Young Sheldon (2017) s05e05 Episode Script

Stuffed Animals and A Sweet Southern Syzygy

1 Previously on Young Sheldon Guess what? I'm buying a Laundromat.
So, there's a secret back room at the Laundromat where you gamble? Give me a sense of how illegal this is.
Who says it's illegal? Well, why is it a secret? Okay, it's illegal.
What do you know about these backroom slot machine places? We look the other way.
What's going on? Are you Connie Tucker? Well, this sucks.
In astronomy, a syzygy is a rare event when three or more celestial bodies line up.
You may also know it as the stars aligning, which was probably coined by someone who couldn't spell "syzygy.
" If you want to win Scrabble, remember this bad boy.
My father's idea of the stars aligning was having the house completely to himself.
I was at school, Missy was at a friend's, Georgie was working, and my mother was on her way to a church retreat.
There was a God who had a son, and Jesus was his name-o J-E-S-U-S J-E-S-U-S J-E-S-U-S And Jesus was his name-o.
For my father, it was sweet, Southern syzygy.
Hey, Billy.
Sheldon's not here.
- Is Missy? - Nope.
I need to talk to you alone.
You mind if I watch the game while we talk? - That's fine.
- So, what's up? I would like your permission to ask out Missy.
- Really? - Yeah.
Uh Well, I appreciate you coming to me.
I wanted to do this the right way.
You know, Billy, this sounds like a big step.
I'm not sure Missy's really ready for dating yet.
She went out with Marcus from school.
They went to the movies.
Yeah, that is meaningful.
But they broke up, so now's my chance.
Does Missy know anything about this? - No.
- Great.
Let's build on that.
You don't want to be the rebound guy.
What's that? That's the guy after the guy she really liked and before the next guy she really likes.
- What? - You and Missy are friends.
You go to school together.
That could make things complicated if it doesn't go well.
- I didn't think about that.
- If she turns you down, you're gonna have to see her all the time.
But if it goes right, I get to see her all the time.
I just think you ought to take a minute and figure out if it's really worth it.
I-It's like football.
You can go for it on fourth down on your own 20-yard line, but if you don't make it, it's game over.
You're not just a football coach.
You're a coach of life.
You probably think of quantum physics as a white-knuckle rush of adrenaline, like the Peter Pan ride at Disneyland.
But the reality can be a little less exciting, especially when you're stuck.
We'll get this.
Perhaps a set of fresh eyes could be helpful.
If you're going to suggest Dr.
Sturgis, I should remind you we have a complicated history.
And your graviton research is mediocre at best! You're not qualified - to judge my work.
- All right, that's it.
We'll get this.
You ready for dinner? Do I look ready? No.
How was your day, dear? Well, I ran out of quarters.
Then I had to break up a fight over a dryer sheet.
Then washer number three overflowed again.
Well, I had a nice day.
I got to pet a horse.
Come on, let me take you to dinner.
Dinner's not gonna fix this mess.
Yeah, I was counting on margaritas to do the heavy lifting.
This is not what I signed up for.
I need to get some help in here.
Well, so, do it.
I'm taking Georgie.
Georgie? No, he's my best employee.
- He's my grandson.
- Well, so what? Sheldon's the smart one.
Take him.
Do you want to go out with somebody who's happy and fun or some cranky, old woman who smells like mop? All right.
All right.
Take Georgie.
Thank you.
I'm gonna go get myself fixed up.
I think you look beautiful just the way you are.
- Go to hell.
- Okay.
- Triplets left, man in motion.
- Play action.
- Here comes a pass.
- He's got Jefferies deep.
- And that'll move the chains.
- See there? Now I know where Sheldon gets his brains from.
You're the only person to ever say that.
What's gonna happen next? You gonna get me a beer.
Yes, sir.
I'm home.
In here.
Watching the game with Billy.
Do you have the number where Mom's staying? Everything okay? I need help navigating a situation with Dr.
You should ask your dad.
He's really smart.
You're the first person who's ever said that.
Yeah, try me.
I might surprise you.
Linkletter and I are stuck on a science problem.
I know Dr.
Sturgis could help, but I'm hesitant to suggest that because I know they have a professional rivalry.
Well, the way I see it, y'all are on Team Science, right? I suppose.
And people on the same team don't have to get along - to work together.
- Like you and Mom.
A quarterback and his receivers.
