8 Out Of 10 Cats (2005) s20e04 Episode Script

Melanie C, Jessica Knappett, Joe Wilkinson, Tom Allen

1 CHEERING Tonight on 8 Out Of 10 Cats I'll tell you what I want.
It's Melanie C.
Not your average Joe.
It's Joe Wilkinson.
And their team captain, Rob Beckett.
And facing them tonight From Drifters, it's Jessica Knappett.
Standing up for himself, it's Tom Allen.
And their team captain, Aisling Bea.
Now welcome your host, Jimmy Carr.
CHEERING Hello, and welcome to 8 Out Of 10 Cats, a show about opinion polls, surveys and statistics.
Did you know, for example, 10% of European babies are conceived on an Ikea bed, so be sure to follow the instructions.
Put peg A into slot B and then screw until the nuts tighten.
Salad drawers in fridges contain 8,000 bacteria per square centimetre.
For viewers in Scotland, the salad drawer is the bit at the bottom of the fridge where you keep your emergency lager.
And 20% of people admit to preparing a meal just to photograph it for social media.
It sounds weird, but to be honest, I'm like that with my erections.
Right, let's get started.
What Are You Talking About - that's the name of our first round.
It's our panellists' job to guess the British public's top three most popular talking points.
Aisling's team, what do you think the nation have been talking about? Is it that Justin Bieber hit one of his followers? The shit hit the fan, you might say.
APPLAUSE I think, genuinely, it looks sort of fair enough.
- Yeah, course it is.
- Have you seen the footage? Take a look at the footage and tell me what do you think.
- That guy IS quite annoying.
I've never seen anyone look so happy to be punched in the face.
He was genuinely, "Oh, my God!" SPANISH ACCENT: Can you imagine how many Snapchat likes I'm going to get? This is amazing.
Why don't you talk like that all the time? His problem there was that he's actually got a good punch, he's got a good right hook, and he shouldn't have been using his powers for evil.
I can't believe he did that.
I haven't seen that.
Well, the guy had his hand fully in the car.
- I think there's a case for - Yeah, but do your windows up.
- He can afford air con.
- You can't do that! If a stranger ever runs along beside your car that you don't know and sticks his hand in and tries to grope you, you fucking nut him in the face.
You do.
Manners, people.
- Have you met him, Mel? Have you met Justin Bieber? - I've not met Bieber, no.
Jimmy's met everybody.
What's your goss on Justin Bieber? Very nice man.
I went out clubbing with him.
He was delightful.
- What are you talking about?! - You went clubbing with Justin Bieber? The human statue, clubbing, Jimmy like that How dare you?! - What was the average age group? - I would say the average age group I would say I was in the older demographic.
So, Tom, what do you think? Is that fair enough, or do you think? - To punch someone out of a car? - That you don't know.
Who just stuck their hand in and groped you.
Oh, I'd probably take it.
Especially Especially if I was in one of those Uber pools.
You know, we live in a cruel world, don't we? We've got enough punching and hitting and crying.
I think if somebody wants to put their hand in - and grab his whatsits - By the pussy.
If they want to grab my pussy, then I'll let them.
I should warn you that Tom's pussy is an outie.
He's quite scrappy, though.
His music doesn't really suit his sort of attitude offstage.
You expect that behaviour from, like, Oasis, or a rock band, someone who's a bit sort of crazy, but he's onstage going TIMIDLY: # Mama said # .
off, mate! - .
- He's getting a bit ahead of himself at the moment, - cos he's just had a tattoo done saying, "Son of God".
- Yeah.
- Is that right? - Yeah, I saw that and thought, "Jesus.
" Superb body as well.
- What, sorry, Joe? - A superb body.
I find it so distressing, Joe going, "He's got a superb body.
" He has.
Can we get that any bigger? - Mel, can I ask about your fans down the years? - Yeah.
Solo and Spice Girls.
- What's the weirdest thing a fan's sort of done? - Um Well, they do run alongside cars, and this is why I'm so shocked he had the window down and was so angry that someone actually reached in, cos they just want to touch you, really.
Do you think it would be weird, Mel, if someone as a child looked up to you and then worked really hard at comedy to one day be on a panel show just so I could be close to you? Do you think that would be weird? I think someone's going to be reaching into your car later on.
If I were you, now, I would LAUGHTER Oh, Mel! I loved the Spice Girls.
I was a massive fan of the Spice Girls.
And it was a bit more fun and innocent, like, when you were a kid.
