Alexa & Katie (2018) s02e05 Episode Script

PB Without J

1 [ALEXA] Katie was working her butt off for her London trip and I was busy with school and basketball, but we were still in constant communication.
Katie, you are the worst at costume ideas.
- We are not dressing as photosynthesis.
- [DOORBELL RINGS] [KATIE] Okay, okay, okay.
A cup and a saucer? Mmm no.
No, a coffee stirrer and a sugar dispenser.
Gotta go.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING] At last, the college applications are in! Caltech, UCLA, Berkeley.
- And I'm now all yours.
- Oh good! You've been obsessed.
But not as obsessed as your parents with Halloween! This place looks like a haunted house.
Or a Halloween store with a super nice kitchen.
[ALEXA SIGHS] Yeah, this is like their Christmas.
They like to spread the holiday fear.
[CHUCKLES] E-mail confirmation.
Stanford got my application! Hmm.
Sounds like you really got your heart set on California.
Yeah, guess I do.
Maybe I'll take up surfing.
[CHUCKLES] This guy knows what I'm talking about.
[DYLAN SIGHS] Uh, tell Katie I say hi.
Sorry, we're figuring out our combo costumes for Hannah's Halloween party.
Oh, really? Because I thought we could do a couples costume this year.
You know, 'cause we're a couple.
[CHUCKLES] I was thinking something crazy like, uh Issac Newton and an apple.
[LAUGHS] That's hilarious! But you're not joking, so let me say, you'd be the cutest Isaac Newton ever.
Well, I kinda saw me as the apple.
I'm sorry.
Katie and I've been doing costumes together forever.
Man you two have been, uh, more inseparable than ever lately.
No we haven't! Plus, you've been busy with your college applications.
I just mean, we haven't had a lot of you and me time.
We went on a dinner date last week.
With Katie.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING] Okay, the nachos platter is way too big for two.
But I am going to your Mathlete competition tomorrow night.
It's a big one.
We're up against the state champs.
The Alge Bros.
I wouldn't miss it.
Hey! You guys want a snack? I'm going to cut up a pear.
Mom, you can't just dangle the word "snack" and then cut up a fruit.
That's a bait and switch.
Yeah! I cut my finger! [CHUCKLES] Woo! Yeah, well, that's really coming out.
- Oh! - That that thing is really, I mean That's a lot of [GAGS] I think I'm gonna be sick.
- [ALL SCREAM] - [GUY GROWLS] Ahh! Haha! - Oh, the looks on your faces! - [LORI] Oh! I think we took a year off of their lives and added it to ours.
- Good one, guys.
- Oh, yes! Yeah, that was [PANTS] That was really good.
Very enjoyable.
Babe! I'm loving your new fake blood recipe.
Gotta try that on ice cream.
You know, you're pretty handsome with that chainsaw.
Ah, you aren't so bad yourself, Little Miss Finger Slicer.
Okay, okay! You've scared us enough for one day.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING] I've got you When I can't take it any longer You make me feel stronger I've got you When I can't take it You make it so much better We'll do this together Oh-oh-oh-oh We'll do this together I've got you Oh-oh-oh We'll do this together [SIGHS] I am so excited about your Halloween party, Hannah! - Wait, who's going? - Everybody.
Usually Missy Haberman hosts it, but since Hannah dropped her at cheer practice, they'll all be at Hannah's.
Except for Missy.
This party could make or break us.
Don't screw it up.
Okie dokie, Reganokie! Oh, boy.
Here you go! They take forever to make, but I'm the master of the candy corn latte.
[CHUCKLES] Uh, yeah.
Barry says it'll come right off with some coarse sandpaper.
Oh, let's go shop for decorations.
We need this party to say "Who's Hannah's awesome friend?" I don't know.
Who? [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] So Dylan wanted me to do a costume with him.
He thinks you and I are more inseparable than ever.
Oh, that's sweet! No, in a bad way.
It's - Ridiculous.
