The Tom Green Farm (2026) s01e03 Episode Script
The Crank
1
- Hi there! Hi, I can see ya,
right now.
I can see you.
And if you're watching, uh,
thanks for watching.
(soft guitar music)
I'm Tom Green,
this is the Tom Green Farm.
Useless Farm is one
of the most hilarious
TikTok pages, YouTube pages.
Millions and millions
of subscribers
and followers worldwide.
Amanda from Useless Farm
has an incredible farm
full of funny characters,
of the animal persuasion.
An emu named Karen,
which has got a worldwide
fanbase.
My wife Amanda and I pop by
Useless Farm
to meet Amanda
and Karen the Emu.
(guitar strumming)
(vocalizing)
It's been 30 years
I've known Steven Page.
The first time I ever performed
in a stadium
was opening
for the Barenaked Ladies
with my childhood rap group
Organized Rhyme.
I will test ya
from the west of ya ♪
Now you know that I'm better
than the best of ya ♪
We popped by the Bathouse,
which is the studio
of the legendary Tragically Hip.
We made a song or two together.
I've always been such a huge fan
of the Barenaked Ladies,
and it's very cool
that Steven Page
came out to the farm today.
The Tom Green Farm.
That's me, I'm Tom Green.
Let's go.
(theme song)
This is the Tom Green Farm ♪
It's not the Green Tom Farm ♪
This is my favourite farm ♪
Because it is my farm ♪
If this was your farm ♪
You'd probably like it more
than I did ♪
That's just because
it was your farm ♪
But it's not your farm ♪
It's the Tom Green Farm ♪
(guitar music)
All right. C'mon, Charley!
C'mon.
- Charley! C'mon.
- Hey, hey!
Hi, Charley!
- Come here.
- You got the outfit memo!
- Come on, Charley, come.
You're wearing overalls,
and you're both named Amanda!
- Yes, twins! Twinning!
- Amanda and Amanda.
With the overalls.
- And Charley!
- And Charley!
Hi, baby!
- Amazing. Congratulations!
- Welcome!
Ah! Thank you so much.
- This is the new farm.
- The new farm, yeah,
we're all getting settled
in here.
The emus are very excited
to see you guys.
- Well, let's go look. Let's go
look at what's going on.
- Come on in!
- This is amazing.
Thanks, thanks for having us.
- Oh, thank you for coming!
(guitar music)
- So you got a donkey?
We have a donkey.
- This is Doug.
- Charley, come!
- He is a very invasive species,
he wants to be with everybody.
- This is Doug. Okay, hi, Doug.
How are you, Doug?
So, Doug would not bite Charley?
- No, Doug is petrified
of everything.
Loves dogs.
So this is Glenn with two N's.
- Okay.
- That's Janet,
and that's Stanley,
and Karen is back there,
working on the fence.
- So when was it that Karen
sort of popped and became the--
- Karen has been a real delight
right from the very beginning.
I had posted some videos of her,
because she just
she has it out for me,
this girl.
Pretty well any time
I'm in the pen,
she will be attacking me.
- So if you went in there
right now, would she attack you?
- Yeah.
- She'll just run at ya, or?
- She'll just run, yeah.
She's a bit of a coward, though,
'cause it's usually
when I'm walking away,
she'll attack me.
- Okay.
- Waits till your back
is turned?
- Waits till your back is
yeah, you
Hi, Karen.
- There's Karen right there.
- And that's Stanley.
We got Stanley as a companion
for Karen,
because it's always better
to have
more than one of the same
species with them.
And then, I hatched
in an incubator
Janet and Glenn with two N's.
- Oh, wow.
- So they're actually
Stanley and Karen's children.
I don't know why I did that,
bring more evil into the world!
(hissing)
But they seem to be good,
so far.
- And do you think Karen
is kind of funny
'cause like people,
there's Karens, right?
People know about Karens.
- There is. Well, the thing is,
we named her Karen before
Karen was, like, a thing.
- Did it go more viral after
Karen became a thing?
- Oh, my goodness! Yup, yup.
- 'Cause that's kind of
part of the fun of it to me,
I think, like,
that's the funny thing
that everybody sees
these Karens on TikTok
screaming at everybody.
- Yeah!
- And now you got a Karen emu
attacking you,
and, of course,
her name's Karen.
- Karen.
Apparently, there's a group
on Facebook that is, like,
Karens United
Against Using Karen
- That's the most Karen thing
to do, by the way!
- Which is yeah!
- The fact that Karens would
unite.
- Yes!
- To be, like, the most Karen,
Karen thing possible.
- Most Karen behaviour ever!
- They'll bite, or?
- Oh, yeah!
- Oh, yeah, just, oh, yeah!
- Yup. Oh, yeah!
- If I put my hand there,
it would--
Oh, my God! She's such a psycho.
Hi, Doug. Look at Doug.
- Doug's so happy to see
everybody!
- Hi, Doug. Is Doug happy?
- He's really happy
that you're here.
- How can you tell Doug's happy?
- Well, if you crouch down
and get it from an angle!
- Oh, really?
- Yeah!
- Come here, Doug.
- I don't know if you wanna!
- I don't know if you wanna
see it from that angle!
- Hi, Doug. Oh, yeah.
Hello, Doug!
Oh, I see why Doug's happy,
okay!
- Doug's delighted
to see you guys.
- We'll get a close-up
of that later! Uh, hello!
(energetic music)
Gonna be good.
Oh, here's Steven.
Awesome!
(bird cawing)
- Hey!
- How are you, man?
- How's it going?
- Very good, very good.
Good to see ya!
- Hi, Charley!
Nice to see you,
how are you today?
- Oh, my God.
- How's it going?
- Good, good to see you, Steven,
thank you.
- Ugh, sweaty, come on!
- I'm sweaty, I'm sweaty.
It's Ontario in July.
(chuckling)
It's horsefly humidex.
- Yeah, it's intense.
- Yeah.
You know this
you know this part of the world.
- I live in this part
of the world.
Yeah, it's uh, we complain,
and then we miss it.
- Complaining about the heat,
and then winter comes.
And then it didn't seem
so bad.
- And we miss this.
- Yeah. I'm making
- I'm making a chicken
it's not their actual coop,
this is their
this is their day spa.
- Right. Like the chicken
tractor, right?
You put them in this,
and then they move, you know,
they kind of fertilize the area,
and then you move it around
somewhere else?
- Yeah, cause I had
they had their coop,
but then, you'll see their coop.
I'll show you their coop.
- Okay.
- But, uh, yeah the fox,
we had a fox issue,
so I wanna be able to let
I have guinea hens,
I wanna let the guinea hens out,
and then, uh
have somewhere
for the chickens to go.
- That's a good idea,
I used to have chickens,
and I have no more anymore,
thanks to the foxes.
- It's sad, eh?
- And the coyotes. And the owls.
- Owls, too.
- You have to be careful
of the top, they come
- Oh, yeah.
I gotta I wasn't even gonna
cover the top!
It's a deadly place out here.
- That's right!
It's a dog-eat-dog world,
except not Charley.
- It's tough being a chicken
in this world.
Last night, we were jamming,
you let me come up
and play with you
at your show in Peterborough.
If I had a million dollars ♪
I'd build a tree fort
in our yard ♪
And if I had
a million dollars ♪
You could help
it wouldn't be that hard ♪
And if I had
a million dollars ♪
Maybe we could put
like a little tiny fridge ♪
In there somewhere ♪
- And we could put some sausages
in there?
- Sure! Little, tiny sausages
in the little, tiny fridge!
- Like, some, "Daddy,
would you like some sausages?"
- "Daddy would love
some sausages!"
- Some "Daddy, would you like
some sausages?"
(cheering)
Okay!
- 10,000 screaming fans.
- It was awesome.
- Excited to see us,
it was awesome, it was great.
- What a show, outdoor show.
I got to, uh, surprise them
at the end.
- They didn't have video screens
or anything else,
you never know
if they're actually gonna know
who, like, there's a little
stick figure on stage.
But they knew right away,
as soon as you came out
and I wasn't even on stage yet,
they knew who that was.
- It was like my limp
or something, I don't know.
(laughing)
Okay cool, well, I'm gonna
You've not been here before.
- I have not.
- I wanna give you a little tour
around and we'll hang out today.
Yeah, let's go look around.
- All right.
- We'll do this later,
we'll do this later.
- All right.
- Cool.
Hop in this thing.
Charley, come on!
- Sweet ride.
- Yeah!
Come on, Charley, jump up.
Oh yeah!
- This is beautiful!
- Settled in,
I'm four years here now.
- Amazing.
- Chickens.
- Oh, I see the guinea hens
there, too.
- Yeah, they're cool.
They eat ticks.
- Right.
- Yeah, this is one
of the fields.
This is where we'll do
a little podcast later.
- Sweet.
- Yeah, this is like a swamp
back here.
I have a swamp shack back here
that I built.
- Swamp shack, baby! Yeah.
- But it just keeps going,
it's amazing!
- Yeah, this is the lake here.
- Holy shit, so a real lake!
- Yeah, we got the lake here.
- That's amazing!
- Yeah.
- It's--
- This is where we are, Steven,
this is where we are.
- Amazing.
- Back home in Ontario, eh?
Gettin' 'er done!
- Give us a place to stand
and a place to grow, right?
- Yeah.
- You know the song.
- What song is that, again?
- It's the Ontario, like,
theme song, or whatever--
- Oh, I remember that.
- Yeah.
- But I only remember
Ontari-ari-ario
comes to Becker's.
- Oh!
- That was probably a spinoff
of the original song.
- I'm sure it probably was.
- Becker's was big, too.
- Becker's was big if you wanted
to get, like,
a returnable, refillable,
big jug of milk.
Remember those plastic jugs
of milk? And then
somebody would return it,
and it would have, like,
they would have put gas in it?
And you'd get this faint smell
of gas in your milk bottle?
- I don't remember that,
that is amazing!
This must be why they moved
to milk bags in Canada.
- I think so, yeah.
- That must be why they moved
to milk bags,
something that nobody
in the world understands.
- It's like, and I think
it's only in Eastern Canada,
like, it's not even in the West,
they don't have milk bags.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- It's certainly why we had
the milk bags in our house,
our parents wouldn't get
the refillable things,
'cause they were nervous
that there'd be gasoline
or something like that
in there, and this way,
we just had those clean bags
of milk.
- Sealed.
- Yeah.
- You can be
you can trust it.
That really narrows down why,
that's the why for the milk
bags.
- But it's also,
it's less waste, right?
In the bag, there's, like,
just this thin, plastic bag.
And you get this
you just snip the corner,
it is ingenious.
- Yeah!
- And then, you could also like,
fill
fill a trenchcoat
with bags of milk.
- Right, absolutely.
- I don't know--
- And squirt them on Glen.
- Yeah, release them--
- Squirt them on Glen Humplick,
on your public access show!
- That's right!
(guitar music)
- Oh, this is nice.
This is lettuce, some lettuce.
- Some nice, Romaine lettuce.
- Wait, who are these guys
all of a sudden? What the heck?
- Oh, so this is Curtis.
- Hey Curtis.
How you doing, Curtis?
- Yeah, look at his fluffy bum!
- Oh my God, look at Curtis.
Hello, Curtis!
How are you doing?
Hello, Curtis! Oh!
- Karen's coming in for a bite.
- There's Karen, there's Karen.
- And it's just ama--
(spitting)
what the fuck is that?
What was that?
- They're spitting!
- There you go. Oh, wow, look.
That is a Jurassic Park!
Can you overfeed 'em, or?
- Uh, I haven't yet, so--
- Okay!
- They're, they're pretty
- Okay.
- They'll stop when they--
- Wow. Okay!
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, wow!
What's going on?
Okay! There you go, buddy.
Hey, how are ya?
How many million people watch?
- I have five million people
on TikTok,
a million on Instagram.
- So, millions and millions
of people.
- Yeah!
- Regularly tuning in
to all the craziness going on--
- Watching the train wreck!
- At Useless Farm.
- Yeah.
- We shot a TikTok video,
I went down
to Syracuse, New York,
to do standup comedy.
All the wait staff and the
bartenders and everybody, like,
came running up to me
as soon as I got there,
were all excited to see me,
I was like,
"Oh this is cool, man,
I still got it."
They're like, "You were
on Useless Farm!"
(laughing)
Okay.
(guitar music)
It's like, it's one of those,
ketchup chips never made it down
in the US either.
- But there are Americans
who are like,
"If you go to Canada,
get me some ketchup chips!"
But no American says,
"When you go to Canada,
bring me some milk bags!"
I think it's very advanced,
and I think,
but I think Americans come
to Canada and they see that,
and it feels kind of uh,
it-it feels, um
like it's out of time,
like it's some relic
of the 1960s.
- Yeah.
- Or, maybe it's
it's the future.
- Oh, my gosh, that answers
that lifelong question I've had
of why do we get them
in the milk bags?
