Younger (2015) s05e01 Episode Script


1 [THE HIGHFIELD’S "BOLD"] Ah ah Ah ah [PHONE DINGS] - Ah ah - [SCREEN CLACKING] - - Ah ah - Liza! - [PHONE BLIPS] - Hey.
- Hey.
- When did you get back? - Oh, late last night.
I thought you were flying there to stop it, but I guess not.
So, these are real? [SIGHS] It’s Josh.
Impetuous, romantic, selfless, a little crazy, and yes, I think he’s making a mistake, but I’m the last person who can tell him that.
I feel like you are the one person who could tell him that.
I tried, Kels.
I really did.
But it wasn’t Josh that wanted me there.
It was Clare.
She wanted pictures of me at the wedding.
It’ll come in handy when I vouch for their relationship to immigration.
Oh, you got yourself into a pickle.
Yep, a real pickle.
Ah ah Ah ah ah We ain’t gotta do anything we’re told Express yourself There’s only one way to go We go big we go bold Okay, let’s take it one step at a time.
I will let you know how it goes.
- Welcome back.
- Thank you.
And sorry for leaving on such short notice.
Josh got married to a girl that I introduced him to.
She’s Irish, so they got married in Ireland.
It’s really green.
[SOFT LAUGH] [INHALES] Liza, um, I’ve been reviewing some of the things that went on here over the past year, and I’m concerned that you have been put in a compromising position.
It’s been weighing on me, and if you think that the behavior was inappropriate, you have to let me know.
No, no, no.
What happened in this office was incredible.
I think about it all the time.
But with Pauline back and wanting to reconcile with you and the family, you know that I could not stand in the way of that.
But my feelings are there.
And they’re real.
Thank you for that, Liza.
I appreciate it.
I really do.
But in this case, I wasn’t referring to me.
I was talking about Edward LL Moore.
It hasn’t yet been announced, but he’s decided to write a new book in the "Crown of Kings" series: "The Pam Pam Chronicles," a prequel that could launch an entirely new and very lucrative franchise.
- That’s wonderful.
- Yeah, yeah, could be, but there has been an anonymous accusation made on a "Crown of Kings" fan site.
A woman who goes by the handle of the Mistress of Thandor has accused Moore of making lewd and inappropriate comments.
- What did he supposedly say? - Unclear.
The offensive remarks were allegedly made in Kronish.
Edward insists he said he would like to, "Come to her Kraka," and she claims that he said, "I would love to come in your Krashka.
" - I don’t speak Kronish.
- Oh, well, one means house, the other means mouth.
- Oh.
- [KNOCKING] Come in.
Liza, I wanted to speak to you before you - So, are we good? - Not quite.
Wait, you realize this anonymous accusation is nothing but a smear campaign from Rivington because we stole LL Moore.
It’s like what the Russians did to our election.
Liza, I can’t help but think about his last book release in Times Square.
Now, my princess, I get to eat you, [BOORISH LAUGH] So if there’s anything that you would like to discuss, now would be the time.
[MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC] Do you want to say something, Liza? Could destroy the company, but we’ll support you.
He’s a flirty old man, but he never crossed the line, no.
You sure? Yes.
Okay, so we announce "The Pam Pam Chronicles" at Comic-Con tomorrow.
All of the former Princess Pam Pams will be there.
Edward specifically requested you.
Your support would mean the world to him.
Wearing the fur bikini? Princess Pam Pam is a heroine.
I mean, she’s all about female empowerment.
I don’t hear anybody criticizing Wonder Woman’s costume.
Actually, the bikini is from her slave girl origins.
- That’s right.
- The costume is not - the point here.
- No.
What is important is that going forward, we have clear guidelines at this company regarding appropriate behavior.
Long overdue.
HR wants a seminar today.
Looking forward to it.
[MELLOW MUSIC] While you were cavorting around Ireland, I was meticulously planning the surprise Comic-Con launch.
There is a list on your desk of every former Princess Pam Pam.
Edward wants them on stage and in costume - during the announcement.
- Got it.
Oh, and pick me up a chopped salad so my blood sugar doesn’t drop during that seminar.
Of course, and again, sorry for taking a couple of days off at such short notice.
Books never sleep, Liza.
Remember that the next time you chase a former lover halfway around the world.
Hey, I have a surprise for you in my office.
Can I have a hint? I don’t think I could take another one today.
[GROANS QUIETLY] - [SQUEALS] - Pauline! Liza! Oh, I missed you this week.
Did you see "Good Morning America"? - I did.
- I wish you had been there.
That was your victory too.
What’s all this? These are the first copies of "Marriage Vacation.
" [LAUGHTER] I wanted us all to be together when I hold my book for the first time.
Oh, my gosh.
You know, a year ago, I wouldn’t have trusted myself around one of these things [LAUGHS] But now, thanks to both of you [HUMS GLEEFULLY] [LAUGHS] Oh, my God.
It’s beautiful.
Thank you both for believing in me, for helping me bring this dream to life.
Thank you [LAUGHS] Oh, just doing our job.
