That '80s Show (2002) s01e09 Episode Script
Double Date
Just bear with me here.
I'm new at this ticketron stuff.
Margaret, this thing isn't workin'.
Well, here's your first problem.
You want tickets to air supply.
I'm gonna give you a couple tickets to Joe cocker 'cause I think you're sexy.
I'd rather have the tickets to air supply.
There's no helpin' some people.
That's True.
Best seats in the house.
See how the air supply is up on the fourth balcony.
[DOOR SLAMS.]
Don't look at me don't talk to me.
Something's different.
Did you get your braces off? I know what it is.
Did you used to have a mustache? Yeah.
Look.
I overslept, and I didn't have any corn starch.
God, I feel like a freak! No, no.
It looks great.
What are you saying? You don't like it the other way? Nono--it--look, it's great both ways.
I mean, it--it-- Margaret, little help here.
Corey hates it the other way.
You asked.
I didn't say anything to you the day you wore those girl pants.
The brown corduroys? Hey, just 'cause they come with their own belt doesn't make 'em girlie.
Ooh, bad news.
The Chick I was gonna take to the Bob Marley festival canceled.
I'm stuck with an extra ticket.
Hey.
What are you doin' this weekend? That's tuesday.
Really? Look, why don't you just come with us without a date? Aw, no way.
Roger's not about bein' a third wheel.
Tuesday, you know anybody? She doesn't know anybody.
What do you mean, I don't know anybody? I know people.
No, I know.
I just meant-- I mean I just haven't met a lot of your friends or any.
Roger I'll set you up.
Cool.
Then we're on.
Oh.
Tuesday uhmake sure the lady doesn't have wax wings, 'cause, uh she's gonna be flyin' dangerously close to the sun.
Ok, we're done.
Here you go, daddy.
Fried chicken and mashed potatoes.
It's Owen's favorite.
Dig in.
We got a motto in the navy-- "Take all you want, but eat all you take.
" Yeah, Roger has a motto, too-- "Chicks don't dance with the fat guy.
" Hello, everyone.
Rt, you left work without signing these.
What is all this? It's for the commercial.
Commercial? These are contracts for actors.
Now, Why would you need an actor to make a commercial? All you do, you take a picture of the fitness equipment, you slap a phone number Along the bottom, and then you wait for the money to roll in.
Rt, you hired me to be the director of marketing, and I've decided we need a new approach-- something to dazzle the viewers.
Yeah.
Let's take Roger.
Finally.
Would you rather look at pictures of a fitness apparatus or a bevy of sweaty, glistening women in Form-fitting lycra as they work their way to firmer thighs and rock-hard buns? Thighs and buns, please.
And say this wasn't just a 30-second commercial but ran 10 minutes late at night and these sensual Women share their success stories with you.
Would you buy this product, Roger? Sure.
Do you know what this product is? No.
Do you care? No.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Let me get this straight.
So, you're talking about a long commercial where the actors give us information about the product.
It's a commercial with information.
It's an info.
mational commercial.
That's genius, rt.
Well [GIGGLES.]
sign here.
You bet.
Hey, just out of curiosity, what am I buying? It's the Butt luge ii, completely repackaged for christmas.
I still don't care.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh, what's the difference between the Butt luge I and the Butt luge ii? 50 bucks and a before and after picture of Santa.
You want to come watch us shoot it? Yes! Uh, if-- if you want to.
Sure.
Great! It's gonna be at your school.
Rancho rio high?! No, silly.
San Diego college.
What? I thought you quit.
Talking about it? Hardly! It's a beautiful campus.
Well, I have to get back to the office.
I'm auditioning models.
Models, huh? Huh.
Well, I think I'd better come down there with you so I can explain the concept to 'em.
Katie.
You never told your father you dropped out? Mmm, you should always be honest with your parents.
Really.
Like the time you told your mom you saved your entire company in grenada.
Hey, those deviled eggs had been out in the sun all day.
This ticketron's really attracting a lot of business.
No, this ticketron is attracting a lot of morons.
Hey, Tuesday about the reggae concert yes? And this date you're gonna get for Roger? Yes? Can you just be a little careful about who you pick? Why? Well, because if it doesn't work out, I'll never hear the end of it.
He's still mad at me because I told him to take nicodemus as his confirmation name.
Don't worry.
I've already taken care of it.
She's perfect.
[CHUCKLES.]
Great.
