Wayne (2019) s01e07 Episode Script

[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[CHITTERING]
[ANIMAL CHATTER]
[GATOR GROWLING]
[HORSE NEIGHING]
Peanut Butter won't eat.
Who?The fucking gator
you sold me. Won't eat.
Why'd you name
it Peanut Butter?
'Cause I fed him peanut butter
once and he didn't eat it.
So I named him
Peanut Butter.Her.
The fuck you just say?
Peanut Butter is a girl.How the fuck you know that?
On account of
the lack of penis
and the presence of a clitoris
that Peanut Butter had
when I sold you Peanut Butter.
Well, now I want to return
Peanut Butter for
two goddamn reasons.
You got your receipt?You didn't give me
no fucking receipt, man.
I didn't give you no receipt
because I don't take
no returns.
Well, make him
into boots then!Her.
Motherfucker. I'm not--
[SIGHS]
Make her into boots then.
Not a service I offer.
And besides, Peanut Butter
is a little small to be making
into boots, don't you think?
That's 'cause Peanut Butter
won't fucking eat.
[GATOR GROWLING]
Look, man. Bottom line,
I don't take animals back.
Comprende?
Now, I gotta go make those
two horses fuck.
So if could we be done here,
that'd be great.
Yeah.
Motherfucker!No!
[SCREAMS]Goddamn motherfucker!
You suck, bitch.
Choke on a fucking dick.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
TRISH: Baby!
Baby, go get
[LAUGHS] Yeah! Missed you.
Beat that man's ass.
Just a little farther,
you're gonna be--
[GROANING]
[BOTH GIGGLING AND WHOOPING]
Come here, let me see.
Roll over.
[EXCLAIMS IN SHOCK]
Jesus! Shit!
You got more gross color skin
than regular color skin.
We gotta go to the hospital.
I don't go to hospitals.
My Uncle Rick didn't go
to hospitals either.
Got a splinter
at work one time,
thought he could
put Neosporin on it,
go right back to being
an asshole.
And then he gets an infection
and, well, you know
what he got for it.
What? What did he get?
Dead. He got fucking dead.
Wayne, we gotta go
to the hospital.
We can't. There's people
lookin' for us.Fuck!
Um
Hey, you guys got any ice?
Yeah, I actually have
something much--
[LAUGHTER]
Something much better.
Drugs.I don't take drugs.
Oh, sure you do.
My dad got a bunch of really
good shit after his botched
post-divorce vasectomy.
Open up. Come on.
I never thought I'd say this
to a guy before,
but put it in your mouth.
Guys, maybe we can, like,
wrap it in cheese
or some shit.
Oh, come on, just take it.
JENNY: Take it!
Take it, Wayne.
Just swallow the pill.
WAYNE: Okay, okay, okay.
Good boy![GROANS]
Jenny! Jesus.
Let's go, come on.
JENNY: You are gonna thank me
for those later.
By the way, if you wanna, like,
hook up or anything,
that is totally fine
'cause I won't hear anything,
because I'll have these
giant earmuffs on my ears.
Also known as Jenny's thighs.
Jesus.
We're good, thanks.
I think we're good.
TRISH: Come on, baby.
[KEYS JINGLING]
[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
Good morning.Why are you lookin'
at me like that?
Like what?
Like you wanna roll me up
in a fuckin' rug.
I'm just happy. To see you.
Why are you in a tub?
You're in a tub, you know.
Why are you in a tub?
I couldn't sleep
with Jenny and Trish
goin' at it all night.
[SIGHS] I swear I think heard
Jenny say she lost her tooth
in the middle of it.
What?
You're pretty.
Wait a sec.
You're high as shit.
Oh, you took another pill,
Mister I Don't Take Drugs.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
Oh
You're high as fuck.
Jenny's fucking dad is here!What?
TRISH: Everybody be totally
fucking silent
WAYNE: Your dad,
he's outside?
[SHUSHING]I should introduce myself.
Wayne, do fucking not.
I have to be a gentleman.
Just a sec, Dad. Shh!
I'm putting in a tampon.
Don't-- What?
Sir, I'm Wayne.
It's an honor.
[LAUGHS] Well,
hey, young man.
Well, you must be
Jenny's boy.
You're a boy.
[JENNY'S DAD LAUGHS]
Thank you for letting me
stay here in your
really nice home.