He doesn't throw it to the guy he likes best.
He throws it to the one that's open.
- So smart.
- So, I should ask Dr.
Sturgis what he thinks about the dark matter being a Bose condensate? Do you want Team Science to win? Thank you.
This has been helpful.
What's a Bose condensate? I'll tell you at halftime.
You fancy yourself a bit of an entrepreneur, don't you? I like to think so.
And now that you're not in school anymore, I bet you're wanting to take your career to the next level.
What kind of entrepreneur would I be if I didn't? Well, this is your lucky day, because I have quite the opportunity.
How would you like to manage a business all on your own? That'd be amazing.
Be your own boss.
Call the shots.
Hell, yeah.
What is it? Managing a Laundromat.
No way.
Oh, now, come on.
You're perfect for this.
I'm a salesman.
There's nothing there to sell.
You got a bunch of bored people with their pockets full of quarters, you can't sell them something? Then you're not the entrepreneur I thought you were.
That ain't gonna work on me.
And this is why you're management material.
Nice try.
The place is wall-to-wall girls.
Why didn't you lead with that? My brother went to the Laundromat, excited to meet the female customer base my meemaw had promised.
You said "girls.
" They were girls once.
Not in this century.
Listen, I need you to help me with this.
I don't want to run this dump.
Then why'd you buy it? I'm retired.
I thought it might be fun, get me out of the house.
And you picked a Laundromat? It seemed like a better opportunity at the moment.
What happened? You get tricked by a con man? No.
It's all right.
Happens to a lot of people your age.
Come with me.
Hey, uh, how's bachelor life treating you? Good.
Mary makes this parenting thing seem hard.
I'm great at it.
So, you finally gave it a shot.
Good for you.
Make your jokes, but I'm even helping out - kids that aren't mine.
- Really? Billy Sparks got a little crush on Missy.
- Danger zone.
- What? Why? Getting in the middle of your teenage daughter's love life? What could possibly go wrong? I can't win with you.
I'm not even gonna tell you how I helped Sheldon.
- It may be better you don't.
- Fine.
I used a sports metaphor about science, and it worked.
- I'm sure it did.
- It did.
- I'm sure.
- You should be.
- I am.
- Good.
It is good.
Are you just gonna keep having the last word? No.
Thank you.
Just say it.
You're welcome.
A secret casino room? Yeah.
The cops shut me down.
That is so cool.
Very cool.
I got a room full of slot machines I can't turn on and a room full of washing machines I don't want.
Let's get this going again.
I can't.
I'm on their radar now.
That sucks.
This is not how I saw this playing out.
Hey, you took a shot.
That's impressive.
I guess.
I mean, most folks your age have someone cutting up their food.
That's enough.
Well, I still think you're a badass.
Thank you.
- We should probably get back out there.
- Oh.
I ain't working for you.
But I'm rooting for you.
So, how'd it go? I had Dr.
Sturgis present his ideas to Dr.
Linkletter like you said.
And? John, I must say, that might be the stupidest idea I've ever heard.
Big talk coming from the man who thought the whole thing could be explained with classical field theory.
Oh, no.
- Then what happened? - Well Why on earth would you bring this crackpot into my lab? You didn't mention me, did you? Because we're all on Team Science, and don't we want Team Science to win? - Okay, good.
- But then "Team Science"? And where did you get that bit of clichéd nonsense? My dad.
What did you say to Billy? Uh What did Billy say to you? He asked me out.
And he said he talked to you about it? - Well, yes, but - Why wouldn't you warn me? He asked me out in front of my friends.
I didn't tell him to do it.
I-I told him to think about it.
Well, he thought about it, and then he did it, so thanks a lot.
Wayne was right.
You told Coach Wilkins? - A little.
- His wife is my teacher.
Do you have any idea how bad this is? I'm putting it together.
I didn't tell him to do it! You see it, right? That Dr.
Sturgis was correct and I need to eat crow and go back to him? Yes.
Let's just give it another moment.
- Morning.
- Mmm.
- What's this? - You've been doing such a good job at home, I thought you should be recognized.
- Thanks.
- Mm.
How'd everything go last night? Not bad.
Not bad.
Glad to hear it.
You lying sack.
- What? - I know Billy asked Missy out and it all went south.
Darlene told me everything.
Oh, man, how did she find out? You know how gossip flies in the teachers' lounge.
Everything you said is true.