Tuesday, could you take this to the bank? And while you're there, grab me a handful of those free pens.
Heywhat do I look like? My slave, now, scoot.
Take care.
Bye-Bye.
Good morning.
My name is Patty.
How may I help you? Hi, Patty.
Are you standing on a stool? [CHUCKLES.]
No.
I have legs.
Do you like Bob Marley? Yeah! Perfect.
You ready? Which look do you like better? Hot? Hotter? Hotter? Hotter? I'd go with hotter.
Yeah, me, too.
Well, boys I'm off to supervise my first informational commercial.
How do I look? Like a distinguished older man Who's about to drop a bundle on a young lady in a leotard.
Good.
Then I'm good.
Hey, why aren't you dressed? We're supposed to pick up the ladies in half an hour.
This is what I'm wearing.
[SNICKERS.]
I don't think so.
You are bringing down our collective fashion quotient.
Oh, no! Not our c.
F.
Q.
! Hey, so, what do you know about my blind date? Well, I know that she's the first friend of Tuesday's I've ever met.
Ooh, you can learn a lot about a person by their choice of friends.
Mm-hmm.
I meanlook at us.
What happened to you? What happened to you? What happened to you? What happened to you? What happened to you? What happened to you? What happened to you? What happened to you? Is dad gone? Uh, yeah, he just left.
Darn.
I just worked up the nerve to tell him that I dropped out of college.
No, you didn't.
You're right.
I've been hiding in my room in a shame spiral.
Oh, god, I have to tell him.
And break his heart? All he wants is one of his children to be a business major.
He's still not over Corey's humanities degree.
Philosophy, with a minor in music.
Either way, you majored in poverty.
And, uh, rt is a little upset by that.
How would you know? We dialogue.
This is killing me.
Hey, lookjust go down to the school and tell him the truth.
You'll feel better.
But what if I tell him and he drifts from bar to bar drinking and looking for answers? He does that now.
Right.
I'll tell him.
Corey, you'd better get changed.
You're gonna be late for your date.
Is that her? No.
Is that her? No.
Is that her? No! Then why is she comin' over to the car? Oh, wait.
That is her.
Ha ha ha! Hey, Patty.
Hi.
Roger: Hey.
Hi.
Patty, this is Corey.
Hi.
Nice to meet you.
Hi.
And that's Roger.
And I'm better than you expected.
Am I right? We'll see.
So.
Roger, what do you do? Oh.
Direct.
I like that.
I'm in the automobile industry.
Not bad.
I'm in finance.
I love money.
[CHUCKLES.]
You may love money, but I'm in love with money.
Nice work! Just call me cupid.
Do you rent or own? Lease to buy.
Oceanside view.
Huh.
Rent-controlled.
On the beach.
Utilities included.
Nicely done.
Mm-hmm.
I'm a certified scuba diver.
[CHUCKLES.]
Who isn't? [CHUCKLES.]
I once had to hold my breath for 2 minutes before I could resurface.
2 minutes? That's for amateurs.
Oh, yeah? Let's see.
We'll do it.
[BOTH BREATHE IN DEEPLY AND HOLD.]
They're really holdin' their breath back there? Yeah.
You know, I didn't think it was possible, but you actually found someone that matches Roger's maturity.
I have a system.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hey, what do you say we go to the club and get a drink before the concert? Rog, you in? Honey, isn't it nice when the kids are quiet? [EXHALES LOUDLY.]
Damn! I'm out! All right, you win.
You win! Patty? I went to berkeley.
I went to Stanford.
Graduated in 3 years.
Oh.
I finished in 2, which was totally unprecedented, but I did go in with 14 advanced placement credits.
I had 17.
Oh.
Ok.
Well, really, I had 19, but since berkeley didn't offer historical languages, my medieval spanish credit was totally wasted.
Totally wasted.
Good idea.
Who wants another round? Ooh, I'll buy.
No, I'll buy.
Ok, fine.
Did I win that one? I don't think so.
[RT LAUGHS LOUDLY.]
[THE GIRLS LAUGH.]
Ho ho! That was good.
Rt.
Can I speak to you for a minute? Certainly.
[CHUCKLES.]
Rt, this is really important to me.
I'm trying to do something new in video marketing, so could you please not distract the models? Some of them aren't too bright.
Really? Which ones? Maybe you should take a look at the script-- the one that's on your desk, back at the office.
I got one right here.
