The Venture Bros (2003) s02e11 Episode Script

How you doing, Texas?
Staying frosty?
Better get your game face on
'cause that's
the Venture Compound over there.
Yeah, we lost a lot of good men
trying to take that hill.
21, why are you wasting
your breath on the new meat?!
Nine out of ten
don't even last a month!
Attention, my coiled minions!
Battle speech.
Smoke 'em if you got 'em.
Coil, my bright
and bewinged army!
Coil and prepare to strike
like the deadly sky-flowers you are!
- This is making me feel a little gay.
- You, sir, are a big gay.
awaits the enemies
of the Mon What?!
OK, so I'm getting the wrap-it-up signal.
Me, The Monarch.
Yes, all right! Fine!
Release the cloud
of deception/diversion!
- Here we go!
- On your feet, Texas!
- Go, go, go!
- Fly, my spangly vengeance!
Fly to victory!
Brock Samson!
More power!
I must have more power!
Look, Brock. His fingers!
They're twitching.
Yeah, well, a stiff will do that
if you shove a gigavolt up its ass.
No, he's alive!
Alive I tell you.
Sure, Doc.
Holy
Told ya. This is it, Brock,
The big one.
The holy grail of super-science!
Brock, cliché/
Well, great. Just great.
Now you broke his whole head.
Hey, there, bright eyes.
Feeling better?
So, no hard feelings.
I'll chalk your little strangle-tantrum
up to the surprise resurrection
and the adrenaline enema
and your basic criminal nature.
Hey, pop, why is the top
of that guy's head black?
Not black, Hank,
African American.
The top of that guy's head
is African American.
Dad, why is the top
of this guy's head African American?
Because Brock caved in his original
cranium, and I had to use whatever fit.
So, Brock killed him?
And you brought him back to life?
That's right, boys. Your father's
beating death at her own game.
Father!
No! No, no, no.
- Father.
- Oh, no.
Don't think of me
as your father. Please!
I get enough of that noise
from these two.
Darn! Out of gas.
Hey, gang, dig this!
Looks like some sort
of secret abandoned military base.
Patriarchal white pig square's nest.
Far out, Val. But something's fishy
in the state of Denmark.
I can feel a mystery coming on.
Ted, you said
I could see my parents.
This was on the way, Patty.
We've been driving
to my parents' house for ten years.
- You promised.
- Patty
being out of your box isn't a right,
it's a privilege.
Baby, you don't want to go
back in your box, do you?
No.
Sonny, Groovy, wake up!
Mystery time.
Please, Groov,
just say something to them.
Say a "hi" or anything
just so they'll believe me.
I'm not here to talk to them.
You are the hand
chosen by the master.
No!
Yours is the Wheel of Blood.
Yours is the sword of Michael.
Hey, Sonny?
Shut up!
Shut up damn it!
I can't hear myself think.
Come on, Sonny. Mystery.
your mystery, man. I'm sick.
Sonny?
Bet you'll come out
for some Groovy treats.
Why do we have to eat breakfast
with your dead guy?
Venturestein has been
through a lot, Dean.
- Venturestein!
- You like that?
- Sure do, pop.
- Good boy, Hank.
Dean? Right now,
Hank is better than you.
Anywho, the next phase of my work
will be to socialize Venturestein
to help him make the transition from dead
guy to contributing member of society.
Who says dead people
can't carry their own weight?
And maybe some
of your stuff while they're at it.
Dude!
Fly walking on your eye!
I don't know about this, Ted.
Patty, if God didn't want us
to solve this mystery
he wouldn't have had us
run out of gas here.
But what's the mystery?
You know?
We're not out of gas, man.
We got a five-gallon can
in the back of the Damn it!
Why do you hate God so much?
I don't hate God, man.
Well, God thinks you hate Him.
And that's just as bad as hating Him.
So, how about you and Groovy
go start looking for some clues.
Clues to what?
What is your trip?
Clues to why I don't chain you
to the back of my van
and road-haul you till you're nothing
but a pelvis wearing a belt.
Guy is pissing on your lawn, man.
What?
What are you looking at?
- Why does he gotta cry like that?
- I think you scare him.
I'm not the one
who froze his corpse
or nuked him
back from the great beyond
to be a half-dead
short-bus seat-warmer.
But you did kill him.
And then when I unkilled him,
you kind of did it again.
You hit him so hard
he's got an afro now.
Yeah! You're like fire
to his Frankenstein.
- Venturestein.
- Right!
And Venturestein is all like
"Brock bad!"
Mr. Venture, I caught you.
- Yay.
- As per our landlord-tenant agreement
I come to inform you
of a small gathering I will host
from say 5:00 in the post-meridian
until question mark.
Whatever.
Knock yourself out.
