The Simpsons s33e22 Episode Script

Poorhouse Rock

1 Llama, llama, llámame ♪ Llama, llámame, llámame ♪ Llama, llama, llama ♪ Mmm, cookies.
They're not cookies, they're biscuits.
That's British for cookies.
And they're not for you or you or you.
Or you or you.
Not you.
Not for you.
D'oh! These treats are for my lady friends.
They're coming over to watch a very classy historical British streaming show, and none of you are invited.
Aw Cor blimey.
Ow! Now here's a distraction for each of you.
I downloaded you a podcast about beers that you don't hear much about anymore.
Ooh, there's a whole episode about Löwenbräu.
If no one minds, I brought a few beverages to lubricate the evening.
- Me, too.
- Same.
- Way ahead of you.
So what the hell are we waiting for? Let's dial up the Netflix.
I've got Helen Lovejoy's password.
She came to live with us when she and the Reverend were taking a break.
She swore me to secrecy about that, but whoops.
The Springfield ladies had a marvelous time journeying back to an era when England was filled with eligible young ladies in corsets courted by hot, multiracial dudes with rock-hard abs.
The writing on this show is amazing.
Men can have muscles on their chests now? The ad in the beer podcast is an ad for beer.
That is so smart.
I've just swum back from Europe.
We've just won the Battle of Knicker-bulge.
Let us all doff our clothes in triumph.
¡Ay, caramba! Bart, don't watch that.
Now go to bed.
Oh! Mmm, looks like the Earl of Sixpackingham is showing the whole walking stick.
Ooh, I'll drink to that.
Honey, what's wrong? You look like what I see in the mirror every morning.
Also, a strange blender is on your nightstand.
I think I drank just a toonsie-teensy bit too much with the girls last night.
Marge, you need to take a long look at yourself.
We can't be a two-hangover household.
We just can't.
I'm sorry, sweetie, but I just don't think I can go to church this morning.
Oh, my Aw No church? Oh, no.
Well, I guess I'll have to find another way to spend my Sunday.
Mmm, chest chips.
I meant you'll have to take the kids to church - on your own.
- D'oh! Aw, it's not fair.
I always go to church hungover.
It's always the committed drinkers who get punished.
Boozehounds just can't catch a break.
Praise God from whom all praisings flow ♪ Praise praise and let all praisings go ♪ Praise, praise, praise, praise ♪ Praise, praise, praise, praise.
♪ You know, hymns like that make God come off a little thirsty.
Now I'd like to invite our littlest angels to head to Sunday school with Mrs.
Try spending a weekend with her in the Wisconsin Dells.
This week's Junior Jesus Jamboree topic is "Honor Thy Mother and Father.
" - Who would like to go first? - Oh! Oh! Sunday school presentations don't affect my grades and won't help me get into college, and I'm not even a practicing Christian, but I still have a sick need to excel, so pick me! Pick me! Pick me! I think we'll start with Hmm.
Bart Simpson.
Oh, but I'm guessing you forgot all about your presentation.
You know, Helen, for a woman of faith, you have so little of it in me.
For this assignment, I was born ready.
Well, it's not hard to honor my mother.
Marge is a class act all the way.
As for my father, well, with a dad like Homer Simpson, how could I not honor him? He's so hardworking and dignified.
And he carries himself with such class and panache.
Mascot, oh, goes for the kiss and, oh, he goes into the proposal with the bouquet.
Tosses it away and he faints out of love, and the big, fat guy is having none of it and he's giving chase.
- The fat guy is on the field.
- Come here, you.
And the Freak is running away, and he's using the players as obstacles.
And now he's smashing his You know something, that's just not right.
Lord, you are truly great ♪ We are wretched but devout ♪ Your hair looks really awesome ♪ And have you been working out? ♪ Sweetie, do your thing.
Baby coming through.
Crying now and pooping soon.
- Hmm.
- As you can see, wherever my dad goes, people cheer.
Look, if you didn't want me to pee in a cup, then the movie should have commercials.
Whiz break! Whiz break! Whiz break! Get him out of here.
In conclusion, I honor my father because he is not not not not a loser.
One, two, three, four.
That's an even number of nots.
He thinks I'm a loser.
How dare you show your peers a supercut of me at my worst?! Haw-haw! Haw-haw-haw! Huh? I hate the Welsh, but I hate you even more! My son has no respect for me.
He shamed me in front of the whole Sunday school.
Even Ralph.
What about all the videos of me not being a loser? Where were they? Oh, boy.
It's so sad that kids just use cameras for shaming.
We've raised a generation that only loves fails.
My fails.
At least I have a lady to rub my face.
Bart's gonna spend the rest of his life lotioning himself.
Maybe Bart doesn't understand how hard you work to provide for this family.
When I was a girl, my father took me to work with him one day.
I felt so proud when I saw him playing pizza in that antacid commercial.
That's what I should do.
