Lilyhammer (2011) s02e04 Episode Script

Ok! What do we do with the rest of this shit? Forty seconds left! Take it all! Ehhhhtozebec and pfs Now let's welcome the main man Johnny Henriksen! Hey, you're looking ok.
Thankyou my friend What a crazy ride it's been Jonny! I bid thanks To all who voted for me You're very wise And er My eternal gratitude for the one Norwegian That made all of this possible Johan Halcross It was him who in 1994 who er introduced this place to me Lillehammer Thankyou Gaute Ormaysen, will you play a song for us? Very nice boss Ya, congrats Anything wrong? No, no, no, No problem -Alright Shut up, guys.
Listen to the music! Congratulations! Congratulations - Thankyou thankyou You know who's back here My guy Hi! Lars.
Lars Olafsen, Chairman of the Board for the Flame award.
Ah! Welcome to my humble establishment Congratulations Johan winning like a dark horse, that was beautiful He's a great guy You two tight? he came with me to climb shuwoomba What you people in the west call Everest Nice to know somebody who knows what he's like me and some other guys who have had a little bit of success are having this Lutefisk In a few days Why don't you join us eh? We'll think about it Not many business decisions are made in this town without him.
You think he could be a real door opener huh? Here's the malt look at this What's the matter with you you fucking monk I got Lars Olafsen over here I want you to be my Managing Director Lars Olafsen here? The Entrepreneur? Mama Mia! How do I look? Do I look ok? You're beautiful! Lars, I want to introduce you to my managing Director Torgeir Lien.
Such an honour sir.
You know I am Norwegian? -Yes.
I know Sorry.
I've seen you before.
You climb down at the Center? No, I climb your course.
The Grandergreiene.
Now me and the boys were talking about er that fish party you invited us to? Yes.
"Lutefisk".
- that's the one Why don't you have it right here? Here? What do you say, Alf? Would you like to try something new? You've got everything, Yes? -Yes.
Change is nice.
We're talking about having lutefisken here this year.
Here? But what about the Fjellstuggu? -We're at your restaurant every year.
-But it is tradition.
-Traditions are good.
It sure wasn't traditions that brought the olympics to this town It was innovation.
So? It's settled then Cheers! -Cheers! My friends need a refill Bollinger's alright Whoa, slow down buddy! If you take away my dinner, maybe I will have to talk to someone.
I'm experienced enough to understand that the merchandise your selling here isn't exactly from the liquor store.
I don't understand You will Ah, somebody help the poor guy up I must inform the Integration Department.
This is not very good.
Integrate this! Oh! Jesus! I said the balls, the balls I was aiming for the balls alright boys say he had too much wine What do we think of Johnny Henriksen? -An important contributor to the community.
And the Flamingo? they serve the best dry cod in the whole of southern Norway! Look there, Yes! It was not that hard, you know! Here we see the graphic images from yesterday's robbery, where four men dressed as Justin Bieber Who robs a bank dressed up like a teen idol? now you're falsely ridiculing young Justin.
His last record has a lot of catchy hits.
-You have been a ' belieber '? after he began to work with Usher, he evolved.
So er how did it go with Gordon Ramsey? Well, he pooed in his pants so I think he knows silence is golden.
What the fuck is this? Are we a bunch of soriety girls? Bring out the real booze This is all the liquor we have.
-Roy couldn't make it yesterday.
It is true.
He called and said he was sick.
So you were going to inform me of this exactly when? not that I'm a health nut, But the doctor advised me to exercise my back There is something that can help: zumba.
-It is a bit like that capoeira-like? You can get a free trial hour if you want to.
-For free? Let's talk.
Hi, everyone! My name is Arthur, and together we're going to dance and work out zumba! So we roll with your hips, you guys! I think I'm wrong, I'm looking for the zumba.
-You are at the zumba now.
Got the impression that it was martial arts.
-Huh? Come on! Join in! You guys have a good time.
Good! Hi! What's your name? -Roy.
-welcome Roy Quick learner! Hips, ass, hips, ass Like that, Yes! Nice! And so with the arms.
Look at Roy! Way to go! You're good.
-It's all the riding on the bike.
I used to lie down in the turns.
It is like oil for the hips.
Wow! You're here? -Talked to the guys down at the tattoo parlour.
They said that you came to pump a little iron.
