The Simpsons s33e21 Episode Script

1
Dick Gregory, everyone.
What a lineup,
but before we see George Carlin,
Albert Brooks, and Richard Pryor,
give it up for a new comic,
who I'm sure is just as edgy
and scathingly intelligent,
Krusty the Clown.
Hey, hey.
So, uh,
sports are in the news, am I right?
And the biggest game of them all is
the Super Bowl.
How is your comedy ending the war?
Even a hack's got to eat.
Uh, welcome to Worth-A-Try Burger.
We know you have a lot of other
choices to eat in this town,
and-and many of them are excellent.
Yeah, yeah, just knock on the can
when my burger's ready.
Here you go.
Whoa, that was fast,
the most important factor
in a good food experience.
That's thanks to this beauty,
the Triple Patty Flipper,
invented by me and my partner here.
It speeds up the cook-time threefold.
But business has been a little slow,
even with our new radio ad.
Taste our burger,
you will love it ♪
But there's a possibility
that you won't ♪
It's worth a try ♪
The place next door
is pretty good, too. ♪
Geez. You're the most modest
businessmen I ever met.
Oh, gosh, no.
I'm sure there's people
much more modest than us.
You schmendricks got to
triple-flip that loser attitude.
This place could be huge.
If you just had some shameless
schmendrick to promote it,
who knows what the future could hold.
Hey, hey.
It's Krusty Burger's 50th anniversary,
and I want you to celebrate with me
at Krusty Fest.
Meet all your favorite
Krustyland characters
from the good old days.
Burger Reynolds.
Grilly Cheese King.
Jack Pickleson.
Patty Meltin' John.
Patty Meltin' John.
I remember when he sang
at Princess Fries' funeral.
And we got hamburgers
at the original price
of 25 cents!
Marge, cancel that trip
you booked a year ago
to the Holland Michigan Tulip Days.
We're going to a cheap
hamburger festival!
Whoa, Me and the Space Clown.
They're showing the only copy
that's not in a landfill.
Don't die, Space Clown.
I love you.
Only one thing can save me now:
every kid out there needs to buy
a Mega-sized Krusty meal.
Full price.
Money is my oxygen.
Mmm. Mmm!
It's working.
The stupid kids fell for it!
Lisa, I got you one with a patty
that's 100% veggie.
Yeah, the burgers never had actual meat,
but somehow the sodas do.
I swore I'd never eat
a hamburger sandwich
made by that clown.
I got my reasons.
Oh, Abe, you and your reasons.
I'm sorry you're upset,
but it's nice to have someone
to be a little grumpy with.
Yup, we've always had a special
Grampa-Lisa connection.
You know, we do.
I call it "Grampsa."
Oh, that's why you always say that.
One pillowcase worth of
25-cent Krusty burgers, please.
How are you gonna carry
all these burgers?
Pillowcase full of pillowcases.
Boy, I finally have
something to pass onto you,
cheeseburger-ational wealth.
I've never loved you more.
Well, at least
they're having a good time.
It'll never last.
Every time a Simpson
thinks he's got it made,
life comes along and slaps us silly.
It's a curse, I tells you.
Burger hawks!
Punch them in the beaks.
- Get out of here!
- Go away!
Eh, the Simpson curse.
Oh, yeah, I love caviar.
Mmm.
Oh, so many fish
that'll never be fish. Mmm.
- Krusty.
- Mm?
I'm Augustus Redfield,
chairman of the RedStar Corporation.
Yeah, yeah, hey, hey.
Sarah, get this yutz a headshot
and sign it from me "with warm regards."
I'm here to destroy you
for what you did to me.
Change that to "regular regards."
Who the hell do you think you are?!
Hey, it's you.
Worth-A-Try Burger, right?
You doing good?
I'm the ninth richest
man in the world now.
Okay, warmest regards.
You stole my restaurant 50 years ago.
I plotted and waited until
your moment of triumph
to tell you this:
I just bought your parent company,
and you're finished.
You are immediately
fired from Krusty Burger,
The Krusty the Clown Show,
and Krusty Enterprises.
You can no longer call yourself
"Krusty the Clown,"
"Krusty," or "Clown,"
and we own all your
slide whistle noises.
You think you got me, huh, big shot?
Well, let's see what my loyal fans
think about that.
Attention, me-worshipping nobodies,
I am the victim of a coup.
This evil billionaire just
stabbed me in the back!
We love you, Krusty!
All burgers are now 24 cents.
Let our new hero speak!
Hand over your side hair.
And the top knot.
I finally have what any
billionaire businessman wants,
total revenge
on the clown who stole his dream.
I only wish that I
could share this moment
with my dear old partner
from Worth-A-Try Burger,
who helped me launch that dream
50 years ago.
Old partner? That's me.
No, it's not, Dad.
Nothing is you.
Abe Simpson, it is you.
It is. Oh
My old friend,
I am about to change your life.
Dad, it's not you!
Hey, hey, kids.
These burgers are "Worth a try."
And don't forget
the fries.