(laughing)
Sorry to put you to work
right off the bat--
- Oh, you know I'm a real,
uh
farm hand by trade.
- This is, uh
This is kind of an exciting day
for me, though.
To get the chickens out
and about again, 'cause
the fox really came in, and
did a number on three of them.
Patsy, Loretta and Shania.
- Oh, don't name them!
- Yeah, they bit the dust!
- If you name your chickens--
- Oh, yeah, they're one, two,
three, four, five and six now,
but before it was Patsy,
Shania, Loretta,
Dolly, June and Anne.
(laughing)
Get this up here
to the coop up here,
and uh, that'll be good.
- How is it for coyotes here?
- Lot of coyotes here.
Wolves, actually.
- Oh, really? Well, like
a lot of the ones we have down
by us are these coywolves.
- Yeah.
- So they're kind of
half-coyote, half-wolf.
- Absolutely, yeah. No, I think
we got that shit, too.
We'll just set it right there.
(guinea hens chirping)
- Look at those guys, huh?
- Those are the guinea hens,
and the chickens.
- They're bigger than I imagined
a guinea hen to be,
that's a good size.
- So, the idea is,
I'm not gonna let the chickens
free range anymore,
they're gonna go in various
places around on this.
But the guinea hens, they fly up
onto the roof to the barn,
and they can avoid this.
Chicken in the tractor.
(playful music)
- The guineas are being operated
by Frank Oz right now.
(laughing)
(guinea hens chirping)
With the help of Industrial
Light & Magic!
(laughing)
- There you go, there you go.
There you go.
It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.
- Is that it,
three chickens now?
- That's just down to three.
- Oof.
It just dawned on me
who your guinea hens
look like to me.
Heath Ledger
in the Batman movie.
(laughing)
Okay, chicks.
- Yeah, this is confusing
for them.
It's confusing for Charley, too.
Well, we'll use this
as the transporter,
and then we'll move this and
we'll put 'em
We wanna get 'em in the shade.
There you go.
(chickens clucking)
No, Charley! Charley kills one
right in front of us.
There we go. Oh!
That was surprisingly effective!
Okay.
This will work!
It's okay, guys,
everything's fine.
This is the new reality here.
Okay. All right, we did it.
There you go, one for you.
(chickens clucking)
There you go. There you go.
There you go.
And we'll get some water
in there for them.
Thank you, Steven.
- Yeah.
- Excuse me, Curtis.
- Mm-hmm.
- Hi, Glenn!
- Okay. That looks fun!
- Stanley.
(emu grunts)
Come on, Karen.
- It sounds like a cow!
Is that Karen to your right?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, you can see Karen
sort of gearing up to attack, huh?
- She yeah.
- Am I able to come in here, or?
- Yeah!
- Is it safe for me?
- Oh, no. But
(laughing)
- Wow. Okay, there we go.
They seem to be alerted.
(laughing)
Okay. Oh, there we go,
this is
this is what I'm oh,
this is what I'm talking about!
What? Stanley's cool, or?
- Oh, yeah!
- Hello! Hello, hello.
No, no, no, no! Hi there.
Hi! That doesn't seem very--
(horse squealing)
What the hell was that sound?
- Robert?
- Robert Fisch would
really like to be in there
with Lucy right now.
- Look at that horse,
look at the horse over there.
- Come here!
- Curtis, here you go,
here you go.
There you go.
- Just an absolute--
- That's a good haircut,
that's a great haircut,
hey! Whoa!
- Incredible!
- Is it am I chasing it, or?
(laughing)
- They're more kissers
than huggers,
they're more like--
- Charley!
- Oh! There's Stanley!
- Ooh! That scared the crap
out of me!
Like, who is the
in charge animal here?
- That would be Robert Fisch,
right coming up here.
- This little horse here?
- The littlest horse.
- Is in charge of all
the animals?
- Is in charge of all of them.
Everybody is absolutely
petrified of him.
- This little guy is in charge
of everybody?
- Everybody.
- It's like he knows,
he's coming over, he said,
"Me? You talking about me?"
- "You're talking about me?"
- You're Robert Fisch?
This is Robert Fisch here?
- He's never kicked me.
Now, Lucy's kicked me,
I got a broken leg from her.
- Wow, a broken leg?
- Yeah, that was--
- Which one's Lucy again?
- Lucy's in there,
and that's why
she's just a little bit
miserable today, so she's--
- Oh, yeah.
A little horse like that
can still break your leg.
- Yup.
- Imagine what Fanny could do
to me.
- Oh, man! Yeah.
- Hey, hello!
- Hey, Curtis!
- Hello there. Oh, no!
(laughing)
This is this is Robert Fisch.
- Yup.
- Robert Fisch is still
a little kind of
Hello! Hello there!
- He's a magic stallion!
- Hello! Do they like
running around, or?
Is it okay to run with them
like this?
- Oh, yeah!
- Come on!
Come on! Robert!
Come here, Robert!
(emu grunts)
Wait! Wait!
And fast, little Robert, huh?
- Yup!
- Couldn't even catch ya!
- Pretty impressive
for one horsepower.
- I'm out of breath, here!
- You might be.
(exhaling)
(energetic music)
We've known each other
for a long time,
1992 or something like that.
- Yeah. I would say
probably, '92, yeah.
- Was that your second album
that was out in '92?
- First album.
- Is that the set?
- It was Gordon,
so it was our first
kind of proper studio album.
We had the five-song cassette
before that in '91.
And then, '92 we got signed
to Sire Records,
and put out our first
real album.
- So, yeah, that's what I meant.
I was like,
the cassette was the first album
to me, you know?
- Yeah, for the diehards.
- With "If I Had $1000000"
on it.
Right, I was talking to your dad
about that last night,
about the cassette
and how that all went down.
- Well, we had made
previous tapes,
like, just on a four-track
cassette recorder,
in my parents' basement,
or Ed's parents' basement.
But then we were gonna go down
to South By Southwest,
in 1991, and we thought,
"Well, we should probably make
a better demo tape,
the one that sounds
like how we sound now."
We had a drummer now,
Tyler was playing drums.
Studio time was expensive,
and studios in Toronto back then
particularly did not really like
music artists coming in, like,
they were largely trying
to keep their studios clear
for, like, jingles, and TV
and film work and--
- Oh, really?
- Oh yeah, they were not
they didn't like
rock bands coming in.
- Ain't that weird?
Recording studios didn't like
musical artists coming in!
- Well, if it was some,
you know, big band jazz thing
who were coming, that's great.
But it was a very
it was kind of a very
old-fashioned,
kind of uptight world.
- Mm-hmm.
- So, we found this one studio,
where we could rent it
from 11PM to 7AM.
- Mm-hmm.
- It was cheaper that way.
We bought one reel of tape,
which is about
20 minutes of tape,
and recorded all night,
and up to like,
we finished with, um,
"Fight The Power"
by Public Enemy,
Because we had one minute
of tape left,
and we didn't wanna waste it.
So we just played the song
until the tape ran out.
- Yeah, yeah.
- And then, we just put
the same five songs
on both sides of the cassette,
'cause it was like a demo
we were gonna hand out
at South By Southwest.
We went down
to South By Southwest,
which we were not invited to,
there's a Canadian showcase,
and none of the Canadian labels
liked us.
They all thought we were,
like, a novelty group,
flat, embarrassing!
And again, it's 'cause
Canadian labels at that time
they were afraid of everything.
Like, they wanted things
that looked or sounded like
- American?
- American or British bands
that already existed.
- Uh-huh.
- Um, and we were just so
just like,
on purpose, we were so uncool.
- Uh-huh.
- That it embarrassed them.
So we were like,
"Hey, we wanna do
the Canadian showcase."
They said, "Oh, no, no,
we're we're full."
But we said, "Okay, great,
we'll see you down there."
And we just loaded into
a minivan
and then drove down to Austin,
with a double bass strapped
to the roof of the minivan.
And, uh, and we just busked
on the street,
like we would always do
in Toronto, too.
And, uh, you know, gave out
our tapes, wherever we could.
And then, one of the Canadian
bands on the showcase
got stopped at the border
and had the wrong paperwork
or whatever,
and couldn't get across
the border,
so they ran out into the street
and said,
"Could you guys play a set?"
And we're like, "Yup!"
We were always prepared to do
that kind of thing,
that's the kind of thing we did.
We got home from that trip,
we still had a, you know,
a bag full of tapes,
so we started selling them
off the stage,
and things were really starting
to blow up for us in Toronto
at that point, and just
across Canada in general.
So we started getting
we got a call
from Sam the Record Man,
the big record store
in downtown Toronto,
saying, "We've had people asking
for the Barenaked Ladies tape,
could you we'll sell it
for you on consignment,
if you wanna bring some down."
So you know,
we brought ten down,
and then like two days later,
they were gone.
They said, "Can you bring us,
like, a full box?"
So, get a full box made,
but we couldn't
we realized we couldn't afford
to get them all duplicated.
Like, that was like, too much
of a cash outlay for us,
we're making $200 a gig,
or whatever else, and uh
splitting that five ways.
And we were starting
to get calls
from shops outside of Toronto.
So that's when my dad said,
my dad
he was not an entrepreneur
by trade,
he was a schoolteacher.
- Mm-hmm.
- But he said,
"Look, why don't I
foot the bill for this,
and I'll take a cut."
- Mm-hmm.
- And I think he never
really expected
it was gonna grow,
but it was his way of being able
to kind of
support our ambition.
And then he started dealing
with actually shipping them
to the distributors,
and to the record stores,
and that kind of thing.
And it just blew up.
This five-song cassette
went gold in Canada,
which was, at that point,
it was 50,000 copies,
we sold 85,000 copies
of this thing at, uh--
- And that's indie, so that--
- Totally.
- Nobody was taking a cut,
other than your dad.
- That's right!
He was making it!
So, it turned into
this whole kind of business,
where other bands came to us,
and said, "How did you guys
do this?"
And we directed them to my dad,
my dad ended up having
for probably about 10 years,
a distribution company
specializing in indie artists.
- It was a yellow cover.
- Yup.
- And was it like a flower
on it, or?
- It was a flower growing,
like, coming out of a sandwich.
- I guess the thing
that is sort of, uh
kind of amazing about it
is that was probably
the first sort of
viral indie thing
that I recognized seeing
as a kid.
Viral. It was before
the internet.
- Sure.
- We grew up in a world
before the internet.
- Do you remember the
the Speaker's Corner thing
that we did? Like, you know,
MuchMusic/CityTV in Toronto
used to have--
- Yeah, I remember
Speaker's Corner.
I'm sure I've seen you
on that, yeah.
- Hi! We're Barenaked Ladies,
and we're a little too cheap
to make our own video,
so here you go!
- One, two, three, go!
(guitar strumming)
You can be my Yoko Ono ♪
You can follow me ♪
Wherever I go ♪
- So that was like,
one of the first things
that really blew up for us.
It was right around
that same time
where we went into, um
into the booth,
and we'd cut down,
'cause you had to get
one minute, or something,
or two minutes, for a loonie.
- Mm-hmm.
- Put the dollar coin in the
in the slot,
and then you can have
two minutes to film your rant,
or whatever it was.
And we did a cut-down version
of "Be My Yoko Ono,"
sang it, all five of us crammed
into this booth,
and then, uh, we got a call
from MuchMusic saying,
"This is like
we've been dreaming
for somebody to do this.
Nobody had done it before.
And so, they actually put
that into rotation
on their channel.
- Okay, yeah.
- Which they'd never
done before,
and we didn't have a video,
so that became kind of our video
for that song, at that point.
And that was like,
I look at how things blow up
on TikTok, for example, now,
and it's like, that's
if we if I was 18 now
and starting a band,
I think Ed and I would have
so much fun with that medium.
(banjo music)
(Tom): Oh, wow, are they playing
the piano?
(chuckling)
Why do they play the piano?
- They're just kind of musically
inclined, um--
- Look at them!
- Although I'm sure they could
use a lesson or two.
- So which animal have you had
the longest?
- It would be Doug.
- Doug.
- For sure.
- Doug the OG.
- The OG!
- Yeah, he started it all.
- Piano star!
- You're food-driven, huh?
Me too!
(laughing)
I found Useless Farm
during the pandemic, actually.
I just couldn't get
enough of it.
- A lot of people had
a hard time during that time,
and it was nice to just, uh
just get your mind off of it
and watch this train wreck.
So that's amazing!
(laughing)
Oh, my!
- And how old is Karen?
- So, Karen, we believe
is about
she'd be about 11 or 12 now.
- Oh! She's in double digits!
- She's in the double digits.
(whistling)
- There's a whole rabbit hole
you can go down on this thing.
And the snippets--
- Do your own research.
- The snippets were big, too.
The snippers?
- Yes.
- That was my era when
that came, 'cause I remember
that being an innovation.
- You'd have to have
a pair of scissors in the drawer
first to snip the corner.
- And you could never find
the scissors!
- But then someone invented
this little
this little hook thing,
with a little
like a little blade in it.