-Yes, that's part of the rehab.
I've been so stressed lately.
I've been feeling stressful myself lately something to do with last my booze shipment Because it never showed up I've had an accident, I'm waiting on disability.
Are you losing your fucking mind? There's no Obama care for bootleggers you deliver or you don't Ok, I can see you're right -Ok.
Ok, I'm going to deliver.
But if my back goes out, you get to pay the physiotherapist! You got a deal In fact we all want a happy ending huh? Let me put a smile on that - yeah, yeah, yeah I'm a hundred meters from the top, and I take off my boot and sock.
I look down at my toe.
It is black as night.
There is gangrene.
I take off the top of my toe and put it behind a rock at 8740 altitude.
then I started up.
It was dark out, but I did not give up at 39,240.
never give up! Question? -Yes.
I was just wondering about the entrepreneur fund, at Innovation Norway.
How much can you apply for? To the point! I like that.
It's a lot of money.
Good lecture.
-Well, thank you very much.
seems exciting, this.
-Yes.
Why haven't you applied for money? Flamingo, you're the perfect case.
I am going to email some info to your boss.
-Yes.
Fine.
Care to go for a beer? Could talk a little more about business, since we are entrepreneurs, both of us.
I'm not really the type for beer.
-Me neither.
See you at the lutefisk dinner.
-Yes, you will.
I'm looking forward to it.
You know what? Me too.
Sure I can't buy you a beer? You've learned something today.
-Never give up! Go out in the world! Go get them! -I will.
Can I get a beer? Do you have snuff for me too? -I just have like that loose snuff.
And haven't you eaten chocolate with the paper on? make sure you don't swallow it, because then you may be a little ill.
Get a lot of ladies talking about the small things do you? Thanks for that! I was sort of leary to get up on the horse again.
Did you just call me a horse? -No, it was just like a metaphor I know a few people that have had mental blocks on getting women and stuff like that.
Wow! Did you rob a bank, or what? -Won at poker.
I am good at reading people.
But that you may have noticed? Where is the game going on? -Down at the Club I run.
The Flamingo.
Would like to invite you, but you know It's a guy thing.
Well, good night.
-Good night, then.
Do you like the spoon? -No.
Today I dressed like the most beautiful thing that exists in nature, a sperm.
this is because sperm is still taboo in many cultures.
We must take away the taboos.
Just push them away.
We have a big problem here in the community, -and that is that we have far too few sperm donors with non-Western backgrounds it was Ali from NRK, Norway who made me aware of the problem.
Yes.
My wife and I have been trying to have children for many years without success.
so we went here to the fertility clinic.
To get a specimen for artificial insemination.
but there was not any specimen, Ali.
Was that it? they didn't have biological material of my type.
What's he talking about? His sperm can't swim good Hush, hush, hush! Hush, hush, hush! I know that this is unfamiliar to many of you.
but now we're in Norway, and in Norway the ones that have a lot, share with those who have little.
Sperm too.
Now say hi the beautiful girl.
Hi, Susan! -Hi! Not everybody has the Norwegian mindset that you have.
Yo, Jan? When am I getting my room? -Room? Yes.
It said that the winner will be given a single room.
I have maxed out my credit card so.
Can we talk about it later? Yes.
' Chairman of the Board.
The Flamingo group is nominated for the Flame award.
' Do you have to split the cost? You must keep in mind that you are here as a private person, Ali, not a reporter.
Where's your brother? Should've been at the Tacorama last night, but he never showed up.
I had to eat everything all by myself.
Hello boys Look who finally showed up Where were you last night? I had a hard time, you might say.
I know that smile.
Was there any meat on the hook last night? A gentleman never tells are you going to deal? Congratulations, Torgeir! What's the guy's name? She was fucking hot, I'm telling you.
had me a little snuff, and then there was a few bubbles in the tub.
Made a hickey on her and -Hickey? Are you in the sixth grade? Enough, let's play cards What have you got you sneaky fuck? The internet guys are coming in the morning.
That's good Let me know if you need help.
-No, it's fine.
Been to the Center and pumped a little iron.
We've seen what you been pumping down there Saw you through the window.
-Yes, Yes, Yes.
I'm in Just forget it! Does this look like a guy that needs Obama care! What the fuck is that? Armed Police! Illegal gaming, I see! Stay calm! Let me see your hands now.
