Grantchester (2014) s06e01 Episode Script

1
The measure of a man
is not in his beliefs,
but in his actions.
Who said that?
Was it GK Chesterton? Never mind.
Whoever it was
knew what they were talking about.
This vocation of ours,
it's about so much more
than just preaching the word of God.
It's about living it.
It's about getting out there
amongst the people.
Not just giving our time,
we're giving ourselves.
What we're doing isn't important.
Who cares if we're sleeping, eating?
These people need us.
We can't just sit
on the sidelines, praying.
What use is that on its own?
It's no bloody use at all.
Our door must always be open.
Day and night, night and day.
We have to do as well. We have to act.
We are the helpers.
Every minute of every hour of
every day, it is our duty to help.
- Might I make a suggestion?
- Of course.
Do you think perhaps
you need a little holiday?
MR REEVES: Welcome to Merries,
where there's never a dull day
and the sun always shines.
Leave your worries far behind you
and forget about everyday strife!
We're here to put a smile on your face.
This is your time to relax, to unwind,
to enjoy life to the fullest.
You can be who you please at Merries,
so put on your glad rags,
dust off your dancing shoes,
and get ready to make friends
and memories you'll never forget.
I wish you and yours
a truly wonderful day!
- ESME: Off you go, then.
- CHILD: Summer holiday!
CHILDREN WHOOP
I'm pretty sure hell is two hours
in a car with that lot.
Sylvia, where's my hat?
On your head, Jack.
I need to make a call.
I didn't cancel Bible study.
- Oh, no, no, no.
- What?
No talking about work.
We're on holiday.
- How was the train?
- Busy. What have I missed?
Will, talking about work.
- Oh, I don't talk about it that much.
- You're still talking about it now.
- Where's Leonard?
- Looking for his Gorki.
Ooh, Sylvia, they do donkey rides.
A-ha! Only Maxim can
get me through this torment.
To hell with Maxim.
We're getting drunk
and going on a pedalo.
Good Lord.
- TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS
- MAN CHUCKLES
- Davenport party?
- That's us.
IN UNISON: Welcome to Merries!
I'm Roy Reeves,
your most venerated host.
- This is the other half, Babs.
- We met at castanet class.
Yeah, I don't know what it was,
we just clicked.
- Click, click!
- THEY LAUGH
Sunny, would you mind showing these
fine folk to their chalets, please?
Absolutely, Mr Reeves.
- Castanet class!
- HE CHUCKLES
Ta-ra!
I hope you're all ready
for a merry time!
ALL: Yes.
Doesn't sound very merry to me.
Are you ready for a merry time?!
- ALL: Yes!
- Yes!
UPBEAT MUSIC
Yay!
Hi!
Didn't do this at private school.
Oh, good one!
MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY
- Sorry, we're a little delayed due to
- Snoozing.
- Good to know.
- We'll be right behind you.
Sorry we're late, we were
having a snooze.
- Sorry! Sorry!
- Having a snooze?
If you say so.
- Jack!
- What?
THEY CHUCKLE
Welcome, one and all!
Hope you're ready
to have some fun, fun, fun tonight,
you merry lot!
Welcome to the stage,
the one, the only,
Merries House Band!
ROCK 'N' ROLL MUSIC
When I get withdrawal
It just gets me down
A needle and a record
Is what keeps me sound
Fun (!)
Was there ever a more insipid word?
You know what I hate more than fun?
IN UNISON: Enforced fun.
If someone has to tell you
something's fun, it generally isn't.
Oh, neighbours. Nice.
I'm Sid Danker.
This is my wife, Margie.
- Nice to meet ya.
- Hello.
How do you do?
- Mwah!
- SID CHUCKLES
- You been here before?
- No, first time.
Quality of guest isn't what it was.
Too many Northerners.
- Is that right?
- CAMERA CLICKS, LAUGHTER
I'll tell you what, we'll get
on your table tomorrow, shall we?
We'll have a good chinwag.
- Lovely.
- Yeah, lovely.
- Wouldn't that be lovely?
- ALL: Lovely.
Scouts! I didn't cancel them.
ALL: Will!
Relax.
Tiptoe through the roses.
- Tulips.
- Exactly.
- Breathe the fresh air.
- Look at the stars.