- Thank you so much.
- You are so welcome.
All right, will you help me take a picture for my Instagram account? - Of course.
- Dopey, I realize, but - Ready? - [CAMERA CLICKING SOUND] No, no, no, no.
I don’t believe this.
"Empirical"? This is our book.
I cannot believe Charles did this.
So, why bother with an imprint if you’re just going to steal my books? Whoa, will you slow down? Apparently, you’d prefer if I just stopped altogether.
It is going to be a bigger book as an Empirical title, especially now that we’re about to announce a new "Crown of Kings" prequel.
Think she’s a little behind on this one.
- When did that happen? - We’re announcing tomorrow at Comic-Con, and it is going to shine a big spotlight on "Marriage Vacation.
" Basically, your book is getting a promotion, Peters, published by the flagship brand.
This has zero to do with you, Zane.
Can you please clarify hierarchy around here for Zane ’cause someone’s really chiming in - when they shouldn’t be.
- We’re all one company here.
You are equals.
Zane focuses on Empirical, and obviously, Kelsey, you are Millennial.
Yeah whatever that’s supposed to mean.
[UPBEAT MUSIC] Run don’t walk if you really want it bad It’s yours for the taking Yours for the taking [HARMONIZING] This could be yours if you really want it bad Liza? Bob? Hi.
How what are you doing here? Well, I have a meeting nearby.
What are you doing here? Oh, I, uh, just really love this chopped salad place.
Seriously? They don’t have chopped salad places in Brooklyn? [LAUGHS] This is the best one.
- Ah.
- How’s Rose? Caitlin said she got accepted to the honors program - for environmental studies? - Yes.
She’s going to save the planet, evidently.
- Oh, thank God.
- [LAUGHS] Diana? Diana? Diana? Diana.
That’s me.
Thank you.
I never use my real name.
That’s a pro tip [CLICKS TONGUE] [LAUGHS] Love to Julia.
[UPBEAT MUSIC] When touching a colleague to make a point or just to say hello, we recommend using the back of the hand, or the safe hands technique.
- Like this? - Exactly right.
The palm is too intimate.
And what is the company’s position on dating someone you work with? More specifically, working with someone you used to date.
It’s acceptable as long as the employees are of equal rank.
The issue becomes more complicated when a senior employee enters into an intimate relationship with someone of a lower rank.
That is completely unacceptable.
And they can’t get you on a prior, can they? Well, let’s throw that to our lawyer.
Thank you, Sheila.
Sorry I’m late, everyone.
What are you doing? That’s Caitlin’s roommate’s father.
Sexual misconduct can come in many forms.
We all know the obvious ones sexting, masturbating in front of a coworker.
Everyone knows that’s just wrong.
- I’ll handle this.
- But let’s talk about some of the less obvious offenses.
They come in many forms.
Liza? In here.
Were you triggered? No, I’m fine.
Go back to the meeting.
Thank you.
You know, back in the day, we didn’t call it sexual harassment.
We just called it business as usual.
The dirty innuendos, men always bragging about the size of their penises.
I would just give it right back to them, ask them to prove it.
Very few of them called my bluff.
Maybe six no, seven.
My point is, when I was younger, I was valued for my appearance, but over time, my experience surpassed my looks.
Rising skills, falling breasts.
Am I right? - Okay.
- [KNOCKING] Is everything okay? You know this generation.
I guess she needed a safe space.
Liza, Charles wants to know if you’re all right.
Is the seminar over? Is the lawyer gone? Yeah, he just left.
[TOILET FLUSHES] [WATER RUNNING] You all right? I Just very bad diarrhea.
Well, now you know how I feel.
Oh, come on, if you’re gonna have a drink with me, you gotta be nice.
No promises.
A tequila on the rocks.
Do they give awards for the best legs in publishing? Did you hear anything that lawyer had to say today? We’re not at work, all right? But we do need to figure out how we’re gonna work together.
Well, I think it’s best if we each stick to our side of the street.
I wonder if you understand just how much I’m bringing to Empirical.
- [SCOFFS] - Thanks to me, LL Moore is writing that new trilogy which will basically bail the company out of the foreseeable future.
Oh, so now I should be thanking you for returning LL Moore to the company? After poaching him and nearly costing me my job? "The Pam Pam Chronicles" was my idea.
Moore was blocked until I pitched it to him.
And now there’s gonna be new books, TV series, merchandising.
Wow, you are so desperate for my approval.
Oh, give it up, Peters.
This whole thing is quite the coup for all of us.
You know, sometimes I get a little tired hearing you talk about how great you are.
Well, I don’t have to tell you.
Let me show you something.
Come on.
- Where are we going? - You’ll see.
- [SIGHS] - Now, look up.
Now I’m impressed.
Yeah? All right.
Pretty proud moment.
It’s a three-month buy, and Charles loves it because he can see it from his office.
How about dinner to celebrate? Good night, Zane.
That skirt isn’t safe for work.
And I can see the outline of your wiener in those pants.
