All Hail King Julien (2014) s05e06 Episode Script

1 [ANIMALS CHATTERING.]
- [MORT GIGGLES.]
- [SHARK ROARS.]
- [MORT.]
I'm okay! - [LAUGHING.]
[UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC.]
[MODULATED VOCALIZING.]
Party! - Who's the king? - King Julien - Who's the king? - King Julien Get down for the get down Everybody party with king who? - King Julien - King who? King Julien Tonight will be forever Let's do it King Julien style [SLO-MO TECHNO MUSIC.]
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh Y'all tell me who's the king Whoa-oh, whoa-oh All hail King Julien! [LAUGHS.]
My peoples! Through that horrifying, traumatic tropical storm that ravaged our kingdom, Judy and the sea gods have bequeathed upon us a big ol' bounty of our favorite drink, Brown Julien! [CHEERS AND LAUGHTER.]
[LAUGHING WILDLY.]
[HORST.]
Aah! Why? The supply of coffee beans that washed up with that shipwreck nobody appeared to survive is so huge, we'll be drinking Brown Julien for the rest of our lives! [SLURPING.]
Your Majesty, does the kingdom really need this many Brown Julien kiosks? I don't know what you mean.
Well, there's this one and then that one and the one next door to that one and then the one you opened inside the outhouse.
- Aw, man! - [WATER FLUSHING.]
They never spell my name right.
Expanding the Brown Julien empire has been a dream of mine ever since I thought it up yesterday while chugging too much Brown Julien.
[SLURPS.]
Ah, man, I love Brown Julien! I hate Brown Julien! [SHUDDERS.]
I don't get it.
I drink it all day.
I drink it all night.
But then when it's time to go to beddy-bye Kaboom! I'm wide awake, and I can hear my own shadow.
[YELLS.]
Masikura! Ugh, you beckoned me, Your Majesty? [WHIMPERING.]
Here, this should calm your stomach and your nerves.
No, thanks.
Uh, coffee's the best drink in the whole world.
I-I [SNIFFING.]
[GASPS.]
Bladow! That is very calming.
What do you call this golden beverage that just made me rethink everything I ever knew about Brown Julien? It's called tea.
Uh, okay.
"T" what? Are you, like, spelling something? What are the other letters? What are they? T-E-A.
It was my grandmother's recipe.
Made of flowers and roots and chamomile and lavender and valerian, et cetera.
Can definitely taste the et cetera.
Real fresh.
But a drink this delicious deserves a better name.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
I dub this beverage Golden Julien.
[ECHOING.]
Julien, Julien, Julien.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Brown Julien is dead.
- [ALL GASPING.]
- Golden Julien is the future.
As you can see, we've got a bunch of great Golden Julien locations popping up around town.
Or should I say, "mom and popping up"? [LAUGHING.]
[HORST.]
Oh, bamboo! Because Golden Julien is locally sourced and brewed right here in our village.
[CHUCKLES.]
Now, I invite you all to experience Golden Julien.
[ALL CHEERING.]
- [SHUDDERS.]
- All right, all right.
Form an orderly queue! [MALE LEMUR.]
Oh, that's just great.
[FEMALE LEMUR.]
You're kidding.
- [SLURPS.]
- Ooh.
Ow! Oh, y oh, that's actually That's quite nice.
Uh, peppermint in there.
Is that? I think it is.
Yeah, it is.
I need my Golden Julien! [EXCLAIMING.]
[GRUNTING.]
[SCREAMING.]
Are you okay, Mort? "Okay"? Am I "okay," man? Can I be reduced to two letters that define me? Uh, why is Mort talking like a groovy '60s cult leader? Guess tea affects him differently.
Society programs us, man.
Like a robot escaping from the mannequin factory, Jack.
Oh, we got Jacks and Jills and James and JoJos and JimJams Let's make sure you got some tranquilizer darts in case Mort gets any weirder.
Locked and loaded.
[WILLIE.]
Mmm, mmm.
It's like drinking a hug from an emotionally distant parent.
And my heart isn't getting all freaky-deaky with the coffee palpitations and the whatnot, man.
Back and to the left.
Back and to the left! [MAN.]
Candy corn, honeybees falling from trees Puppy dogs, kitty cats, dirt on my knees Unicorn, bacon fat A hamster sneeze Children cry, toenails grow, what does it mean? These are words that don't make sense Just word salad Let's build a fence Let's make some pie The baby pigs cry I don't know why Maybe they're a bit shy [KING JULIEN SNORING.]