Now, like, sort of, like It's much more raunchier.
Cos, like Like, Geri at the Brits, bit of a booby dress, like, "Oh, my God.
" Now, it's, like, Miley Cyrus, and she's got her labia over her shoulder like aworker sucking off a bulldozer.
I didn't know what some of your songs were about.
I remember my grandad's 80th, myself and my cousin sang, a cappella, 2 Become 1 to my grandad.
# I need some love like I've never needed love before # Wanna make love to you, baby # I had a little love Now I'm back for more Wanna make love to you, baby.
Happy birthday, Grandad.
We had no idea.
Well, I can tell you Justin Bieber is not one of the most talked about things.
For the rest of his tour, Justin Bieber will be driven round in a car with bulletproof glass, just so he doesn't shoot any of his fans.
OK, Rob's team, what do you think the nation have been talking about over the last week? - Black Friday.
- Black Friday.
Tell me more.
It was the big sale event on Friday.
It was started in America, the day after Thanksgiving, and now it's come over here, and they have a big sale pre-Christmas.
Yeah, which I think's quite good.
Everyone moans.
"It's an American thing.
I don't like American things.
" Well, American things are quite good.
They do cheeseburgers and action films, and I like them.
Of all the things that we appropriate from America from the Thanksgiving period, it's not like we take, oh, I don't know, Thanksgiving, where we all sit around, don't buy each other presents and just be grateful.
No, we'll take the thing where people punch people in the face just to get a Dora the Explorer doll on the discount.
I just get worried about how we view bargains as a positive thing, cos there's this thing where you go, like, "Oh, my God, do like my top? I got it for only £3," as if that says you're a humble person.
What you're saying is, "I got my top for £3, do you like it? "I got a child in a developing nation to get a job in a factory.
"I'll wear it once and I'll throw it in the bin.
"No, I won't throw it in the bin, cos I'm a good person.
"I'll give it to a charity shop.
I'm such a good person.
"I love shopping, girls like shopping.
" I don't bother with Black Friday.
I've still got three unopened tellies from the riots.
Why bother? Mel, have you got any bargains in sales? Did you buy anything good? You do that thing, don't you, when you don't even need something, but because it looks like such a great bargain, you have to have it? Tell me.
I've got a Russian wife.
I do love a bargain, but it's very easy to get overexcited, get carried away.
The charity shop that sells your stuff, did they do a sale? Just going to leave that.
Said I wouldn't cry.
I said I wouldn't cry.
Tom, have you bought anything that you've regretted? Orange sweater.
How rude.
I was told that this programme was reaching out to a younger demographic, so I decided to wear bright colours.
I think you've always got to be wary of, like, internet bargains, cos I bought a chaise longue recently off the internet.
- A chaise You've changed! - It was very cheap.
- How much is a chaise longue these days? - It was £150.
- I thought, "Cheap for a chaise longue.
" - OK.
It arrived and it was this big.
It was a child's chaise longue.
What child has a chaise longue? - Tom Allen.
- Tom Allen.
And I'm so glad you're getting as much wear out of it as I did.
Let's have a look and see if Black Friday is up there.
Yes, it's Black Friday.
Black Friday is fast becoming a tradition in this country.
Christmas isn't Christmas if you haven't seen two fat women in Hartlepool fighting over a Nutribullet they're never going to use.
OK, fingers on buzzers.
Two more things still to get.
BUZZER What do you think? Rob? - The X Factor.
- Yeah.
It's got to be Honey G, or H to the Gizzle, whatever she's called.
LAUGHTER H to the Gizzle.
H to the Gizzle.
I didn't see the show, but she got kicked out, didn't she? - Yeah.
- That's the bit I like, when they kick one of them out.
I like that bit, cos you get to see their face as their dreams are crushed.
Mel, have you seen any of Honey G on the X Factor? Well, everybody's going on about her, and I don't watch the X Factor.
Do you want to have a little look? She's pretty spectacular.
- If you like music - Uh-huh? - .
look away now.
MUSIC: California Love # Now, let me welcome everybody to the wild, wild west # It's a state that's untouchable like Eliot Ness # Cos I've been in the game for ten years making rap tunes # Ever since Honey was wearing sassoons # All good from Diego to the Bay # Your city is the bomb if your city making pay # Throw up your finger if you feel the same way Dr Dre putting it down for Californ-i-a - Come on.
- Love it.
I mean, I'm not sure.
I would describe that as not very Sporty Spice.
Looks like Britain has run out of talent.