Have a snooze, maybe.
It's been a while
since you had a lady friend.
- Romance, that's what you need.
- Find yourself a nice girl.
All right, all right,
thank you, everyone,
for that sage and unsolicited advice.
Photograph? Two bob for five copies.
Oh, lovely.
Smile. Come on.
- Say "Merries".
- ALL: Merries!
FLASHBULB POPS
ALL CHUCKLE
I couldn't help but overhear.
If it's a nice girl
you're looking for
She's not my type.
Too attractive?
Too friendly?
Too uncomplicated?
UPBEAT MUSIC
My sweet-looking woman
Ever so, so keen
Can't get her out of my head
She had eyes of blue
And lips of red
Well, I just can't get the woman
Out of my head.
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
The Merries House Band, everyone!
Weren't they fantastic, yeah?
Now, before we crack on,
regulars Margie and Sid
have been married two years today.
- Hurray!
- APPLAUSE
Come on, Marge, up you come.
Up you come.
Come on!
Ain't she beautiful?
Come on, give 'em a spin.
Give 'em a spin.
Happy anniversary, darling.
You're the light of my life.
Let's see how that light's going
in a decade, eh, folks?
LAUGHTER
Margie and Sid!
APPLAUSE
For goodness' sake, Sid,
do you have to make such a show?
Everyone's staring!
AUDIENCE LAUGH
Had my cheque book stolen
the other day.
I didn't report it to the police.
Nah, the thief spent less than the wife.
But that is marriage for you.
It a very expensive way of
getting your laundry done
I'm not sure I can sit through this
for the next five nights.
Try a whole summer. It's intolerable.
You know, marriage,
it's like a deck chair, innit?
It's ever so comfy at first,
bloody impossible to get out of.
LAUGHTER
- Whoa!
- Sid!
LAUGHTER DIES AWAY
Help me get him back to the chalet.
Quality of guest isn't what it was.
I've got 'em rolling in the aisles
down here!
It's not that funny, Sid.
Now, the wife, she said
MUSIC: "Goodnight Campers"
Nightcap?
I would, but I thought it might be nice
to take in the evening air.
Right.
SHARP KNOCK AT DOOR
KNOCKING CONTINUES
That's not the knock.
GENTLE BREEZE
OWL HOOTS
BURST OF PIPED-IN MUSIC
Simon says touch your knees.
Oh, they're playing Simon Says.
Do you wanna join in?
No? Oh.
Simon says hop like a bunny rabbit!
Hop, hop, hop.
Good Lord.
Oh, come on, I'm starving.
My stomach thinks my throat's been cut.
- I know. I understand.
- I've been here for 25 minutes!
- This happened last year!
- I want a refund!
Ladies and gentlemen,
if you could just bear with us.
Come with me now.
We'll be serving
breakfast as soon as we can.
Standards have slipped. Didn't I say?
Probably all those Northerners, eh (?)
Oh, looks like somebody
had the dodgy salmon.
Nah, I'm on my holidays.
- Guests aren't allowed in yet.
- I'm a vicar.
Wife's in a terrible state.
It's none of my business.
Police haven't sealed off the scene.
My only business
is relaxing with my thoughts.
Already seen the laundry men go in.
Guests leaving
without being interviewed.
Absolutely not.
Absolutely bloody not.
You might want to photograph
the body before you move him.
Detective Constable Gerry Wicks.
And who the hell might you be?
Detective Inspector Keating.
- I see.
- Technically, "I see, sir."
Wife says he had a dodgy ticker.
Few too many beers,
few too many ciggies.
Hits the deck like a sack of potatoes.
Apologies.
It's natural causes.
I'd stake my life on it.
Geordie, soil.
Here, you see.
He was dragged in.
Lidocaine.
Might not wanna stake your life
on natural causes just yet.
Was he taking painkillers?
Roy had a slipped disk.
It had bothered him for years.
- Was it bothering him last night?
- Well, I wouldn't know.
He comes here to practise
his routine after closing.
I was in bed.
Ah, thank you!
Thank you for your concern sir.
I look forward to speaking again,
Gerry.
You don't mind
if I call you Gerry, do you?
If you could be
as discreet as possible,
I would really appreciate it.
You seemed upset
by your husband's jokes.