Although, if I'm being honest,
I went upstairs
in the nighttime,
and ate a bunch of
your sandwich meats
and for that I'm sorry.
Oh, no, no.
Think nothing of it.
I wanna thank you
for taking my daughter
to the dance.
I mean, you're welcome
here anytime.
Oh, no, sir.
Your daughter and
the lesbian girlfriend friend,
they went
to the dance together
'cause they're lesbians.
I went with my friend, Del.
We're not lesbians. But
[EXHALES]
Yeah. It was an honor, sir.
Did you just out me
to my fucking dad?
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
[WOMAN LAUGHS]
Huh? The fuck
she just say?
The, uh, whore-y one
with the mustache
and the hat?
She said the white old
bald fuck will always
have her heart.
I'll bet she's bangin'
that guy with the boat.
The fuckin' rack
on her though, right?
[BOBBY WHISTLES]
Mr. Luccetti.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
These fucking knob-jobs.
Let me guess.
The two of you, you jumped
into your Smart Car, right?
And then you drove down here
as fast as you could,
just to tell me that
you didn't find my daughter
again, right?
Nissan Leaf, sir.
What?
That's a car?
It's a fuckin' fairy car.
For fuckin' fairies.
If 151 miles
per battery charge
makes me a fairy,
then fit me
for a pair of wings.
Now, in following up
on last night's events
when you were savaged
by the school children--
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You know what, slow your
fucking roll, ginger.
Okay? Nobody beat me up.
There was like 50 of those
little fucking shits running
all over the place.
Like, little people
but not that type of little.
Still very powerful
in large numbers.
You know, I blame you for this.
This is your fucking fault.
Yours, motherfucker.
Yours.
Daddy, you were right.
The hat lady is bangin'
the guy in the boat.
BOBBY: Jesus Christ,
shut the fuck up.
You know what?
You go down into the hallway
and you find that
fuckin' nurse lady with
the goddamn sideburns,
and find me some fuckin'
morphine, and you get it now.
The both of you.
Get the fuck out
of that wheelchair!
I'm going. Jeez!Mr. Luccetti.
Listen to me,
you fucking British dipshit.
You British?If you had done your job,
I wouldn't be tracking my
kidnapped daughter all over
the goddamn country,
and sitting
in a fuckin' hospital bed!
Now pipe down, all right?
If you wanna
find your daughter,
sharing information is only
gonna work to our advantage,
yeah?
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
All right Okay, yeah.
All right. Come here.
Tell you what, you can start
your job by following through
and checking out
how many visitors
you're allowed to have
in this fuckin' hospital
'cause I'm pretty sure
that it's not fuckin' 12!
Damn, he went the other way
with that one.
Let me know
if you think of anything
helpful, Mr. Luccetti.
Yeah, why don't you go
fuck yourself?
Somebody in this
fucking white shitbox
get me some fucking drugs!
Or a fucking drink. Something!
[BOBBY CONTINUES SHOUTING]
Not the most pleasant man
in the world, huh?
I've seen worse.
[NURSE GIGGLES]
Well, I gotta get in there
and update these reporters
in a few.
What's the status
of his injuries?
Couple of broken bones,
collapsed lung. Not clinging
to life or anything.
At least he's from out of town
and I don't have to put up
with any visitors.
Lotta times, the only people
who visit assholes
are other assholes.
Hmm.
So, has anybody come
to see him since
he's been here?
Not that I've seen.
All right. Thanks, guys.
Mmm-hmm.
Oh, I'm about to make a star
out of this chicken and
stars soup.
You know what I mean?
I don't.
Your father.
What you've told me,
you two didn't exactly have
the most smooth sailing
relationship, hmm.
My pops?
You could definitely say that.
If he wasn't beatin' on me,
he was beatin' on my sisters.
Son of a bitch was mean
all the way to his grave.
So, no love lost there?
I love him. He was a pain in
the ass, but I still miss him
every fucking day.
He's still my pops.
Hey, Sarge.
You got a moment?Yeah, that's right.
Come on,
this licorice is huge.
It'll last forever.
I don't think it's got
good-for-you stuff in it.
Like vitamins and all that.
Like orange juice and pretzels.
Pretzels don't got vitamins.
I'm pretty sure they do.Right. Pretzel vitamins.
