Younger (2015) s05e02 Episode Script

A Titanic Problem

1 Girl, you need reading glasses.
- I’m fine.
- Nah.
You are trombone arming.
And on your right, you have the Nitehawk Cinema, modeled after the 1922 Commodore.
Not again.
Do these buses ever stop? It’s unbelievable.
I mean, when did Brooklyn become a tourist attraction? Right around when the orthodox temples turned into night clubs.
Good morning.
Nicole just asked me why Mommy and Daddy sleep in separate rooms.
Maybe you can walk him to school today and explain.
I would be happy to.
Look, they just want to know if we’re ever getting back together.
And, frankly, so do I.
I mean, my book launch party’s this week.
People are gonna ask, and I-I Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
- What? What? What? Oh, my God.
Look, look, look, look, look, look! "Exciting news, the next Reese Witherspoon book club pick is ’Marriage Vacation’"! - I know! - You guys, you guys, that is enormous.
All of Reese’s picks become best sellers.
What’s going on? Oh, my God.
Reese Witherspoon just picked our book - for her book club.
- Wow.
I didn’t know you were back from Ireland.
Yeah, I got in late last night.
Clare’s coming in a few days.
She had to get her dog a few shots before she could bring him over.
So you’re gonna be a doggy daddy? Yeah, I guess so.
I’m sorry I didn’t say good-bye after the wedding.
- Our flight was - It’s fine, it I DM’d you, though.
- You what? - Yeah, Josh is always sliding into those DMs.
Um Instagram has a direct message feature.
It’s kind of like a text message.
Oh, I didn’t know that.
How could you not know that? I read three novels a week.
That’s like a thousand Instagram stories.
Hi, Reese.
Millennial Print appreciates your support.
"Marriage Vacation" would make a great movie starring YOU.
Do you have a moment before the staff meeting? Of course.
I was wondering how you found Liza? Was it through a friend, an agency? Actually, I’m not sure.
Liza, Charles was asking, how did your resume land on my desk? Oh, I ambushed you at a New York women in publishing event.
- Was I being honored? - No, Jennifer Franklin was.
I was probably honored the year before.
Charles, are you looking for an assistant? Uh, no, not for me.
Asking for a friend.
Is the meeting in here? Conference room.
And I will see you there.
What’s the meeting about? I’m not sure but judging by his mood this morning can’t be good news.
Phones down for this, please.
And close the door.
I’ll be brief.
The LL Moore revelations and their aftermath have hit our finances hard.
It’s as bad as you’ve heard.
So we’re going to be a little bit late meeting payroll.
Please bear with me.
However, I want to make one thing clear.
This company will endure.
Empirical Publishing has survived depressions, printing strikes, Amazon, and we are not going down because one man couldn’t control his appetites.
The only question about our future is what great voice we will discover next.
Well, this morning, Reese Witherspoon picked "Marriage Vacation" for her book club, and presales have already spiked.
Just since two hours ago.
That is good news.
Make sure you mention it to the press at the launch party.
What else? Zane? I’m on the cusp of something I can’t say too much about, but it is a genre-busting concept that will reach across multiple platforms.
What genre-busting concept would that be? You’ll just have to wait and see, Peters.
Reese just slipped into my DMs.
- What? - Speak English.
- What does that mean? - It means Reese Witherspoon sent a private direct message to me.
- What’s the slipping part? - It’s slide.
You slide into someone’s DMs.
I meant slide.
All my friends say slide.
I would never slip into someone’s DMs.
Only slide.
I slide into Kelsey’s DMs all the time.
Maybe I should slide into Zane’s.
What did Reese say? She wants us to meet her people.
We’re gonna meet Reese’s people? I know! Well, on that piece of good news, we are adjourned.
Okay, but just so you know, sliding into DMs is kind of flirty.
What, so it’s wrong to say I slid into your DMs? No, it’s not wrong, wrong, but it’s also just not right.
- You know? - Would I maybe hit your DMs? - Okay, just stop.
- Okay.
How did I not see this? I was ready to break up my family for this woman.
She has been married.
She has a kid in college.
Part of me’s relieved that she’s not 27.
And then I think How, how can she lie like that? Is she some kind of opportunist? Or is she some kind of sociopath? It’s chilling.
And then I-I can’t stop thinking about her.
Well, you had strong feelings for her.
I was in love with her.
Which, in retrospect, seems absurd and certainly makes me question my judgment.
I honestly have no idea what to do.
At the very least, I have to fire her.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Let me stop you there.
As your friend, my heart’s breaking for you.
I get it, you want to do something, but as your lawyer, I am telling you you cannot fire her.
- What, why? - She’s doing her job, right? - Well yes.
- And you kissed her.
And now you want to fire her because she’s too old? Is this the first time you’re hearing it out loud? ’Cause it’s bad, Charles.
