Adventure Beast (2021) s01e06 Episode Script

Trust No One

1 I just don't understand where all those logs came from.
You're safe now, little loris.
Ow! Sorry about the logs! Well, this sucks.
Am I the only one who made it out alive? Uncle Bradley! I'm here, Bonnie.
We're all good.
Uh, your nose looks like a half-chewed blood sausage.
I got bitten by the loris.
You wouldn't think a tiny primate would be venomous, but looks can be deceiving.
Where's Dietrich? After the boat was crushed, I saw him being tossed around the rapids like a sack of chicken heads.
Let's assume he's dead.
It's just easier that way.
What? Yellow-throated marten! Aw, he's such a cutie! Uh-uh.
Don't be fooled by his adorable whiskers.
Martens are vicious predators.
They'll kill monkeys, deer, they'll even disembowel a giant panda.
Come on! Look at that wiggly wittle nose! You wouldn't hurt anybody, would you, little sweetie? - Uncle B! - Aah! Ow! - Take that! - Not helping! - Hah! - This feels wrong.
Martens usually hunt in pairs.
Holy crap! What is happening? Agh! It can't be.
Daniel? What? Is that the great Bradley Trevor Greive I see bleeding out from a completely avoidable marten bite? I hardly recognized you in your cute little costume.
They're not costumes, they're zoological proximity disguises, and this technique has been used by Greive zoologists for generations.
I'm kidding, big fella! Ha-ha! Oh, it's good to see you again.
- What's that thing? - Oh, this? Just a little something I cooked up back in my lab to scare off wild animals.
I call it a Sonic Grenade.
Whoa! Cool tech.
Those gizmos have no place in nature.
Who knows what kind of damage they could do to an animal's auditory cortex? Aah! - Dietrich's not dead! - Give it time.
Danny Wilde, I presume? Presumably.
Danny Wilde? Oh, you didn't know? I go by Danny Wilde now.
I'm kind of a big deal.
Over three and a half million followers, several late-night TV appearances, and a line of clothing I call Wilde Wear.
Oh my God! Oh my God! My mom and I used to watch your show while we were taking our bath.
It's such a pleasant surprise! Yes, it is, friend.
Danny Wilde out in Prey-desh in search of a Bengal tiger.
Mmm, it's Pradesh.
Be cool.
 Be cool.
Would you autograph my birthmark? 'Cause it looks like your cool logo.
Mmm, that would be disgusting, and I'd hate that.
So, uh, what brings a bookish bruiser like you to Tiger Country? We're looking to tag a gnu goat, aka the takin, but we got side Goats? Wow.
How do your readers endure the tension and suspense? The gnu goat is the most hyper-aggressive heavyweight in the Himalayas! He's not just a goat.
He's goat-zilla! King of the mountain! I'd argue the Bengal tiger is king of the mountain, but I understand.
You always did have a soft spot for the, uh… How can I say this? …More underrepresented animals of the world.
Well, it was a fun surprise running into you, Daniel.
Like stepping on a rusty nail in the shower.
Alas, we must be going.
Hey, if you ever feel like brunch, I make a killer frittata.
Those stupid widgets.
I mean, who wears a sleeveless puffer jacket in the jungle? He's 50 years old, and he looks like he's auditioning for a boy band.
Pfft! Uncle B, are you jealous? What? No! Maybe.
His videos are so cool! He tracks all sorts of animals, and the best part is he never gets hurt.
Ah! He's got millions and millions of fans.
Do you think that many people will read your book about goats? It's not just about goats! It's about all my expeditions and everything I've learned.
Yes, there's a sizable goat section, four or five chapters, but that's a normal amount.
He did have some pretty cool gear.
Maybe it's time we upgraded some of our stuff.
I've been holding off on showing you this, but I bought a remote monitoring device.
We don't need shiny gizmos, tech toys, and fancy equipment.
We should go find Danny Wilde.
- He has a super cool robot medic.
- No! He's not to be trusted.
I knew him back when he was a real zoologist.
Got another one.
The Irukandji jellyfish numbers are above average.
- They'll have to shut down the beaches.
- For a tiny speck of snot? This speck of snot has more than enough venom to kill both of us.
I've always liked you, BTG.
You're a really, um, special guy.
It's time to go our separate ways.
What? What… What are you saying, buddy? I'm saying I like you and I like critters, but zoological grunt work is not for me.
I want something bigger and brighter.
I want to be… Oh, here they are.
Here's some keepsakes.
What? But we still have to count all the fish species in proximity to the Irukandji.
Don't worry, big guy.
I put together this little time-saver.
I call it the Electro Fish Bomb.
No! Voilà! Once your muscles stop spasming, you can count all the fish in the sea.
Easy as pie.
You're welcome.
 Now, if you don't mind… Ow! I just need to cauterize the wound.
Excuse me.
Bonnie, stick the fire in my neck hole.
Really? There's got to be a better way to do this! Yeah, maybe we should ask the wise owl what to do.
Owl skulls contain huge eyeballs but teeny, tiny brains.
So, while everyone thinks owls are wise, they're actually idiots.
- Burn the neck hole, Bonnie.
- All right, fine.
I'm doing it! No! Let it burn! Let the fire course through my flesh! Huh? Whoa, Uncle B, relax.
Where are we? Okay, don't get mad, but Oh, don't you dare say Danny Wilde's medical tent.
Uh, okay.
You're dead, I'm a fallen angel, this is what Hell looks like.
Bonnie, listen to me, if my only choice is certain death or asking for Danny Wilde's help, I choose death! - No, you don't.
- Death, I say! I don't get it! That medical robot fixed your neck.
Being a zoologist doesn't mean constantly suffering.
Yes, it does! Ugh! Someone needs a gratitude upgrade, am I right? Is that morphine? What the hell is all this mess? What happened to all the trees? Another terrifying predator out here in the Prey-desh.
