Xena: Warrior Princess s02e10 Episode Script

Here you go, Ma’am.
Hello.
Idiot.
Hello-- anybody home? Someone’s coming.
Hello?! Hello.
Is anyone home? Give me the briefcase, now.
Oh, my.
Now, that’s no way to treat a lady.
Run along now, boys.
I don’t have time to play.
She’s out of bullets.
Ventilate my hat! Now, dance.
Get outta here! I could’ve been killed.
Who are you? I’m Mel Pappas, and I’m looking for Dr.
Janice Covington.
You’re Mel Pappas.
Yes, Ma’am.
Winner of the 1924 Nobel Prize for anthropology; Dean of the University of South Carolina Nice try.
Professor Pappas died a year ago.
Well, I know that.
I’m his daughter, Melinda Pappas Mel, for short.
Around here, it’s hard to know who to trust.
What do you want? Well, I was going through my Daddy’s records, and I found an old telegram from you.
Yeah? So? In it, you said you wanted help translating ancient writings, and and here I am! I don’t think so.
Wait.
How did Smythe’s men get in here? I told you I want a lookout posted around-the-clock.
- Keep an eye out.
- Yes, Ma’am.
Who’s Smythe? Look-- you don’t belong here.
Now, if you want, I’ll have one of my men take you back to town.
And why did they want to get my briefcase? They must be looking for the tablet.
It’s the key to unlocking the tomb we found.
Nikos? The curse! help us! Come back! Come back! There are no curses-- it’s a knife! They think this tomb is haunted.
Of course, murder isn’t real good for morale,either.
Murder? It sure as hell ain’t suicide, sweetheart.
Still wanna hang around, Mel Pappas? What’s in that tomb that would drive men to murder? The most important archaeological find of the century Something that will revolutionize the way we look at the ancient world.
It has the power to turn myth into history, history into myth the Xena Scrolls.
And everyone heard the battle cry of the fair-haired Xena.
Though her dark nemesis fought bravely, she was still no match for our hero.
Now, wait a minute.
Xena was the dark-haired one.
The blonde was an imposter named Callisto.
Well, it’s an easy mistake to make.
But the rest goes like this Desperate to save her friend, the great warrior woman leaped into action.
Don’t panic! And Xena saved Callisto from the fate she most desired her own death.
Before he died, Daddy taught me to read ancient syntax.
I could be a great help to you in reading these myths or stories, whatever History.
It’s history.
That’s why it’s so valuable.
You know, many people doubt the existence of the scrolls, even with this proof.
My father found this years ago on another dig site.
Your Daddy was an archaelologist, too? He was the best that ever lived.
Covington Covington I don’t recall an archaeologist called Co Oh, my goodness.
You’re the daughter of Harry Covington, the The graverobber.
Yeah, that’s what everyone else called him, why not you? Well, I’m sure it’s just an unfair description.
Hah! No, it’s right on.
He’d sell anything he could to the highest bidder.
But not for greed.
Everything he did was to finance his search for the scrolls.
And now that I’m this close to proving his quest wasn’t in vain, I’m not about to enlist the aid of some spoiled brat who’s trying to live on her father’s reputation.
Just like you’re trying to live down your Daddy’s reputation?! What did you say? Nothing.
I just mean, that maybe we’re both living in our Daddies’ shadows, as different as those shadows are.
Now, what? Go away Don’t even move.
I am a friend.
If I want, you would be dead, now.
How do you figure that, huh? I’ve got a gun at your neck.
I know you was there all the time.
I could have killed you in the blin of an eye.
A what? Blin-- blin-- Don’t you speak English? Who are you? What do you want? Allow me to introduce myself, Dr.
Covington.
I am Lieutenant Jacques S’er, special reconnaissance division, uh, Free-French Army.
What can I do for you, Lieutenant? Well, uh, first, you can introduce me to this charming beauty-- Enchante’.
Is there a point to your visit? I am here for your protection.
You see, the French government has a vital interest in these scrolls.