Take Bart to work.
Then he'll be proud of me.
Pizza proud.
Seven, eight and nine.
Oh! Watch me work and be proud, you jerk.
I don't want to hear your friends tell me how big I've gotten.
Well-played, big man.
Larry! Slap a guest badge on him! Larry! And this thing over here is if the core gets too hot.
I'm all over that.
And this dealie over here is if the core goes missing.
Has that ever happened? Not on my watch.
And the way you can be sure is that everyone you know isn't dead.
- Hmm.
- Hey, Homer.
Monday morning doughnuts are here.
Take your pick.
Chocolate frosted? Maple bar? Better hurry or you're gonna get plain.
Do you have to pay for 'em? Sure, technically.
It's an honor system.
A pop machine full of free pop.
A TV showing that jerk Dr.
A poster on how to choke a guy.
I think that's for after you choke him.
Simpson, I need that updated spreadsheet on the hard water degradation rate.
Watch this.
I told you interns to spread-date the graduation on the hard lemonade.
So find out what I'm talking about - and get it done! - Yes, Mr.
And you get free markers? When I get back to school, I'm gonna go Sistine Chapel on those toilet stalls.
Why wait? Here you go, Simpson.
Best part of the job.
You know it, Linda.
Dad, is that your paycheck? Sure is.
- Can I see it? - I'll do you one better.
Give it to me in singles.
Minus the 8.
5% check-cashing fee.
I didn't ask for your life story.
And here's what makes it all worthwhile.
You get all that every week? Every two weeks.
Ah, the laugh of respect.
Oh, my God, is it picture day? Lisa, quick, let me fix your hair.
Ow! It's not picture day, and my hair's not pasta.
I am dressed this way to honor Dad.
I never thought about it, but Homer makes enough to pay for this awesome crib, two cars, with enough left over to fill the freezer with three kinds of french fries: waffle, curly and steak-cut.
Dad, all these years I thought you were just some uncool roommate that I got stuck with.
Now I realize you're a winner.
And that's why I want to be a nuclear safety inspector.
Marge, he doesn't just respect me.
He wants to be me.
What a feeling.
Oh this must be how LeBron feels about Bronny.
Just like you, Dad, I can't wait to live the American dream.
Well, actually - What? - Oh, nothing.
Pew, pew, pew! I'm a superstar spaceman.
I'm a modern superhero.
I can fly, but I can't process my own trauma.
I'm a nuclear safety guy.
I get tons of money for not blowing the town up.
Well, the thing about that is - What? - Nothing.
Forget I said anything.
Hey, Dad, guess what.
I made a homemade ID badge, and Larry just waved me in.
Where is he? Oh, man, what a gig.
Homer's got it made.
He sure does.
So, you're visiting your old man at work today? I sure am.
And this sweet job will be mine someday.
- Wha? - Hate to burst your bubble, kid, but the kind of job your dad has - just doesn't exist anymore.
- Why not? Well, there's no simple answer to that.
- All right.
See you later.
- Bart, come with me to a magical place far in the past: America in the 20th century.
Uh, sure.
But you better not start singing.
1945, we won the war ♪ Our boys came back to the factory floor ♪ The good times rolled, and smiles were on our faces ♪ With plentiful jobs for folks of all ages ♪ Even dumb slobs made excellent wages ♪ The country was booming ♪ Though still pretty racist ♪ Oh, and so it came to pass ♪ With hard work and grit and brass ♪ Bit by bit, we built ♪ - Our middle class ♪ - Nice little middle class ♪ I need cash for food and gas ♪ Black light posters, beer and grass ♪ Time for me to join the middle class ♪ Oh, boy, that middle class ♪ Go join that middle class ♪ Well, I'm not smart, I'm not a go-getter ♪ My drinking problem's not getting better ♪ What job could I possibly do? ♪ - Nuclear safety inspector ♪ - Whoo-hoo! Your dad and his buddies had it swell ♪ But gradually it all went to hell ♪ Factories closed, unemployment would spike ♪ Here to explain it is Robert B.
Reich ♪ The decline of unions, rampant corporate greed, Wall Street malfeasance and the rise of shortsighted politics all contributed to increased economic inequality, widespread real unemployment, wage stagnation, and a lower standard of living for millions of Americans.
They chopped salaries to raise stock prices ♪ Cut up the pie and kept all the slices ♪ Tax breaks went to CEOs ♪ Never trickling down to average joes ♪ And so it came to pass ♪ Greedy rich men kicked our ass ♪ Fiddling while they burned our middle class ♪ Poor little middle class ♪ All right, thanks for the history lesson, nerds.
But what does any of this have to do with me? You see, my dad's still working, and I want to be just like him.
I'm sure you do.
But there's something else you need to learn, and my friend here is happy to teach you.
Ugh, you.
For days, you've been dying to say something.
Just spill it.