It'd hang off the side
of your milk jug,
or magnetize to your fridge.
- Yeah.
And I remember it being
an innovation,
'cause do you remember
you wouldn't be able to find
the scissors,
so you'd grab a steak knife
and you'd do this.
- And then, you'd have this,
like, raggedy plastic,
and then you'd pour the milk,
and the milk would go
everywhere!
- If nobody's looking,
you'd bend and bite the end off?
- Yeah, and the milk would shoot
in all directions.
- That's right.
- That was a big problem
back then as a kid.
(soft music)
What year did, did the band
did you leave the band?
- 2009.
- Okay.
You wanna talk about that, or?
- I don't mind.
- Why did that happen?
- Like, the short answer is
we didn't want to be around
each other anymore.
- Right.
- Which, like
You know, I got divorced.
I split with my first wife
in 2007.
And I had three young kids
at the time, I mean,
they're three grown adults now,
um, but uh
but that was a lot.
And I realize
when that happened,
I didn't I was 37,
but I didn't know
how to be an adult.
I'd moved out of my mom's house
into my wife's house, like
I always had a tour manager
to take care of me on the road.
Uh, had a new partner,
who was much younger than me.
And we were just trying
to negotiate how to live life,
it took us a lot of time.
Um, so that was one thing,
and then
I got arrested
for drug possession.
- Mm-hmm.
- And that was a huge deal,
I mean, it was
a big scandal in the press,
particularly in Canada.
- Mm-hmm.
- Um, and I think, you know,
it was definitely embarrassing
for me,
but it was really embarrassing
for the other guys.
- Paul McCartney got arrested
for drug possession.
- Well, that's it!
Yeah, exactly!
I think what it was,
what people felt like,
somehow it made me a phony,
like, I had been selling them
a bill of goods about being--
- 'Cause you guys had
a squeaky clean image.
- People like to see
the downfall
of somebody who looks like
they've got it all together.
I understand that now,
much better.
More than anything,
most importantly,
it was trying to, like,
maintain a relationship
with my kids, learn how to
navigate that stuff,
figure out immigration stuff,
like, what did this
what does this do for
our touring propositions?
- Mm-hmm.
- We would go to do a gig,
let's say we were flying
to do a corporate gig
in Orlando, or you know,
something like that.
They could fly from Toronto
to Orlando,
I'd have to, like, drive
to the Peace Bridge in Buffalo,
and get paroled into
the United States.
- Mm-hmm.
- And then, um
and then fly from Buffalo
to Orlando,
and I'd show up and we'd do
the gig together,
and then we would leave
separately.
So it was almost a year
of us travelling to gigs
separately from each other,
and eventually,
you kind of realize you're not
in the same band anymore.
The charges were eventually
dropped, and, uh
but I also did a whole bunch
of kind of rehab type stuff,
and went into therapies,
quite seriously
for the first time.
While that happens,
you're changing, right?
And like, the guys you were
18 with, when you're starting,
uh, you have a lot less
in common with them.
But it seems like,
"Okay, well, here we go,
I'm gonna go embark
on my solo career now,"
you know, they can be,
uh, Genesis,
and I can be Peter Gabriel,
and like, you know,
both have our own careers
and be equally big,
and it doesn't work that way.
It didn't work that way for me,
and that was a big shock.
I think I just thought
I could kind of pick up
where I was and just do
a solo version of that.
I think what also happened
in the group creatively,
was like not only,
you know,
for the first chunk
of our career,
even though we were both
lead singers,
I was I sang lead
on more songs.
- Mm-hmm.
- And wrote or co-wrote
more songs, like,
I was kind of more prominent.
And then our biggest hit
came along,
"One Week," that Ed wrote.
- Mm-hmm.
- We both sang it, um,
it became kind of like
I think everybody kind of
got the sense,
"Oh, he writes the hits."
- Yeah.
Cause it was a rap song, more.
- Yeah.
- Kind of a sort of a rap
hybrid type song.
- Yeah, rap rock.
- Chip chip lady chocolate,
the chine, which is kind of
a Busta Rhymes.
- Exactly, it was a tribute
to Busta Rhymes--
- Busta, yeah.
- Some people, like,
they discover it later
and they go, "Hey!
They ripped him off!"
But we were actually able
to see
we saw him in the lobby
of a hotel,
right before the album came out,
and we're like,
"We wrote a song,
it's a tribute to you!"
And he was like,
he was very excited about it.
- Yeah, yeah. It's hard, too,
like
probably some competitiveness, right?
When you're in a band
with another two lead singers?
It's not normal to have
two lead singers
in most rock bands.
- Right.
- I was in a rap group,
so we had two
Greg and I, we're
I think we were probably
competitive with each other.
Greg went solo at one point,
he decided to go solo,
so, okay, shit! I went back
to school,
studied broadcasting
at Algonquin
and started a TV show, you know?
So, you know, it worked out.
Because it's like,
the harmonization,
the way you guys
layered over each other,
I mean, it just it made,
it's the sound
of the Barenaked Ladies--
- And I'm sure, I know that
there are fans who are like,
you know, who--
- It's the way your voice
and Ed's voice
Because we did
"If I Had $1000000" yesterday.
- It was awesome.
- And I did
I guess I did Ed's part, right?
- Yup!
- But see, like--
- The way it layers together,
it becomes what the sound is,
so is there any chance you think
that you ever
Would the Barenaked Ladies
ever get back together?
- Well, I mean, uh
the first thing I think
about with that song,
like, the way it's sung,
with like
one guy sings one part,
the other guy sings the other,
that's exactly how it was
written. Like, you know,
Ed had kind of written
his part of the song
and played it to me one day,
he's like, "I wrote this song."
And I just started echoing
his lines,
with the lines that I sing,
and that kind of turned it
into the song it is.
And it kind of defines
our writing partnership,
and also kind of our vocal
partnership.
- It's a bit like rap.
So it's the combination
of the two,
it's just incredible.
- Yeah.
A song like that, I honestly,
and I was joking about it
last night
that I don't do it
as part of my set,
but I literally have not
done it for years.
- Really?
- Because I felt like--
- Is that ever cool! I did not
know that when we did that.
- I just started doing it,
I've done it at a few gigs
here and there.
- Let's just pretend it was
the first time you did it.
- But this was the first time
I did it at my own show.
- Okay.
- And I also just thought,
the sentimental part of me
is like, well,
we did a special thing,
like, that song's a duet.
People will say,
"Can't you do $1000000?"
And it's like, well,
it's more than just a song,
it's a duet, and it's a duet
that's so rooted in--
- Mm-hmm.
- In our, like
mine and Ed's sense of humour
bouncing off each other.
But to get to your question,
I honestly don't think
there's much of a chance
of a reunion.
We did, uh
they gave us the
inducted us
into the Canadian Music
Hall of Fame in 2018.
And basically,
part of the deal was
if you want this, we gotta
you gotta do a song together.
And, um, Ed called me
and was like,
"What do you wanna play?"
And I think he was bracing
for me to say, "I want to do one
of my solo songs!" Or whatever.
And I said, "I think we should
do 'One Week' and '$1000000'."
'Cause those are the two songs
a) those are the two songs
that I don't
wasn't doing in my set,
that I was kind of saving,
and they're both duets,
'cause to me,
in that era of the band at least
the band is defined by our two
personalities together.
And we did that
on the Juno Awards,
and it was awesome,
I thought it was great.
But I I think
I think they don't wanna do it.
I don't think they wanna
work with me.
Um
And I've had to kind of be okay
with that!
- Really? 'Cause it seems
like it would be a natural thing
to kind of, uh,
come back together.
- I love what I do more than
I've loved anything else
I've done before, like,
I feel the most comfortable
with it,
the most proud of it.
But, I know the legacy
of Barenaked Ladies,
I know what it means
to other people.
- Well, you know what? I believe
it'll happen someday, so.
(guitar music)
Until tomorrow ♪
The whole world is my home ♪
(Steven scatting)
- Nice, that's
that's awesome!
- Or do you like,
or do you like it?
(guitar strumming)
- There's a snake in the amp!
- Is that a milk snake?
- It's in the reverb--
- It's a baby milk snake.
- It's living in the reverb
tank!
- Imagine if this is an amp
that was down in like,
Texas or something, and it--
- Comes with snakes?
- Actually is a rattlesnake?
"You know there's
no rattlesnakes here!"
Forgetting this amp has been
on tour,
and a rattlesnake jumped into it
in Arizona or something?
- It's pretty big!
- It is pretty big.
- Oh, there's its head.
- Oh! It came right out!
- Grab him!
- There we go!
There we go. He came right out.
There we are.
- Do you like snakes?
Are you into snakes?
'Cause I even just touching
it like that is creeping me out.
I'm not into, I'm not into that.
- I do kind of like them,
I'm not somebody that like
- Look at his little face,
though, eh?
- carries them around
all the time, but--
- Oh! He's got the tongue
going out!
Like, it's the real thing!
How'd you make that work?
It looks so real, Tom!
The budget for this show
is insane, look at this!
- AI is getting so real!
- Yeah, it's the AI.
Look at that thing!
- Right on the camera!
It really likes electronics,
this snake.
Likes the amp. Hello, everybody!
Is that a snake in your amp,
or are you just happy
to see me?
- Check the OR,
you like it so far?
(laughing then stammering)
- Okay, it's gonna bite me,
let-let's go let it go,
let's go let it live now.
There you go.
There you go.
(bird cawing)
Bye-bye!
(tuning guitar)
- So I don't sing
the first chorus,
and my kind of first appearance
is the top of the second.
- So it builds, yeah.
- Yeah.
- Okay, cool. I love that,
I love that--
- We used to film that
in Scarborough often,
so it'd be like, "Oh, I can see
that that's Cedarbrook Park
they're filming that part in,"
or whatever.
- Yeah. And it was always
The Littlest Hobo was a dog,
and the dog would always
solve the crime
by finding the murder weapon,
and putting it in a handy,
nearby Adidas bag.
(laughing)
That had the handles
that were easy to grab.
(bright music)
- How are you? Hi, Charley!
Come on!
- You made it to the farm!
- I made it!
And it's beautiful!
Oh, my goodness!
- Thank you, thank you.
Welcome, welcome,
thanks for coming.
- Thank you! It's gorgeous here.
- That was fun the other day.
- That was super fun,
we were so happy to have
you guys,
everybody loved it.
- Yeah. Are the animals
still talking about it, or?
- They're still chatting
about it, yes.
- Great! Well, this is awesome,
welcome, welcome.
- Thank you!
- Thank you for coming.
There's four animals here,
this is Aria,
she's one year old.
- Aww, she's gorgeous!
- That's her mother, Alora,
who's in there,
and there's Kia.
- Okay.
- I haven't been seriously
injured
by one of my animals yet.
- That's good!
How many injuries have you had
at the Useless Farm?
- I've had a lot, probably
the worst one that I had was
when I got kicked by my pony.
She kicked me in the stomach,
and I went over
one of my ankles.
Broke my ankle, I had to go
for surgery on it.
- How many animals do you have?
- Four alpacas, four emus,
mini donkey, mini horse,
two sheep
a pony.
Twelve ducks, one goose,
four chickens.
- You grew up in the country?
- No, I grew up
in Winnipeg, Manitoba,
like, in the city, kind of
touch houses on either side.
Uh, moved out here, and, uh
with family, and yeah, just--
- Got a couple animals.
- Got a couple animals.
- All your animals have
human names?
- Yup. Well,
except for my one duck,
his name's Pencil.
- Pencil, okay.
- Yeah.
- That's true.
- When did you decide
to get a camera
and put your animals
on the internet?
- Of the big animals,
I got Doug, the mini donkey,
and Karen.
And so they were very much
what occupied my personal
social medias.
- Yeah.
- And I was like, you know what,
my friends are gonna be so sick
of seeing these animals,
so I'm just gonna start a page
for them.
- Yeah.
- And it just kind of started
from there.
- And then, when was the moment
that it went
Something went viral?
- Um, there's a popular
soundbite
that people use
for their animals everywhere,
where I was talking to Michael,
and I said, um,
"Oh, Michael, you poor,
sweet thing!"
"You don't have a thought behind
those eyes, do you?"
That really took off.
- Uh-huh.
- And it got to the point, like,
Michael Bublé had duetted it,
and, like, it was just,
just became kind of a
a running joke.
- I don't know if this is okay
to talk about,
but you make money off this, right?
- Yes, I do.
- Like, this is like,
people make money
when they have
when you have five million
followers on TikTok,
and millions of followers
on YouTube.
This is like a big, kind of a
this is real business, right?
- Yeah, it is!
So I actually don't make
any money on TikTok,
because we're in Canada,
we don't have the creator
program here.
Um, but I do make money
on YouTube and Facebook.
- Uh-huh. Do you ever try
to get attacked?
- No, no.
- No.
- It really, the only thing
I need to do with Karen,
is just basically, um,
walk by her.
