! This one.
I got it right here.
Here we go.
Nope, that's the one that just makes the bag bigger What the hell is happening? Just open the bag! I genuinely can't tell if you're stupid or just stalling.
Stalling? Me? [Laughing.]
Come on.
Now's not the time for jokes, Karen.
I mean should we talk about this, hon No, no, no! No, no! Give me that.
What is wrong with you? - [Bag unzips.]
- Ooh, real hard, pal.
- [Gasps.]
- Oh! I can explain.
- [Ax thuds.]
- Corey: Aah! Here's Oh, is this mahogany? This is so hard to break! [Machine-gun fire.]
Florence.
Did you hear my cool "The Shining" reference? Would have been a lot cooler, but this place is a goddamn fortress.
I see what's going on.
This is you playing another one of your games.
- [Gasps.]
- You know what? I don't even care if I find you because you are so boring, and you look weird in shorts! Psych out! I'm negging.
I learned that at a seminar on how to pick up women.
You look great in shorts.
You always have, and you always will.
[Whispering.]
What do we do? [Grunts.]
Danny, what are you doing? [Sing-song voice.]
Florence.
Admittedly, I'm not doing the most enthusiastic version of searching, but I kind of thought you'd come out by now.
[Music stops.]
Danny! What are you doing? [Whispering.]
I've got a plan.
Well, what have we got here, Chet? - Think we got a little weaselonboard! - A weasel! Listen, I know you guys are mad.
All right, what the hell is going on? Where did all this money come from? This is pirate money $165,000.
$165,000.
Pack and I found it on the boat, and then he double-crossed me.
Who cares about the money? We don't have any supplies! We're gonna die out here! Oh, someone's definitely dying out here.
[All screaming and shouting.]
Florence.
Come out and play! [Whispering.]
Even if that plan did work, he has got a gun! That's from "The Warriors.
" Did you guys see that movie? You'll never get there in time.
Raise your hand if you saw "The Warriors.
" - Not if I distract him.
- Distract him how? The Florence way.
- What? - What? Corey: Florence.
- What are you doing? - Can you please Florence: I don't know what this is.
What are you Show of hands.
Who saw "The Warriors"? Nerds.
Great movie.
[Grunts.]
Ready? - Florence, just come out! - No.
- Let's do this.
- No! - All right? - Dream Team.
Danny, no! Can't you see that I love you?! Aah! My pants! I lost my pants! Where are they?! Hey, what are you saying? That's my thing.
Danny: I lost my pants! I can't find them! Are you saying you lost your pants? - I don't know where they are! - How do you lose your pants? Go, go, go, go.
They were on me, and now they're not me anymore! I don't know where your pants are! Florence! Hey, Corey.
ROFLcopter this, you nerd.
Okay, well, that's not quite how you use that term Aah! [Chili pepper creaking.]
[Gasps.]
Oh.
That worked so well.
You think he's dead? Yeah, I think he's dead.
[Chuckles.]
We did it! [All cheering.]
Chili pepper to the face! - Yeah! - Ooh! Ooh! You did my bra thing! I did it! I did it with my pants! I told you it works every time.
Every time! [Laughs.]
[Loud thud, creaking.]
Hey, the lifeboats.
How are we gonna get off the ship? Oh.
[Gasps.]
I have an idea.
Okay, you cut me out the money, Pack, I cut you out of yourself! [Screams.]
Chet, where did you get a switchblade? Oh, old Chester keeps it close.
Wow.
We did not know Chet at all.
Pack lied to us.
I say if we have no food, we eat him! - No, no, no! - That sounds fair enough to me 'cause he ate a guy on the island! - What?! - Oh, my God! - Yeah! - Ew! Yeah, well, Todd and Jess banged a pirate! All the holes it was heterosexual and homosexual and they used it all to get a spot on the boat and leave us to die! - Okay.
okay.
- Oh, that is disgusting! Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah?! Well, Karen brought the plane down! No I didn't.
Yeah, no, she didn't.
I was just trying to get the heat off of us.
What the hell is wrong with you?! - All right! Hey! - I'm sorry! [Indistinct yelling.]
[Chains clinking.]
Luther! Luther, we made it.
We're out! You saved my life.
I guess.
I bet you looked real cool doing it, too.
Yeah.
Holy smokes.
Look at those stars.
[Voice breaking.]
