Younger (2015) s06e06 Episode Script

Merger, She Wrote

1 [UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Oh, God.
Tarps.
Are you, uh, are you having another one of your special parties? No, I am going to paint the ceiling like the Sistine Chapel.
Suspended.
Ooh, hot! Ugh, you know what? I'm not feeling so hot today.
I waited ten minutes last night to get a drink at Cubby Hole.
Well, that doesn't seem so bad.
Liza, the bartenders used to fight over who would serve me.
Not argue, fight.
I'm telling you, I'm losing my mojo.
Come on, I heard someone sneaking out - of your room last night.
- That was me - sneaking into the fridge.
- Oh.
Is Charles still here? Uh, no.
He's not here.
We are not in a good place.
It's the whole corporate competition thing.
Wait, that is still happening? Oh, my God.
It must be driving Kelsey insane.
[CHUCKLES.]
It is.
It's driving me insane.
But apparently for Charles, it's a win-win, 'cause he owns both companies.
Well, if he owns both companies, why not just merge them, right? I don't think Kelsey or Charles would go for that.
How would I convince either of them? Just say that you'll all be working together again.
Charles still gets all the profits.
[SNAPPING.]
Bing, bang, boom done.
Please give me your attention I got a message for you For you This is a new direction Just hear me out till I'm blue After the success of my intermittent fasting book, "Think Fast," I'm focused on a new biohack to achieve self-actualization.
Diana, what do you do when your phone stops working? Send Liza to the Genius Bar.
Okay.
So, Liza, what advice do they usually give you? Uh, turn it off and turn it back on.
Exactly.
Reset.
Which brings me to my new book: "Microdosing.
" And, uh, what is that? Microdosing is ingesting a small amount of a substance.
Yes, illicit.
It improves energy levels, creativity, a general sense of well-being.
How, uh, illicit are we talking? LSD, MDMA, Psilocybin, commonly known as Mushrooms.
Isn't promoting drug use a little dicey? I mean, from a legal standpoint? You have to think of these substances as medicine for your mind.
Microdosing can silence fears.
It can push aside ego.
It can expand our consciousness.
I'm hosting a medically-supervised retreat upstate this weekend.
You can come see for yourself.
- Me? - Whoever's gonna edit my book has to be invested.
They have to experience microdosing firsthand.
If you're not open to that No, I'm open.
I'm open.
I'm wide open.
Uh, I've done Molly.
Uh, and I'm not bragging.
I'm just saying that I would yeah, I will see you there.
That book's gonna make a lot of noise.
I'm really glad you're up for that retreat.
It's micro, right? Totally micro.
But you just have to promise me one thing.
Sure.
You're gonna bring me back samples.
Ladies, we have some voice auditions to attend for Bronwyn Madigan's Audible book.
Ooh, exciting! It's Boomer Erotica, Liza.
Hmm.
"Cathy slid into the bathtub.
"Noticing that Frank was as hard as the titanium "in his hip, she said, 'Rub-a-dub-dub, who's the big boy in this tub?'" "Rub-a-dub-dub, who is the big boy in this tub?" Rub-a-dub-dub, who's the big boy in this tub? Thank you for your time.
No one popped for me.
It's like they're not understanding Cathy.
I mean, what's not to get? "Kathy slid into the bathtub.
"Noticing that Frank was as hard as the titanium "in his hip, she said, 'Rub-a-dub-dub, who's the big boy in this tub?'" That I liked.
I mean, it's not hard.
What's the problem? The problem is you didn't audition.
Yeah, Diana, you should totally be reading this.
Well, I have to agree with my publisher.
Diana Trout, will you voice my book? I think we found our Seasoned Slut! - Stop.
- Sorry.
Hey, working late? [SIGHS.]
Always.
Well, do you need anything before I go? We've got drinks at 8:00.
Mmm, Charles.
He's not the enemy, Kelsey.
I just I hate competing against him.
