Bump (2021) s03e03 Episode Script

1
I need an 'X'.
No 'X'.
Uh, a 'C' and a 'S'.
Or a 'K' and an 'S'.
Whoa! Whoa! Don't let go.
You're fine.
I have a 'K'.
Yeah!
And a 'C'.
Yeah!
Hey.
"God should pay taxis."
People will get it.
Uh
No, they won't.
Uh Just be cool. Stay cool.
Hey!
Oh, shit.
Oh, thank God!
I think my key is broken.
- What time do you call this?
- How was J?
She was an actual angel.
Madison, I assume?
How was the gig?
Boring. We ended up going
on a crime spree instead.
Drink?
Hi. I'm
Michael.
It's OK. You're not gonna get fired.
Fired for what?
Sleeping with his students.
Uh student singular.
I'm I'm only sleeping with
Really?
You realise that's
incredibly unethical, dude.
You're in a position of power
and you're taking advantage
of my little sister here.
Are we gonna have a problem?
Um, are we?
Bowie!
I'm joking!
It's a joke. It's a silly joke.
Get in here. Come on,
man. Nothing but love.
Nothing but Mwah!
Welcome to the family, brother.
Ohhh!
Hey, uh
So is that something you usually do?
Deface churches?
- Most nights, yeah.
- Wow.
It's kinda hot.
What's hot?
The fact that Australian churches
earn a combined yearly
income of over $30 billion
and yet still have the audacity
to call themselves charities?
Uh, yeah.
- Can you two shut up?
- Sorry.
Um
I'm gonna go, OK.
You OK?
Whoa!
Oh, for fuck's sake!
Sorry.
Hey, Ol. I gotta go.
I have a really bad feeling it's
one of my stepkids' birthdays.
Mummy's fine. Sometimes
too much fun makes you spew.
- Bye, tiny legend.
- Bye.
Oly, I worry.
Sorry, I was just vomiting.
Sorpresa! I have books for you!
- What do you say?
- Gracias.
Now go. Have some fun!
Let me guess. You're worried about
I worry about Santiago.
He's too porfiado
How you say? Proud, stubborn.
to say, "I love Oly."
You mean Keeks.
What is this word 'keeks'?
Santi's girlfriend.
He didn't tell you?
Novia? Girlfriend?
No!
For how long?
Well, he is thinking
about introducing her to J,
so a while, I guess.
Hey.
If you had a toothbrush at mine,
you wouldn't have to
brush your teeth here.
I like brushing my teeth here.
You don't have to drive me to work.
- It's OK.
- But I appreciate it.
Do you want to meet for lunch?
I'd love to but I can't. It's J day.
Sorry. Fuck.
- Ita, how
- Oh, you're Bernardita.
Hi. I've heard so much
about you. I'm Keeks.
I'm sorry. No English.
Sure. No problem.
Uh, we need to collect
some tomatoes on the way.
Let's talk about this at home.
That sounds yummy, though.
Beautiful girl.
Bye-bye.
Yeah, we just need to, um,
collect some ingredients for dinner.
Right.
'Cause it sounded like she wants you
to get back with your ex-girlfriend.
No.
Tomatoes.
Right.
Oh, thank you.
Mm. Is that cologne?
Is someone on a date?
It's just deodorant. And no, not a date.
I'm doing some research for my app.
Ah, the grumpy old man app?
- That's
- What's wrong with it?
It's not There's
nothing wrong with it.
I've just been getting some feedback.
- Complaints?
- Feedback is what it's called.
And, uh, the algorithm
might be a little off.
Apparently it's pairing
the wrong people together,
which is ridiculous.
So you're meeting the wrong people?
That's right. No.
I'm merely going undercover
to monitor the user
experience of my company.
Right. Sure.
You know there's nothing
weird to want a friend, Dom.
A lot of men get lonely at your age.
Yeah, but I'm an island,
so I don't need anyone.
Ooh. That might be him. Hi.
Just a latte with a half-sugar, please.
- Paul.
- Dom.
- How are you?
- Good.
How's it going?
Do this one.
OK.
Let me see.
What is it? What did we draw?
We drew Dah-dah!
A robot on a surfboard.
Oat latte for Keeks?
- Hey!
- Hi. Oh.
- Um
- Um
- J, this this is, um
- Deb borah. Debbie.
Debber son. I'm
I'm Debbie Debberson.
Hi. Pancakes. Yum.
Oat latte for Keeks?
Well, uh, great to see
you meet you, Santi.
And I'll speak to you soon.
Uh
- Or not.
- Yeah.
- Sorry.
- Just just
Apparently his mum dressed him as a girl
when he was a kid, which
I find absolutely hilarious
that there are generations
of confused sensitive guys out there
who thought they'd finally
found their model of fighting,
fucking, shooting, writerly masculinity.
You know, my dad certainly did.
But, you know, behind closed doors,
it was all about the feminine for him.
You know, Hemingway I'm
talking about, not my dad.
Right.
So who was Hemingway?
He Never mind.
Do-do-do!
What a beautiful
afternoon in our village.
Yes. We are all so happy here.
Nothing ever goes wrong.
