8 Out Of 10 Cats (2005) s15e00 Episode Script
8 Out of 10 Cats Does Deal or No Deal
1 This programme contains strong language.
Tonight on 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Deal Or No Deal, 8 Out Of 10 Cats guests, close personal friends of Sean Lock .
.
close personal friends of Jon Richardson .
.
and two very special Deal Or No Deal contestants.
Now welcome your host, Jimmy Carr! CHEERING Hello and welcome to 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Deal Or No Deal, a show all about numbers, strategy and boxes.
Did you know, for example, Deal Or No Deal is a great game.
The only other people who get to randomly open things hoping to find money inside are postmen at Christmas.
Over 46,000 boxes have been opened on Deal Or No Deal, a record only beaten by Russell Brand.
And the oldest ever Deal Or No Deal contestant was 97 years old.
The final box he opened was made of wood, lined in velvet and had brass handles.
Right, let's get started.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE So we've got the west wing, we've got the east wing, we've got the pilgrims behind me.
Now all we need is some contestants.
Taking the walk of wealth this evening, it's Sean Lock and Jon Richardson.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Sit.
(BOTH SIGH) You are in the dream factory.
Yeah.
This is where dreams happen.
My cab accidentally took me to the wet dream factory first.
The thing with Deal No Deal is, it's how you play.
It's how you negotiate.
It's like poker.
Have you got a strategy for how you're going to play today? Yeah.
Here we go.
There we go.
That's it.
That's your strategy? And you've Let's just show that to the camera there.
You've written LAUGHTER I haven't discussed this with Jon.
What's your strategy, Jon? I'm a naturally, sort of, optimistic person, Jimmy, so I just believe LAUGHTER .
.
if I project goodwill I don't know why people are laughing.
I think some of them may know you.
Obviously, we're playing for real money today.
Quarter of a million pounds, potentially, for your charities of choice.
Do you trust each other? Cos you've got to make these decisions today, with each other.
For example, have you ever been on a Brokeback Mountain-style trip across America together? We did, didn't we? Oh, yeah.
Shit.
Not again.
It wasn't actually called Brokeback Mountain and I find that joke quite offensive.
It was called Bumfuck Hill.
Are you going to be looking for advice from the wings? You've got people that know you on the wings.
Who would you look to for guidance here? None of them.
I've got Steve, I've got Andy, over there.
Dave and Jon.
These guys know about opening stuff.
I've got a secret weapon.
What's your secret weapon? Well, my secret weapon is my friend Mark, who does the warm-up for this show.
Have you seen all 2,000? Um, we've done 2,300 and I've done about 2,000.
I reckon at any point you can tell me what the correct thing to do is so that we definitely win.
Yeah, definitely.
Yeah.
Game over.
Just open it now.
Quarter of a mil.
Jon, who else have you got here? I have brought my friend Mia and my friends John and Matthew.
Are you scared of the banker? The banker's just a guy.
If you call him the banker it makes him He's just a guy.
He is called, like, Keith, or I'm going to call him Brian all the time.
I'm not going to call him All right, Brian.
Ask me if I'm scared of Brian.
Are you scared of Brian? No.
The thing is, Jimmy, I've not won anything yet so I'm not scared of him.
I may become scared of him when money becomes At the moment, I don't care about the banker.
You know we're not keeping the money, don't you? Well, you don't know about my charity.
LAUGHTER Do you have any feeling about what's in your box? Do you know, the box I wanted, if I could have picked a box by hand, I would have picked 11.
You are not generally a superstitious guy.
No.
But you think Rob Beckett has got quarter of a million pounds in his box.
Won a lot of raffles at school.
So that might be a bit of an indication about my luckiness.
Yeah.
Yeah, might be, yeah.
Are you not going to do the Noel thing, "Oh, 22 boxes, one question.
" Yeah, 22 OK, then, fine.
Fine, no problem at all.
22 boxes, quarter of a million pounds, one question - where the fuck is Noel Edmonds? LAUGHTER APPLAUSE So are you guys ready to play? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
OK, west wing, are you ready? East wing, are you ready? Pilgrims, are you ready? CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Well, join us after the break when Sean and Jon will be playing Deal Or No Deal.
APPLAUSE Welcome back to 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Deal Or No Deal.
Sean and Jon are ready to play, they've got box number 12.
Just a quick bit of housekeeping.
I need you to confirm that you picked box number 12.
- Yes.
- Yes.
Before the show began, it was sealed by the independent adjudicator who seals all 22 boxes and is the only person who knows where the money is.
Good luck.
APPLAUSE Who's picking the first five boxes? I am.
For those of you that haven't seen the show, you're looking for blues, You're looking to get five blues in a row.
This.
Andy came up with this earlier.
He said to me, "This will work.
" He knows all about the horses.
He runs a book every year at the Edinburgh Festival on the Don't say that, because that's illegal! LAUGHTER Seven.
I'd like to go with Matt Ford.
Even though he lives with Jon, I'm following this plan.
Now, Matt.
Yes, mate.
You're friends with Jon, right? I am, yes! How long have you known each other? About eight years.
Eight years! He's good to live with.
I mean, it's a bit like living with a rescue cat.
He finds it hard to trust and if you touch him, he'll take your face off.
LAUGHTER APPLAUSE I don't know The integrity of Sean's system rests on this.
If this is not blue, this system is gone.
Not only does this have to be the penny, but you have to kiss him when it's the penny, which I am very excited about.
Are you aware of the penny kiss on Deal Or No Deal? When you get the penny you have to kiss the person.
How long for? Two or three seconds.
Can I cradle them? You can cradle them.
OK, Matt.
OK, get us started, let's open box number 7.
Good luck to everyone playing at home.
LAUGHTER GROANING £3,000.
I would just say your system is bullshit.
LAUGHTER I can't even see 2.
Oh, it's another of your friends.
Let's go with Mia.
So Mia, do you have a feeling about your box, a feeling what's in there? I don't LAUGHTER We're going to be using the term "box" a lot here.
Can we just please get over it? The box.
The box.
A feeling about "the" box, not "your" box.
OK, Mia, let's try and find a blue for Jon.
Good luck.
APPLAUSE £500 gone, £3,000 gone.
13 next? This is your baby.
Katherine.
This is Katherine Ryan, comedian.
Friend of 8 Out Of 10 Cats.
I think you've made the right choice.
Right.
Let's open box 13.
We're hoping for blue here.
APPLAUSE It's red but it's the lowest of the reds.
Getting rid of them reds.
That is not the object of the game.
You've got three so far.
Three reds, one blue.
Right, OK.
What's the next box? On here, it is 19.
Where's 19? Hello.
Nick Helm.
Hello, Nick.
Hello.
Got a good feeling about that box there in front of you? Don't really care.
LAUGHTER Good luck, Sean.
Thanks, Nick.
Good luck, Jon.
Thanks, Nick.
Fuck you, Jimmy.
GROANING The first big £10,000 gone.
The next number in the system is number five.
Another one of Jon's friends.
I'm just delighted how many friends I have.
John, you used to live with Jon, right? How is it living with Jon Richardson? He's particular.
He's the only person who's ever billed me for cleaning.
LAUGHTER It's not like that was day one when we lived together that I decided I was sick of tidying the house and I thought, "Do you know what? "If we had a cleaner they would get paid for this.
" The important thing about it is it changed absolutely nothing! I did not get paid and the house did not remain tidy.
Tears are a natural cleaning agent.
OK, let's open box number 5 and see.
We're hoping for blue here.
GROANING £20,000 gone.
Interestingly, that's how much you owe me for cleaning, as well.
That's painful, isn't it? Shall we see what the banker has to say? Shall we see what Brian thinks? You're trying to demystify him by calling him Brian.
Yes.
It's like Voldemort.
PHONE RINGS Oh, one-nil to you, Brian! LAUGHTER Hello, Brian.