No big licorice.
I gotta piss wicked.
You pick.
But I expect you to have
big pretzel vitamin muscles
when I come back.
I'll take this and
the rest in gas.
[REPORTER ON TV]
Police are trying to understand
why a group of teenagers
from a local high school
transformed into
a violent, angry mob,
leaving one Boston man
clinging to life.
We don't have all the details
as to what role the victim,
one Bobby Luccetti,
played in the incident,
but we are looking for
thoughts and prayers
because, well,
it could go either way.
[REPORTER] There are
unconfirmed reports of two
other victims who were also
I'll also take this licorice.
Oh, my God.
[GROANS IN DISGUST]
Jesus. It smelled like
everything died in there.
What's this?Licorice.
I know, but why?
You wanted it.
Oh, you are a gentleman.
We goin'?
[ENGINE STARTS]
[ENGINE STOPS]
Is that all two bucks
gets ya?
What?
Your dad's in the hospital.
How do you know?
I saw him on the news,
in the store.
It must be real bad, I guess.
They're askin' people
to pray and stuff. So
[IF I GO, I'M GOIN'PLAYING]
Fuck 'em.
Got my change
I got to say goodbye
to my dad.
I'm just thinkin',
it might be good.
You know, for you.
You know, I'm not saying that
he's, well, you know.
He might be
Throw my nickels in
Just in case I have to leave
And I will go
if you ask me to
I will stay if you dare
And if I go
I'm goin shameless
I'll let my hunger
take me there ♪
[POLICE RADIO CHATTER]
We should be careful.
[SIGHS]
You nervous?Nah. I'm good.
Thanks for comin' in
and supportin' me or whatever.
What, you mean like
comin' in the hospital?
I can't do that.Well, why the hell not?
Well, people die in there.
Yeah. I know.
Del.
[DISTANT SIREN WAILING]
[WOMAN ANNOUNCING OVER PA]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
JAY: The traction on these
hospital socks is unreal.
Jay, we need to stay alert,
okay?
I'm starting to feel like
this plan is a big ol' waste
of time.
Yeah, I don't know.
We've been one step behind at
every turn. Maybe it's time
we let him come to us, huh?
That's counting on
a lot of things. These kids
gotta watch the news,
and even then,
Del's gotta care
about her father enough
to stick her neck out
for his crazy ass.
Yeah. You said it yourself.
Never underestimate
how complicated
that father-child bond
can be, okay?
I feel like I could walk up
a wall in these bad boys.
Physics will prove you wrong.
[SCREAMS] Fuck!
Shit, my bad. Just
Feeling a little upset
over here.
Let me get you something.
Cookies, chips
Anything you want.
Ah, you know what, too late.
You got cookies.
There you go.
Uh
Thanks.Hey, man. Sit. Hang out.
You ever
get a girl pregnant?
No? Well, I fucking did.
Yup. Nineteen and my life's
fucking over. R.I. fucking P.
You know how young that is?
Nineteen?Fucking young, bro.
[EXHALES]
I mean, I'm a kid still.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Fuck. You ever been
bungee jumping?
Huh? Me neither.
What about water-skiing?
You ever been water-skiing?
Fuck, that sounds fun,
doesn't it?
What about sushi?
You ever tried sushi?No.
No? What about a water buffalo?
You ever seen one of them?
Oh, God.
Fuck.
[EXHALES]
I'm fuckin' dyin' over here.
Dyin'. He's dyin'!
You need to get
yourself together.
I will restrain you.
I ain't kiddin'.
Why won't you
give me something
for the fuckin' pain?Oh, God.
Hey, you're supposed to be
helping me out.
I need some
fuckin' morphine.
I can't give painkillers
to an alcoholic.
What did you just call me?I did not call
you anything.
Who the hell did?
Whoever the hell filled out
your intake forms.
Why
the fuck
did you say
I was an alcoholic?
We didn't. I just said
that you enjoy
eight drinks a day.
You said what?We can't lie.
These are official
government papers.
We could get sequestered.
BOBBY: Jesus fucking Christ!That's it.
That's tapioca!BOBBY: That's it.
I'm stabbing your
fucking eyeballs out.I don't wanna get stabbed.
Fuckin' idiot!
[WOMEN GASPING]
BOBBY: You stupid cock-fucks!
