Ali G Rezurection (2014) s02e07 Episode Script

Guns

[snap] Everytin' cris! In recent times, there has been 'nuff controversy 'bout the firearms, innit? Some gaylords out there has been spreading rumors that guns actually kill people and them wants to ban them.
All me gotta say is that each year over three billion people die from cancer, but me don't hear no one talking about banning that, innit? You want the truth? You can't handle the truth.
You can't.
In this show, me go to visit the NRA, which stand for the American Gun Corporation.
Check it.
Gully me seh, hot skull! 2x07 - Guns I is ready.
[snap] Check this! In America, it is legal to carry around machine guns for children as young as fourteen years old.
Wicked! So that is why I is come to the HQ of the NRA.
The National Rifle Organization.
Check it.
- Has anyone ever been killed by a gun? - Ahem Yes.
- When? - Um I don't know.
I So, what is the one-gun-a-month scheme? There, well, you know, there's a proposal different proposals that would prohibit someone from purchasing more than one gun a month.
That would only be like ten a year or whatever.
- Twelve or so.
- A'ight.
Well, whatever.
If that law came into place or whatever and it was Christmas and you wanted to get, like, your niece a gun or whatever, then her brother would be jealous if you ain't got him one as well.
That's a very good point.
Her parents might feel that way.
And that could split up the family or whatever.
I don't know if you is got brother or sister? I have a little brother.
Do you have any brothers and sisters? - I has got a sister, but she's a bit - Ah.
- She's got one eye that go a bit like that.
- Aw.
[music] Do you think there is some middle ground that can be reached between you and the gun people? We've tried.
There's not a lot of middle ground there.
What about allowing guns, but banning bullets? Would you be into that? We would like to see great restrictions on bullets.
So what about allowing bullets, but banning guns? Well, again, we want to have very strong restrictions on guns.
We would like to have strong restrictions on guns and bullets.
Okay, what about allowing guns but having bullets that don't fit the guns? - Mm-hmm.
- Would that be a way? Well, again, in this country, to actually pass a law, we have to get past the people who are making all the money making the guns and selling the guns, and making the bullets and selling the bullets.
But the girls, they like the guns, huh? The girls [snap] they like the guns.
- You got a little Uzi, man - Sure, they do.
you is gonna get some serious bitches.
Yeah, but how much are they gonna like you after you've been shot and you're in a wheelchair and you can't go to the bathroom by yourself? Yeah, they ain't gonna like you then.
Or after you've been shot and you're in a hospital, and you're brain-damaged, you're going "uh-hh.
" I mean, how much of the girls are gonna like you then? No, they ain't gonna like you then, but until that happen, they is gonna be well into you.
Yeah, but that's gonna happen pretty quick, man.
[music] - Ali G: Ali.
- Bob Kahn, how are you? Fo' real.
Very good.
Very nice to see such a lovely shop.
Do you sometimes give these guns away to charity? No, we used to give guns away to the Boy Scouts.
A'ight, that's a good idea.
So that is well heavy.
So this is for, like, just, let's say, walking down the street or No, this is for police use or a lot of people have these on their boats for protection on private boats.
- Can I go like that? - Sure.
- You sure? It won't go off? - Nope.
- Promise? - I promise.
- Ugh.
[bleep] - Wait a minute, go ahead.
- Wait a minute.
- Go ahead, do it now.
[shotgun cocks] Yeah.
Yes, that's a good feeling, that's serious.
- And then you press that? - And then you press the trigger.
- You sure it ain't gonna go off? - No, try it.
[gun clicks] [chuckling] Respect.
Big up yourself.
You wanna give a shout-out to anyone? I have nothing to say to the people of England.
A'ight.
You got nothing to say to us at all? No, not anything except I don't like - I don't like your political system - All right, thanks a lot.
a great deal, and I don't like your laws - All right, thanks.
- with regard to guns.
[music] [music] Wicked! I is here with none other than Tony Benn.
He been in the political game for many, many years, so nobody knows it like he does.
And he is gonna explain what socialism is.
And what with the left stuff is going on.
What is socialism, Tony? Socialism is about organization.