Seven years you've chatted to no-one but Noel Edmonds, you poor, poor man.
It's like the Bat Phone, isn't it? The Penguin has taken over.
His job as the banker on Deal Or No Deal is to get inside people's heads.
Sean, you're not worried about.
He's easy to read, predictable, one level.
A lot of people have made that mistake in the past.
Brian.
Show business is littered with fools like you.
You're worried about Jon.
Jon, he saying you're "formidable".
Touche, Brian.
Smart, meticulous, circumspect.
No, I'm not.
All of your offers are going to be aimed at Jon.
I've never been treated like this by an imaginary person in my life.
It's not an imaginary person, it's the banker I've got on the phone.
Why can't I hear the background noise of Spearmint Rhino? LAUGHTER The opening offer, Jon He's trying to get inside your head by getting inside mine.
That's what they're trying to do.
He's part of the whole plan.
Shut up, woman! The opening offer is £6,500.
APPLAUSE £6,500.
You have to agree on all these decisions.
You can pick the boxes individually but you have to agree on these big decisions.
I think it's clear at the moment, isn't it? You don't step away from that board.
OK, £6,500.
Deal or no deal? - No.
- Deal.
APPLAUSE Jon, what are you planning on doing? Are you going with his system or are you going to go rogue? Three boxes to open.
I don't like the pressure.
Have a move around.
I mean, where are you drawn to? Where do you think the money is? What would you pick now? LAUGHTER Guys, I know I didn't come on that weird Brokeback Mountain trip with you but that's because I had a nightmare about a moment like this.
You are about to find out what we learnt.
LAUGHING What would you want to go with? That was Sean's system.
What are you going to go for? It's working now, isn't it? It's not really working.
That's an OK board.
We've got the power five, Jimmy.
I've turned into a Deal person! LAUGHTER How did this happen? The power five are there, yes, but look how many reds you're missing now.
So I'm going off system.
Are you? (AUDIENCE) Oooh! They are not happy about you going off system.
He's his own man.
He's got to go with his own I'm not my own man! Why would you go off system? Jon, imagine me and you in the Caribbean together.
How do I avoid that happening? LAUGHTER I'm going to stick with this system for two reasons.
One because it's working and two, because as the system would have it, it would be Mark, my remaining friend.
PHONE RINGS We haven't even chosen something! I think he just sat on the phone.
Dream Factory.
I'll ask You're sticking with the system, yes? Yes.
The banker says that he was wrong about you.
(AUDIENCE) Oooh! Exactly.
Inside your head, Jon.
He's scared of me.
Otherwise he wouldn't be trying to scare me.
He's more scared of me than I am of him.
Tell him that.
Phone about now.
Do you know his number? - I can phone him, yes.
- Phone him.
One?! How old is he? Did he have the first phone? LAUGHTER Hello.
Banker.
Brian.
Jon says that you're afraid of him.
He's not afraid of you.
I can hear him crying.
He's saying that that sounds like the talk of a man who can't abandon the system because he wants to be able to blame Sean for whatever happens.
That's exactly what's happening.
Pick a box.
I'm picking Mark but for my own reasons, not because of the system.
Mark Olver, friend of the show, friend of Jon's, friends of all of ours.
Open your box.
GASPS Pass me the envelope, mate(!) The system's broken.
I stuck with you as long as I could because I'm a good friend.
When a man's got to take a decision, a man takes a decision.
All right.
What decisions should I make? I'm going to go with Gemma, number six.
Gemma Collins, of course, star of The Only Way Is Essex.
If you won a quarter of a million pounds, Gemma, how would you waste it? I think I would buy a pink Bentley and then have, like, all Swarovski crystals inside it.
Right.
Inside? That doesn't sound very comfortable.
Oh, shut up.
Not on the seats.
Just on the dashboard, and the gear stick, and the steering wheel.
That's what you want on the steering wheel in the event of an accident.
The hardest substance on earth.
This is the first non-system box of the game.
And you picked it, Jon.
OK, Gemma, if you could open the number 6 box.
GROANING £15,000.
Only five reds remain.
Four of them are huge numbers.
I'm going to take the man who implemented the system out of the game.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Andy Smart, you're one of Sean's friends.
I notice a lot of Jon's friends live with Jon.
All of Sean's previous flatmates are either dead or missing.
LAUGHTER OK, shall we open this box? Let's hope for blue.
APPLAUSE PHONE RINGS Oh! What if we just don't answer.
He'll just go, won't he? He anticipated that you would refuse to answer the telephone.
How do we know? So he hired himself an assistant.
Yes, like a real man.
Send someone else to do it.
Ladies and gentlemen, it's Joe Wilkinson, the banker's assistant.
APPLAUSE Joe, how did you get this job? I was at the Jobcentre this morning and they said, did I want to be a banker's assistant? I went "No.
" But they mentioned a little someone was going to be on the show, Susie Dent, and we've got a bit of history.
From Countdown, you know.
Lovers, I'll say the word.
LAUGHTER Susie, is that true? Yes, it's true.
We walked off into the sunset after one Mash Up and now I'm going out with the banker's assistant.
Lucky cow.
LAUGHTER Landed on her feet.
Imagine having you on tap! 24/7! Are you hoping to get promoted within this world of banking? Yeah, yeah, I'd love that.
Yeah, I'm good at numbers.
Give us a number, give us a number.
Heard of that.
LAUGHTER PHONE RINGS I'll get this.
LAUGHTER Hello.
Oh, hello, Mum.
If you don't mind, I gave my mum my work number.
LAUGHTER No, no, I've got a job.
Deal Or No Deal.
Eh, it's all right.
No, no, Noel's not here.
No.
Jimmy Carr's hosting it.
Yeah, that is a shame.
LAUGHTER Eh? What do I want for tea? Erm, chicken Kiev.
Er, peas and chips.
All right, beans, it's fine.
LAUGHTER Dunno, about half-ten? Oh, don't start! Why you being like this? Yeah, all right.
Yeah, I love you.
(Yeah, I love you too.
) LAUGHTER Sends her love.
I presume that's the letter.
I thought it was a birthday card.
He's going to have dropped it and it's going to be about 2,500, knowing that dick.
LAUGHTER The last offer was 6,500.
Second offer is £7,800.
(GASPS) Is that better? APPLAUSE That is better, yeah.
You thought he'd go down, he's gone up.
Can I nip off? I want to have a fag.
Yeah, Joe Wilkinson, everyone.
Give it up for Joe.
CHEERING £7,800.
Are you tempted to? No.
Yes.
You choose.
Well, you see, you get distracted by the top two, don't you? You think, while they're there but if they go, we're knackered.
Rachel Riley, what do you think? You're good with numbers.
I think they're laying the groundwork for an all-blue round.
Loads of blues left.
How lucky are they feeling? The 1p kiss is still out there.
Yeah, but it could be you, could be John Fothergill.
LAUGHTER I don't think we can deal when we've got four of the big five.
I think we should show strength.
Yes.
£7,800.
Deal or no deal? No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o oh-h-h-h-h-h oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Oh! LAUGHTER Deal.
CHEERING We've got three boxes to open.
Sean? I was tempted to go with John.
All right then.
You think John Fothergill? You've known Sean for how long? I was his first wife.
LAUGHTER It was on the rigs, Jimmy, it was on the rigs.
They were dark days! I think there's a tenner in here.
CHEERING It's the 1p kiss, everyone.
(COUGHS) The 1p is gone.
I don't care whether we win any money, this show's changed my life! I want more of that.
OK, you've got two more boxes to open.
That man, number 4.
He's let me down LAUGHTER .
.
so many times.
Again and again and again.
He's never come through.
Well, I feel quite good about that.
OK, so you've had the perfect start to this round.
1p has gone, let's see if you can keep it up.
OK, Dave, open that box 4.
LAUGHTER Pow! GROANING Let you down again! Oh! LAUGHTER How are you feeling? Fu Sh Not Well, I'm not surprised.
