Family Law (2021) s02e04 Episode Script

1
Previously on Family Law
You're my book-club.
Maggie is the one who's
pregnant and alone.
She needs us more than you do.
- Cordelia.
- Harrison.
She pre-dates your mother.
My dad and I are gonna take a year off
and backpack around the world.
- Can you sign this?
- What is this?
"Forty Under 40."
This is for the city's most promising.
Dad's never gonna see me as
a real partner, is that it?
- Mr. Svensson
- Yes! Your Honor.
Forty Under 40.
I'm in! Yes! Suck it, Dad.
Since when you do have a phone?
Dad loaned me his old one
and I think I'm still getting his texts.
Who's "Felicity"?
Tell me again you weren't
gonna sleep with her, Frank.
I can't do that.
[THERAPIST] Why do you think you
agreed to meet with this woman?
Because everything
was easy with Felicity,
and everything with her is hard.
I don't want to be
anybody's "hard," Frank.
It's over.
[♪]
Let's go over it one more time.
[FRANK SIGHS]
Your mother and I have something
we need to discuss with you.
First of all, we love
you both very much.
Then, you're gonna say how
we'll always be their parents.
- And we'll always be there for them.
- Mm-hmm.
After we've broken the news,
we'll ask if they have any questions.
[SIGHS]
Lucy says the most important thing
is that we're a united front.
Obviously.
Oh, I don't know if today
is the best day for this.
Sofia is foul right now.
Foul isn't so much her
mood as it is her default.
- We can't put this off forever.
- [SIGHS HEAVILY]
Come on.
It's showtime.
[♪]
[SIGHING HEAVILY]
Your mother and I have something
we need to discuss with you.
You're getting divorced?
Yes.
[SHAKY BREATH]
We love you both so much
and we'll always,
always be there for you.
Obviously, this isn't your fault.
Even though it's a change,
your lives will largely be the same
Same schools, same friends, same homes.
[NICO] Why can't you
guys just talk it out,
like you tell me and Sofia
to do when we're fighting?
Things aren't always that
straightforward, kiddo.
I think
we'll be a better family
[VOICE CRACKS] apart.
And I respect your mother's decision.
[♪]
Do you have any questions?
Can we stop talking now?
[♪]
"I respect your mother's decision"?
What the hell was that?
You threw me under the bus, again.
- I didn't know what to say!
- That's why we wrote a script!
And why did you say "same homes"?
Are you suggesting I live
with my mother forever?
This is our house Bought
largely with my money.
Abby, you aren't in
the driver's seat here.
What does that mean?
It just means, technically,
I still have sole custody.
I can't believe you're still
lording this over my head.
I'm not.
Okay.
We need to get all of this in writing,
just so everything is crystal clear.
Agreed.
I'll draft us a separation
agreement, okay?
Okay.
[♪]
I miss her too, Cecil.
Harry would like a word
with you in his office.
Hi.
- How'd it go?
- Awful.
The kids barely said anything,
and then Frank went rogue
and basically told them
the divorce was my idea.
What an idiot.
I'm gonna draft up a
separation agreement today.
Yourself?
Frank's a family lawyer
and I do a pretty
good impression of one.
It shouldn't be that complicated.
Lawyer who represents herself
has a fool for a client.
It's a little early for proverbs.
Abigail
would you give me the honor
of representing you in your divorce?
Thank you for the offer,
but Sofia and Nico,
for some inexplicable reason, adore you.
I don't want to have to explain to them
why their grandpa is going
after their dad in court.
Well, if you're refusing the best,
you should at least
hire the second best.
Cordelia Bernstein.
- I-I don't need a lawyer.
- You're not telling him, are you?
I wanted to tell him.
- Telling him what?
- I got "Forty Under 40".
Yeah, that was totally
next on the agenda.
Prestigious accolade
and good for the firm.
- Way to go, Danny.
- Thanks, Dad.
The temp asked me to tell you
that your client's in the boardroom.
