Clarence US (2014) s01e12 Episode Script
Rise and Shine
1 I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! Good morning! Doo da-da da-da unh-da-doo da-dun-da-da da-da-da-da da-da-da-da-da-da-doo boop-boop-dee-dee-boop boop boop boop The lat-a-tat-tat attack will blast your lats, shred your delts, and bomb your quads! - My muscles are on fire.
- Do you love what you see? Then order it now, you puppies! It's only $2.
99! But I don't have any money.
My cat steals it every day.
Savings is better than a hot body.
Nice and steamy heh.
Heh.
Heh.
Ready, set, go.
Perfect.
Hmm.
Your move, bad guys.
See you tomorrow, troopers.
Stand back, fish.
Goodbye, modern world.
See you soon, dinosaurs.
5 4 3 2 Whoa! Abort, abort, abort, abort, abort! I'll go tomorrow.
That one's good.
That one's good, too.
That one's good, too.
That one's really good.
Yeah, definitely.
Whoa! I'm gonna have a great day.
- A great day - I'm not gonna worry about Sandy, even if she asks me for another discount haircut.
Sandy haircut.
And I'm gonna make egg salad for my handsome son, Clarence.
Egg salad.
- I'm the best Chad ever.
- I'm the best Chad ever.
I'm gonna get Clarence a new puppy.
I'm gonna get Clar Wh-What?! What's going on, bud? Ahh.
Breakfast is served.
Compliments of chef Clarence.
Ahh.
Someday, we're gonna be best friends, raccoons someday.
Hi, Lucine! Has it been a week already? - How's your eye doing? - It's fine.
Kid, stand back.
This vehicle is extremely dangerous.
Gary, show the kid your hand! Oh, cool! He's got cartoon hands.
No, he was maimed in the line of duty garbage duty.
One time my mom put me on garbage duty, too.
I opened all the garbage bags and invited all the homeless cats, and then they came back every night, but then my mom took garbage duty away.
So, did you find any good garbage today? If it was good, it wouldn't be garbage.
Yeah? Well, what about this? Looks just as good as yesterday.
Yeah, it's good.
Just don't follow us, okay? Hit it, Gary! Bye, Lucine! Bye, Gary! I'll miss you! Hey, that's my friend Randy! Hi, Randy.
Delivering the papers again? Yes.
You don't have to ask the same question every day.
Oh, did I? Sorry.
But nice throw.
Uh-huh.
Ohh.
Thanks.
- Got any candy? - Sure do.
- Got a little candy for Randy.
- Ugh! - Uh-uh-uh only if you smile.
- Okay.
There it is - that adorable Randy smile.
- Thanks.
Uhh.
What is this? I switched it to a granola bar this time.
My mom says they're really good for you.
So, can I help deliver the papers today? Can I, can I, can I, please? - Maybe if you give me a real candy bar.
- Deal! You can't just do that! Oh, who cares? Nobody reads the papers.
I'm going back to bed.
Manhunt! Manhunt, manhunt, manhunt! I can't believe it.
- It's a manhunt, isn't it? - Son, I don't know why you're up this early every day, but you need to go home right now.
Is it a cat burglar or a dog burglar or a kissing bandit? - It's a mountain lion.
- Really?! This isn't a pink mountain lion lisping about stage left.
This is a wild, vicious animal.
A few years ago, a mountain lion wandered into a neighborhood just like this.
Let's just say it wasn't pretty.
What wasn't pretty the mountain lion? Uh are you crying? Home now! All right.
Who wants second breakfast? Oh, no! A bear! Oh, no! A bear! Don't worry, raccoon friends! I'll help you! Sorry, big guy.
Too loud? I'll keep it down.
He-e-e-e-e-e-lp! - Was that the mountain lion? - No.
It's too weird.
Raccoons! Treed! Rawr! Scary! - Come on! - Uh Don't follow us, Lucine! Stay here! Randy, Randy, it's too dangerous! - Don't help us! - What? After I hit the mountain lion with the tranquilizer dart, move in with the net.
But why don't we just talk to the mountain lion instead? You can't talk to a wild animal.
I'm sorry, Clarence.
It's the only way.
Oh, okay.
Well, I'm sorry, too, 'cause Hey, mountain lion! Run! Aw, snap.
Got to get them down before they touch those power lines! Wait! Don't shoot! I know what to do! Hello, mountain lion.
It's you, myself, the mountain lion.
I am the mountain-lioniest mountain lion, the best there ever was or will be.
My mom was a mountain, and my dad was a lion, and that pretty much gives me superpowers.
- Wh-What? - But most importantly, I don't want to hurt any nice raccoons.
I just want to go home.
I'm your lion heart, you're my mountaintop and together Well, that didn't work.
- Dang! - All clear! - Hut.
Hut.
- Hah! You did it! I'm sorry, raccoon friends, but you're safe now, and maybe when you wake up, you can forgive me and we can be best friends.
Uh, look, kid, I found you something.
Wow! Old, wet comics? - Lucine, you shouldn't have! - Well, you've always been very supportive of the bureau of sanitation.
Thanks, Lucine, but I'm still worried about my little guys.
Hey, don't touch those raccoons! They might have rabies! Rabies hands! Rabies hands! Randy, Randy, get it off! Get it off! - Are they gonna be okay? - Not if they have rabies.