Dave does this again and again and again.
So, that £100,000 is looking pretty lonely there now.
(MIA) I think you've got to be a bit more positive.
It's like, you've still got the 100 grand.
Still got three big ones.
Loads of blues left, get a bit of positivity, then get a blue next.
CHEERING Yeah, Jon! Jon, is there a way you could turn this into the most important bit of tidying up you've ever done? Interesting.
So you have to tidy up the blues and leave it with 100 grand just sat on the living room table.
(KATHERINE) I agree.
Down with the system, up with the syndrome! LAUGHTER Have a walk around, Jon.
See what you think.
Well, I was going to go and check the boxes for dust.
Look at that.
Look.
What am I looking at there? That was on the box.
Wow.
Well, you've obviously got to choose that then, haven't you? That's clearly an indication.
Absolutely.
I'm the only person who has come dressed as a box, which is unfair.
OK, Holly, are you going to open box 21? She's barely got the strength.
CHEERING The big, big number went, but so did the penny.
PHONE RINGS Banker, tell us what's going on.
Catwoman(?) It was an extraordinary LAUGHTER The banker said that his assistant did very well last time.
Joe Wilkinson is coming back, everyone.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE (JOE) Thank you.
So, last time you came, you gave us an offer of £7,800.
Yep.
I mean, have you got the authority to make an offer here? Have I? Er What would you offer now, looking at that board? Shit! LAUGHTER We've still got three big reds.
I've got about £1.
50 on me, but I really fancy getting a KitKat, so about I can only go up to 80p, if I'm honest.
LAUGHTER Cos I want to get a KitKat.
I want to get a four-finger.
LAUGHTER All right, I'll get a two-finger one, £1.
20.
Fucking hell! Come on, serious offer £1 million! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE £1 million! PHONE RINGS Deal or no deal?! It's the banker.
He wants to see you in his office.
Oh, piss! LAUGHTER APPLAUSE OK, you're working on your own from here on in, fair enough.
He's going to be incredibly generous.
Just because he thinks that Jon Richardson is a force to be reckoned with.
The offer is still £7,800.
Oh! APPLAUSE So you lost the quarter of a million, but he thinks the 1p balanced it.
£7,800.
Do you know what's pathetic? Even though I know that was all a joke, that compliment really cheered me up! Really.
You see, I am naturally pessimistic, and I would probably deal now.
An optimist would tell you that, you know, while you've still got a big number, you've got more chance of hitting blues, but a realist would say you're taking a pounding, take the money.
Yeah, that really sounds like a force to be reckoned with, doesn't it(?) LAUGHTER Someone I wouldn't want to mess with(!) Shall we do a sweep? Shall we say what people think? I'd love to do a sweep.
This place is dusty.
Gemma, what do you think? What would you do in this situation? Would you deal or no deal? I'd deal.
You'd deal for £7,800? Does that mean you can get the money off the banker? I don't think Gemma has ever watched the show.
She thinks this is Take Me Out.
LAUGHTER OK, Mark, what would you go for? No deal.
Nicola, what would you go for? No deal.
Stephen? No deal.
- Nick?- No deal.
- Mia?- No deal.
Nick, are you all right? We've got 11 boxes left! LAUGHTER We're halfway through the fucking game! Apologies.
Rob? No deal.
No deal.
Andy? No deal.
No deal.
No deal.
- Elis? - Deal.
Corinne, you're saying no deal.
No deal.
Thing is, if you want to win big, you've got to risk it.
Let's just take a look at the no deal that Corinne made last time she was on this show.
She was offered £88,000 and she didn't deal.
What I'm now going to do is either make your dream come true .
.
or not.
Yes.
I hope this is the dream.
GROANING The penny? APPLAUSE You turned down £88,000 and you won a penny, that I believe you've got round your neck.
Yes.
The reason I turned it down was I wanted the money to buy a vintage Bentley.
Of course.
Which would have cost me 200 grand.
So 88 grand wouldn't have bought what I wanted.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE I know it sounds dreadful, but That's exactly what we want.
I want to get a charity a vintage Bentley.
And we're not going to do that for 7,800.
Let's just quickly do this side.
So, deal or no deal? No deal.
No deal.
- No deal.
- No deal.
- No deal.
- No deal.
- No deal.
I don't know.
LAUGHTER Do you have any idea what's going on, Tony? No, but it's addictive.
Alice, what would you go for? No deal.
You'd go no deal.
John? I think seven grand is a nice little bit for charity.
You know? And John will double it! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE I'd deal.
You'd deal at this point? Rachel, what do you think? I'd no deal.
And Matt? No deal.
No deal.
You're our resident statistician, OK? Why would you not deal at this point? Because all you've got to do is leave one of those big numbers and you'll probably get a similar offer, whatever small one you've got left.
(JON) No! I'm afraid I was slightly lost in your eyes.
I didn't get any of that.
LAUGHTER If you've got 35, 50 or 100, you're likely to get a similar offer, aren't you? OK, so are you ready for the question? (JON) Yeah.
£7,800.
Deal or no deal? LAUGHTER (DEEP VOICE) No Deal.
CHEERING Three more boxes to open straight after the break.
See you then.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Welcome back to 8 Out Of 10 Cats does Deal Or No Deal.
Let's see what's going to happen next.
Are you ready to open some more boxes? I quite like the idea that Nicola will have a low amount in her box.
Nicola Adams there, Olympic gold.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE It feels like a blue.
It feels like blue? We need this one to be blue.
Open up box number 1.
Good luck.
GROANING £50,000 gone.
Well, I guess it was a red.
LAUGHTER Don't worry.
You are last on our list of people we would be upset with.
LAUGHTER What do you think, Jon? You can choose this time.
Number 10, Alice.
Alice, Radio One DJ.
May the force be with you.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE You needed that.
You really needed that.
So, you took a big risk turning down 7,800 and you could be all right if this last one is a blue.
You've got to believe it before you can do it.
Don't you feel that you can look at a box and fill it with your goodness? Not a whole box.
I couldn't do a box.
A teaspoon.
LAUGHTER It's my pick, isn't it? Number 3, Nong.
Shall we see what happened last time you opened a box? If you want.
Let's have a look.
(NOEL EDMONDS) I hope it was all worth it.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE What was the offer? 68,000.
So £68,000, you said "no deal", and you won a quarter of a million pounds? Yes.
Am I correct in saying that you live in the Swindon area? Where Jon used to live? And you're single? Yeah.
Do you? (LAUGHS) LAUGHTER I just thought, because she's got money and lives in your area.
I'm not laughing She laughed in your face.
Brian, I need you.
Send anyone.
So, Nong, let's see if your good luck can rub off on them.
Open box number 3.
OK.
Good luck.
CHEERING Thank you, Nong.
PHONE RINGS Hello.
That is a vital last box.
He said that every offer would be aimed at Jon.
£9,000 and Nong's phone number.
LAUGHTER In case I want abusing when I get home as well? Could you just laugh at me over the phone while I sleep? £9,000.
It's the highest offer you've had so far.
You've still got the 100,000, you've still got the 35,000.
Are you daring to dream? Of course he's not.
LAUGHTER Purely selfishly, I would rather be the person who dealt slightly early but gave £9,000 to charity, than the person who pushed too far and gave them, I don't know, 750 quid.
How is the charity going to get the Bentley if we don't take a risk? Do you reckon you'll end up opening the box? You might get more money that way.
But if you keep opening boxes, you're probably not going to get Unless you leave the two big ones, you won't get much bigger of an offer.
PHONE RINGS Hello.
OK, he's got something he thinks might be helpful.
If you had an all-blue round now, he would double your money to £18,000 on the next offer.
But if we only get the 100,000 But, Jon, if you have an all-red round, then it's gone.
22 is the death box, so all I would say is that probably hasn't got the £100,000 on it.