- She just--
- That's enough to--
- Just existing is enough to--
- Just existing.
- Right. They lay eggs?
- They do lay eggs!
- And are their eggs massive?
- They're pretty big,
they're about this big,
and they're--
- Like the size of a grapefruit?
- Emerald green.
- And do you eat those?
- I don't.
- Like, you crack open
a giant egg
and make an omelette
out of one egg.
- You absolutely could.
- Do you sell it, or?
- No.
- What do you with them,
just chuck 'em?
- I-I have a bag full
of them in the barn.
- Could I get a couple
of those eggs?
- Absolutely.
- Could I eat them?
- Absolutely!
- Is it safe or is it unsafe?
- No, it's totally safe.
- It's totally normal to eat it.
- Totally normal to eat it.
- Do people eat emu eggs?
- Yup, I gave one to my delivery
guy the other day.
- The Amazon guy?
- UPS, yeah.
- UPS guy.
- Yeah.
So, I haven't seen him since,
though, full disclosure--
- Maybe he died.
- He might have died.
Maybe I'll wait until
I'll order something.
- Could've got salmonella
poisoning.
So the UPS guy asked
for one of your eggs?
- Yup.
- To eat?
- Yup.
- Actually asked for it to eat?
- Yup.
- That's weird.
- There's a lot of weird people
out there.
- Yeah.
(rhythmic music)
Isolation yeah ♪
Isolation ♪
Isolation ♪
Yeah ♪
Welcome to the funny farm ♪
I said I'm living here now ♪
In the funny farm ♪
I got a chicken over here ♪
In the funny farm ♪
I'm doing really good now ♪
In the funny farm ♪
I'm not crazy ♪
Nah I'm not crazy no ♪
I'm doing fine now yeah ♪
I'm doing fine
I swear to God ♪
Doing fine now ♪
I'm not crazy no ♪
I'm not crazy ♪
I'm just living
in a funny farm ♪
Welcome to the funny farm ♪
- Do you like the internet?
Is it like--
- I think it's useful, yes,
there are lots of things
I like about it.
- You like the internet.
- I love the exactly!
You got it, I love the internet!
That's, yes, that's perfect.
- It's such a
sort of double-edged sword
in a lot of ways,
though, right?
It was back in the 90s,
you had to work really,
really hard
just to get any sort of stage.
- Right. 'Cause you had
'Cause there were gatekeepers
who said, like,
"We're in charge of this,
of access to this stage."
And now, everybody has access,
but, the means of connecting
with an audience,
even though you might have
the channel to do it,
to find that audience
and have them find you is
it feels like it's impossible
sometimes.
My ambition
for the first half
of my career,
was always about how
how big can you get,
and how long can you sustain
that bigness, you know?
You hit those great, amazing
milestones, whatever,
sell out Madison Square Garden,
so, of course I'm proud of that.
And proud of, whatever,
playing the Royal Albert Hall,
or like, playing these kinds
of venues, but those
that's how you
how I measured my success,
pre-COVID.
Post-COVID, I realize like,
my success is about being able
to sustain a living that is
like, it pays the bills,
like, I have a
it's a very middle-class living
I make now,
but it's based on what I do
for my small,
but really dedicated,
group of fans,
and it's like, that's
I'm super proud of that.
- Yeah, it-it's a pretty awesome
thing to be able to just keep
keep doing this stuff,
after all these years.
- Yeah. That's the thing,
I think, that I've
and maybe it is the COVID stuff
that pushed me into that place
to kind of be able to be
truly grateful
for what I get to do, but, uh
it's you know,
look at what you've built here,
it's that same thing
of just being able to, like,
enjoy the thing you're doing
at the moment.
- Mm-hmm.
- That's a great gift.
- When I was a kid, I loved
David Letterman, and I
I dreamed of doing
a talk show someday,
and look, here we are
in a gazebo on a field.
(laughing)
- I wouldn't want it
anywhere else,
this is amazing!
- Yeah, no I just--
- I just want to see a bear
come out of the woods
while I'm sitting here
talking to you.
- There are a lot of bears here!
- I wouldn't doubt it.
- Yeah, there are a lot
of bears here,
I see them on the trail cams.
- I saw one at the camp,
we'd do this camp
at the Catskills,
I saw one there last week.
- Yeah.
- Terrifying.
- And so, the camp
at the Catskills.
- Mm-hmm.
- Is a music camp.
- Yeah, Steven Page
Summer Camp.
- And you do this every year, or?
- Hopefully. We've done it
twice, we're gonna
planning on another one
next year.
- That is so cool!
- Yeah.
There's concerts every night,
so Steven Page Trio,
or the Trans-Canada Highwaymen,
or you know,
other guests that I have come
and do concerts,
there's open mics, there's jams,
there's songwriting sessions.
- That is cool. I'd like to come
check that out.
- You should come next year.
- Yeah, that's amazing.
Steven, thank you so much
for coming,
hanging out in the gazebo
here with me!
- Anytime, Tom!
I would love to do this again.
- Yeah, anytime, anytime.
We will do, we will do it.
- Love it.
- Love it, man. Love you, man.
Thank you.
- Yes, sir.
- Awesome, awesome.
(guitar music)
Fanny, I have Steven Page here,
he's gonna sing for you guys.
Sing to the animals
Sing to the animals ♪
That's the kind of guy
that I'm not ♪
(laughing)
I sing to the animals
Sing to the animals ♪
Goddamn they scare me a lot ♪
Oh Kia ♪
I really wish
that I could be ya ♪
Just eating the grass and
showing my ass to the world ♪
- But see, Aria, I think,
really likes music, though.
- Yeah. I can tell.
(laughing)
Hello Miss Aria ♪
I had some diarrhea
earlier today ♪
Before I came ♪
I thought you would bite
my hand ♪
But I did not understand ♪
You were just trying to see
if I would move my hand away ♪
(laughing)
If I had a million dollars ♪
I'd buy you a house ♪
I would buy you a house ♪
And if I had
a million dollars ♪
If I had a million dollars ♪
I'd buy furniture
for your house ♪
Maybe a nice chesterfield
or an ottoman ♪
And if I had
a million dollars ♪
If I had a million dollars ♪
I'd buy you a K-Car ♪
A nice reliant automobile ♪
And if I had
a million dollars ♪
I'd buy your love ♪
If I had a million dollars ♪
I'd be rich ♪
- Hey!
- What do you think?
- She hung out
for the whole song!
- Yeah, pretty good!
Well, almost the whole song.
- Thank you, man.
That was so cool!
(Tom singing indistinctly)
There's Fanny.
- Hey, Fanny!
Aww, Fanny!
- Hey, Fanny.
Fanny.
- Fanny is a massive mule!
- Yeah. She's the largest
rideable mule in Canada.
- Oh, my God!
- Yup.
Oh! That's right,
this is a chicken.
See? It's a chicken.
I don't think she's ever seen
a chicken this close, see?
Yeah.
- Look at that!
- All the chickens are very
tame.
- Very chilled out!
- Yeah.
- Just relaxing--
- Is this normal or?
- I don't think so.
- Really?
- No. I think that
that's pretty pretty tame.
- Sometimes I put my chicken
on my head, too.
- Oh, my goodness! That's
That's a fashion accessory
if I've ever seen one!
- I've been working on it.
- Yeah.
- I work on little tricks.
(laughing)
Do you do that ever?
- Um, I can't say that
any of my animals
are smart enough to do anything
like that--
- Really? So is this not normal?
- Um, yeah.
This is iconic,
if I have to be honest with you.
- So it's not normal?
- I can't say I've ever
seen it before.
- I wouldn't say I practiced it,
but I do it a lot.
- Okay.
- I don't know,
I've bonded with these chickens.
- Yeah.
- I had a few that were
getting killed a lot.
- Yeah.
- Like, I mean, I had chickens,
the first set of chickens
were killed.
- Mm-hmm.
- By coyotes and a fox.
These chickens, I've got
a new system for them to be,
you know, kept away
from the predators.
- Yeah, for sure.
- And so I've gotten
to know them more.
But you dress your animals up, though.
- Yes. So, Stanley, my emu.
- Yeah.
- Loves getting dressed up.
- Really? I spend a lot
of time with my animals.
Is there some sort of
scientific explanation
for what it is that
it does to us
when we hang out with animals?
- I don't know what
the scientific term for it is,
but it will bring your stress
down, they'll definitely
make you forget about anything
that's going on.
- Do a lot of your viewers
- Mm-hmm.
- watching have animals
of their own?
Or are they people that would
like to have animals,
but don't, or is it both,
I guess?
- I think it's both, um,
a lot of people kind of live
as if this is
they live a farm life being able
to watch my stuff,
and they kind of fill their cup
that way.
- Like, I don't know,
I start to feel
the more time I spend
with the animals,
the more I feel kind of like
I'm almost an equal.
- Mm-hmm.
- We're equals.
- Just kind of in tune
with each other, for sure.
- Yeah.
The fox ate my chicken
and it really sucked ♪
My fox ate my chicken
and it really sucked ♪
And now I got
a fat fucking fox ♪
(knocking on door)
Hey, Steven!
- Tom Green!
- How are you, man?
- Great.
- Thanks for coming.
- Thanks for having me.
- Oh, my gosh!
- This is awesome.
(guitar strumming)
- So, I don't really know.
What are the chords, exactly?
- So we start in that little,
that's C
with a G on the very top.
- So then--
(guitar strumming)
- And then it goes--
(both): Keeps on calling me ♪
(humming)
Where I wanna be ♪
And a C ♪
Dah dah A minor ♪
And then it should be F.
(scatting)
- Okay, so those bar chords,
I'm new at, so.
- Just put your middle finger
on the G string.
- So that's an F.
- Yup.
- But, this is--
- That's also an F.
- That's an F.
I'll just do that one.
- Okay.
Maybe tomorrow we'll want
to settle G ♪
Until tomorrow I'll ♪
(scatting)
- Okay, okay.
Okay, let's try it. Yeah.
- One, two, three, four.
(Maybe Tomorrow performed
by Tom Green and Steven Page)
There's a voice
that keeps on calling me ♪
Down the road ♪
That's where I'll always be ♪
Every stop I make ♪
I make a new friend ♪
Can't stay for long
just turn around ♪
And I'm gone again ♪
Maybe tomorrow ♪
I'll wanna settle down ♪
Until tomorrow ♪
I'll just keep moving on ♪
Down this road ♪
That never seems to end ♪
When new adventure ♪
Lies just around the bend ♪
So if you wanna join me ♪
For a while ♪
Just grab your hat
we'll travel light ♪
That's hobo style ♪
Maybe tomorrow ♪
I'll wanna settle down ♪
Until tomorrow ♪
The whole world is my home ♪
There's a world ♪
That's waiting to unfold ♪
A brand new tale ♪
No one has ever told ♪
We've journeyed far ♪
But you know
it won't be long ♪
We're almost there
we've paid our fare ♪
With the hobo song ♪
Maybe tomorrow ♪
I'll find
what I'll call home ♪
Until tomorrow ♪
You know I'm free to roam ♪
(fiddle playing)
So if you wanna join me ♪
For a while ♪
Just grab your hat
we'll travel light ♪
That's hobo style ♪
Maybe tomorrow ♪
I'll wanna settle down ♪
Until tomorrow ♪
I'll just keep moving on ♪
Until tomorrow ♪
The whole world is my ♪
Home ♪
- Woohoo!
- Thank you, Steven Page!
- Thank you, Tom Green!
Nice!
- Hello, hello!
Oh, ow! Jeez! God!
Got me good!
- Oh, no!
- Hey, you got me, huh?
It's okay, didn't cut,
didn't break the skin, but--
- I heard it!
- Yeah, it's cool.
It was that was good.
Here we go. Mm-hmm.
(Tom humming)
Okay.
You ever eaten an emu egg
before?
- No, and I don't think
today's the day, either.
- You're not gonna eat it?
(laughing)
Wow!
It's a big frigging yolk,
isn't it?
Okay, wow, look at that.
Maybe a little salt and pepper
might be nice.
Salt.
Pepper.
Okay.
(cuckoo clock chimes)
(chuckling)
Love the new cuckoo clock.
Smells like an egg.
Though the egg white looks
kind of gross.
- It does!
(laughing)
It looks really gelatinous!
- Honestly, it makes me wanna
almost puke, looking at it.
It's not even cooking,
that part!
It's an emu egg,
that's an emu egg.
Wait, it's cooking more,
it's cooking more,
it's cooking now.
All right, well, I mean,
it's looking like an egg now.
Here, just a little piece.
- No, thank you!
- I'll go first then you go.
- No.
- You try that.
- I'm not.
- Come on.
- No!
- Just a little!
- You go.
- Try a little.
- No, you go.
- Try a little taste.
- No, not before our honeymoon.
(chuckling)
- Tastes like an egg.
- The texture looks soft
in your mouth,
it still looks jelly-like!
- The texture's weird.
I'll be right back,
I'll be right back.
