Young Drunk Punk (2015) s01e11 Episode Script

Space Invaders

In other news, lock your doors, grab your guns and get ready for an invasion.
A Space Invasion.
It's a high-tech electric game machine from Japan called Space Invaders and folks are lining up to play it.
Kids, like Alberta's own Little Ricky, a Space Invaders wiz who currently holds the high score.
It's like you're really killing aliens.
And since my parents split up I With three buttons, Space Invaders can be complicated to play but it's not slowing its popularity.
Last year in Japan alone, the game grossed more than $80,000 There it is, ladies and gentlemen: the future.
Electronic games.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury.
"Push that button".
"Kill that alien".
Look, the machine doesn't just eat quarters, it eats your soul.
It also takes quarters.
Oh! So, what use have these mindless sheep for quarters, is that what you're saying? - No, that is not what we are saying.
- Oh.
We are sitting on a gold mine here.
For $2000, we could have our own Space Invaders game - for our kids to enjoy.
- For $2000 we can get new asbestos for the rec centre.
What are we teaching our kids? To shoot anyone who happens to be from outer space? Helen, please.
Just because you went to school in a milking shed, doesn't mean the rest of us - have to live in the past.
- And just because you appeared in one episode of The Beachcombers Can we not fight!? Ladies and gentlemen, all in favour of buying the machine raise your hands.
Against? We're getting a Space Invaders.
Hands down boys, you lost.
No, these hands are never coming down.
Nah! It's pretty hard to play your stupid game when - our stupid hands are in the air, huh? - Yeah.
And we're just the beginning.
Pretty soon, kids everywhere will be saying: "Who are those righteous rebels with their hands in the air, mommy?" - Yeah! Yeah, you tell them, Ian! - Yeah and we will be the fire that spreads across Brae Vista is as a fire is just just Aah.
I really felt I could keep my hands in the air.
Democracy is exhausting! Lemmings.
"Am I conforming correctly, master?" Yeah! "Take my quarters, master.
" - I guess we should try it.
- Already did.
Wasn't that great.
- Let's play air hockey.
- Yeah.
I noticed your family isn't enjoying the machine.
Perhaps those games would be more your speed.
Oh! Well, if you think I'm so old fashioned, then you haven't got a "Clue".
I take as many "Risks" as the next person.
Good one, Mom! - So if you're looking for "Trouble" - And she keeps going! then you will be "Sorry" for being a "Hungry Hungry Hippo".
Let's quit while you're behind, dear, come on.
You know, I think they surrender.
They're not quite worked in yet.
Besides, I'm pretending that they're that stupid machine.
It's like a pacifier for your brain, you know? So the world doesn't see what's wrong in the world.
It's like they're training us for the army and they have the nerve to call it a game.
- We've gotta do something, Shink.
- Yeah.
What do you feel like doing? Throwing a brick through the window? Maybe, ah, kidnapping the game? Maybe.
Or maybe we need to send a message that everyone can read.
We paint a manifesto on the walls of Brae Vista.
And we will be the pebble of resistance that that starts the avalanche of change.
- I'm in.
- I know you are.
No, I mean I'm in the boot.
But, spray painting a bunch of crap on a wall sounds like a lot of fun - as well! - All right! - Hi Ian! - Oh, good evening! Hi! - We're good to go.
- Great.
- Okay - What the hell is that? I just wrote a few good ones down .
How about this: "No matter what buttons you push, society is trying - to push your buttons" - No, no, no.
This isn't the Great Wall of China, okay? Just short and sweet.
Okay, okay, how about this: "Society is a game that's playing itself and losing while aliens prance " Come on, man! People shouldn't need a comfy chair to read what we're doing here.
Write the word 'dink'.
Draw one! What do dinks have to do with the game? I'm just gonna draw one on the wall, warm it up a bit.
- What? - I'm like a momma skunk, it was instinct.
What was it you were looking for again? - Three lipsticks and a mascara.
- Oh right.
Spud found these and he thought they were drugs.
Well, in a way, they are.
There's one lipstick missing.
Well you'll have to find it, I've gotta go.
Some kid got his tongue stuck to a metal pole.
You can just close the door behind you when you leave.
Selfish kid.
Shut up! All right.
Maybe this'll shut you up.
This is so easy! Ah! Ah! I'll be back.
Gaze over yonder.
What are they, blind? The truth! "Attention fellow pedestrians! Society is a game" and we are the coins the fat cats use to play it "and besides aren't we all aliens?" - Might be a little heavy.
- It's good though, right? - If you get paid by the word.
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
- Whoa! Did you see what someone defaced on the side of this wall here? Looks like some eloquent rebel really hates Space Invaders.
You got that from this? Well, obviously it was just a guess.
- There are so many conflicting ideas here.
- Yeah, but what about that bum up there? Really makes you think, doesn't it? - You mean the chick pea? - What? No, it's it's a bum! It says "You are here" - right at right at the crack! - You don't at all see a warning about the Space Invaders game? Then you should have kept it simple.
Brevity is the soul of wit.
- That's what I keep saying.
- People didn't get Kerouac either.
He showed them by drinking himself to death.