[SNORING.]
Oh, man.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
[SHUDDERS.]
Hello, Julien.
Gah! Karl? What's your deal, man? I have a proposition for you, Julien.
Even if we weren't cuddling, that statement would be creepy.
I come on behalf of my family's gourmet poo coffee empire, Brüs by Bruce.
[SIGHS.]
Nobody gives a poo about your coffee anymore, Karl.
My peeps are all about that Golden Julien now.
We'd like to buy your Golden Julien kiosks and expand your business even further.
"Expand my business," huh? What's in it for me? Does this solid gold keytar sweeten the deal? [KING JULIEN.]
Yes! [TECHNO MUSIC.]
Maurice, look at all this architecture.
It looks like a fancy prison.
We should do this in our kingdom.
I'm not sure about this, Your Majesty.
I mean, Bruce is Karl's brother.
[KING JULIEN LAUGHING.]
[GLASS SHATTERING.]
[HORST.]
Aah! Why? [GRUNTS.]
Bros, I'm stoked you're here.
- So are Trent and Kipper.
- So stoked.
What Trent said.
Ugh, the dolphins.
Darn those stupid dolphins.
[GASPS.]
- [KING JULIEN.]
This place is sick! - Eh? Coffee fountain! Masseuses! Ping-Pong that's just loud enough to make it impossible to get any work done.
Yeah, and peep all the expensive art I buy because the company makes way too much money and hates charity.
[KING JULIEN.]
Nice.
- [KARL GROANS.]
- Huh? You agreed to remove this piece from the lobby.
[BRUCE.]
Then I changed my mind.
Know why? 'Cause this.
[KARL GROANS.]
Stop! Seriously, Bruce, not in front of my archnemesis.
- [FARTS.]
- Ugh! Just messin' with you, little broski.
Let's go check out the roasting room.
Trent, Kipper.
We rollin'.
[TRENT.]
Kipper, could you imagine? The holy grail of babes.
Half fish, half lady.
"Half" to meet one someday.
Trent, you're on fire, bro.
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
[LAUGHS.]
Okay, now, Karl said you had some business to discuss, so [LAUGHS.]
This guy.
I love it.
[BRUCE.]
"Hi, I'm Johnny Business School", and I want to talk about spreadsheets and" [SPEAKING GIBBERISH.]
[LAUGHTER.]
Aw, come on, don't make that face.
- I'm just messing with ya.
- [MAURICE YELPS, GLASS SHATTERING.]
We do things a little different at Brüs by Bruce.
[CHUCKLES ANXIOUSLY.]
What my imbecile brother means is Karl, pull my finger.
Go on.
Never mind.
I'll do it myself.
[FARTING.]
[LAUGHTER.]
So Baron von Buzzkill wants to talk bidness.
Here it goes.
The structure here is simple.
Trent and Kipper are our Chairmen of Distribution and Sales.
Me? I'm the Chairman of Chairmen.
I'm also CEO, CFO, CTO, BMOC, TGIF, LOL, MSG, and DJ at company picnics.
And Karl is What is it you do here, Karl? Just kidding.
Don't answer that.
Nobody cares.
- [SIGHS.]
- [LAUGHS.]
We want Golden Julien to be part of the Brüs by Bruce fam.
We don't want you to sell out.
We want you to cash in.
[MAURICE.]
Well, Bruce, you've given us - [SNAPS FINGERS.]
- [MAURICE.]
a lot to think about.
- Hmm? - [MAURICE STAMMERS.]
- Mmm.
- Uh What's that? Straight from the nacho bar? "Oh, you guys got a nacho bar? That's sick, bro!" Ooh, I know, bro.
Your Majesty, uh, we should talk this over.
[LAUGHING.]
Maurice! Nacho bar! [GRUMBLING.]
Give you a nacho bar.
Hey, Patrick, you mind giving Maurice a tour of the facilities while I handle my biz with my new best friend? - Uh-huh.
- I'm not leaving King Julien.
[KING JULIEN.]
It's fine, bud.
We'll catch up later.
Nachos! [BRUCE.]
Ready for the board meeting? Karl, you're drivin'.
[GROANS.]
[EXCLAIMING.]
[KING JULIEN.]
This is a board meeting? Yeah, wakeboard meeting.
Where else would we have it, some lame conference room? [DOLPHINS CHATTERING.]