They're terrible jokes.
About his terrible wife.
It's an act. It's not real.
A little close to the knuckle.
A joke isn't a joke
if it's not close to the knuckle,
wouldn't you say?
DOOR CLOSES
Five whole days without a carcass,
is it too much to ask?
We keep going.
We keep giving our guests
a merry old time, for Roy.
She seems pretty stoic.
Howdy there, fellas.
Howdy, Sid.
- Is it a murder?
- Is it the wife?
Sylvia!
In my Agatha Christies,
it's always the wife.
- Well, it looks like natural causes.
- Aw, poor chap.
Time to join our conga line!
- Conga line, Sylvia!
- Ooh, I love a conga line!
- Sorry about Mr Reeves.
- He'd want us to enjoy ourselves.
MRS REEVES ON LOUDSPEAKER:
Let's make this a day to remember!
The longest conga line yet!
Did you hear that music blast
last night?
It was ten past midnight, I checked.
Come and join the conga line!
Come on, you two, no excuses!
Because nothing says "in memoriam"
like a conga line (!)
- Is that an Argus?
- It is.
Bit old, but
I use an Argus. I've actually
just had some photos accepted
- for an exhibition.
- Really? We'd love to take a look.
LOUDSPEAKER: Calling Mr Marlowe
to the conga line!
Daniel Marlowe, hurry up!
- Duty calls.
- Another time, perhaps.
- Oh, Gorki.
- Have you read it?
Half of it. It's quite
Impenetrable? Dull?
So unbelievably dull.
LOUDSPEAKER: Calling Leonard Finch
to the conga line.
Leonard Finch to the conga line.
Hurry up!
Leonard Finch.
Bryan Stanford.
So, he's listening to this.
RECORD PLAYS
He slumps forward
MUSIC PLAYS THROUGH SPEAKERS, CRACKLES
RECORD STOPS
OK, but then how does he end up
in the ballroom?
Geordie.
Excuse me,
guests aren't allowed in here.
Sorry, we we didn't realise.
Ah, would you look at that?
Mm-hm, fancy (!)
This safe,
where does Mr Reeves keep the key?
- You shouldn't be in here.
- He's a detective.
- He's just doing his job.
- And I'm doing mine.
Perhaps you'd like
to answer his question.
Perhaps you'd like to obey the sign.
Ah. Mm-hm.
Enjoy rifling through
a dead man's belongings.
Does she ever stop smiling?
Sorry, you were probably
just being polite,
- saying you'd see my work.
- Not at all.
Beautiful light.
Not that I'm an aficionado.
- Firenze!
- Have you been?
No.
Me neither. I've never been anywhere.
Thank you.
I went to Morocco once.
It was transcendent.
Hard to find transcendence
in this place.
I can imagine.
There's hours' worth of Cinefilm here.
Oh, Margie gets about a bit.
Not just the Northerners
lowering the tone, then.
She's no ordinary holidaymaker.
She was working the camp.
Roy sets his male guests up
with Margie, takes these
Then what, he blackmails them?
Not exactly the souvenir snap
you'd want your wife to see, is it?
Well, would you look at that?
Well, that is certainly one way
to meet the light of your life.
INSTRUCTOR: Bodies square, please.
Right.
May I?
All right. Got my eye on you.
- Keep your hands north of the border.
- Sid, please!
SID CHUCKLES
So, how long you been coming here?
- I used to work here, so
- Let me guess. You're a dancer.
Dancer, singer.
Entertainment was something back then.
Local paper used to say
I was destined for the West End.
BOTH CHUCKLE
Is this where you and Sid met?
Place must hold happy memories.
I think you should concentrate
on your footwork, Mr Davenport.
Margie, we've seen the photographs.
The ones Mr Reeves took.
Excuse me.
Margie?
What did you say to her?
What is it, my love?
- Come here.
- Stop fretting, Sid, please.
I demand to know what you said to her.
Demand? Don't be so dramatic.
They know. About me.
What sodding business is it of yours?
- I thought you were on your holidays?
- So did I, Sid.
I saved her from that bastard.
What matters is Margie's with me now
and she's happy.
You got nothing to be ashamed of,
my love.
Do you have to make
such a song and dance, Sid?
You must've despised him.
