Zac and Mia (2017) s01e02 Episode Script

Friend Quest; Make-Over and Out

[keys clacking] I'm obsessed with facts.
Others tend to avoid 'em.
In my 50-plus days of isolation, I've had nothing but time for falling down countless Internet wormholes, learning statistics and facts about everything from human lying habits to all things cancer.
Who would have guessed it would all lead me here? Do you notice anything off on her page? Besides you creeping all over it? Come on, I'm gonna be late.
No, there's no mention of cancer anywhere.
Just because cancer infects your body doesn't mean it has to infect your social media presence.
She has created a fake alibi.
She has people, you know, telling her, "Good luck in New York with your modeling.
" - I don't I don't get it.
[scoffs] - Whoa, guys, check this out.
"This dope hotel in SoHo has me feeling all" who the hell is Gigi Hadid? - She seems pathological.
- She's hot.
[knocking on door] - Do you think she heard us? - Yes.
- Okay.
- Oh, my God.
Oh, what up, my clan? Dude, Cam, what's up? Permission to enter the bald eagle's nest.
Access granted, my friend.
- Good to see you.
- Good to see you too.
Don't forget to wash up there, Mr.
Man Bun.
That's right, safety first.
Bec, I'm gonna grab the car.
- Okay.
- No worries here.
Never been sick a day in my whole life.
Yeah, except the old, uh, terminal cancer thing.
Other than that, you're good.
I mean, if you want to get technical.
- How's my Helga doing? - Helga? Who's Helga? Some weird character he's made up in his mind about my anonymous German bone marrow donor.
Helga, she's a jolly busty fraulein with beer steins and lederhosen.
[laughs] You're so hilarious.
Don't you have to be somewhere? - What? - You're late? Yeah.
Oh, my God, yeah.
Hasta la vista.
Hasta la vista, Cam.
[exhales] [laughs] Okay, what what brings you by? So get this.
There's this place in Costa Rica called Playa Grande.
It means "big player.
" Except it doesn't, because "playa" means beach.
No, no, no, Google it, man.
I'll show you.
Dude, who's the jailbait? That's, uh that's a girl named Mia.
She moved in over there, so - Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
Just moved in next door? You said it was Playa Grande? Yeah, it means hmm, big beach.
Weird, huh? That's disappointing, honestly.
- Yeah.
- Big player sounds better.
- It does.
- It really does, doesn't it? - It really does.
- Yeah.
[vomiting] It's okay.
[breathing shakily] The ice chips, I'm telling you.
I'm fine.
Come on, let's lay down.
Come on.
[soft music] What's up with the guy next door? [chuckles] After he calmed you down last night, I'm calling him the Mia whisperer.
[laughs] His name is Zac.
He's stuck in that room? Poor guy will have been isolated for [scoffs] 100 days by the time it's over.
100 days? I would kill myself.
What does he do to keep from losing his mind? He learns things.
Guy knows more about cancer and medicine than most nurses.
Hell, probably more than most doctors.
And he gets visitors? Family and approved visitors only.
You know, if you want me to call your mom It won't be a problem.
I already feel like I'm dying, and you're making it worse, so can you please just leave? [door closes] [sighs] [gasping] [vomiting] [groans] A guy like me dreams about waves like these my whole life.
Yeah.
Man, what's going on? Did you find something new with you or what? [chuckles] Busted.
UmI relapsed.
What? Yeah, I got a monster brain tumor.
I'm thinking about calling him Randy.
You know, you're cancer free for two years, and then all of a sudden in walks Randy, you know? Anyway, Dr.
Liddell told me that he has some nano thing that he can try on me.
Well, that's that's good news, man.
That's really good news.
Yeah, but it's a, um it's a high-risk operation, so if we're gonna do it, then we got to do it now.
And if you do the surgery now, you're gonna miss your Costa Rica trip.
Bingo.
So why me, man? Like, why'd you come to ask me? [exhales] You're the straightest shooter I know.
With all your facts, numbers, and figures, nobody knows as much as you do.
Well, not exactly.
Uh, yeah, working in a reasonable margin of error, kind of exactly.
I've memorized the numbers for pretty much every cancer at every stage, and where people lie, numbers don't.
If you're a woman over 50 with neuroendocrine colon cancer stage three, your chance of survival is about 42%, which means that you've likely got about a year left.
If you're a male over the age of 70 with stage 1A pancreatic cancer, there's a 14% chance that you're not toast.
If you're a young woman with stage 1A osteosarcoma of the leg, you've basically won the cancer lottery.
[people cheering] Congratulations.
And if you're me, a young guy with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma stage 4B, not so lucky.
I'm looking at basically even odds.
The numbers aren't your friends, which is why when someone says I need you to level with me.
It's a lot harder than it sounds.
So the surgery, it's they want to extract the tumor? Yeah.
I guess it's, um it's hard to reach, and not that they're gonna say it in these words, but, uh, they're worried it's just gonna come back again.
Yeah.
[sniffles] So that's the dilemma.