Why do you say that? That's the box that everyone goes, "Whoa, don't go 22!" I've nicknamed my box Torres, to make it blue and not worth very much.
Oh, nice.
LAUGHTER APPLAUSE I don't think if we do a round we're going to hit three reds.
I really don't.
I think you'll hit blues.
I think you should go one more round, personally.
What are you guys going to do? You've got to make a decision now together, come on.
I mean, I would deal.
Yeah.
Grow a pair, Richardson.
Audience, put your hands up.
Who thinks they should deal? Who thinks they should no deal? One of the guys who put his hands up to deal is Mr Al, and he is one of the most sort of regular regulars and experts on the stats.
Why do you think they should deal? An all-blue round The chance of an all-blue round is 18%.
So it's an 82% chance you will not have an all-blue round.
You just spoke to Rachel Riley, so that's your life complete.
LAUGHTER I'm better with numbers than I am at chatting up girls.
No shit.
LAUGHTER (LAUGHS) If we deal we've still got to go round and do all the fucking boxes anyway, so it doesn't matter.
LAUGHTER What do you think, Jon, Sean? An all-blue round is the best we can possibly do.
But then it's double.
I think we should no deal.
I think that maths says we should deal but we will probably no deal.
Are you ready for the question? Yeah.
Sean, Jon, £9,000, deal or no deal? No Deal.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE They are taking a very brave choice.
£9,000, they have said "no deal".
That board is dangerous.
Have they done the right thing, have they done the wrong thing? Find out after this break.
We're opening three more boxes.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Welcome back to 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Deal Or No Deal.
Before the break, Jon and Sean turned down £9,000 on this precarious board.
Come and have a look.
There's only two numbers here that matter - 35,000 and £100,000.
You've got to pick three boxes now and if those two go you're in a lot of trouble.
So you've turned down £9,000.
It strikes me that, Jon, you did not want to do that.
You can't live with regret, can you, Jimmy? You've got to stay positive.
And I'd like Susie Dent to open box 16.
Susie Dent.
We really need a blue here, Susie.
OK.
Open up the box.
(SINGS THE COUNTDOWN THEME) Wrong tune.
Oh, no, that's the right one.
LAUGHTER THEY ALL SING THE COUNTDOWN THEME Da-da, da-da, da-da-da-da, boom! (SEAN SINGS THE THEME FROM MATCH OF THE DAY) LAUGHTER CHEERING AND APPLAUSE UmElis.
Elis.
You're a stand-up comedian, you're from Wales.
Yeah.
Could it be blue? Is it blue? CHEERING AND APPLAUSE You both remember what the banker said.
He said if you got an all-blue round, he would double the offer from £9,000 to £18,000.
You're one blue box away from £18,000, guaranteed.
I would go with box 8 to even it up, so it's two-a-side.
For this vital box, you've gone for one of the unluckiest players there's ever been.
Corinne, a little bit of good luck for them would be blue now.
Come on, Corinne, open box 8.
CHEERING Yes.
You've turned this round.
Wildly against the odds - it was an 18% chance of going on a blues cruise there.
You did it.
PHONE RINGS LAUGHTER Banker.
Brian.
LAUGHTER The offer is £18,000, as he said.
APPLAUSE £18,000 for that board.
Ooh, Brian! LAUGHTER Do you think you can defy the odds again? I mean We would have to keep the 100 Mm.
.
.
to get a better offer.
Jon, to be fair, you've compromised when you've needed to.
You've got to a significant amount of money now.
18 grand to a charity - that could employ four of those clipboard people for a year! LAUGHTER I would've dealt last time.
So, you know What about you guys? Show of hands - who would deal? Who would deal? Who would no deal? About 50-50.
It shows it's a tough decision - what are you guys going to do? What do you want to do, Jon? I think we should deal.
Fine.
(AUDIENCE BOOS) I mean, that noise is going to happen whatever I say.
When it's 50-50, 50% of the audience are going to go, "Boo!" Aren't you? (AUDIENCE) No.
Let's try that.
What would the noise be if you said? I think we should no deal.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Sean, Jon, are you ready for the question? Are we? No.
I think we should possibly no deal, but £18,000 is a lot of money, so if you want to deal, I'm happy to deal.
I would no deal, I'd carry on.
(TUTS) Shit.
LAUGHTER It's hard, isn't it? Come on - deal or no deal? I think we should go no deal.
(AUDIENCE) Yeah! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Whoo! Do you want to risk it? Or do you want £18,000 guaranteed now? Deal or no deal? No deal.
No deal! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE They've gone no deal.
If you don't hit that 100,000 on the next three boxes, we're in for a big offer.
Let's go, let's pick those boxes.
18, Tony Law.
Three vital boxes.
Ugh.
Tony Law, we're looking for 10p, we're looking for £750 in this box.
Please, Tony.
As long as it's not a foot.
LAUGHTER OK, we're hoping it's not a human foot.
Or £100,000.
Don't Don't be that.
Or a foot.
It's £35,000.
Oh, I'm sorry.
OK, that is off the table now.
We've still got the £100,000 left.
It's a one-box game.
What are you going to go for? What do you want, Jon? 22, 17 or 11? Er Steve Frost, 17.
Steve Frost, 17.
Open up the box, Steve, show us what's in there.
We're looking for blue.
Maybe we should've dealt.
LAUGHTER Wise words, Sean.
Wise words.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE £750.
Tens of thousands of pounds rest on this last box.
Which box are you going to open next? Rachel, 22.
The death box.
I'm going to stand up for this.
- Really? - Yeah.
If this is the £100,000, you've thrown away 18,000.
But if it isn't you've made a fortune for your charities.
Jon Richardson is a man that never takes risks, but he's taken a massive risk today.
Oh, God.
OK.
Come on, Rachel, reward their courage.
Come on, Torres, score for once.
LAUGHTER CHEERING AND APPLAUSE £5,000.
It's red, but it really doesn't matter.
It really doesn't matter.
PHONE RINGS Optimism.
Banker.
He's saying that, Jon, you took a risk there.
He admires that.
He's saying, Sean, he underestimated you.
It happens to so many.
LAUGHTER This offer is aimed at both of you.
The offer is £32,000.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE £32,000.
Well, we have to deal on that.
We have to - we have no choice.
I think we should go on.
- Do you? - No! LAUGHTER Cos that's That's not fair, is it, to end up with 10p? 10p, you'd have to divide that between both charities, so that's Do we know? Yeah.
I think so, yes.
Yeah.
You ready for the question? - Mm.
- Yeah.
So £32,000 .
.
deal or no deal? Deal.
Yeah.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Sean Lock and Jon Richardson just won £32,000 for their chosen charities.
Let's see what you've got in here.
Let's see if you've spanked the banker.
We all want to see the 10p, yes? (ALL) Yeah! If the 10p's in here, you will have played the perfect game.
You sold what was in this box for £32,000.
OK? (CHUCKLES) CHEERING AND APPLAUSE You have spanked the banker! Fantastic.
Well played there.
(SEAN) Perfect game.
Rob, show us what's in that box.
I told you I was good at raffles.
LAUGHTER £100,000.
Game over.
£32,000 won for your chosen charities.
Let's quickly hear about those charities.
What charity were you raising money for today? The charity's called the Pseudo Obstructive Research Trust.
It's a digestive problem that affects young people and it gets misdiagnosed as bulimia.
They can't digest their food and then they vomit and they're often misdiagnosed as a psychological condition when it's physical.
It happens a lot to young children and young adults.
That's a great charity.
Jon, what are you raising money for? For Help The Hospices, because my nan died this year and she had hospice care and it's not funded, so they rely on Deal Or No Deal.
(LAUGHS) A wonderful thing.
APPLAUSE Ladies and gentlemen, Jon Richardson and Sean Lock.
Give them a round of applause.
Thank you.
£32,000 they walk away with for their charities.
Thanks to our box openers, our wonderful audience - the pilgrims - and to everyone for watching at home.
