Yoh! Christmas (2023) s01e05 Episode Script

Cut the Cake

["Pretend" by Langa Mavuso
feat. Aimee George plays]
[ice rattles in glass]
Hey, old friend
Are you breathing well? ♪
Just wanna see if you're feeling swell ♪
The room of wounds
Can be heavy in the daylight ♪
I'm still here if you want me to ♪
And no, it's nothing new ♪
You're gonna add the vo
- S
- [Charles sighs]
Don't worry. I'll clean it up.
Sorry. No, no, no, it's fine.
Don't worry. Okay.
[softly] Nice.
Okay. All right.
[sighs] Bruh, I'm sorry.
Are we gonna talk about this or or no?
Okay, fine.
I'll I'll I'll go first then, okay?
This one
is called The Apology.
I'm still working on it, but
This thing should be called
My Friend Said
Some Really Out-of-Pocket Things to Me.
Has a bite.
Okay, um
This one
[ice rattles]
is called
I'm So Sorry, On the Rocks.
And I know you were out last night,
and I ordered Uber Eats for you.
Well, at least you're trying.
This is you apologizing, huh?
Yes, dude! I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
You can even have the
[chuckles softly]
Are we good?
'Cause I really wanna tell you
how I kissed a girl,
and I did not like it.
No way, Katy Perry.
- You really kissed a girl, huh?
- Mm.
- [chuckles]
- Please explain for ten marks.
That was at the end of the night.
Before that, it was fight night, eh
A lot happened, it was messy.
But I think we should sit down,
and then I'll tell you.
Here. You can have the other piece.
- Okay. Yeah?
- Yeah.
Come on.
[groovy music plays]
[groans softly]
[upbeat music plays]
When I go ♪
I know you'll follow me ♪
I don't want silliness, no, no ♪
Just wait and see ♪
You'll feel it naturally ♪
- There's no one else I see ♪
- [siren wailing]
I know you'll follow me ♪
- Hey.
- [Mel on speaker] Hospital announcement.
We are expecting loadshedding at 9:00 a.m
Ah! Finally, on Love Lives Here
Oh, no. I just off-ramped
from mixed signals. I was just
I'm very familiar with that
'cause I think you left me there.
- Wow! Really?
- [laughs]
Listen, I say just be direct.
And who knows? You might just have
citizenship in the dating scene.
- Right? I just
- Mm-hmm.
Have you seen Riri? She seems to be MIA,
and not answering my calls
seems to be a thing these days.
The last time I checked,
I'd say Ward Five.
New patient, Ward Five, bed two.
But only if it doesn't interfere
with your social life.
- Uh
- Some of us actually work around here!
- [Lulu] Mm-hmm.
- Wow. Replace me already?
He's a much better listener.
[laughs] Bye.
Hi, Mr. Ndaba.
I'm Thando Mokoena,
and I'll be your physio.
It says here that you fractured your
- No way.
- No way.
Bheki, and now?
"And now," what?
What kind of physio are you,
dealing with broken noses?
You know, I don't want drama.
Yeah, I can I can see that.
Well, now that you are here,
and I'm here,
I I really don't feel
like doing this here.
Yeah, well, I'm sorry.
- Okay.
- I'm sorry for all that drama and chaos.
I I know that, Thando,
my love for you i is very strong.
- You know, it is wide and
- Bheki, we went on one date.
And it wasn't even
Thando, I don't
I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You didn't hurt my feelings.
I'm I'm fine. [chuckles]
Oh, yeah. [clears throat]
Okay, so then the silver cup is broken.
- What?
- Silver cup.
Like, I found someone, and we are in love.
Okay. Okay, um, I'm I'm happy for you.
I'm surprised,
but I'm I'm happy for you.
Yeah, surprisingly,
we met at the Christmas party.
And, you know
What do they say in English?
Sorry for the fist, and thanks for the
Okay, I don't need all the details.
It's okay, it's fine.
Riri actually said
you'll be okay with this.
Riri? Which Riri? My
No, no, no, no, no. My Riri. Mine.
