Adventure Time with Finn & Jake s09e16 Episode Script

Always BMO Closing

1 [MUNCHING] - [SLURPS] - Huh? I was just sipping my coffee.
Oh.
[MUNCHING] [SLURPS] [BOTH CONTINUE SLURPING AND MUNCHING RHYTHMICALLY] [BOTH LAUGH] [BMO LAUGHS] I am also excited about today.
Oh, yeah? Today is the first day of my new job.
What's your new job, BMO? Yeah, are you a spy? You know, 'cause of the overcoat? I'm a door-to-door salesman.
- Oh.
- Oh.
What are you selling? I've got so many great things.
Like for the man about town, this piece of lint.
I'll take it.
Hooray! My first sale! That'll be four doubloons.
Can I pay you later? Mm, the customer is always right! Good attitude, BMO.
Well, gentlemen got to chop that wood.
[WHISPERING] It's Ice King.
[WHISPERING] I know.
Oh! Okay, wish me luck, fellas, even though I don't need - Aah! - Aah! - [THUD] - [BOTH GIGGLE] - Aw.
- Aw.
ICE KING: Boy, this is great, huh? You and me out in the fresh air? Now, the key to being a tip-top salesman is to get the ol' foot in the door.
Bodies don't talk, Ice King.
Well, mine does.
Okay, then.
If I say "My feet hurt," you can go "Woof woof.
" That's my dogs barking.
BMO, I think we're gonna make an unbeatable team.
Yeah, yeah! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! [LAUGHS] TREE TRUNKS: "Chapter 3 No Time For Sleeping.
Elizabeth's heart was racing like a water mill after spring thaw.
She knew her enemies were coming for her, but when? Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.
" - [KNOCK ON DOOR] - Oh! TREE TRUNKS: Oh.
Oh, my goodness.
[GROANS] Someone's at the door.
That's all.
Hello.
Tree Trunks, how are your children? Can you believe this weather? So polite.
Please, please come in.
You have a lovely home.
Here, have some apple pie.
Oh, thank you.
Now, what can I do for you? Oh, well, I'd like to show you what I'm selling today.
[GRUNTS] Okay, we have a broken branch, a half-eaten sandwich Oh, another ball of lint.
Another? These are selling like red hots.
A dust bunny That's like a cage-free ball of lint.
A doll's head, and a little velvet bag, tied tight at the top.
I'll take the branch.
My loose cash is up there in the flower jar.
Help yourself.
ICE KING: Ohh! [JAR CLUNKS] [LAUGHS] [BOTH LAUGH] You have a lovely home.
- Aah! - Whoa! What'd you buy, honey bunch? A branch.
Huh.
Huh? Oh.
Ah, Tree Trunks, you're a financial genius.
[BMO LAUGHS] I can't believe we unloaded that branch.
It wasn't even our best one.
Oh, my.
Shield my eyes from the sun.
ICE KING: Why? Because I think I see our next customer.
Those nuts could be ours.
Excuse me, little boy! How are your children?! Ice King, duck.
Jump.
Right.
Right again.
[LAUGHS] Left.
Jump, jump.
Left.
Right.
Left.
Ice King, you're doing so good.
You have not bumped into anything.
BMO, where's the customer? Oh, no.
I was so excited about you not bumping into anything, I lost the customer.
Ice King, I think we are lost.
[ANIMAL HOWLS] Look.
- A house.
- All I see is the inside of this coat.
And stop.
Knock politely.
[FOOTSTEPS] [HINGES CREAK] Mysterious sentinel, you have a lovely home.
[WHISPERING] Turn.
[NORMAL VOICE] How are your children? [GASPS] Hello.
I'm a door-to-door salesman, ma'am.
[ICE KING COUGHS] [CHUCKLING] Oh, excuse my indigestion.
Ouch! I have some wonderful new products, like, uh, this ball of lint.
No, wait, this is the dust bunny.
Uh Oh, oh! I know this velvet bag.
Did I mention that it contains Finn's teeth? [AX CLATTERS] Please, let's go in the parlor, where we can be more comfortable.
And you're sure these are Finn's teeth? - Yes.
- The same Finn who serves Princess Bubblegum, obstructs my plans, and plagues my thoughts? Yes.
Finn the human's teeth.
That's a BMO guarantee.
ICE KING: [WHISPERING] Psst! Does Finn know you have his teeth? Because I don't think [WHISPERING] Hey! I'm trying to close a sale here.
I hope you accept silver.
I can pay you immediately.
Yes, my pretties.
Poor, little guy.
Still wearing out the shoe leather trying to make just one more lousy sale before coming home.
He'll feel better after we have a little party for him.
Still, it's tough seeing your kid get his heart set on doing something he really sucks at.
[DOOR OPENS] Hello, boys.
Meet the salesman of the year.
Or maybe of the decade.
The Chinese food is on me.
I mean, check out the loot.
[WHISPERING] It's real.
What the heck did you sell to get this silver goblet? Just a line of smooth talk and pipe dreams.
Oh, and a set of human baby teeth.
Where did you even get a set of human baby teeth? Human baby teeth!! BMO! Branches and lint are moving like cray, Jake.
Oh, sure, I sold your baby teeth.
I could sell any part of you.
These were, like, the only things I had left from when I was a little kid.
Hey, you know what? We'll just go buy back those little pearly whites.
I'm sure whoever bought them is like, "Why did I buy these things?" What possible use could some guy have for a set of human baby teeth? Unless he's an evil sorcerer or a mad scientist.
He wasn't a mad scientist, was he? Well [POUNDING ON DOOR] [SHRIEKS] Stay back, baby Finns.
Aah! [BOTH SCREAM] [GROANS] [GRUNTS] They're made out of some kind of hard tooth-like material.
Ouch.
Ouch! Ice King, freeze these nightmare babies.
I'm not allowed to wear my crown.
It's against BMO's dress code.
Just don't let them climb into your mouth! [GROANING] Hey, there, bitey boys.
Get off of there.
[GROANING] Where's your baby manners? Eek.
Hmm.
Maybe I sold too well.
ICE KING: Hey, you're a great salesman.
Evil babies are not a problem for you.
They're an opportunity.
Yeah.
Where did I put those Oh, here they are.
Gentlemen, could I interest you in a couple of sledgehammers? Perfect for smashing through minerals or composites.
- I'll take one.
- Me, too! Great decision.
[POOF!] A little tap is all it takes.
These baby-smashing hammers are great.
[WHACKING CONTINUES] I'm sorry I caused such a mess.
It's very bad for business.
Well, time to call it day.
The ice man leaveth.
Hey, wait.
See you tomorrow partner.
Until tomorrow.
Yeah, you're not doing this tomorrow.
[WHISTLING] Hmm.
In retrospect, the attack would have worked much better were they not baby teeth.