I can't believe I'm alive.
[Crash.]
What was that? It's a sandbar.
Does that mean [Flashlight clicks.]
Oh, yeah! We got land! Hey! Yeah! [All cheering.]
Pack: Is this the same island? No.
The trees are different.
Oh, good.
That'd be so stupid.
What's wrong? You all right? Florence and Danny and Owen do you think they're? I don't know.
[Vehicle approaching.]
Look! - They made it! - Yeah! [All cheering.]
Oh, my God! Hey, what happened to Corey? It turns out he's the one who blew up the ship.
- What?! - Corey the minister? - Yeah.
- Where is he now? Oh, we killed him.
Snapped his neck with a giant chili pepper.
- What?! - Hey, where are we? Who the hell cares? We're alive! [All cheering.]
Pack: Nothing can kill us! [Laughs.]
I'm on land! Land! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! [Laughs.]
I'm on land! Whoo-hoo-hoo! I saved him.
Luther.
My best friend.
I'm on land! [Laughs.]
[All gasp.]
- Aah! - [Body parts thudding.]
Luther!! Oh! [Crying.]
I think he stood on a land mine! Nobody move! [All screaming.]
Oh, my God! [Screaming continues.]
[Computer beeping.]
Oh my God.
Where's my freaking bra?! Where is it?! Oh! My friends and I are going home.
[Boat horn honks.]
I found some money.
Pack: Look at us! We're slapping the shit out of each other, and for what?! - No! - No! Luther? The Barracuda said you were dead.
You got to fight for what's yours, buddy.
Owen wrote the journal.
Florence: This journal doesn't make any sense.
What the hell is "ROFLcopter"? I blew up the ship.
You want to know why I did it? For Florence! Danny and Owen got the jump on me.
Ohh! Said something about trying to get off the ship - before it sank.
- Abandon ship! [All scream.]
[The Association's "Cherish" plays.]
Bum, bum Bum, bum Cherish is the word I use to descri-i-i-i-be All the feeling that I have Hiding here for you insi-i-i-i-i-de You don't know how many times I've wished that I had told you You don't know how many times I've wished that I could hold you You don't know how many times I've wished that I could mold you Into someone who could cherish me As much as I cherish you-u-u-u And I do-o-o-o-o-o Cherish you-u-u-u-u And I do-o-o-o-o-o Cherish [Danny grunting.]
Come on! [Grunts.]
What could you have possibly said to Corey that would make him blow up the ship? Look, we could spend the whole day pointing fingers, passing the buck, blowing the whistle - What did you say?! - Fine.
Okay.
Itold him - that his suit looked good.
- That's not it.
I said that I like weddings, - which I do.
- Who cares? I told him that you were stealing Florence, and he should do everything in his power to stop you.
I said I love shrimp.
Why would you say that?! I The man is obviously out of his mind! I didn't know it that at the time! I thought he was just kooky! You know what? The Dream Team it's over.
- You don't mean that.
- Yeah.
In fact, I'm starting to think there never even really was a Dream Team.
Owen, I know you're mad, but you are talking crazy right now! If we don't pull it we're gonna die! Then what the hell do you suggest that we do?! You're not gonna like it, but I need you to pop my arm out of its socket.
What?! [Grunts.]
Aah! Okay, come on.
Everybody in! This is the last lifeboat! Go! Go! I can't believe Danny and Owen would just bail I know, right? But we should just get in the boat and move on with our new lives.
- Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
- Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
What? Is this the best we can do? What are you talking about? Just saying that we're gonna be at sea for a very long time maybe, right? What? I don't want to get stuck with the nerds.
I mean, Chet, Karen, and the weird youth pastor? - What? - I-I think we should bail and go find a cooler boat.
- Oh, my God, Todd.
- You get in this boat! Nobody's listening to me.
All right, we're gonna put her in the water! We can't wait any longer! Wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Oh! Oh, thank God you're still here.
No, no, no.
Hold it right there.
If it doesn't have a heartbeat, it stays here.
Can't risk the weight.
No, no, no.
I-I need this! Well, it's your funeral.
I'm putting that boat down.
No, no, no, no! It has, uh uh, supplies! Um, food and and water.
Why didn't you just say so, you dipshit? Take it onboard.
Go.
[Grunts.]
I can't break the chain! There's got to be another way! Steve, it doesn't matter, man.