That's it from 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Deal Or No Deal.
Good night! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Red Bee Media Ltd
Tonight on 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Deal Or No Deal, 8 Out Of 10 Cats guests, close personal friends of Sean Lock .
.
close personal friends of Jon Richardson .
.
and two very special Deal Or No Deal contestants.
Now welcome your host, Jimmy Carr! CHEERING Hello and welcome to 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Deal Or No Deal, a show all about numbers, strategy and boxes.
Did you know, for example, Deal Or No Deal is a great game.
The only other people who get to randomly open things hoping to find money inside are postmen at Christmas.
Over 46,000 boxes have been opened on Deal Or No Deal, a record only beaten by Russell Brand.
And the oldest ever Deal Or No Deal contestant was 97 years old.
The final box he opened was made of wood, lined in velvet and had brass handles.
Right, let's get started.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE So we've got the west wing, we've got the east wing, we've got the pilgrims behind me.
Now all we need is some contestants.
Taking the walk of wealth this evening, it's Sean Lock and Jon Richardson.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Sit.
(BOTH SIGH) You are in the dream factory.
Yeah.
This is where dreams happen.
My cab accidentally took me to the wet dream factory first.
The thing with Deal No Deal is, it's how you play.
It's how you negotiate.
It's like poker.
Have you got a strategy for how you're going to play today? Yeah.
Here we go.
There we go.
That's it.
That's your strategy? And you've Let's just show that to the camera there.
You've written LAUGHTER I haven't discussed this with Jon.
What's your strategy, Jon? I'm a naturally, sort of, optimistic person, Jimmy, so I just believe LAUGHTER .
.
if I project goodwill I don't know why people are laughing.
I think some of them may know you.
Obviously, we're playing for real money today.
Quarter of a million pounds, potentially, for your charities of choice.
Do you trust each other? Cos you've got to make these decisions today, with each other.
For example, have you ever been on a Brokeback Mountain-style trip across America together? We did, didn't we? Oh, yeah.
Shit.
Not again.
It wasn't actually called Brokeback Mountain and I find that joke quite offensive.
It was called Bumfuck Hill.
Are you going to be looking for advice from the wings? You've got people that know you on the wings.
Who would you look to for guidance here? None of them.
I've got Steve, I've got Andy, over there.
Dave and Jon.
These guys know about opening stuff.
I've got a secret weapon.
What's your secret weapon? Well, my secret weapon is my friend Mark, who does the warm-up for this show.
Have you seen all 2,000? Um, we've done 2,300 and I've done about 2,000.
I reckon at any point you can tell me what the correct thing to do is so that we definitely win.
Yeah, definitely.
Yeah.
Game over.
Just open it now.
Quarter of a mil.
Jon, who else have you got here? I have brought my friend Mia and my friends John and Matthew.
Are you scared of the banker? The banker's just a guy.
If you call him the banker it makes him He's just a guy.
He is called, like, Keith, or I'm going to call him Brian all the time.
I'm not going to call him All right, Brian.
Ask me if I'm scared of Brian.
Are you scared of Brian? No.
The thing is, Jimmy, I've not won anything yet so I'm not scared of him.
I may become scared of him when money becomes At the moment, I don't care about the banker.
You know we're not keeping the money, don't you? Well, you don't know about my charity.
LAUGHTER Do you have any feeling about what's in your box? Do you know, the box I wanted, if I could have picked a box by hand, I would have picked 11.
You are not generally a superstitious guy.
No.
But you think Rob Beckett has got quarter of a million pounds in his box.
Won a lot of raffles at school.
So that might be a bit of an indication about my luckiness.
Yeah.
Yeah, might be, yeah.
Are you not going to do the Noel thing, "Oh, 22 boxes, one question.
" Yeah, 22 OK, then, fine.
Fine, no problem at all.
22 boxes, quarter of a million pounds, one question - where the fuck is Noel Edmonds? LAUGHTER APPLAUSE So are you guys ready to play? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
OK, west wing, are you ready? East wing, are you ready? Pilgrims, are you ready? CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Well, join us after the break when Sean and Jon will be playing Deal Or No Deal.
APPLAUSE Welcome back to 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Deal Or No Deal.
Sean and Jon are ready to play, they've got box number 12.
Just a quick bit of housekeeping.
I need you to confirm that you picked box number 12.
- Yes.
- Yes.
Before the show began, it was sealed by the independent adjudicator who seals all 22 boxes and is the only person who knows where the money is.
Good luck.
APPLAUSE Who's picking the first five boxes? I am.
For those of you that haven't seen the show, you're looking for blues, You're looking to get five blues in a row.
This.
Andy came up with this earlier.
He said to me, "This will work.
" He knows all about the horses.
He runs a book every year at the Edinburgh Festival on the Don't say that, because that's illegal! LAUGHTER Seven.
I'd like to go with Matt Ford.
Even though he lives with Jon, I'm following this plan.
Now, Matt.
Yes, mate.
You're friends with Jon, right? I am, yes! How long have you known each other? About eight years.
Eight years! He's good to live with.
I mean, it's a bit like living with a rescue cat.
He finds it hard to trust and if you touch him, he'll take your face off.
LAUGHTER APPLAUSE I don't know The integrity of Sean's system rests on this.
If this is not blue, this system is gone.
Not only does this have to be the penny, but you have to kiss him when it's the penny, which I am very excited about.
Are you aware of the penny kiss on Deal Or No Deal? When you get the penny you have to kiss the person.
How long for? Two or three seconds.
Can I cradle them? You can cradle them.
OK, Matt.
OK, get us started, let's open box number 7.
Good luck to everyone playing at home.
LAUGHTER GROANING £3,000.
I would just say your system is bullshit.
LAUGHTER I can't even see 2.
Oh, it's another of your friends.
Let's go with Mia.
So Mia, do you have a feeling about your box, a feeling what's in there? I don't LAUGHTER We're going to be using the term "box" a lot here.
Can we just please get over it? The box.
The box.
A feeling about "the" box, not "your" box.
OK, Mia, let's try and find a blue for Jon.
Good luck.
APPLAUSE £500 gone, £3,000 gone.
13 next? This is your baby.
Katherine.
This is Katherine Ryan, comedian.
Friend of 8 Out Of 10 Cats.
I think you've made the right choice.
Right.
Let's open box 13.
We're hoping for blue here.
APPLAUSE It's red but it's the lowest of the reds.
Getting rid of them reds.
That is not the object of the game.
You've got three so far.
Three reds, one blue.
Right, OK.
What's the next box? On here, it is 19.
Where's 19? Hello.
Nick Helm.
Hello, Nick.
Hello.
Got a good feeling about that box there in front of you? Don't really care.
LAUGHTER Good luck, Sean.
Thanks, Nick.
Good luck, Jon.
Thanks, Nick.
Fuck you, Jimmy.
GROANING The first big £10,000 gone.
The next number in the system is number five.
Another one of Jon's friends.
I'm just delighted how many friends I have.
John, you used to live with Jon, right? How is it living with Jon Richardson? He's particular.
He's the only person who's ever billed me for cleaning.
LAUGHTER It's not like that was day one when we lived together that I decided I was sick of tidying the house and I thought, "Do you know what? "If we had a cleaner they would get paid for this.
" The important thing about it is it changed absolutely nothing! I did not get paid and the house did not remain tidy.
Tears are a natural cleaning agent.
OK, let's open box number 5 and see.
We're hoping for blue here.
GROANING £20,000 gone.
Interestingly, that's how much you owe me for cleaning, as well.
That's painful, isn't it? Shall we see what the banker has to say? Shall we see what Brian thinks? You're trying to demystify him by calling him Brian.
Yes.
It's like Voldemort.
PHONE RINGS Oh, one-nil to you, Brian! LAUGHTER Hello, Brian.
Seven years you've chatted to no-one but Noel Edmonds, you poor, poor man.