Polka Dot Door Theme Song ♪
- Hi there! Hi, I can see ya,
right now.
I can see you.
And if you're watching, uh,
thanks for watching.
(soft guitar music)
I'm Tom Green,
this is the Tom Green Farm.
Useless Farm is one
of the most hilarious
TikTok pages, YouTube pages.
Millions and millions
of subscribers
and followers worldwide.
Amanda from Useless Farm
has an incredible farm
full of funny characters,
of the animal persuasion.
An emu named Karen,
which has got a worldwide
fanbase.
My wife Amanda and I pop by
Useless Farm
to meet Amanda
and Karen the Emu.
(guitar strumming)
(vocalizing)
It's been 30 years
I've known Steven Page.
The first time I ever performed
in a stadium
was opening
for the Barenaked Ladies
with my childhood rap group
Organized Rhyme.
I will test ya
from the west of ya ♪
Now you know that I'm better
than the best of ya ♪
We popped by the Bathouse,
which is the studio
of the legendary Tragically Hip.
We made a song or two together.
I've always been such a huge fan
of the Barenaked Ladies,
and it's very cool
that Steven Page
came out to the farm today.
The Tom Green Farm.
That's me, I'm Tom Green.
Let's go.
(theme song)
This is the Tom Green Farm ♪
It's not the Green Tom Farm ♪
This is my favourite farm ♪
Because it is my farm ♪
If this was your farm ♪
You'd probably like it more
than I did ♪
That's just because
it was your farm ♪
But it's not your farm ♪
It's the Tom Green Farm ♪
(guitar music)
All right. C'mon, Charley!
C'mon.
- Charley! C'mon.
- Hey, hey!
Hi, Charley!
- Come here.
- You got the outfit memo!
- Come on, Charley, come.
You're wearing overalls,
and you're both named Amanda!
- Yes, twins! Twinning!
- Amanda and Amanda.
With the overalls.
- And Charley!
- And Charley!
Hi, baby!
- Amazing. Congratulations!
- Welcome!
Ah! Thank you so much.
- This is the new farm.
- The new farm, yeah,
we're all getting settled
in here.
The emus are very excited
to see you guys.
- Well, let's go look. Let's go
look at what's going on.
- Come on in!
- This is amazing.
Thanks, thanks for having us.
- Oh, thank you for coming!
(guitar music)
- So you got a donkey?
We have a donkey.
- This is Doug.
- Charley, come!
- He is a very invasive species,
he wants to be with everybody.
- This is Doug. Okay, hi, Doug.
How are you, Doug?
So, Doug would not bite Charley?
- No, Doug is petrified
of everything.
Loves dogs.
So this is Glenn with two N's.
- Okay.
- That's Janet,
and that's Stanley,
and Karen is back there,
working on the fence.
- So when was it that Karen
sort of popped and became the--
- Karen has been a real delight
right from the very beginning.
I had posted some videos of her,
because she just
she has it out for me,
this girl.
Pretty well any time
I'm in the pen,
she will be attacking me.
- So if you went in there
right now, would she attack you?
- Yeah.
- She'll just run at ya, or?
- She'll just run, yeah.
She's a bit of a coward, though,
'cause it's usually
when I'm walking away,
she'll attack me.
- Okay.
- Waits till your back
is turned?
- Waits till your back is
yeah, you
Hi, Karen.
- There's Karen right there.
- And that's Stanley.
We got Stanley as a companion
for Karen,
because it's always better
to have
more than one of the same
species with them.
And then, I hatched
in an incubator
Janet and Glenn with two N's.
- Oh, wow.
- So they're actually
Stanley and Karen's children.
I don't know why I did that,
bring more evil into the world!
(hissing)
But they seem to be good,
so far.
- And do you think Karen
is kind of funny
'cause like people,
there's Karens, right?
People know about Karens.
- There is. Well, the thing is,
we named her Karen before
Karen was, like, a thing.
- Did it go more viral after
Karen became a thing?
- Oh, my goodness! Yup, yup.
- 'Cause that's kind of
part of the fun of it to me,
I think, like,
that's the funny thing
that everybody sees
these Karens on TikTok
screaming at everybody.
- Yeah!
- And now you got a Karen emu
attacking you,
and, of course,
her name's Karen.
- Karen.
Apparently, there's a group
on Facebook that is, like,
Karens United
Against Using Karen
- That's the most Karen thing
to do, by the way!
- Which is yeah!
- The fact that Karens would
unite.
- Yes!
- To be, like, the most Karen,
Karen thing possible.
- Most Karen behaviour ever!
- They'll bite, or?
- Oh, yeah!
- Oh, yeah, just, oh, yeah!
- Yup. Oh, yeah!
- If I put my hand there,
it would--
Oh, my God! She's such a psycho.
Hi, Doug. Look at Doug.
- Doug's so happy to see
everybody!
- Hi, Doug. Is Doug happy?
- He's really happy
that you're here.
- How can you tell Doug's happy?
- Well, if you crouch down
and get it from an angle!
- Oh, really?
- Yeah!
- Come here, Doug.
- I don't know if you wanna!
- I don't know if you wanna
see it from that angle!
- Hi, Doug. Oh, yeah.
Hello, Doug!
Oh, I see why Doug's happy,
okay!
- Doug's delighted
to see you guys.
- We'll get a close-up
of that later! Uh, hello!
(energetic music)
Gonna be good.
Oh, here's Steven.
Awesome!
(bird cawing)
- Hey!
- How are you, man?
- How's it going?
- Very good, very good.
Good to see ya!
- Hi, Charley!
Nice to see you,
how are you today?
- Oh, my God.
- How's it going?
- Good, good to see you, Steven,
thank you.
- Ugh, sweaty, come on!
- I'm sweaty, I'm sweaty.
It's Ontario in July.
(chuckling)
It's horsefly humidex.
- Yeah, it's intense.
- Yeah.
You know this
you know this part of the world.
- I live in this part
of the world.
Yeah, it's uh, we complain,
and then we miss it.
- Complaining about the heat,
and then winter comes.
And then it didn't seem
so bad.
- And we miss this.
- Yeah. I'm making
- I'm making a chicken
it's not their actual coop,
this is their
this is their day spa.
- Right. Like the chicken
tractor, right?
You put them in this,
and then they move, you know,
they kind of fertilize the area,
and then you move it around
somewhere else?
- Yeah, cause I had
they had their coop,
but then, you'll see their coop.
I'll show you their coop.
- Okay.
- But, uh, yeah the fox,
we had a fox issue,
so I wanna be able to let
I have guinea hens,
I wanna let the guinea hens out,
and then, uh
have somewhere
for the chickens to go.
- That's a good idea,
I used to have chickens,
and I have no more anymore,
thanks to the foxes.
- It's sad, eh?
- And the coyotes. And the owls.
- Owls, too.
- You have to be careful
of the top, they come
- Oh, yeah.
I gotta I wasn't even gonna
cover the top!
It's a deadly place out here.
- That's right!
It's a dog-eat-dog world,
except not Charley.
- It's tough being a chicken
in this world.
Last night, we were jamming,
you let me come up
and play with you
at your show in Peterborough.
If I had a million dollars ♪
I'd build a tree fort
in our yard ♪
And if I had
a million dollars ♪
You could help
it wouldn't be that hard ♪
And if I had
a million dollars ♪
Maybe we could put
like a little tiny fridge ♪
In there somewhere ♪
- And we could put some sausages
in there?
- Sure! Little, tiny sausages
in the little, tiny fridge!
- Like, some, "Daddy,
would you like some sausages?"
- "Daddy would love
some sausages!"
- Some "Daddy, would you like
some sausages?"
(cheering)
Okay!
- 10,000 screaming fans.
- It was awesome.
- Excited to see us,
it was awesome, it was great.
- What a show, outdoor show.
I got to, uh, surprise them
at the end.
- They didn't have video screens
or anything else,
you never know
if they're actually gonna know
who, like, there's a little
stick figure on stage.
But they knew right away,
as soon as you came out
and I wasn't even on stage yet,
they knew who that was.
- It was like my limp
or something, I don't know.
(laughing)
Okay cool, well, I'm gonna
You've not been here before.
- I have not.
- I wanna give you a little tour
around and we'll hang out today.
Yeah, let's go look around.
- All right.
- We'll do this later,
we'll do this later.
- All right.
- Cool.
Hop in this thing.
Charley, come on!
- Sweet ride.
- Yeah!
Come on, Charley, jump up.
Oh yeah!
- This is beautiful!
- Settled in,
I'm four years here now.
- Amazing.
- Chickens.
- Oh, I see the guinea hens
there, too.
- Yeah, they're cool.
They eat ticks.
- Right.
- Yeah, this is one
of the fields.
This is where we'll do
a little podcast later.
- Sweet.
- Yeah, this is like a swamp
back here.
I have a swamp shack back here
that I built.
- Swamp shack, baby! Yeah.
- But it just keeps going,
it's amazing!
- Yeah, this is the lake here.
- Holy shit, so a real lake!
- Yeah, we got the lake here.
- That's amazing!
- Yeah.
- It's--
- This is where we are, Steven,
this is where we are.
- Amazing.
- Back home in Ontario, eh?
Gettin' 'er done!
- Give us a place to stand
and a place to grow, right?
- Yeah.
- You know the song.
- What song is that, again?
- It's the Ontario, like,
theme song, or whatever--
- Oh, I remember that.
- Yeah.
- But I only remember
Ontari-ari-ario
comes to Becker's.
- Oh!
- That was probably a spinoff
of the original song.
- I'm sure it probably was.
- Becker's was big, too.
- Becker's was big if you wanted
to get, like,
a returnable, refillable,
big jug of milk.
Remember those plastic jugs
of milk? And then
somebody would return it,
and it would have, like,
they would have put gas in it?
And you'd get this faint smell
of gas in your milk bottle?
- I don't remember that,
that is amazing!
This must be why they moved
to milk bags in Canada.
- I think so, yeah.
- That must be why they moved
to milk bags,
something that nobody
in the world understands.
- It's like, and I think
it's only in Eastern Canada,
like, it's not even in the West,
they don't have milk bags.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- It's certainly why we had
the milk bags in our house,
our parents wouldn't get
the refillable things,
'cause they were nervous
that there'd be gasoline
or something like that
in there, and this way,
we just had those clean bags
of milk.
- Sealed.
- Yeah.
- You can be
you can trust it.
That really narrows down why,
that's the why for the milk
bags.
- But it's also,
it's less waste, right?
In the bag, there's, like,
just this thin, plastic bag.
And you get this
you just snip the corner,
it is ingenious.
- Yeah!
- And then, you could also like,
fill
fill a trenchcoat
with bags of milk.
- Right, absolutely.
- I don't know--
- And squirt them on Glen.
- Yeah, release them--
- Squirt them on Glen Humplick,
on your public access show!
- That's right!
(guitar music)
- Oh, this is nice.
This is lettuce, some lettuce.
- Some nice, Romaine lettuce.
- Wait, who are these guys
all of a sudden? What the heck?
- Oh, so this is Curtis.
- Hey Curtis.
How you doing, Curtis?
- Yeah, look at his fluffy bum!
- Oh my God, look at Curtis.
Hello, Curtis!
How are you doing?
Hello, Curtis! Oh!
- Karen's coming in for a bite.
- There's Karen, there's Karen.
- And it's just ama--
(spitting)
what the fuck is that?
What was that?
- They're spitting!
- There you go. Oh, wow, look.
That is a Jurassic Park!
Can you overfeed 'em, or?
- Uh, I haven't yet, so--
- Okay!
- They're, they're pretty
- Okay.
- They'll stop when they--
- Wow. Okay!
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, wow!
What's going on?
Okay! There you go, buddy.
Hey, how are ya?
How many million people watch?
- I have five million people
on TikTok,
a million on Instagram.
- So, millions and millions
of people.
- Yeah!
- Regularly tuning in
to all the craziness going on--
- Watching the train wreck!
- At Useless Farm.
- Yeah.
- We shot a TikTok video,
I went down
to Syracuse, New York,
to do standup comedy.
All the wait staff and the
bartenders and everybody, like,
came running up to me
as soon as I got there,
were all excited to see me,
I was like,
"Oh this is cool, man,
I still got it."
They're like, "You were
on Useless Farm!"
(laughing)
Okay.
(guitar music)
It's like, it's one of those,
ketchup chips never made it down
in the US either.
- But there are Americans
who are like,
"If you go to Canada,
get me some ketchup chips!"
But no American says,
"When you go to Canada,
bring me some milk bags!"
I think it's very advanced,
and I think,
but I think Americans come
to Canada and they see that,
and it feels kind of uh,
it-it feels, um
like it's out of time,
like it's some relic
of the 1960s.
- Yeah.
- Or, maybe it's
it's the future.
- Oh, my gosh, that answers
that lifelong question I've had
of why do we get them
in the milk bags?
(laughing)
Sorry to put you to work
right off the bat--
- Oh, you know I'm a real,
uh
farm hand by trade.