[♪]
[THICK ACCENT] My husband
hired a divorce lawyer.
And you need representation?
No, I don't want a divorce. Please.
Unfortunately, if your husband
wants to end the marriage,
there's really nothing
you can do about that.
If I get divorced, I'll be deported.
We've only been married two
months. It's not long enough.
Uh, Karolinka, where did
you and your husband meet?
Online.
[MEEKLY] Um "International Brides."
As in, mail-order?
He ordered me from a catalogue.
["UH-OH" BY JEREMY FISHER BEGINS]
[♪]
You can't prove it ♪
Uh-oh ♪
You got nothing legit ♪
Uh-oh ♪
The glove don't fit ♪
Uh-oh ♪
You got to acquit ♪
Uh-oh ♪
The charges won't stick 'Cause ♪
I ain't no sucker ♪
Ain't your lollipop ♪
But ♪
You can kiss my sweet ♪
Uh-huh ♪
Never gonna stop ♪
Never gonna stop
Never gonna stop ♪
Never gonna stop
You can't prove it ♪
Jim and I exchanged thousands
of messages on this site.
- Over how long?
- A year.
When he proposed on
Messenger, I was so happy.
So, you never met him
in person until ?
I arrived at the airport.
Why did you sign up for an
international marriage agency?
I am considered a spinster back home.
You?
I was so excited to start a new
life with my modern Canadian man.
- But ?
- But when I arrived here,
I discovered that he does
not want a modern wife.
He wants a servant.
I tried to be patient,
but every time I stand up to him,
he threatens to deport me,
a-a-and now he wants
a divorce, so
After two years of
marriage, you'd be eligible
for independent Canadian citizenship.
You couldn't be deported.
Two months of marriage under your belt,
plus the obligatory one year separation,
also the snail's pace
of the judicial system,
with a couple of hold-ups
by us, if necessary,
will get you to two years, no problem.
Except Karolinka's
husband wants an annulment.
[KAROLINKA] What's the difference?
It means the marriage
would be cancelled.
No divorce process needed,
no year of separation.
Can he do that?
Only if his lawyer can
prove immigration fraud.
If Jim can prove you married him
for the purpose of acquiring
Canadian citizenship
Of course, I married for citizenship!
B-But I also married for love!
In all likelihood, Jim's lawyer
is advising him to seek an annulment
instead of a divorce
so he can avoid being
financially responsible for you.
I don't care about the money.
I just want to stay in Canada.
All right, let's try to get Jim and
his lawyer in here this afternoon.
We'll negotiate a deal
that allows you to stay in Canada
in exchange for waiving support.
[♪]
He orders her online,
and now he wants to return
her like a T-shirt from Amazon.
I don't want to see our client
deported, but let's face it,
she is using him to stay in the country.
Um, he's using her, too.
Karolinka is gorgeous.
Did you see their wedding photo?
Jim is, like, a three, at best.
- So?
- So, a "three" can't land a "ten"
without bringing somethin' to the table.
- [BLOWING AIR]
- Spoken with
the cynicism of someone
with a marriage on the brink.
Be nice.
How is it any different
from all the hot, young women
who come into the firm
with dull, old rich guys?
- It's bartering assets.
- Never mind the fact
that she probably doesn't
know a single soul here.
Likely has no money of her own,
no resources, if things turn sour.
- He holds all the cards!
- Okay. Okay.
- Points all taken.
- [LUCY] Oh, my god.
- Did you get headshots done?
- No.
Ooh!
It's a professional photo
for his "Stellar
Singles" dating profile
One of those "furrowed brow,"
jacket-slung-over-the-shoulder
numbers.
- Give me back my phone!
- "Daniel S
"Law Firm Partner.
Iron Man Competitor." Oh! Oh!
"Forty under 40." Didn't waste any time
- getting that on the old bio, did ya?
- Give me my phone!
Abigail. Give your
brother his phone back.