He must be turning in his grave, Tupac, watching Honey G.
Biggie Smalls is still trying The reason she's been successful is since the dawn of time, man has loved nothing more than a DJ shout-out and recall.
It's so innate to who we are to be, like, oggy, oggy, oggy AUDIENCE: Oi, oi, oi.
- Oggy.
- Oi.
- Oggy.
- Oi.
When the crowd say "bo" MURMURING Sometimes, you know.
Try this one.
When I say "I eat", you say "ass".
I eat.
- Ass.
- Ha-ha-ha! People are criticising like, criticising her a lot.
Professor Green has been criticising her, saying she's not a proper rapper.
But I don't know if Professor Green is a proper academic.
Honey G looks all right.
I like her.
She looks like all the people from Guess Who? She's a lot like ex-Prime Minister David Cameron.
- Yes! Striking resemblance.
- And, you know, Honey G appeared shortly after David Cameron left office.
David Cameron was very obsessed with getting people back into work.
- I think this is what he's doing now.
- Oh, now Now you've said it, I can really see it.
When she sings, it does sound a bit like fucking a pig as well.
I've got an interesting fact about X Factor that I found out.
Um This is a genuine fact.
If you're sitting in the audience of X Factor, you can't actually sit there with a crossbow.
- In the studio? - No.
No, I said to the fella, I said, "What am I going to do with it, then, mate?" I take it everywhere.
They hardly let me bring it in here.
But, you know, you do what you can.
- Doesn't look very modern.
- I've had it years, mate.
I've had it since I was a kid.
Have you any arrows, Joe, or is it just the crossbow? - They took them off me.
- Yeah.
Mel, would you ever be a judge on one of those things? - I was a judge on Asia's Got Talent.
- And do they? What was the best thing you saw? What was the best talent? My favourite act was a Japanese comedy act.
I think there was about four or five of them.
It was, like, visual comedy.
And one of them peeled a banana with his arse cheeks.
Yes! Yes.
Ooh! I'm doing it now.
- Did you see the banana afterwards? - Yeah.
- Did you see the banana going in? - You see the banana - The banana, the bum.
- You see the banana and the bum.
The wriggle, and then the peeled banana fall to the stage.
He had one tucked up there.
Let's see if the X Factor's one of the most talked about things.
The X Factor.
Snoop Dog has stepped in to defend Honey G, calling her the greatest X Factor act of all time.
Proof, if proof were needed, that Snoop Dog still loves getting really high.
That's it for part one.
See you after the break.
Welcome back to 8 Out of 10 Cats.
We're still trying to guess the nation's most popular talking point.
- Fingers on buzzers.
Ashley? - I don't think Kanye West has had his best week.
He had a bit of a bad time on stage.
He wasn't too well.
What is interesting was he got hospitalised and they said it was because he was jealous of Beyonce.
Imagine if that is a euphemism we use.
"I was just feeling a bit jealous of Beyonce last week.
" LAUGHTER - One in five British adults - Is jealous of Beyonce.
It actually runs in my family, and so my father was actually jealous of Beyonce.
I hope he got the help that he needed.
It was great.
If you are watching at home and you are jealous of Beyonce There's people you can call.
I'd love to have her thighs.
LAUGHTER Can I just confirm that he is saying thighs.
- That's how I speak, Jim.
- I know, I love it.
I bloody love it.
That's all I've got.
Don't take that away from me.
I'm just a head.
- You are a set of teeth.
- Thank you.
Could you have a look at Kanye? Here is Kanye sharing his thoughts on Beyonce and Jay-Zee in this grainy footage filmed in Seattle.
Take a look.
Ah! That's really interesting.
He might be the sane one.
It may be the rest of us We are the ones that went for Brexit and elected Trump.
And it is really annoying when people don't call you back.
Maybe Jay-Z's run out of credit.
LAUGHTER He's been quite sort of erratic.
He's had some quite short of, shall we say, extraordinary behaviour.
You sound like a really lovely nurse.
A really lovely nurse going Basically someone's just thrown shit across the room and she's gone, "He's had some quite erratic behaviour.
" I think the thing with Kanye is it feels very modern to have a breakdown have a big sort of outpouring that's very public.
It never used to happen in the old days.
You'd never get that with Vera Lynn, on her concert tour suddenly going, "I'm fed up with everything.
"And I love that Mr Mussolini.
"Here's White Cliffs of Dover.
Fuck the lot of you, I'm off.
I'd like to think she has done that that is exactly the voice she would have done it in.