It's about democracy.
So why do they call it the welfare state? - Is it because it's well fair? - Well, a welfare state means that you've got a national insurance.
But unemployment benefit is wicked because you get money for doing nothing.
- Is that what socialism - Yeah, but why are you doing nothing - if you've been sacked? - Because you're chillin'.
Well, what do you mean? This idea that if you're unemployed, you're lazy is absolute rubbish.
Me ain't saying it's 'cause you're lazy, me is saying that you wanna chill or whatever, you know? What do you mean you want to chill? You wanna relax.
You don't wanna have to get up every morning at, like, seven in the morning.
Well, do you think the miners decided to close the pits 'cause they wanted to be lazy? [music] So do you think young mothers should get welfare? Well, of course.
But does the welfare not just encourage young girls to go out and get jiggy with Mr.
Biggy? - Get a pizza in the oven - If you think girls get pregnant because they think they'll get benefits, - I think you're living in a funny world.
- For real, for real.
There is girls in me estate or whatever that is sixteen, seventeen.
They already got one kid and they see something nice in the shops, they think, "Is me gonna go and get a job or is me gonna go and get welfare? Then me can sit on my butty and watch Vanessa or whatever.
" No, come on, you're not living in the real world, my friend.
You're living in a world where everybody's - just so bloody greedy - A'ight.
that there's no hope of building a better society and that's why we're in a mess.
[music] Is calling a strike not a bit like calling a sicky? Like you had, like, a really bangin' weekend or whatever and you is well knackered or whatever and you ring up But if you go on strike, you lose your income! I mean, nobody wants to go on strike! - After all, if you - Yeah, but if you is knackered or whatever, you had a really full-on weekend.
Oh, blimey, if you think it's like a hangover.
I mean, the miners were on strike for a year.
They had no wages for a year.
The women had to struggle.
Well, then they must have been well lazy if they did a whole year.
Look, they wanted work and the government stopped them - from having the right to work.
- A'ight.
So they gave up their income to fight for their jobs and their children's jobs.
But everyone going on about the right to work, what about the right not to work? Well, that's different if you don't want to work.
- A'ight, for real.
- Well, I mean, but that's just not true of most people, is it? Most people really want to work.
You want to work, - you wouldn't be here today.
- No, me don't.
No, me wanna work when me wanna work, but most of the time, me wanna chill, me wanna hang with me bitches, whateva.
You do treat women with a great deal of disrespect.
You call them a bitch as if you were a dog.
That ain't no, that ain't a term of disrespect.
But it is a term of it's just like animals.
- You're calling them animals.
- No.
I think you've got no time for people.
You think they're lazy, greedy, don't want to work, you call women bitches.
And then you're asking me about a society that's happy! Well, I'll tell you, a society like that, somebody will shoot you one day because you treat them like an animal! [music] 'Kay, we just wanna say thank you, Tony Benn.
No, it's been fun, I enjoyed it very much.
[chuckles] Maximum respect going out to my main man, Tony Benn.
A'ight.
- Nice to see you.
- Keep it real.
[music] [music] Jankoey.
I have come here to greatest university in world, Cambridge, where most famous men in world study Isaac Newton, William Shakespeare, Kenny Dalglish, Thompson Twins to find why this is greatest university in world.
Yekshemesh.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- Welcome, your name is? - Ian.
I have seen women here in Cambridge today.
- Yes.
- Why are they here? Well, because they also are clever.
Yes, we say in Kazakhstan that a woman who goes with book is like a horse with what you put on the horse? - A saddle.
- Yes! [laughing] I mean, the point is that half the world are women.
- Yes.
- And therefore, half the intelligence, - half the ability - Yes? is with the women.
The only difference is - that they are not creative.
- Yes.
- Women haven't got creative minds.
- It's true.
- They can't think.
- They cannot think properly.
No, they can't think.
We say in Kazakhstan, you find me woman with brain, I find you a horse with how you say? - With wings? - Yes! [laughing] Yes, like this.
- It's true, it's true.
- Yes.
