The Simpsons s33e21 Episode Script

Meat Is Murder

1 Dick Gregory, everyone.
What a lineup, but before we see George Carlin, Albert Brooks, and Richard Pryor, give it up for a new comic, who I'm sure is just as edgy and scathingly intelligent, Krusty the Clown.
Hey, hey.
So, uh, sports are in the news, am I right? And the biggest game of them all is the Super Bowl.
How is your comedy ending the war? Even a hack's got to eat.
Uh, welcome to Worth-A-Try Burger.
We know you have a lot of other choices to eat in this town, and-and many of them are excellent.
Yeah, yeah, just knock on the can when my burger's ready.
Here you go.
Whoa, that was fast, the most important factor in a good food experience.
That's thanks to this beauty, the Triple Patty Flipper, invented by me and my partner here.
It speeds up the cook-time threefold.
But business has been a little slow, even with our new radio ad.
Taste our burger, you will love it ♪ But there's a possibility that you won't ♪ It's worth a try ♪ The place next door is pretty good, too.
♪ Geez.
You're the most modest businessmen I ever met.
Oh, gosh, no.
I'm sure there's people much more modest than us.
You schmendricks got to triple-flip that loser attitude.
This place could be huge.
If you just had some shameless schmendrick to promote it, who knows what the future could hold.
Hey, hey.
It's Krusty Burger's 50th anniversary, and I want you to celebrate with me at Krusty Fest.
Meet all your favorite Krustyland characters from the good old days.
Burger Reynolds.
Grilly Cheese King.
Jack Pickleson.
Patty Meltin' John.
Patty Meltin' John.
I remember when he sang at Princess Fries' funeral.
And we got hamburgers at the original price of 25 cents! Marge, cancel that trip you booked a year ago to the Holland Michigan Tulip Days.
We're going to a cheap hamburger festival! Whoa, Me and the Space Clown.
They're showing the only copy that's not in a landfill.
Don't die, Space Clown.
I love you.
Only one thing can save me now: every kid out there needs to buy a Mega-sized Krusty meal.
Full price.
Money is my oxygen.
Mmm! It's working.
The stupid kids fell for it! Lisa, I got you one with a patty that's 100% veggie.
Yeah, the burgers never had actual meat, but somehow the sodas do.
I swore I'd never eat a hamburger sandwich made by that clown.
I got my reasons.
Oh, Abe, you and your reasons.
I'm sorry you're upset, but it's nice to have someone to be a little grumpy with.
Yup, we've always had a special Grampa-Lisa connection.
You know, we do.
I call it "Grampsa.
" Oh, that's why you always say that.
One pillowcase worth of 25-cent Krusty burgers, please.
How are you gonna carry all these burgers? Pillowcase full of pillowcases.
Boy, I finally have something to pass onto you, cheeseburger-ational wealth.
I've never loved you more.
Well, at least they're having a good time.
It'll never last.
Every time a Simpson thinks he's got it made, life comes along and slaps us silly.
It's a curse, I tells you.
Burger hawks! Punch them in the beaks.
- Get out of here! - Go away! Eh, the Simpson curse.
Oh, yeah, I love caviar.
Oh, so many fish that'll never be fish.
- Krusty.
- Mm? I'm Augustus Redfield, chairman of the RedStar Corporation.
Yeah, yeah, hey, hey.
Sarah, get this yutz a headshot and sign it from me "with warm regards.
" I'm here to destroy you for what you did to me.
Change that to "regular regards.
" Who the hell do you think you are?! Hey, it's you.
Worth-A-Try Burger, right? You doing good? I'm the ninth richest man in the world now.
Okay, warmest regards.
You stole my restaurant 50 years ago.
I plotted and waited until your moment of triumph to tell you this: I just bought your parent company, and you're finished.
You are immediately fired from Krusty Burger, The Krusty the Clown Show, and Krusty Enterprises.
You can no longer call yourself "Krusty the Clown," "Krusty," or "Clown," and we own all your slide whistle noises.
You think you got me, huh, big shot? Well, let's see what my loyal fans think about that.
Attention, me-worshipping nobodies, I am the victim of a coup.
This evil billionaire just stabbed me in the back! We love you, Krusty! All burgers are now 24 cents.
Let our new hero speak! Hand over your side hair.
And the top knot.
I finally have what any billionaire businessman wants, total revenge on the clown who stole his dream.
I only wish that I could share this moment with my dear old partner from Worth-A-Try Burger, who helped me launch that dream 50 years ago.
Old partner? That's me.
No, it's not, Dad.
Nothing is you.
Abe Simpson, it is you.
It is.
Oh My old friend, I am about to change your life.
Dad, it's not you! Hey, hey, kids.
These burgers are "Worth a try.
" And don't forget the fries.
