Only Murders in the Building (2021) s01e02 Episode Script

1 Don't all true crime podcasters wish they were on the case from the start? - Found someone dead.
- What? - They offed themselves.
- It's that guy from the elevator! Tim Kono.
With a K.
What kinda guy kills himself an hour after being desperate to get his hands on this? Now, the only thing that matters is that there's a killer on the loose, and he could be living in our building.
My father was a Charles.
I'm a junior.
- Are you? - I'm Brazzos.
Me and my Hardy Boys, we would get into solving mysteries - around the complex.
- And your Hardy Boys, where are they now? Looks like you arrested the wrong guy, Detective.
Spare me the innocent act, Zeus.
I got you dead-to-rights.
And I got 20 eyewitnesses who say I was at my niece's baptism last night.
It was a beautiful service.
Only wish my mother was alive to see it.
Your lies might fool some people, Zeus, but not me.
I'm not some dumb cop you see on TV.
I'm not Kojak.
I'm not Tubbs.
I'm Brazzos.
This sends the investigation into a whole new direction.
By the way, I'm not calling you Zeus anymore.
That's your street name.
I don't call anyone by their street name.
I call you by your real name Mario Furstenberg.
Oh, you think you're so special because you had a rough dad.
Let me tell you a little bit about my dad.
It was the most constant refrain of my childhood.
How much I was like him.
"You're the spitting image of your father.
" And I was.
We were both right-handed, but we used scissors with our left hand.
We could both pick up any instrument, just play it by ear.
But ask us to do basic algebra? Forget about it.
But you know, people meant it as a compliment when they said I was like my father.
But he was awful to my mother.
- He liked to make her feel small.
- The fuck? Make her feel silly.
Make her unsu Every person is a mystery, but to care about a murder mystery, you need to care about the person who was murdered.
Who is Tim Kono? We know he lived on the ninth floor of the Arconia in New York City.
We know he had a mailbox.
We know he got manicures, or perhaps he just had naturally pleasing nail beds.
- This is terrible.
- Oh, I know.
I literally feel myself aging when I listen to you.
It's your writing! I mean, you don't know anything about the guy, so you're just saying the obvious.
It's so hot in here.
"He was some sort of mixed Asian, Japanese, Korean, or Chinese, - maybe Indonesian?" - Look, I am trying to target an entire continent here.
That's four billion potential listeners.
- Ah, you're welcome.
- So hot in here.
Do we have to do this in a closet? Well, now you sound like Patti LuPone.
No, no.
The acoustics are better.
And trust me, you need acoustics.
Give me one more read.
Come on.
And have lots of fun with it.
I'm about to pass out! Oh! How did you get here? - It was open.
- I don't lock my door.
- Never have.
- That's insane.
- Neighborly.
- I mean, a murderer probably lives in the building, but I guess old white guys are only afraid of colon cancer and societal change.
Sad.
A murderer doesn't probably live in the building.
A murderer definitely lives in the building! Lester checked all the security footage, and no one unknown to him came in or out during the hours around Tim's murder.
- Isn't that great? For the podcast? - So, Mabel, tell us.
Did you learn anything from the online world of Tim Kono? He didn't post much in his online world.
He seems to have had a really sad, quiet life.
You checked all the websites? Yep.
All the websites.
Well, we've exhausted the internet.
Oh! Before I forget, we should keep all our evidence in one place, so I should probably hang onto that engagement ring.
Why do you get to hang onto it? Don't you trust me, Brazzos? It's our biggest clue.
We lose that, we've got nothing.
- It's at my apartment.
I'll give it to you later.
Okay, guys, I-I need you two to hear me.
Our podcast is never going to pop until we know who is Tim Kono.
Who was Tim Kono.
Yeah, well, I've already named the episode Who Is Tim Kono, - so it's - Wait a minute! - When did we finish episode one? - Dude, it's called a work in progress! Look, every great episode two always makes you care deeply for the victim.
Ah, that's true.
I've fallen in love - with so many dead people.
- You either make them sympathetic or sexy or interesting, none of which - I feel for Tim Kono, so.
- Look, someone in this building had to have known him.
We find that one person, - and all this cracks open.
- Mm-hmm.
Back off, Mabel.
You can't disappear for 10 years, and then show up and start dragging up a bunch of shit from when we were kids.
Oscar's getting out, Tim.
You can make things right.
You know what happened that night.
You didn't even say anything.
Look, if this is all you came back for I don't want to think about back then.
I'm a different person now.
Jesus.
We are different.
And I don't need people like you in my life.
Fine.
Good.
So if you see me 'round the building, act like you don't know me - because you don't.