Maybe there's a way we don't have to.
I got to go.
Feel I, should I let it go Should I let it go Bing, bang, boom.
Merger.
Millennial and Mercury are one company.
Your imprint stays the same, so does ours, we all just work under one roof and take away the competition.
You come out on top! It's a great idea.
In spirit.
Mercury has no cash flow yet.
Its valuation is purely speculative.
The board would never agree to a merger.
I just I wish there was a way that we could work together.
Come work at Mercury.
Ah, very funny.
I'm serious.
You are serious.
Yeah, why wouldn't I be? I can't just leave Kelsey.
We would have to find you a very, very competent editor to replace you at Millennial, but that's not impossible.
But we're friends.
We're very close friends.
- You know that.
- Yes, and if you are friends, then she will understand.
Not if I leave her for you.
I left my company to be with you.
How can there even be a choice? You're kind of making it a choice.
I'm trying to bring us all together.
Thank you.
Why don't we why don't we talk about this at home? I have to pack.
I'm going upstate tomorrow for the night.
- The microdosing retreat? - You're going to that? Yeah.
Why wouldn't I be? It's gonna be the hottest nonfiction book of the year.
- Millennial needs that book.
- So does Mercury.
[SCOFFS.]
Can I at least give you a ride home? Nope.
I'm good.
See you tomorrow.
[SMOOCH.]
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
We have you in room three, Ms.
Miller.
Let me just grab your keys, - and I'll show you to your room.
- Okay.
You beat me.
For once, huh? How was the train? Uh, I got the quiet car.
Can we please just call a truce? Maybe we can start by sharing a room? Are we still competing for this book? - Yes.
- Then no.
Checking in? Tomorrow we wake, meet in the great hall, and start the journey.
Oh! In order to prep your stomachs and psyches, here is an amuse-bouche.
Oh, wow.
[RATTLING.]
Uh, is this our dose? It's a nanodose.
It's very mild.
It's more to test out how your system will react to the microdose tomorrow.
Oh.
Uh, have you ever done drugs before? Uh, we were more of a drinking family.
Oh, alcohol is so bad for your system.
And LSD is healthy? Legally, we can't say it's LSD.
But it is LSD.
Legally, I can neither confirm nor deny.
So what do you call it? Not LSD.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh! Your rooms.
By the way, if you have any questions, just call me.
I'm literally a doctor.
Oh, uh, awesome.
Bye.
[WHISTLING.]
Josh? Oh, my God.
Hi! What are you doing here? I I've known Travis forever.
He, uh, he told me there's some venture capitalists here that he thinks I should meet.
Ab about what? He, uh, he thinks I should franchise Inkburg.
- Really? - Yeah.
I got a little girl and a littler bank account, so [BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Uh, but, I mean, the real question is what are you two doing at a psychedelics retreat? Uh, um, we're both trying to land Travis's book.
Separately.
Ah! Sounds complicated.
But fun? - Mm.
- Huh? Well, I'm, uh, going to get into whatever's in this can.
Definitely not LSD.
Definitely not.
Bye.
Um Well, this should be interesting.
Yeah.
Should we do this? [RATTLING.]
Cheers.
Cheers.
I'll take it slow, but I'll 'Cause we got time "My favorite Doors album was playing on the record player.
"As he unsnapped his bellbottoms, "and I dipped my breast into his mouth, "my wild soul was reawakened by his throbbing tongue on my nipple.
" Is that sexy? Oh.
Super sexy.
Yeah? Great.
Oh, hi.
Oh, hello, Zane.
Uh, we're not quite done here.
I think we're actually all out of time for today.
Yeah? I thought I could maybe hit nipple a little harder.
- Nah.
- Oh, okay.
Great.
Throbbing nipple.
Yeah.
You remember Audrey Colbert.
- Of course.
- How you doing? She's going to be voicing her memoir.
Oh, well, best of luck to you.