And you know what this thing really needs? Not an actor, not a model.
It needs a spokesperson.
It needs me.
Ohhh! For the love of god! Rt, I don't think that this is-- Oh, it's all right.
I know what you're gonna say.
Oh, girls.
Mmm? What do you say we, uh go rehearse, huh? It's called the, uh, Butt luge ii.
Thanks for comin' with me.
I need the moral support.
I'm proud of you, Katie-- tellin' your father the truth.
Last thing I want is for the future mother of my children to be a lyin' Sack.
Here's some quarters.
Go visit the vending machines.
Ooh, I hope they have hot chocolate.
Katie.
Is that you? Professor Webster! How are you? I haven't seen you since you asked me for an extension on that paper 6 months ago.
[LAUGHING NERVOUSLY.]
Has it been 6 months? You look great.
Katie, I know you dropped out.
Yes, I did.
What was your major? Accounting.
Ehh! Why don't you change your major to environmental science? You were great at it.
I was? I might even be able to take you on as a research assistant.
Wow! Me?! [GIGGLES.]
I could do something I liked and get paid for it? That goes against everything I ever learned growing up.
Wellyou think about it.
Now I need to go check out this commercial.
I want to know what that fine-lookin' man is selling.
What is with that woman?! is it me, or is she overly competitive? Oh, yeah.
Hey, but good job not sinkin' to her level.
Thanks.
Hey, what else am I good at? Why don't you just ask her to dance? [CHUCKLES.]
That's it! Dance is Roger's ultimate weapon.
I've got home court advantage! Mm-hmm.
I will destroy her on the dance floor.
 [MEETING IN THE LADIES' ROOM BY KLYMAXX PLAYS.]
Hey.
Care to dance? You might not want that.
[CHUCKLES PROUDLY.]
I want that.
What's with your friend? I don't know.
I mean, is she usually like this? Beats me.
I've never been out with her.
She works at my bank.
[CROWD CHEERS.]
[CHEERING AND SHOUTING.]
Whoa! Ohh! Ooh! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE.]
[SHOUTING CONTINUES.]
[CHEERING.]
[CHEERING AND SHOUTING.]
Whoo! Listen, girls.
I'm in charge here, and we are way behind, so if you don't stop flirting with rt, so help me, I will shoot this commercial so you all look fat! [COUGHING POINTEDLY.]
[CHUCKLING.]
Ohhi, rt.
I was just tellin' the girls not to upstage you because you are the star.
Well, all I can say is that I feel just like the fruit vendor, 'cause everywhere I turn, there's a beautiful pair.
Ha ha Ha Ha ha! [GIRLS LAUGH.]
[LOUD THUMPING.]
[THUMP THUMP THUMP.]
Yeah, I used to be like you.
Dirty hair kickin' vending machines searchin' for some meaning.
Then I stabbed a dummy with a bayonet at full speed.
[WHISPERING.]
Now, that gets you high.
You a cop? Even better.
I'm a sea cop.
U.
S.
Navy.
[LAUGHING.]
Sea cop? Ha Ha ha! You won't be laughin' after I kick you in the neck.
Hey, Tawny, use it or luge it.
Hi, daddy.
Oh, hi, sweetheart.
You came down to watch your old man in action, huh? No, I came here to tell you the truth.
I look chunky in these slacks.
[SIGHS.]
This is really hard, but I-- I-- I'm changing my major.
From business? Yes.
To environmental science.
Oh, god, no! First Corey, and now you.
Listen, sweetheart can't you see? It's all laid out here for you.
Think about what you'd be giving up.
It's an empire.
It's a television fitness empire.
Why do you hate me? I don't hate you, daddy.
I hate business.
I won't make much money, but IÂ will save the planet! Or at least a beach in San Diego, hopefully the one closest to our house.
Just so long as you're not tellin' me that you're dropping out.
Believe me, I could never tell you I dropped out.
It's just not like Roger to take my car.
He's never done this before.
Hey, Corey, you know what made that 4-mile walk breeze by? You talking incessantly about your stupid car.
You know, this is all your fault.
Oh, good.
More car talk.
You set Roger up with a complete stranger, who could be a psycho! At least she works at a bank.
I could've asked the girl from the 7-eleven.
And she's pregnant.
Roger's my best friend! [SIGHS.]
You were having fun until you found out I didn't know her.
Uhh! You always have to know what to expect.