- Happily.
Fuck you.
What if Tim was a dick? Hm.
That's a definite angle.
I mean, I wouldn't want him to be dickier than Steve Carell in The Office.
I-I'd still care if Steve Carell in The Office got murdered.
Or would I? Thinking, thinking, visualizing.
- This is tough.
- We need to find someone who knew him.
Here's an idea.
It's a long shot, but they're holding a memorial for Tim Kono in the lobby in 10 minutes.
Maybe we learn something there.
God, she's good.
Wow.
Good turnout.
I don't know any of these people.
Oh my God, there's food! Fantastic! No sneeze guard, no thank you.
Might as well lick the fingers of every person in the building.
Teddy Dimas lives on six.
Owns Dimas' Delis.
Great guy, great dips.
Deaf son.
Mm! Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Mm! You know, this is all I eat.
Dips for dinner.
I bet I have not had a regular entrée for years.
Granted, I've lost 14 pounds and a significant amount of hair, but it's totally worth it.
I'm gonna go sit down.
Why the fuck is everyone standing? You see these chairs? What do you think they might be for? Come on! Come on! This won't take long unless you make it take long! - Now - Uh, Bunny, if I may.
Oh Jesus.
I'm Dr.
Grover Stanley, and I'm sure we're all grieving the loss of Tim Kono.
If-if you need to talk privately about Tim or whatever, I live on six, and I take Venmo.
Ooh.
A therapist is always a fun suspect.
Plus, he's desperate.
Always good.
Due to the shocking nature of this incident, I'm told we need to do this for some bullshit insurance purposes.
The family's in Japan, where the body is already being flown, so um, does anybody have anything they would like to share about Tim Kono? Here we go.
Time for the killer to make himself known.
That was from my show.
A lovely memory? A kindness? Anyone? - Yes.
- Does this mean we get to use our fireplaces again? Yeah, he was the guy with bad asthma, right? Since he's dead, we should be able to use them now.
We can talk fireplaces at our next board meeting.
Wait, Tim was the reason we couldn't use our fireplaces? - I hated that guy.
- He ruined Christmas! He once yelled at me.
He once yelled at me - for smoking outside! - Look, nobody liked him, but can we all just be grateful he's gone? Say something nice and move on! Shit.
Uh, excuse me.
That apartment is mine, hm? I lived next to that miserable man for eight years, and I need those extra rooms.
Well, yes, Ms.
Idoko.
We have you down on the waiting list Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! There is no waiting list.
The apartment is mine.
Wouldn't be the first New Yorker to kill for good real estate.
Excuse me? Were you close with Tim? And do you consent to being recorded? Just say anything to agree.
- No, please.
- Thanks, perfect.
Last night Sorry.
Last night my cat, Evelyn, died.
I'm sorry, I can't I don't like doing this.
Time, please.
Thank you.
We're gonna cut.
Um, I like the emotion.
Keep that, but I kinda need you to enunciate better.
- Do you have anything? - The crying is covering the dialogue.
Oh, that's a good that's a good note.
Okay.
So, try it again, and it's kind of, in a weird way, an upbeat story.
So just, when you're ready, and action.
My cat, my beautiful Evelyn she died last night.
- Your cat? - Mm-hmm.
Howard? Did you say Evelyn died? Yes.
Last night.
Oh What's wrong, Howard? Evelyn died.
The sweet blond tabby who used to come visiting through all the window boxes.
Evelyn? Oh no! She died? Yes! Evelyn is dead! Yeah, I'm sure we're all grieving the death of our dear Evelyn, and just a quick reminder.
I live on six and Venmo.
Maybe we should make a podcast about Evelyn.
Dips for dinner.
Dips for dinner, I'm a nut for dips So, our victim is less likable than a dead cat.
Hey, you know what? I think we should talk to Ursula.
- The sea witch? - No, no, no.
The building manager.
If anyone has information on Tim, she does.
Oliver? - Can I speak with you? - Of course, Bun Bun.
First of all, let me say, you look fantastic.
You gotta give me the name of your guy.
You look like a damn kid.
Mm.
Your building fees are eight months past due.
This is your final notice before the board will be forced - to take drastic actions.
- I B Bunny, w we're friends, - and - That's why I'm using a friendly tone.
Don't fuck with me, Oliver.
Mm, I can't think of anything less pleasant.
That makes two of us.
I didn't cry that much when my mother died.
Is that true, or are you lying? Why would I lie about something like that? I don't know what I'm supposed to do right now I'm totally migraining.
You guys meet the sea witch without me.
- What did you say to her? - Just making conversation.
Mm.
Not your thing.