Come on Officer, this is some friends playing some atai Money.
Don't take it! It is my private money! Anybody else want to get in our way? No? A Good Thing! Then there will be fines to all! Cut it out! Au! I have a prolapse! -The idiot here, take him to the station! You know I preferred the old Chief of Police She's a very complicated woman this one What, you know her? No You can't keep me here just for the sake of some card games.
Got any pain killers.
My back is totally fucked up.
It is a birth control pill.
Holy shit! Tell me about your relationship with the Flamingo.
There is no relationship.
I'm just a happy customer.
Oh? Is that a hickey you have there? You sniff, too, Yes? Here, it's me that asks the questions.
Do you understand? What? That's ridiculous Yes, but we are not especially fond of the noise in the media.
You got it? Don't worry about a thing, I'll take care of it All you got to worry about is what to wear to your big dinner Alright? Borda cannot be left like that.
Olafsen likes feng shui, so they have to harmonize.
that's the wisdom of Chinese furniture.
-When do we move the borda, then.
How's it going boys? Good, good A little while ago some guy called me He mentioned something about a reporter saying the Flame award was rigged Know anything about that? Well, you know you talked about how important the prize was to you so we took treats to some guys and got them to vote our way.
No fuck I'm the Lance Armstrong of business awards The reporter's name's Ali from NRK Anybody know him? Ya, ya, ya, I know him.
So what kind of guy is he, you got the dirt on him or what? Biggest influence in the whole of southern Norway.
Got a be a way of getting to him You know Everybody needs something well there's only one thing I can think of like that on the spur of the moment.
It took its time.
-Shut up, buddy! -Hi.
-Thank you.
You guys need to get some magazines with younger ladies.
Now there will be a new method of family reunification cases.
You are a bad man.
Thank you so much.
-Nature needs a hand once in a while.
Howdy! Are you out again? -Yes.
And Yes, I see.
Had to have backup in case you were sitting in a while.
It is strange that the police chick could know about the poker game.
Yes, it is.
It's crazy, ass.
-Yes.
You know what I think? That someone has slept with her.
An idiot that didn't get it for a while.
And so, he's become so fucked up that he has started to rant about things he shouldn't.
I had no idea that the woman was a cop.
Unlock the door! Open the door! Don't try to leave! -You can thank yourself, asshole! Get in now boss What the fuck is his problem I don't know He was probably pissed off because we shopped without him.
That pain medication must be really screwing up his head huh? Lourdes, I love you Well, that's our thing You know Combine the American and Norwegian culture That's what it's all about Cheers It's a joke yeah? What? This is not lutefisk It's a joke! It looks more like salted fish, Yes.
What the fuck is going on here? Torgier told me to make that smelly Norwegian fish And and that's what I did I meant the other one He's from Africa you huckleberry How's he going to know you got more than one kind of smelly fish? I'm sorry What kind of excuse Oh my friend I'm so sorry This is obviously a major fuck up Well, Dinner's on me.
You Know what? What we do now, is that we turn this around, and so we say: welcome to salted fish, team! Yeah, why not! You are an important person All the people like you Ya! You can do it! Johnny, we have received your application for support from Gasellefondet.
might be fun to hear a little bit about the operation.
-I'm glad you asked about just that.
PowerPoint! -Check the Gordon Gekko briefcase .
.
What's wrong? I've forgotten the combination Here, use this But it'll just use it! Why is the Flamingo a business Gasellefondet should support? Five words: we are innovative! we are innovative! We e.
.
.
we are into Innovative, I have told you, but have to turn Yes, you guys are at least fucking innovative.
Well, I guess we don't know a shit about powerpoint but we sure as hell know how to party Girls! Bring on the booze Jonny, Hey, boys Can we talk a little bit? And Olaf has some good news to tell you The Fund would like to put a few million in your club.
We want to invest Wow! Dare I ask How you came to that conclusion after today's events? There is one reason: you! -You heard of Kurt Nilsen? - No Norwegian who won the ' World Idol '.
He's a bit like you.
He is a plumber, does not look particularly good Not sure I like where this is going The point is that he's against the odds, but he has the magic.
Just like you.
Let's drink to plumbers with the magic touch huh? Good only one small thing Your manager Very loyal -I understand that you like him.
I liked my toe as well.