You cannot afford another scandal.
My best legal advice is to stay away from this woman.
I can’t avoid her completely.
She works for me.
Avoid her when you can.
And when you can’t, smile, and pretend she’s 27.
I am not good at pretending.
We love "Marriage Vacation.
" Oh, wow, thank you.
I mean, this is such a thrill for me.
Are you kidding? This is such a thrill for me.
I mean, your book is so smart.
I can’t tell you how many manuscripts I read, and just from the first paragraph, it stood out to us.
Thank you so much.
I’ll be frank.
"Marriage Vacation.
" It’s perfect for us.
Our company is focusing on strong female characters with unique points of view.
That’s why Reese picked her for the book club and also why we’re interested in optioning the film rights.
Oh, my God.
That’s so exciting.
- Amazing.
- Wait.
Reese Witherspoon is gonna play me? Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
We have tons of projects in development, but we are definitely interested.
- Reese Witherspoon! - Oh, my God.
That could not have gone any better.
- I’m buying lunch.
- Yeah, and I will drink it.
- Are you coming, Liza? - You know what? I’m gonna catch up with you guys in a few.
- Okay, coffee shop? - Yes.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I have an idea.
It’s, uh, it’s kind of a big idea, but you strike me as a person who embraces big ideas.
What do you got? "Millennial" is all about strong young voices, especially female voices, which means our brands overlap.
You should consider partnering up with us.
For exclusive access to all "Millennial" titles in the pipeline.
You mean like a "first look" deal? Like a content incubator.
We have so many great projects that I know your company would love.
We have a book about Ada Lovelace, the only daughter of Lord Byron, who also wrote the very first computer program back in the 1800s.
We have a teen courtship novel that takes place entirely in the comment section of one Instagram post.
And so many more that I would love to discuss.
Tell me more about this Ada Lovelace book.
Here’s the draft Charles.
Hey, I have some great news.
Uh, no, can you email me? I’m just on my way to a meeting.
Oh, it’ll just take a sec.
Kelsey and I, we just had our Reese Witherspoon meeting, and guess what? Reese’s people say that they anyway, the headline is - Hello? - Charles Brooks.
Hi, it’s Kiara Johnson from "Hello Sunshine.
" It’s them.
Reese Witherspoon’s company.
That’s what I was trying to tell you.
Bottom line, Reese is ready to make a sizable financial commitment.
Not only for access to "Millennial" content but also for the chance to collaborate with these two amazing young women who are shaping the voices of their generation.
I gotta hand it to Liza.
The incubator was her idea.
Millennials love to disrupt, right, Charles? - They certainly do.
- Okay.
So should we put our legal departments in touch? - I’ll have to think about it.
- Oh.
Well, I look forward to hearing from you.
Thank you.
What is there to think about? Uh, it’s an interesting proposition.
Reese is a powerhouse who wants to embrace the next generation of women.
That’s spectacular.
And I said I’d think about it.
I’m sure Charles has a very good reason for not taking this deal.
Yeah, I’ll tell you the reason.
It’s because "Millennial" might actually out-earn "Empirical," and that’s just a reality he can’t understand.
Maggie, Maggie, it’s up, it’s up, buffered.
- You guys ready? - Yes.
We’re not great.
We’re Heller Good.
All right, what do you guys think? - I like the cheetah.
- Yes.
Thank you.
Are you sure you want to say you’re not great? Yes.
I’m better than great, dude.
I’m "Heller Good.
" And that’s better? Really? Hundo P.
Come on.
As the founder, I need to project confidence, you know? Why are all people your age "founders"? I mean you haven’t even found your own apartment.
Okay, well, I did find sponsored vodka for Kelsey and Liza’s book party.
- You got us free booze? - Yes, I did.
- Ah, you’re the best! - No.
I’m Heller Good.
Still no.
I’m gonna hit the ladies’ room.
No, no, no, no, really, I wouldn’t.
It’s a crime scene in there.
Very dangerous.
- Yeah.
- Ew.
- Use ours.
- Oh, thanks.
Okay, can we talk about the cheetah? Hey, sorry, I just came up to use Are you okay? Clare just called.
She’s not coming.
She’s not coming tonight? Nope.
She’s not coming at all.
What? She just said that I mean, the truth is, we didn’t have the greatest time on our honeymoon.
Didn’t look that way on Instagram.
She was just posting for immigration.
When the reality is, she just she just couldn’t lie anymore.
I mean, we were never real.
What the hell is wrong with me? Nothing is wrong with you.
You went out on a limb to help somebody.
That is a beautiful, generous act on your part.
So stupid, I mean I just I just keep putting myself out there for people, and I just keep getting kicked in the face.
I It’s okay.
It’s okay.
Everything’s gonna be okay.
Ooh-hoo, great hat! I’ve got a cigar that would go perfect with that.