- This is, uh
This is kind of an exciting day
for me, though.
To get the chickens out
and about again, 'cause
the fox really came in, and
did a number on three of them.
Patsy, Loretta and Shania.
- Oh, don't name them!
- Yeah, they bit the dust!
- If you name your chickens--
- Oh, yeah, they're one, two,
three, four, five and six now,
but before it was Patsy,
Shania, Loretta,
Dolly, June and Anne.
(laughing)
Get this up here
to the coop up here,
and uh, that'll be good.
- How is it for coyotes here?
- Lot of coyotes here.
Wolves, actually.
- Oh, really? Well, like
a lot of the ones we have down
by us are these coywolves.
- Yeah.
- So they're kind of
half-coyote, half-wolf.
- Absolutely, yeah. No, I think
we got that shit, too.
We'll just set it right there.
(guinea hens chirping)
- Look at those guys, huh?
- Those are the guinea hens,
and the chickens.
- They're bigger than I imagined
a guinea hen to be,
that's a good size.
- So, the idea is,
I'm not gonna let the chickens
free range anymore,
they're gonna go in various
places around on this.
But the guinea hens, they fly up
onto the roof to the barn,
and they can avoid this.
Chicken in the tractor.
(playful music)
- The guineas are being operated
by Frank Oz right now.
(laughing)
(guinea hens chirping)
With the help of Industrial
Light & Magic!
(laughing)
- There you go, there you go.
There you go.
It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.
- Is that it,
three chickens now?
- That's just down to three.
- Oof.
It just dawned on me
who your guinea hens
look like to me.
Heath Ledger
in the Batman movie.
(laughing)
Okay, chicks.
- Yeah, this is confusing
for them.
It's confusing for Charley, too.
Well, we'll use this
as the transporter,
and then we'll move this and
we'll put 'em
We wanna get 'em in the shade.
There you go.
(chickens clucking)
No, Charley! Charley kills one
right in front of us.
There we go. Oh!
That was surprisingly effective!
Okay.
This will work!
It's okay, guys,
everything's fine.
This is the new reality here.
Okay. All right, we did it.
There you go, one for you.
(chickens clucking)
There you go. There you go.
There you go.
And we'll get some water
in there for them.
Thank you, Steven.
- Yeah.
- Excuse me, Curtis.
- Mm-hmm.
- Hi, Glenn!
- Okay. That looks fun!
- Stanley.
(emu grunts)
Come on, Karen.
- It sounds like a cow!
Is that Karen to your right?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, you can see Karen
sort of gearing up to attack, huh?
- She yeah.
- Am I able to come in here, or?
- Yeah!
- Is it safe for me?
- Oh, no. But
(laughing)
- Wow. Okay, there we go.
They seem to be alerted.
(laughing)
Okay. Oh, there we go,
this is
this is what I'm oh,
this is what I'm talking about!
What? Stanley's cool, or?
- Oh, yeah!
- Hello! Hello, hello.
No, no, no, no! Hi there.
Hi! That doesn't seem very--
(horse squealing)
What the hell was that sound?
- Robert?
- Robert Fisch would
really like to be in there
with Lucy right now.
- Look at that horse,
look at the horse over there.
- Come here!
- Curtis, here you go,
here you go.
There you go.
- Just an absolute--
- That's a good haircut,
that's a great haircut,
hey! Whoa!
- Incredible!
- Is it am I chasing it, or?
(laughing)
- They're more kissers
than huggers,
they're more like--
- Charley!
- Oh! There's Stanley!
- Ooh! That scared the crap
out of me!
Like, who is the
in charge animal here?
- That would be Robert Fisch,
right coming up here.
- This little horse here?
- The littlest horse.
- Is in charge of all
the animals?
- Is in charge of all of them.
Everybody is absolutely
petrified of him.
- This little guy is in charge
of everybody?
- Everybody.
- It's like he knows,
he's coming over, he said,
"Me? You talking about me?"
- "You're talking about me?"
- You're Robert Fisch?
This is Robert Fisch here?
- He's never kicked me.
Now, Lucy's kicked me,
I got a broken leg from her.
- Wow, a broken leg?
- Yeah, that was--
- Which one's Lucy again?
- Lucy's in there,
and that's why
she's just a little bit
miserable today, so she's--
- Oh, yeah.
A little horse like that
can still break your leg.
- Yup.
- Imagine what Fanny could do
to me.
- Oh, man! Yeah.
- Hey, hello!
- Hey, Curtis!
- Hello there. Oh, no!
(laughing)
This is this is Robert Fisch.
- Yup.
- Robert Fisch is still
a little kind of
Hello! Hello there!
- He's a magic stallion!
- Hello! Do they like
running around, or?
Is it okay to run with them
like this?
- Oh, yeah!
- Come on!
Come on! Robert!
Come here, Robert!
(emu grunts)
Wait! Wait!
And fast, little Robert, huh?
- Yup!
- Couldn't even catch ya!
- Pretty impressive
for one horsepower.
- I'm out of breath, here!
- You might be.
(exhaling)
(energetic music)
We've known each other
for a long time,
1992 or something like that.
- Yeah. I would say
probably, '92, yeah.
- Was that your second album
that was out in '92?
- First album.
- Is that the set?
- It was Gordon,
so it was our first
kind of proper studio album.
We had the five-song cassette
before that in '91.
And then, '92 we got signed
to Sire Records,
and put out our first
real album.
- So, yeah, that's what I meant.
I was like,
the cassette was the first album
to me, you know?
- Yeah, for the diehards.
- With "If I Had $1000000"
on it.
Right, I was talking to your dad
about that last night,
about the cassette
and how that all went down.
- Well, we had made
previous tapes,
like, just on a four-track
cassette recorder,
in my parents' basement,
or Ed's parents' basement.
But then we were gonna go down
to South By Southwest,
in 1991, and we thought,
"Well, we should probably make
a better demo tape,
the one that sounds
like how we sound now."
We had a drummer now,
Tyler was playing drums.
Studio time was expensive,
and studios in Toronto back then
particularly did not really like
music artists coming in, like,
they were largely trying
to keep their studios clear
for, like, jingles, and TV
and film work and--
- Oh, really?
- Oh yeah, they were not
they didn't like
rock bands coming in.
- Ain't that weird?
Recording studios didn't like
musical artists coming in!
- Well, if it was some,
you know, big band jazz thing
who were coming, that's great.
But it was a very
it was kind of a very
old-fashioned,
kind of uptight world.
- Mm-hmm.
- So, we found this one studio,
where we could rent it
from 11PM to 7AM.
- Mm-hmm.
- It was cheaper that way.
We bought one reel of tape,
which is about
20 minutes of tape,
and recorded all night,
and up to like,
we finished with, um,
"Fight The Power"
by Public Enemy,
Because we had one minute
of tape left,
and we didn't wanna waste it.
So we just played the song
until the tape ran out.
- Yeah, yeah.
- And then, we just put
the same five songs
on both sides of the cassette,
'cause it was like a demo
we were gonna hand out
at South By Southwest.
We went down
to South By Southwest,
which we were not invited to,
there's a Canadian showcase,
and none of the Canadian labels
liked us.
They all thought we were,
like, a novelty group,
flat, embarrassing!
And again, it's 'cause
Canadian labels at that time
they were afraid of everything.
Like, they wanted things
that looked or sounded like
- American?
- American or British bands
that already existed.
- Uh-huh.
- Um, and we were just so
just like,
on purpose, we were so uncool.
- Uh-huh.
- That it embarrassed them.
So we were like,
"Hey, we wanna do
the Canadian showcase."
They said, "Oh, no, no,
we're we're full."
But we said, "Okay, great,
we'll see you down there."
And we just loaded into
a minivan
and then drove down to Austin,
with a double bass strapped
to the roof of the minivan.
And, uh, and we just busked
on the street,
like we would always do
in Toronto, too.
And, uh, you know, gave out
our tapes, wherever we could.
And then, one of the Canadian
bands on the showcase
got stopped at the border
and had the wrong paperwork
or whatever,
and couldn't get across
the border,
so they ran out into the street
and said,
"Could you guys play a set?"
And we're like, "Yup!"
We were always prepared to do
that kind of thing,
that's the kind of thing we did.
We got home from that trip,
we still had a, you know,
a bag full of tapes,
so we started selling them
off the stage,
and things were really starting
to blow up for us in Toronto
at that point, and just
across Canada in general.
So we started getting
we got a call
from Sam the Record Man,
the big record store
in downtown Toronto,
saying, "We've had people asking
for the Barenaked Ladies tape,
could you we'll sell it
for you on consignment,
if you wanna bring some down."
So you know,
we brought ten down,
and then like two days later,
they were gone.
They said, "Can you bring us,
like, a full box?"
So, get a full box made,
but we couldn't
we realized we couldn't afford
to get them all duplicated.
Like, that was like, too much
of a cash outlay for us,
we're making $200 a gig,
or whatever else, and uh
splitting that five ways.
And we were starting
to get calls
from shops outside of Toronto.
So that's when my dad said,
my dad
he was not an entrepreneur
by trade,
he was a schoolteacher.
- Mm-hmm.
- But he said,
"Look, why don't I
foot the bill for this,
and I'll take a cut."
- Mm-hmm.
- And I think he never
really expected
it was gonna grow,
but it was his way of being able
to kind of
support our ambition.
And then he started dealing
with actually shipping them
to the distributors,
and to the record stores,
and that kind of thing.
And it just blew up.
This five-song cassette
went gold in Canada,
which was, at that point,
it was 50,000 copies,
we sold 85,000 copies
of this thing at, uh--
- And that's indie, so that--
- Totally.
- Nobody was taking a cut,
other than your dad.
- That's right!
He was making it!
So, it turned into
this whole kind of business,
where other bands came to us,
and said, "How did you guys
do this?"
And we directed them to my dad,
my dad ended up having
for probably about 10 years,
a distribution company
specializing in indie artists.
- It was a yellow cover.
- Yup.
- And was it like a flower
on it, or?
- It was a flower growing,
like, coming out of a sandwich.
- I guess the thing
that is sort of, uh
kind of amazing about it
is that was probably
the first sort of
viral indie thing
that I recognized seeing
as a kid.
Viral. It was before
the internet.
- Sure.
- We grew up in a world
before the internet.
- Do you remember the
the Speaker's Corner thing
that we did? Like, you know,
MuchMusic/CityTV in Toronto
used to have--
- Yeah, I remember
Speaker's Corner.
I'm sure I've seen you
on that, yeah.
- Hi! We're Barenaked Ladies,
and we're a little too cheap
to make our own video,
so here you go!
- One, two, three, go!
(guitar strumming)
You can be my Yoko Ono ♪
You can follow me ♪
Wherever I go ♪
- So that was like,
one of the first things
that really blew up for us.
It was right around
that same time
where we went into, um
into the booth,
and we'd cut down,
'cause you had to get
one minute, or something,
or two minutes, for a loonie.
- Mm-hmm.
- Put the dollar coin in the
in the slot,
and then you can have
two minutes to film your rant,
or whatever it was.
And we did a cut-down version
of "Be My Yoko Ono,"
sang it, all five of us crammed
into this booth,
and then, uh, we got a call
from MuchMusic saying,
"This is like
we've been dreaming
for somebody to do this.
Nobody had done it before.
And so, they actually put
that into rotation
on their channel.
- Okay, yeah.
- Which they'd never
done before,
and we didn't have a video,
so that became kind of our video
for that song, at that point.
And that was like,
I look at how things blow up
on TikTok, for example, now,
and it's like, that's
if we if I was 18 now
and starting a band,
I think Ed and I would have
so much fun with that medium.
(banjo music)
(Tom): Oh, wow, are they playing
the piano?
(chuckling)
Why do they play the piano?
- They're just kind of musically
inclined, um--
- Look at them!
- Although I'm sure they could
use a lesson or two.
- So which animal have you had
the longest?
- It would be Doug.
- Doug.
- For sure.
- Doug the OG.
- The OG!
- Yeah, he started it all.
- Piano star!
- You're food-driven, huh?
Me too!
(laughing)
I found Useless Farm
during the pandemic, actually.
I just couldn't get
enough of it.
- A lot of people had
a hard time during that time,
and it was nice to just, uh
just get your mind off of it
and watch this train wreck.
So that's amazing!
(laughing)
Oh, my!
- And how old is Karen?
- So, Karen, we believe
is about
she'd be about 11 or 12 now.
- Oh! She's in double digits!
- She's in the double digits.
(whistling)
- There's a whole rabbit hole
you can go down on this thing.
And the snippets--
- Do your own research.
- The snippets were big, too.
The snippers?
- Yes.
- That was my era when
that came, 'cause I remember
that being an innovation.
- You'd have to have
a pair of scissors in the drawer
first to snip the corner.
- And you could never find
the scissors!
- But then someone invented
this little
this little hook thing,
with a little
like a little blade in it.