You always have to know what's gonna happen.
You make me sound like some tight-ass old man.
I bet you have car insurance.
You don't? Face it-- I'm scary, and you like it.
You don't know that.
[CHUCKLES.]
Ok, so you know it.
I just wish you'd give me a little warning before you do something bizarre.
Oknext time I will.
You're not goin' to, are you? Not a chance.
Yuhh! Uhh! [BOTH PANTING.]
You want to go again? I don't think you can handle it.
Oh, you're just saying that because you can't handle it.
Oh, watch me.
[GASPS.]
[BOTH BREATHING HARD.]
Hey, Margaret.
Sorry I'm late.
HiCorey, Katie, village person.
Oh, uh, don't let the uniform confuse you, ma'am.
I'm not a musician.
Don't let the office confuse you.
I don't really work here.
Hey, Thanks, Owen, for givin' me a ride, because I don't have a car.
Hi, tuesday.
I heard your hair was down the other day.
Sorry I missed it.
Roger! Where the hell have you been with my car?! where haven't I been with your car? If you know what I mean? So it worked out with your date? Yeah.
It worked out a couple of times.
If you know what I mean.
We all know what you mean.
Owen: I don't know what he means.
SoRoger you got something that you didn't expect and you just went with it and had a great time.
Hmm.
Imagine that.
What's that on your arm? Oh, this.
[CHUCKLES.]
Triple-a had to saw through your steering wheel.
Well, you have insurance, right? Yes, I do! Here, give me your wrist.
I know how to do this.
Hey.
Thanks.
[CHUCKLES.]
Man, I need coffee.
Yeah, coffee sounds good.
And Fries.
Hey, Corey you know that thing you said about me warning you the next time I was gonna do something Crazy? Yeah? [CLINKING.]
I just did.
Oh.
Oh, no, no, no.
Ha ha ha! No! No, no, no! No! No, no, no.
No! Ha Ha ha! Margaret! You're on your own.
Sophia: Andaction! Hello.
I'm rt Howard, president of-- Hey, how you doin', darlin'? you want to be in a commercial? Hello.
I'm rt Howard.
Don't lose that fat.
 Luge that fat.
Hey, When's lunch? I'm gettin' hungry.
Sophia: Rt? Rt! Line!
I'm new at this ticketron stuff.
Margaret, this thing isn't workin'.
Well, here's your first problem.
You want tickets to air supply.
I'm gonna give you a couple tickets to Joe cocker 'cause I think you're sexy.
I'd rather have the tickets to air supply.
There's no helpin' some people.
That's True.
Best seats in the house.
See how the air supply is up on the fourth balcony.
[DOOR SLAMS.]
Don't look at me don't talk to me.
Something's different.
Did you get your braces off? I know what it is.
Did you used to have a mustache? Yeah.
Look.
I overslept, and I didn't have any corn starch.
God, I feel like a freak! No, no.
It looks great.
What are you saying? You don't like it the other way? Nono--it--look, it's great both ways.
I mean, it--it-- Margaret, little help here.
Corey hates it the other way.
You asked.
I didn't say anything to you the day you wore those girl pants.
The brown corduroys? Hey, just 'cause they come with their own belt doesn't make 'em girlie.
Ooh, bad news.
The Chick I was gonna take to the Bob Marley festival canceled.
I'm stuck with an extra ticket.
Hey.
What are you doin' this weekend? That's tuesday.
Really? Look, why don't you just come with us without a date? Aw, no way.
Roger's not about bein' a third wheel.
Tuesday, you know anybody? She doesn't know anybody.
What do you mean, I don't know anybody? I know people.
No, I know.
I just meant-- I mean I just haven't met a lot of your friends or any.
Roger I'll set you up.
Cool.
Then we're on.
Oh.
Tuesday uhmake sure the lady doesn't have wax wings, 'cause, uh she's gonna be flyin' dangerously close to the sun.
Ok, we're done.
Here you go, daddy.
Fried chicken and mashed potatoes.
It's Owen's favorite.
Dig in.
We got a motto in the navy-- "Take all you want, but eat all you take.
" Yeah, Roger has a motto, too-- "Chicks don't dance with the fat guy.
" Hello, everyone.
Rt, you left work without signing these.
What is all this? It's for the commercial.
Commercial? These are contracts for actors.
Now, Why would you need an actor to make a commercial? All you do, you take a picture of the fitness equipment, you slap a phone number Along the bottom, and then you wait for the money to roll in.