Pretty noble death if you ask me! What the hell? Somebody just poked the bear.
When I find whoever did this I'm gonna make them lick the paint off.
Probably some punk from Forest Lawn.
Is it just the one graffiti? That's the way it starts, but before you know it, somebody writes a swear word on a fence, or some boobs on a mailbox.
Before you know it, this place is turned into Edmonton.
That is a grim picture.
Better call the cops.
No, I can handle this.
But I'm gonna need some things from you.
- What do you need? - One: more man power.
Two: an attack dog.
Three: a dog trainer.
- Four - I'll give you a big spot light.
I won't let you down.
Do you want to try something really exciting? I just want to try the hell out of it.
I'm gonna get the new high score! Oh! I get to put my name in.
Am I ever gonna get a turn? I'll play for you.
Belinda, I've got needs and urges and wants You've gotta choose.
Man or machine.
Hm! I'm coming for you, ASS! Hey, you gonna give anyone else a chance to play? When I'm done! Ooh! Oh I died.
I hope you're all feeling like "Hungry Hungry Hippos".
Hm! Well the one thing I know about that graffiti guy is that he's a waste of oxygen, okay? You know, that graffiti guy, I think, is a voice of clarity in this mad world.
You know, he's a tornado.
Like me.
I'm a hurricane.
I'm a tsunami.
I hope you're all ready for a little dinner adventure.
- You burnt it.
- No.
It's Cajun blackened chicken.
I wanted to try something new, something hip! Reminds me of that time you made those weird "egg pies".
- Quiche.
- I won't say that word.
Belinda, you like to try new things.
- You've driven her mad with your nonsense meal.
- Belinda.
Honey, honey! Work called today, they said you missed a shift.
I was supposed to do a make-up shift.
- Now.
- Want me to give you a lift? No, I'll take the bus.
Does anyone have bus fare? Still fifteen cents? Quarters! I need quarters, Dad! The bus is more than a quarter? When did that happen!? - Anyone else? - Isn't that enough? It's never enough, Mom.
It's never enough! Hahaha! That's why I have shields you little bastards.
You die.
And go tell your friends who's going to kill them.
Belinda McKay.
I died.
I need my quarter.
Who took my quarter? Come on! AAH! Quarters! Quarters! I need more quarters! If I were a quarter, where would I be? Hmm - Oh Ian, you shouldn't have.
- Happy Birthday, Belinda.
I painted it all by myself.
Seventy-five cents!? Hmm I have one, too and I'm saving up for a guitar! Guitar picks.
Dammit! What's going on? I was never here.
Pick pig ? I think that game has its hooks in Belinda.
- Not the beautiful Belinda! - The beautiful Belinda? It's a nickname she has for herself.
And frankly it is one I do not agree with at all.
But more importantly, our graffiti genius has struck again.
What do you think, Diane? - "Bobject"? - It's That is a bum, Diane.
A bum on its side next to the word "object".
- I think it's a cry for help.
- You do, do you? Well I have an entirely different theory.
You two, come with me.
Well, well, well, gentlemen.
Here's what I've determined: These attacks are coming from the inside.
A Brae Vista resident.
Or two.
I think it's somebody who has a lot of time on their hands.
Likes to stay up late.
And I found this at the crime scene.
Mm-hm! I think you both know why you're here.
Mm-hm! - I need your help.
- What? From this moment forward, consider yourselves deputized.
Well, we stand on guard for thee, Brae Vista.
Do we get guns? No, I've been trying for years.
But we do have a pretty big light.
Now this is going to be a thankless task.
And by thankless I mean you're not getting paid.
- Can I count you in? - Absolutely.
- Yeah! - We will nail these guys.
Or girls.
- Could be a woman.
- Could be a mix of 2 genders.
Male-female Female-male! Could be a vagrant.
Could be that guy with his close-up - magic down by the quad.
- Everyone's a suspect.
I like the way you guys are starting to think.
- "Want me to deface your face?" - What? Thinking of the best 'tough guy' line for this scenario.
You know we're looking for ourselves, right? There's so much poetry in that.
What the hell? "The object is fun! "Play Space Invaders.
" Are you kidding me!? They used our protest and turned it into a commercial! They used our words against us.
I will rewrite this wrong.
"The object is NOT fun! "DON'T play Space Invaders.
" Nicely done! - Yeah.
But I really want to know who did this.
- Same! And when we find them - we're gonna deface the face! - Not quite 'tough guy'.
- Really? - Yeah, we'll work on that.
Hello, Belinda.
I know where you were.
Mom! I was out with a boy.
I'm not stupid.
You've been playing that game.
So I played.
Everyone's doing it! It's ruining your life.
Boys have actually stopped calling.
You're missing work.
The game is making me faster at work.
I can do an eight hour shift in forty minutes.
- That is utter nonsense.
- Space Invaders should be my job! Trust me.
No one is ever going to get paid for playing an electronic game.
You're hooked.
Oh, look at you! Did I go out in sweatpants? Mommy Oh, it's not your fault sweetie.
It's Darci Gabaldi's.
And she will pay.
Okay, this one has to be perfect.
I'm gonna draw the Mona Lisa of dinks.