I thought I was gonna die in here without ever seeing anyone again, but instead, I met you, my new best friend and the coolest guy I ever met.
Oh! [Voice breaking.]
Don't say that.
Hey, we had some good times.
Remember when you first came in here - and you were, like, "Aah! Aah!" - [Laughs.]
You scared the shit out of me! You scared the shit out of me.
[Laughs.]
Yeah.
And we're always gonna have that.
Yeah.
For the rest of our lives.
But your life's nearly over.
But for you, it could be a long time if you get out of here.
[Sobs.]
- Get out of here, man! - No! Get out of here, Steve! I don't want my best friend to die, not today, on the day that I met him! No.
I was meant to be here.
I was meant to meet you.
I'm not leaving without you.
If I can't break the chains, break the pipe! I've tried.
I can't.
We can do it together! Come on! Okay.
You ready? Both: One, two, three! Ah! Oh.
Oh, no! I've killed him! Look if you pop my shoulder out, it would give me the extra few inches that I can reach the keys and slap them back to us.
What are you talking about? That is not a thing.
It is a totally a thing.
Mel Gibson pops his shoulder out in, like, every movie to escape.
It's like you haven't even seen "Lethal Weapon 2.
" Okay! Fine! How do you want to do this? All right.
Come here.
Crouch down.
From here, you're gonna pull down on my arm as hard as you can.
Now, you're my best friend, so I know you're gonna want to take it easy, but you got to go Aah! - [Crying.]
- Ooh! Oh, it's out! F [Bleep.]
you! [Bleep.]
you! Why would you do this?! - You said it was a thing! - Yeah, in movies! This is real life, you idiot! You seemed very confident.
Oh, it's a dead limb.
Look at that.
It's just floating in the water.
You want to at least maybe try for the key? Yeah.
Yeah, I'm gonna do it.
[Cries.]
Come on! [Cries.]
Ohh.
I chummed the water.
Watch out for sharks 'cause I chummed the water.
[Loud creak.]
The ship's about to snap in half.
We got to go now! I don't like this.
It doesn't feel right.
Hey, hey, hey, look at me.
Look at me.
I know that you're scared right now, but some day, you and I are going to look back on all this, and we are just gonna ROFLcopter.
What did you just say? ROFLcopter? I'll try to explain this.
It means to "roll on the floor laughing" copter.
Oh, my God.
You wrote the journal.
All that nerd speak it was you! It's not nerd speak, all right? It's cool Internet slang, and I did it for us! But Danny and Owen Forget them! They're probably drowned by now! Hey! Florence! Seriously? We're just about to leave! Hold the boat.
I swear to God I'll bring her back, dead or alive.
W-Why would you bring her back dead? What? I I just I didn't even Shut up! Hold the boat! Where's Florence? We have to go! [Loud crash.]
That's it.
I'm dropping this boat.
People going back and forth.
Goddamn free-for-all! We're going, and that's final! Man: Hold the boat! I'm saving him! I'm a hero! Who the hell is that? It's Luther! He was Barracuda's lover before she Uh, that doesn't really matter, but the main thing is he's a cool guy.
- Come on! Let's go! - Wait! Florence and Corey they went back in.
Did you see them? I didn't see anyone! Prepare to lower the lifeboat.
Owen: Ready? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right.
On three, right? Okay.
One [Screams.]
[Grunts.]
Oh, that hurts just as bad going in.
Oh! [Breathing heavily.]
Ohh, I'm sorry.
It's all right.
Oh, it's my fault.
You and Florence were getting close, and I got jealous.
Not like a romantic way.
Like, I didn't want to kiss you or rub your butt or anything.
I got it.
Not that you have a bad butt.
Your butt's totally fine, just not my thi I got it! Since everything with my family, I didn't want to lose you, too.
You know, I'd be lying if I said I didn't think this was how I was gonna die.
But if I got to drown in a Red Hot Chili Peppers drunk tank, at least I'm doing it with my best friend.
Aww! - Oh! - [Screams.]
- Oh, my God! - God! - Sorry! Sorry! - How long have you been there? A while! I didn't want to say anything 'cause, seriously, you guys are so frickin' cute.
God, you scared me! [Ship creaking.]
We were so close to going home.
What's gonna happen to us? Well, come daybreak, the sun will start to scorch our skin, and that will attract seabirds, who will peck at our sunbaked flesh until we are nothing but bones.