Us, and anyone who met him.
- So, why come back?
- To rub the bastard's nose in it.
He tried to ruin me.
I got the girl.
I got the happy ever after.
Good riddance to him, I say.
Do you ever feel different
from other people?
I think the more appropriate
question might be,
do I ever feel remotely the same?
You know, I I look around here
and I see all these people smiling
and enjoying themselves.
All this inane bloody nonsense.
They're just having fun.
It is terribly inane, though, isn't it?
Being different isn't so terribly bad.
Better than being something you're not.
You'll go there one day.
Sell your photographs
outside the Duomo.
Make an absolute fortune.
No.
Sorry.
No, sorry. I'm sorry.
Bringing your wife back to the place
she turned tricks.
- To show off to your blackmailer.
- Who says romance is dead?
- Who turned tricks?
- Who's a blackmailer?
No-one.
I've set up the projector
in the main office, Inspector.
Thank you.
It's just a bit of film
I've got to watch, Cathy.
Natural causes, you said.
As natural as they come.
And Detective Wicks
will be here shortly.
Mm-hm.
Promise me there is not
a murderer on the loose.
What about the kids?!
Wouldn't fancy his chances
against our lot.
We don't know if it's murder.
Not for sure.
SHE SIGHS
Five days, you said.
Do you know what's worse
than enforced fun?
Someone that sulks their way
through it.
Don't be angry.
Why would I be angry?
I was convivial with Bryan,
he got the wrong impression,
- and
- Sir?
And?
WHISPERS: He tried to kiss me.
Bryan? Bryan, Bryan?!
Shhh!
Take it as a compliment.
You're a handsome chap.
He's a handsome chap.
I can't No matter how hard I try
So why don't you join me
And face your fears?
Stay still, honey
And I'll check your arrears
Pretty woman
There's no turning back
You've got to feel it baby
Like a train on a track
Overdose.
There's enough lidocaine to kill
that bloody donkey out there.
I still think there's a chance
it could be natural causes.
When was the last time
you had a murder case?
'36, I believe.
Where were you?
School.
I'll look this over for you,
how about that, hm?
I doubt it'll make much difference,
but if you must.
I need a rhythm
With a stomping beat
It's ruling my body
From my head to my feet
I need a small dose
Just to keep me sane
While the rock 'n' roll music
Flows to my brain
I can't live without it now
Don't you doubt it, baby
Well, you may think I'm crazy
But it's my desire
This sound Is just what gets me high
You can tell me to quit
But I'll have to admit
I can't No matter how hard I try
So why don't you join me
And face your fears
- Mrs Reeves.
- Evening, Miss Grant.
Lovely dress.
Were you aware
of your husband's dealings?
We having a merry old time?
Did you know he was
blackmailing the guests?
- Of course I bloody did.
- But you didn't stop him?
This place was my father's.
Then I married, and it belonged to Roy.
He ruined it.
That's the way it goes, isn't it?
So, yes, I knew what he was doing.
And, no, I didn't stop him.
Does that answer your question?
Lidocaine.
Injected?
Swelling in the throat.
So he ingested it.
With his supper, maybe?
Starting to wish
I hadn't had that hot pot.
He was fine on stage.
It must be someone who knew him.
- Excuse me, would you like to dance?
- Not now, sorry.
Someone who knew he took lidocaine.
What?
You only live once.
I think I was a little rude.
- A little?
- Inordinately rude.
Extremely, supremely
- Extraordinarily?
- Extraordinarily rude.
I'd love to dance with you.
You coming or not?
Now who's smiling?
THEY CHUCKLE
- So, tell me.
- Pamela. My real name's Pamela.
- Pamela's nice. Pamela's
- Middle-aged with too many kids.
Ha! And a husband she hates.
Pamela Smith doesn't get
top billing at the Palladium.
Besides, everyone here's pretending
to be someone they're not.
I bet even you are.
- Sadly, I am deeply uncomplicated.
- Uh-uh. No.
This face is hiding
all sorts of secrets.
Go on, then, try me.
You've got a love child.
Not that I know of.
Doomed affair with a beautiful widow?
Ah, if only.
There must be something.
I am my work. My work is me.
That's as scandalous as it gets.
THEY LAUGH
Do you ever feel like you work
because there's something missing?