I mean, it's not like - We're always together And finish each other's sentences.
[CHUCKLES] Well, he'll forget all about that when he sees us at the party.
[CHUCKLES] - Dressed as peanut butter and jelly.
- Yes! We're two halves of the greatest sandwich in history.
We are inseparable.
But also separable.
The halves can be pulled apart if needed.
Darn right they can.
Though I don't think anyone would want that.
They are better together.
Katie! Biffelsis.
Oh, look! Lucas is taking his Gwenny out for a walk.
The small talk portion is over.
I need one decaf non-fat machiatto with a splash of vanilla for me, and one not too hot, hot chocolate for the boy.
Burned my tongue last time.
I'm a gulper.
Aww! Her decaf is going to be all caf.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING] Taking a break.
You are in charge.
[KATIE CHUCKLES] Fastest promotion in the history of coffee.
Yeah, I am running things around here.
[CHUCKLES] Fifty large candy corn lattes.
- Uh, fifteen? - Fifty.
The rest will be here after they pull Janice out of the ravine.
It'll take me forever to make all those drinks.
Don't worry, Peanut Butter.
Jelly's got you! [CUSTOMERS CHATTERING] We have gloves? I'm sorry, Jack.
We don't say those things in this house.
I don't agree.
The Hulk is ten times bigger than Superman.
He'd totally win.
Dude! Superman's a zillion times faster than broccoli face.
Plus, he can fly, and he has a super-cool cape.
[KNOCK ON DOOR] That cape is key.
- The cape is useless - [SHOUTS] The cape is key! [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] - Weird.
- [KNOCK ON DOOR] Watch it! I have mace in here.
[KNOCK ON DOOR] I have had just about enough [SCREAMS] Ahh! [CLOWNS SCREAMING THEN LAUGHING] Oh! Did you see that face? Are you kidding me? I wanna see that face every time I see her face.
Thought I was gonna get my head chopped off.
Funny stuff.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] So you really didn't know it was us? No! I thought you were depraved maniacs.
- I'm certainly in the ballpark.
- [DAVE AND LORI CHUCKLE] Well, we're just happy to bring a smile to your face.
Yeah, and a little pee to my pants.
Uh, let's roll, Chapo.
We've got more neighbors to visit.
Oh, and that sweet little retired couple that just moved across the street.
- You think they can handle it? - We'll find out! [DAVE AND LORI GIGGLE] You know, every Halloween, those two scare the noodles out of us.
This year we're getting revenge! You with me, Jack? I used to like clowns.
This two-person unicorn is adorable! I'll be the head, you can be the butt.
That's the tenth costume you suggested.
And every time, I'm the butt.
Fine, what do you think our costumes should be? I don't know.
Something cool like a girl robot and a burrito.
This is why you'll never be the head.
[SIGHS] [KATIE] Thanks, bye.
- We did it! Up high! - Too tired.
- Down low.
- Yeah.
Okay, let's split these tips.
Uh, no, no, no.
You're saving for London.
I'm not taking no, no, no for an answer.
You earned it.
I get 33% of the tips, so we each get 50% of my percentage.
This sounds like a calculator situation.
Of course if Dylan were here, he could just do it in his head because he's such a math Mathletes! Dylan! [KATIE] Run! Oh, my God! Dylan.
How late am I? Very.
It's over.
Well, how did you do? We won.
We beat state champs.
That's great! [CHUCKLES] [SIGHS] I'm so sorry.
I got totally distracted helping Katie.
This huge group came into Wired Great.
I won tonight, but once again I come in second to Katie.
What? I had something important to me, Alexa, but you chose Katie.
So this is about Katie.
It's about you not being there.
It wasn't on purpose.
She's my best friend and she needed my help.
Well I'm your boyfriend, and these competitions are a big deal.
Mathletes is going to help me get into UCLA or Stanford.
I know, I know.
We wouldn't want anything getting in the way of you surfing in California.
What? Nothing.