The rivers are teeming with vicious crocodiles, making my hunt for the Bengal tiger even more impressive.
Just look at that leathery bulk and savage teeth.
What lies are you telling your audience now? Ah! Beefy Turd Greive.
I see you're back from the dead.
That's a gharial, a fish-eating crocodile.
They aren't dangerous to humans, and you're hurting that baby with your fake bravado.
They have narrow, weak, flimsy jaws, like yourself, and if people fear them, they'll be hunted to extinction.
Give me a break.
Look at this thing.
It's a vicious, disgusting monster! Lots of animals look dangerous or disgusting, but they're not.
The Goliath bird-eating spider is the world's largest spider.
It's the size of a dinner plate, but its venom is only roughly as potent as a bee sting.
Oh yeah, that's the spot.
Can you do my shoulders next? A massive five-ton basking shark looks like it could rip you to shreds, but inside its mouth are teeny, tiny teeth that could barely scrape the frosting off a cupcake.
Nor would it want to! It just passively glides through the sea eating zooplankton.
It's basically the world's largest pool cleaner.
And that juvenile gharial couldn't bite through a French dip sandwich, so it's no threat to anyone.
You really are out of touch, old friend.
How do you expect me to get views with facts like that? What's next, huh? You want me to interview that deflated turtle? Well, actually, that's an Indian softshell turtle, and they eat human flesh, so… What? Come on, Dietrich.
We've got a goat to track.
Fine, BTG.
You may not agree with my methods, but you at least have to admit that my influencer status is the best way to inspire more people to get excited about conservation.
Bonnie, we're leaving! What? I definitely wasn't reprogramming the medical robot to inject me with experimental drugs.
Just stay a while.
I can show you how it's done.
I can even help you promote your goat bo-o-ok.
It's not just about goats.
Soon, millions of people will care about goats again, and in the meantime, you can enjoy my wonderful facility.
No, thank you.
- We'll do it.
- What? Come on! We can spend one day with Danny Wilde.
Yeah! I'm hungry, dirty and scared.
Let's spend 24 hours not being those things.
It'll be fun! No.
I'll do it my way.
There's nothing wild about Danny Wilde.
All these crappy home comforts.
I've never seen anyone pack so heavy.
His last name's not even Wilde, it's Finnerman.
Everything about him is fake.
My whiskered gods! Daniel! Ah, Bradley, you've finally come to your senses.
You had a Bengal tiger flown in, and it's wearing a shock collar? Are you insane? Did you see all the trees he cut down to clear a site for his stupid gear? That's probably what happened to the loris! This isn't conservation, it's destruction! You know what? I don't need to sit here while you lecture me on conservation.
You're pathetic, scrambling around the woods with your goofy costumes, bare-knuckled boxing bears and bleeding all over the place.
I'll do more for animals on this single trip than you'll do in your entire life.
So, just get the hell out of here, all of you.
Agh! - Let's go.
- Just five more minutes.
My fascia is finally unclutching.
By the way, your logo looks like a burning turd.
Having discovered an illegally captured Bengal tiger, it was our zoological duty to embark on a midnight rescue mission.
We've got to disable that security robot.
On it.
Hey, no.
Scat! Dietrich, stop bumping uglies with that eagle-owl and shut it! Wow, it looked right at us.
These suits really do work.
They worked for my mom, my granddad, and for generations before them.
Bonnie, once I disable the perimeter, you unlock the cage door.
- On it.
- Dietrich, stay on lookout.
And if I hear or see something that I deem suspicious, I will alert you with a call of alarm.
Uh, yes, like a lookout.
Hmm, mmm.
Go time.
Alert! Shadow man! It's Danny! Maybe, maybe not.
Asian black bears can walk on their hind legs for up to a quarter of a mile.
- You wouldn't expect a - What's going on over there? Nope, that's Daniel.
He's awake, and he probably has a gun.
Is that you making all that noise? Uh-uh-uh.
You don't want a taste of the shocker.
Stupid animal.
What the Time for the nuclear option.
No, don't eat me! I'll lose my sponsors! Oh, great.
Yes, you've got this, BTG.
Sacrifice yourself for the greater good! I've got your back! All right, then.
Ha! I still got it! Gnu goats! I don't still got it.
Tag a goat while you're down there, Uncle B! Help! I'm trapped in a cage of my own creation! They really are goat-zillas! I'm never getting out of this tree.
King of the mountain.
Uncle B, are you okay? Ugh! All good.
Agh! Okay, fine.
Fetch the damn robot.
Yes! After it sews up BTG's neck-gusher, can it laser off my turd-mountain birthmark? Ugh! Maybe.
Okay, we fix my neck, de-blemish Dietrich's butt, and then we rescue Daniel, for old times' sake.
Ugh! Fine.
But I'm keeping the robot.
Okay, so I'm testing for the strongest animals in the compound… - I like it.
- …and I definitely think it's Blossom.
Look at her! She's like 600 pounds of pure muscle! Maybe so, but she's still not the strongest animal in this room.
There is no animal on the planet with a higher muscle to skeletal ratio than a python.
Here, take this.
- Okay? - Yeah.
This is python strength, okay? All right? So, pythons, they slowly encircle you, and they start the slow squeeze.
They break all the bones, and they actually stop the blood flowing in your body.
I'm gonna fall down now.
Ah! Okay.
This is where the python shows her true strength.
And she has a matrix of muscles that overlap, each reinforcing the squeeze from the other, until the… the countless tiny muscles act as one gargantuan muscle.
So, you can get out of this, right? In time.

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