I reckon Kim Kardashian and Beyonce are mates.
And Jay-Z and Kanye are sort of having to double date.
Jay-Z is going to Beyonce, "Don't make me have another beer with him.
" I was going to go on a double date the other day, actually.
But in the end I couldn't find three other people to go with me.
Do you know what my mum would say to him? It's like my mum says to me when I get tired.
"Go and have a nice bath and early night.
"And that will sort you right out.
" Berocca in the morning, back on it.
I used to use Berocca as a mixer.
- Berocca as a mixer? That's a genius idea! - Exactly.
So you are taking the hangover out before it even starts.
Yeah, it's a healthy way to drink.
- What did you mix it with? - Vodka.
Ooh, Aisling.
I'm just a saucy girl.
I was feeling a bit jealous of Beyonce at the time.
I've got some of the things that Kanye said over the years that I think are extraordinary.
Maybe you'll disagree.
He said Has he not got a telly? I don't even know what that means.
It does sound like he's become a bigger arse than his wife.
I can tell you that Kanye West is not one of the most talked-about things.
Kanye's reportedly had a breakdown.
This sort of thing runs in his family.
Even Kanye's father-in-law, Bruce Jenner, lost his marbles.
OK, fingers on buzzers.
BUZZER - Too late.
- Rob? - Storm Angus? - That's the first one of the year.
- Do you know what I would have called it? Winter.
Isn't it? Do like the way they've all got such weird names, like the next one is going to be Barbara, apparently.
Then I think there's a Doris.
They all sound like menopausal dinner ladies.
I do think it must be good for insurance firms.
A lot of I imagine quite butch men wouldn't want to phone up their insurance company and belike, "You've got to give me a new shed, Barbara's just destroyed it.
" That was Tom Allen's impression of a butch man.
I don't get to meet many of them.
It's Angus and then Barbara will be the next one.
Then Connor, Doris, Euan, Fleur, Gabriel, Holly, Ivy They're quite posh, aren't they? They're like middle-class fight names.
Where's Storm Chiniqua? Shall we talk about fogbows? Fogbow was incredible.
It's like the best worst thing to come out of Storm Angus.
Everyone was saying, "Wow, look at this fogbow.
" It is a colourless rainbow.
As if the world isn't shit enough.
I think it's Trump's new world.
"There's a rainbow but I don't like gays.
" When is it a storm? When does it go from windy to a storm? Is it when the umbrella goes inside out? How do they measure the wind speed? Do they drive alongside it in a car? Just wait until it's fine when they stick their head out? They do it by the tail of a dog.
We thought we had it bad but America obviously much worse.
Take a look at this report from San Diego.
This it's the parking lot that is notorious for flooding.
You look at all of this water, this car is submerged and I am knee-deep in water.
But we got gut reaction from one driver who had his car stuck in this, we really feel for him this morning.
BLEEPING Aw, bless him! Ooh! Ooh! There was a point in America when they started talking about storms.
I think one senator said they were a punishment from God for gay marriage, I think.
Or as I like to call it "garage".
But I do think it's a bit naive to think that God's punishment would be a load of storms because then you'd have a lot of firemen coming after you and a lot of gay men like them.
But I do find in the UK we haven't had that sort of problem.
If there's ever a storm all you tend to see on the news, always, some old woman in a dinghy.
I think maybe that is God's punishment.
The thing that annoys me when there's flooding is it's always the guy in the high street in a canoe.
On every bit of news footage.
Who has a canoe in their garage? I mean, gay marriage.
The always use sandbags.
It stops the water.
It doesn't, does it? Have you seen a beach? I want to have a look and see if Storm Angus is up there.
Yes, it's Storm Angus.
So those were the nation's most popular talking points.
But in other news.
Donald Trump said this week he is as liberal and tolerant as the nextman.
Unfortunately the man he was standing next to was Nigel Farage.
Trump has called for Nigel Farage to be Britain's ambassador to America.
Say what you like about Farage but he doesn't care what people think about him.
At the end of that round Rob, Joe and Melanie have three points.
Aisling, Jessica and Tom have no points.
APPLAUSE That's it for part two, see you after the break.
Welcome back to 8 Out Of 10 Cats.
Our next round is Pick Of The Polls.
Aisling, Jessica and Tom, what do you like the look of? Jess, I will let you pick, my dear pal.
Oh, can I say I like the look of those suited young men? OK, so you've gone for the schoolkids.