When you're rolling with the Brüs by Bruce crew, we're shredding wakes and taking names every day.
- Mm! - Ha ha! I could get used to this.
[LAUGHS.]
Hey, should we, uh, check on Maurice? I'm sure he's fine.
As you can see, - we have a variety of roasts.
- [GROANS.]
Dark roast, extra-dark roast, - medium-dark roast.
- [GROANING.]
[KING JULIEN.]
What are we doing in this room of fancy glass eggs? Some days it's just nice to come in here and unwind by destroying some priceless collector's items.
- It's very therapeutic.
- Really? You tell me.
- [GLASS SHATTERS.]
- Ooh, that's the stuff.
[LAUGHING.]
Oh, baby! - [GRUNTING.]
- [GLASS SHATTERING.]
[LAUGHING.]
[PULSING TECHNO MUSIC.]
Dude! That's superstar DJ Deceased Rabbit.
How did you get him? Three words money, money, money.
The worthless pieces of paper with dead politicians' faces on it? Yeah, it's all the rage with these dumb, hairless apes called humans.
They trade it to us for coffee, and then we trade it for other stuff, like boats and samurai swords and expanding our coffee empire by crushing all the competition.
Samurai swords! [LAUGHS.]
Where do I sign? [GASPS.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
- [PANTING.]
- [SNAPS FINGERS.]
[GRUNTS.]
Hey, buddy, guess what.
I just signed a contract that'll have us up to our eyeballs in samurai swords and free nachos.
Did you read it first? Read what first? Oh, the contract? Nope.
But Bruce is cool.
And when has a cool person ever been a jerk? - We just get each other.
- [GROANS.]
Totally.
For the first time ever, I feel like I have a brother.
I'm your brother, Bruce.
Exactly.
Hey, bros, who wants to check out the indoor ski slope? King Julien, I think we should think this through.
I don't! [LAUGHING WILDLY.]
Whoosh.
Whoosh.
Whoosh.
[MAURICE GROANS.]
[YAWNING.]
[SLURPS.]
[SPITS, SCREAMS.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Looks like Bruce replaced every single Golden Julien kiosk in the kingdom.
Except that one.
Hey there, Jack.
I need a cup of that sweet, sweet Golden - [CRASHING.]
- Uh, what is this? Bruce told me he didn't want to change anything about Golden Julien.
[LAUGHS.]
Maybe you should have read the fine print or at least waited till I read the dang fine print before you signed it! Yeah, but if I can't trust a corporate CEO to do the right thing, who can I trust? Why did you do this? Do what? You outlawed Golden Julien.
Clover! When did I outlaw Golden Julien? Uh, as soon as you signed that contract, Your Majesty, and Bruce started installing his giant megastores.
If Maurice had done his job, you would have known that the paper you signed also included a royal decree banning Golden Julien from the kingdom so it doesn't cut into Bruce's - coffee profits.
- [GULPS.]
I've already begun enforcing the new law.
Oi! Freeze! - Run away! - [SHOUTING.]
- [GRUNTS.]
- [GASPS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[GASPS.]
Why? [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
- Hey! - What the heck, man? - What the come on! - Hey! Maurice, how could you let this happen? Hmm? I didn't! You sent me on a boring tour of the doo-doo coffee factory while you were breaking fancy antiques with nunchucks.
Okay, maybe it's not as bad as it seems, though.
Maybe everyone will be too happy to have coffee back that they won't even notice that Golden Julien is illegal.
- [MALE LEMUR.]
Bring back Golden Julien! - [OVERLAPPING SHOUTING.]
It appears we are in a bit of a pickle.
Truth be told, I rather miss the Dionysian libertine I became under the sweet spell of Golden Julien.
You were a lot cooler then.
Okay, my peoples! To prove that your shrill screaming did not fall upon deaf ears, I vow to fix this.
My peoples really want their Golden Julien back, buddy.
Right, sure, totally.
Let's jump off this cliff and talk about it.
[KING JULIEN LAUGHING NERVOUSLY.]
Are you sure this is safe? Nah.
But it's hecka fun, though, right? [SCREAMS.]
Imagine what all the loser beluga whales are thinking about us right now, Kipper.
Totally! Hey, is that a smokin'-hot mermaid down there? Where? I'll race ya! So what was it you wanted to chop it up about? Uh I, uh, didn't realize part of the contract I signed would outlaw Golden Julien and replace all the kiosks with poo coffee megastores.