Rt, you hired me to be the director of marketing, and I've decided we need a new approach-- something to dazzle the viewers.
Yeah.
Let's take Roger.
Finally.
Would you rather look at pictures of a fitness apparatus or a bevy of sweaty, glistening women in Form-fitting lycra as they work their way to firmer thighs and rock-hard buns? Thighs and buns, please.
And say this wasn't just a 30-second commercial but ran 10 minutes late at night and these sensual Women share their success stories with you.
Would you buy this product, Roger? Sure.
Do you know what this product is? No.
Do you care? No.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Let me get this straight.
So, you're talking about a long commercial where the actors give us information about the product.
It's a commercial with information.
It's an info.
mational commercial.
That's genius, rt.
Well [GIGGLES.]
sign here.
You bet.
Hey, just out of curiosity, what am I buying? It's the Butt luge ii, completely repackaged for christmas.
I still don't care.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh, what's the difference between the Butt luge I and the Butt luge ii? 50 bucks and a before and after picture of Santa.
You want to come watch us shoot it? Yes! Uh, if-- if you want to.
Sure.
Great! It's gonna be at your school.
Rancho rio high?! No, silly.
San Diego college.
What? I thought you quit.
Talking about it? Hardly! It's a beautiful campus.
Well, I have to get back to the office.
I'm auditioning models.
Models, huh? Huh.
Well, I think I'd better come down there with you so I can explain the concept to 'em.
Katie.
You never told your father you dropped out? Mmm, you should always be honest with your parents.
Really.
Like the time you told your mom you saved your entire company in grenada.
Hey, those deviled eggs had been out in the sun all day.
This ticketron's really attracting a lot of business.
No, this ticketron is attracting a lot of morons.
Hey, Tuesday about the reggae concert yes? And this date you're gonna get for Roger? Yes? Can you just be a little careful about who you pick? Why? Well, because if it doesn't work out, I'll never hear the end of it.
He's still mad at me because I told him to take nicodemus as his confirmation name.
Don't worry.
I've already taken care of it.
She's perfect.
[CHUCKLES.]
Great.
Tuesday, could you take this to the bank? And while you're there, grab me a handful of those free pens.
Heywhat do I look like? My slave, now, scoot.
Take care.
Bye-Bye.
Good morning.
My name is Patty.
How may I help you? Hi, Patty.
Are you standing on a stool? [CHUCKLES.]
No.
I have legs.
Do you like Bob Marley? Yeah! Perfect.
You ready? Which look do you like better? Hot? Hotter? Hotter? Hotter? I'd go with hotter.
Yeah, me, too.
Well, boys I'm off to supervise my first informational commercial.
How do I look? Like a distinguished older man Who's about to drop a bundle on a young lady in a leotard.
Good.
Then I'm good.
Hey, why aren't you dressed? We're supposed to pick up the ladies in half an hour.
This is what I'm wearing.
[SNICKERS.]
I don't think so.
You are bringing down our collective fashion quotient.
Oh, no! Not our c.
F.
Q.
! Hey, so, what do you know about my blind date? Well, I know that she's the first friend of Tuesday's I've ever met.
Ooh, you can learn a lot about a person by their choice of friends.
Mm-hmm.
I meanlook at us.
What happened to you? What happened to you? What happened to you? What happened to you? What happened to you? What happened to you? What happened to you? What happened to you? Is dad gone? Uh, yeah, he just left.
Darn.
I just worked up the nerve to tell him that I dropped out of college.
No, you didn't.
You're right.
I've been hiding in my room in a shame spiral.
Oh, god, I have to tell him.
And break his heart? All he wants is one of his children to be a business major.
He's still not over Corey's humanities degree.
Philosophy, with a minor in music.
Either way, you majored in poverty.
And, uh, rt is a little upset by that.
How would you know? We dialogue.
This is killing me.
Hey, lookjust go down to the school and tell him the truth.
You'll feel better.
But what if I tell him and he drifts from bar to bar drinking and looking for answers? He does that now.
Right.
I'll tell him.
Corey, you'd better get changed.
You're gonna be late for your date.
Is that her? No.
Is that her? No.
Is that her? No! Then why is she comin' over to the car? Oh, wait.
That is her.
Ha ha ha! Hey, Patty.
Hi.
Roger: Hey.
Hi.
Patty, this is Corey.