La la la ♪
Lu lu lu la la la la la la ♪
La la la la la la ♪
Ahhh ♪
Oh, no!
What is it?
A tornado! Quick, get
the children inside!
- There's no time!
- Argh!
- Run, Debbie! Run!
- Who's Debbie?
Daddy's friend.
- Who's Debbie Daddy's friend?
- From lunch.
They smoochy-kissed.
But, Debbie, I love you!
So what kind of bands are you into?
Uh, pretty mixed,
like lots of '90s Australian
stuff, some Brit pop,
some rare acid jazz
one-offs, that sort of thing.
Mate, we have a lot of crossover.
Huh!? I would love to show you mine.
I'd love to show you mine too.
Hey, should we have another coffee?
Yeah, sure.
Ah, two.
I have to be quick. I've
got to go to an appointment.
Whereabouts are you off to?
I've got to meet my parole officer.
OK.
Yeah. Shot my wife's
brother three years ago.
I said it was an accident,
so I didn't have to do
any time, which was lucky.
That is, uh, lucky.
And, uh, your brother-in-law,
how's he these days?
He is in the ground, where
that little prick belongs.
So when's good for you?
And she knows you're coming, right?
Uh, I texted her.
I'm actually pretty claustrophobic,
so let's not keep me in here long, yeah?
Agh, ha!
- You good?
- Yeah.
Ah, wait!
OK. Go. I hate this!
Ah, stop! OK. OK, go.
Close it, close it.
I am calm. I am safe.
I am not dying. I am calm.
I'm calm!
What's that noise?
That is the sound of somebody
who has made a terrible mistake.
- What the hell are you doing?
- Wait, wait, wait.
- Before you go mental
- Too late.
- This is my day.
- Yeah, I know, I know.
But just listen. I've
got a surprise for you.
Oh, another surprise?
It was sort of a surprise
to hear that you've been
smoochy-kissing randoms
in front of our daughter without
discussing it with me first.
OK, well, I did discuss it.
You said I should introduce her.
To your girlfriend. Not Debbie.
Debbie is my girlfriend.
What happened to Keeks?
Keeks is Debbie. Debbie
Can we talk about this later? I've
Another big night?
Oh, so if I go out partying
all night with my friends
and throw up in the morning,
that makes me a bad mum?
Yes.
What about all the nights
you went out partying
while I was studying and
looking after our daughter, huh?
What about them?
Oh, so it's fine for you but not for me?
Well, the Oly I remember
thought getting wasted was dumb.
"The Oly I remember thought
getting wasted was dumb."
OK. Well, this was a mistake.
Yeah, it was.
- Oh, by the way
- What?
surprise.
Surprise?
Thank you.
- Back again?
- Sí.
Feeling hopeful today?
Well, always.
I had my IT team tweak the algorithm.
I'm just here to bed it down
and make sure that
it's working properly.
OK, well, good luck.
Here we go.
Oh, wow, I'm so sorry.
Your wife got cancer too?
That's rough. Yeah, I know, I'm sorry.
Did she, by any chance,
have sex with her oncologist?
Eh
OK, sorry.
So what you're saying, just
so we're on the same page,
is that the Earth is flat,
the moon is round,
therefore the moon landing was fake,
but satellites are real
because they track our thoughts?
Oh, I really like you too, mate.
Just, the app is primarily
for making friends.
If you are in need of a new kidney,
then I think there are better ways
to track one down, you know?
I just met some of the
worst men in the world.
- No?
- Yeah.
One of them tried to convince me
that Kamala Harris
is a Russian hologram.
I mean it.
I don't know.
I don't know how but something's
definitely off with the app.
Yes, the app, of course.
And please keep having
your man dates here.
They make me laugh.
Oh, well, I'm glad
I bring joy to someone.
What are you talking about?
You moved out, you broke
up, your mum was sick.
So much has happened.
Yeah, I guess.
Oh, and you're best
friends with Madison now?
Lol.
I really missed you, Reema.
I missed you more.
Despite your amazing,
glamorous, international life?
Don't get me started.
It's nice to be home.
Your life looks so shiny and rich.
That's literally the
name of the filter I used.
It wasn't all great.
Mm.
Yeah, uni hasn't exactly been
what I thought it would be either.
Though, I am sort of
hanging out with one of my tutors.
Ooh, scandalous. Mm.
Must be nice to have someone
on your level, intellectually.
Yeah.
So I was thinking maybe
I would stay for a bit?
Decompress.
Oh, dude, if I was you, I would run.
I would get out right now.
I mean, what's keeping you here?
Aside from your mum, of course.
Nothing, I guess?
It's funny, I thought you'd
be working at the UN by now
instead of getting wasted with Madison.
Well, not all of us can
just pack up and run away
whenever we want.
Well, I should go.
Oh, and I'm having
this welcome-back thing
on Saturday in the park.
You should come, if you can.
Bring your professor.
Tutor.
Dunno that you deserve it, though.
What about that politician?
George Anabasis?
Anabasis?
What about him?
Oh, you know, just the way
him and the anti-fasc are
gonna be there tonight.
But I I can see you're busy.
- Bad news?
- Uh, no.