I'll burn down
this fuckin' hospital.
I'll fuck every nurse,
including the fuckin'
male ones!
I swear to God,
you two are not
my fucking kids.
I don't know who your
fucking mother fucked,
but it wasn't fuckin' me!
[SIGHS]
[BOBBY CONTINUES YELLING]
BOBBY:
Hey, these two motherfuckers,
they're--
GELLER:
Hey, put a cork in it.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[BOBBY CONTINUES YELLING]
[SIGHS DEEPLY]
I'm dyin' over here!
Will somebody please get me
a goddamn fuckin' drink? Fuck!
It's tres leches. It means
"three milks."
These little butter cookie
bitches are addictive.
You ever do cocaine?
I did cocaine once.
God, I love cocaine.
How old are you again?
[MUFFLED] Sixteen.Fuck me.
Man, that's what
I'm talking about.
Jumpin' on the back
of that thing.
Leaving the bullshit behind.
Living like an outlaw.
That guy's got it made.
You never know.
[BUS STOPS]
My dad didn't stick around.
I turned out all right.
Maybe better.
You never know, right?
My mom left
when I was five.
My dad stayed.
He didn't have to. But he did.
Wasn't always the best dad.
But he stayed.
[BRAKES HISSING]
How many girls
you had sex with? Huh?
I think I'm up to nine.
No, wait. Tanya Boyd. Ten.
Ten?
We gotta to go to the packy.Well, hello there.
Who's this jagoff?
That's Bradley.
He's having a baby.
Sucks for him.Yeah, it does.
We gotta go get booze.
Fuck yeah, we do.
What about your dad?
Is he in there?Yes.
And?He's not dead.
So, why are we getting booze?
We should go now.
I'm gonna get some Jager.
Oh, we should get
cocaine, maybe?
Why is he here?He bought me cookies.
Can he buy us booze?Yeah, I got a fake ID.
Says I'm a foot taller
and 40 pounds fatter, but--
Can we just hurry
the fuck up, please?
Do not get her pregnant.
BRADLEY:
The hell are you making?
Is that milk?
Half and half.
It's a Cape Cod Cooley.
My dad invented it.
Sometimes during the summer,
if we had a little extra money,
my dad would get to rent
a trailer from his friend,
Big Fuck.
Was Big Fuck big?Very.
They'd park it down at
the trailer park down by
the beach for a couple of days.
Swim and all that.
I really think it was
just a bunch of ingredients
Big Fuck had
lying around the trailer
but my dad would let me
make these for him.
I thought it was cool
because I was nine or ten
and it was booze, but
he just probably let me
make 'em
'cause he was lazy.
Del.
Del, wait.
Del?
Oh, God, that's rude.
WAYNE: Del.
Del, I'm coming with you.No.
I don't want you to now.
Del.No.
I don't want you to catch
a cold or some shit.
I don't like hospitals
'cause of my dad.
Because they told me
he was gonna die in a hospital,
and he only got sicker
in a hospital,
and they told me he was never
gonna get better there
and nothing ever worked when
they tried to make him better.
So, it just makes me
remember all the
I just don't like 'em.
But I went for him.
And now I'm gonna go for you.
So, can I come in
or whatever?
Don't expect a goddamn medal.
[POLICE RADIO CHATTER]
Come here.
Fucking sick.
Are those all dead?
I don't know. Let me ask.
Excuse me, are you guys dead?
Yup. They're fuckin' dead.
[PEOPLE TALKING]
Shit. Come on.
Yup. There's the son of a bitch
right fucking there,
no fucking doubt.
[OFFICER 1 GRUNTING]
OFFICER 2: Dude! Cut the shit.
You can't be punching
dead bodies.
This guy killed my partner.
I don't give two goddamn
Wait, does this guy
not have a mustache?
Shit.
[SIGHS]
You fucking idiot.
My bad, man.
[DOOR CLOSES]
I think it's okay to go.Wait. Not yet.
My dad was different
before my ma died.
Well, we
We all were, I guess. But
I don't know, he wasn't
always such a dick. Or
Maybe he was and my ma
made him less. Or
Or better or whatever. But
If he goes, I got no one.
But you do now, though.
Right?