I said I was sorry.
You were sorry, when you had to get off the phone because you had to tell Katie something.
You were sorry when I wanted to take you to the movies, but you had already seen them all with Katie.
So sorry? But I've had it with "I'm sorry.
" Well, then good news.
Because that was my last "I'm sorry.
" Alexa! [SIGHS] Hey, MVM! Most Valuable Mathlete.
Guys want to carry you off on our shoulders.
- [BOY] Okay, okay.
- [DYLAN] Yeah, yeah.
It's cool, dude.
We're just gonna clap a little.
Don't bother jumping out.
I know you're there.
[LORI] Such a party pooper! It's not a total loss.
Lucas will be home any minute.
[GASPS] Yes, that's right, he's our easy screamer! Should we squirt more blood on everything? You know the answer to that question is always yes! Here he comes! I'm the butt, you're the butt.
Ugh! Stupid couples costumes! - [CLOWNS SCREAM] - [SHOUTS] Aah! I'm too pretty to die! [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] [LORI CACKLES] You guys said you weren't doing that this year.
- We lied because it's fun! - [BOTH LAUGH] You guys really enjoy Halloween together.
Maybe getting along is more important than being a burrito.
Well, that was fun till he got all talky.
[SOFT RATTLE] Hey, I, uh, found your basketball hoop in the tree.
So, I'm guessing things didn't go well with Dylan.
We had a big fight.
Aw! He was mad that I missed his Mathlete thing because I was with you.
- Oh, no.
- But he's being totally unreasonable.
He's so desperate to go to California.
Why do I care what he thinks? Look, you two just need to talk this out.
Don't wanna talk to him.
[HUFFS] But he's right.
Okay? If you hadn't stayed to help me, this wouldn't have happened.
- This is my fault.
- It's not your fault.
Tell me you get it.
It's not your fault.
Yeah, I totally get it.
[CHUCKLES] Of course I get it.
Why wouldn't I get it? [LAUGHS] Hmm.
I gotta go.
Oh, there you are.
Not in the mood, Katie.
Uh, of course.
[SIGHS] Saw your selfie on Instagram.
"Coffee for one.
" Whatever you're trying to do don't.
You and Alexa belong together.
You two just need to talk.
It's too soon.
I'm still frustrated.
Okay, okay.
Then how about at the Halloween party tomorrow night? - I don't know.
- It's perfect.
Okay? You'll be at a party.
Everyone's in a good mood.
And before you know it you'll be like, "What Mathlete competition?" It was a super important competition.
I'm just saying, I'd hate to see a stupid fight keep you two apart.
After all Halloween is the season of forgiveness.
Well, half that made sense.
Okay! [SIGHS] But I don't have a costume.
I have an idea! [GASPS] And it is a great idea! I mean, sometimes I get ideas, but this is an idea.
Okay, I'll drop off the costume before the party.
- Okay.
- Hmm.
Thanks, Katie.
I'm going to get those two kids back together.
[CHUCKLES] Who cares? [PANTS] Alexa? [ALEXA] What? Do you mind? I'm watching videos of cats being mean to each other.
Okay, well, watch them all now because tomorrow night is Hannah's party, - and parties have a way of - No, I'm not going.
- Not a chance.
- What? I don't want to see Dylan.
And you won't! Yeah.
Hannah said he was not going.
- Really? - Totally.
You'll feel better if you go out, and have a good time.
And after all, Halloween is the season of getting your mind off things.
That does make sense.
Yeah, I will go! I'm not going to let Dylan ruin my Halloween.
Yeah! Keep hope alive! See what the night brings.
[DAVE SIGHS] What? That's a lot of candy! [GRUNTS] We'll have so much leftover! [SIGHS] Well, that's why God made pajama jeans.
[CHUCKLES] Oh! What's this? Huh.
Let's see "Dear Dave and Lori, thanks for all the Tricks and Treats over the years.
Love, Jennifer.