Rise and shine, lazybones! Ah, five more minutes.
Okay, but I'm making egg salad.
Egg salad?!
- Do you love what you see? Then order it now, you puppies! It's only $2.
99! But I don't have any money.
My cat steals it every day.
Savings is better than a hot body.
Nice and steamy heh.
Heh.
Heh.
Ready, set, go.
Perfect.
Hmm.
Your move, bad guys.
See you tomorrow, troopers.
Stand back, fish.
Goodbye, modern world.
See you soon, dinosaurs.
5 4 3 2 Whoa! Abort, abort, abort, abort, abort! I'll go tomorrow.
That one's good.
That one's good, too.
That one's good, too.
That one's really good.
Yeah, definitely.
Whoa! I'm gonna have a great day.
- A great day - I'm not gonna worry about Sandy, even if she asks me for another discount haircut.
Sandy haircut.
And I'm gonna make egg salad for my handsome son, Clarence.
Egg salad.
- I'm the best Chad ever.
- I'm the best Chad ever.
I'm gonna get Clarence a new puppy.
I'm gonna get Clar Wh-What?! What's going on, bud? Ahh.
Breakfast is served.
Compliments of chef Clarence.
Ahh.
Someday, we're gonna be best friends, raccoons someday.
Hi, Lucine! Has it been a week already? - How's your eye doing? - It's fine.
Kid, stand back.
This vehicle is extremely dangerous.
Gary, show the kid your hand! Oh, cool! He's got cartoon hands.
No, he was maimed in the line of duty garbage duty.
One time my mom put me on garbage duty, too.
I opened all the garbage bags and invited all the homeless cats, and then they came back every night, but then my mom took garbage duty away.
So, did you find any good garbage today? If it was good, it wouldn't be garbage.
Yeah? Well, what about this? Looks just as good as yesterday.
Yeah, it's good.
Just don't follow us, okay? Hit it, Gary! Bye, Lucine! Bye, Gary! I'll miss you! Hey, that's my friend Randy! Hi, Randy.
Delivering the papers again? Yes.
You don't have to ask the same question every day.
Oh, did I? Sorry.
But nice throw.
Uh-huh.
Ohh.
Thanks.
- Got any candy? - Sure do.
- Got a little candy for Randy.
- Ugh! - Uh-uh-uh only if you smile.
- Okay.
There it is - that adorable Randy smile.
- Thanks.
Uhh.
What is this? I switched it to a granola bar this time.
My mom says they're really good for you.
So, can I help deliver the papers today? Can I, can I, can I, please? - Maybe if you give me a real candy bar.
- Deal! You can't just do that! Oh, who cares? Nobody reads the papers.
I'm going back to bed.
Manhunt! Manhunt, manhunt, manhunt! I can't believe it.
- It's a manhunt, isn't it? - Son, I don't know why you're up this early every day, but you need to go home right now.
Is it a cat burglar or a dog burglar or a kissing bandit? - It's a mountain lion.
- Really?! This isn't a pink mountain lion lisping about stage left.
This is a wild, vicious animal.
A few years ago, a mountain lion wandered into a neighborhood just like this.
Let's just say it wasn't pretty.
What wasn't pretty the mountain lion? Uh are you crying? Home now! All right.
Who wants second breakfast? Oh, no! A bear! Oh, no! A bear! Don't worry, raccoon friends! I'll help you! Sorry, big guy.
Too loud? I'll keep it down.
He-e-e-e-e-e-lp! - Was that the mountain lion? - No.
It's too weird.
Raccoons! Treed! Rawr! Scary! - Come on! - Uh Don't follow us, Lucine! Stay here! Randy, Randy, it's too dangerous! - Don't help us! - What? After I hit the mountain lion with the tranquilizer dart, move in with the net.
But why don't we just talk to the mountain lion instead? You can't talk to a wild animal.
I'm sorry, Clarence.
It's the only way.
Oh, okay.
Well, I'm sorry, too, 'cause Hey, mountain lion! Run! Aw, snap.
Got to get them down before they touch those power lines! Wait! Don't shoot! I know what to do! Hello, mountain lion.
It's you, myself, the mountain lion.
I am the mountain-lioniest mountain lion, the best there ever was or will be.
My mom was a mountain, and my dad was a lion, and that pretty much gives me superpowers.
- Wh-What? - But most importantly, I don't want to hurt any nice raccoons.
I just want to go home.
I'm your lion heart, you're my mountaintop and together Well, that didn't work.
- Dang! - All clear! - Hut.
Hut.
- Hah! You did it! I'm sorry, raccoon friends, but you're safe now, and maybe when you wake up, you can forgive me and we can be best friends.
Uh, look, kid, I found you something.
Wow! Old, wet comics? - Lucine, you shouldn't have! - Well, you've always been very supportive of the bureau of sanitation.
Thanks, Lucine, but I'm still worried about my little guys.
Hey, don't touch those raccoons! They might have rabies! Rabies hands! Rabies hands! Randy, Randy, get it off! Get it off! - Are they gonna be okay? - Not if they have rabies.
Rise and shine, lazybones! Ah, five more minutes.
Okay, but I'm making egg salad.
Egg salad?!