Young Sheldon (2017) s05e08 Episode Script

The Grand Chancellor and a Den of Sin

1 Previously on Young Sheldon A secret casino room? The cops shut me down.
Let's get this going again.
How we doing? There's a problem with the cashbox.
Oh, what's that? Can't get it to close.
That is my kind of problem.
Let's talk about the glory of meetings.
What's not to love? Agendas, detailed minutes, and if you're lucky, they begin and end with the soothing sound of discipline and rules.
You can imagine my frustration when I found out East Texas Tech had faculty meetings that I was not allowed to attend.
- Excuse me.
- Not that I didn't try.
Goodbye, Sheldon.
Darn it.
Sheldon, out.
Sorry, I thought you were an irritating young man that won't leave me alone.
That's rude.
So, how was it? Did any subcommittees get formed? No, Sheldon, it was just a budget meeting.
Ooh, budgets, do tell.
Most of it was about reducing the gen-ed science requirement from eight credits to four.
But that's less science classes.
Who would want that? Apparently the administration, the students and their parents.
- Did anyone try to stop it? - No.
- Did it spark a heated debate? - Not really, no.
Were you at least annoyed? - Do I sound annoyed? - Yes.
Well, there you go.
I can't believe the faculty is okay with this.
It just means students who aren't science majors need to take one class instead of two.
But that's 50% less.
Sheldon, this doesn't affect you.
Less science affects all of society.
And in case you haven't noticed, I'm good at making things all about me.
Yes, I have picked up on that.
Sorry, there's nothing I can do about it.
I understand.
You're just a cog in the machine.
In fact, why am I talking to you? Feel free to stop.
I thought you'd be at work.
I work nights this week.
Oh, I didn't realize the Laundromat was open late.
I did that.
People work during the day, it seemed like an untapped market.
You know, if you want to advertise your new hours, you could take out an ad in the church bulletin.
That ain't a bad idea.
Maybe I'm where you get it from.
Oh! It could say something like, "Jesus washes away your sins, and we'll wash away your stains.
" Wow! You are really good at this.
And do you really want to be the president of a university that is responsible for the dumbing down of scientific discourse on this campus? I totally agree with you.
You do? Oh, it's an outrage.
I came here to make this school the Harvard of East Texas.
Not the Wh-What's your least favorite school? MIT.
Not the MIT of East Texas.
Nice dig at MIT.
Well, they deserve it.
So, you're gonna keep the science requirements the same? If it were up to me, yes.
But you're the president.
Everyone has a boss, Sheldon.
Now, unfortunately, I have to answer to the grand chancellor.
I've never heard of him.
Oh, well, he definitely exists.
Perhaps I should speak with him.
I appreciate that, but this is my fight Win or lose and I'll probably lose, but I am gonna go down swinging, I promise you that.
Can I help? Absolutely.
I need you to put together a report backing up our position.
Charts, graphs the whole shebang.
Charts and graphs of what? Am I helping you or are you helping me? Uh, of course.
I'll figure it out.
I know you will.
Okay, now, get out of here.
You have a lot of work to do.
Yes, ma'am.
Kid makes me thirsty.
Maybe we take a little break and let this one dry out.
You don't have to ask me twice.
Do you ever think about quitting? This job? Yeah.
Since when did we start advertising gambling rooms? What? It's a Laundromat.
Yeah, and the massage parlor off the freeway is for stiff necks.
Well, that is a legitimate business.
My mother owns it, my son works there.
If you say so.
I do say so.
It's true.
I'd say, "Want to bet," but I lost 40 bucks last night at your mom's "legitimate business.
" Are you running a gambling room in the back of the Laundromat? What? No.
Peg says she was there last night.
Oh, "gambling room.
" Yeah.
What are you thinking? You know gambling is illegal.
Why do you care how people spend their money? Gambling destroys lives.
That's what you say about booze.
I think it's an excellent pairing.
Wait, does Georgie know about all of this? Um Oh, my Lord.
It's okay, I'm looking after for him.
What if the police show up? Don't you worry about them.
We got an understanding.
What does that mean? I'd explain it to you, but you wouldn't understand.
You are unbelievable.
It is bad enough for you to do all this stuff, but then to drag Georgie down into your den of sin.
Oh, please, it's not a den of sin.
Although that is a great name.
Den of Sin.
That would get some butts in seats.
The chancellor said no? Did he even look at my report? He did, he was impressed, but it didn't change his mind.
After all our hard work.
I know.
But hey, we gave it our best shot, so time to move on, right? Absolutely not.
Are you sure? 'Cause it feels like time to me.