Good God, Karen.
Jesus.
No, no, no.
No, no, no, guys, we can get through this! I mean, think about it we got through the plane crash, a shitty beach, a pirate named The Barracuda, Steve tried to murder us in cold blood.
Yeah.
We've been through worse, and we can get through this! - We're survivors! - Come on! [All cheer.]
All right, okay.
Pack, open that bag.
- What? - Yeah, open the bag.
We got to see what supplies we're working with.
So, how do I get you out of here? There's a key.
It's on the ground underwater.
I knocked it off with my dead arm.
What made you come back? You were right about Corey.
I should have listened to you.
I'm sorry.
I've just never dated a guy who's not a total dumpster fire.
No, I'm sorry, okay? I'm I'm sorry.
I should not have compared us to the "Speed" franchise.
And if we are somehow "Speed," then I don't want you to end up with Jason Patric.
I want you to end up with Keanu Reeves.
Which is me I'm Keanu Reeves.
- I got it.
- Okay.
[Voice breaking.]
No, I'm sorry.
I didn't think there could be three people in the Dream Team, but I was wrong.
This This is the Dream Team! What's the "Dream Team"? This thing that he won't stop saying but it looks like you're in.
Thanks, Danny.
Welcome to the Dream Team.
Okay, should we get out of here so we don't drown? Oh, yeah! Sorry! The key! Okay.
The key's in the water.
It could be anywhere.
[Inhales deeply.]
[Keys clack.]
Oh, my God! - Yes! - [Laughs.]
It was so easy.
It was, like, right under me.
I felt it with my foot! - Cool! Open the door! - Oh! Where's the lifeboat?! They're gone, and they left us behind.
Just like you left me behind.
Corey.
[Imitates Florence.]
Corey.
[Normal voice.]
Don't try to butter me up by remembering my name now, Florence.
Hey, hey, hey! Let's take it easy.
You.
Never understood what she saw in you with your charisma and your wit and your leading-man looks.
Seems like you get it.
Shut up, fat-ass! And you! Ever since we crashed, you've been leading me on! I thought you loved me! Why would you think that? Because you were nice to me! - [Sighs.]
- You give a girl everything you have, and how does she repay you? Please do not say "friend zone.
" By putting you in the friend zone! Aw, man.
And now you got to die because if I can't have you, well, nobody can! [Machine-gun fire.]
This way! Holy heck! This thing's got some kick to it.
No! I don't want to chase you! Go, go, go! Why is Corey so weird?! Corey: [Sing-song voice.]
Florence.
My tiny, little peach! [Normal voice.]
My sweet, little baby angel! Where are you?! Oh, my God.
They're all locked.
Does no one trust anyone?! What are you doing? Let's go! My pants are wet.
My legs are all chaffing.
It's terrible! Florence! Come give Papa a smooch! Ew! In here! [Machine-gun fire.]
Uh, here we go.
Just Just got to open the bag.
Lot of zippers, really, you know, these travel bags.
You know, could be any of these, really.
Nah.
It's not that one.
That's small It's not Could be No, not this one.
Oh! This one.
I got it right here.
Here we go.
Nope, that's the one that just makes the bag bigger What the hell is happening? Just open the bag! I genuinely can't tell if you're stupid or just stalling.
Stalling? Me? [Laughing.]
Come on.
Now's not the time for jokes, Karen.
I mean should we talk about this, hon No, no, no! No, no! Give me that.
What is wrong with you? - [Bag unzips.]
- Ooh, real hard, pal.
- [Gasps.]
- Oh! I can explain.
- [Ax thuds.]
- Corey: Aah! Here's Oh, is this mahogany? This is so hard to break! [Machine-gun fire.]
Florence.
Did you hear my cool "The Shining" reference? Would have been a lot cooler, but this place is a goddamn fortress.
I see what's going on.
This is you playing another one of your games.
- [Gasps.]
- You know what? I don't even care if I find you because you are so boring, and you look weird in shorts! Psych out! I'm negging.
I learned that at a seminar on how to pick up women.
You look great in shorts.
You always have, and you always will.
[Whispering.]
What do we do? [Grunts.]
Danny, what are you doing? [Sing-song voice.]
Florence.
Admittedly, I'm not doing the most enthusiastic version of searching, but I kind of thought you'd come out by now.