How can you judge Karolinka
for using a marriage service
when you're shopping
for dates on an app?
Because I'm not paying to meet women!
Mail-order marriages
are gilded prostitution.
You're expecting to find
love with a checklist.
Preach. Danielle came
exactly as advertised
- and that still fell apart.
- Don't want to hear it.
All of your relationships,
except for Jerri's,
have crashed and burned, no
matter how you met your partners.
The temp asked me to tell you
Harry's 2:00 appointment just arrived.
- Why didn't she do it herself?
- She said she's shy.
Ah. Excuse me.
My client requires a prenuptial clause
that Teza remain at her target weight
for the duration of the marriage.
A skinny clause?
A commitment to follow the
body mass index guidelines.
It's ludicrous.
Ash and Teza are social media moguls.
These two understand
their lifestyle channel is a business.
Video is a visual medium.
- We'll concede to it.
- We will?
On the condition that your client
gets rid of the mustache.
- It's for Movember!
- It's June!
My client is raising
awareness for prostate cancer.
Men's Expert is one of our sponsors.
It makes you look like
the kind of man they
warn children about.
- That's subjective.
- My client suffers 'stache rash.
Video is visual,
as you said.
Fine. But we'll need Teza
to refrain from wearing colors on camera
that are uncomplimentary
to my client's skin tone.
You want to control my color palette?
Last time you wore yellow, our
followers flooded the comments section
asking if I'm jaundiced!
[DANIEL] Our client is willing
to waive her right to spousal support
if Jim withdraws his annulment petition.
No can do. My client wishes
to terminate the marriage.
And he can, by filing for
an uncontested divorce.
[ABBY] Jim and Karolinka can
begin their legal separation
effective immediately.
For all intents and
purposes, they'll be divorced.
The paperwork will catch up
with them in less than two years.
Jim saves money.
Karolinka won't be deported.
- Everybody wins.
- Do we have a deal?
- No deal.
- You scammed me.
- How did I scam you?
- You said you were in love with me.
I was in love
with the man on the computer.
You aren't the man you said you were.
You said you were traditional!
You don't hardly cook or clean.
I am not your maid.
You spend all day
eating cinnamon hearts,
- watching soap operas.
- I'm learning English!
Holed up in the spare room all night,
on the phone with your brother.
- I miss my family, okay?
- All right, everyone.
- No! He said he has a home.
- It's a trailer home.
I am a hostage there.
He won't give me a key.
Why would I give you a key
when you have nowhere to go?
He said he's going to take
me out for fancy dinners.
- I took you to Swiss Chalet.
- One time!
Fancy dinners are for wives.
Wives are supposed to
perform marital duties!
Wives perform "marital duties"
when they're in the mood, pal,
and something tells me being
threatened with deportation
- isn't a turn-on.
- Has the marriage been consummated?
- [KAROLINKA] Yes.
- A few times, when she first arrived.
Now she grimaces every
time I come near her,
like I reek or something.
Your client misrepresented herself.
She conned my client
for residency status.
End of story.
We won't be withdrawing
the annulment petition.
Karolinka, do you have records
of your correspondence with Jim?
It was all done through
International Brides.
The account's closed now.
I'll draft up an order for
production of documents.
[♪]
[♪]
So your clients buy brides?
I'm not a pimp, Ms. Bianchi.
What's the business model?
International Brides
charge a nominal fee
to facilitate messages.
- Mm. Define "nominal."
- Eight dollars.
$8.00 per message?
So if you have thousands
and thousands of messages
- well done.
- [PAGE RUSTLES]
Jim and Karolinka text a lot
about the "beautiful babies"
they're gonna make together.
Yes. For many women,
to build a family with a strong
provider is a fairytale.
A fairytale, right up till your
husband files for an annulment
two months into the marriage
and you're facing deportation.
I'm saddened by this news, but
- sometimes, marriages don't work out.
- You know damn well
that immigration status
is used by husbands
as a way of controlling
their mail-order brides
- We don't use that term.