It'd hang off the side
of your milk jug,
or magnetize to your fridge.
- Yeah.
And I remember it being
an innovation,
'cause do you remember
you wouldn't be able to find
the scissors,
so you'd grab a steak knife
and you'd do this.
- And then, you'd have this,
like, raggedy plastic,
and then you'd pour the milk,
and the milk would go
everywhere!
- If nobody's looking,
you'd bend and bite the end off?
- Yeah, and the milk would shoot
in all directions.
- That's right.
- That was a big problem
back then as a kid.
(soft music)
What year did, did the band
did you leave the band?
- 2009.
- Okay.
You wanna talk about that, or?
- I don't mind.
- Why did that happen?
- Like, the short answer is
we didn't want to be around
each other anymore.
- Right.
- Which, like
You know, I got divorced.
I split with my first wife
in 2007.
And I had three young kids
at the time, I mean,
they're three grown adults now,
um, but uh
but that was a lot.
And I realize
when that happened,
I didn't I was 37,
but I didn't know
how to be an adult.
I'd moved out of my mom's house
into my wife's house, like
I always had a tour manager
to take care of me on the road.
Uh, had a new partner,
who was much younger than me.
And we were just trying
to negotiate how to live life,
it took us a lot of time.
Um, so that was one thing,
and then
I got arrested
for drug possession.
- Mm-hmm.
- And that was a huge deal,
I mean, it was
a big scandal in the press,
particularly in Canada.
- Mm-hmm.
- Um, and I think, you know,
it was definitely embarrassing
for me,
but it was really embarrassing
for the other guys.
- Paul McCartney got arrested
for drug possession.
- Well, that's it!
Yeah, exactly!
I think what it was,
what people felt like,
somehow it made me a phony,
like, I had been selling them
a bill of goods about being--
- 'Cause you guys had
a squeaky clean image.
- People like to see
the downfall
of somebody who looks like
they've got it all together.
I understand that now,
much better.
More than anything,
most importantly,
it was trying to, like,
maintain a relationship
with my kids, learn how to
navigate that stuff,
figure out immigration stuff,
like, what did this
what does this do for
our touring propositions?
- Mm-hmm.
- We would go to do a gig,
let's say we were flying
to do a corporate gig
in Orlando, or you know,
something like that.
They could fly from Toronto
to Orlando,
I'd have to, like, drive
to the Peace Bridge in Buffalo,
and get paroled into
the United States.
- Mm-hmm.
- And then, um
and then fly from Buffalo
to Orlando,
and I'd show up and we'd do
the gig together,
and then we would leave
separately.
So it was almost a year
of us travelling to gigs
separately from each other,
and eventually,
you kind of realize you're not
in the same band anymore.
The charges were eventually
dropped, and, uh
but I also did a whole bunch
of kind of rehab type stuff,
and went into therapies,
quite seriously
for the first time.
While that happens,
you're changing, right?
And like, the guys you were
18 with, when you're starting,
uh, you have a lot less
in common with them.
But it seems like,
"Okay, well, here we go,
I'm gonna go embark
on my solo career now,"
you know, they can be,
uh, Genesis,
and I can be Peter Gabriel,
and like, you know,
both have our own careers
and be equally big,
and it doesn't work that way.
It didn't work that way for me,
and that was a big shock.
I think I just thought
I could kind of pick up
where I was and just do
a solo version of that.
I think what also happened
in the group creatively,
was like not only,
you know,
for the first chunk
of our career,
even though we were both
lead singers,
I was I sang lead
on more songs.
- Mm-hmm.
- And wrote or co-wrote
more songs, like,
I was kind of more prominent.
And then our biggest hit
came along,
"One Week," that Ed wrote.
- Mm-hmm.
- We both sang it, um,
it became kind of like
I think everybody kind of
got the sense,
"Oh, he writes the hits."
- Yeah.
Cause it was a rap song, more.
- Yeah.
- Kind of a sort of a rap
hybrid type song.
- Yeah, rap rock.
- Chip chip lady chocolate,
the chine, which is kind of
a Busta Rhymes.
- Exactly, it was a tribute
to Busta Rhymes--
- Busta, yeah.
- Some people, like,
they discover it later
and they go, "Hey!
They ripped him off!"
But we were actually able
to see
we saw him in the lobby
of a hotel,
right before the album came out,
and we're like,
"We wrote a song,
it's a tribute to you!"
And he was like,
he was very excited about it.
- Yeah, yeah. It's hard, too,
like
probably some competitiveness, right?
When you're in a band
with another two lead singers?
It's not normal to have
two lead singers
in most rock bands.
- Right.
- I was in a rap group,
so we had two
Greg and I, we're
I think we were probably
competitive with each other.
Greg went solo at one point,
he decided to go solo,
so, okay, shit! I went back
to school,
studied broadcasting
at Algonquin
and started a TV show, you know?
So, you know, it worked out.
Because it's like,
the harmonization,
the way you guys
layered over each other,
I mean, it just it made,
it's the sound
of the Barenaked Ladies--
- And I'm sure, I know that
there are fans who are like,
you know, who--
- It's the way your voice
and Ed's voice
Because we did
"If I Had $1000000" yesterday.
- It was awesome.
- And I did
I guess I did Ed's part, right?
- Yup!
- But see, like--
- The way it layers together,
it becomes what the sound is,
so is there any chance you think
that you ever
Would the Barenaked Ladies
ever get back together?
- Well, I mean, uh
the first thing I think
about with that song,
like, the way it's sung,
with like
one guy sings one part,
the other guy sings the other,
that's exactly how it was
written. Like, you know,
Ed had kind of written
his part of the song
and played it to me one day,
he's like, "I wrote this song."
And I just started echoing
his lines,
with the lines that I sing,
and that kind of turned it
into the song it is.
And it kind of defines
our writing partnership,
and also kind of our vocal
partnership.
- It's a bit like rap.
So it's the combination
of the two,
it's just incredible.
- Yeah.
A song like that, I honestly,
and I was joking about it
last night
that I don't do it
as part of my set,
but I literally have not
done it for years.
- Really?
- Because I felt like--
- Is that ever cool! I did not
know that when we did that.
- I just started doing it,
I've done it at a few gigs
here and there.
- Let's just pretend it was
the first time you did it.
- But this was the first time
I did it at my own show.
- Okay.
- And I also just thought,
the sentimental part of me
is like, well,
we did a special thing,
like, that song's a duet.
People will say,
"Can't you do $1000000?"
And it's like, well,
it's more than just a song,
it's a duet, and it's a duet
that's so rooted in--
- Mm-hmm.
- In our, like
mine and Ed's sense of humour
bouncing off each other.
But to get to your question,
I honestly don't think
there's much of a chance
of a reunion.
We did, uh
they gave us the
inducted us
into the Canadian Music
Hall of Fame in 2018.
And basically,
part of the deal was
if you want this, we gotta
you gotta do a song together.
And, um, Ed called me
and was like,
"What do you wanna play?"
And I think he was bracing
for me to say, "I want to do one
of my solo songs!" Or whatever.
And I said, "I think we should
do 'One Week' and '$1000000'."
'Cause those are the two songs
a) those are the two songs
that I don't
wasn't doing in my set,
that I was kind of saving,
and they're both duets,
'cause to me,
in that era of the band at least
the band is defined by our two
personalities together.
And we did that
on the Juno Awards,
and it was awesome,
I thought it was great.
But I I think
I think they don't wanna do it.
I don't think they wanna
work with me.
Um
And I've had to kind of be okay
with that!
- Really? 'Cause it seems
like it would be a natural thing
to kind of, uh,
come back together.
- I love what I do more than
I've loved anything else
I've done before, like,
I feel the most comfortable
with it,
the most proud of it.
But, I know the legacy
of Barenaked Ladies,
I know what it means
to other people.
- Well, you know what? I believe
it'll happen someday, so.
(guitar music)
Until tomorrow ♪
The whole world is my home ♪
(Steven scatting)
- Nice, that's
that's awesome!
- Or do you like,
or do you like it?
(guitar strumming)
- There's a snake in the amp!
- Is that a milk snake?
- It's in the reverb--
- It's a baby milk snake.
- It's living in the reverb
tank!
- Imagine if this is an amp
that was down in like,
Texas or something, and it--
- Comes with snakes?
- Actually is a rattlesnake?
"You know there's
no rattlesnakes here!"
Forgetting this amp has been
on tour,
and a rattlesnake jumped into it
in Arizona or something?
- It's pretty big!
- It is pretty big.
- Oh, there's its head.
- Oh! It came right out!
- Grab him!
- There we go!
There we go. He came right out.
There we are.
- Do you like snakes?
Are you into snakes?
'Cause I even just touching
it like that is creeping me out.
I'm not into, I'm not into that.
- I do kind of like them,
I'm not somebody that like
- Look at his little face,
though, eh?
- carries them around
all the time, but--
- Oh! He's got the tongue
going out!
Like, it's the real thing!
How'd you make that work?
It looks so real, Tom!
The budget for this show
is insane, look at this!
- AI is getting so real!
- Yeah, it's the AI.
Look at that thing!
- Right on the camera!
It really likes electronics,
this snake.
Likes the amp. Hello, everybody!
Is that a snake in your amp,
or are you just happy
to see me?
- Check the OR,
you like it so far?
(laughing then stammering)
- Okay, it's gonna bite me,
let-let's go let it go,
let's go let it live now.
There you go.
There you go.
(bird cawing)
Bye-bye!
(tuning guitar)
- So I don't sing
the first chorus,
and my kind of first appearance
is the top of the second.
- So it builds, yeah.
- Yeah.
- Okay, cool. I love that,
I love that--
- We used to film that
in Scarborough often,
so it'd be like, "Oh, I can see
that that's Cedarbrook Park
they're filming that part in,"
or whatever.
- Yeah. And it was always
The Littlest Hobo was a dog,
and the dog would always
solve the crime
by finding the murder weapon,
and putting it in a handy,
nearby Adidas bag.
(laughing)
That had the handles
that were easy to grab.
(bright music)
- How are you? Hi, Charley!
Come on!
- You made it to the farm!
- I made it!
And it's beautiful!
Oh, my goodness!
- Thank you, thank you.
Welcome, welcome,
thanks for coming.
- Thank you! It's gorgeous here.
- That was fun the other day.
- That was super fun,
we were so happy to have
you guys,
everybody loved it.
- Yeah. Are the animals
still talking about it, or?
- They're still chatting
about it, yes.
- Great! Well, this is awesome,
welcome, welcome.
- Thank you!
- Thank you for coming.
There's four animals here,
this is Aria,
she's one year old.
- Aww, she's gorgeous!
- That's her mother, Alora,
who's in there,
and there's Kia.
- Okay.
- I haven't been seriously
injured
by one of my animals yet.
- That's good!
How many injuries have you had
at the Useless Farm?
- I've had a lot, probably
the worst one that I had was
when I got kicked by my pony.
She kicked me in the stomach,
and I went over
one of my ankles.
Broke my ankle, I had to go
for surgery on it.
- How many animals do you have?
- Four alpacas, four emus,
mini donkey, mini horse,
two sheep
a pony.
Twelve ducks, one goose,
four chickens.
- You grew up in the country?
- No, I grew up
in Winnipeg, Manitoba,
like, in the city, kind of
touch houses on either side.
Uh, moved out here, and, uh
with family, and yeah, just--
- Got a couple animals.
- Got a couple animals.
- All your animals have
human names?
- Yup. Well,
except for my one duck,
his name's Pencil.
- Pencil, okay.
- Yeah.
- That's true.
- When did you decide
to get a camera
and put your animals
on the internet?
- Of the big animals,
I got Doug, the mini donkey,
and Karen.
And so they were very much
what occupied my personal
social medias.
- Yeah.
- And I was like, you know what,
my friends are gonna be so sick
of seeing these animals,
so I'm just gonna start a page
for them.
- Yeah.
- And it just kind of started
from there.
- And then, when was the moment
that it went
Something went viral?
- Um, there's a popular
soundbite
that people use
for their animals everywhere,
where I was talking to Michael,
and I said, um,
"Oh, Michael, you poor,
sweet thing!"
"You don't have a thought behind
those eyes, do you?"
That really took off.
- Uh-huh.
- And it got to the point, like,
Michael Bublé had duetted it,
and, like, it was just,
just became kind of a
a running joke.
- I don't know if this is okay
to talk about,
but you make money off this, right?
- Yes, I do.
- Like, this is like,
people make money
when they have
when you have five million
followers on TikTok,
and millions of followers
on YouTube.
This is like a big, kind of a
this is real business, right?
- Yeah, it is!
So I actually don't make
any money on TikTok,
because we're in Canada,
we don't have the creator
program here.
Um, but I do make money
on YouTube and Facebook.
- Uh-huh. Do you ever try
to get attacked?
- No, no.
- No.
- It really, the only thing
I need to do with Karen,
is just basically, um,
walk by her.
- She just--
- That's enough to--
- Just existing is enough to--
- Just existing.