They may unlock the secret to ancient mysteries powers so strong that-- it is within the interest of all decent people to do everything they can to keep it out of the wrong hands, Oh, you mean like the Nazis? Relax! I’d never let those bastards get the scrolls.
Let us hope not, but it is within your family’s tradition to respond to a healthy financial offer, Hey! Janice’s Daddy was.
.
interested in the truth about the scrolls and nothing else! And so is Janice.
How did the French government find out about my scrolls? Well, we French are students of archaeology, and-- we know that there are powerful secrets within the scrolls with regard to, the deep dark secrets of the gods.
Covington! Look what I’ve got.
The key.
You can’t decipher it, Smith.
That’s Smythe.
No, I can’t-- but, you can.
If you help me, I’m willing to offer a nice payday.
I’m not interested in your money.
Oh! Come now the daughter of Harry Covington not interested in money? Don’t make me giggle.
I’ll pay you 100,000 American dollars.
That’s a lot of moolah.
Maybe we can do business after all Guess it’s in my blood, honey.
Show me what you got.
This could be the ticket.
Shall we try it out? Bring her friends along.
Come on.
We French make love, not war.
But in your cases, I’ll make an exception.
This tablet’s a fake.
Why? What’s wrong? No, no, that’s not a fake.
Look-- first ruby, then emerald.
Here, let me try.
I like her-- pretty and smart.
Had to stay and help, didn’t you? So, playing games, are we? Well if you don’t like my money, I have other plans Ladies first.
What a gentleman.
But, of course.
Not you, idiot.
It’s dark.
Where’s Smythe? He got what he deserved.
Some great battle was fought here.
I don’t know why, but I get the feeling that this was the site of some titanic struggle between good and evil.
‘All ye who enter beware the rock of the god of war.
’ Legend has it Xena and Ares were bound by some deep bond.
By the gods, you are a beauty.
You must know, I’ve missed you.
What do you want? I want you back, of course.
My Warrior Princess living as my Warrior Queen.
We were once a great match.
I didn’t know any better then.
I thought your ways were all there was for me.
I think you’d be more comfortable in this.
Now that you do know there is another side to life now, tell me are you really having more fun these days? I’m fighting for a better world.
My dear Xena, you were always fighting for a better world.
You were going to conquer it and then you were going to rule it.
Ares’ tomb.
The natives very well may have been right.
This place could be cursed.
Well, it was kind of funny that that rockslide happened just as we came in.
There are no curses.
That is where you are wrong.
You see-- I, for one,am cursed with a certain personal magnetism.
And once, when on a mission to Egypt for the French Secret Service, I came across a curse so horrible, that, um-- only a man of my training and expertise could have faced it-- and lived.
Wait a minute.
I saw that movie.
Yes, of course, I must have confused it with my real battle against the supernatural.
Excuse me, but that was a movie, too.
Yes, but who do you think gave them the idea? What do we do now? We find the scrolls and get out of here.
Don’t touch anything that looks suspicious.
These tombs are set with booby-traps to stop thieves.
Well, it didn’t look suspicious.
Sit down and stay out of my way.
I’ll find the scrolls myself.
Dr.
Covington, come here! Look what I found! I said, sit down and don’t talk.
This stone, Look for a trigger Some kind of release.
Oh, my.
Did you ever hear about Xena’s true love, Marcus? It’s so romantic.
Listen, we are busy.
We don’t have time for the love story.
But, this is so much more.
Xena swam to the Underworld because her love Marcus called for her.
Marcus-- oh, it feels so good to hold you.
Marcus! Evil had taken control and innocent soldiers suffered.
But Xena fought for good.
Xena! Hurry! They held immortality in their hands.
But Xena did not give in to temptation even though it meant saying goodbye to the man she loved.
You must go now, Xena.
Marcus is in the Elysian fields forever.
- Now, say goodbye.
- Keep thinking of me.
You know, you move me with the story of love.
well, that is.