[Music stops.]
Danny! What are you doing? [Whispering.]
I've got a plan.
Well, what have we got here, Chet? - Think we got a little weaselonboard! - A weasel! Listen, I know you guys are mad.
All right, what the hell is going on? Where did all this money come from? This is pirate money $165,000.
$165,000.
Pack and I found it on the boat, and then he double-crossed me.
Who cares about the money? We don't have any supplies! We're gonna die out here! Oh, someone's definitely dying out here.
[All screaming and shouting.]
Florence.
Come out and play! [Whispering.]
Even if that plan did work, he has got a gun! That's from "The Warriors.
" Did you guys see that movie? You'll never get there in time.
Raise your hand if you saw "The Warriors.
" - Not if I distract him.
- Distract him how? The Florence way.
- What? - What? Corey: Florence.
- What are you doing? - Can you please Florence: I don't know what this is.
What are you Show of hands.
Who saw "The Warriors"? Nerds.
Great movie.
[Grunts.]
Ready? - Florence, just come out! - No.
- Let's do this.
- No! - All right? - Dream Team.
Danny, no! Can't you see that I love you?! Aah! My pants! I lost my pants! Where are they?! Hey, what are you saying? That's my thing.
Danny: I lost my pants! I can't find them! Are you saying you lost your pants? - I don't know where they are! - How do you lose your pants? Go, go, go, go.
They were on me, and now they're not me anymore! I don't know where your pants are! Florence! Hey, Corey.
ROFLcopter this, you nerd.
Okay, well, that's not quite how you use that term Aah! [Chili pepper creaking.]
[Gasps.]
Oh.
That worked so well.
You think he's dead? Yeah, I think he's dead.
[Chuckles.]
We did it! [All cheering.]
Chili pepper to the face! - Yeah! - Ooh! Ooh! You did my bra thing! I did it! I did it with my pants! I told you it works every time.
Every time! [Laughs.]
[Loud thud, creaking.]
Hey, the lifeboats.
How are we gonna get off the ship? Oh.
[Gasps.]
I have an idea.
Okay, you cut me out the money, Pack, I cut you out of yourself! [Screams.]
Chet, where did you get a switchblade? Oh, old Chester keeps it close.
Wow.
We did not know Chet at all.
Pack lied to us.
I say if we have no food, we eat him! - No, no, no! - That sounds fair enough to me 'cause he ate a guy on the island! - What?! - Oh, my God! - Yeah! - Ew! Yeah, well, Todd and Jess banged a pirate! All the holes it was heterosexual and homosexual and they used it all to get a spot on the boat and leave us to die! - Okay.
okay.
- Oh, that is disgusting! Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah?! Well, Karen brought the plane down! No I didn't.
Yeah, no, she didn't.
I was just trying to get the heat off of us.
What the hell is wrong with you?! - All right! Hey! - I'm sorry! [Indistinct yelling.]
[Chains clinking.]
Luther! Luther, we made it.
We're out! You saved my life.
I guess.
I bet you looked real cool doing it, too.
Yeah.
Holy smokes.
Look at those stars.
[Voice breaking.]
I can't believe I'm alive.
[Crash.]
What was that? It's a sandbar.
Does that mean [Flashlight clicks.]
Oh, yeah! We got land! Hey! Yeah! [All cheering.]
Pack: Is this the same island? No.
The trees are different.
Oh, good.
That'd be so stupid.
What's wrong? You all right? Florence and Danny and Owen do you think they're? I don't know.
[Vehicle approaching.]
Look! - They made it! - Yeah! [All cheering.]
Oh, my God! Hey, what happened to Corey? It turns out he's the one who blew up the ship.
- What?! - Corey the minister? - Yeah.
- Where is he now? Oh, we killed him.
Snapped his neck with a giant chili pepper.
- What?! - Hey, where are we? Who the hell cares? We're alive! [All cheering.]
Pack: Nothing can kill us! [Laughs.]
I'm on land! Land! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! [Laughs.]
I'm on land! Whoo-hoo-hoo! I saved him.
Luther.
My best friend.
I'm on land! [Laughs.]
[All gasp.]
- Aah! - [Body parts thudding.]
Luther!! Oh! [Crying.]
I think he stood on a land mine! Nobody move! [All screaming.]
Oh, my God! [Screaming continues.]
[Computer beeping.]