It's like the Bat Phone, isn't it? The Penguin has taken over.
His job as the banker on Deal Or No Deal is to get inside people's heads.
Sean, you're not worried about.
He's easy to read, predictable, one level.
A lot of people have made that mistake in the past.
Brian.
Show business is littered with fools like you.
You're worried about Jon.
Jon, he saying you're "formidable".
Touche, Brian.
Smart, meticulous, circumspect.
No, I'm not.
All of your offers are going to be aimed at Jon.
I've never been treated like this by an imaginary person in my life.
It's not an imaginary person, it's the banker I've got on the phone.
Why can't I hear the background noise of Spearmint Rhino? LAUGHTER The opening offer, Jon He's trying to get inside your head by getting inside mine.
That's what they're trying to do.
He's part of the whole plan.
Shut up, woman! The opening offer is £6,500.
APPLAUSE £6,500.
You have to agree on all these decisions.
You can pick the boxes individually but you have to agree on these big decisions.
I think it's clear at the moment, isn't it? You don't step away from that board.
OK, £6,500.
Deal or no deal? - No.
- Deal.
APPLAUSE Jon, what are you planning on doing? Are you going with his system or are you going to go rogue? Three boxes to open.
I don't like the pressure.
Have a move around.
I mean, where are you drawn to? Where do you think the money is? What would you pick now? LAUGHTER Guys, I know I didn't come on that weird Brokeback Mountain trip with you but that's because I had a nightmare about a moment like this.
You are about to find out what we learnt.
LAUGHING What would you want to go with? That was Sean's system.
What are you going to go for? It's working now, isn't it? It's not really working.
That's an OK board.
We've got the power five, Jimmy.
I've turned into a Deal person! LAUGHTER How did this happen? The power five are there, yes, but look how many reds you're missing now.
So I'm going off system.
Are you? (AUDIENCE) Oooh! They are not happy about you going off system.
He's his own man.
He's got to go with his own I'm not my own man! Why would you go off system? Jon, imagine me and you in the Caribbean together.
How do I avoid that happening? LAUGHTER I'm going to stick with this system for two reasons.
One because it's working and two, because as the system would have it, it would be Mark, my remaining friend.
PHONE RINGS We haven't even chosen something! I think he just sat on the phone.
Dream Factory.
I'll ask You're sticking with the system, yes? Yes.
The banker says that he was wrong about you.
(AUDIENCE) Oooh! Exactly.
Inside your head, Jon.
He's scared of me.
Otherwise he wouldn't be trying to scare me.
He's more scared of me than I am of him.
Tell him that.
Phone about now.
Do you know his number? - I can phone him, yes.
- Phone him.
One?! How old is he? Did he have the first phone? LAUGHTER Hello.
Banker.
Brian.
Jon says that you're afraid of him.
He's not afraid of you.
I can hear him crying.
He's saying that that sounds like the talk of a man who can't abandon the system because he wants to be able to blame Sean for whatever happens.
That's exactly what's happening.
Pick a box.
I'm picking Mark but for my own reasons, not because of the system.
Mark Olver, friend of the show, friend of Jon's, friends of all of ours.
Open your box.
GASPS Pass me the envelope, mate(!) The system's broken.
I stuck with you as long as I could because I'm a good friend.
When a man's got to take a decision, a man takes a decision.
All right.
What decisions should I make? I'm going to go with Gemma, number six.
Gemma Collins, of course, star of The Only Way Is Essex.
If you won a quarter of a million pounds, Gemma, how would you waste it? I think I would buy a pink Bentley and then have, like, all Swarovski crystals inside it.
Right.
Inside? That doesn't sound very comfortable.
Oh, shut up.
Not on the seats.
Just on the dashboard, and the gear stick, and the steering wheel.
That's what you want on the steering wheel in the event of an accident.
The hardest substance on earth.
This is the first non-system box of the game.
And you picked it, Jon.
OK, Gemma, if you could open the number 6 box.
GROANING £15,000.
Only five reds remain.
Four of them are huge numbers.
I'm going to take the man who implemented the system out of the game.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Andy Smart, you're one of Sean's friends.
I notice a lot of Jon's friends live with Jon.
All of Sean's previous flatmates are either dead or missing.
LAUGHTER OK, shall we open this box? Let's hope for blue.
APPLAUSE PHONE RINGS Oh! What if we just don't answer.
He'll just go, won't he? He anticipated that you would refuse to answer the telephone.
How do we know? So he hired himself an assistant.
Yes, like a real man.
Send someone else to do it.
Ladies and gentlemen, it's Joe Wilkinson, the banker's assistant.
APPLAUSE Joe, how did you get this job? I was at the Jobcentre this morning and they said, did I want to be a banker's assistant? I went "No.
" But they mentioned a little someone was going to be on the show, Susie Dent, and we've got a bit of history.
From Countdown, you know.
Lovers, I'll say the word.
LAUGHTER Susie, is that true? Yes, it's true.
We walked off into the sunset after one Mash Up and now I'm going out with the banker's assistant.
Lucky cow.
LAUGHTER Landed on her feet.
Imagine having you on tap! 24/7! Are you hoping to get promoted within this world of banking? Yeah, yeah, I'd love that.
Yeah, I'm good at numbers.
Give us a number, give us a number.
Heard of that.
LAUGHTER PHONE RINGS I'll get this.
LAUGHTER Hello.
Oh, hello, Mum.
If you don't mind, I gave my mum my work number.
LAUGHTER No, no, I've got a job.
Deal Or No Deal.
Eh, it's all right.
No, no, Noel's not here.
No.
Jimmy Carr's hosting it.
Yeah, that is a shame.
LAUGHTER Eh? What do I want for tea? Erm, chicken Kiev.
Er, peas and chips.
All right, beans, it's fine.
LAUGHTER Dunno, about half-ten? Oh, don't start! Why you being like this? Yeah, all right.
Yeah, I love you.
(Yeah, I love you too.
) LAUGHTER Sends her love.
I presume that's the letter.
I thought it was a birthday card.
He's going to have dropped it and it's going to be about 2,500, knowing that dick.
LAUGHTER The last offer was 6,500.
Second offer is £7,800.
(GASPS) Is that better? APPLAUSE That is better, yeah.
You thought he'd go down, he's gone up.
Can I nip off? I want to have a fag.
Yeah, Joe Wilkinson, everyone.
Give it up for Joe.
CHEERING £7,800.
Are you tempted to? No.
Yes.
You choose.
Well, you see, you get distracted by the top two, don't you? You think, while they're there but if they go, we're knackered.
Rachel Riley, what do you think? You're good with numbers.
I think they're laying the groundwork for an all-blue round.
Loads of blues left.
How lucky are they feeling? The 1p kiss is still out there.
Yeah, but it could be you, could be John Fothergill.
LAUGHTER I don't think we can deal when we've got four of the big five.
I think we should show strength.
Yes.
£7,800.
Deal or no deal? No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o oh-h-h-h-h-h oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Oh! LAUGHTER Deal.
CHEERING We've got three boxes to open.
Sean? I was tempted to go with John.
All right then.
You think John Fothergill? You've known Sean for how long? I was his first wife.
LAUGHTER It was on the rigs, Jimmy, it was on the rigs.
They were dark days! I think there's a tenner in here.
CHEERING It's the 1p kiss, everyone.
(COUGHS) The 1p is gone.
I don't care whether we win any money, this show's changed my life! I want more of that.
OK, you've got two more boxes to open.
That man, number 4.
He's let me down LAUGHTER .
.
so many times.
Again and again and again.
He's never come through.
Well, I feel quite good about that.
OK, so you've had the perfect start to this round.
1p has gone, let's see if you can keep it up.
OK, Dave, open that box 4.
LAUGHTER Pow! GROANING Let you down again! Oh! LAUGHTER How are you feeling? Fu Sh Not Well, I'm not surprised.
Dave does this again and again and again.
So, that £100,000 is looking pretty lonely there now.