The scrolls! He was right! All those years of people doubting him.
And I’m gonna prove him right with this discovery.
Well, I’m sure I’m very happy for your Daddy and you.
But, wouldn’t you say it’s our little discovery? If you even think that I’m gonna give you credit for leading me Listen, who cares who gets the credit? Why don’t we pick up these little pieces of paper and get out of here? What’s this? Hah? Don’t know necklace something Who cares? The chakram Xena’s most powerful weapon.
Why don’t you give me a try? If I can’t do it, you can’t.
I loosened it for you.
You can hang onto it till we get the rest of the scrolls.
Let’s get outta here.
Where’d she go? Looking for this? Oh, my.
Hold it, Smythe! Fire that gun and you’ll create a rockslide that’ll bury all of us alive.
Yes, all of us.
Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Not this time.
Get the girl! All right.
- Don’t tell me what -Move! Apprehend her.
Release her! Release her! Move! Come now, Mademoiselle.
Quit pulling me.
rockslide.
We will be safe in here.
Qu’est-ce qu c’est? What did I tell you? This place is cursed.
There are no curses.
This was obviously a case of dormant embers being hit by oxygen resulting in spontaneous combustion.
What?! Embers don’t lie dormant for thousands of years! Obviously, some sort of curse.
What are we going to do? I know.
We’ll stand with our rear ends facing each other.
That’d-- no.
Curses don’t know fronts from rears.
We’ll counter-curse it.
You must know some kind of a curse.
My grandmother she was a witch, Boil, boil! No.
There’s no oxygen in here.
I can’t breathe! I’m starting to panic uncontrollably! Pull yourself together, man! Enough games.
I want the scrolls and the chakram now.
Shazam! Mel! That feels good.
Would you mind slapping me again? I’m hallucinating.
I’ve been expecting you.
Welcome to the prison that has held me for centuries.
Oh! Ah, excuse me, my good fellow.
I think you’ll find that this tomb is mine.
Go ahead take your best shot.
Ah-- eliminate him.
Who are you? The last sight you’ll ever see.
My God.
Fear not, ladies.
I-- shall not go down without a fight.
Did I not tell you, that I was captain of my boxing team in my division? Ah, you like it? Oh, you’re not ready for the duck, duck, weave, huh? Oh, please.
Does the brush salesman from New Jersey think he can defeat the god of war? Ares.
Brush salesman? Ah I, uh-- I li-- I mean, ah-- I lied.
How are ya? Jack Kleinman, Victory Brush Company, Hoboken.
I tried to enlist to fight the Fuhrer, but I got 4F’ed-- you dig? So I came here to fight the Nazi bastards, so they wouldn’t get the scrolls.
How did you find out about the scrolls.
My guess is from the family tradition passed down from ancient times.
You’re related to Xena? Well-- No-- no, not Xena.
You wanna fight, huh? Fine with me.
You made me mad, now, little girl.
You’ve just made a serious mistake.
You broke my crossbow! That does it.
I’m gonna rip you apart with my bare hands! His kind give warriors a bad name.
I see you’ve kept your family’s reputation for undiluted idiocy intact.
For thousands of years, my spirit has been trapped here in this tomb, waiting for a certain someone to claim the chakram and make it whole.
Now, I am flesh again, and it feels so good! What do you want from us? A simple favor.
It is written that only a descendant of Xena can release me back into the world.
I want out.
Of course, I’m a descendant of Xena.
You can forget it, Ares.
The world doesn’t need any more of you.
Silly girl I don’t need you.
You just said Oh, you are related to someone in the scrolls, but it’s not Xena.
Who? I’ll give you a hint think ‘irritating blonde’.
You want it? Come and get it! Wrong blonde.
You all right? I’m great.
I, I can’t see, but,I’m good.
Try using both eyes.
Ah-- Oh yeah, that’s better Think you can stand? You mean, I’m not? Come on! There you go.
By the gods! What is it? You are beautiful! heir apparent.