You want a job like Dad? Too bad, so sad ♪ - You'll never have the life our flabby dad had ♪ - Yeah ♪ What can he do that a robot can't? ♪ These Oreos taste like nuclear plant ♪ Yo, all I need is a foot in the door ♪ And I'll take Dad's job when he dies at 44 ♪ That job you see now needs a PhD ♪ - While paying student loans leaves you in poverty ♪ - What? ♪ - No brand-new car, no fancy house ♪ - No, cool ♪ - No hot dinners cooked by your stay-at-home spouse ♪ - Yeah ♪ You're gonna pinch every dollar and cent ♪ And you'll still have to choose ♪ Between health care and rent ♪ I'll probably just buy a PlayStation 6.
You're naive, but it'll pass ♪ - They'll repo your skateboard, you'll grow up fast ♪ - Mm-hmm ♪ He's Jeff Bezos, we're just bozos ♪ Goodbye, middle class ♪ These are facts, they're not controversial ♪ We can't even afford what they sell in this commercial.
♪ Okay, so, you're saying maybe I'll have a tough time getting a job like my dad's.
No, no, I'm saying you'll definitely never get a job like your dad's, and you'll have a tough time finding something significantly worse.
Thanks for the song and dance, but I think I'm gonna be just fine.
'Cause there's a lot of new ways a guy can make a dollar ♪ I'll ride the money train, make it rain, holla ♪ I'll buy and sell Bitcoin, build a new app ♪ Do pranks on YouTube, I'm great at that crap ♪ Film TikTok tricks on my sick motorbike ♪ - Your chances are slim ♪ - Go to hell, Robert Reich ♪ Those aren't careers, they're a million to one ♪ You ain't that lucky and you ain't smart, son ♪ Who gives a damn? I'll find my new jam ♪ As an influencer on Instagram ♪ If all else fails, I got backup plans ♪ I can shake my cans on OnlyFans.
♪ No.
Just no.
Okay, great.
So I have no options whatsoever.
Smell you later, dude.
Isn't it infuriating? We'll never live as well as they did.
Why doesn't anyone do anything about this? Well, there's an answer to that, but it's not one you'll like.
Moe the bartender, serve it up on the mic ♪ So, greedy politicians write bad laws ♪ Throwing goodies to the rich like Santy Claus ♪ They chew up us poors, who votes for these guys? ♪ All my friends are dropping like flies ♪ And where are these voters getting their cues? ♪ Putin for president, next on Fox News ♪ And that's why our system is so out of order? ♪ Cross-dressing drug fiends are crossing our border ♪ We vote for gun nuts and climate deniers ♪ Lunatics from QAnon and con men and liars ♪ They shred our safety net and gut Medicare ♪ But they get our vote ♪ 'Cause we're incredibly easy to scare ♪ Cable news declares we're doomed ♪ And Facebook feeds our fright ♪ They convince us things were great ♪ When gas was cheap and men were white ♪ So we rally round the crooks ♪ And the creepy and the crass ♪ The vengeful id of our vanishing middle class ♪ So, as you can see, Bart Bart? I get it, dude, abandon hope ♪ We can't escape our slippery slope ♪ The future's a sandwich made of poo ♪ Just tell me, what do you want me to do? ♪ Burn it.
"Burn it"? Burn what? Well, that's up to you.
All I know is what a janitor knows.
If it's broke, don't wait till later ♪ Chuck it in the incinerator ♪ Hmm.
I do enjoy destroying things.
And this tie looks flammable.
Wait, Bart, I meant the system.
Burn it down and then reform it.
It was a metaphor.
I never learned what that word means.
- Our education system is also terrible.
- No! And so it comes to pass ♪ Strike a match and raise a glass ♪ All dreams die ♪ So goodbye, middle class ♪ Oh, my God.
Oh, so this is real? Help! I want to live to see the future, even if it's gonna be incredibly crappy! You saved me.
Hang on tight, you'll be okay ♪ Thanks! By the way, how good's your pay? Pay's good, and pension's great when we retire ♪ - Nice.
- Sweet health plan plus cool hat and boots ♪ We're always hiring new recruits ♪ 'Cause luckily the planet is on fire ♪ Even the ocean ♪ Mom, Dad, I figured out what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna be a fireman.
Well, it is true that fire isn't going anywhere.
But you still hold me in high regard ♪ - Eat my shorts, you tub of lard ♪ - D'oh! We save lives and look badass ♪ And we whistle as they pass ♪ The last men standing ♪ In our middle ♪ Class.
♪ - What the hell was that? - From what I can gather, a singing janitor took Bart on a magical journey through America's postwar economy.
Also, Lisa was a rapper.
I'm a little concerned that Bart set his tree house on fire.
It does seem like an escalation.
Maybe we can use this opportunity to upgrade the backyard.
We could get a gazebo.
That'd be nice.
I just read through our homeowners policy.
We're not covered for musical numbers.
- D'oh! - D'oh! Shh!
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