Hi.
Nice to meet you.
Hi.
And that's Roger.
And I'm better than you expected.
Am I right? We'll see.
So.
Roger, what do you do? Oh.
Direct.
I like that.
I'm in the automobile industry.
Not bad.
I'm in finance.
I love money.
[CHUCKLES.]
You may love money, but I'm in love with money.
Nice work! Just call me cupid.
Do you rent or own? Lease to buy.
Oceanside view.
Huh.
Rent-controlled.
On the beach.
Utilities included.
Nicely done.
Mm-hmm.
I'm a certified scuba diver.
[CHUCKLES.]
Who isn't? [CHUCKLES.]
I once had to hold my breath for 2 minutes before I could resurface.
2 minutes? That's for amateurs.
Oh, yeah? Let's see.
We'll do it.
[BOTH BREATHE IN DEEPLY AND HOLD.]
They're really holdin' their breath back there? Yeah.
You know, I didn't think it was possible, but you actually found someone that matches Roger's maturity.
I have a system.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hey, what do you say we go to the club and get a drink before the concert? Rog, you in? Honey, isn't it nice when the kids are quiet? [EXHALES LOUDLY.]
Damn! I'm out! All right, you win.
You win! Patty? I went to berkeley.
I went to Stanford.
Graduated in 3 years.
Oh.
I finished in 2, which was totally unprecedented, but I did go in with 14 advanced placement credits.
I had 17.
Oh.
Ok.
Well, really, I had 19, but since berkeley didn't offer historical languages, my medieval spanish credit was totally wasted.
Totally wasted.
Good idea.
Who wants another round? Ooh, I'll buy.
No, I'll buy.
Ok, fine.
Did I win that one? I don't think so.
[RT LAUGHS LOUDLY.]
[THE GIRLS LAUGH.]
Ho ho! That was good.
Rt.
Can I speak to you for a minute? Certainly.
[CHUCKLES.]
Rt, this is really important to me.
I'm trying to do something new in video marketing, so could you please not distract the models? Some of them aren't too bright.
Really? Which ones? Maybe you should take a look at the script-- the one that's on your desk, back at the office.
I got one right here.
And you know what this thing really needs? Not an actor, not a model.
It needs a spokesperson.
It needs me.
Ohhh! For the love of god! Rt, I don't think that this is-- Oh, it's all right.
I know what you're gonna say.
Oh, girls.
Mmm? What do you say we, uh go rehearse, huh? It's called the, uh, Butt luge ii.
Thanks for comin' with me.
I need the moral support.
I'm proud of you, Katie-- tellin' your father the truth.
Last thing I want is for the future mother of my children to be a lyin' Sack.
Here's some quarters.
Go visit the vending machines.
Ooh, I hope they have hot chocolate.
Katie.
Is that you? Professor Webster! How are you? I haven't seen you since you asked me for an extension on that paper 6 months ago.
[LAUGHING NERVOUSLY.]
Has it been 6 months? You look great.
Katie, I know you dropped out.
Yes, I did.
What was your major? Accounting.
Ehh! Why don't you change your major to environmental science? You were great at it.
I was? I might even be able to take you on as a research assistant.
Wow! Me?! [GIGGLES.]
I could do something I liked and get paid for it? That goes against everything I ever learned growing up.
Wellyou think about it.
Now I need to go check out this commercial.
I want to know what that fine-lookin' man is selling.
What is with that woman?! is it me, or is she overly competitive? Oh, yeah.
Hey, but good job not sinkin' to her level.
Thanks.
Hey, what else am I good at? Why don't you just ask her to dance? [CHUCKLES.]
That's it! Dance is Roger's ultimate weapon.
I've got home court advantage! Mm-hmm.
I will destroy her on the dance floor.
 [MEETING IN THE LADIES' ROOM BY KLYMAXX PLAYS.]
Hey.
Care to dance? You might not want that.
[CHUCKLES PROUDLY.]
I want that.
What's with your friend? I don't know.
I mean, is she usually like this? Beats me.
I've never been out with her.
She works at my bank.
[CROWD CHEERS.]
[CHEERING AND SHOUTING.]
Whoa! Ohh! Ooh! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE.]
[SHOUTING CONTINUES.]
[CHEERING.]
[CHEERING AND SHOUTING.]
Whoo! Listen, girls.