Wow, look at that crowd.
Who would've thought a clown could sell hamburgers? This Krusty guy falling into our laps is the best thing that ever could've happened to us.
Give me more cash.
But we already cut you in for a third of the business.
Without me, there is no business.
I finally found my true purpose as an artist, selling cheap meat to fat kids.
Now give me half, or I walk.
Come on, what's it gonna be? Tough banana skins.
And now to never regret this.
Welcome to Krusty Burger! Yay! And the burgers come faster than ever, thanks to my patented "Krusty Triple Flopper.
" We knew he stole jokes, but entire casual dining business plans? Well, Abe, the way I see it, when you get screwed over, there are two things you can do: give up or fight.
I'm a fighter, and I don't care how long it takes, I'm gonna get revenge on that clown.
Are you with me? I never let myself get stepped on again.
I ruthlessly built an empire till I was rich enough to ruin Krusty and own six cable networks, several deep-sea diamond mines, and a company that makes three-wheeled motorcycles for old weirdos.
Abe, now that I've got our burger business back, I need you by my side.
I want you to sit on my board of directors.
Grampa, you love sitting.
The board is meeting in New York on Monday.
Wow, Dad, now you can be a Republican because you're rich and greedy, and not because you're old and don't know how to change the channel.
But what if I blow it? Like I did all those years ago.
That's the Simpson curse.
But this time, you've got a brilliant businessman like Gus on your side.
You can break the curse.
Okay, honey, I'll do it, but only if you come with me.
- Me? - Yeah.
I can't do this without "Grampsa.
" Oh, then I'm in.
Dad, since you've got a rich friend, what about our special bond? What about "Gromer"? "Hampa"? What about "Abe-Ho"? Is that a bond? Is it? Fly with me ♪ And you'll see ♪ My whole world ♪ Of shameless ostentation ♪ I adore ♪ Having more ♪ Than Bill Gates since his ♪ Separation ♪ Rich enough to buy paradise ♪ If they make it, I can hoard it ♪ Got to say I just abhor it ♪ I want to change the world ♪ You can't afford it ♪ There's no need for such greed ♪ But I love mass accumulation ♪ Best of all, it's tax-free ♪ Because I am technically ♪ A charity ♪ On a barge ♪ In the North Sea.
♪ You've got to be pretty classy to show off this much.
Come, meet my family.
Let's find out who my favorite child is today.
What have you done for the Redfield empire? Dad, I'm gonna start a religion where you're the Jesus.
Think of the tax implications.
Please, please, think of them.
Dad, as we speak, there are 10,000 influencers at my island music festival.
Too bad the bands haven't shown up, and there's no food, toilets, or ways off the island.
No biggie, nobody died.
Well, nobody famous died.
Okay, I hope none of you like Kenny Chesney.
Daddy, thanks for putting me in charge of R&D.
Hey, R&D's my job.
It's research and development, not racecars and downward spiraling.
My therapist says my rock bottom belongs to me.
And now, it's dinnertime.
To be made by the original Worth-A-Try partners, at Our old stand.
Taste our burger ♪ You will love it ♪ But there's a possibility ♪ That you won't ♪ It's worth a try! ♪ Lisa, why don't we get some fresh air? Are you enjoying the valley? Because we could totally change it to Mount Everest.
Well, we already rode them down the Giza pyramid and up the Burj Khalifa.
Yes, let's head back to the stables.
Oh, wheatgrass.
No, that's for the horses.
Oh, phew.
I've been pretending to like it for years.
My dad has done nothing but ruthlessly build his empire for decades, but flipping burgers with your grandpa was the first time I've ever seen him at peace.
That's wonderful.
It's terrible.
He's gone soft in the head.
Really? He seems pretty with it.
Then why would he give a seat on the board to a man who tried to make a phone call with a box of raisins? Oh, I was hoping you didn't see that.
Grampa calls the raisins "phone berries.
" But I think this is a golden opportunity.
Imagine how a progressive, Earth-loving woman like me could change the course of this regressive, Earth-hating company.
Oh, rebranding.
And not just performative.
For instance, we'd provide more opportunities for polar bears.
They're the only creatures I wish had white privilege.
It's so exciting.
My dad is stepping down and giving control to me.
That's amazing.
It's all gonna happen on Monday, when your grandfather votes to force him out.
- What? - Uh it's my turn in the room.
Dad, look what they've done to Krusty's show.
You can't call him that name anymore, or we'll get sued.
It's the Herschel The Comical Man Show.
I'm your announcer, Nothing Mel.
And here's a performer who's not violating any termination agreement implied or in writing.
Hee-hoo, kids.
Say hi to Mr.
Teeny-Dog, who's not affiliated with Krusty Enterprises, its designees, or assigns.