A recent study has revealed the majority of British people regularly avoid old friends, so we asked our studio audience I went to a very ordinary comprehensive school.
I know, isn't it moving? I should really have a Pride Of Britain award.
One thing that people might not know about me is I went to school with Rob Beckett.
- Yes.
- He was in a different class to me, socially.
LAUGHTER So you guys, you were genuinely at the same school? - Yeah, you was a couple of years older.
- Thank you.
We didn't really hang about, did we? I was sort of playing football and stuff and you did music and theatre.
You used to hang around with loads of girls.
- I thought he was a lady's man for a bit.
- A lot of people did.
Thought I was quite the Casanova.
But, yeah, Rob was much more football, I was much more clarinet.
I remember Rob very vividly because he always had such a, let's say, a lovely smile and I've had these teeth since I was about six.
They followed me all the way through.
I had just the front two when I was little and I used to get called tombstones.
I think you're going to grow into them.
I reckon I'll get to about 85 and go, "They fit, finally!" I mean, I don't remember you being bullied at school.
Why is that a thing? - You were worried about your teeth.
- Fat German was a positive nickname.
Would you say it was a rough school that we went to, though? It's not a rough school for south-east London.
- I suppose it's a comparative matter.
- Can I ask you a small question? - Your voices, they are not exactly - This is the thing.
You go round his mum's house and she's a bit more like HIGH PITCHED VOICE: Oh, hello, Rob! LAUGHTER No, I, yeah, I am from quite an ordinary formally.
Almost too ordinary.
But, no, ordinary south London people, really.
I think you're a little bit more sort of cultured them my mob, but you used to dress up like a Victorian.
In sixth form, he used to walk around with a top hat and tails.
Basically, I thought it would be a great way to put people off the scent of me being gay.
I dressed up in Victorian clothes.
I remember, I also had I also had a briefcase which I asked my mum and dad for.
They brought me this briefcase and then they even had it monogrammed with my initials.
I imagine they thought that might make it easier to identify the body.
Have you been at a school reunion? - Have you gone back to the respective school? - This is it, isn't it? He's on the famous board.
The school has got a famous board.
- Oh, don't start that.
- Are you not on the famous board? - I'm not on the famous board.
- He's very upset about this.
Do you know who's on the famous board, right? Tom, fair enough.
- Thank you.
- Does a bit of telly and stuff.
- And Charlie Clements, Bradley from EastEnders.
- Thank you.
- And the Funky Chicks.
- Who now? - Thank you.
A dance quartet from south-east London that do kid's parties and they're on the famous board.
I've done The Cube.
You know they put my picture up there and then when I went to see it, someone had stuck chewing gum on my face.
- So it's not all it's cracked up to be.
- Sounds like Rob did go back.
While we talk about school reunions, let's take a look at everyone when they were at school.
OK, here's Rob.
- I mean, there is literally no difference.
- So cute.
Got a bit of a bonk eye in that one, haven't I? One is looking at it and one's gone for a bag of chips.
Has anyone ever been more south London? I've got a bit of a bonk eye in that.
Let's take a look at Aisling.
Here's you.
- Adorable.
Stop it.
- Mel, here's you.
- ALL: Ah! Adorable.
Properly adorable.
- Jessica.
- You've changed.
You can tell, as well, I'm in my older brother's shirt there.
You look like a bartender in the Wild West.
Ladies and gentlemen, please enjoy, Tom.
- I look horrific.
- Even when you had hair, it was shit.
Was that like a fancy dress and you were going as Ian Beale? What was going on there? LAUGHTER Yes.
Don't clap, don't clap that.
This is perhaps my favourite thing I have ever seen in my life.
- Joe Wilkinson as a child.
- Oh, my God! LAUGHTER What the fuck? Joe, can I just ask what it was like back in Dickensian times? A hard life.
- Have you got big ears? - Fuck off! Away! Are you sure that's me? How I've blossomed.
In the interest of fairness, we'd better look at me as a child.
Jimmy! You're so evil looking! You know when they see a picture and say, "I've just seen "a face in someone's knee? LAUGHTER When did the other ear sort of pop out? LAUGHTER It's like 14.
Just here it is.
Here he is.
OK, so let's get some answers on this.
Would you go to your school reunion, yes or no? What do you think? Yeah, I'd like to go back, prove them wrong.
- I think most people would.
- I think most people would.
- I'd like to go back, that'd be nice.
- Go back, lash out.
- We're going to go yes.
- What do you guys think? - No.