- Leaving them vulnerable to abuse,
which is a human rights violation.
I personally do criminal
checks on all my clients.
You cater to incels.
You Western women are so
cavalier about your romantic ideals.
In many, many cultures, it
goes marriage, then love.
I was a "mail-order bride".
I came with nothing from Mumbai.
I've been married 40 years now.
I have a loving husband,
three beautiful children,
and a thriving business in Canada.
Is your marriage ideal?
I only wish
for my clients to find
the same happiness I did.
[ABBY SIGHS]
Not all wishes come true, I guess.
[♪]
Luce!
Hey.
You want to go paddleboarding tonight?
I'd love to, but my board's at Maggie's.
So, go get it.
I'm just trying to give her some space.
Look, even if you're the
one who's in the doghouse,
you're still entitled
to access your stuff.
Go to the apartment
and get your things already.
[ABBY] Here you go, pal.
I got you your favourite. Banana cream.
I'm not hungry.
Do you want to talk about it?
- I know this is hard.
- Why are you doing it then?
Dad would still let you move
into the basement if you want.
- I can't do that, honey.
- Why not?
You did a bad thing
and Dad did a bad thing,
so why can't it just be even?
- Mom, please.
- It's more complicated than that.
How?
- These are adult problems.
- Why do adults always say that?
Stop treating me like I
don't understand things.
- Nico.
- Mom, I think you don't even care.
I care about this family
more than anything in the whole world.
You didn't even try!
[WATER SPLASHES]
[♪]
- What happened to you?
- I went for a spontaneous swim.
[♪]
And
- [HITS KEY]
- done.
Congratulations.
I'm proud of you, sweetheart,
for taking the next step.
- So. When are you gonna start dating?
- Seriously?
I hit "send" on my separation agreement
literally seven seconds ago.
- Perfect time to clean out the pipes.
- [SCOFFS]
I cannot fathom getting my
"pipes cleaned" at this juncture.
Anyway, I wouldn't know how to
go about getting a date, if I tried.
- Oh, it's easy. I'll show you. Look.
- Jesus, Mom.
How many dating apps are you on?
Different apps for different needs.
I'll help you craft
your rebound profile.
No. This case we're working
on has killed any possibility
- of me ever looking for love online.
- You're no fun.
- What about you?
- What about me?
Let's sign you up. Get you laid.
I'm not doing anything
that jeopardizes my chances
of getting Maggie back.
Are you trying to get Maggie back?
I've seen no indication of that.
I guess I'm scared
that, if I make contact,
it'll trigger the divorce process.
At least, if I do nothing,
we're still technically together.
Well, if Maggie hasn't
reached out either,
maybe she's thinking the same thing.
Hmm?
[♪]
Karolinka?
[TEARING UP] I can't go back.
My parents are counting on me
to send money and sponsor my sisters.
[SHE INHALES SHARPLY]
[GASPS]
[RETCHES]
[KAROLINKA PANTS]
You okay?
I have been so nauseous
and and, um
light-headed the last few days.
From all the stress, I guess.
Stall!
- Where are you going?
- A drugstore.
[DANIEL] "I cannot wait to be wrapped up
in your big, strong arms.
I cannot wait for
you to fill my hole "
"in my heart.
I want to grow old "
While this will surely make good fodder
for your romance novel, Mr. Svensson,
do you mind telling me what
relevance it has to the case?
I'm getting there.
Apologies, Your Honor.
There's been a new development.
I'm pregnant!
How do I know it's mine?
Of course, it's yours.
Who else's could it be?
Your Honor, surely,
this is a stall tactic.
Well, whatever it is,
you're gonna need to deal
with this somewhere else.
This is a courtroom, not
the Maury Povich show.
My client's not gonna pay child support
for someone else's kid.
How could it be somebody else's kid?
You don't let me go anywhere!
We're gonna need a paternity test.