" - That is so sweet! - Aww! - [HEAD GRUNTS LOUDLY] - [DAVE AND LORI SCREAM] [JACK LAUGHS] Now, that was funny! [YELLS] Ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha! Yes, we did it, Jack! Yeah, we scared the noodles out of them! [LORI AND DAVE CHUCKLE] - You really got us.
- [LORI AND JENNIFER GIGGLE] Usually we get you.
Oh, that's a good point! [CHUCKLES] I hadn't thought of that nonstop for the past 24 hours.
[LORI SIGHS] - Well, good for you.
- [ALL EXCEPT JACK CHUCKLE] A quick, quick question though.
Uh did you saw a hole in our table? [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] Wow! I guess I did.
I just got so wrapped up in it.
I didn't You guys just set the bar so high, I had no choice! Such a clean cut.
My grandpa would be impressed.
He made this table.
It's okay.
Uh because I have the piece.
[CHUCKLES] No one will even be able to tell, look.
[GIGGLES] - Yeah.
- Happy Halloween! - Yeah, free the room.
Happy Halloween! [MUSIC PLAYING] Happy Halloween! - That's not getting old at all.
- Oh, good! - Happy Halloween! - Ugh! Oh, perfect! We're out of bowls.
Hope they have cups.
Interesting costume.
What are you? I'm a unicorn's butt.
[CHUCKLES] Okay, I see that now.
Beep beep.
- Gwenny, you're - A girl robot.
[IN A ROBOTIC VOICE] Hello! [GIGGLES] I can't believe you wore that for me.
And you dressed as a unicorn's butt for me! I never thought I'd say those words.
I never thought I'd hear those words.
You know, even though I'm a robot and you're a unicorn butt we still fit together.
Like a pair of scary old clowns.
How are your parents? This will make sense when Peanut Butter gets here.
Happy Halloween, Jelly! - Where is Peanut Butter? - She said she'll meet me here.
Hey, guys! I decided to dress as a Master Chef.
[CHUCKLES] See? Pot? Oven mitt? [GIGGLES] It's a terrible costume.
But she sells it with attitude.
Oh, good! We're out of bowls.
Wait, why aren't you wearing your peanut butter costume? Because I found somebody who wore it better.
[MUSIC PLAYING] Katie, what did you do? Hi.
- Hi.
- [KATIE CHUCKLES] Do I need to do everything? Okay.
In life there are things that just belong together.
Like peanut butter and jelly.
So, even if Jelly missed Peanut Butter's Mathlete competition, and, even if Peanut Butter wasn't understanding of how much help Jelly's best friend needed those aren't reasons to pull a delicious sandwich apart.
What a monologue.
[CHUCKLES] There's literally nothing she can't do.
- Are you done? - Yeah! All that's left is for you two to make up.
- That was awesome! - Yeah.
Guess I should have gone as Cupid for Halloween, huh? The reindeer? I should have known that Katie would do this.
I'm glad she did.
Yes, she's got a good heart.
And she's right.
We do make a pretty good sandwich.
[GIRLS] Aww! Look I hate how things went down yesterday.
Yeah, me too.
Thank you for apologizing.
I didn't apologize.
[CHUCKLES] I didn't do anything wrong.
[GIRLS] Ooh.
- You didn't? - No.
Are you sure? Yeah, I was at my Mathlete competition, which you bailed on to help Katie.
You're right.
I have been spending more time with Katie.
And less time with me.
Because you're going away to college.
And that's all you talk about.
I'm weirdly obsessed with having a future.
I want you to go to college.
But every time you bring it up, you never talk about what that means for us when you're gone.
Well I hadn't thought about that.
Well, I have.
So, what's the plan? Would we be long-distance? Would you come back for holidays or would we break up? - [MUSIC STOPPED PLAYING] - [ABSOLUTE SILENCE] I I don't know.
What do you mean you don't know? I don't know.
[SIGHS] [TSKS] Well, then I do know.
[SOBS] Are we breaking up? I guess we are.
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