We have to keep fighting.
If Antonie van Leeuwenhoek had given up, where would we be? Where would we be? In a world without microscopes.
Because that guy invented them? Boy, did he.
At least the first modern microscope.
He's known as the father of microbiology.
I have a good book on him I could loan you.
Anyway, we can't give up.
Hey, you are preaching to the choir, but I mean, what can we do? I could write to some science luminaries, try get them on our side.
Stephen Hawking, Carl Sagan.
Not Antonie van Leeuwenhoek.
He's dead.
All right, but just on the off chance that they're too busy to reply, I think that you should get out there on campus, talk to students, change their minds.
One-on-one? That could take months.
Animated films.
Frog anatomy.
The Bible.
Why are you watching Jeopardy? Sheldon's not the only one who likes to learn stuff.
You don't know where the remote is.
It's right here.
It's just out of batteries.
Want me to get some? And a beer while you're at.
Is Georgie here? No, I think he's still at work.
Do you know that that Laundromat is just a front for gambling? - Cool.
- Missy Cooper, that was not for your ears.
Go to your room.
So, what's this all about? My mother is running a gambling room out of the back of the Laundromat, and she has Georgie helping her.
They never invited me.
We have to get him out of there.
Mary, we told him not to drop out of school, he dropped out of school.
Told him he couldn't have girls in the garage, he has girls in the garage.
- He does? - So many.
Missy! I'm in my room.
Well, close the door.
All the way.
The point is, he didn't listen to us then, he's not gonna listen now.
So, we do nothing? We let him make his own mistakes.
That just sounds like another way of saying we do nothing.
I'm gonna go down there.
And that's a mistake I'm gonna let you make.
Missy! Batteries! President Hagemeyer was counting on me to turn the tide of public opinion and ignite the outrage of my fellow students.
Excuse me, would you like to sign my petition? It's about the university reducing our science requirements.
Less science? Sweet.
No, it's to stop the reduction and keep our science curriculum strong.
Are you hurrying off to tell your friends? "Ben Dover.
" Thanks, Ben.
- No.
- Nuh-uh.
Excuse me, would you like to sign my petition about keeping - our science requirements strong? - Of course.
If you'll sign mine to increase funding for the school jazz band.
Let's pretend we never met.
I needed a new plan.
One where I could reach the masses.
The front page of the campus newspaper was my best course of action.
I deployed every weapon in my literary arsenal.
So funny.
So moving.
So scary.
And last but not least, heartfelt emotion.
Eh, not where I shine.
I'll end on fear.
Excuse me, if I had an exposé that's going to rip the lid off this university's leadership and shine a light on its rotten core, who would I turn that in to? You can give it to me.
I'd feel more comfortable giving it to someone who's less likely to roll it up and smoke it.
Well, I'm the editor, so it's me or nothing.
Very well.
I'm handing you the scoop of a lifetime.
As your people say, I think you'll dig it.
Hey, what are you doing here? I know about the room in the back.
Do you know whether or not I know? Yes.
Okay, that's gonna save us a lot of time.
It is not okay.
You are quitting right now.
Why would I do that? Because I am your mother, and it is wrong.
Well, I'm working for your mother, and she says it's okay.
And I answer to a higher power, and He says it's also wrong, so I win, let's go.
Mom, please don't make a big deal out of this.
Oh, so there is an illegal gambling room in the back, and it's no big deal? There's a gambling room back there? And there is a church two blocks down, so maybe try that.
Just go around to the alley.
The password is "dryer sheet.
" This is not a joke.
I'm worried about your soul.
I'm not gambling.
No one's getting hurt.
Georgie, I know you think that, but this does hurt people.
It's not my business what people do with their money.
And it ain't your business, either, so butt out.
The next day, I got to campus early to get a copy of my article, hot off the presses.
Normally, I don't like getting newspaper ink on my hands, but this was worth it.
Plus, I had Wet-Naps.
Where's my exposé? I didn't run it.
What? Why? You're blaming this whole thing on a grand chancellor.
There's no such person.
Of course there is.
He's President Hagemeyer's boss.
She doesn't have a boss.
She's the president.
Yes, she does, and we've been trying to fight him, but he won't budge.
The grand chancellor? Well, when you say it like that it sounds made-up.
How would you say it? The grand chancellor.
I've been had.
Not now, I'm on the phone.
Oh, are you talking to the grand chancellor? Who I know doesn't exist, just like your integrity.
Uh, I'll-I'll call you back.
Don't believe her! You can't just barge into my office.
And you can't just lie to my face.
I can and I did.