Uh, the only way to get one
with the baby is in utero
is through amniocentesis,
which poses a risk of miscarriage.
I don't want to take that risk.
[JIM] Neither do I.
I've got a little Jimmy in my belly.
Let's hold off on the annulment.
You realize this means you will
have full financial responsibility
to Karolinka, if you get divorced.
Yeah, if we get divorced.
So now, uh, you're with child
Do you feel different?
About me, or whatever?
We will be a family forever.
And now I have to learn
how to cook and clean.
I'll be a mother.
[♪]
[REPLY CHIMES]
Seeing as my client created
their YouTube channel,
she should obviously retain
it in the event of divorce.
Except my client secured
most of their lucrative sponsorships
and built the bulk of their following.
Our subs came for your wardrobe tips,
but they stayed for my
wardrobe malfunctions.
Malfunctions that would
be a lot less tantalizing
if I didn't light that bubble butt
- within an inch of its life.
- [GASPS] Excuse me?
I think we're done for today.
Let's pick this up tomorrow, shall we?
Hey.
[SHUTTER SNAPS]
[ASH CHUCKLES]
- Can I hashtag the firm?
- No.
Suit yourself.
We have 2.3 million followers
with a median income of 200K.
[STAMMERING] On
second thought, uh, go ahead.
Use our hashtag thingie.
[♪]
[FLASH POPS]
[BUZZING CHATTER]
[BACKGROUND MUSIC PLAYS]
Are you gonna drink that?
- Uh, I don't really do carbonation.
- Can I have it?
I already took a sip.
[BURPS]
They stopped serving them
and I need all the bubbly alcohols
to get me through this
pretentious wankfest.
- Oh. You actually care about this.
- It's good for business.
That's what my staff said
when they nominated me.
Martina.
Daniel.
Stellar Singles, huh?
Do you mind? It's kind of private.
If it's private, you probably shouldn't
be on the app at
a meet-and-greet.
- Touché.
- [KEYS CLICKING]
You writing her a novella?
Are you reading over my shoulder?
I want to make sure we're
compatible before we meet up,
so we don't waste each other's time.
How efficient.
God forbid you share a meal with someone
who doesn't turn out
to be your future wife.
All right.
What do you suggest?
"Brevity is the soul of wit."
Just ask her if she wants to meet up.
[♪]
[BUZZING]
Alyse.
Hi. I'm here to pick up my stuff.
I think I got most of it.
I can help you carry the paddle-board.
- Where's Maggie?
- She's gone out.
When will she be back?
When you're not here.
So are you two a thing now?
You know I don't do labels, Lucy.
[♪]
[BACKGROUND CHATTER]
Found this. For the cause.
Bless you.
Oh, thanks for the
advice on the message.
We're having dinner at Jardin.
Mm.
- What? Not a good choice?
- Bit stuffy for a first date.
- Where do you suggest?
- Fodder.
It's new, locally
sourced. Chef's got buzz.
Okay.
Thanks for the tip.
[♪]
[ALERT BEEPS]
What in the actual
Why aren't you in your office?
The painters are in it.
I see you representing
yourself is working out well.
- Move it along, Harry.
- Mm-hmm.
The temp asked me to tell
you that Karolinka's here.
Why are you doing her job?
She said you make her nervous.
Jim says he's going to
get me deported again.
What? Why? What changed?
He's been recording all
my phone calls back home.
[SCOFFS] That's deplorable.
Including the ones to my brother.
- [♪]
- [INTERPRETING] What are you wearing?
Only my panties.
Should I take them off?
Yes.
You like that?
Yes.
You want that?
Yes.
You want more?
Yes. Yes. Oh, God, yes.
[WHISPERS] I'm starting to think
maybe she wasn't actually
talking to her brother.
[INTERPRETER] jelly from your donut.
[INTERPRETING] My husband
is a disgusting pig.
It makes me sick to look at him.
I can't believe I wasted $10,000 on you!