And what is the Cambridge Ball? Everyone say the Cambridge Ball, what is? Cambridge Balls are just big things where you dress up in white or black tie.
- Borat: It is like a party? - Yes.
And they bring in women specially for this? No, there's no special women brought in.
You bring your own women, I'm afraid.
Borat: Yes, and so they do not bring in prostitute? Absolutely not, no prostitutes, I don't think.
So, how do you have a party without Um, well, in England we don't really use prostitutes at parties, it's just one of these odd things.
- Why not? - I don't know, just not tradition.
Will there be wrestling with no clothes and a horse polo? Well, there certainly won't be - wrestling with no clothes.
- Yes.
- There might be polo somewhere.
- Yes.
But I think that some of the kinds of parties - that maybe you're thinking of - Yes.
you're not going to find here at all.
And will there be a woman where you go and you do a - like, sex with them, and - I'm sorry, you're going to have to cut that off.
That's an inappropriate question.
- There will be no such parties.
- Okay.
That is not the kind of school this is.
- This is a serious university - Okay.
and there is not going to be any sort of prostitution that you just mentioned.
- That would be inappropriate.
- Okay.
- Okay, you're going to have - Okay, so, about the - forget the party - I'm sorry, that's over.
Thank you.
Borat: When Cambridge students do not study, they like to play English game of cricket.
I learn to play, please.
Thank you.
You're left-handed, so you hold it with your top hand round there and your bottom hand there.
And when you when the ball comes no, here, have your feet further apart.
Hold your bat there, okay? And when the ball comes watch me.
- Watch me! - Yes? Pick up the ball bat there, put your front front forward foot no, the front foot.
Your right foot forward.
[sighing] No.
All right? That's right.
- But can I just show you - Why do you touch me so much? Just here.
You pick up the bat there.
No, no, don't worry.
[sighs] I want the ball to be there No, leave the ball alone! - Up with the bat - Yes.
and out to the ball.
- Can you try and do that? - Okay, no problem.
No, hands the other way around.
That's right.
What did I do? No, I didn't.
There.
No! - I can hit! - No, no, no, you can't.
Just just do this.
- All right? Just watch.
- I am strong, let me Watch.
- There, that's all I want you to do.
- Okay, okay.
That's all you have to do.
Now, now put your foot there and the bat comes down like that.
But this foot should be over here.
Well, no.
Your foot that's where the ball should be.
And then you put there, but bend this over.
That's a good shot.
The ball won't be standing still, it'll bounce here and it'll come up in there.
- And that's a good shot.
- And what do I do here? And you won't forget me? No way! I'm gonna tell everyone! - Borat like Barry! - What's your name anyway? - Borat like Barry.
- Borat like Barry? But people call me Steve.
- Steve? Okay, Steve.
- Then call me Steve! Can I call you Brian? [laughing] Yeah - Why? - I don't know! - Yaa-aah! Why? - No reason, really.
In Kazakhstan, there was English man, - he called me Steve.
- Yeah? Today, I look for Steve.
There's one Stevie, one Steven, no Steve! [laughing] Jankoey.
So, today we met the most intelligent people in Britain.
In one day in Cambridge, I had more fun than six years at Almaty University.
And best thing of all, government pay for this.
We have lot of lesson to learn.
Jankoey.
[music] [music] The filth.
Scum.
Pig.
These are some of the terrible things the police is called.
Other things include the fuzz and the fuzzy muff.
But you gotta give the flange respect.
'Cause they is keeping the streets safe from the most dangerous weapons.
This is Detective Superintendent David Hatcher from the police.
He is here to show us some of the terrible weapons that brothers is usin' on brothers every day.
- Now what is these? - Right, this is the basically it's two pieces of wood, it's a chuck or sometimes it's called a flail.
So where can you get these kind of things from? - Well, you can't buy them in this country legally.
- Fo' real.
So which countries can you buy these things from? Uh, I'm not going to advertise - where they can come from.
- A'ight, for real.
What has we got in here? Right, this looks like a this is actually a very small knife.
- A dagger that, uh, as you can see - Oh, nice.
That is an interesting thing.
And how much is one of these? - To buy? - A'ight.