Shouldn't have gotten involved.
Well, I'm-a let you keep the mug - as a goal to work towards.
- Mm, gee, thanks.
How'd the thing with Sheldon go? All right, give me the mug back.
67 years old, scraping Tootsie Roll out - of a clothes dryer.
- Hey.
What do you want? I want to help you out.
Oh, I knew you'd come back.
Listen, I got most of it, but there's this one chunk in there that won't let go.
I'm not here to work.
I'm here with the answers to all your problems.
And what is that? How to get your back room up and running again.
I'm listening.
I was thinking about Chuck E.
Oh, God.
Hear me out.
Your payouts were in cash.
That's illegal.
When you play games at Chuck E.
Cheese, you win tickets.
Those tickets are traded for prizes.
That's legal.
You just need to do the same thing.
People play your machines.
Now the credits they win get exchanged for stuffed animals.
Then you buy those stuffed animals back for cash.
No laws broken, and you're back in business.
That's the stupidest thing I ever heard.
Why? Because I don't run a carnival.
Grown-up people don't-don't gamble to win a teddy bear.
You're not getting it.
I'm getting that it's dumb.
I'm trying to help you.
If you really wanted to help me, you would stick your head in there and start scraping.
Eventually, Dr.
Linkletter admitted we could use the help of Dr.
Sturgis, and Team Science was back in action scoring goals against Team Ignorance.
Look at me, talking like a jock.
Oh, I see you came around to my idea for distinguishing massive particles from axion particles.
Well, it did provide an excellent jumping-off point for me to crack the actual problem.
Seems the actual problem is your inability to recognize a brilliant idea when it's handed to you.
Is that so, you pedantic little gremlin? How dare you! Well, it's all just simple My father was right.
They were bringing the best out of each other, like steel sharpening steel.
Although I suppose, based on your premise, we could calculate the stress-energy tensor for each.
It turned out their antagonism was the key to their success.
find an experiment to distinguish them.
While derivative, I'll admit your point does have some merit.
Of course it has merit, you you - Big, pink Sasquatch? - Good.
You big, pink Sasquatch! Bink's the name.
- Dr.
- Dr.
Fink? Bink.
With a "buh," "buh," "buh.
" How you doing? Fine.
Things okay at school? Why? So you can go tell your friends? I just want to know how you're doing.
Let's see.
Billy feels bad.
I feel bad for turning him down.
Everything's awkward and terrible now.
Does that answer your question? Hey.
Thanks for letting me come by.
- How's he doing? - I don't know.
He never tells me anything.
Well, Missy talks.
It is not an improvement.
Billy! Mr.
Cooper's here! How you doing? Oh, do not look under that rock.
But I appreciate you asking.
Tough week, huh? Yeah.
Yeah, I been there.
- You have? - Oh, yeah.
Darcy Lockhart, eighth grade.
Shut me down on the school bus.
- That sounds awful.
- Couldn't even leave.
Just had to sit there.
I asked nine stops too early.
What did you do? I felt bad for a while, but then I asked out Maggie Gormly.
She said yes? Absolutely not.
And would you believe I did it on the bus a second time? What a dope.
Well, I'm never asking anybody out again.
You will.
At least the worst part's over.
- Doesn't feel like it.
- Hey.
You got rejected, but was it the end of the world? No.
And that is extremely valuable information.
A lot of guys don't learn that and stop taking chances.
And honestly, you dodged a bullet with Missy.
The girl is mean.
My father didn't always get the credit he deserved.
The advice he gave me actually worked out pretty well.
Of course, I never told him.
Talked to Billy.
Why would you do that? No, it was good.
Stay out of my life.
He may not have been the world's greatest dad.
But maybe we weren't the world's greatest kids.
I guess I'll just sell the place.
If I take a bath, so be it.
Oh, I don't know.
I got a realtor friend, might be able to help.
You mean like your cop friend who shut me down? Yeah, that wasn't great.
What about Georgie's idea? That dumb Chuck E.
Cheese thing? Dale, come on.
Well, actually, I think it's kind of brilliant.
You think that grown-ups are gonna gamble for some stuffed animals? Yeah, that you're buying back from them.
Well, a teddy bear's only worth a couple of bucks.
It's worth whatever you say it's worth.
They win a hundred bucks, then it's worth a hundred bucks.
It seems I owe you an apology.
Come on in.

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