Agua Donkeys (2020) s01e05 Episode Script
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Dude, what's the one thing that
Jackie's never commented on?
My abs.
Exactly. Go lay down.
I wanna try something.
[VACUUM WHIRRING]
[WHIRRING STOPS]
Is it working?
I don't know. How's it feel?
Hurts.
Then yeah, it's probably working.
[WHIRRING RESUMES]
[JACKIE] No, no.
I'm sorry. I wouldn't know
anything about that.
I don't even understand
what you're saying right now.
You probably have to find someone
else to call for that. I don't
Listen, I'm sorry. I feel like
I really can't help you.
Thank you. Bye.
That was from London.
The one before that was from Shanghai.
And the one before
that was from Illinois.
Looks like we created quite the buzz.
So we're probably gonna
have to staff up.
How many new accounts
have we got so far?
[ROD] Not one.
Pull your shirts down.
Every one of those was about the
crop circle you guys discovered.
You know what, this last stunt
you guys are done.
Go clean out your cubbies.
But we have so much shit in our cubbies.
[PHONE RINGING]
Agua Donkeys. This is Rod Caldera.
Hell yeah, we can do that for sure.
Easy.
I'll send my guys over right now.
So I guess we'll just clean
out our cubbies and go?
Hello.
Hi.
Are you Miss Hixenbaugh?
Yeah.
Oh. We're the Agua Donkeys.
[WOMAN] Who is it?
It's the Agua
Donkeys?
Oh. The pool boys.
[MP] Yeah.
Yeah.
So
you're Miss Hixenbaugh?
Yeah.
So she's
Mom.
Daughter.
Would you like to come in?
Okay.
Okay.
Miss Hixenbaugh
are you sure this is a traditional cola?
Do you like it?
Yeah.
Imagine if you had a badass rug.
Where?
I was thinking like right there.
That would be badass.
[MOM] You could be right.
So are you guys really planning on
jumping off the Sleepy Seagull?
Like you said last night on the news?
Or is that just something
you said to get us to call?
Dude, I'm not trying to make
a big deal out of this,
but that's for sure hot mom,
hot daughter combo.
Oh, it is for sure, dude.
It's the hottest and the mom-iest.
And the daughter-iest.
Man, I'm so glad we don't
have our jeans on right now.
[MOM] Is everything okay?
[MP] Yeah, everything's
fine, Miss Hixenbaughs.
We're just crunching some
numbers. Let's see.
One skimmer.
Two chemical bombs.
One bucket with a squeegee in it.
What's the plan?
We're dealing with a hot mom,
hot daughter combo.
We can't let them mess up
our chance with Jackie.
We gotta switch it up on them.
I agree but how?
I'm not sure yet.
Let's just feel it out.
I love your plants.
Yeah, you guys have such
great taste in plants.
So how do you guys know
so much about plants?
They asked us how we knew
so much about plants.
It's "plants."
They were all out by the pool
talking about how sick
their plants were.
How can you not see
how fucked up that is?
I don't get what you
guys are so upset about.
Because we still have to go
back and replace their filter.
And?
What would Jackie say if she found out?
Once, when I was doing
time for armed robbery
three different prison gangs
recruited me to murder my cellmate.
So what'd you do?
I shanked him through his mattress.
For which gang?
No gang.
I did it for myself.
If prison taught me one thing,
it's that you gotta be true
to nobody but yourself.
- Crap, Leonard.
- Holy crap, Leonard.
Where'd they go? These
chicks are so unpredictable.
Knowing them, this is
all part of their plan.
Dude, are you seeing this?
Duck down, duck down.
Not on our watch.
Yeah, I'd like to report
a home invasion.
Jackie's never commented on?
My abs.
Exactly. Go lay down.
I wanna try something.
[VACUUM WHIRRING]
[WHIRRING STOPS]
Is it working?
I don't know. How's it feel?
Hurts.
Then yeah, it's probably working.
[WHIRRING RESUMES]
[JACKIE] No, no.
I'm sorry. I wouldn't know
anything about that.
I don't even understand
what you're saying right now.
You probably have to find someone
else to call for that. I don't
Listen, I'm sorry. I feel like
I really can't help you.
Thank you. Bye.
That was from London.
The one before that was from Shanghai.
And the one before
that was from Illinois.
Looks like we created quite the buzz.
So we're probably gonna
have to staff up.
How many new accounts
have we got so far?
[ROD] Not one.
Pull your shirts down.
Every one of those was about the
crop circle you guys discovered.
You know what, this last stunt
you guys are done.
Go clean out your cubbies.
But we have so much shit in our cubbies.
[PHONE RINGING]
Agua Donkeys. This is Rod Caldera.
Hell yeah, we can do that for sure.
Easy.
I'll send my guys over right now.
So I guess we'll just clean
out our cubbies and go?
Hello.
Hi.
Are you Miss Hixenbaugh?
Yeah.
Oh. We're the Agua Donkeys.
[WOMAN] Who is it?
It's the Agua
Donkeys?
Oh. The pool boys.
[MP] Yeah.
Yeah.
So
you're Miss Hixenbaugh?
Yeah.
So she's
Mom.
Daughter.
Would you like to come in?
Okay.
Okay.
Miss Hixenbaugh
are you sure this is a traditional cola?
Do you like it?
Yeah.
Imagine if you had a badass rug.
Where?
I was thinking like right there.
That would be badass.
[MOM] You could be right.
So are you guys really planning on
jumping off the Sleepy Seagull?
Like you said last night on the news?
Or is that just something
you said to get us to call?
Dude, I'm not trying to make
a big deal out of this,
but that's for sure hot mom,
hot daughter combo.
Oh, it is for sure, dude.
It's the hottest and the mom-iest.
And the daughter-iest.
Man, I'm so glad we don't
have our jeans on right now.
[MOM] Is everything okay?
[MP] Yeah, everything's
fine, Miss Hixenbaughs.
We're just crunching some
numbers. Let's see.
One skimmer.
Two chemical bombs.
One bucket with a squeegee in it.
What's the plan?
We're dealing with a hot mom,
hot daughter combo.
We can't let them mess up
our chance with Jackie.
We gotta switch it up on them.
I agree but how?
I'm not sure yet.
Let's just feel it out.
I love your plants.
Yeah, you guys have such
great taste in plants.
So how do you guys know
so much about plants?
They asked us how we knew
so much about plants.
It's "plants."
They were all out by the pool
talking about how sick
their plants were.
How can you not see
how fucked up that is?
I don't get what you
guys are so upset about.
Because we still have to go
back and replace their filter.
And?
What would Jackie say if she found out?
Once, when I was doing
time for armed robbery
three different prison gangs
recruited me to murder my cellmate.
So what'd you do?
I shanked him through his mattress.
For which gang?
No gang.
I did it for myself.
If prison taught me one thing,
it's that you gotta be true
to nobody but yourself.
- Crap, Leonard.
- Holy crap, Leonard.
Where'd they go? These
chicks are so unpredictable.
Knowing them, this is
all part of their plan.
Dude, are you seeing this?
Duck down, duck down.
Not on our watch.
Yeah, I'd like to report
a home invasion.