Robot Chicken s04e08 Episode Script
Two Weeks Without Food
[ thunder crashing .]
[ drilling, sawing .]
[ electricity crackling .]
lt's alive! My son Perseus, you have the advantage of a strong body and a pleasing face, but you will need the help of Zeus! Here is an impenetrable shield and a sword that will penetrate any armor.
Try not to get it too close to the shield.
Not sure which one beats the other.
[ sighs .]
Bo-ring! What about this little baby? Yeah, git-r-done! Over land and shallow stream comes a clashing titan four-wheel dream machine Perseus Monster Truck! [ swords clanging .]
[ all scream .]
With the monster truck custom chrome grill guard You can smash through anything that's hard Perseus Monster Truck! ow! Calibos is in the swamp that's where his monster truck will stomp Perseus Monster Truck! turbo charged and diesel mean a clashing titan four-wheel dream machine Aw fuck! lf you touch your sister one more time, l am driving this car into a lake! [ tires screech .]
l'm lron Man! lgnite rocket boots! Whoosh! Vr-r-r-oom! Zho-zho! Repulser rays, go! Choo-choo-choo! [ laughs .]
l'm lron Man! Holy crap! lt's lron Man for real! Hey, lron Man! lron Man! lron Man, look at me! l'm lron Man, too! What the -- whoa! Hey, Hulk, l'm lron Man! Works for Hulk.
[ grunts .]
Whoa! Unh! Unh! Ow! Mommy? [ splat! .]
Unh! l'mlron Man.
Well, works for Giant-Man.
Aaaaaaaaah! [ weakly .]
l'm lron Man.
Yay, lron Man! Nice job, Avengers.
Hey, what happened to that little kid? Kid? [ thunk! .]
Look on the bright side.
Now he's a real lron Man.
[ clank! clank! .]
[ chuckles .]
Get it? lron Man.
- He's made of iron.
- [ grunts .]
What? What? Too soon, Tony.
Too soon.
[ singing in ltalian .]
[ singing in ltalian .]
[ singing in ltalian .]
[ all singing in ltalian .]
Khan Khan Kha-a-a-a-n [ singing in ltalian .]
[ singing in ltalian .]
[ singing in ltalian .]
Ladies and gentlemen, NASCAR's newest driver, Speed Racer.
[ techno music plays .]
lt is my goal to drive my car the fastest, using all the RPMs at my disposal and cross the finish line before the other cars, which will result in me winning many races, mm? Hey, Mr.
Racer, have you lined up any corporate sponsorships? As a matter of fact, l've lined up Japan's most popular animé series to sponsor my car.
[ all gasp .]
The English translation of the series is ''Many-Tentacled Rapists from Hell Conquer the lnnocence of Schoolgirls,'' and, as you can see, the production values are extremely high.
Ho-ho-ho.
[ sproing! .]
Oh, no! Speed, come quick! [ gasps .]
l thought southern intolerance was a thing of the past.
Folks, hey, this isn't a hate cross.
lt's a welcome cross.
Wow, this particular gift basket contains a wide selection of Omaha Steaks, plus a $50 gift certificate to Best Buy.
Ahhh.
Hey, l never got a welcome cross.
And the Mach 5 makes an early push using a debatably legal tactic.
Speed, those must be the jewel thieves that stole the Daytona 500 diamond.
[ laughs evilly .]
This calls for a little creative driving.
[ engine revving, crowd shouting .]
Oh, my! Gonna have to check the rule book on that maneuver, race fans.
Don't worry, Speed.
Help is on the way -- from a mysterious ally.
Hey, everybody, give Speed Racer's secret brother some room.
Go help your secret brother, Racer X.
Boy, l wish l had a secret brother like Racer X.
Those drivers are persistent, but they are certainly no match for the Mach 5.
[ laughs .]
Whoa! Not sure that oil-slick dispenser is NASCAR regulation, folks.
Good God! Sir! Sir! The TV ratings are in! Hot damn! Viewership has tripled! [ sproing! .]
- Yay, Speed! - Oh, yeah! Hurray for Speed! - We did it -- first place! - Hurray, Speed! Say, where are Spritle and Chim Chim? Ho-ho-ho! Those scamps are probably stowed away in the Mach 5 again.
BOTH: Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! ALL: [ gasp .]
Uh someone get a hose and a garbage bag.
There's no place like home.
There's no place like home.
- Goodbye, Dorothy.
- Bye, Dorothy! - We'll miss you.
- So long! [ twinkle! .]
ls that Kansas skank gone? Sweet! Back to business as usual.
But why? Ohh, remember when l said l was a very bad wizard? Well, case in point.
Oh! l'll just take that brain back.
Aah! Aah! [ clank! .]
Hmm.