Oh, well, that's business, bro.
And we're business bros.
I thought we were, at least.
Uh, y-yeah, yeah, bidness bros.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh, but taking Golden Julien from my peeps doesn't feel right.
I'll tell you what feels right.
Your beautiful face as the spokesman for Brüs by Bruce.
I don't Hold the phone book.
That's a great idea! [KING JULIEN LAUGHING WILDLY.]
You're coming with me next time we meet with Bruce.
[SCOFFS.]
This is far from the worst thing King Julien has ever done.
[SIGHS.]
Golden Julien is just plants and hot water.
How can you outlaw twigs and leaves and flowers? [GULPS.]
Who cares? What's important is, my face is on a bunch of big buildings, and I love Brüs by Bruce! I hate Brüs by Bruce! Masikura! [GROANS, SLURPS, SPITS.]
Oh! What is wrong with that Golden Julien? Since you outlawed Golden Julien, I have come up with a new recipe.
This tea is made of starfish, locusts, and my outer skin casing.
[KING JULIEN.]
Ugh.
I'm molting.
You got to get me some Golden Julien, man.
[CHUCKLES.]
I need it.
It is illegal because you accepted bribes from a businessman.
[GROANS.]
I really screwed up, huh? I sold out my kingdom just to hang out with the cool crowd and have a lot of whatever money is, and now my people can't even bathe their taste buds in the warm glow of Golden Julien.
You're only half right.
[KING JULIEN.]
Hmm? [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[KNOCKING RHYTHMICALLY.]
What's the secret password, man? Password "one two three four.
" All lowercase.
There is no way that's the Oh.
[GRUNTS.]
It's cool.
He's with me.
[KING JULIEN GRUNTS.]
W-what is this? The only place to get Golden Julien in the kingdom now.
Just because something is illegal doesn't make it any less popular.
- [TED.]
another cup of tea - [GASPS.]
[SCATTING.]
Get a load of Teddy [SCATTING.]
I've lost control of my legs [BOTH GASPING.]
[GASPS.]
- [ALL SHOUTING.]
- [CUPS SHATTERING.]
[FEMALE LEMUR.]
Oh, no, no, no, no, no! [STAMMERING.]
- Not mine! - [CUP SHATTERS.]
Holding it for somebody.
[GASPS.]
Clover? Uh, uh, uh, hey.
- [GRUNTS.]
- [YELLS.]
[STAMMERING.]
I know this looks bad, Your Majesty.
But I came in here the other night to bust up the place, and then, well, I saw how much fun it was in here, and I decided to stay.
I drove all my peoples to party underground like really cool criminals? Not just your peoples.
[GROANING.]
Karl! What are you doing here? Golden Julien is our competition.
My older brother has made my life a living heck.
[ANGRY CHIRPING.]
- Pardon my French.
- [SQUEAKS.]
And there's nothing I can do about it.
The company is too powerful.
He's too powerful.
There must be something we can do.
Anything short of disrupting his supply lines so his customers are forced to buy from a different wholesaler won't put a dent in his empire.
So what if we disrupt the supply lines? [CHUCKLES.]
A big shipment heads out tomorrow.
The dolphins are escorting it to its destination.
We will need to distract Bruce and his heads of security, or they'll foil the plan before it starts.
What do you mean by "distract"? I thought perhaps you could employ your feminine wiles to [CHOKING.]
I am a warrior! I don't employ my feminine wiles for nobody! Understood.
I've got a better plan.
I'll use an elaborate disguise to trick Bruce into believing that I am a successful businessman.
And what do we do once we have the ship? That's where I come in.
I'ma swim under that boat and blow that thing to smithereens.
Kaplowy! You really think you can get to the barge undetected? Oh, I'm a very strong swimmer.
Scuba certified! [EXCITING MUSIC.]
[PANCHO.]
Careful, boys.
This dynamite's pretty old, so it's a little unstable.
- [STUTTERING.]
What? - Huh? [EXPLOSION.]
[WATER BUBBLING.]
What was that noise, Kipper? Probably just an orca fart.
I-if there's an orca down there, it is our duty to tell him how much he sucks.
Let's go! [HIGH-PITCHED VOICE.]
Ooh.
Howdy, sailors.
Kipper, this is the mermaid we've been waiting for.
- Dibs! - Dibs? She is a modern mermaid.
She should be the one to choose.
I am a lonely - Pretty mermaid girl - [BOTH EXCLAIMING.]