- [chuckles]
- Listen, Thando.
It will be okay.
- [chuckles]
- You'll find someone you love.
- It will come.
- Mm?
Or maybe you won't find them,
because it's it's dry
out on the streets.
- Mm.
- Okay, Bheki, you know what?
Let me Let me get the nurse
so you can get
your your plasters changed.
- Yeah.
- Yeah. I'll be back in the meantime.
- All right.
- Okay.
- Thando.
- Yeah?
Sorry, hey?
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Cool. Yeah.
- Thando.
- Mm?
- You'll be all right?
I'll be all right, Bheki, okay?
Yeah, Bheki?
May I please have, uh, red velvet?
Don't they have a red velvet here?
Uh, these biscuits are too dry.
[mimics coughing]
- Okay.
- Oh, all right.
- I'll go and check.
- Thank you.
Okay, Bheki.
[transformers clacking loudly]
[alarms blaring]
[Thando sighs heavily] Wow.
- [phone clicks]
- [Charles whistles]
Um, how long has the the Wi-Fi been out?
[Charles] Damn.
- Don't you know it's loadshedding?
- [phone clicks off]
[scoffs jovially] How do you know
what I need before I even know it?
Story of my life, I guess.
- This one is called A Boner and A Loner.
- [chuckles]
- [phone chimes]
- Mm?
Ben 5?
Uh [scoffs] No.
We don't have to talk about me.
Um, are you all right?
- How How was your day?
- [laughs]
Thando, it's okay. You can talk.
Okay, so
If he wanted to see me,
he would call, right?
- Mm.
- So if he's not calling, then
Then you call him.
No, but he stood me up, bro, and
You like this kid, don't you?
Why aren't you drinking
Boner and Loner? [chuckles]
[woman] Charles, I'm thirsty!
- [chuckles]
- [soulful music plays]
Boner. Loner.
- Sh
- Uh, no. No. Here.
- She's not thirsty for the drink anyway.
- [laughs]
- Wow.
- Okay, cool. Bye!
[Thando groans]
It'll all ♪
Be fine ♪
'Cause there's ♪
No consequences ♪
Nothing to lose ♪
You could burn this house right down ♪
You could burn it down right now ♪
Yeah ♪
[knocking on door]
[knocking on door]
[Thando groans]
- [knocking continues]
- [groans]
Oh, gosh. Oh, no.
- [in sing-song voice] Hi!
- [Minnie] Hey. Did you forget about us?
Mm, no. No, no, no. No.
- [Minnie] Come.
- Is Uncle Charles home?
- Hmm?
- He promised me a ride on his bike.
- Mm, yeah
- [Minnie] I'm sorry, my sister.
I know this is your only morning off,
but my children love
their favorite, coolest aunt.
Yeah, I'm their only aunt.
[Zoya] Uh, you forgot Aunty Mikayla.
- She's my favorite.
- Ouch.
- Listen, T, they've eaten.
- Mm.
- Their extra clothes are in the bag.
- Yeah.
Musa's hat, Zoya's moisturizer.
Uh, what am I forgetting? Don't feed them.
No snacks, no sweets, no slushies,
and definitely no bike rides.
Yep. All of this before 9:00 a.m.
I can't think of a better contraceptive.
Trust me, sister, Christmas holidays
are the longest nine years of your life.
- Yeah.
- Bye-bye.
[whining] Bye.
[door closes]
- [children sigh]
- So, who wants ice cream? Yeah.
Remember, Z,
ice cream is our little secret, okay?
- Aunty?
- Mm-hmm?
Are aunts like lawyers?
[hesitantly] Why?
Because they keep secrets from our moms.
[laughs] Absolutely, my baby.
Actually, I think
that aunts are even cooler.
- You know why?
- [Musa] Why?
'Cause you can tell us anything.
- True.
- Yeah, you know what I mean?
Okay. Mom said I'm not allowed
to date until I'm, like, 50.
- But there's this girl in my class
- [laughs]
Should I call or wait
until we get back to school next year
to tell her I like her?
Oh! Okay, I see.
[Thando and Zoya] Hmm.
