Young Sheldon (2017) s05e09 Episode Script

1 Previously on Young Sheldon Billy! Mr.
Cooper is here.
How you doing? Do not look under that rock.
But I appreciate you asking.
Hey, you got rejected.
But was it the end of the world? No.
And that is extremely valuable information.
And honestly you dodged a bullet with Missy.
The girl is mean.
Thanks.
[indistinct chatter, clamoring.]
WOMAN: Come on, Missy! - Hey.
- Hey! Came to see your man be a leader of little people, huh? I came to see my granddaughter pitch.
Yeah, under my leadership.
All right, Cooper, let's see what you got.
Come on, girl! Come on, shake it off! You got this.
What the hell was that? Well, there's some leadership.
DALE: Time! Cooper! Time! Cooper, what is the problem? The ball isn't going where it's supposed to.
I saw that.
What am I doing wrong? Just a little case of the yips.
- It happens.
- What's that? The yips you know, it's when you're thinking about stuff in your head and something you've done a million times, you can't do it anymore.
Even the pros get it.
How do I get rid of it? Uh, just don't think about it.
Okay.
[sighs.]
Don't think, just throw.
[crowd clamoring.]
I hate the little people.
Nobody else is stronger than I am Yesterday I moved a mountain I bet I could be your hero I am a mighty little man [engine sputtering.]
BRENDA: Damn it! Brenda? What? Everything okay over there? Oh, yeah.
Okay.
[engine sputtering.]
Damn it! Okay, give her a go.
[engine starts.]
You're a lifesaver.
It's a gift.
Can I offer you a beer and some thank-you cobbler? Weren't you on your way somewhere? Weight Watchers.
[laughs.]
What do you say? Eh, sure.
Do guys ever go to those Weight Watchers meetings? Yeah, but they're all fat.
[laughs.]
ADULT SHELDON: Of all the tests one takes in school, my favorite was the midterm.
Finals weren't bad, but they also meant summer was approaching.
I don't believe in religion, but sunshine, picnics and pool parties are proof hell exists.
[nearby thud.]
[door thuds.]
Aah! Why are you trying to hit me? I'm trying to hit the target.
It's over there.
I know, dingus.
I thought you were good at this.
I was.
Coach Dale says I have the yips.
It's not contagious, is it? No, it happens in sports.
Suddenly you can't do a thing that used to be easy.
It doesn't sound real.
Then why can't I pitch anymore? Ooh, perhaps it's the onset of puberty and the hysterical mood swings that go with it.
Dingus, house.
You're only proving my point.
What, Billy won an award? Participation.
Big whoop.
I guess it's something.
Well, he ain't the sharpest pencil in the box, but he's the sweetest kid I know.
Well, Sheldon is the sharpest pencil.
Sometimes I'd just like to shove his head in that box.
- [chuckles.]
- Where's your trash? Everywhere.
- But the basket's under the sink.
- Mm.
[exhales.]
You know your faucet's leaking? Yep, this whole place is falling apart.
Well I'll come over another time, and take care of it.
Oh.
You know, you don't have to do that.
One more? I should get going.
Well, thanks again.
Want to buy a house? [door opens.]
Hey, where you been? Ah, Brenda was having car trouble.
- Just giving her hand.
- That's nice.
I'm sure it's hard being by herself.
Yeah.
That whole house is in need of repair.
I hope you offered to help her out.
I did she said no.
Well, that's just her being proud.
Of course she wants your help.
[stammers.]
I guess some time I'll pop over.
Good.
And when you go, hitch up your pants.
There's a lot going on when you squat.
LINKLETTER: All right.
You have 45 minutes to complete the test, eyes on your own paper and Yes, Sheldon, if you finish early, you can take it again.
And begin! ADULT SHELDON: And I was off.
I flew through wave functions.
I dominated harmonic oscillators.
The only challenging part of this exam was trying to balance the desire to finish quickly with the urge to stop and smell my freshly sharpened pencil.
Mmm.
I was in the zone.
Only one question left.
All I needed to do was solve Schrodinger's equation in a cylindrical well by employing the zeroes of the Bessel function, which of course were Wait, what are they? Come on, you know this.
You've done it a million times.
Oh, dear.
All right, Sheldon, time to turn in your test.
I'm not done yet.
[sighs.]
I know you like to add your own "better questions" at the end, but for the last time, I don't count them.
I just need a few more minutes on this problem.
That's an easy one.
Just apply the zeroes of the Bessel function.
I know what I have to do.
Is this is a tantrum? I've heard children your age like to throw them.
I can't remember what the zeroes of the Bessel function are.
You didn't memorize them? Of course I did October 7, 1988.
I had just had a bowl of Teddy Grahams.