I'm in charge here, and we are way behind, so if you don't stop flirting with rt, so help me, I will shoot this commercial so you all look fat! [COUGHING POINTEDLY.]
[CHUCKLING.]
Ohhi, rt.
I was just tellin' the girls not to upstage you because you are the star.
Well, all I can say is that I feel just like the fruit vendor, 'cause everywhere I turn, there's a beautiful pair.
Ha ha Ha Ha ha! [GIRLS LAUGH.]
[LOUD THUMPING.]
[THUMP THUMP THUMP.]
Yeah, I used to be like you.
Dirty hair kickin' vending machines searchin' for some meaning.
Then I stabbed a dummy with a bayonet at full speed.
[WHISPERING.]
Now, that gets you high.
You a cop? Even better.
I'm a sea cop.
U.
S.
Navy.
[LAUGHING.]
Sea cop? Ha Ha ha! You won't be laughin' after I kick you in the neck.
Hey, Tawny, use it or luge it.
Hi, daddy.
Oh, hi, sweetheart.
You came down to watch your old man in action, huh? No, I came here to tell you the truth.
I look chunky in these slacks.
[SIGHS.]
This is really hard, but I-- I-- I'm changing my major.
From business? Yes.
To environmental science.
Oh, god, no! First Corey, and now you.
Listen, sweetheart can't you see? It's all laid out here for you.
Think about what you'd be giving up.
It's an empire.
It's a television fitness empire.
Why do you hate me? I don't hate you, daddy.
I hate business.
I won't make much money, but IÂ will save the planet! Or at least a beach in San Diego, hopefully the one closest to our house.
Just so long as you're not tellin' me that you're dropping out.
Believe me, I could never tell you I dropped out.
It's just not like Roger to take my car.
He's never done this before.
Hey, Corey, you know what made that 4-mile walk breeze by? You talking incessantly about your stupid car.
You know, this is all your fault.
Oh, good.
More car talk.
You set Roger up with a complete stranger, who could be a psycho! At least she works at a bank.
I could've asked the girl from the 7-eleven.
And she's pregnant.
Roger's my best friend! [SIGHS.]
You were having fun until you found out I didn't know her.
Uhh! You always have to know what to expect.
You always have to know what's gonna happen.
You make me sound like some tight-ass old man.
I bet you have car insurance.
You don't? Face it-- I'm scary, and you like it.
You don't know that.
[CHUCKLES.]
Ok, so you know it.
I just wish you'd give me a little warning before you do something bizarre.
Oknext time I will.
You're not goin' to, are you? Not a chance.
Yuhh! Uhh! [BOTH PANTING.]
You want to go again? I don't think you can handle it.
Oh, you're just saying that because you can't handle it.
Oh, watch me.
[GASPS.]
[BOTH BREATHING HARD.]
Hey, Margaret.
Sorry I'm late.
HiCorey, Katie, village person.
Oh, uh, don't let the uniform confuse you, ma'am.
I'm not a musician.
Don't let the office confuse you.
I don't really work here.
Hey, Thanks, Owen, for givin' me a ride, because I don't have a car.
Hi, tuesday.
I heard your hair was down the other day.
Sorry I missed it.
Roger! Where the hell have you been with my car?! where haven't I been with your car? If you know what I mean? So it worked out with your date? Yeah.
It worked out a couple of times.
If you know what I mean.
We all know what you mean.
Owen: I don't know what he means.
SoRoger you got something that you didn't expect and you just went with it and had a great time.
Hmm.
Imagine that.
What's that on your arm? Oh, this.
[CHUCKLES.]
Triple-a had to saw through your steering wheel.
Well, you have insurance, right? Yes, I do! Here, give me your wrist.
I know how to do this.
Hey.
Thanks.
[CHUCKLES.]
Man, I need coffee.
Yeah, coffee sounds good.
And Fries.
Hey, Corey you know that thing you said about me warning you the next time I was gonna do something Crazy? Yeah? [CLINKING.]
I just did.
Oh.
Oh, no, no, no.
Ha ha ha! No! No, no, no! No! No, no, no.
No! Ha Ha ha! Margaret! You're on your own.
Sophia: Andaction! Hello.
I'm rt Howard, president of-- Hey, how you doin', darlin'? you want to be in a commercial? Hello.
I'm rt Howard.
Don't lose that fat.
 Luge that fat.
Hey, When's lunch? I'm gettin' hungry.
Sophia: Rt? Rt! Line!