[ONE CROWDED HOURPLAYING]
But for one crowded hour
You were the only one
in the room
And I sailed around
all those bumps in the night
To your beacon in the gloom
I thought I had found
my golden September
In the middle
of that purple June
But one crowded hour
Would lead to
my wreck and ruin
Now I know
you like your boys
to take their medicine
From the bowl
with a silver spoon
Who were taught
from the womb
to believe to the tune
In as far as their
bleeding eyes see
It's a pleasure pen,
meant for them
Built for and rent for them
Not for the likes of me
Not for the likes
of you and me
And for one crowded hour
Would lead
to my wreck and ruin ♪
JAY: There's a thousand things
down there we could've picked.
GELLER: Not the sandwich.
I'm just saying,
it's a lot of bread.
Nobody told you to order
the fucking ciabatta.
Yeah, well,
I'm gonna return it.
Okay. Well, make sure
you please,
please don't embarrass me
in front of that fine-ass
cafeteria lady.
I'm gonna exchange this
for a potato.
JAY: Make sure you tell
my girlfriend Beyonce
in the cafeteria
I'm looking forward
to lunch tomorrow, too, Sarge.
[SNORING]
Delilah?
Hey, Daddy.
Brought you a Cape Cod Cooley.
Hey, you
You comin' home?
You dyin'?
The cops said you was dyin'.
Cops lie.
You
You, motherfucker!
What are you doing in
my goddamn room?
Bye, Daddy.[SCREAMING] Teddy, Carl!
Nurse, help!
GELLER:
Wayne McCullough!
BOBBY: He's here,
he's in the hospital!
Steady.
I just want to talk.
Stop.
[HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING]
Bad shoe choice.
WAYNE: Whoa!
NURSE: No running!
Pardon me.
Shit.Wayne.
It's okay.
Hi, Delilah.
Take a beat now.
I'm here as a friend. Yeah?
My name is Sergeant
Stephen Geller. I'm from
Brockton. Just like you.
Born there, raised there.
Eat Town Spa Pizza.
Just like you.
Do you like Town Spa Pizza?
Cape Cod Cafe is better.By a fuckin' mile.
A lot of people would
agree with that.
Now, look, Wayne, Del
I'm here
Not as a police officerAre you a police officer?
Not officially, right now.
I'm a bit off
the clock on this.
So we don't have to listen to
you, officially, right now?
[SIGHS]
Huh.
Look, I've done a lot of
thinking about what I was
going to say to you,
and now I don't know
what I'm going to say to you.
I want to give you something
that you've never been given.
And that's a chance to get out.
All right? Before you get
caught up in the current
of a life
you never wanted to begin with.
But, I need you to trust me.
Trust you? Cops lied
and said my dad was dyin'.
Yeah, okay, that's why
I'm trying to help.
Once other police officers
get involved, once you
get down to Florida, and
God knows whatever's waiting
for you down there.
[MACHINE WHIRRING]
GELLER: Whoa, whoa.
Wait.
Look, Wayne. Steady. Wayne,
I know the kind of man
your father was.
You don't have to be
like your father.
Wayne!
Run.
Jay.
[GELLER GROANING]
God damn, what happened?
They just left. Go. Go!
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
[YELLS] Move! Police!
Get out of the way!
What the fuck is your problem?
[ENGINE STARTS]
Freeze! Stop!
Don't shoot me, bro!
I got a little boy on the way.
I'm gonna be a dad.
[PANTING]
Fuck!
I'm gonna be a dad.
Outlaw.
They're gone, Sarge.
What do you think
about your boy now?
No more chances.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
[GRUNTING]
[BED RATTLING]
Fuck! God damn it! Motherfuck!
[STRAINING]
[BREATHES HEAVILY]
[SCREAMING]
Damn it!
[MONITOR BEEPING RAPIDLY]
Hi.
Hey.
DEL: Next onWayne[LAUGHS]
What the fuck! Better clean
that shit off my car, bitch.
MAN: Where's
the motherfuckin' kid?What did the kid do?
That little shit charged
a round of drinks and a cash
advance in my fucking name!
[ALL WHOOPING]
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
Who the fuck you think you is?
You were looking out for me.
It's nice to have someone else
be the grownup
for once in my life.
Do you want me
to keep yelling at you?
Go find Wayne.
Yell at him instead.
The fuck is going on out here?
You look just like
your father.