Grab those, won't you? And that tray, too.
Hi.
I'm not sure why I'm doing this.
Maybe it's because nobody gave a shit about Tim, and I want something on record in case Who is Tim Kono? Who was? I met him here, at the Arconia, when we were 10.
I interrupted a game he had to play every day.
I don't know you.
I know everyone who lives in this building.
I don't live in this building.
My aunt does.
Salma Ramirez.
12A.
I like her.
She gives out whole candy bars on Halloween.
I live on Long Island where they give out loose cigarettes and lighters.
Yeah.
You look pretty poor.
It's true Tim didn't get along with a lot of people.
- What are you drawing? - The beach near my house.
He was direct, but he never lied.
It's not very good.
Maybe that's why I liked him.
You reading that? No.
I'm too poor to read.
It's about two brothers who solve crimes in Bayport, where I live.
It's a whole series.
They're cool, even though they're old.
We'd spend a few weeks together every summer and winter break when my aunt would let me stay with her, and I could pretend I lived in the Arconia.
And we could be the Hardy Boys solving mysteries we'd make up around Tim's apartment.
For years, it was just me and Tim.
Until we met Oscar and Zoe.
Oscar was the super's kid.
Zoe got Oscar to copy his dad's keys so we could "Hardy Boy" in any apartment we wanted when the owners were out of town.
Zoe's family had the whole 11th floor, - but that wasn't enough for her.
- Yes! Full meds cabinet.
We are camping here tonight, kids! - Zoe was the life of the party.
- Jackpot! - Here, take this, baby.
- But sometimes, she took things too far.
It was fun, mostly.
Until the end.
Okay, remember.
Ursula always had a side hustle she's working, so try not to sign up for any kind of subscription box, timeshare, or complimentary mammogram.
They're incredibly difficult to cancel.
I thought her name was Aurora.
How do you not know anyone? So-so-so you put "Aurora" on her envelope when you tip at Christmas? - I don't tip.
- What? I think it's elitist.
I send out autographed photos instead.
Mm.
Okay.
You know what? I think you should stay upstairs.
- Why? - Because I'm starting to think that people like you less than Tim Kono.
Ursula! My beloved.
Even from here, you smell like a field of lavender and French fries.
My two favorite things.
What brings your skinny ass down here? Well, I just, you know, I didn't see you at the memorial for Tim Kono, and I just thought I'd check in.
- It was such a tragedy.
- Is it? Really? Dude didn't wanna be at the party anymore, so he left.
Do you know how many complaints I got about him? Gee, I'd I'd love to take a peek at those.
Ursula! It's me, Charles-Haden Savage from 14.
- Is he with you? - No.
No, no.
I am.
I see you have my pho - Oh - Yeah, it's a real favorite.
Can't you tell? Look, the reason I don't tip is out of respect for you.
Please, don't respect me so much, okay? Ursula, please, I-I would love to look at those complaints about Tim Kono.
Can't we work something out here? Well, if you really want them Gut Milk? It's a beverage and a business.
First case is 250.
Buy two, and I'll throw in the file.
Buy three, and I'll fill you in on the stuff that was too juicy to write down.
That seems steep.
Up to you.
But after tomorrow, this and everything else about that guy, goes away forever.
- Why is that? - What's tomorrow? They're cleaning out Tim Kono's apartment tomorrow, so we're gonna go down there and look around for clues before everything's gone.
You wanna come? Do I wanna break into a dead guy's apartment and go through all his shit? Sounds like an afternoon.
Oh! Do you have that engagement ring? Yeah.
It's in my apartment.
- Do you appeal to anybody? - Not for years.
This is it.
Our one chance to get to know Tim Kono.
Oh! That's a nice high drama line.
- Okay, give me another.
- Why? What was the matter with that one? Nothing, it was perfect.
It was just reeking of your years on CBS.
I brought Luminol and a blacklight in case we find Oh, blood! There's blood! Shh! Don't yell blood! Is it his blood? Is it my blood? Are my feet bleeding through my shoes? That's just your brain leaking out through your foot.
Here.
Put on these booties.
It'll keep you from slipping.
And remember, keep your eyes peeled.
Anything can be a clue.
- Whoa.
- What? Uh, nothing.
It's just strange to be in here.
Oh, oh, keep your eyes out for a laptop or a cell phone.
The cops probably took those.
Look at all these past due bills.
Didn't the cop say that Tim was having money problems? Past due rent.
Utilities.
He's even behind in his building fees, poor guy.
People who don't pay their building fees are the worst.
It makes the rest of ours go up.
Now, I really don't like this guy.
I don't think it's a sin to be slow to write a check.
