8 Out Of 10 Cats (2005) s21e02 Episode Script

Sara Pascoe, Oti Mabuse, Rylan Clarke-Neal, Russell Kane, Maisie Adam

1 Tonight on 8 Out Of Ten Cats No pain no gain, it's Russell Kane.
Dancing Queen, it's Oti Mabuse.
And Rob Beckett, their team captain.
And facing them tonight, from This Morning to this evening, it's Rylan Clark-Neal.
Funny lady, it's Maisie Adam.
And Sara Pascoe, their guest team captain.
Now, welcome your host, Jimmy Carr! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello, and welcome to 8 Out Of Ten Cats, a show about opinion polls, surveys and statistics.
Did you know, for example, 95% of women say they'd opt for true love over great sex? Sorry, ladies, but on behalf of 100% of men, I'm here to inform you you're going to have to settle for neither.
More than 20% of all British people hate the sound of their own voice, or to put it another way, are from Birmingham.
If you are watching this in Birmingham, you can write and complain but don't call us.
And 12% of Brits have had sex in the sea.
Me and my girlfriend regularly have sex in the sea, the "A" is just for birthdays.
Right, let's get started.
What are you talking about? That's the name of our first round.
It's our panellists' job to guess the British public's top three favourite things to do on your mobile phone.
Rob's team? What do you think Britain likes to do on its mobile phone? Is it messaging people, then? WhatsApping.
- Yeah, WhatsApp's a big one.
- Messenger.
The worst thing on a WhatsApp is when you're in a stag do group and then it comes up with the no-name numbers and all you know about them, no name, but just the picture of them holding a massive carp.
These girls all just pointed to this lad when you said that.
WhatsApp is the difference between boys and girls' interaction in real life.
Girls will be like, "Oh, my God, I feel bad about "Terry.
I've been feeling insecure.
" "You OK babe?" And they'll all jump in on the chat, "What's made you feel different?" And then on Terry's WhatsApp group, "Do you want to see an old lady wank off a goat?" I'm in a WhatsApp group that was called The Three Musketeers.
It was with my two best friends and then it was called Two Musketeers And One Dick after a night out that I don't remember.
I think administrators have too much power in a WhatsApp group.
Because it is a brutal place.
"Hey guys, my birthday.
" And then it's like "Rob left".
Aw! But the only thing worse than being added into a WhatsApp group is finding out there is one you're not in.
- Which means they're slagging you off.
- The side group.
- It's terrifying.
- Are you in the female comedians WhatsApp? - No.
- That is a loaded question.
So, there's a female comedians WhatsApp.
I know, I'm in it but I'm deep undercover.
Hang on, hang on, who's in this group, then? Just all the really funny female comedians.
All the really funny female comedians that Sarah's friends with are in the group and then there's you.
Look, you're going to get added and you're not going to like it.
I don't want a pity add.
I'll add you and I'll be like, "Guess who was really great on TV tonight?" And I'll say, "New number, who's this?" Do you like my carp? Oti, on Strictly is there a WhatsApp group? Yes, we have one just for dancers every year because they replace us.
And do you have one for the people that you're having affairs with? - Getting interesting! - Bring it out! Listen to this, no! No! We have one just for pros, then we have one for pros and celebs, and then when we go on tour we have another one.
And what goes on tour stays on tour? Jimmy, you know the rules! Except sometimes when you get home you have to take antibiotics.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Are all the dancers in the dancer one? - Yes, all of us.
- Or is there one person that's not in it? I'm the Anton du Beke of comics.
Oti, can I ask about the judges on Strictly? Are they in the group or? No.
They probably have their own group because we have to keep it really professional so the dancers stick with the dancers and the judges with the judges.
Oh, if only the dancers stuck with the dancers.
- Don't even go there! - And not with the contestants.
Home-wrecker! - I am officially not allowed to do Strictly.
- Why? For obvious reasons.
I mean, if you're grinding on someone for 12 weeks and they're hot.
I mean, if Shirley Ballas so much as looked at me, I'd go off like a joke cigar.
If I was dancing with you, it'd be like a punched icing bag.