(MIA) I think you've got to be a bit more positive.
It's like, you've still got the 100 grand.
Still got three big ones.
Loads of blues left, get a bit of positivity, then get a blue next.
CHEERING Yeah, Jon! Jon, is there a way you could turn this into the most important bit of tidying up you've ever done? Interesting.
So you have to tidy up the blues and leave it with 100 grand just sat on the living room table.
(KATHERINE) I agree.
Down with the system, up with the syndrome! LAUGHTER Have a walk around, Jon.
See what you think.
Well, I was going to go and check the boxes for dust.
Look at that.
Look.
What am I looking at there? That was on the box.
Wow.
Well, you've obviously got to choose that then, haven't you? That's clearly an indication.
Absolutely.
I'm the only person who has come dressed as a box, which is unfair.
OK, Holly, are you going to open box 21? She's barely got the strength.
CHEERING The big, big number went, but so did the penny.
PHONE RINGS Banker, tell us what's going on.
Catwoman(?) It was an extraordinary LAUGHTER The banker said that his assistant did very well last time.
Joe Wilkinson is coming back, everyone.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE (JOE) Thank you.
So, last time you came, you gave us an offer of £7,800.
Yep.
I mean, have you got the authority to make an offer here? Have I? Er What would you offer now, looking at that board? Shit! LAUGHTER We've still got three big reds.
I've got about £1.
50 on me, but I really fancy getting a KitKat, so about I can only go up to 80p, if I'm honest.
LAUGHTER Cos I want to get a KitKat.
I want to get a four-finger.
LAUGHTER All right, I'll get a two-finger one, £1.
20.
Fucking hell! Come on, serious offer £1 million! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE £1 million! PHONE RINGS Deal or no deal?! It's the banker.
He wants to see you in his office.
Oh, piss! LAUGHTER APPLAUSE OK, you're working on your own from here on in, fair enough.
He's going to be incredibly generous.
Just because he thinks that Jon Richardson is a force to be reckoned with.
The offer is still £7,800.
Oh! APPLAUSE So you lost the quarter of a million, but he thinks the 1p balanced it.
£7,800.
Do you know what's pathetic? Even though I know that was all a joke, that compliment really cheered me up! Really.
You see, I am naturally pessimistic, and I would probably deal now.
An optimist would tell you that, you know, while you've still got a big number, you've got more chance of hitting blues, but a realist would say you're taking a pounding, take the money.
Yeah, that really sounds like a force to be reckoned with, doesn't it(?) LAUGHTER Someone I wouldn't want to mess with(!) Shall we do a sweep? Shall we say what people think? I'd love to do a sweep.
This place is dusty.
Gemma, what do you think? What would you do in this situation? Would you deal or no deal? I'd deal.
You'd deal for £7,800? Does that mean you can get the money off the banker? I don't think Gemma has ever watched the show.
She thinks this is Take Me Out.
LAUGHTER OK, Mark, what would you go for? No deal.
Nicola, what would you go for? No deal.
Stephen? No deal.
- Nick?- No deal.
- Mia?- No deal.
Nick, are you all right? We've got 11 boxes left! LAUGHTER We're halfway through the fucking game! Apologies.
Rob? No deal.
No deal.
Andy? No deal.
No deal.
No deal.
- Elis? - Deal.
Corinne, you're saying no deal.
No deal.
Thing is, if you want to win big, you've got to risk it.
Let's just take a look at the no deal that Corinne made last time she was on this show.
She was offered £88,000 and she didn't deal.
What I'm now going to do is either make your dream come true .
.
or not.
Yes.
I hope this is the dream.
GROANING The penny? APPLAUSE You turned down £88,000 and you won a penny, that I believe you've got round your neck.
Yes.
The reason I turned it down was I wanted the money to buy a vintage Bentley.
Of course.
Which would have cost me 200 grand.
So 88 grand wouldn't have bought what I wanted.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE I know it sounds dreadful, but That's exactly what we want.
I want to get a charity a vintage Bentley.
And we're not going to do that for 7,800.
Let's just quickly do this side.
So, deal or no deal? No deal.
No deal.
- No deal.
- No deal.
- No deal.
- No deal.
- No deal.
I don't know.
LAUGHTER Do you have any idea what's going on, Tony? No, but it's addictive.
Alice, what would you go for? No deal.
You'd go no deal.
John? I think seven grand is a nice little bit for charity.
You know? And John will double it! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE I'd deal.
You'd deal at this point? Rachel, what do you think? I'd no deal.
And Matt? No deal.
No deal.
You're our resident statistician, OK? Why would you not deal at this point? Because all you've got to do is leave one of those big numbers and you'll probably get a similar offer, whatever small one you've got left.
(JON) No! I'm afraid I was slightly lost in your eyes.
I didn't get any of that.
LAUGHTER If you've got 35, 50 or 100, you're likely to get a similar offer, aren't you? OK, so are you ready for the question? (JON) Yeah.
£7,800.
Deal or no deal? LAUGHTER (DEEP VOICE) No Deal.
CHEERING Three more boxes to open straight after the break.
See you then.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Welcome back to 8 Out Of 10 Cats does Deal Or No Deal.
Let's see what's going to happen next.
Are you ready to open some more boxes? I quite like the idea that Nicola will have a low amount in her box.
Nicola Adams there, Olympic gold.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE It feels like a blue.
It feels like blue? We need this one to be blue.
Open up box number 1.
Good luck.
GROANING £50,000 gone.
Well, I guess it was a red.
LAUGHTER Don't worry.
You are last on our list of people we would be upset with.
LAUGHTER What do you think, Jon? You can choose this time.
Number 10, Alice.
Alice, Radio One DJ.
May the force be with you.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE You needed that.
You really needed that.
So, you took a big risk turning down 7,800 and you could be all right if this last one is a blue.
You've got to believe it before you can do it.
Don't you feel that you can look at a box and fill it with your goodness? Not a whole box.
I couldn't do a box.
A teaspoon.
LAUGHTER It's my pick, isn't it? Number 3, Nong.
Shall we see what happened last time you opened a box? If you want.
Let's have a look.
(NOEL EDMONDS) I hope it was all worth it.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE What was the offer? 68,000.
So £68,000, you said "no deal", and you won a quarter of a million pounds? Yes.
Am I correct in saying that you live in the Swindon area? Where Jon used to live? And you're single? Yeah.
Do you? (LAUGHS) LAUGHTER I just thought, because she's got money and lives in your area.
I'm not laughing She laughed in your face.
Brian, I need you.
Send anyone.
So, Nong, let's see if your good luck can rub off on them.
Open box number 3.
OK.
Good luck.
CHEERING Thank you, Nong.
PHONE RINGS Hello.
That is a vital last box.
He said that every offer would be aimed at Jon.
£9,000 and Nong's phone number.
LAUGHTER In case I want abusing when I get home as well? Could you just laugh at me over the phone while I sleep? £9,000.
It's the highest offer you've had so far.
You've still got the 100,000, you've still got the 35,000.
Are you daring to dream? Of course he's not.
LAUGHTER Purely selfishly, I would rather be the person who dealt slightly early but gave £9,000 to charity, than the person who pushed too far and gave them, I don't know, 750 quid.
How is the charity going to get the Bentley if we don't take a risk? Do you reckon you'll end up opening the box? You might get more money that way.
But if you keep opening boxes, you're probably not going to get Unless you leave the two big ones, you won't get much bigger of an offer.
PHONE RINGS Hello.
OK, he's got something he thinks might be helpful.
If you had an all-blue round now, he would double your money to £18,000 on the next offer.
But if we only get the 100,000 But, Jon, if you have an all-red round, then it's gone.
22 is the death box, so all I would say is that probably hasn't got the £100,000 on it.
Why do you say that? That's the box that everyone goes, "Whoa, don't go 22!" I've nicknamed my box Torres, to make it blue and not worth very much.