You know what I think?
I think that maybe you should
you should listen to that guy.
Do whatever makes him happy.
And if she makes you happy,
then why wait until next year,
when you can find out
how she feels about you now?
[dreamy glitchy rock music plays]
[Musa] Okay.
Okay, um
Now come, okay?
[Thando] How's it coming along, Comrade?
[Sam] Hey. Hopefully, just in time
for Christmas, Commander.
[both laugh]
Father Christmas of the township
is back, hey?
I missed him so much.
Ho-ho-oh yeah!
The good old days.
[chuckles fondly] Yeah.
I wish you were coming
to the Christmas Eve dinner.
I know, Dadsie, sorry.
- I've got work, hey?
- Yeah, I know.
But at least you'll do something special
with your boyfriend afterwards.
Your "boyfriend".
[both laugh]
You're onto me, aren't you?
Yeah, from day one.
[both laugh]
Ugh, Dadsie
[Sam sighs]
I just wanted to make her happy,
and that's why I said it, I guess.
[Sam sighs] You know what?
Your happiness makes your mother happy.
Not your lying.
Yeah, but then why is she so obsessed
with me not being alone,
and starting a family?
Because love brings a little warmth
to the world.
But loneliness,
loneliness is a silent killer.
[groans] Just 'cause I'm alone
doesn't mean that I'm lonely.
I know. I know that.
It's the same even if you
you have someone or not.
Dadsie, I'm begging you,
please don't tell her.
[both chuckle]
You know, maybe I should tell her
I'm dating Charles and be done.
- Charles?!
- [both laugh]
And just ruin Christmas while I'm at it.
[both laugh]
[Thando] Hey.
[Sam sighs]
Whatever decision you make,
always make sure you are happy.
Always choose happiness.
Like you and Mom, hey, Dad?
[breathes deeply]
[engine stalling]
[engine starts]
- Let's go for a ride.
- Uh-uh! Uh-uh. We wait for the others.
For now, we're going to watch football
and we're going to have ice cream.
- Come on.
- [children] Yes!
Hey, Dad, ah-ah. I told you,
I've already given them ice cream.
So what?
It's December, boss.
- [in sing-song] So let the fun begin!
- Hey!
- So let the fun begin!
- Hey!
[brass band plays cheerful music]
[camera apps clicking]
- Yoh, yoh, yoh, yoh, yoh.
- What, Dad?
- Never
- One at a time, one at a time.
South Africa's weekend special.
- [Zoya] Ah!
- Go, baby.
- [Xolani] Thando!
- Thando, he's heading our way.
- Thando.
- [Sam] How do I look?
- [Sam clears throat]
- Thando.
- Thando.
- Hi.
- Sir.
- [Thando] I see you're alone today.
You don't have your squad? All your boys?
I told you, my my cousin is playing.
I'm here to watch.
- Oh.
- So I came alone.
- Looks like you brought your squad along.
- [laughs] Yeah.
This is my father, Sam, and these are
my two favorite contraceptives.
Contraception one, contraception two.
My niece and nephew, Zoya and Musa.
[Sam chuckles]
- Um, this is my friend Xolani.
- Xolani.
The weekend special.
[exclaims happily]
Oh, my God.
- [Xolani] Pleasure meeting you, sir.
- [Sam] Yeah.
Look, I wanted to call you.
But every time we meet,
things just turn into a sh
- Um, shambles.
- Shambles.
- "A shambles."
- Nice save. [laughs]
Language I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, okay? I'm stupid.
I let something very special
slip through my fingers.
I'm sorry. Please forgive me.
- Oh, you
- Xolani, the weekend special.
How are you, my brother?
[Thando] Okay, guys.
Um, hey, listen, I'm busy
with something very important.
Can I find you a bit later,
so we can speak and take a picture there?
One moment.
Hey, homeboy, when you're ready,
please, can we take a selfie?
- [alarm rings on phone]
- As many selfies as you need, sir.
I'm so sorry, Dadsie.
I completely lost track of time.
I have to go.
- Are you going to be okay with this crew?