It would not! Punched icing bag, please! Oh, dear! No-one dances because they want to dance, you just dance with someone to get off with them, don't you? - Exactly, thank you.
- I've never gone out, "Let's have a good old dance.
" It's like, "Hopefully, if she's dancing with me, she might be up for it.
" So, why don't we have a quick texting challenge? All get your phones out.
Your challenge is to get someone to text you back a picture of a banana smile.
I'll demonstrate a banana smile.
- I don't live in a Morrisons.
- If they love you, they get a banana.
It's got to be a banana, you can't use a dick.
I'm out.
He said just the banana? I don't know what that means as a reply.
Can I do a word memo? Just put it in front of your mouth like a smiley face - Don't do it, it's a trap! - No, no, stop it! Oh no, we're on the same team! - Please, just play along! - I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry Well, in fairness, Rylan has been fooled before, and I'm so sorry about that.
How many Ns in banana? I've sent it, but all I'm going to get back is why, what's wrong? What's wrong? He's always doing this.
I got one, I got one! - What the, what? - What have you got? I got a double whammy, two people.
Oh, my God, that is incredibly quick.
I got one but he was too slow, too slow.
- Gutted.
- Hang on, Sara's got one already.
Yeah, I got one, as well, but he was too slow.
- We got one.
- Oh, we've got one here.
You've got one? Let's have a look.
- Who's that? - Who's that, who have we got? - Is that one of the dancers? - No, not one of the dancers Oh, that's one of the contestants she's having sex with.
- Have you seen Russell's? It's amazing.
- Let's have a look.
It's my mate Dan, and what a dickhead, he sent me his arse with a face on it and a banana.
How quickly did he do that?! Maisie, you get a point for that, because that was so quick.
Well done! Very good.
That's my mate, Beth, you can always count on her with a banana.
She was the first friend to tell me what an orgasm was, and I used to sit at the back with Beth, because she was a lot more street-smart than me, and I wrote a little note in the back of my book, saying, "What's an orgasm?" because I'd heard it, and she wrote back, I've still got the back of the maths book, and it says, "It's when your fanny gets excited.
" Those are the friends you need.
And then when it happened, did you, like, think of her? - I was like, "That's it!" - Yeah! Is that your celebration when you have an orgasm? Have you never made a woman cum, Rob? - Yeah, that's it.
- That's what we all do.
- Is your wife faking? - No, she does two hands! She's over egging it, isn't she? Like she's bringing a plane in, come on! Small microlight.
That's why porn is so unrealistic, because the women are never doing that, and that's the sign that it's real.
OK, well, let's see if it's up there.
Yes, it's messaging.
I like the way pictures you send disappear on Snapchat, so if I send my girlfriend a picture of my erect penis, it only lasts ten seconds, just like the real thing.
Sara, what else do people do with their mobile phones? - Social media.
- Social media.
Everyone on the Facebook, and the Twitter and Instagram.
- Are you on the social media? - I am on all of the social media.
- All of the social media? - Yeah, all of the social media.
One of my friends the other day, she's not a friend, but someone I know Someone I know Was it one of the girls that you kept out of the group? No! Stop bringing that up! - You're going to be added and you're going to hate it.
- OK! All the female comedians WhatsApp group is, as you'd expect, is just talking about shoes and how many of them we can buy with the money we get from stealing men's places on panel shows.
Memes are pretty common on social media.
Usually just a bit of fun, but check out this intense description of a meme war.
I can have a meme war with anybody and destroy them, and I've done it.
People actually bail at the end, and go, "Who is this guy?" "He's got, like, every meme ever produced on the internet.
" "He can knock us out with his memes," and I do, I have tonnes of memes.
I just keep meming them to death.
They just surrender because they just can't do it anymore.
They don't have the memes that I have.
A lot of times in a meme war, it's all about speed.
You've got to get to your memes quick.
If you can't get to them quick, you're useless, they'll just keep blasting you with memes and you can't fire back.
So you have to know where your memes are.
You've got to respect a man that's trying to show off about how tech savvy he is when he's on a desktop computer in his kitchen.
Like it's 1998! I've got a banana update.