- That got serious suddenly.
- We can do serious, can't we?
I love what I do.
I love making people happy.
Oh, I love my job, too. I just
Sometimes, I feel like
there must be something else.
Like what?
I don't know.
Yes, you do.
You know how this goes, right?
We have a few nice nights,
you go back to your life,
I go back to mine,
and we never see each other again.
Mmm, it's a terrible idea (!)
- Terrible.
- Truly, truly awful.
Er I'm afraid
I'm gonna have to stop you there.
He told me he'd destroy this.
He used you, like he used Margie.
Not like Margie. I'm not cheap.
You don't like
what Roy was making you do.
Him dying certainly put a stop to that.
You think I killed him?
- Did you?
- 100 times in my head.
But no.
Did you sleep with them?
HE SCOFFS
Is that all this was to you?
Just a way to blackmail me?
Oh, this is the most uncomfortable
bed I've ever slept in.
It's cheap and it's gaudy,
and I'd quite like Mrs C
to boil these sheets.
Doesn't seem so bad.
- KNOCK AT DOOR, OPENS
- Just a minute!
Might I talk with you?
Bryan.
I never had Sunny down
as a younger version of Margie.
Are you upset?
- No.
- You liar.
You're right about one thing.
You do not have a type.
From a nun to a prostitute.
- Geordie.
- It's almost biblical.
It's Roy.
Well, if he's in it, then who took it?
APPLAUSE
Thank you, contestant five.
And the scores are?
- Go on, Margie, get up there.
- I don't want to, Sid.
And our final pair of pins!
Go on, Sylvia.
Contestant number six is housekeeper
to Reverend Davenport
and his curate Mr Finch.
What did God say after creating man?
"I can do better."
And these legs are living proof.
- Bloody hell.
- Higher! Higher!
Lower! Lower!
Thank you, contestant number six.
And the scores are?
Well done, Sylvia.
And the winner is contestant number 6!
Oh!
APPLAUSE
This might be the happiest day
of my life.
Our wedding apart, of course.
You know they give it
to the old girls out of sympathy.
Know that from experience, Margie?
Mrs Chapman.
Excellent.
A word, if you don't mind.
Mr Reeves would set up the men
with Sunny.
I'd film them.
In flagrante?
No, Sunny would never go that far.
She'd dance with them. A kiss, maybe.
What other footage do you have?
You were filming
the night Mr Reeves died.
Er just his comedy routine.
"Comedy" in inverted commas.
Can I take this?
Absolutely.
- You're a clergyman?
- That's right.
It's a rather delicate matter.
Anything you say will be in confidence.
Your curate.
I saw him with a man.
They were in bed together.
That can't be the case.
Are you doubting what I saw?
I'm doubting your reading
of the situation.
What other way is there to read it?
- I'll speak to him.
- I should report it.
I'll speak to him.
Please, just just leave it with me.
Action has to be taken, Mr Davenport.
He has to be dealt with.
INAUDIBLE
Bugger. Nothing.
Let's watch it again.
No, no, no, you don't.
You're gonna have dinner with me,
then we're going to dance,
before you walk me out under the stars
to tell me that you love me.
Understood?
That sounds pretty comprehensive.
He keeps staring.
Have a drink, stop worrying.
- I'm so scared.
- Go on, you'll be great.
Roy promised he'd make her a star.
What she had to do wasn't her choice.
Roy wasn't there
when she made a play for me.
Who said she was making a play?
Did it ever cross your mind that
it was as simple as she liked you?
Not now, I've got butterflies enough.
I'm sorry. You can understand
why I thought what I thought.
That I was cheap?
- That your intentions towards me were
- Cheap.
- I'm not Margie.
- I didn't say you were.
I didn't sleep with them.
I'm not hitching my wagon
to the first miserable old sod
who can get me out of here.
I liked you.
Liked, past tense?
- SONG ENDS
- APPLAUSE
The Merries House Band!
Now, please, give a very warm
welcome to tonight's act,
Miss Pamela Smith.
We'll see.
Thank you. Thank you.
I've been doing some decorating
recently.
D'you know how many men it takes
to wallpaper a bedroom?
Well, depends on
how thinly you slice them.
LAUGHTER
A friend of mine once said
that marriage is
- The stout.