- "No! No!" - No! - No! No! Oh, God, I'm sorry, everyone.
Oh, God, it's happening again! I mean, no-o-o.
I can tell you, the answer is no, only 37% of our studio audience would like to go to their school reunion.
I had a geography teacher that used to fancy me, but she said, "I'm going to wait till you've finish school," and at half past three, she fucked me.
At the end of that round, it's three points for Rob's team, one point for Aisling's team.
APPLAUSE And The Winner Is is the name of our final round.
Here's your question.
BUZZER SOUNDS Erm, when the family you're living with discovers you're living in their house.
I never had my own room until I went to university.
- Aww.
- Sorry, you went? - I went to a polytechnic.
- Right.
Cos I've got loads of brothers, I've got so many brothers, what we used to do once a month was a pants and socks amnesty.
Basically, there's so many pants and socks knocking about, we used to put them all in the front room and then pair them up and then just take pairs and there wasn't a row about it.
- And that was Christmas? - That was Christmas, yeah.
APPLAUSE How many brothers have you got? I've got four brothers, that's a lot of pants and socks.
We only had one toilet as well.
Once, I wanted a wee and my dad was having a shit and he said to me, "Piss between my legs.
" APPLAUSE What's the alternative, piss in the garden? - Sink! The sink! - The sink?! I'm not doing it in the kitchen - my mum's peeling the potatoes! Sometimes it's like listening to a Jane Austen with you, Rob.
- Mel, when the Spice Girls started, did you share rooms? - I did.
I shared a room with Mel B.
Oh, Christ! How was that? Interesting.
Were there rows, or was it all right? In the early days, it wasn't too bad, cos we all still liked each other.
They've recently got together again, haven't they? Aren't three of them back together? - Yeah.
- Did they want you to rejoin? Yeah, but I just got cold feet and decided I didn't want to do it.
So have you heard the new song? I've heard a clip of it, a little clip.
# This is a song for her # You know you light it up # Cos you know who you are # Standing up, stand up # She's got that boom-boom-pop # That's something they can't stop # She's got that oh-oh-oh-oh-oh Song for her I think it's catchy.
It is catchy.
So's the Ebola.
APPLAUSE - Straight face.
- Game face, game face.
Game face.
OK, most annoying thing about sharing a house.
Is it when the others, um block up the spy holes you've just drilled? What about you - have you shared houses? I live with a couple.
They're called Dad and Mum.
It can be stressful sometimes, of course.
Sometimes you Well, I thought I heard sex noises, but it turned out my dad just had cramp.
Do you genuinely still live at home with your mum and dad? Come round any time, Jimmy.
I would, but your mum sounds like a handful.
Yes, yeah, I do, yeah.
- Still live at home.
- Because it's London, you work in London, so it's an easy Well, I don't know if I'm the only person in this room, but I can't afford my own fucking house.
- Jessica, have you shared a house? - Yeah.
My favourite ever housemate was a girl who used to walk around in her underwear and she did this what we called the "sexy baby" - Oh, God.
- .
which is where she just used to talk in a baby voice.
She just used to walk around going, "I'm thirsty, I want a dwink," and all the boys used to be like, "GET A GLASS! "I'M HERE!" It worked every time.
"I'm horny.
" - Seriously! - What do you thing, Aisling, what's the most annoying thing about sharing? It must be someone else eating your food or something like that.
Surely that's one of those "bugbears" that people talk about - "She ate my cheese.
" Is that an impression of Tom's mum? - Yeah.
- IN COCKNEY ACCENT: "Oh, Tom's been in again, Dave.
"Gone and eaten my cheese, "that posh little twat's been in eating my bloody cheese.
" Who do you think he is? "He's going to come in here with his bloody top hat and his cane "and go, 'I don't know where the cheese went!' "But I know, I know where the cheese went.
" Tom's mum, everyone.
APPLAUSE We've got to stop doing an impression, he's going to get grounded! Oh, dividing up cleaning duties, so dividing up who cleans what.
I'll give you that.
Yes, the most annoying thing about sharing a house is cleaning up after other people.
Me and my girlfriend share the household chores 50/50 - I do the ironing, dusting and washing up and she has sex with me.
BUZZER SOUNDS That sound tells me it's the end of the round and the end of the show, which means the final scores are Aisling, Jessica and Tom have two points, Rob, Melanie and Joe have three points, they're tonight's winners! CHEERING Thanks to all our panellists, our wonderful studio audience and to all of you for watching at home.
That's it from us, good night! CHEERING