No, thanks.
I’m headed to the "Marriage Vacation" party.
I thought I was your marriage vacation.
And on your right, you have the Nitehawk Cinema, modeled after the 1922 Commodore Hey, Gavoon, five times a day, I gotta hear this? I got a permit! Yeah, well, I got a big bucket of piss.
You say patzah! Don’t mind the locals, guys.
Wait, you wouldn’t really pee in a bucket and throw it.
You do what you gotta do.
Nice job with this party, Liza.
The theme is very appropriate.
Well, the book is "Marriage Vacation.
" And if it’s not a gigantic best seller, we may all be taking a permanent vacation.
You have to try the signature cocktail.
Sticky sex on the beach.
- What makes it sticky? - Bubblegum vodka.
Trust me, two of these, and you’re wearing a grass skirt like a veil.
Oh, hello, Ms.
- Who is this person? - This is Lauren Heller.
A terrific young publicist who just hung out her own shingle.
Heller Good PR.
We’re not great.
We’re Heller Good.
B-T-dubs, love your work.
Love you.
Love this, love this, love that.
You know, if you ever need to outsource anything, I mean anything, text me, call me, at me, mean it.
Maybe I’ll slide into your DMs.
Oh, please do, diva.
Give me.
- Did I say that right? - Close enough.
Oh, my God.
This is incredible.
- Oh, Diana.
- Hi.
This is beyond.
You outdid yourself.
- Yeah, Diana.
It’s lovely.
- Thank you.
- Picture time, you guys.
- Oh, okay.
I hate posing for pictures, so.
I know you do, but just for tonight, can you pretend you don’t? Please? - All right, come on.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
- Congratulations, Peters.
Honestly, I don’t know how you do it.
No authors, and yet, you dress like a Prada model.
I’m sweating about work, believe me.
You don’t look it.
You look very cool and collected.
This room is full of influential people.
What am I supposed to do? Tell them I lost my only author? Course not.
I gotta be a duck.
Calm on the surface, but paddling like hell underneath.
At least you don’t have a corkscrew dick.
What? Have you never seen a duck dick? How do you know something like that? My favorite thing to do as a child was to hole up in my room with the animal encyclopedia.
- Parents fight a lot? - Something like that.
Worse comes to worst, I could always hire you freelance and you could do a "Millennial" book.
- I can’t work for you.
- And why is that? Because you’d get in trouble for dating me.
Get over yourself.
Great party.
Oh, my gosh, Kiara, thank you so much for coming.
Who was that hot guy you were talking to? Is he single? Yeah.
And gay.
Like, fully gay.
How you holding up? Are you enjoying the vacation theme? How are you? I really appreciate you hanging in there during these tough times.
I will go down with the ship if that’s what it takes.
Like the "Titanic.
" Yeah, they were on vacation too.
Uh, may I ask a favor? Uh, yeah, anything.
If the company is going under, could you give me some warning so I can put my apartment on the market? I wouldn’t want to have to sell under duress.
I just checked Zillow, and my Zestimate is high.
Actually I have some news.
I was just about to announce it.
Excuse me, everyone.
Thank you.
I have something I’d like to share.
Reese Witherspoon’s company was so impressed with "Millennial" that they have offered us an unprecedented incubator deal.
And we are very happy to accept.
So let’s give a big hand to Kelsey Peters and Liza Miller.
Wait, did you know he was gonna do that? Not a clue.
And then he said my prose was sinewy.
I mean, David Remnick thinks my prose is sinewy! This whole night has just Ah! Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined a night like this.
Thank you.
This isn’t working, Pauline.
I love you, but I am not in love with you.
And I can’t pretend.
I have to pretend so much in my life.
And I just can’t do it anymore.
And on your right, you have the Nitehawk Cinema, modeled after the 1922 Commodore.
- This again? - Hey, stronzo! Pipe down! Maggie, you don’t want to escalate this thing.
Relax, I know what I’m doing.
Idiota, keep on moving! Ladies and gentlemen, on the right, we have one of our colorful locals.
Her family immigrated from Italy in the 1920s.
Back then, Williamsburg had thousands of immigrant families.
You know what, you’re gentrifying my neighborhood.
Because of yous, my rent is going up! Now, get moving! I got a big bucket of piss here! I told you she was colorful.
"Heh, heh, heh," yourself.
So you’re a part of the tour now? 50 bucks a pop.
And on Friday, I get to throw apple juice at ’em.
- Hey.
- Good morning.
I-I didn’t get to talk to you after the party last night.
I’m so glad you signed off on the Reese deal.
What made you change your mind? In the end, I felt like I really didn’t have a choice.
I don’t understand.
This is a good thing.
Isn’t it? It’s helping the company? Right.
Well, congratulations, Liza.
You really pulled it off.