Then what's the problem? I'm blanking, but I'll get it.
Sorry, son, class is over.
No, I can do this.
It's just one question.
You'll still pass.
Sheldon Cooper doesn't "just pass.
" I have an idea.
Let me see the test.
Thank you.
Sheldon Cooper isn't always - that gullible.
- He was today.
All right, almost there.
Hand me a screwdriver.
Don't stick this in an outlet.
It really tingles.
- We had an incident.
- Yeah.
You know what? Why don't you fix it? - BOTH: Really? - Yeah, you see that little screw there? Just go ahead and tighten her up.
- Like this? - Yep.
BILLY: What now? Uh, run outside and turn the water back on.
Here, I'm not allowed to run with this.
We've had a lot of incidents.
- Who knew you were so handy? - Yeah.
There's just things guys need to be good at.
What else you good at? [water sputters.]
I should go.
[door closes.]
Hey, pretty lady.
- Are you drinking already? - [laughs.]
No! Can't a guy give his wife a compliment? Do I have to smell your breath? How about a kiss instead? What is with you? Well, I don't know.
Kids aren't home.
Now? I'm doing laundry.
Laundry can wait.
So can your thing.
I like to think of it as ourthing, but if you only have time for my thing, that's fine, too.
You're being weird.
Weird sexy? No.
- Headed to the bedroom? - No! Just checking.
[sighs.]
SHELDON: Missy! You gave me your yips.
What? I froze on a test.
That's never happened before.
It's all your fault.
I told you it's not contagious.
You put the thought in my head.
The power of suggestion is very real.
Case in point: tulip mania.
- Here we go.
- Tulip mania was an insane desire to buy and trade tulip bulbs in the 1600s.
It nearly ruined the Dutch economy.
You would not believe the gilders they were spending.
How can you remember this stupid information, but not the stuff on your test? You tell me, they're your yips.
Sheldon, if I knew how to make it stop, I would tell you.
You better.
Maybe it's puberty making you all emotional.
I checked my armpits Smooth as balloons.
[groans.]
- Hey.
- [groans.]
What's your problem? I don't want to talk about it.
- Great.
- I had a mental block on a test and it was something that I absolutely know how to do.
Oh, you know, that sort of thing happens in sports, too.
I know.
It's called the yips, and it's a very silly name for a very serious problem.
Well, you know, the best thing to do is get out of your head.
How do I do that? Just turn your brain off.
It's like I'm not even your son.
[sighs.]
Look.
I know you don't respect what I do as a coach.
Maybe you do know me.
But this is a thing I actually know about.
I've seen it happen to my players.
I've seen it happen to pros in golf.
In baseball.
The answer is always the same.
Stop thinking and get out of your own way.
I don't know how to do that.
Have you ever heard the Nike slogan "Just do it"? I'm familiar with the phrase "let's do it," uttered by Gary Gilmore, the last person to be executed by firing squad in America.
Okay, well, it's a shoe slogan.
And it's good advice.
The answer is already in your head.
Don't think so hard.
Just do it.
I'll try.
Good man.
Another fun footwear slogan is "I'm Buster Brown.
I live in a shoe.
That's my dog Tige.
Look for him there, too.
" Mm, I think mine is more helpful.
Well, mine rhymes, so ADULT SHELDON: I decided to heed my father's advice.
I wasn't sure how to turn off my brain.
Thankfully, I lived with an expert.
What's up? I've never really thought about not thinking before.
Well, I'm asking you to think about it.
But I thought you were interested in not thinking.
I am.
I want you to think about not thinking, and then teach me how to do it.
- Do what? - Not think.
All right.
This is tough.
I'm good at not thinking, but I don't think I can teach you how to not think without thinking.
Hmm, well, thank you for trying.
Hold on! What if you're thinking about something else instead? Would that count as thinking or not thinking? I suppose it's similar to the mantras extolled by the sages of the east.
It's a practice that Swami Vivekananda called Japa Yoga and it's intended to bring out a single-pointedness of concentration.
Sorry, I zoned out.
- Ooh, tell me how.
- Let's see.
You were blabbering.
It all started to blur together.
And I was gone.
At what point did it start to happen? I don't know.
Say it again.
I said I suppose it's similar to the mantras extolled by the sages of the east.
It's a practice that Swami Vivekananda called Japa Yoga That is wild.
ADULT SHELDON: The next day, armed with the sage advice of my father, my brother, and an executed murderer, I was allowed to retake the test.
You have 45 minutes starting now.
SHELDON: Okay, just do it.
Just do it.
Just turn your brain off and do it.
Is it off? Am I doing it? Wait, if I'm thinking it's off, then it must still be on.