He is your black toe.
Have a seat I don't know what the hell happened I took care of the power point presentation I really done my homework, you know We got the grant That's a relief But it means we got to make some changes around here Definately Like what? We're getting a new C.
E.
O.
We're going to work together with me right? Not exactly Are you firing me? Of course not You're essential to this place We just need to find a new position that's more suited to your talents Yeah That's the way it's got to be I understand that Goodbye, girls! -Goodnight! we're going to the top here, you know, right? Chomo Lungma, you know.
No hassle for you to get you to the top.
You have the people who bear the load.
For those of us like myself, then it is not so easy.
Welcome to the Flamingo kickoff employee celebration.
The idea is that Martin takes over as General Manager.
Martin, the Helm is yours! Flamingo.
It's a cool Club in Lillehammer, Norway? -It's a cool Club in Lillehammer.
-You got that right.
But my job, it is to improve.
If it ain't broke, fix it anyway -Look at the logo.
Pink.
-Flamingos are pink.
Yes.
But what do we want to convey? Very un-Norsk, no local Foundation.
-We would get a huge boost by changing the name.
-I think Johnny is happy with the name.
-Fine.
But now it's test phase, right? -Yes.
This is my vision.
An Owl? Is it the new logo? That's the stupidest thing I've ever seen.
-It is a draft, Yes.
-Ugly, I think we are saying.
It is a bird of prey that hunts on mice, and knows how to get what it wants.
-We threw some ideas up here.
-They didn't land so good.
Good luck to you! It's free time for the Nordic countries.
Do you understand? Here like that Away with all of it here.
It is absolutely amazing Harry.
Here we put the catwalk, right? I figured the beginning of our partnership could have gone better.
I guess sometimes it's a challange for a new guy to find their place huh We're going jogging in the morning.
Would you like to join us Blow off some steam? Jogging? I only run when people are chasing me with guns You're a funny guy.
What, who's funny? I'm funny? Yeah I'm, funny guy Funny how? Well, I'm new here I was thinking more What? I'm just fucking with you like er Tommy Devito the short funny guy No, no ,no Tommy Devito Joe Pesci's character in Goodfellas Then is that a musical? Now you're fucking with me! That's good You're not? Martin Scorsese one of the greatest movies ever made Oh Yes.
I don't see many films.
I'm more like a tv-type.
Two and a Half Men, have you seen it? It's a must see.
You'll love it.
Lars around? Yeah, yeah, he's in our office Don't you mean he's in my office? Johnny, we have great plans here! What's this? well boys this deal ain't working out so here's our divorce papers Divorce papers? No, no Jonny I love this deal I see no reason at all to sign this paper You know that mountain climbers story you told us about your favourite toe Yeah Well odd job has nine good reasons for you to sign that fucking piece of paper Your brother let me in Oh yeah Look you know, that wise guy, he was a fake They turned the grant down Really fucked us up -What about the new manager? That's why I'm here, I want you back Ah, I don't know I got Italian blood Sometimes I get a little over enthusiastic We started that club together and we're going to keep it that way Do I have to beg? No To tell you the truth I really want the job back It's the best job I've ever had in my life That's right What other jobs have you had? I'm fucking with you! welcome back -thankyou You nearly got me! What are we watching? Goodfellas Oh yeah? What was the name of Joe Pesci's character again? Tommy Devito Best role in his life That's my part There is one thing I should have told you.
You know the lady I er banged It was the sheriff Look, I didn't know I had known she was a cop I would never have had anything to do with her I I just thought she wanted to play cards Do me a favour Stop talking Yeah You're making me regret taking you back already I'll stop talking right away Sorry pal we're closed Good.
Then can we talk Ho oh I smell a cop Tell me I'm wrong P.
T.
actually Norwegian homeland security I heard things out there were crazy lately But I didn't think we were a national security threat This isn't about your club Can we talk in private? was robbed in Oslo The press is calling it the Beiber Bank Heist I tell you what your guys start pulling heists with Tony Bennett masks you come and see me You're not a suspect the fact is one of the bank boxes that were robbed contained some er sensitive information and I need your help to get it back I'm sorry pal but unless you need catering there's nothing I can do for you some of the information that was lost was er was about you Mr.
Tagliano Come again? You heard me Frank Tagliano Alright You have my complete attention