Objection. This recording
is from yesterday.
It has no relevance on whether
she entered the marriage in good faith.
She was clearly involved with this man
the whole time she's luring my client
with messages she probably
didn't even write herself.
- You're all gold-diggers.
- [JUDGE] All right. Enough!
I'm gonna have to take this new
development into consideration.
Let's resume tomorrow at two.
[♪]
[ABBY] Hi!
Nico insisted on stopping by
on our way home from school.
Well, I'm glad.
I'm here to see Grandpa.
Oh. Okay.
He's just finishing up on a call,
but I've let him know you're here.
- Thank you.
- Ahem.
Perhaps you and I could discuss your
revisions on my revisions.
- Privately.
- Sure.
Nico, why don't you get caught
up with your uncle Daniel
while you wait for Grandpa to be ready?
[♪]
- Hi.
- Hi, Uncle Daniel.
[♪]
- So good book?
- Yeah. It's part of a series.
Nice.
[♪]
[JERRI] Nico? Harry's
ready for you, Nico.
Thank you.
- Bye, Uncle Daniel.
- Bye.
[♪]
Nico!
Does my favourite grandson
want to check on how
his investment portfolio is doing?
I've been thinking we should
get you into media stocks.
Have you heard about my mom and dad?
I have. Sit.
In your professional opinion,
what are the chances
they'll get back together?
Statistically speaking?
It's unlikely.
I wish I never had have
brought Dad's stupid cellphone
to that stupid sleepover.
I don't even like that kid.
Your parents aren't getting divorced
- because of the cellphone incident.
- Yeah, they are.
Um, no offense, but
you aren't that powerful.
Nothing you did, or do in the future,
can change the outcome of this.
The whole family is going to be okay.
Happier, even.
This is the hard part.
- Cheers.
- Cheers
[GLASSES CLINK]
- How you doing?
- Mm. Lousy.
Not as lousy as Karolinka's
gonna feel tomorrow.
Barring a miracle,
we're losing this case.
I'm racking my brains for a new angle,
but I think we're out of moves.
[FOOTSTEPS]
- Hey. Can I get a ride home?
- Home? It's "home" now?
[NOTIFICATION PINGS]
Why are you still getting
a bazillion notifications
from that dating app?
Don't you have a date tomorrow night?
I'm not gonna find my
soulmate on the first match.
Dating is a numbers game.
[♪]
Hey.
Do you remember when
Jim said to Karolinka,
"You're all gold-diggers"?
Odd that it was plural.
Has Jim ever ordered any
other mail-order brides?
That would be confidential information.
I don't have time to get
a court order, Aparna.
Karolinka will probably
be deported next week,
divorced and pregnant.
I didn't know she was pregnant.
So if there's anything you know
that can help her cause,
now would be the time to disclose.
[KEYBOARD CLACKING]
I'm
going to the washroom now.
Please don't look at this
computer while I'm gone.
There is confidential information here.
[♪]
Jim
what inspired you to
look for love abroad?
Girls from overseas are
more likely to be unspoiled,
I guess.
Mm. "Unspoiled" by what?
They haven't been brainwashed
by all that radical-feminist stuff.
You seem like you're a real
connoisseur of foreign ladies.
Objection! Badgering.
Sustained.
How many mail-order
brides have you purchased?
Objection! Prejudicial phrasing.
He hasn't "purchased" anyone.
He's in an agency-arranged marriage.
Rephrase the question.
How many times have
you used the services
of the International Brides Agency?
- Two.
- Three, in fact, but that's okay.
Math's not everyone's strong suit.
Jim returned a mail-order
bride prior to Karolinka
and has already put a
deposit down on a new bride,
in anticipation of
his wife's deportation.
So what?
Karolinka isn't my first wife.
- What was your first wife's name?
- Llona.
Llona. And Llona was deported, correct?
Because the marriage didn't work out.
Mm. Why didn't it work out?
- She didn't honor her marriage vows.