I'm trying too hard.
Don't overthink, just do it.
Just do it, just Time's up.
But I didn't do it.
Waste my morning? You did it.
That toilet won't stop running.
Have you tried jiggling the handle? I jiggled it, wiggled it.
Damn near had a baby with it.
[chuckles.]
Yeah, let me take a look.
I was fixing to put some dinner on, if you care to join me.
I don't want to put you out.
It's just frozen lasagna.
But I'm going oven instead of microwave, 'cause you're company.
[chuckles.]
What are you doing? What do you mean? [scoffs.]
You know what I mean.
I was just trying to thank you.
And you're the one who offered to come over here and fix things.
I was being nice.
So was I.
Yeah, maybe a little too nice.
There is no pleasing you.
Well, I don't need this here.
I can get fighting at my house.
Then maybe you should go back to your house.
BILLY: Mom, can you help with my homework? There in a sec.
You leaving? You gonna fix the toilet? - No.
- Then I guess I'm not leaving.
Thank you.
Lasagna? Small piece.
Mary's making tacos.
Okay.
ADULT SHELDON: Trying to outsmart my own thought patterns proved to be challenging.
It's understandable, as smart as I was, I was also that smart.
I wondered if I could invent a mind control device, but that sounded a little too "mwah-ha-ha" even for me.
It turned out the device I was looking for had been in my presence the entire time.
Television.
It had been tranquilizing the minds of America's youth for generations, and it was just what I needed.
MAN: Lift off.
Too interesting.
Too violent.
[indistinct TV chatter.]
[chuckles.]
I don't think so.
Now, then, let's build us a little cloud.
Clouds are very free.
Very, very free.
Tell you what.
If you That was so much fun, let's get crazy Who's this bohemian? PETERSON: If you could have any job in the high school, what would it be? [laughs.]
I don't know, why? Sometimes I look at the janitor pushing around that buffing machine.
That thing looks like a blast.
He doesn't wear a tie.
No fights with the school board.
Vomit and feces aside, he's, he's living the dream.
Hello? Am I boring you? Sorry.
I'm a little distracted.
Trouble at home? - Something like that.
- Mm.
You want to talk about it? No.
Tell me about your fun bachelor life.
Well, as of last week, I officially tasted every Campbell's soup.
[laughing.]
: Come on, Tom.
I'm trying to live vicariously here.
There's got to be something good.
Let's see, I go hunting and fishing whenever I feel like it.
Now we're getting somewhere.
- Spend my money on whatever I want.
- Mm.
What was the last thing you got? Foreman fight on pay-per-view.
I ate a bucket of chicken and watched it in my underwear.
You lucky bastard.
Uh-huh.
[chuckles.]
What about women? [sighs.]
Honestly it's tough to meet people at this age.
No, come on, charming fella like you? [scoffs.]
Sadly, this is the best night out I've had in a long time.
Yeah.
Me, too.
But if you know anybody, send them my way.
[country song playing softly.]
Yeah, I'll think about.
You ever eat chicken in your underwear? What do you think? - Yes.
- Yes.
BOB ROSS: Making a gorgeous little mountain.
Ooh.
Little stand of evergreens that lives right in here.
I didn't know Richard Simmons can paint.
His name's Bob Ross.
And he's oddly hypnotic.
You're gonna paint? No, I just like watching him.
I can't explain it, but his voice and demeanor are comforting, like a hot beverage.
Let's get crazy and, once again, just pull it out, just like we did the other one.
Yawn.
Barely touch, whisper.
Just whisper light.
Let it go.
Let it go, no pressure.
ADULT SHELDON: The yips are a cruel mistress.
But thanks to a magical man with a halo of curls, I was finally able to relax and get out of my own head.
Instead of freezing up, I thought about happy integers.
Fluffy little formulas and a sweet Bessel function that just wants me to do my very best.
Done.
Great, I can still make my doubles match.
Get out.
- [crowd groaning.]
- [sighs.]
Damn it.
- Hold it.
Time, time, time.
- UMPIRE: Time! I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
Ah, don't worry about it.
It's not your fault.
- It isn't? - No, I'm the one that let a girl pitch.
It's my mistake.
What? I've won so many games.
Oh, that was then.
Why are you being so mean? Well, why are you getting so emotional, like women do? Maybe you ought to be a cheerleader.
You trying to make me mad? - Is it working? - Yeah.
Well, I tell you what, picture my face in the catcher's mitt.
What? Do I have to dumb it down for you? Just do what I tell you.
[sighs.]
[spectators calling out.]
[grunts.]
- Strike! - Yes! Aw, don't get all hysterical, little girl! You suck! You suck! No! You suck! Strike! I am the leader of the little people.