My mum's text, she said, "We ain't got any in, I've googled one for you.
" Good, innit? Many parents are worried about the effects of social media on their children, but few take it as far as this concerned mother.
Take a look at what she does to her kid's phone.
I hereby denounce the effects that social media has on my children, their disobedience and their disrespect.
Farley! GUNSHO Well, I suppose the obvious thing to ask is, Rob, why is your mum doing that voice? I don't know what her kids did to deserve that, but I'm guessing they did something bad.
Well, I thought the dog was gonna get it at some point.
She is a stupid cow, she could have sold that phone for £50 on eBay.
My thing with social media is I do think it's making us slightly more anxious.
So it's hard to do this, but try to live your life, just try it for a day by this maxim - if I did it in real life, what would the consequences be? So you wouldn't draw back your curtains and show your baby in the bath to a street full of strangers, and go, "You, man "with your hands in your pockets, will you like my baby?" Girls, you wouldn't run into Asda, and go, "Everyone stop shopping, look at my smoky eye.
" No, of course not, that's someone who needs counselling.
Tagging yourself into hospital without explanation is one of the cruellest things I've ever seen.
"Russ is at Southend Hospital.
" Why? Guess.
Do you know what I can't bear, as well? The fake posting.
I'm so happy with my new sofa, and it's nothing to do - with the sofa, she's in a bikini, it's like, who likes my new sofa? - Oh, yeah, with the captions.
Oh, my God, my flap's come out, I can't believe it, oh no! I've got a cartoon dog face on If you've got a cartoon dog face and your fanny out on the internet and you're 35, get help! Or get paid for it! That's what I was thinking! OK, let's see if social media is up there.
Yes, it's social media! I'm very plugged in, when it comes to social media, so if you want me to like your Facebook page, just fax it over to me, and I'll see what I can do.
That's it for part one, see you after the break.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Welcome back to 8 Out Of 10 Cats, where we are still trying to guess our favourite thing to do on a mobile phone.
Rob's team.
- One more thing still to get.
- Play games.
- Play games? - Yeah.
What kind of games? Like the games where marriages break up? There's an affair with a husband and a dancing chum.
- Those kind of games? - Candy Crush.
- Candy Crush? Yeah.
Candy Crush.
- OK, Candy Crush.
Do you play Candy Crush? - No.
- What do you play on the phone? - I play - You're touching the buzzer.
- Am I? LAUGHTER APPLAUSE Do you play any games, Maisie? I peaked when that Pokemon Go thing was going on.
- Oh, yeah, that was huge.
- No, it annoyed me.
Why? It was like Deliveroo for paedophiles, wasn't it? I hated it.
LAUGHTER I was going travelling across America when it got really, really popular, and at one point, we were on the Amtrak train in the dead of night going across the Colorado Desert, and people were going on the train tracks in order to get a Pikachu or something.
I wouldn't go on the tracks for a Pikachu, but a Charizard, I would.
Rylan, are you a games person? Do you play any games? Not really, no, but I like I downloaded this game and it's like you're a pilot.
And, like, you land the plane and you take off.
Remember when I asked you if you play any games? That's a game, isn't it? You're not really flying a plane, are you? Unless that is how easyJet make it so cheap.
LAUGHTER No, I enjoy it because I always wanted to be a pilot, as well, so I thought I'd try that.
What about being cabin crew? LAUGHTER Oh, Jimmy, you actually went there.
Of course.
I am offended.
LAUGHTER OK, so playing virtual reality games on your phone can make you forget where you are.
Look at this hysterical reaction.
HE SQUEALS HE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY HE SQUEALS HE SQUEALS HE SCREECHES OK, so why the games? Sara, do you play any games? It's not a game, but one of my, well, lots of my friends have had babies and they all do this squeezy thing, so I'm doing it as well.
- You should never squeeze a child.
- No, not the baby! You've stolen my friends! No.
- What do you squeeze? - Pelvic floor, bro.
- Oh, yeah.
- Your pelvic floor.
- Are you doing it now? - No.
You'll know.
We've now got a meme for the show.