Any and all who hunger
to know the secrets of self
which stud like internal suns in the
inky lattice-work of our very minds
may join us
in our purgative journey of
Is that man dead?
No.
Once again, Mr. Venture
you cut decency to the quick
and leave her to die
in prostitute alley!
Prostitoo!
Prostitute.
- Prostitoo!
- Prostitute.
Brock, you're a man
of no small character.
- What say you on this?
- Not really my department.
But we two souls have shared
a cheese sandwich more than twice
and the stitched together quilt
of your stony silences
forms a tapestry
of quiet desperation.
No, it doesn't.
You are truly
a Grim Reaper, my friend.
But when you need to talk,
I will be there.
All right then.
Brock bad.
Good! Suffixed consonants!
Good!
Brock bad!
And that's the problem
with men, Patty.
The Y-gene is just
an incomplete X-chromosome, dig?
A man is an incomplete female.
Just a walking abortion.
Gosh! I hope Ted lets me
take a shower soon.
Zip it, gang.
Something's going down.
Oh, my God!
Who is Héctor Molina
and why do they keep
sending me his junk mail?
Heads up, kids.
Think we may have stumbled
onto a Dracula factory.
Where the heck did they put
African America?
I don't know, Hank
but it's not
on any of my charts.
I know. To the learning beds!
Dude, I am not getting in that thing
with stinky old Venturestein.
What's he doing in there anyway?
Dad said he needs
to socialize him?
Stand by
for Part 7-B of Volume One.
Take this time to reflect
Who's down
in the old manufacturing wing?
I'll get the flashlight!
I'll get the astronaut ice cream!
Hi! I'm Everyday Joe!
I speak for you because
Well, heck, I am you!
And sometimes
I catch both of us wondering
"Hey, what's good
about child labor?"
Yes, General Manhowers.
My Venturesteins could be
easily adapted to ground warfare.
I suppose their chest cavities
could hold quite a lot of C4, certainly.
That many?
No, of course!
No, that's wonderful,
General. Wonderful!
Good. Everything's
going my way, finally.
Cross that off the old to do list.
Come on!
Come on.
Look, grandpa!
I made a shoe all by myself!
Little Jorge knows
the satisfaction of a job well done
and so can you!
Just watch
and listen carefully
and soon you'll be ready
for a career in bonded servitude!
- See you in a jiffy!
- Vivan los zapatos/
Prostitoo!
Prostitoo!
Brock!
Think I might be
a tapestry of quiet desperation.
Excellent!
Everyone!
The sacred death vine
ceremony is about to begin.
Allow me to introduce
our guide
Don Rio Impossible Isabanco
one of the Amazon's
most learned shaman.
I can feel it, friends!
Tonight will be a night
of great healing and human oneness.
I'm not sure this is my scene.
Correction!
Dracula-Frankenstein factory!
The few remaining men
will exist as studs
breeding in the cow pasture.
Or they could go off
to the nearest suicide center
where they'll be quietly
gassed to death.
Come on, guys!
Val, don't.
Pray tell, Brock Samson,
you old so and so.
What burden does your soul carry
to our sacred circle?
I don't know.
Just not on my game today.
Something's not right.
You are a child of the past.
We must be children
of the future.
- Hang on a sec. What?
- Brock.
I need dead people.
Lots and lots of dead people.
I've got twelve
with the henchmen you killed
not counting the black guy
with half a head.
But we need
like 100-something.
We need like a full gross
of dead people.
Right, and where are we gonna get
all these dead people?
Well, I thought seeing as how you're
you know, you and all
I thought maybe
you could go out and
- No.
- Make some
- No.
dead people.
- No.
- Well, fine!
- Thanks a lot for not helping!
- Anything else?
Help me get dead people!
Soup's on, everyone!
Painted lips.
Schoolgirl outfits.
And the pretty hair, Sonny.
The hair needs
to be punished, Sonny!
Would ya give it a rest, Groov?
Start doing
the master's bidding!
You're already filthy
with wrath and sin!
- Halt!
- Who goes there?!
God, wow!
- A hippie!
- We better follow him!
- And how!
- What is this?
- Liquid extract of the death vine.
Your portal
to another world of consciousness.
This some kind
of Jonestown deal?
Let not the Dixie cup mislead you!
The death vine will allow you
to shed your ego. Only then
can the repair
of your spiritual whole commence.
What the hell.
Sonny, Groovy!
- There you are!
- Ted!
I'm losing it, man!
No Groovy treat
until you find a clue, dirtbag.
I just saw those kids!
What kids, Sonny?
The squares from back in Baja
when I was all freaked!
Don't you remember?!
Like, two years ago!
Me and Groovy
had just run into something.
Groov said it was a monitor lizard,
but I wasn't so sure.