[chuckles] Heavy, I know, but, um I got to know what you think.
What I think is, you should spend your final months off the coast of Costa Rica with your best friends.
I think you should surf the most epic waves like a man with nothing to lose and ride that open sea into the summer that never ends.
I think Zac? I think you should have the surgery.
So you think I got a shot? Absolutely, the the numbers don't lie.
Yes! [smooches] That's what I'm talking about! Dude, when I get all Frankensteined and put back together, I'm taking you out on the board, all right? It's just gonna be me, you, a thousand waves, and a dozen cervezas, and of course, a couple pretty girls, right? 'Cause that's how we roll.
Sounds good.
I got to go tell Lidell, but Thank you, Helga.
Now I understand why people lie, why they say what makes them more comfortable.
Because it gives you hope, and hope looks good on you.
[computer chimes] She knows my name.
Of course she knows my name.
She added me on Facebook.
Um Yeah.
[gentle knocking on wall] [chuckles] [laughs] [inhales, exhales deeply] What, dude? Delivery for Miss Phillips.
I'm going to kill Evan.
Um [keys clacking] What? [exhales deeply] [straining] - What's wrong - With me? [crashing, Mia grunts in pain] [crying] Shit.
[crying] Shit, Mia.
Jesus.
Jesus, come here, come here, come here, come here.
Look at me.
Look at me.
Look at me.
I can't even put on makeup.
My hands are, like, defective.
Honey, you just had chemo, okay? Che-mo.
These are the effects of the pre-drugs.
They'll pass in a few hours.
I don't have a few hours! He's here right now.
Who? What the Legend-Teigen love child? I need to get ready, I need to put on my makeup No, no, no, no, no no, no, no, no, no, no, no I need to get dressed! - You need to chill.
- [crying] He's here for you, not your mascara.
The people who really love you will be by your side whether you're healthy or sick or better or worse and all the crap in between.
Mia, and sometimes it takes getting stuck in here for people to realize how loved they truly are.
[sniffles] [sighs] I don't want to see him.
Okay.
[exhales] - Wish me luck.
- Good luck.
[sighs] [exhales deeply] Uh, hi, I'm I'm here to see Mia Phillips.
Rhys McCann? Take a seat.
It'll be a minute.
Okay.
On second thought, first impressions are everything.
[chuckles] [soft pop music] Miss Phillips will see you now.
Oh, okay.
[laughing] It's about time you showed up.
What's up, babe? [clears throat] Hmm, who dressed you? Oh, I actually ran into Chloe at the mall.
- Hmm.
- She picked it out with me.
You like it? - I hate it.
- Okay.
But I missed you, so you get a free pass.
[muffled] God, I love your hair.
[faint voices from other room] Rhys, stop.
[giggling] Okay, babe one of the reasons I came is, I kind of think we should talk.
Talking is overrated.
So homegirl has a visitor, the douchebag boyfriend, and I what the hell are you doing, perv? I'm trying to listen.
You have a better idea? Um, no.
Here, step aside, stalker.
Um, we can't really do this in a hospital.
Why? Do you see any hidden cameras? [moans] - I just - What? I feel like I'm being watched or something.
Do you understand what they're saying? All I hear is, like, Charlie Brown's parents.
- Come on, just - Just ki Just give it a second, okay? I, uh [exhales sharply] Okay, so what did you want to talk about? You know, you just don't really seem sick at all.
Yeah, I'm, like, totally not.
It's barely even cancer.
You should see some of the people in here.
Um, that guy next door? He he looks like Humpty Dumpty, so That's Zac.
Are you guys friends or something? No, ew, are you kidding? Gross.
- I heard you won your game.
- Yeah.
But Chloe told me, so there's a 50/50 chance that you actually lost.
What do you mean? Look, I love the girl to death, but if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, - you'd get change, right? - Mia, stop.
- Come on.
- What? Wh what? Are you seriously getting mad? No, it's it's just, she's your friend, and and anyways, we did win.
Well, you haven't said how I look.
Hmm? You you really do look amazing.
Well, then kiss me.
Oh, oh, um, yeah, this probably wasn't your best idea.
[bed whirring] My mom, she's she's been a demon about curfew lately, and, um What? But you just Yeah, I know, and, um, I'll come visit again soon, okay? - Rhys? - Yeah? I love you.
Uh, me me too.
[door closes] [sighs] [soft music] [sighs] [phone ringing] [upbeat music] [laughs] [laughing] [phone chiming] [sighs] [phone chiming] Helga, that was the lamest joke ever.
It's Zac, and I'm sorry to disappoint.
So was that your boyfriend or That was a piece of shit.
I think he's dating Chloe.
Who's Chloe? Another piece of shit.
Sounds like you really know your shit.
[laughs] Why didn't you pick up the first time? I don't know.
Look at you.
Look at me.
What? Bald is totally on trend.
Ask anyone.
[chuckles] Well, thanks for cheering me up, Helga.
Dream about me.
Like I could dream about anything else.