Watch 8 Out Of 10 Cats, everybody's coming.
And obviously, men have them as well.
- All bodies have a pelvic floor.
- Are you doing it right now? I am now, because you've brought it up.
- Yeah, me too.
- Wow.
- I'm doing it.
I reckon I could carry this chair home.
- Go on.
Well, I can tell you, playing games is not one of the top things you do with your phones, but people have developed various injuries from continuously playing games on their mobile phones.
You can get tech-neck, smartphone finger and red-raw porn penis.
LAUGHTER OK, fingers on buzzers, one more thing still to get.
What do you think? Using the camera, photos and selfies and stuff like that? Yeah, I mean, that's a huge thing.
Have you taken many selfies? I don't take that many selfies, really, I don't really like my face.
- Why not? - Everyone else loves it, mate.
The joyful thing about your face is you never look like you're in a mood.
That's what annoys me about when you see really fit models, right? And they're really attractive.
They've always got the hump.
Do you know what I mean? They're always sitting there with the hump.
I'm happy sitting here with a body like a bag of mashed potatoes.
It's like the supermodels.
When you see an advert for, like, I don't know, Chanel or whatever it is, or I think we have different targeted ads.
Mine are more Harvester and Lidl.
A happy mum on the back of the school run.
Come on, kids! There is a happy mum in those, but the models in the kind of high fashion ones are always like.
I tell you what I love on the cameras, on the phones, the great thing is the technology.
I enjoy the face swap.
The face swap technology is not fussy about what faces it swaps.
Take a look at this.
That's the best thing I've ever seen.
And that's permanent.
People get a little bit obsessed by their cameras and they get distracted.
Have a look at this sweet clip of a mother wishing happy birthday to her daughter's friend.
# Happy birthday to you # Happy birthday to you # Happy birthday, dear Margaret # Happy birthday to you # And many more Jazz hands.
Love you.
Hope you have an awesome day.
CRASH! Oh, my God, somebody just hit me, I got in a car wreck.
Call you back.
APPLAUSE - She says in that, "Oh, someone hit me.
" - Yeah, yeah, right.
It was probably their fault, wasn't it? Imagine using that as your excuse.
I'm really sorry, I was jazz hands.
How did it happen? We take photos all the time.
Like, my mum's got about 15 photos of me.
Right, but now, like, on your mobile phone, I've got about 20 of a pigeon I saw on a slide the other day.
LAUGHTER Rylan, do you take a lot of photos? What have you got of me? We've got a selection of dick pics.
I thought that the injunction stopped that.
How can you send a dick pic? I mean, I struggle getting a good angle of my face, never mind that sad little albino slug I've got down there.
- Take it from the top.
- Best angle? I don't know if that is the best angle, but that's what they did.
- Flaccid or hard? - Usually soft.
- Usually soft? Maybe my guys just like me more.
LAUGHTER The dick pic thing is really weird.
I had this row with a guy, and you might agree with this, cos he was saying it's cos men are aroused more quickly by something visual where sometimes women take longer.
His evidence for that was that women don't open their eyes when you go down on them.
And, obviously, I can't answer for all women I can't answer that either.
I just have to say this.
If you're going down on a woman and her eyes are closed, that is not because we are not visual, it's because of what it looks like from where we are.
What it looks like is the scene in Titanic.
Where Kate Winslet is on a door and Leonardo DiCaprio is bobbing around, is bobbing around, is bobbing around, and he's freezing to death.
So, yes, we keep her eyes closed because it's too sad.
It is tough in the winter, though.
- That job is tough in the winter.
- What? If you haven't got the heating on and you're out of the covers down there, it's an absolute Oh, yeah, yeah.
Draughty up the arse, isn't it? It's a nightmare.
You're trying to pull it back down and she's going, "I'm freezing!" OK, let's have a look and see if cameras are up there? Yes indeed, it is using the camera.
APPLAUSE Personally, I have never sent a dick pic.
I do things the old-fashioned way.
I send ladies a brass rubbing of my junk.
A survey has found more than one third of Brits have taken a selfie at a funeral.
I had to take a few.
Nana had her eyes closed.