- Ah, we'll be fine!
We're going to ask X to join our squad.
- [Xolani laughs]
- Hey, homeboy, you like ice cream?
- I like ice cream a lot, sir.
- Mm, yeah.
- I
- But only Thando, you don't mind if I
[chuckles] Yeah. Go ahead. No problem.
[all chuckle]
- Right.
- Uh, X.
Homeboy, tell me,
All Blacks, the Buccaneers.
[Xolani] Precisely.
Where is that ice cream?
- Let's get that ice cream.
- Let's get that ice cream.
- [men chuckling]
- [Thando laughs]
- [Sam] Hey! Let's go.
- [Xolani] Come on.
[Mel on speaker] Dr. Jones,
Dr. Jones. Calling Dr. Jones.
- Hey.
- [phone chimes]
[laughs] I
[Brendan breathes deeply]
Hey, now! Okay.
- You're late.
- You're early.
Our session's only in two hours.
She's agreed to come see me later.
So, gotta be ready.
I'm sure you can't wait
to get out of here, huh?
Well, actually, I can.
I have forever with her.
But there's no forever if I'm not clean.
[Thando, softly] Yeah.
I finally got around
to those rehab pamphlets you gave me.
[sighs happily]
Brendan, that's amazing.
Yeah, but, you know, big shout-out to you.
- [chuckles]
- You showed me there's always hope.
No, shout-out to you.
Shout-out to you
for finally growing a pair
and realizing that
you have a life to live.
Okay, don't get sentimental
on me right now.
- Oh! Okay Okay, um
- Okay.
[laughs] One step at a time.
Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Now get out of here so I can work.
Okay. Okay!
- And stop staring.
- Yeah. [laughs]
- You're making me uncomfortable.
- Okay, okay. [laughs]
Geez, man.
Hey, Doc, um Riri, you haven't seen her?
I saw her in by Ward Five earlier.
- Oh, okay. Thanks.
- Is that Brendan's file?
Yeah, um, he's actually made
some unexpected progress.
I was thinking
he could be discharged today.
- Be a day patient.
- Today?
Yeah. Holiday rush,
we need to free up some beds.
- Yeah, but he's not ready.
- You just said that he was.
Without supervision, he'll relapse.
Okay, I understand.
- But as per hospital protocol
- Screw protocol.
Look at the person.
If you release him, he'll die.
[gentle acoustic music plays]
He wants to make a change
and a difference,
but we need to help him do it.
Brendan stays.
You swear?
[chuckles softly]
Thando's orders.
[laughs] Right.
Yeah. [chuckles]
[sleigh bells jingling]
[mellow house music plays]
Wake up, wake up,
wake up, wake up, wake up!
Ha! We're making a cake.
I've been up all night, and we're moving.
We're moving? To where?
No, man. I mean,
I am making a move for my life.
I'm grabbing the bull by the balls, bro.
- [giggles]
- Where do cakes and balls fit in?
[Thando] What? No.
And you know, not just any cake.
We're making an ice-cream cake.
Step one, please make us coffee,
so that you can wake up and I can stay up.
[sighs happily] Ben 5 is going
to have his cake and eat it.
Oh, so you phoned him?
No, not really, but I know
that it's his birthday today.
So, he's going to have a party
at his house.
Oh, what then?
And then I'm going. Wow. [scoffs]
Thando, I said to you,
wear your heart on your sleeve
and tell the boy how you feel.
I didn't say bake him a cake.
Actually, look, look,
look, look, look, look.
This is a way to his
To his horn!
- [laughs] It might actually work.
- Uh, no.
- Were you invited to that party?
- No.
The 2000s,
they're not old-fashioned like you.
He posted his invite on Instagram.
So it's the same thing.
I love me a brave queen.
[chuckles] Yas! I am a brave queen.
No, but seriously,
you you're really brave.
To make ice cream cake in the middle
of the hottest month in South Africa,
in Jo'burg,
during stage eight loadshedding,
and you're expecting it
to freeze by tonight?
- That's some big balls right there.
- Listen, honey, honey, honey! Attention.