- Right. They lay eggs?
- They do lay eggs!
- And are their eggs massive?
- They're pretty big,
they're about this big,
and they're--
- Like the size of a grapefruit?
- Emerald green.
- And do you eat those?
- I don't.
- Like, you crack open
a giant egg
and make an omelette
out of one egg.
- You absolutely could.
- Do you sell it, or?
- No.
- What do you with them,
just chuck 'em?
- I-I have a bag full
of them in the barn.
- Could I get a couple
of those eggs?
- Absolutely.
- Could I eat them?
- Absolutely!
- Is it safe or is it unsafe?
- No, it's totally safe.
- It's totally normal to eat it.
- Totally normal to eat it.
- Do people eat emu eggs?
- Yup, I gave one to my delivery
guy the other day.
- The Amazon guy?
- UPS, yeah.
- UPS guy.
- Yeah.
So, I haven't seen him since,
though, full disclosure--
- Maybe he died.
- He might have died.
Maybe I'll wait until
I'll order something.
- Could've got salmonella
poisoning.
So the UPS guy asked
for one of your eggs?
- Yup.
- To eat?
- Yup.
- Actually asked for it to eat?
- Yup.
- That's weird.
- There's a lot of weird people
out there.
- Yeah.
(rhythmic music)
Isolation yeah ♪
Isolation ♪
Isolation ♪
Yeah ♪
Welcome to the funny farm ♪
I said I'm living here now ♪
In the funny farm ♪
I got a chicken over here ♪
In the funny farm ♪
I'm doing really good now ♪
In the funny farm ♪
I'm not crazy ♪
Nah I'm not crazy no ♪
I'm doing fine now yeah ♪
I'm doing fine
I swear to God ♪
Doing fine now ♪
I'm not crazy no ♪
I'm not crazy ♪
I'm just living
in a funny farm ♪
Welcome to the funny farm ♪
- Do you like the internet?
Is it like--
- I think it's useful, yes,
there are lots of things
I like about it.
- You like the internet.
- I love the exactly!
You got it, I love the internet!
That's, yes, that's perfect.
- It's such a
sort of double-edged sword
in a lot of ways,
though, right?
It was back in the 90s,
you had to work really,
really hard
just to get any sort of stage.
- Right. 'Cause you had
'Cause there were gatekeepers
who said, like,
"We're in charge of this,
of access to this stage."
And now, everybody has access,
but, the means of connecting
with an audience,
even though you might have
the channel to do it,
to find that audience
and have them find you is
it feels like it's impossible
sometimes.
My ambition
for the first half
of my career,
was always about how
how big can you get,
and how long can you sustain
that bigness, you know?
You hit those great, amazing
milestones, whatever,
sell out Madison Square Garden,
so, of course I'm proud of that.
And proud of, whatever,
playing the Royal Albert Hall,
or like, playing these kinds
of venues, but those
that's how you
how I measured my success,
pre-COVID.
Post-COVID, I realize like,
my success is about being able
to sustain a living that is
like, it pays the bills,
like, I have a
it's a very middle-class living
I make now,
but it's based on what I do
for my small,
but really dedicated,
group of fans,
and it's like, that's
I'm super proud of that.
- Yeah, it-it's a pretty awesome
thing to be able to just keep
keep doing this stuff,
after all these years.
- Yeah. That's the thing,
I think, that I've
and maybe it is the COVID stuff
that pushed me into that place
to kind of be able to be
truly grateful
for what I get to do, but, uh
it's you know,
look at what you've built here,
it's that same thing
of just being able to, like,
enjoy the thing you're doing
at the moment.
- Mm-hmm.
- That's a great gift.
- When I was a kid, I loved
David Letterman, and I
I dreamed of doing
a talk show someday,
and look, here we are
in a gazebo on a field.
(laughing)
- I wouldn't want it
anywhere else,
this is amazing!
- Yeah, no I just--
- I just want to see a bear
come out of the woods
while I'm sitting here
talking to you.
- There are a lot of bears here!
- I wouldn't doubt it.
- Yeah, there are a lot
of bears here,
I see them on the trail cams.
- I saw one at the camp,
we'd do this camp
at the Catskills,
I saw one there last week.
- Yeah.
- Terrifying.
- And so, the camp
at the Catskills.
- Mm-hmm.
- Is a music camp.
- Yeah, Steven Page
Summer Camp.
- And you do this every year, or?
- Hopefully. We've done it
twice, we're gonna
planning on another one
next year.
- That is so cool!
- Yeah.
There's concerts every night,
so Steven Page Trio,
or the Trans-Canada Highwaymen,
or you know,
other guests that I have come
and do concerts,
there's open mics, there's jams,
there's songwriting sessions.
- That is cool. I'd like to come
check that out.
- You should come next year.
- Yeah, that's amazing.
Steven, thank you so much
for coming,
hanging out in the gazebo
here with me!
- Anytime, Tom!
I would love to do this again.
- Yeah, anytime, anytime.
We will do, we will do it.
- Love it.
- Love it, man. Love you, man.
Thank you.
- Yes, sir.
- Awesome, awesome.
(guitar music)
Fanny, I have Steven Page here,
he's gonna sing for you guys.
Sing to the animals
Sing to the animals ♪
That's the kind of guy
that I'm not ♪
(laughing)
I sing to the animals
Sing to the animals ♪
Goddamn they scare me a lot ♪
Oh Kia ♪
I really wish
that I could be ya ♪
Just eating the grass and
showing my ass to the world ♪
- But see, Aria, I think,
really likes music, though.
- Yeah. I can tell.
(laughing)
Hello Miss Aria ♪
I had some diarrhea
earlier today ♪
Before I came ♪
I thought you would bite
my hand ♪
But I did not understand ♪
You were just trying to see
if I would move my hand away ♪
(laughing)
If I had a million dollars ♪
I'd buy you a house ♪
I would buy you a house ♪
And if I had
a million dollars ♪
If I had a million dollars ♪
I'd buy furniture
for your house ♪
Maybe a nice chesterfield
or an ottoman ♪
And if I had
a million dollars ♪
If I had a million dollars ♪
I'd buy you a K-Car ♪
A nice reliant automobile ♪
And if I had
a million dollars ♪
I'd buy your love ♪
If I had a million dollars ♪
I'd be rich ♪
- Hey!
- What do you think?
- She hung out
for the whole song!
- Yeah, pretty good!
Well, almost the whole song.
- Thank you, man.
That was so cool!
(Tom singing indistinctly)
There's Fanny.
- Hey, Fanny!
Aww, Fanny!
- Hey, Fanny.
Fanny.
- Fanny is a massive mule!
- Yeah. She's the largest
rideable mule in Canada.
- Oh, my God!
- Yup.
Oh! That's right,
this is a chicken.
See? It's a chicken.
I don't think she's ever seen
a chicken this close, see?
Yeah.
- Look at that!
- All the chickens are very
tame.
- Very chilled out!
- Yeah.
- Just relaxing--
- Is this normal or?
- I don't think so.
- Really?
- No. I think that
that's pretty pretty tame.
- Sometimes I put my chicken
on my head, too.
- Oh, my goodness! That's
That's a fashion accessory
if I've ever seen one!
- I've been working on it.
- Yeah.
- I work on little tricks.
(laughing)
Do you do that ever?
- Um, I can't say that
any of my animals
are smart enough to do anything
like that--
- Really? So is this not normal?
- Um, yeah.
This is iconic,
if I have to be honest with you.
- So it's not normal?
- I can't say I've ever
seen it before.
- I wouldn't say I practiced it,
but I do it a lot.
- Okay.
- I don't know,
I've bonded with these chickens.
- Yeah.
- I had a few that were
getting killed a lot.
- Yeah.
- Like, I mean, I had chickens,
the first set of chickens
were killed.
- Mm-hmm.
- By coyotes and a fox.
These chickens, I've got
a new system for them to be,
you know, kept away
from the predators.
- Yeah, for sure.
- And so I've gotten
to know them more.
But you dress your animals up, though.
- Yes. So, Stanley, my emu.
- Yeah.
- Loves getting dressed up.
- Really? I spend a lot
of time with my animals.
Is there some sort of
scientific explanation
for what it is that
it does to us
when we hang out with animals?
- I don't know what
the scientific term for it is,
but it will bring your stress
down, they'll definitely
make you forget about anything
that's going on.
- Do a lot of your viewers
- Mm-hmm.
- watching have animals
of their own?
Or are they people that would
like to have animals,
but don't, or is it both,
I guess?
- I think it's both, um,
a lot of people kind of live
as if this is
they live a farm life being able
to watch my stuff,
and they kind of fill their cup
that way.
- Like, I don't know,
I start to feel
the more time I spend
with the animals,
the more I feel kind of like
I'm almost an equal.
- Mm-hmm.
- We're equals.
- Just kind of in tune
with each other, for sure.
- Yeah.
The fox ate my chicken
and it really sucked ♪
My fox ate my chicken
and it really sucked ♪
And now I got
a fat fucking fox ♪
(knocking on door)
Hey, Steven!
- Tom Green!
- How are you, man?
- Great.
- Thanks for coming.
- Thanks for having me.
- Oh, my gosh!
- This is awesome.
(guitar strumming)
- So, I don't really know.
What are the chords, exactly?
- So we start in that little,
that's C
with a G on the very top.
- So then--
(guitar strumming)
- And then it goes--
(both): Keeps on calling me ♪
(humming)
Where I wanna be ♪
And a C ♪
Dah dah A minor ♪
And then it should be F.
(scatting)
- Okay, so those bar chords,
I'm new at, so.
- Just put your middle finger
on the G string.
- So that's an F.
- Yup.
- But, this is--
- That's also an F.
- That's an F.
I'll just do that one.
- Okay.
Maybe tomorrow we'll want
to settle G ♪
Until tomorrow I'll ♪
(scatting)
- Okay, okay.
Okay, let's try it. Yeah.
- One, two, three, four.
(Maybe Tomorrow performed
by Tom Green and Steven Page)
There's a voice
that keeps on calling me ♪
Down the road ♪
That's where I'll always be ♪
Every stop I make ♪
I make a new friend ♪
Can't stay for long
just turn around ♪
And I'm gone again ♪
Maybe tomorrow ♪
I'll wanna settle down ♪
Until tomorrow ♪
I'll just keep moving on ♪
Down this road ♪
That never seems to end ♪
When new adventure ♪
Lies just around the bend ♪
So if you wanna join me ♪
For a while ♪
Just grab your hat
we'll travel light ♪
That's hobo style ♪
Maybe tomorrow ♪
I'll wanna settle down ♪
Until tomorrow ♪
The whole world is my home ♪
There's a world ♪
That's waiting to unfold ♪
A brand new tale ♪
No one has ever told ♪
We've journeyed far ♪
But you know
it won't be long ♪
We're almost there
we've paid our fare ♪
With the hobo song ♪
Maybe tomorrow ♪
I'll find
what I'll call home ♪
Until tomorrow ♪
You know I'm free to roam ♪
(fiddle playing)
So if you wanna join me ♪
For a while ♪
Just grab your hat
we'll travel light ♪
That's hobo style ♪
Maybe tomorrow ♪
I'll wanna settle down ♪
Until tomorrow ♪
I'll just keep moving on ♪
Until tomorrow ♪
The whole world is my ♪
Home ♪
- Woohoo!
- Thank you, Steven Page!
- Thank you, Tom Green!
Nice!
- Hello, hello!
Oh, ow! Jeez! God!
Got me good!
- Oh, no!
- Hey, you got me, huh?
It's okay, didn't cut,
didn't break the skin, but--
- I heard it!
- Yeah, it's cool.
It was that was good.
Here we go. Mm-hmm.
(Tom humming)
Okay.
You ever eaten an emu egg
before?
- No, and I don't think
today's the day, either.
- You're not gonna eat it?
(laughing)
Wow!
It's a big frigging yolk,
isn't it?
Okay, wow, look at that.
Maybe a little salt and pepper
might be nice.
Salt.
Pepper.
Okay.
(cuckoo clock chimes)
(chuckling)
Love the new cuckoo clock.
Smells like an egg.
Though the egg white looks
kind of gross.
- It does!
(laughing)
It looks really gelatinous!
- Honestly, it makes me wanna
almost puke, looking at it.
It's not even cooking,
that part!
It's an emu egg,
that's an emu egg.
Wait, it's cooking more,
it's cooking more,
it's cooking now.
All right, well, I mean,
it's looking like an egg now.
Here, just a little piece.
- No, thank you!
- I'll go first then you go.
- No.
- You try that.
- I'm not.
- Come on.
- No!
- Just a little!
- You go.
- Try a little.
- No, you go.
- Try a little taste.
- No, not before our honeymoon.
(chuckling)
- Tastes like an egg.
- The texture looks soft
in your mouth,
it still looks jelly-like!
- The texture's weird.
I'll be right back,
I'll be right back.
Polka Dot Door Theme Song ♪