LAUGHTER So those were the top three things people use their mobile phone for.
But, of course, other uses are booking taxies.
Uber plan to launch flying taxis by 2023.
Exciting times.
Imagine being trapped inside a metal box in the sky with a potential sex offender.
LAUGHTER Dating apps are all well and good, but there is an issue.
Some men create false identities online and that can be very dangerous for vulnerable 18-year-old cheerleaders like me.
LAUGHTER I don't want to make a big deal about it but I recently completed Grindr.
The big boss at the end was really hard.
LAUGHTER So at the end of that round, Rob, Oti and Russell have three points, Sara, Rylan and Maisie have two points.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Time now for a bonus round, so Rob, Sara, join me in the middle, we are going to play, Hey, Who Is On The Phone? APPLAUSE OK, we're going to play Hey, Who Is On The Phone? Can we have some dramatic lighting, please? Oh, yeah.
Sara, if you dial the last number on this phone, you may or may not connect with former Heavyweight World Champion, David Haye.
Rob, you've just got to guess if David Haye is on the phone or if she is bluffing.
- Oh, OK.
- Sara, dial the last number on this phone.
- We know each other quite well.
- I'm going to get you to turn round.
- So you can't see each other.
- So you are just going to listen to me? - How do I? - How do you use a phone? - Yeah, yeah.
- Got it.
- You press the button.
- Is he just going to listen to me, is he? - Yes.
He's not going to see my face.
You can see my face.
- No, he is looking away.
- I can't see anything.
- He can't see anything.
- Do you know anything about boxing? Rob, you're allowed to ask questions.
Are you speaking to David Haye? That's a great first question, though.
Hello, David Haye, the boxer, how are you? Oh, oh, you first.
Fine, thank you.
- Where is he? Ask him where he is.
- Oh, where are you? He's in a hotel in London.
- OK.
- So what's your favourite thing about being a boxer? He likes to hurt people.
LAUGHTER Rob's going to ask you another question Another question.
- Who did he beat to win the World Heavyweight title? - Shit.
Tell me what the question is.
Who did you beat? To be the Heavyweight Champion of the world? To be the Heavyweight Champion of the world? Oh, it's a nice memory, is it? OK.
Right, it's a Russian guy, you know that much.
Do you know it? Sara, Sara The biggest heavyweight ever in the history of boxing and you beat him? Congratulations.
It's a bit odd you haven't remembered his name, David.
In fairness, he has taken a lot of blows to the head.
- And was it a long match? - Long match? Do you call them matches or games? They are fights, normally.
THEY LAUGH - Oh, dear.
- OK.
- Sara really knows her boxing.
She could be bluffing.
How tall is David? Ask how tall David is.
Ask how tall How tall is David Haye? I mean, how tall are you? Definitely over six foot.
Definitely over six foot.
OK, so, Rob, I would like to know, if you think David Haye is on the phone or not.
- Well, I think everything Sara said was wrong.
- What?! But I think she may be bluffing me, and I think she is talking to David Haye and pretending not to know the answers.
So I think David Haye is on the phone.
You think David Haye is on the phone? OK.
Let's see if David Haye is on the phone.
- Turn round.
To reveal - It's David Haye! APPLAUSE Some excellent acting skills, but Rob gets the point.
A round of applause for both of them and David Haye.
Thank you very much, David Haye.
Wave goodbye, David.
I'll leave this on if you want to watch the rest.
Yeah, go on, do it, let's see what's going on.
I'm enjoying it so far.
Can you hold this so he can watch the rest of the show? LAUGHTER Hold it up so he can watch.
APPLAUSE APPLAUSE Welcome back to 8 Out Of 10 Cats.
Our next round is Pick of the Polls.
Rob, Russell, Oti, what do you like the look of? Erm, we'll pick Oti.
Oh, God.
You've gone with Oti, OK.
Most people wish their partner was a better dancer - true or false? True.
I mean, I work on a show and we get celebrities to dance better so I assume if you had to sleep with them at night You don't HAVE to, but you do.
LAUGHTER No! No! Shot fired! Shot fired! I meant if you're with them or you're married to them you'd prefer them to dance better.