- Which marriage vows?
- To love, cherish, and obey.
- Except "to obey" was removed
from standardized church
marriage vows in 1981,
long before either
Karolinka or Llona were born.
I didn't mean "obey" like that.
Just that the wife should follow
like, let me take care of her.
Hmm. And if a wife doesn't
want to follow, she
- gets deported?
- Objection.
Withdrawn. Your Honor, Jim
has been treating this marriage
like a shirt you buy
without trying it on first,
knowing full well you'll
probably return it.
Women aren't commodities that
can be returned to the manufacturer.
People don't come with
an exchange policy.
He is the one who didn't
enter this union in good faith.
We appeal to you Do
not annul this marriage.
Although the sentiment
was eloquently expressed,
and I find this man's actions
both repugnant and immoral
they are not illegal.
Therefore, I must grant
the requested annulment.
[♪]
I suggest your client get
a good immigration lawyer.
Okay. Thanks.
The immigration lawyer says
there's really only one way
to keep her in the country.
She'd need a job offer
through the Federal
Skilled Worker Program.
- It requires special skills.
- I-I don't have special skills.
I don't have any skills!
At least you'll get to see your family.
My family will be furious with me.
My father is already
ashamed that his daughter
is a mail-order bride.
I doubt he'll let me back in the house!
What about your boyfriend?
My ex-boyfriend won't
raise another man's baby.
[SHAKY GASP] This is
worse than if I never left.
[♪]
- Oh. She's going to pray.
- I don't think so.
I'm going to seek asylum!
Stay with Karolinka.
I'll contact you as soon as I can.
[DOOR CHIMES]
I found another way you
can help Karolinka stay
- Give her a job.
- [LAUGHS]
- I wish I could, but it's impossible.
- No?
Maybe you'd rather I told immigration
that you withheld information
about Jim's marital history,
which is a breach of your
fiduciary duty to Karolinka.
She was relying on you to
provide accurate information,
and you knowingly misled her.
I volunteered that
information to help you.
You can't hold it against me!
She can't legally work in Canada.
I'll take care of that part.
Fine.
[RAG SNAPS]
She can start Monday.
[♪]
No bread for the table,
fish baked with oil, not butter,
sub the rice for extra veg,
sauce on the side, and easy on the salt.
It's so nice to go out on a date
with another disciplined eater.
It is.
So you said you're a lawyer. At ?
Fleishman and Topher.
- And you?
- Svensson and Svensson.
Right.
And your profile says
you're a road biker.
I am.
- Have you done the Triple Crown?
- I have.
Unfortunately, the chef can't
accommodate your culinary requests.
- Can't, or won't?
- Sorry. Won't.
Really?
Fine. We'll eat at a restaurant
run by a chef who will.
Hello?
What?
Well, can it wait? I'm
on I'm on a date.
Okay. I'll be right over.
[PUTS PHONE DOWN]
I'm sorry to do this, but I have to go.
- My friend is having an emergency.
- Oh, no.
Do you want to reschedule?
I'll have to get back to you.
Things at work are super-busy right now.
Hey, Forty Under 40.
I hear you have some
issues with my menu.
Your favourite restaurant
in town is your own?
You would've known that,
if you'd asked me any questions
at that "Forty Under 40" thing.
So where did your date go?
- She had some kind of emergency.
- Ah. You got emergency-called.
What's that?
Move yourself over to the
bar. I'll explain it to you.
What do you think of this, Cordelia?
All the "track changes" get it away.
It's assaulting my eyes.
I-I think Frank is
using the negotiations
to put off ending the marriage.
I think you might be, too.
Uh, no, I'm not.
There's a word for ending a marriage.
It's called "divorce,"
and you're not saying it.
We were a perfect match on paper.
Are we back to this again?
I just don't get it.
Paper doesn't account for pheromones.
Think of all the classic
couples who never would have met
if they left it up to
online dating matches.
Elizabeth Bennet would have
swiped left on Mr. Darcy.