[ munch! .]
Mmm! Mmm! Oh, but my courage is more of a concept, really.
Aah! Yep.
[ sighs .]
lt's good to be the wizard.
Sir, Glinda the Good Witch is here.
Ahh, bring me my rape shoes.
l want to be just like daddy.
[ crying .]
Whoo! Yeah! Previously on ''The Hills,'' Heidi tried to apologize, but l wasn't ready to forgive her.
lt's hard to say you're sorry.
You're sorry.
See, l just said it.
And my job at Teen Vogue was about to change forever.
We are sending you to Paris! Oh, my god.
Paris? l'm just a girl and Paris is so far away l'm sorry.
l thought that song might go longer.
Anyway, there's a catch.
We're also sending Heidi.
But Heidi doesn't even work here.
What are you saying, that this is a scripted show? l just don't know if l can go to Paris with Heidi.
A trip to Paris is what you've always wanted but there's a catch and her name is Heidi Montag lt's really hard, but l want you to go to Paris.
l don't know.
lt's hard! l like talking.
l'm talkin' to you about every little thing that you do but l can't tell the difference between you two Spencer, l don't think you even know where Paris is.
Leave him alone, Lauren.
He's trying.
Driving is hard.
Everything is so hard! Heidi, other one, stop yelling! Ow! Noises hurt! Stop hurting me, baby! Mistakes are easy to make when you're young and on your way to Paris Oh, great, the tires are flat.
No, they aren't.
You just drove off the road.
Fine, Lauren, fine! l can't do this with you right now! Frustrated grunt! You're jealous that l'm with Spencer.
This is hard, Lauren! Seriously! Getting to Paris is hard! The keys! Either one of them could have the keys.
So l should go this way.
Sometimes you got to split the difference between two people and then you find the car keys but if someone's watching through binoculars it means the hills have eyes and Paris is so far away The city of lights! [ gasps .]
l made it! Looks like you made it to the big time and it was such a hard climb but Paris can be lonely without friends We gonna skin ya and wear your skin and bake you in an oven and eat you, girl.
[ muffled screaming .]
[ gasping .]
That sounds hard! Come on.
Let's go warms up the oven.
[ whimpering .]
Shh.
Be quiet, guys.
Don't say anything.
On the outside lookin' in everything seems so frightening but just remember who you are a big, bright, shining star Aah! Hey, you're just a girl Aah! [ thud! crack! .]
Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-gawk! Bawk.
[ drilling, sawing .]
[ electricity crackling .]
lt's alive! My son Perseus, you have the advantage of a strong body and a pleasing face, but you will need the help of Zeus! Here is an impenetrable shield and a sword that will penetrate any armor.
Try not to get it too close to the shield.
Not sure which one beats the other.
[ sighs .]
Bo-ring! What about this little baby? Yeah, git-r-done! Over land and shallow stream comes a clashing titan four-wheel dream machine Perseus Monster Truck! [ swords clanging .]
[ all scream .]
With the monster truck custom chrome grill guard You can smash through anything that's hard Perseus Monster Truck! ow! Calibos is in the swamp that's where his monster truck will stomp Perseus Monster Truck! turbo charged and diesel mean a clashing titan four-wheel dream machine Aw fuck! lf you touch your sister one more time, l am driving this car into a lake! [ tires screech .]
l'm lron Man! lgnite rocket boots! Whoosh! Vr-r-r-oom! Zho-zho! Repulser rays, go! Choo-choo-choo! [ laughs .]
l'm lron Man! Holy crap! lt's lron Man for real! Hey, lron Man! lron Man! lron Man, look at me! l'm lron Man, too! What the -- whoa! Hey, Hulk, l'm lron Man! Works for Hulk.
[ grunts .]
Whoa! Unh! Unh! Ow! Mommy? [ splat! .]
Unh! l'mlron Man.
Well, works for Giant-Man.
Aaaaaaaaah! [ weakly .]
l'm lron Man.
Yay, lron Man! Nice job, Avengers.
Hey, what happened to that little kid? Kid? [ thunk! .]
Look on the bright side.
Now he's a real lron Man.
[ clank! clank! .]
[ chuckles .]
Get it? lron Man.
- He's made of iron.
- [ grunts .]
What? What? Too soon, Tony.
Too soon.
[ singing in ltalian .]
[ singing in ltalian .]
[ singing in ltalian .]
[ all singing in ltalian .]
Khan Khan Kha-a-a-a-n [ singing in ltalian .]
[ singing in ltalian .]
[ singing in ltalian .]
Ladies and gentlemen, NASCAR's newest driver, Speed Racer.
[ techno music plays .]
lt is my goal to drive my car the fastest, using all the RPMs at my disposal and cross the finish line before the other cars, which will result in me winning many races, mm? Hey, Mr.