I'm gonna check in here.
Okay, well, no pictures of any girlfriend.
No? That seems strange.
Sex toys! We got sex toys, people! Okay.
Remember not to judge.
Nothing Nothing shameful about deviant sexual pursuits.
Ooh! Ah Ew.
Looks like Mr.
Vanilla took a turn down Rocky Road, if you know what I mean.
I don't think you know what you mean.
Goodbye snoozing, hello cruising.
You know, we could get DNA evidence off these.
I just say bag 'em up and maybe take a Z-Pak.
Hey, lady! You look hot.
I hate New Year's Eve.
It means that winter break's over.
Yeah, and you gotta back to shitty Long Island to get finger-fucked by your cousins.
- You're so gross.
- Oh, you know you love me.
Hey, where'd you get that? - Found it.
- Hey, guys, how we, uh, feeling about this tie? I Damn, girl.
What? I-I already told you.
You you look good, too, babe.
Don't even.
Hey, guys, if it's dark on the roof, nobody's gonna see how good we look.
Hm, nice slick hair, Tim.
- Kono.
Get a picture.
- Yes! This one's mine.
- Hurry! - Come on.
Here we go.
- Goddammit! You're a goddamn asshole! - What the hell are you doing? What the fuck was that!? No, that's, like, textbook cheating! What the fuck! I saw someone fighting with her.
- You saw Oscar? - No.
Someone else.
- Bingo! - Paw prints! Check this out! Bloody cat prints.
Th-that dead cat.
W-what was her name? Ethel? - Evelyn.
- This - This doesn't make sense.
- Oh no, no, no.
A lot of people name their pets human names.
I had a parakeet named Bruce.
It was a female, but she had a very masculine energy.
No.
The cat was here after Tim died.
And the cat died that night, too.
Howard.
Was that Evelyn's owner's name? Right.
I think our list of suspects just got a little longer.
That was from my show! - Okay - What's that? It's a beverage and a business.
All in all, not such a bad day.
And we got a list of potential suspects in the folder that the basement photo lady gave us.
- Ursula! - Ursula.
Yeah.
You know, I think we have enough to paint a pretty clear picture of Tim Kono.
Yeah, sure.
He was broke.
- He liked dangerous sex.
- Asthmatic.
No one liked him Can we not? I don't think being unlikable means he deserved to die.
Well, no, no.
I think w-w-what Charles is saying is, for the podcast, we're still looking for a way to care.
He was alone.
Isn't that enough to make us care? You of all people should know how fucking sad that is.
Look, I didn't mean to His blood is still on your shoes.
You're right.
We should be more respectful.
Tim Kono was a person.
He was a neighbor.
Maybe a man in love.
- It's easy to lose sight - What episode is this from? Can I just stream it later and spare myself? That speech you gave me about your dad? I saw that bullshit on YouTube this morning.
Whoa W-w-wait I am so lost here.
Can someone please fill me in? Unless it's boring, and then don't.
I wrote that speech.
It was the one thing they let me write - for the show, and every word is true.
- You just - said it verbatim? - Maybe.
- Is that weird? - Hm I can't tell if you're acting or not.
Oh! Believe me, when he's acting, you can tell.
But you know what, chums? Whenever I direct a new show, the hardest part is getting the actors to trust each other.
And you know what? That's what we're doing here.
We're starting a new show.
We should promise not to lie and just trust each other.
- I can do that.
- Me, too.
- Yeah, okay.
- Fabulous.
Now, you know what? How about we all try a new trust exercise? - No.
- No fucking way.
Bye.
I'll see you tomorrow! Uh, so I don't trust her at all.
She's shifty.
Tim, they're sending away Oscar! You said you saw someone with Zoe! You have to tell them! - I don't know what you're talking about.
- Tim! Aren't you a little old to still be playing Hardy Boys? Why did this happen to you? Why are you hanging out with a couple of old weirdos? They're trying to help me find someone who cared about you.
Good luck with that.
Tim Who was the ring for? You wondering if I ever found someone to love me? I'm just trying to figure out who you were.
If you were a good guy or not.
Should I even be sad that you're dead? Ouch.
That hurts.
Almost as bad as this.
Why didn't you tell the cops what you saw that night? And does this have anything to do with what happened back then? I always enjoyed watching you figure things out.
What the fuck? Tim was the kind of guy that always made the sensible choice.
That's why none of this makes sense.
Which brings us right back to where we started.
Who is Tim Kono? He liked running around the courtyard fountain.
He was observant and robotic, but also kind if you looked at him the right way.
He never lied.
Except once.
Who was Tim Kono? I'm gonna fucking find out.