- That's my mermaid.
- My mermaid! Oh, well, uh, hello there, fellow captains of industry.
Well, well, well "Aloha" means "What's up, pretty lady?" [LAUGHING.]
Oh, oh, a lady? No, no, I'm, uh, international tycoon Mango Door-Loser of the, uh the Delaware Door-Losers.
Lucky for you, I'm a sucker for a gal with a nice bushy flavor-saver under her nose.
Hold this.
Big Daddy's got some bidness to attend to.
Yes, well, uh, I was thinkin', uh, maybe you could, uh, give me a tour of your facilities.
Sure, babe.
Anything for a solid seven like yourself.
[GROANS.]
[SOFT JAZZ MUSIC.]
[ALL GRUNTING.]
Well done, Chauncey.
[SQUEAKS.]
Oh, well, I do declare, this is one fine ergonomical office situation.
Uh, no doy! I designed it.
[CHUCKLES.]
Wow.
You're lucky you're kind of beautiful.
[GROANS.]
I'm a beautiful on the inside because I am a masculine on the outside.
I'm definitely a businessman.
Hold that thought, sugar cheeks.
- [WALKIE-TALKIE BEEPS.]
- [GROANS.]
Work stuff.
Trent? Kipper? Situation report.
Oh, be still, my mermaid heart.
You boys are a couple of charmers, aren't you? - I'm the charming one.
- No way! I'm the charming one and the cute one.
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
Something's wrong.
Sorry, babe, I need to take a Hollywood five to check this out.
Wait! Don't go.
I have a lot of questions.
Look, you're a fun girl, and this weird costume thing is really doin' a number.
But I got to go handle some business.
You know, man stuff.
Handle some what? - Man stuff? - [GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTING, BLOWS LANDING.]
[KARL.]
Oh, well done.
That was the most fun I've had in years.
Why couldn't I have just knocked him out in the first place? Because I wanted you to hate him so much, you truly wished to harm him.
I know what you're thinking.
Brilliant, right? No, no, actually, that's not what I'm thinking.
What I'm thinking is about where to hide your corpse when I'm finished with you! - [DOLPHINS CHATTERING ANGRILY.]
- Hmm, hmm, hmm.
[KING JULIEN WHIMPERS.]
Hmm? [GASPS.]
What is so interesting over there? Trent's eyes are up here.
Trent, we're being played.
This hot mermaid is a femme fatale.
Guards! Everybody! There's some gross townies messing with our shipment.
[CHATTERING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Hmm? [KING JULIEN.]
Okay, this looks bad.
Any ideas? Cover your ears and watch out for shrapnel.
And you guys might want to start updating your résumés.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, we're way too close to the - [BUZZER BLARES.]
- [EXPLOSION.]
[ALL YELLING.]
[DOLPHINS YELLING AND CHATTERING.]
[GROANS.]
[EXPLOSION.]
[FANFARE PLAYS ON HORN.]
Let us abscond! Quickly! Aw, nah.
Brah! [KARL.]
Thank you again, my old adversary, for being a pawn in my master plan.
Your master plan? I realized the only way I could ever properly defeat Bruce and destroy his business is through partnering him with Julien.
- Uh - We almost got blown up by dynamite, man! - [KARL LAUGHING.]
- [KING JULIEN.]
Hmm.
Until next time, Julien-ites.
[WHOOSHING.]
Okay, is it just me, or is that guy the worst? Okay, our first order of business, we figure out a way to get rid of all of Bruce's megastores.
Did somebody say "dynamite"? - [BUZZER BLARES.]
- No! [EXPLOSION, DISTANT SCREAMING.]
[CLOVER.]
I imagine there's some sort of lesson in there somewhere, Your Majesty.
[KING JULIEN.]
Yeah.
It's not my job to make stuff illegal just so it benefits business dudes who bribe me.
From now on, folks can drink whatever beverages they want.
Heck, we could even open up a milk shop around the corner.
I mean, if that's what my peoples want.
[MAURICE.]
Maybe we can just leave the business and retail stuff to guys like Bruce from now on.
[BRUCE.]
Poo coffee.
Who wants my poo coffee? - Warm and fresh.
- [WIND WHISTLING.]
Anybody? [SIGHS.]
[MAN.]
Screaming from the school doors On a Friday afternoon To break the abstinence Competition always drives things further And the one Who screams the loudest wins Julia's worn the same clothes now Since 1982 And she's so worried About her daughter