Don't you want to hear a little? Of the book you stole from me? - Outbid, not stole.
- Right, stealing's a crime.
You would never promote anything like that.
Okay.
[FLATLY.]
"It was unlike any night "I've spent in Manhattan.
I was dressed to the nines, staring at my reflection in the bathroom at the Four Seasons.
" - Uh, what do you think? - [SCOFFS.]
I mean, she's too matter-of-fact.
liked zoned out, callous.
- So, um, guilty.
- Yeah.
"I have no idea how it happened, but they were dead.
" Okay, that was great.
Good start.
Um, but let's try one more with a little bit more feeling.
Okay.
Let me try that.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[TEARFULLY.]
"I thought to myself, "am I really doing this? "Am I going to have a three-way "with a married couple? "I took a deep breath, opened the door, [SHRILLY.]
then I saw it!" [SOBS.]
"There was blood everywhere! I have no idea how it happened, but they were dead!" [SOBS.]
That's how I did it for the jury.
Was that better? That's great.
She's terrifying.
She's totally guilty.
My God, she's a psychopath.
You know, I gotta admit, I'm a little scared of her.
She's hot but scary.
Your mic is open.
But great to know how you really feel.
W [LAUGHS.]
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER.]
[LAUGHING.]
Okay now, that was some crazy shit back there.
I really enjoyed teaming up with you again.
We should do it long-term.
If a spot at Millennial opens up.
If you're trying to tell me that Charles offered Liza at job at Mercury I know.
She told me.
And she's staying where she is.
Yeah, but for how long? Face it, Peters, Liza and Charles won't stay apart.
They're gonna work together.
It's inevitable.
- And where does that leave us? - I don't know.
But you and me we're a mess.
Hey, you're way more of a mess than me.
Oh, um I'm not the one with stains on my tie.
- Boop! - [LAUGHS.]
Can't believe I fell for that.
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
This thing that's keeping us apart is killing me.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
We shouldn't be doing this.
Why not? I came to apologize.
Uh, yes, you did, and I let you in, and I accept your apology.
I didn't take my dose.
Did you? Ah.
That explains it.
You were kind of a different person there.
Yeah.
You were kind of a different person too.
Welcome to my retreat, away from the ordinary.
We wanna open your minds.
It's one thing to read about microdosing.
It's another to experience it.
And although your doses have been carefully calibrated, everyone metabolizes the chemicals differently, so if you have any reaction, please, go see one of the doctors who welcomed you, or see the nurse Maureen in the lobby.
[POP MUSIC.]
6 a.
m.
in Sydney by the bridge That's when I sit and think about shit Can't we just admit that we got problems? [WHISPERS.]
Oh, shit.
Oh! Help! Ha-help! Oh, whoa! [GASPS.]
Help? [CHARLES' VOICE.]
Hey, guys.
You havin' fun yet? [JOSH'S VOICE.]
Uh learning a lot, for sure.
That's a neat trick.
[JOSH'S VOICE.]
What trick? [CHARLES' VOICE.]
Are you seeing tricky things, Liza? Nev never mind me.
[LAUGHS.]
I'm just I'm just feeling a little funny.
[CHARLES' VOICE.]
Oh, that's right.
You're a drug super-taster.
I am? Yeah! Remember the lollipot in Jersey? [ZANE'S VOICE.]
What's a lollipot? [CHARLES' VOICE.]
It's a weird story from the past.
You know, I'm gonna I'm gonna go see the nurse.
[JOSH'S VOICE.]
I'll go with you.
[CHARLES' VOICE.]
I'll go with you.
We'll go with you.
No.
No.
Don't just stay.
Just you stay.
[CHARLES' VOICE.]
[LAUGHING.]
Okay [LAUGHING.]
[LIGHT MUSIC.]
Oh.
Okay.
[PANTING.]
- Hi.
- Hi.
I'm feeling a little weird.