Well, I'm going to start calling you President Hage-liar, and I think it'll to catch on because it's both true and clever.
Look, I know you're upset, but you left me no choice.
I knew you'd be a pain in the ass about these cuts.
Language, and also, these cuts are detrimental on so many levels.
Not to the university.
Look My job means sometimes making very hard decisions.
Now, I'm sorry that I lied to you, and-and if it helps, I didn't enjoy it.
Yes, you did.
Yes, I did.
I mean, grand chancellor? I really pulled that one out of my Ah-ah.
Well, I can lie about things, too.
Did I knock your papers on the floor? No, I didn't.
Did I move your stapler? No, I didn't.
Ooh, did I break your pencil? Yes, I did.
Hey, Mary.
Quick question.
Why can I see you through my newsletter? Oh, sorry, I had to remove one of the ads.
Was there anything important on the other side? Just Peg's recipe for her grape salad.
With the mayonnaise and the pretzels.
Everything okay? I feel like I'm a failure as a mother.
What? Why? Georgie dropped out of school, and now he's working in a gambling room.
I tried so hard to keep him on the right path, and now I feel like I'm just pushing him away.
Hey, teenagers rebel.
When I was a kid in El Paso, we used to cross the border to drink beer and dance the night away.
I thought your father was a pastor.
He was.
It didn't stop me.
It's hard to imagine.
I'm sure my father felt the same way when he found his little jefe doing the hustle en la discoteca.
Just picture this, but with a big ol' '70s perm.
I looked like a Chia Pet.
I still can't believe she lied to me.
Look, here's something you should know about life: People lie.
Everybody? Pretty much.
Well, I don't like it.
It's not always a bad thing.
When is lying good? Like when you're trying to spare someone's feelings.
Oh, I'd rather everybody just be honest.
The last thing I wanted to do today was pick you up.
You said you were happy to do it.
See? Lies.
Not the worst.
I think I need to stop blindly trusting everything.
Probably not a bad idea.
I wish I could believe you.
Once I was on the lookout for liars, I saw them everywhere.
absolutely necessary.
You're not a captain.
You're just an actor.
Which is another word for liar.
And nothing is more important than my ship.
He's so darn good at it, though.
I hear no snap, I hear no pop, only crackle.
A bowl of lies.
Why are you watching wrestling? They beat the crap out of each other.
It's great.
I bet it's all fake.
Does that look fake to you? Okay, it's nice to know something's real.
Ooh, he's bleeding.
Please watch over Missy and Sheldon and especially Georgie.
And please don't let my failings as a mother get in the way of Your plans for their lives.
Hey, baby.
What's wrong? Is it that obvious? Well, you are outside, where birds live.
I'll make it quick.
I'm experiencing what the Germans call weltschmerz.
And what do Americans call it? The pain of the world.
Sounds more fun in German.
Most things do.
Tell me why you have What is it? Weltschmerz.
It's recently come to my attention that everybody lies and you can't believe a thing that comes out of anyone's mouth.
I don't think everybody lies.
You don't lie.
No, but perhaps to get by in the world it's a skill I should cultivate.
I hope you don't.
I love your honesty.
I want to believe you.
You should, because I'm your mother and I would never lie to you.
I would never lie to you, either.
So, I guess not everybody lies.
I heard what you said in your prayer, and I don't think you're failing as a mother.
Thank you.
I think you're a pretty great son yourself.
I know I'm difficult.
There is not a single thing about you I would change.
My mom promised she would never lie to me.
And she never did.
I'm sorry.
Mom send you? No.
She also doesn't know I'm here, so let's keep that between us.
All right.
Where's your meemaw? Not here.
She leaves me in charge - when she's gone.
- Is that right? I also handle stuff in the Laundromat.
Well, good for you.
So you're okay with me working here? Well, since I never been here and we never had this conversation sure.
Want to give it a spin? These things really pay out? All the time.
Not that one.
We call it the homewrecker.
Which one, then? That one's your buddy.
Yeah? Look at me! I-I won two dollars! President Hagemeyer.
Miss Hagemeyer, Stephen Hawking here.
Oh, hello.
I I Is this really Stephen Hawking? Does it not sound like me? Sorry, I have a cold.
Oh, uh That was a joke.
Ha, ha, ha.
Uh how can I help you, sir? I received a letter from one of your students about the decision to reduce science requirements.
Very disappointing.
Well, I would never want to disappoint you, but that-that wasn't my decision.
Whose decision was it? The grand chancellor.
That is a lie.
Yeah, yeah, that's a lie.
Has anyone ever called you President Hage-liar?
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