If you're with them or if you're married to them, sometimes you get confused, don't you? Oti, though, if you went out with a guy who wasn't a dancer, have you found that men are very intimidated by you? - Erm.
- As you paso doble across to them? LAUGHTER With a cape.
- How long have you been with your husband? - Seven years.
- Seven years.
And before that, were you always dating dancers? No, I never dated dancers before that.
- What was the last job the guy had? - He was an IT technician.
And did that turn you on and then turn you off again? LAUGHTER I don't want my wife to be a better dancer, but even if I did, I wouldn't tell her.
Could you imagine that? Getting home from work and getting the kids to bed, doing a bit of dinner and going, "You're such a wonderful woman and great mum, but your dancing" HE RETCHES At the moment "Just work on that, please.
" I'm going to sound sexist now, but I think women in general are much better dancers than men.
I've realised it because my sister's hen do, going to see male strippers is so different to going to see female strippers because it's hysterical.
My sister accidentally head-butted one.
He lay her down on the floor so that he could grind on her and she thought, "Oh, no, this isn't for me" and tried to stand up and she got him, yeah.
And also Annie reckons she got a pubic lice in her eye from all that sweating and gyrating.
Yeah, but that's so Annie.
It's Annie.
- My personal trainer used to be a stripper - Yeah.
and he has some incredible stories from back in the day, one of which includes he got home and the next morning woke up and went, "I feel like there's something down there" and it was and enormous fingernail in his ball sack.
LAUGHTER Sara, you're missing a nail.
Are you a good dancer, Sara? No.
I'm like a conga at a wedding.
If there were badges, I've got that one and even that I'm not very good at.
There's so many things to think about in terms of, you don't want to lead it - too much pressure.
And also you don't want to split off into a smaller conga.
That's what I thought about Theresa May's dancing, actually.
She did look like someone who thought she was going to be followed by a line of people all doing it together.
A metaphor for Brexit.
No-one's fucking joining in.
LAUGHTER Rylan, are you a good dancer? I wouldn't say I'm good.
After a couple of drinks I'll have a go, yeah.
We've got a clip of you dancing.
Here you are with Britney Spears on stage at the O2.
Take a look at these incredible scenes.
APPLAUSE You and Britney.
You were at the O2 in London, Britney's on stage - and you got up with Britney? - Yeah, she asked me to get up.
She does this part of the tour where she puts someone on a lead and spanks them and whips them.
I was like, "Yeah, fuck it.
" LAUGHTER Do you wish your partner was a better dancer? Russell, are you a good dancer? I did dress up once as Beyonce on television and learnt the whole of Crazy In Love and I was single at the time and that was the most female attention I ever had from anything I did on TV was when I dressed as a woman and danced.
I went out with this one girl, a few times obviously, didn't sleep with her straight away LAUGHTER It was getting right to that vital moment and all the clothes came off and, honestly, she stopped and said, "Can you just do something for me?" She said, "Can you do the Beyonce dance?" right at the vital moment.
- When you're in your pants.
- Did she put a ring on it? LAUGHTER I think it's a generational thing, as well, how good a dancer you are.
My mum's a decent dancer because she was a punk in the '70s.
She was rebellious in her youth.
My generation, I think unless the song tells us move by move what to do, we don't know.
I only know if it's DJ Casper and he tells me to slide to the left.
To take it back now, y'all.
That's all.
Without that I can't do it.
So most of us, we're not going to dance professionally, but we're going to dance at weddings and social functions.
What tips could you give us for dancing? I reckon Oh, sorry, you.
LAUGHTER Why don't we all get up? Come on.
Everyone out the front.
- Oti, you're going to give us some tips.
- Let's do it.
I'm an incredible dancer.
Well, I'm a remarkable dancer.
So dancing at a wedding.
Super simple.
- I need a pint of lager.
- Yeah, that's it.
- Like that.
So what have you got for us? So you go side, cross, side, clap.
OK, I think I can do that.
- So side, cross, side, clap.
- Again.
Side, cross Jesus, no.
I can't do it that way.
I can't do it to the left.
Then bum roll.