Are you Nurse Maureen? Travis Jason said to come find you if I was having any issues, and I am definitely having some issues.
This is a safe space.
Help! Oh! Wait.
Wait [BREATHING HARD.]
Hey! You! Hey, you! Help! [WHISTLES.]
Oh! Hi! Call 911! [PANTING.]
[ZIPPER SOUND.]
Really? Oh, God! Help! [CLICK.]
Okay.
Aah! Oh.
Whew.
I'm done.
Are you? [WHISPERS.]
Oh, God.
Is the universe trying to tell me something by putting Josh here just when Charles and I are having this roadblock? I imagined Josh in my room last night.
I mean, it wasn't even real, but I feel guilty - for my own thoughts.
- Been there.
Oh, Josh is so beautiful.
Every time I look at him, I have flashes of our sex.
Oh, Maureen [WHISPERS.]
our sex! Well! How is it with Charles? Oh, don't get me wrong.
It is really hot with Charles too.
They bring out different things in you.
- Why not just have both? - Oh! but it doesn't work that way, Nurse Maureen.
[WHINING.]
I can't do that! But can you do this? [BRIGHT MUSIC.]
- Yeah! - Wow! I can't do that.
I bet you can! [MAUREEN GRUNTING BREATHLESSLY.]
[SOFTLY.]
Whoa I'm amazing! Ohh ohh! - Look at you go! - Oh! [BIG BAND MUSIC.]
[BIG BAND MUSIC CONTINUES.]
[UPBEAT PERCUSSIVE NOTES.]
Hey Hey Hey [MUSIC CONTINUES.]
[END CHORDS.]
[TAP DANCING SOUNDS.]
[CAMERA LENS CLICKING.]
Yep.
[THUD.]
Super-taster.
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
You sure you're okay? [LAUGHS.]
I burn bright, but I fade faster.
You know, I had a really, uh, interesting conversation with Josh.
- Oh, really? - Yeah, it's, uh, it's nice to see him start a family.
Makes me think about how important family is to me.
For both of us.
You know, I think this weekend really did expand my mind [LIGHT LAUGH.]
In ways I wasn't expecting.
You sure you're okay to drive? Yeah.
Come on.
[MELLOW MUSIC.]
Hey.
How was your weekend? Well, I got hog-tied in my painting harness.
- Wh - And the guy that lives across the street watched me while he jerked off to it.
Oh, my God! That is awful.
- Are you okay? - Am I okay? I'm great.
I got my mojo back.
[ROCK/POP MUSIC.]
[HUSKILY.]
And how was your drug escapade? Oh, do you have a cold? - I have a lozenge in my purse.
- No, I'm Don't you find it sexy? A lot of people find it sexy.
Oh! Yes.
Never mind.
Just where's my plant? - What? - You kept sending me photos of a plant I just assumed it was a gift for me.
Maureen.
Hey, did you get the book? We don't know, but we got something even better.
What? Charles wants to tell you himself.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
Mercury's success has started to hurt my family, which is all of you.
And it is time to let that go.
You're closing up Mercury.
I want you to buy it.
We'd love to, Charles, but we can't afford it.
Here's how much I want.
[LAUGHS.]
Million dollars.
We don't have a million dollars.
I don't see any zeros.
$1.
My grandfather mortgaged everything to start this place.
He was doing something to keep his family together, and I am tired of fighting with mine.
I want to come home.
As publisher.
If I come back, it would be as an editor.
An editor whose relationship with a fellow editor is nobody's business.
You would be publisher, Kelsey.
I would be working for you.
Next to Liza.
[LAUGHS.]
On those terms, uh, I say yes.
- Ladies? - I say yes.
Oh, I absolutely say yes.
I'll give you a fiver.
You can keep the change.
[CHUCKLES.]
Thank you.
I think we'll be stronger together.
Welcome home, Charles.
[DYNAMIC MUSIC.]
Because I'm stronger, stronger Oh oh oh oh