[LAUGHS] [MAIL ORDER BRIDES’ "BAD BAD BAD"] Ooh-ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Liza, God, everyone’s been looking for you.
Sorry, I was in the bathroom changing.
I didn’t exactly ride the subway looking like this.
Come on [LAUGHS] Once all of the princesses have gathered on stage, Charles will announce the new book, at which time you will be lowered dramatically from the heavens, through a sea of smoke and fire.
[LAUGHS] Fabulous.
So Wagnerian.
The fans will go wild.
As they should.
My princess, you are divine.
I certainly look forward to working on the new series.
And I look forward to your wise counsel.
Liza’s had a big promotion since you last saw her.
She’s still my assistant.
Liza, please gather all the Pam Pams.
Make sure they understand they need to be in a V formation when Edward descends.
Got it.
[CHAIR WHIRRING] Zbotinik slezza booshki.
I’m so sorry, I don’t speak Kronish.
Let me tell you a secret.
When I sit down to write every morning, I think about burying my face in your royal fur.
[CREEPY CHUCKLE] [COUGHS] [CONTINUES LAUGHING] [MELLOW MUSIC] Hi, I’m Liza Miller from Empirical Publishing.
Thank you all so much for being here.
- How are ya? - Hi.
Before we continue here, I, um, I just have to ask.
Has Edward ever made any inappropriate remarks or unwelcome advances that has made any of you feel uncomfortable? [TENSE MUSIC] Okay.
He told me my tits were big enough to nourish a tribe.
He said my vagina spoke to him in his dreams at night.
Why would he say that to me? I work at a bookstore.
[SIGHS] ALL: [CHANTING] We want Moore! [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING] And he told Nadine from Tallahassee that if she really wanted to stroke his ego, - she should just stroke his - Okay.
I’ve heard enough.
ALL: [CHANTING CONTINUES] We want Moore! I gotta get out there.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Good afternoon.
I’m Charles Brooks from Empirical Publishing.
[DIGNIFIED TRUMPET TUNE] [CHEERS AND WHISTLING] Thank you all for being here today.
[WHOOSHING] [LAUGHING] [DEVICE WHIRRING] What? [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Unfortunately, I must share some distressing news.
Due to recent disturbing allegations - against Edward LL Moore - [CROWD GASPS] We’re going to postpone the publication of "The Pam Pam Chronicles" until further notice.
What? [CROWD OBJECTING] [TENSE MUSIC] That’s absurd.
We have a contract.
How dare you! - [DEVICE WHIRRS] - Get me down! No, down, not up! That’s ridiculous.
Charles, bring me down! You’ll pay for this! [CROWD BOOING] Oh, God.
[MELLOW HIP-HOP MUSIC] With multiple allegations reported, a beloved author may be no more.
I understand.
I can’t blame them considering We have no comment at this time.
Netflix just cancelled the series.
Amazon just pulled his titles from their site.
So what are we gonna do? Push the publication date? I don’t see how we can publish him at all.
Rivington must’ve known about this when they let him come back to Empirical.
Well, let’s be honest.
We all knew.
We just didn’t wanna believe our golden goose was a horny toad.
So, what are we gonna do about that? It’s a three-month buy.
Dear God, she’ll be coming till Christmas.
We gotta get it down.
I have an idea.
Just give me some time.
[ELECTRONIC MUSIC] Liza, about what you said yesterday in my office I’m so sorry.
It was a misunderstanding.
I was ridiculously jet lagged.
I appreciated your candor.
Oh? I just saw the news.
I’m so sorry, Charles.
[SIGHS] I keep thinking about the Christmases he spent at our house like some perverted Santa.
There’s a lot to process right now.
So, what’s the big surprise? Oh, oops.
Look up.
[GASPS] Oh, my God.
- Yes! - Wow.
- Wow.
- I’m sorry about LL Moore, - but this is amazing.
- [LAUGHS] Thank you.
So, it’s a Millennial book now? Given the circumstances, we’re gonna have to pulp the first run and print again.
Excuse me.
- Yes? - Charles.
- [EXCITED CHATTER] - This is a witch hunt.
I’m being tried in the public square! Edward, I’m sorry.
We are all being held accountable here.
After all our years together, you at least owe me a meeting.
Of course.
Happy to meet with you anytime.
Your office tonight.
I think you’ll be very surprised by what I have to tell you.
This isn’t over, my friend, not by a long shot.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC] This accuser is a woman I met at a fantasy convention who’s been trying to shake me down for years.
This fan says I grabbed her ass during a photo, but my arm is actually around her lower waist.
And this one has absolutely zero credibility.
That’s Liza.
We did some investigation.
She represents herself as a young woman in her 20s.
The fact is, she’s a divorced 40-something housewife from New Jersey.
What the hell are you talking about? Oh, you didn’t know? Birth certificate.
Marriage license.
Bankruptcy report.
The woman is a con artist.
I would never have asked her to be Pam Pam if I’d known.
[SOMBER MUSIC] Take it in So what do you have to say about that, Charles? [DARK CHUCKLE] I’m on the edge of it all I feel it coming I feel it coming