Yes, Jimmy.
Yes, boys.
Yes! LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE We need some more moves.
So easy, you just go Destiny's Child.
I feel like having an affair.
There is a chance, Oti, you're going to get pregnant during this bit.
LAUGHTER OK, let's have some music and we'll see if we can put this into practice.
MUSIC: Dancing Queen by ABBA.
Five, six, seven, here we go.
Side, cross, side, clap.
Now circle, circle, circle.
- Hang on, I got confused.
- Ready? Here we go.
Cross, tap, cross, tap.
I'm loving this.
Look at that.
He's loving it.
Head to the circle.
Hey, go, girls! Go, girls! Oti, everyone.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Russell was the star there.
Let's get some answers on this.
Most people wish their partner was a better dancer.
- What are you going to say - true or false, Rob? - We think yes.
- You think yes, you think true.
- False.
- You think false? - Yeah.
Well, I can tell you the answer is false.
Only 41% of people wish their partner was a better dancer.
APPLAUSE My girlfriend dances like she makes love - with other people.
LAUGHTER I have two left feet.
I keep them in my special freezer in the basement.
I like that one.
I'm sorry, I just find like the basement thing funny.
So, at the end of that round, it's three points for Rob's team and three points for Sara's team.
All to play for.
See you after the break.
APPLAUSE Welcome back to 8 Out Of 10 Cats.
And The Winner Is is the name of our final round.
Here's your first one Is it gym selfies? They're the wor They're when people go to the gym and take a photo in the mirror of the gym and it's always with a proper, like, dickhead pose, it's like It's only people who would shag their own reflection if they could that take them.
It's not nice.
It's always the same people as well, these particular breed of men, - they grunt - Oh, yeah.
- .
which no-one should do in public.
If you can't do it quietly, do it in the garden.
That is my rule on sex.
- "I'm sorry, love, but we're taking this outside.
" - Yeah.
Rylan, do you go to the gym a lot? Only for, like, a latte.
I actually think the worst thing in gyms is nudity in the changing rooms.
Oh, fuck, I might go! Last time I went to a gym, there was a woman who was using a hairdryer to dry her pubic hair, so another woman That's a lovely treat, though, isn't it, at home? Oh, that's a lovely treat! Not with a Dyson, it'd take your clit off! Rylan, for the last time, you do not have a clit.
The other woman that was there was having to use a hand-dryer to do her head hair, so she was naked and bent down on all fours.
- It's a public place.
- What do you think? Worst thing? Well, this is a bit more particular to me, but I've had to change the day I go to the gym.
I used to go at the same day at the same time and I'd go to the steam room after, but every time I went in there, there was this 95-year-old bloke sitting in there, like, so old, and I thought, I'm going to find him dead in there at some point.
- It's a horrible thing.
- You're a real humanitarian, yeah.
"I'll just change the day, that's the easiest thing.
" I'll just change the day! Let someone else find him.
Russell, you look as if you keep yourself in pretty good shape.
I come from the same neck of the woods as Rylan.
- An Essex gym is a frickin' nightmare.
- Oh, yeah.
It's full of men I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, ladies, but I'm not sure there's that many women who actually want men that look like the men that are filling these gyms.
I've spoke to these guys, I'm, like, "Are you sure that's what a woman?" "Yeah, that is what a woman wants - 16st, 3% body fat, back acne, "needle holes on the thighs, tiny penis, suspicious temper.
"It's what a woman's looking for.
Trust me.
" LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Ladies! Oti, do you ever go to the gym? Yeah, I do go to the gym, but I get annoyed when For me, it's the women that get there, do their make-up, take a selfie.
They're just there for coffee.
Do you want to maybe Do you want to throw down? No, no, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good.
I think she could take me, so no.
The only time I did a tricep extension at a gym, you know - the one where you go across the bench and you're doing that? - Yeah.
I didn't know, but my balls had poked out of my shorts.
Someone was filming it and every time I extended the tricep, the balls expanded like those trolls you used to squeeze on holiday, with the eyes.
OK, so worst things about the gym, let's get some proper answers.
- What do you think? - Smells like crotch.