I have no idea.
So, what if you is, let's say, in the kitchen, you is chopping carrots with a machete or something, 'cause you don't have anything, and then the phone ring and then it slip into your sock and you don't know and you is running to get a bus and it fall into someone's arm, you know, a couple of times.
Is that legal or illegal? You've got a wild imagination.
A'ight, but me is thinking about the law.
Would that be legal or illegal? I'd say that's absolutely illegal.
No court is gonna believe that that sequence of events - was really likely to occur.
- So, would this be legal to carry around with you? 'Cause that is - No, because that's designed only for one purpose.
- A'ight.
- For hurting someone.
- You couldn't convince me that you got that for anything legal.
What if you said you just got a few pack lunch or something like that? - I'd say convince the court, Ali.
- A'ight.
'Cause I don't believe you.
- You're coming with me.
- A'ight.
Where? To the police station? - What, now? - If you like.
- What do you mean? - Because you've been arrested Oh, you is saying you're pretending to be in the All right.
I didn't understand what you is talking about.
[laughs] Okay, cool.
What kind of excuses do a court believe with knives? If it's the truth and if it's reasonable, then hopefully the court will believe it.
What I'm not gonna do is give you a list of things that I would suggest a court might believe, - because you could use that excuse - Fo' real.
and it not really be true.
So has you ever come in contact with a criminal who can put a hand into someone's body and take out the heart and just do it like that? I know they has seen that in the films and whatever, but they say if you is really trained at kung fu or whatever, you can do that.
- There might be somebody who can.
- A'ight.
- It's news to me.
- So what is you gonna be doin' with all these weapons afterwards? Well, they'd be taken to an iron foundry, they'd all be melted down and destroyed.
- So, would you auction them? - No way, no.
- What about if it was for a charity? - Not even for a charity.
- All right, thank you very much, - Thank you.
Chief Superintendent.
Big up, respect.
[music] [music] - Hello, Lord Sudeley.
- Good morning.
It is a very nice to meet you.
Very nice to meet yourself.
- Eh, you are a real lord? - That's right.
It is a very honor - for me to meet you.
- Thank you.
And what different type of lords is there? Well, there there are two kinds.
There are hereditary and there's life peer.
Somebody, yesterday, call me say I am a gaylord.
- It is true? - Uh, a gay lord I don't know if that has nothing to do with homosexuality, I suppose? Well, no.
- I don't know we were in my hotel - Yes.
- and there is a man, I have a drink with him - Yes.
and he say, "Thank you, you are real gaylord.
" - And I say, "Thank you very much.
" - I see.
That's right, yes.
We like very much the Queen.
Do you know her? I've been presented to her once.
- She is very, very beautiful.
- Yes.
Very sexy, no? Well, I wouldn't like to use that proper adjective about her.
- I would say, like, a beautiful.
- Oh, she is.
- You like to be with her.
- That's right.
In my country, we love England, Great Britain, Queen Victoria, Winston Churchill, um, Kenny Dalglish, Spice Girl.
But we do not like Europe.
Why you want to join with Europe? The thought was it was the one power base to belong to.
Some of this country have very strange culture.
Yes.
Some countries do, I suppose.
I don't know.
In France, they eat cheese.
- Is it? - Eat cheese.
- From milk.
- Yes.
- All the time they eat cheese! - Oh, yes, nice white cheeses.
Yes, they're going for a lot of that Camembert sort, indeed.
What is a single mother? A single mother is somebody who's had a child and the husband isn't there.
- In Kazakhstan, under communism - Yes.
they because there were suddenly many, many mother with a bastard.
- Yes, I see.
- They instruct in communism they instruct men to make love only to the bottom.
- You think they should do this here? - Love Love to what? - If she is a virgin - Yes? you make love to the bottom.
- Uh, to the bottom.
- Yes, I see, yes.
- You think they should do this here? - Oh, I don't know.
Um, it sounds a bit unnatural, doesn't it? - Do you like me? - Yes.
Well, you can see it all from the outside, - you probably know better than I.
- I like you.
I like you too! It is a very nice to meet your, Lord.
Thank you very much.