It’s time, Melinda.
Release me and I will regain all my powers my godhood.
If the world thinks it knows death and destruction now wait till they get a load of me! Think again, Ares.
Xena-- it’s been too long.
Not long enough.
Get outta here.
Let’s blow.
Come on! Tsk! Oh-- I’m in your blood.
You know you can’t fight me.
Ares, the answer is no.
Why don’t you just give me what I’ve wanted for centuries? Enjoy.
You can run, Xena! But you can’t hide.
You all right? Good.
You are Xena.
Mel is your descendant.
How could I think it was me? My father’s a thief.
My mother, she ran out on us.
And I’m related to the useless tag-along, Gabrielle.
Now, you listen to me.
Gabrielle was never useless.
She cared for others more than herself.
Terreis! Hold on.
She was the finest friend anyone could ever have.
No, No, Come on, Gabrielle.
Come on, come on.
Don’t leave me.
Don’t you leave me! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! You make her sound important.
She is to me.
Be proud you’re part of her family.
I am.
Gabrielle, I want you to understand something.
We both have families we were born into.
But sometimes families change, and we have to build our own.
For me, our friendship binds us closer than blood ever could.
For me, too.
I’ve gotta get back there put Ares back where he belongs.
Could you use some help? Come on.
What, were you two Janes just going to leave me in there? No, that’d be awful People are trying to rest in there.
Yeah, ‘cause, Funny.
Wait here.
Xena-- nice of you to show up.
Now, release me or, uh-- they die.
There’s no room in this world for you anymore, Ares.
Oh, you’re wrong.
The world’s become a glorious place.
The weapons more lethal.
The people more hateful.
And there’s a new leader A lot of vision, a lot of potential.
His name is Hitler.
With my help, he’s gonna make a lot of positive changes.
The eye of Hephaestus it holds me here.
You strike it with your chakram and set me free.
You have no choice, Xena.
Do it! All right, but you’re not going anywhere till they’re safe.
Of course.
I’m a-- god of honor.
What the? Ball! I’m way ahead of you, Xena.
Yes! Freedom! Later.
It is later, Ares.
Not now, Xena.
This has been fun, but, really.
You never give up, do ya? Get outta here, run! You could’a had it all, but now I’m mad.
Both of you at the same time Why not? Doc-- the door! Run! I can’t hold it! Run! Oh, my.
Doc! The door! Let’s blow! Come on! No! This’ll keep Ares busy for a while.
Sayonara,sucker! All right, Jack You wanna join me on my next dig? Sorry, sweety, I got things.
You know things.
Don’t say it, baby.
You’re something else.
You’re a swell-looking tomato with a nice set of gambs, but baby-- I gotta go-- Dig? Yeah, I dig.
You were right.
I was, about what? We were both living in our father’s shadows.
Well, maybe it’s time that we both stepped out into the world and showed them what we can do.
Together? Well, not if you don’t want-- to.
Come on.
You can give me a hand.
Then they start this chanting, right? Kanda, kanda.
I’m not married to her.
Kanda, kanda-- right? Then this big, worm-eaten, scary dude comes out from behind and goes, Done it.
Rob-- dude, man, I mean-- listen.
I gotta go to Warner’s in an hour with this, and I might have to give this thing to ‘em, you know? Then go.
Tell Bugs I said hello.
Uh, all right, listen.
Dude-- I wasn’t even gonna show this to you.
All right.
These are the scrolls, man.
Scrolls? What scrolls? The Xena Scrolls.
It’s about this guy, Joxer.
These were in my grandfather’s attic, and he had ‘em translated, dude.
I mean, listen.
We don’t have to make this thing like big budget, you know? We can shoot this in a third-world country, using the locals.
And for the lead guy, Joxer, I’m thinking Matt LeBlanc, if he’s available you know? It’s good, I like, it’s good.
You,what do you think? Pretty interesting stuff.
Tell me more about this Xena.
She was Xena A mighty princess, forged in the heat of battle.