Wow, look at that crowd.
Who would've thought a clown
could sell hamburgers?
This Krusty guy falling into our laps
is the best thing that ever
could've happened to us.
Give me more cash.
But we already cut you in
for a third of the business.
Without me, there is no business.
I finally found my true
purpose as an artist,
selling cheap meat to fat kids.
Now give me half, or I walk.
Come on, what's it gonna be?
Tough banana skins.
And now to never regret this.
Welcome to Krusty Burger!
Yay!
And the burgers come faster than ever,
thanks to my patented
"Krusty Triple Flopper."
We knew he stole jokes,
but entire casual dining business plans?
Well, Abe, the way I see it,
when you get screwed over,
there are two things you can do:
give up or fight.
I'm a fighter,
and I don't care how long it takes,
I'm gonna get revenge on that clown.
Are you with me?
I never let myself get stepped on again.
I ruthlessly built an empire
till I was rich enough to ruin Krusty
and own six cable networks,
several deep-sea diamond mines,
and a company that makes
three-wheeled motorcycles
for old weirdos.
Whoa.
Abe, now that I've got
our burger business back,
I need you by my side.
I want you to sit on
my board of directors.
Grampa, you love sitting.
The board is meeting
in New York on Monday.
Wow, Dad, now you can be a Republican
because you're rich and greedy,
and not because you're old
and don't know how
to change the channel.
But what if I blow it?
Like I did all those years ago.
That's the Simpson curse.
But this time,
you've got a brilliant businessman
like Gus on your side.
You can break the curse.
Okay, honey, I'll do it,
but only if you come with me.
- Me?
- Yeah.
I can't do this without "Grampsa."
Oh, then I'm in.
Dad, since you've got a rich friend,
what about our special bond?
What about "Gromer"?
"Hampa"?
What about "Abe-Ho"?
Is that a bond? Is it?
Fly with me ♪
And you'll see ♪
My whole world ♪
Of shameless ostentation ♪
I adore ♪
Having more ♪
Than Bill Gates since his ♪
Separation ♪
Rich enough to buy paradise ♪
If they make it, I can hoard it ♪
Got to say I just abhor it ♪
I want to change the world ♪
You can't afford it ♪
There's no need for such greed ♪
But I love mass accumulation ♪
Best of all, it's tax-free ♪
Because I am technically ♪
A charity ♪
On a barge ♪
In the North Sea. ♪
You've got to be pretty classy
to show off this much.
Come, meet my family.
Let's find out who my
favorite child is today.
What have you done for
the Redfield empire?
Dad, I'm gonna start a religion
where you're the Jesus.
Think of the tax implications.
Please, please, think of them.
Dad, as we speak,
there are 10,000 influencers
at my island music festival.
Too bad the bands haven't shown up,
and there's no food, toilets,
or ways off the island.
No biggie, nobody died.
Well, nobody famous died.
Okay, I hope none of you
like Kenny Chesney.
Daddy, thanks for putting me in charge
of R&D.
Hey, R&D's my job.
It's research and development,
not racecars and downward spiraling.
My therapist says my rock
bottom belongs to me.
And now, it's dinnertime.
To be made by the original
Worth-A-Try partners, at
Our old stand.
Taste our burger ♪
You will love it ♪
But there's a possibility ♪
That you won't ♪
It's worth a try! ♪
Lisa, why don't we get some fresh air?
Are you enjoying the valley?
Because we could totally
change it to Mount Everest.
Well, we already rode
them down the Giza pyramid
and up the Burj Khalifa.
Yes, let's head back to the stables.
Oh, wheatgrass.
No, that's for the horses.
Oh, phew. I've been pretending
to like it for years.
My dad has done nothing
but ruthlessly build
his empire for decades,
but flipping burgers with your grandpa
was the first time
I've ever seen him at peace.
That's wonderful.
It's terrible.
He's gone soft in the head.
Really? He seems pretty with it.
Then why would he give
a seat on the board to a man
who tried to make a phone call
with a box of raisins?
Oh, I was hoping you didn't see that.
Grampa calls the raisins
"phone berries."
But I think this is
a golden opportunity.
Imagine how a progressive,
Earth-loving woman like me
could change the course
of this regressive,
Earth-hating company.
Oh, rebranding.
And not just performative.
For instance, we'd provide
more opportunities for
polar bears.
They're the only creatures
I wish had white privilege.
It's so exciting.
My dad is stepping down
and giving control to me.
That's amazing.
It's all gonna happen on Monday,
when your grandfather
votes to force him out.
- What?
- Uh
it's my turn in the room.
Ew.
Dad, look what they've done
to Krusty's show.
Up-bup-bup. You can't call him
that name anymore, or we'll get sued.
It's the Herschel The Comical Man Show.
I'm your announcer, Nothing Mel.
And here's a performer
who's not violating
any termination agreement
implied or in writing.
Him.
Hee-hoo, kids.
Say hi to Mr. Teeny-Dog,
who's not affiliated
with Krusty Enterprises,
its designees, or assigns.