Haw-haw! You don't control your own I.
That sure drained the confetti from his fire bucket.
Dad is losing it, and what are these "hamburger" things he's making us eat? I can't touch food with my hand skin.
Are you sure we've got the votes to oust him at the meeting Monday? Don't worry.
I'm just about to seal the deal on my little blonde insurance policy.
Greenhouse gases ♪ Might be substantially reduced ♪ Over the next ♪ 30 years.
♪ This movie is so moving and didactic.
You made this? Chloé Zhao made it.
I just financed it and took three different producer credits.
But this is the kind of messaging I want my family's company to put into the world, but I need you to convince your grandpa to vote to give me control of the board.
Oh, yes, but wouldn't Grampa be betraying his oldest friend? It would give my dad the sweet retirement he's earned, with Abe by his side.
But that's fine, forget it.
We'll just let my company continue its campaign to sell handguns to dogs.
No, no.
I'll do it! Lisa, I'm so glad you made me come here.
Who knew having a purpose in life would give my life purpose? About that, Sheila's gonna propose a motion, and I think you should vote "yes" on it.
It'll be a nice thing for you and Gus.
And great for the world.
Just trust me on this.
Why wouldn't I trust you? We're Grampsa.
Let me take a selfie of this perfect moment.
This meeting of the board of the RedStar Corporation will come to order.
Present are CEO Augustus Redfield, Sheila Redfield, Colby Redfield, Mav Redfield Angela Merkel, the bald, creepy Shark Tank guy, TikTok superstar Charli D'Amelio.
What do you do? Well, I entertain people on their phones while they watch TV.
How about you? I am often the only voice of reason in all of Europe.
How do you monetize that? I don't.
And Abraham Simpson.
Welcome, my old friend.
I have a motion to introduce.
Daddy, you are the greatest human to ever walk the planet.
So, I say this out of devotion, respect and pure love.
You're a dinosaur, and it's time to turn into oil to fuel the next generation.
What did you say? This is a vote of no confidence.
Your mind has turned to tapioca.
You are out as CEO, and I'm in.
You're gonna be Cousin Greg's intern now.
All right, so, uh, I mostly just get sandwiches for the security guards, but it's more complicated than it sounds.
There's, like, five kinds of bread now.
This is a nice thing? Oh, it sounded nicer after our virtual horseback ride.
Do all of you kids feel this way? Yes, Dad.
Right? Um yeah-o? Sure, w-why not? Unless, yes.
I mean, whatever, it's all good.
Unless it's bad.
We have a motion of no confidence.
All in favor? All against? Hey, hey ♪ So watch me while I work.
♪ The vote is tied at three to three.
Simpson, you're the tiebreaker.
I'm gonna do what I didn't do 50 years ago, stick with my old pal Gus.
I'm voting "no.
" Well, all I can say is My plan worked! I win! We've been Wonka-ed.
- What? - You led this coup against me.
You're out.
You get nothing! Tell Megan Ellison she's my daughter now.
She'll be there at your birthday dinner tomorrow night.
You voted with her; you're out, too.
I love you, Dad.
You smell so good.
You idiots really think I'd throw away the company I built to wear a paper hat with this old fool? Fool? You mean you only brought me here to smoke out your backstabbing children? Don't you see? I had to.
I learned 50 years ago that I'm surrounded by Krustys.
Everywhere, Krustys.
Even I am zis Krusty? But you made it happen, Abe, my sweet loyal pawn.
I win because you voted no.
Oh, Grampa, you got stepped on again, and it's all my fault.
Hold your horseradish! When I voted "no," I was talking about the Japanese Noh theater, which I saw plenty of when I was stationed in the Pacific, stranded on a raft made of Dear John letters and mermaid hair.
I married one of those mermaids, but she was a reverso, fish head and lady gams.
That, plus a thousand other things, made me what I am today mentally incompetent.
Isn't mental incompetence grounds for voiding a vote? Well, as the family lawyer and psychopharmacologist, it certainly is.
Abraham Simpson's vote is nullified.
The count now stands at three to three a tie.
We'll be hopelessly deadlocked.
The company will grind to a halt.
Eh, tough banana skins.
Grampa, you outplayed a room full of players.
One of whom played me.
I'm so sorry we didn't break that Simpsons curse.
Eh, nertz to that curse.
Every terrible decision I made in my life led to me having you as my granddaughter.
So, I say, I'm one pretty lucky old guy.
Herschel, such gorgeous potatoes I've never seen.
Thank you, Nehorai.
It feels good to finally find inner peace.
Gus Redfield was only using Krusty Burger as a pawn in a bitter family war.
You can have it back for the price of the notary fees.
I can be a clown again.
He was a clown? He was, like, the least funny person on this socialist commune.
Previous EpisodeNext Episode