He is going to have my cake
and eat it.
Okay, at least try to rest, you know?
Because the whole thing
of the crazy mommy who had no sleep
arriving at a kiddies' party
with cake, it's
- [Thando scoffs]
- It's not a good look.
[scoffs] You're such a bore.
Can I have my coffee now? Please.
["Mnike" by Tyler ICU & Tumelo. za plays]
[song fading]
[melancholic music plays]
- [Thando sighs]
- [Motheo] Thando. Hey!
- I didn't know you were coming.
- Hey. Yeah, I
I should have called. Um, happy birthday.
Look, she's just a
[sighs sadly] I gave you
the wrong impression, didn't I?
No. No, um
I think I I read
this whole thing just just wrong.
Did you? I mean
what we felt was real, right?
[sighs] I
I made this for you.
Look, you deserve someone
who is going to give you
the fairy-tale ending that you deserve.
And I'm just not that guy, you know?
Like, in ten years, maybe.
But I'm leaving soon.
And I I can't give you what you deserve.
Um, uh
[inhales sharply]
Actually, no.
[tender music plays]
I don't care
what anyone else thinks, okay?
I don't care about any age gap.
This is real.
This is real and and I want this, okay?
I deserve you.
And I want you.
I want to figure
this life thing out with you.
- [man 1] Yo, bro. It's time to get lit.
- [man 2] Let's go, dawg. Let's party.
Bro, come on. Let's go party, man.
- Come on!
- Thando. Thando!
- Go.
- Thando.
[man 3] Bro, don't worry about that.
Here's your drink.
Oh, I can't believe ♪
That you would let me go ♪
'Cause I had dreams ♪
That you were holding me ♪
Beneath the mistletoe ♪
I guess I was caught slipping ♪
Did a cannonball in it ♪
Thinking you saw different ♪
But I still hope ♪
Well, at least
you honored your emotions, huh?
Dumped by a child.
I'm so pathetic.
[Minnie] Hey, hey, hey.
[Thando sighs]
Aw. I'm sorry.
Vusi forgot to pack
Zoya's eczema cream again,
so I had to stop at Mum's.
And now? What happened?
[softly] Ben 5.
He doesn't want me.
Even though I literally gave him my heart,
he doesn't want me.
All right, we're getting drunk.
- Start drinking. Let's go.
- [Thando] Okay.
[Minnie winces]
Why can't I just find someone?
Someone to love me.
T, because you deserve a man
who is going to choose you every day.
- Yep. Yep.
- Support you.
No man, or kid in your case,
is worth crying over.
- Exactly. Retweet.
- Come on, now. Nah!
This one is called No More Tears.
- [Charles] Mmm.
- Yep.
- [Charles] Mm.
- [Minnie] Mm!
- Charles.
- Huh?
It tastes like, "Bring me another one."
- How Minnie got her groove back.
- Ooh!
Actually, this one is called More.
- [Thando and Charles laugh]
- Hey, come on!
- Come on, man.
- Yo, where's mine?
My friend.
["Ubani Obayazi" by Sbahle
feat. Blaq Diamond plays]
[sighs] My love.
Mm! Hold up!
[Charles] Bye now. [chuckles]
[Minnie moans]
[Charles] No way, I'm telling you,
you see, that couple
is gonna be up all night.
They're getting laid tonight!
[Minnie kisses teeth]
When last did I get laid?
- [kisses teeth]
- [Charles inhales] Yeah.
You know [chuckles]
if it's not the guy
with short man syndrome
who's in dire need of anger management,
it's the star who thinks
that the sun shines out of his ass.
Or, oh! What about the old guy?
The old guy who has more chemistry
with our mum than with me.
And then, of course,
we have the little boy.
The little boy who
[inhales sharply]dumped me
after I saw him locking lips
with another girl.
After I made him a cake.
- I've never even made myself a cake!
- [Charles] Or me, mm?
Bro, and and he didn't even
eat that cake.
- That boy is stupid, man. He's so stupid.
- [Minnie] Ah.
[Charles] There's no way. This is a lot.
We'll deal with him.