Haw-haw! You don't control your own I.P.
That sure drained the confetti
from his fire bucket.
Dad is losing it,
and what are these "hamburger"
things he's making us eat?
I can't touch food with my hand skin.
Are you sure we've got the votes
to oust him at the meeting Monday?
Don't worry.
I'm just about to seal the deal
on my little blonde insurance policy.
Greenhouse gases ♪
Might be substantially reduced ♪
Over the next ♪
30 years. ♪
This movie is so moving and didactic.
You made this?
Chloé Zhao made it. I just financed it
and took three different
producer credits.
But this is the kind of messaging
I want my family's company
to put into the world,
but I need you to convince your grandpa
to vote to give me control of the board.
Oh, yes, but
wouldn't Grampa be
betraying his oldest friend?
It would give my dad the
sweet retirement he's earned,
with Abe by his side.
But that's fine, forget it.
We'll just let my company
continue its campaign
to sell handguns to dogs.
No, no. I'll do it!
Lisa, I'm so glad you made me come here.
Who knew having a purpose in life
would give my life purpose?
About that,
Sheila's gonna propose a motion,
and I think you should vote "yes" on it.
It'll be a nice thing for you and Gus.
And great for the world.
Just trust me on this.
Why wouldn't I trust you? We're Grampsa.
Let me take a selfie
of this perfect moment.
This meeting of the board
of the RedStar Corporation
will come to order.
Present are CEO Augustus Redfield,
Sheila Redfield, Colby Redfield,
Mav Redfield
Angela Merkel, the bald,
creepy Shark Tank guy,
TikTok superstar Charli D'Amelio.
What do you do?
Well, I entertain people on their phones
while they watch TV. How about you?
I am often the only voice of reason
in all of Europe.
Cool. How do you monetize that?
I don't.
And Abraham Simpson.
Welcome, my old friend.
I have a motion to introduce.
Daddy, you are the greatest human
to ever walk the planet.
So, I say this out of devotion,
respect and pure love.
You're a dinosaur,
and it's time to turn into oil
to fuel the next generation.
What did you say?
This is a vote of no confidence.
Your mind has turned to tapioca.
You are out as CEO, and I'm in.
You're gonna be Cousin
Greg's intern now.
All right, so, uh,
I mostly just get sandwiches
for the security guards,
but it's more complicated
than it sounds.
There's, like, five kinds of bread now.
This is a nice thing?
Oh, it sounded nicer
after our virtual horseback ride.
Do all of you kids feel this way?
Yes, Dad. Right?
Um yeah-o?
Sure, w-why not? Unless, yes.
I mean, whatever, it's all good.
Unless it's bad.
We have a motion of no confidence.
All in favor?
All against?
Hey, hey ♪
So watch me while I work. ♪
The vote is tied at three to three.
Mr. Simpson, you're the tiebreaker.
I'm gonna do what I
didn't do 50 years ago,
stick with my old pal Gus.
I'm voting "no."
Well, all I can say is
My plan worked!
I win!
We've been Wonka-ed.
- What?
- You led this coup against me.
You're out. You get nothing!
Tell Megan Ellison
she's my daughter now.
She'll be there at your
birthday dinner tomorrow night.
You voted with her; you're out, too.
I love you, Dad. You smell so good.
You idiots really think I'd
throw away the company I built
to wear a paper hat with this old fool?
Fool?
You mean you only brought me here
to smoke out your backstabbing children?
Don't you see? I had to.
I learned 50 years ago that
I'm surrounded by Krustys.
Everywhere, Krustys.
Even I am zis Krusty?
But you made it happen, Abe,
my sweet loyal pawn.
I win because you voted no.
Oh, Grampa, you got stepped on again,
and it's all my fault.
Hold your horseradish!
When I voted "no,"
I was talking about the
Japanese Noh theater,
which I saw plenty of when
I was stationed in the Pacific,
stranded on a raft made
of Dear John letters
and mermaid hair.
I married one of those mermaids,
but she was a reverso,
fish head and lady gams.
That, plus a thousand other things,
made me what I am today
mentally incompetent.
Isn't mental incompetence
grounds for voiding a vote?
Well, as the family lawyer
and psychopharmacologist,
it certainly is.
Abraham Simpson's vote is nullified.
The count now stands
at three to three a tie.
We'll be hopelessly deadlocked.
The company will grind to a halt.
Eh, tough banana skins.
Grampa, you outplayed
a room full of players.
One of whom played me.
I'm so sorry we didn't
break that Simpsons curse.
Eh, nertz to that curse.
Every terrible decision
I made in my life
led to me having you
as my granddaughter.
So, I say,
I'm one pretty lucky old guy.
Herschel, such gorgeous
potatoes I've never seen.
Thank you, Nehorai.
It feels good to finally
find inner peace.
Gus Redfield was only
using Krusty Burger
as a pawn in a bitter family war.
You can have it back
for the price of the notary fees.
I can be a clown again.
He was a clown?
He was, like, the least funny person
on this socialist commune.
Shh!