And then, all of a sudden
Sonny!
What happened?!
They freaked me, man. What?
You think I need
this kind of heat?! Do you?!
- I'm sorry!
- Do you?!
Sonny, I swear
to the Lord God, my savior
I will kill the living out of that dog!
Shut that dog up!
No. No, no.
It's OK, Groovy.
- I got to learn
- Yeah. That's right. Learn what?
Got to learn to respect
and not to harsh Ted's mellow.
Boys?!
Boys?! Brock got
the X-1 started. Let's go!
Don't make me
come down there, boys!
These are my dress-up shoes.
Don't you see, Ted?
They have to be ghosts
'cause I killed them!
Yeah.
He was just this guy.
A guy in a butterfly suit
who got in over his head.
And I could see it in his eyes
that if I let him
get away this one time
he'd never come back. But
then I also thought, you know
kill him.
What kind of way is that to
One time
I'm on the Amazon in my canoe
and I see swim the dolphin
the beautiful dolphin
so, I slip out of my canoe
and I grab her this fish
and then I it, this fish!
Hell's that got to do
with anything?!
Hot dolphin!
You're an idiot!
Don Rio is a transcendent
multidimensional genius, Brock.
His every word
an onion of infinite leaf
his every pearl
Yes. This is coming on
30,000 feet.
Cruising altitude.
Oh, God!
Feel like I got a stomach
full of drunk bees.
Brock Samson
this is your chance
to find the way of peace
of positive
rainbow energization
and karmic repair.
Dried up little Keebler!
You poisoned me!
Venturestein?!
Change of curriculum.
You're going to military school!
Problemo.
You know what?
I think I
I feel a little bad
about killing that guy.
Yes, my friend.
A splendid first step ind
All right!
Yeah!
Just cool out, Sonny.
Look.
Val found some tools and crap
that I think we can sell.
For money?
- What are you doing?!
- Yeah! That's our dad's stuff!
Get off our property!
Sonny! You were right!
And this dog talks, man!
Think these guys
have a screw loose, Hanker.
Copy that.
No, no! Sonny killed you.
I'm telling you.
Like, they're ghosts, man!
Only one way to find out.
Super run-away!
You see, Brock Samson,
we're all one.
We all share the same need
for shelter,
warmth, fulfillment.
The secret of happiness,
lies not in conquest
but in empathy.
Better dolphin!
- Samson!
- Hunter?!
What is all this nambi-pambi feel bad
about good wet-work moose crap?!
You're beyond
good and evil, Superman!
- You work for the Government.
- What about
humanity and empathy
and all that garbage?
Who cares?
You're going to Special Ops heaven.
- Really?
- Really! And it's damn great!
A G-Man Valhala!
There's trim and guns everywhere.
We eat steak-flavored clouds
and poop secrets!
But you're not even dead!
You're a woman.
And you're a tool, boy. A tool!
Built for a single purpose
by the United States
of shut your third damn eye
for a reason!
You can't teach a hammer
to love nails, son.
That dog don't hunt!
Don't hunt!
Don't hunt!
I didn't think hippies had guns!
They're probably,
like, pirate hippies!
Find it, Groov.
Find it!
Ghosts don't run away from bullets.
So, what are you?
Ted! Like, look!
Dean?! Dean?!
- What is this?!
- Oh, Hank.
You're not ghosts.
You're the boys from Brazil.
Frankenstein!
I want to go back to my mom!
Prostitoo!
No! Another one!
- Don't hunt!
- Not so fast, los
Don't shoot me!
- Oh, God!
- Oh, God!
Mine is the sword of Michael!
I'm so cold, man.
I'm so cold.
Oh, no.
Well, Venturestein
I'd say that radioactive isotope
I put in your spine
is worth its weight
in radioactivity.
- Doc!
- What's going on here?!
It's bad, Doc, real bad.
The boys saw their own clones.
I think they're in some kind of
saw-your-own-clone coma.
Boys! Get up!
- Yes, sir!
- I hope you're proud of yourselves.
You've
- You've ruined the surprise.
- The what?!
This was going to be
your Christmas present.
A whole big army of yous
ready to think you're the coolest,
and do your chores
maybe eliminate targets
in high-risk combat zones.
But now you've ruined the surprise!
So I'll have to think
of something even better.
Even better?!
Now, get upstairs, you little Indians,
and wash off all that Chicanery.
Macaroni and cheese tonight!
Dad, you're the best dad ever.
Yes, I am.
Two, plus
Well, it's a start.
Prostitoos!
You got it, V-stein.
That's the game plan.
- Shoe!
- Oh, no, man, no.
They're not gonna give it up
for a shoe you made out of a dog.
- Shoe.
- Forget it, V. It's my treat.
Brock good!
Qué sopa más buena