And what about Beauty and the Beast?
You think Belle would've swiped right
on a giant water buffalo?
Well, that was basically bestiality,
but still I get your point.
- What's in this?
- Pan-seared rib-eye medallions
with a mushroom-peppercorn sauce,
served with potatoes cooked
in white truffle butter,
topped with Gruyère cheese.
So every single item
on my "do not eat" list.
- Plus fresh herbs.
- [DANIEL LAUGHS]
Okay.
Mm!
Wow!
- This is gonna give me gas.
- So what?
We need to normalize farting.
So
I guess the question is
what do you really want?
I want off this hamster
wheel of drama with Frank.
I'm sick of playing out the
same shit over and over again.
Well, as long as you two are
duking this out on your own,
you're doomed to repeat the
same relationship patterns.
Yeah, as long as we're doing that,
I feel like I can never move on.
If Frank doesn't want a divorce,
he'll drag this out as long as he can.
The fighting is a form
of intimacy in itself.
Mm. What do you advise?
Well, for starters, any lawyer
who represents themselves
- has a fool for a client.
- [CHUCKLES] That's what Harry said.
He's right.
I understand you two go way back.
- We were at law school together.
- Just as peers or
Nobody likes a gossip, Abigail.
[♪]
Sounds like Nina is having
a pretty good time in Tokyo.
Yes. She sent me a postcard, too.
[ABBY] How was last night?
Great.
Stellar Singles algorithm for the win.
No, the date was a bust, but
the night was great.
- [ALERT CHIMES]
- Oh. Karolinka.
[♪]
[HARRY] I had a chance to watch
your YouTube channel yesterday.
[MUTTERS] You only
just watched yesterday?
I understand your specialties
are fitness and fashion,
but as far as I can see,
your following has been
built on your relationship.
- Aw! Hashtag "relationship goals"!
- We're aspirational.
- The fairytale.
- Exactly my point.
Fairytales, historically,
have happily-ever-afters.
- Where are you going with this?
- Their followers don't want to see
these two delightful humans divorce.
For that reason,
I propose that, if your marriage ends,
so does your shared channel.
It is a legitimate consideration
that your social-media careers
might not survive a divorce.
I don't ever want a divorce!
- Neither do I, baby.
- Well then, let's never get one!
If we know that we're
gonna be together forever
well, what's the point of a pre-nup?
- There is literally zero point.
- [ASH] Literally zero.
[BOTH GIGGLING]
- Ussie?
- Ussie!
[♪]
- I guess that means "ussie".
- Oh, okay.
Hashtag "fairytale"!
I give them a year, tops.
Without that pre-nup
I look forward to seeing you in court.
- [CHUCKLING]
- [PHONE CHIMES]
They hash-tagged us.
I'm "Bald Beauty".
"Silver Fox".
I like it.
- Yeah.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
- [CLINK]
[♪]
Hi, nerds.
Someone has been eagerly
awaiting your arrival.
Englebert!
I missed you so much!
- Thank you, Mom.
- You're welcome, kiddo.
I wanted you to know
that I hired a lawyer.
- Seriously?
- Cordelia Bernstein.
You hired the "Flamethrower"?
[NICO] Mom! Come on!
Just in case you wanted to get one, too.
[♪]
Glad you got your paddle-board back.
How'd it go?
[SIGHS] Luce.
[PHONE CHIMES]
What's that?
[CHUCKLES]
It's from a new friend.
- [FARTING]
- [LUCY LAUGHING]
[ANIMALS BREAKING WIND]
[FARTS SQUEAKILY]
- [CRACKING UP]
- [DANIEL LAUGHS LOUDLY]
[BOTH LAUGHING]
["SAFE TO SAY" BY SAID THE WHALE PLAYS]
It's safe to say
That I would be the last ♪
To bring a vex upon your face ♪
And I would be the man
to be the one to walk away ♪
[♪]
It's safe to say ♪