- What?
a three-ring circus.
- The lidocaine was in the stout.
- Engagement ring,
wedding ring, suffering.
LAUGHTER
Right, don't take your eyes
off that glass.
- Oh, bugger.
- No, no, no. No.
Look how much stout's in his glass now.
Maybe he got a top up.
Or someone gave him that glass.
I sometimes think wives
are like ventriloquists.
They sit there nodding
whilst the dummy does all the talking.
LAUGHTER
You know what I mean, ladies,
"Yak, yak, yak."
Ah, my grandmother had it right.
She buried three husbands. Three!
Two of them were only napping.
My granny was onto something,
she really was.
She said the quickest way
to a man's heart
- was through his chest.
- LAUGHTER
She wasn't wrong.
You put the lidocaine in your own drink
and you gave it to Roy.
I don't follow you.
Outside.
I have three pets, which is
pretty much like having a husband.
A dog who growls all morning,
a parrot who swears all day,
and a cat who comes home late at night!
If your husband
brings you flowers, ladies,
and says it's for no reason,
there's a reason.
There is most definitely a reason.
HE REMEMBERS: I'm not Margie.
I'm not hitching my wagon
to the first miserable old sod
who can get me out of here.
For goodness' sake, Sid,
do you have to make a show?
Everyone's staring!
Roy set out to ruin you, Sid.
You put enough lidocaine
in that drink to kill him.
- That's right, isn't it?
- No.
No, it isn't right.
It's pretty insensitive to bring
your wife here for your anniversary.
A place where everyone knew
about her past.
Perhaps that was the final humiliation.
You put the lidocaine in Sid's pint.
And then Roy accidentally took
the pint intended for your husband.
When Sid fell, you must've thought
it was all going to plan.
But he was drunk, not poisoned.
Sid!
I don't understand.
You took Sid back to your chalet.
- But he wasn't dying.
- SNORING
So you panicked.
And then, for some reason,
you went out again.
I still had the vial on me.
Had to get rid of it.
Margie, my love, what are you saying?
We know Roy was in his office
because of the music.
BURST OF MUSIC
And we know he made it outside
because of the mud on his shoes.
COUGHS
GASPS
You knew Roy practised his routine
after hours.
So you dragged him into the ballroom.
When I saw him, I knew.
Knew what, Margie?
That I'd killed the wrong man.
You don't mean that.
I don't understand. I don't.
You brought me here to score points.
How do you think that makes me feel?
Roy was the one who humiliated you.
You treat me like some kind of prize.
I feel worthless, Sid.
You were nothing but a whore
when I met you.
And you still make me feel like one.
- I saved you from the bastard.
- That's not enough.
- I gave you everything.
- Not love, Sid.
You never gave me love.
Even on holiday, we can't be us.
Bryan would be a damn fool
to take it any further.
It's more than that.
We can never be ourselves.
I long to hold hands.
Imagine if we could hold hands
every day.
It would become very dull,
very quickly.
Come here.
Right now, straight to the car.
Stop running, Ivy!
Knew that Margie
had a glint in her eye.
Oh, that's definitive.
I was right, though. It was the wife.
You thought it was Roy's wife!
You can't just pick any wife.
These are yours.
Thank you.
I've spoken to Mr Finch.
And?
I'll be taking up the matter
on our return.
I felt it was my duty.
More than that,
I felt it was a moral obligation.
I hope you understand.
I'd appreciate it
if you'd let me handle it from here.
Of course.
What did he want?
- Photographs.
- That all?
What else would it be?
Now, I don't know about you,
but I am really looking forward
to getting home.
Thing about this place,
everyone always leaves.
You could leave, too.
I'm going to. End of the season.
You're wrong, by the way.
I seem to be making a habit of that.
Maybe you work because you love it,
not because there's something missing.
Shame.
I think I could've fallen in love
with you.
MRS REEVES: Welcome to Merries,
where there's never a dull day,
and the sun always shines.
Forget work,
leave your worries far behind
and get ready to make friends
and memories you'll never forget.
For those guests who are leaving us,
we wish you bon voyage.
But don't despair, it's not forever.
Though you may be far away,
no distance can keep us apart.
We'll hold you safe in our hearts.
And in time, we'll meet again.