Oh, nice.
LAUGHTER APPLAUSE I don't think if we do a round we're going to hit three reds.
I really don't.
I think you'll hit blues.
I think you should go one more round, personally.
What are you guys going to do? You've got to make a decision now together, come on.
I mean, I would deal.
Yeah.
Grow a pair, Richardson.
Audience, put your hands up.
Who thinks they should deal? Who thinks they should no deal? One of the guys who put his hands up to deal is Mr Al, and he is one of the most sort of regular regulars and experts on the stats.
Why do you think they should deal? An all-blue round The chance of an all-blue round is 18%.
So it's an 82% chance you will not have an all-blue round.
You just spoke to Rachel Riley, so that's your life complete.
LAUGHTER I'm better with numbers than I am at chatting up girls.
No shit.
LAUGHTER (LAUGHS) If we deal we've still got to go round and do all the fucking boxes anyway, so it doesn't matter.
LAUGHTER What do you think, Jon, Sean? An all-blue round is the best we can possibly do.
But then it's double.
I think we should no deal.
I think that maths says we should deal but we will probably no deal.
Are you ready for the question? Yeah.
Sean, Jon, £9,000, deal or no deal? No Deal.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE They are taking a very brave choice.
£9,000, they have said "no deal".
That board is dangerous.
Have they done the right thing, have they done the wrong thing? Find out after this break.
We're opening three more boxes.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Welcome back to 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Deal Or No Deal.
Before the break, Jon and Sean turned down £9,000 on this precarious board.
Come and have a look.
There's only two numbers here that matter - 35,000 and £100,000.
You've got to pick three boxes now and if those two go you're in a lot of trouble.
So you've turned down £9,000.
It strikes me that, Jon, you did not want to do that.
You can't live with regret, can you, Jimmy? You've got to stay positive.
And I'd like Susie Dent to open box 16.
Susie Dent.
We really need a blue here, Susie.
OK.
Open up the box.
(SINGS THE COUNTDOWN THEME) Wrong tune.
Oh, no, that's the right one.
LAUGHTER THEY ALL SING THE COUNTDOWN THEME Da-da, da-da, da-da-da-da, boom! (SEAN SINGS THE THEME FROM MATCH OF THE DAY) LAUGHTER CHEERING AND APPLAUSE UmElis.
Elis.
You're a stand-up comedian, you're from Wales.
Yeah.
Could it be blue? Is it blue? CHEERING AND APPLAUSE You both remember what the banker said.
He said if you got an all-blue round, he would double the offer from £9,000 to £18,000.
You're one blue box away from £18,000, guaranteed.
I would go with box 8 to even it up, so it's two-a-side.
For this vital box, you've gone for one of the unluckiest players there's ever been.
Corinne, a little bit of good luck for them would be blue now.
Come on, Corinne, open box 8.
CHEERING Yes.
You've turned this round.
Wildly against the odds - it was an 18% chance of going on a blues cruise there.
You did it.
PHONE RINGS LAUGHTER Banker.
Brian.
LAUGHTER The offer is £18,000, as he said.
APPLAUSE £18,000 for that board.
Ooh, Brian! LAUGHTER Do you think you can defy the odds again? I mean We would have to keep the 100 Mm.
.
.
to get a better offer.
Jon, to be fair, you've compromised when you've needed to.
You've got to a significant amount of money now.
18 grand to a charity - that could employ four of those clipboard people for a year! LAUGHTER I would've dealt last time.
So, you know What about you guys? Show of hands - who would deal? Who would deal? Who would no deal? About 50-50.
It shows it's a tough decision - what are you guys going to do? What do you want to do, Jon? I think we should deal.
Fine.
(AUDIENCE BOOS) I mean, that noise is going to happen whatever I say.
When it's 50-50, 50% of the audience are going to go, "Boo!" Aren't you? (AUDIENCE) No.
Let's try that.
What would the noise be if you said? I think we should no deal.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Sean, Jon, are you ready for the question? Are we? No.
I think we should possibly no deal, but £18,000 is a lot of money, so if you want to deal, I'm happy to deal.
I would no deal, I'd carry on.
(TUTS) Shit.
LAUGHTER It's hard, isn't it? Come on - deal or no deal? I think we should go no deal.
(AUDIENCE) Yeah! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Whoo! Do you want to risk it? Or do you want £18,000 guaranteed now? Deal or no deal? No deal.
No deal! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE They've gone no deal.
If you don't hit that 100,000 on the next three boxes, we're in for a big offer.
Let's go, let's pick those boxes.
18, Tony Law.
Three vital boxes.
Ugh.
Tony Law, we're looking for 10p, we're looking for £750 in this box.
Please, Tony.
As long as it's not a foot.
LAUGHTER OK, we're hoping it's not a human foot.
Or £100,000.
Don't Don't be that.
Or a foot.
It's £35,000.
Oh, I'm sorry.
OK, that is off the table now.
We've still got the £100,000 left.
It's a one-box game.
What are you going to go for? What do you want, Jon? 22, 17 or 11? Er Steve Frost, 17.
Steve Frost, 17.
Open up the box, Steve, show us what's in there.
We're looking for blue.
Maybe we should've dealt.
LAUGHTER Wise words, Sean.
Wise words.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE £750.
Tens of thousands of pounds rest on this last box.
Which box are you going to open next? Rachel, 22.
The death box.
I'm going to stand up for this.
- Really? - Yeah.
If this is the £100,000, you've thrown away 18,000.
But if it isn't you've made a fortune for your charities.
Jon Richardson is a man that never takes risks, but he's taken a massive risk today.
Oh, God.
OK.
Come on, Rachel, reward their courage.
Come on, Torres, score for once.
LAUGHTER CHEERING AND APPLAUSE £5,000.
It's red, but it really doesn't matter.
It really doesn't matter.
PHONE RINGS Optimism.
Banker.
He's saying that, Jon, you took a risk there.
He admires that.
He's saying, Sean, he underestimated you.
It happens to so many.
LAUGHTER This offer is aimed at both of you.
The offer is £32,000.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE £32,000.
Well, we have to deal on that.
We have to - we have no choice.
I think we should go on.
- Do you? - No! LAUGHTER Cos that's That's not fair, is it, to end up with 10p? 10p, you'd have to divide that between both charities, so that's Do we know? Yeah.
I think so, yes.
Yeah.
You ready for the question? - Mm.
- Yeah.
So £32,000 .
.
deal or no deal? Deal.
Yeah.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Sean Lock and Jon Richardson just won £32,000 for their chosen charities.
Let's see what you've got in here.
Let's see if you've spanked the banker.
We all want to see the 10p, yes? (ALL) Yeah! If the 10p's in here, you will have played the perfect game.
You sold what was in this box for £32,000.
OK? (CHUCKLES) CHEERING AND APPLAUSE You have spanked the banker! Fantastic.
Well played there.
(SEAN) Perfect game.
Rob, show us what's in that box.
I told you I was good at raffles.
LAUGHTER £100,000.
Game over.
£32,000 won for your chosen charities.
Let's quickly hear about those charities.
What charity were you raising money for today? The charity's called the Pseudo Obstructive Research Trust.
It's a digestive problem that affects young people and it gets misdiagnosed as bulimia.
They can't digest their food and then they vomit and they're often misdiagnosed as a psychological condition when it's physical.
It happens a lot to young children and young adults.
That's a great charity.
Jon, what are you raising money for? For Help The Hospices, because my nan died this year and she had hospice care and it's not funded, so they rely on Deal Or No Deal.
(LAUGHS) A wonderful thing.
APPLAUSE Ladies and gentlemen, Jon Richardson and Sean Lock.
Give them a round of applause.
Thank you.
£32,000 they walk away with for their charities.
Thanks to our box openers, our wonderful audience - the pilgrims - and to everyone for watching at home.
That's it from 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Deal Or No Deal.
Good night! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Red Bee Media Ltd