It's just a school friend's
having, like, a
welcome-back picnic thing.
- Fun.
- Yeah.
Oly will be there?
I don't know. Probably.
You should go.
I don't even want to come.
It's too early anyway.
Too early to what?
Introduce you to my friends?
Yeah, I wouldn't want you
meeting my friends. As if.
Well, would you want to come?
No!
What if I begged?
I thought you weren't going.
I'd go if you came.
The thing is, Santi,
if there's one thing Debbie
Debberson hates, it's picnics.
Ah!
I guess I still have so much to learn
about Debbie Debberson then, don't I?
You haven't even scratched
the surface of Debbie.
Go to the picnic. See your friends.
Try to remember how to have fun.
And, uh, you're sure
none of your friends
know that I'm your tutor, right?
- Yeah.
- Good.
So, uh, how did we
How did we meet? Uh
Uh, I don't know. Bumble?
Oh, Jesus, that's grim.
What about, um, we bumped
into each other at a bookshop?
- OK.
- And I asked you out.
- Sure.
- Cool.
Oh, actually, no, wait.
Uh, you asked me out. Yeah?
What up? Look who's here!
Hey!
- Oh.
- Hey, how are you? Michael.
- Hey, man.
- Oh, sav blanc?
- Hey, I'm Zac.
- Oh, uh, Michael.
- Michael.
- Yes.
Michael, what'd you bring?
Uh
- It's a nice day.
- Yeah.
- Bah.
- Ooh! Uce.
- What's doing, bro?
- Hey. Santi. Gary.
Hey!
Do you remember me? I think we
went to the same high school.
Nope, sorry, wrong person.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Ah, you still smell the same.
Thank you?
And you grew a moustache?
Yeah. What, you don't like it?
No, it's It's nice.
I think it's really hot.
And you brought your cousin?
- Classic.
- Girlfriend. I'm Ayesha.
You must be the famous Reema.
Guilty as charged.
Well, help yourself
to some drinks, guys.
It was meant to only be school people,
so just introduce yourself,
everyone's really friendly.
Oh, and don't go in the water.
Apparently the harbour's
completely rammed with jellyfish.
- Gross.
- Right?
But it's not their fault.
Life must be tricky if
you haven't got a brain.
So how did you guys get together?
Oh, you know, just
Do you want to Yeah, we, um
It was at a bookshop. Um
I was going in and she was coming out
and we bumped into each other
and she dropped everything
and, uh, yeah, I helped
her pick up the books,
the multiple books, and,
yeah, then she asked me out.
- That's like a movie.
- Mm.
Or real life. Yeah.
Yeah, look, I mean, it's cute.
Not as cute as nearly asphyxiating
in the back of a ute.
- I mean, that's next level.
- Huh?
Your best friend, Reema.
She, like, surprised you 10 minutes ago.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that's how you make an entrance.
Yeah, that was That
was pretty amazing.
Now that I think about it.
Hey, Mads, my mate said
she saw you the other night.
You were hanging around,
like, a church or something?
Not hanging around. Vandalising.
Oh, no.
Tell your mate Oly's
tutor, who she's fucking,
made us vandalise a church.
- Didn't you, Michael?
- Hold on, you're her tutor?
No. I'm a bookshop worker.
Thanks.
Whoa, slow down. There's
ketamine in there.
- OK.
- Alright, go, go, go.
Oh, my God, I love smelly cheese.
Michael.
Ah, clink, clink, clink.
- Hey, everyone! Hey!
- Hey.
Erm, I just wanted to say
thank you all ever so much for coming.
As you all know, I went
overseas to find myself.
And I did. And she's amazing.
But what I didn't realise was
how much I would miss this.
I think sometimes you have to
make new friends to realise,
"Oh, no, maybe my old
friends are better."
Even if we've changed.
Anyways, I'm not gonna be
in town for much longer,
so everybody think of one
nice thing to say to me.
Be specific.
Crowd goes wild.
I never thought I'd be back here.
I thought I was leaving forever.
Yeah. I never thought I'd donate
my sperm to Talia, but I did.
Life's crazy, huh?
What?
Yeah, nah, Talia and her girlfriend
asked me for some help and I said yes.
Did you?
How cool.
To have a baby with Talia.
Talia's girlfriend.
Talia's girlfriend.
How absolutely exciting.
You reckon?
You're the only person I've told so far.
- You haven't told Alicia?
- Ayesha.
No. It's early days, so
Wow. That's great.
That's great.
If that's what you want.
It's easy for me.
It'll make them happy.
I dropped out of uni.
And I got divorced.
Ouch. Really?
Yeah.
That's intense.
It's good. I mean, it's not good.
But it's good.
Really?
Yeah.
It turns out doing everything
you're supposed to do
and getting everything
you wanted can suck.
So is that why you're not going back?
Who told you I'm not going back?
Don't tell anyone.
Oly's lucky to have you.
Not everyone gets a Reema.
That's true. She is lucky.
God, she's a bad drunk.
Hey, Olympia!
Did you just throw a jellyfish at me?
- I don't know. Did I?
- Um, jellyfish fight?
Is that a thing? Are you guys crazy?
I got you!