That's what I like about it.
The money, the joining fee? I'll give you that, that is close enough.
It is paying, but not going to the gym.
Yes, the worst thing about the gym is paying, but not going.
Paying for the gym but not using the gym is a massive waste, just like the massive waist around the middle of people who pay for the gym but don't go.
Oh, there's loads, innit? Radiators.
Talking to your father-in-law about motorways.
Reading to my kids does my nut in.
Yeah, I'll back you on that.
When Mina was little, I used to read the whole story, like, "Goldilocks comes in" and now I'm, like, "Yeah, Goldilocks, bears, like, wankers.
The end.
" What do you think, Sara? The most annoying thing about being a grown-up.
Well, you just get fatter and older.
And the thing is Don't have a go at me, Sara! I mean, I'm trying to host the show here! It's no good for my self-esteem.
You when you're a teenager and you think you couldn't possibly hate yourself any more, and then you just get fatter and older from there and you keep looking back at old photos cos now they're all there on the Facebook, going, "I was fine.
"Why was I so miserable? I'm so much fatter and older now.
" When will it stop? With death.
Night, everyone! You find a way to - BUZZER - Oh, sorry.
That's right, Maisie, she needs to be stopped! Is it that you don't use a parachute nearly as much as you thought - you were going to from school? - Yeah.
Cos if you're furiously, like, wafting a parachute when you're grown up, it means you're about to die, but back then it just meant that the teacher had forgotten the lesson plan.
- You did this at school? - Yeah! - Yeah! - Is that a thing? Yeah, you'd come into the gym and they'd go, "Grab a bit of the parachute," and you go - You all hold the parachute and just have a flap about.
- Yeah.
And then there was a game where one kid would get under and one kid would get on, it was called cat and mouse, and the kid on top just had to find the kid under, just by whacking bits of air until eventually it was, like .
"Got you, Neil.
" Most annoying thing about being a grown-up.
What do you think, Sara? What annoys you? I think one of the difficult things is that by the time you've got the money to do something, you don't want to do it any more.
Like, by the time you could afford to go to V Festival, you shouldn't be there.
- You're too old.
- Oti, what do you think? What's the most annoying thing about being a grown-up? - Er, paying taxes.
it's literally kind of what she said.
Once you're able to afford stuff, you get a letter in the post that says, "No! Half of your money" A letter in the post? I had a knock on the fucking door! - Russell, what do you think? - The loss of romance as you get older.
This is when you know that romance is dead, when your partner farts in the kitchen and you think they're speaking to you.
"What was that? Did you say you love me?" Rylan, most disappointing thing about being a grown-up.
Erm, I think, especially as a man, it's, like, when you look at yourself in the mirror, like, after you've got out the shower and you start to realise that your willy is now higher than your balls.
Do you know what I mean? Your balls are now longer than your dick? My balls are lower than my penis.
I'm very lucky, cos I've got tiny balls.
It's the wrong time to look cos the heat of the bath makes your testicles get further away from your body, so that's the worst time to look.
If you're colder, your balls will be closer, because they need to be a different I'm all right, I'm all right! LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE So is it best to look at your balls when you're opening the fridge? Good light and it's cold.
OK, let's get some answers.
That realisation that there is not an X Factor spot, like, "If you just want it enough, "if only you dream about it enough, it'll come true.
" - There's no X Factor spot in life.
- Well You couldn't have got that any more wrong with present company.
"You're not going to go on some reality TV show and make it, "other than" OK, most disappointing thing about growing up.
- I think you almost got it with taxes.
- Did I? - Almost.
- Oh - Related.
- Paying bills? - That's exactly the right answer.
Of course, these days, a lot of young people save on bills by getting the gas and electric from the same provider.
Their mum.
Also on the list is going grey.
I like to think of myself as a bit of a silver fox, because my hair is going grey and I shriek like a banshee when I'm fuckin'.
BUZZER Well, that sound tells me it's the end of the round and the end of the show, which means the final scores are It's a dead heat.
Everyone's a winner.
Thanks to all our panellists, our wonderful studio audience and to all of you for watching at home.
That's it from us.