Racer, have you lined up any corporate sponsorships? As a matter of fact, l've lined up Japan's most popular animé series to sponsor my car.
[ all gasp .]
The English translation of the series is ''Many-Tentacled Rapists from Hell Conquer the lnnocence of Schoolgirls,'' and, as you can see, the production values are extremely high.
Ho-ho-ho.
[ sproing! .]
Oh, no! Speed, come quick! [ gasps .]
l thought southern intolerance was a thing of the past.
Folks, hey, this isn't a hate cross.
lt's a welcome cross.
Wow, this particular gift basket contains a wide selection of Omaha Steaks, plus a $50 gift certificate to Best Buy.
Ahhh.
Hey, l never got a welcome cross.
And the Mach 5 makes an early push using a debatably legal tactic.
Speed, those must be the jewel thieves that stole the Daytona 500 diamond.
[ laughs evilly .]
This calls for a little creative driving.
[ engine revving, crowd shouting .]
Oh, my! Gonna have to check the rule book on that maneuver, race fans.
Don't worry, Speed.
Help is on the way -- from a mysterious ally.
Hey, everybody, give Speed Racer's secret brother some room.
Go help your secret brother, Racer X.
Boy, l wish l had a secret brother like Racer X.
Those drivers are persistent, but they are certainly no match for the Mach 5.
[ laughs .]
Whoa! Not sure that oil-slick dispenser is NASCAR regulation, folks.
Good God! Sir! Sir! The TV ratings are in! Hot damn! Viewership has tripled! [ sproing! .]
- Yay, Speed! - Oh, yeah! Hurray for Speed! - We did it -- first place! - Hurray, Speed! Say, where are Spritle and Chim Chim? Ho-ho-ho! Those scamps are probably stowed away in the Mach 5 again.
BOTH: Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! ALL: [ gasp .]
Uh someone get a hose and a garbage bag.
There's no place like home.
There's no place like home.
- Goodbye, Dorothy.
- Bye, Dorothy! - We'll miss you.
- So long! [ twinkle! .]
ls that Kansas skank gone? Sweet! Back to business as usual.
But why? Ohh, remember when l said l was a very bad wizard? Well, case in point.
Oh! l'll just take that brain back.
Aah! Aah! [ clank! .]
Hmm.
[ munch! .]
Mmm! Mmm! Oh, but my courage is more of a concept, really.
Aah! Yep.
[ sighs .]
lt's good to be the wizard.
Sir, Glinda the Good Witch is here.
Ahh, bring me my rape shoes.
l want to be just like daddy.
[ crying .]
Whoo! Yeah! Previously on ''The Hills,'' Heidi tried to apologize, but l wasn't ready to forgive her.
lt's hard to say you're sorry.
You're sorry.
See, l just said it.
And my job at Teen Vogue was about to change forever.
We are sending you to Paris! Oh, my god.
Paris? l'm just a girl and Paris is so far away l'm sorry.
l thought that song might go longer.
Anyway, there's a catch.
We're also sending Heidi.
But Heidi doesn't even work here.
What are you saying, that this is a scripted show? l just don't know if l can go to Paris with Heidi.
A trip to Paris is what you've always wanted but there's a catch and her name is Heidi Montag lt's really hard, but l want you to go to Paris.
l don't know.
lt's hard! l like talking.
l'm talkin' to you about every little thing that you do but l can't tell the difference between you two Spencer, l don't think you even know where Paris is.
Leave him alone, Lauren.
He's trying.
Driving is hard.
Everything is so hard! Heidi, other one, stop yelling! Ow! Noises hurt! Stop hurting me, baby! Mistakes are easy to make when you're young and on your way to Paris Oh, great, the tires are flat.
No, they aren't.
You just drove off the road.
Fine, Lauren, fine! l can't do this with you right now! Frustrated grunt! You're jealous that l'm with Spencer.
This is hard, Lauren! Seriously! Getting to Paris is hard! The keys! Either one of them could have the keys.
So l should go this way.
Sometimes you got to split the difference between two people and then you find the car keys but if someone's watching through binoculars it means the hills have eyes and Paris is so far away The city of lights! [ gasps .]
l made it! Looks like you made it to the big time and it was such a hard climb but Paris can be lonely without friends We gonna skin ya and wear your skin and bake you in an oven and eat you, girl.
[ muffled screaming .]
[ gasping .]
That sounds hard! Come on.
Let's go warms up the oven.
[ whimpering .]
Shh.
Be quiet, guys.
Don't say anything.
On the outside lookin' in everything seems so frightening but just remember who you are a big, bright, shining star Aah! Hey, you're just a girl Aah! [ thud! crack! .]
Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-gawk! Bawk.