You know, I'm starting to think you don't know what a dink is I'm pretty sure I do.
- Mom? - Ian? What are you doing here? You two - are the graffiti-ists! - No, no, we didn't.
Look, we're just fighting back against that thing that's got its hold on Belinda Yes! I came out to smash it to bits tonight with this crowbar.
I think graffiti-ing is more my speed.
- Okay, I'm in charge of words.
- I'm in charge of visuals.
Oh, and I'm in charge of the hot cocoa.
- Team work! - Yes! - Mrs.
McKay, you have sublimely soft hands.
- Shinky! Let's go.
- Mom, be quieter.
- I'm sorry, I didn't realize corduroy was such a loud fabric.
Oh, Brae Vista's like a different planet at night.
- I think I saw an owl.
- Really? This one has to be perfect.
Oh, how about "Darci Gabaldi is stunned"? Or "Space games are for goofballs like Darci Gabaldi"? - Just be here for support.
- Wait! - Did you hear that? - I did.
The night even makes my hearing better.
- It's our nemesis.
- This is exciting! What's happening? - Hey! - No way! Darci? You.
Shouldn't you be at home watching "Hee-Haw"? No.
No, Mom.
- Don't.
Just, mom, don't.
- Yes! Fight each other! Stop right there! I should have known that it was everyone.
I'm disappointed in you, I'm disappointed in you, I'm disappointed in you, and I expected it from you.
- I don't know what to say.
- Say "thank you Lloyd," you finally caught the bastards.
" Maybe we should just - Call the police? You're right.
- Dad! You'd call the police on your own family? Oh, in a human heartbeat and I'd love it.
Dad! Let me finish.
But I won't do it if you send that machine from hell back to hell.
We are not getting rid of that machine.
It's generating revenue.
Yeah, well, it's causing a graffiti explosion, gangs will come and then, what's next? Teen pregnancy.
We get rid of that machine over my dead body.
Oh, that sounds like a really good idea.
Wait! What are we supposed to do? Cut the Space Invaders in half? Like Solomon? - In the Bible? - Great book.
Look, I think it's pretty obvious what we should do.
It's the game that invaded our space, so we should let the game decide.
Huh? A playoff.
You know, each side chooses a champion.
And then whoever wins decides the fate of the machine.
- I don't think that's the right thing to do.
- No! I'll tell you what's not right.
I work my ass off for this place, everybody hates me.
But you you're the Mary Tyler Moore of Brae Vista - with your dreamy husband - Hm.
and your three beautiful kids.
We only have two children.
He's not yours? Only in my darkest dream.
- Okay, enough.
- Enough!! Choose your champion.
How are you feeling, honey? Well, I feel more like myself.
You were right, Mom, ha! I needed to quit that game.
Haha! Good.
And good for you! Yeah, we're real proud of you, Bel.
Speaking of We were wondering how you'd feel about playing the game again? I don't think I should.
But you could play it.
It's like riding a bike, isn't it? A bike that you're slightly addicted to.
And if you get a great score the game goes away forever.
Yeah! Yeah, I could play one more game.
Great, get some sleep.
Tomorrow we make the world a better place.
Ladies and gentlemen, let's give a warm Brae Vista welcome to the Space Invader champion of the world, Lethbridge's own, Little Ricky! You're dead.
Dead! Dead.
- Dead-dead-dead - Oh, Oh, Okay, okay.
We're in so much trouble.
Here comes the champ.
You made it.
Although I think you may have already lost.
Little Ricky's been playing for almost an hour.
He has the new high score.
He beat ASS? I've been chasing ASS all week! Don't listen to her, you're going to do great.
Unless you embarrass the family which is okay too.
Hello, old friend.
Maybe we shouldn't let her play.
- I don't know who else can beat him.
- Well, perhaps - I can be of assistance.
- Shinky? Yes.
Archibald Sylvester Shinky.
Aka That's right, up until recently, I had the high score on Space Invaders.
Wait a minute, so this whole time we've been trying to take down the machine, you've actually been playing the game? No, I just played it once.
Got the high score.
You really think you can beat the best hands in the game? A guy can try.
Thank you.
- Go Shinky! - Go ASS! In other news a new high score has been achieved on Space Invaders right here, in our own backyard.
Calgary native Archibald Sylvester Shinky, also known as ASS, playing ninety-six minutes straight on the game that is Lennon, okay.
Ah Lennon? Okay.
John Lennon has been shot.
Ah, no other details available right now, but John Lennon has been shot, the former Beatle.
While Space Invaders may be a great distraction, here's hoping for Lennon, that it's not game over.
For Channel Seventeen News, good night.
Shouldn't you be out cleaning some graffiti off some walls? - Hey, we saved the rec centre.
- Maybe the world! Also it's very cold out and I don't have my mittens.
Would things be any warmer with my winter boot up your bum? Go! Oh, it is so nice to finally see the rec centre back to normal.
Yes, nice to see people enjoy wholesome family fun.
Oh! Right hand red.
Aw, so sweet! Oh yeah! - Giddy-up! - Ah! Gary! Hey, hey, hey! You stop that! For more on Young Drunk Punk, go to citytv.