[Thando winces]
[all laughing]
Here. Hi!
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
You know what, guys, eh?
I know your thing is different,
but I get it.
You know that thing of mourning,
hey, someone who is still alive.
- [Charles] Damn.
- That thing
To think that I was going
to bring him home
to introduce him to our mother and father.
- Mm! I'm glad you didn't do that.
- [chuckles]
Listen, Thando,
I've been thinking about your lie, hey?
That I should go to Mum and tell her
that, "Mum, I've met the boy-boy."
"It's just, he couldn't make it
to dinner."
New Year's Eve,
we tell her you guys broke up.
- You see? All done.
- There you go, problem solved.
I mean, there's no need
for you to settle, sister.
You see, men Hey! They are trash.
- Listen, my sister. Slow poison.
- You know what? Mm-mm.
- That will kill you.
- Mm-mm.
I just think that maybe
I'm just one of those people
who are destined to be alone forever.
And it's all right!
- It's okay. It's fine.
- No!
- [Charles] Wow.
- Ugh, sorry.
I need to go pee. I'll be back.
[Charles chuckles]
[Thando] Mm-mm.
You know, you
Ah, let me come closer to you.
- Yo, yo, yo! Ai, ai!
- Yes.
- [exclaims]
- Yes!
Mm, why don't you have a girlfriend?
Mr. Nice Guy. You've got to choose.
Left or right?
- To love and money!
- [sister cheer]
[all laugh]
["Abalele" by Kabza De Small
& DJ Maphorisa feat. Ami Faku plays]
[all laugh, exclaim]
Those who are sleeping ♪
Guys, you know what?
Can we just be us forever?
- [Charles] Ah.
- For life.
- Charlie! [laughs]
- Yep. Yep!
- Come on, come on!
- [Thando laughs]
- [exclaims]
- [Charles] Say, "Mwah"!
[sisters laugh]
You guys should start calling me Daddy.
- [Thando] Yes, oh, yes!
- [Charles] Oh, yeah. Break it down!
[Minnie exclaims]
Does your mother know
you do this at night, baby girl?
[laughs] I'm a rebel!
Don't you know I'm a rebel?
Guys. Guys, I forgot my phone, hey?
- Your phone? Where did you leave it?
- Seriously. It's back at the bar.
You'll get it tomorrow.
What do you mean we'll get it tomorrow?
I have kids, man!
- He's right, they'll be all right.
- Thando, I have kids, sis.
- I need to call them. I can't.
- Okay, whoa.
- Ah-ah, Charles.
- Wait.
No, no, no, go with her.
It's fine. I'll go buy the food.
- Don't buy cornish. No one Hey!
- I won't buy cornish.
- [Minnie] Please buy me spinach.
- Spinach?
Spinach for what? Who are you, Popeye?
- [Charles] A pie with spinach?
- [Minnie] Yes, I want it.
- [Thando] Hurry up, you two!
- [Minnie] Yes! We're coming!
Those who are sleeping ♪
Hey, man. [chuckles nervously]
[Sam] Hey.
[droning, melancholic music plays]
- [Sam] Uh Oh!
- [Thando gasps]
Hey! Thando!
[grunts sadly]
- [Charles] It's hitting her. This
- Hey! We got the phone.
- Please
- [Minnie] And now?
Please, let's go.
- Let's leave. Please take us home.
- Whoa.
- [Minnie] What's wrong?
- I'm going to get sick.
- Can we please go?
- [Charles] Okay, let's go. Let's go.
Hey, what's going on now?
- Yeah, I'm tired.
- Thando?
[melancholic music continues playing]
[birds squawking]
[groans] No.
[lawnmower whirs in distance]
I'm done drinking. Never again.
Yes. [chuckles]
[phone clicks]
- [phone clicks]
- [clicks tongue]
[kisses teeth]
And now? Where's everyone?
Never, never, never again.
[breathes deeply]
[groans softly]
["Nontsikelelo" by Lloyiso plays]
- [Charles groans softly]
- [Minnie] Hey.
[Thando breathes uncomfortably]
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