All Hail King Julien (2014) s05e08 Episode Script

Blackboard Jungle

1 - [MORT GIGGLES] - [SHARK ROARS] - [MORT] I'm okay! - [LAUGHING] [UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC] [MODULATED VOCALIZING] Party! - Who's the king? - King Julien - Who's the king? - King Julien Get down for the get down Everybody party with king who? - King Julien - King who? King Julien Tonight will be forever Let's do it King Julien style [SLO-MO TECHNO MUSIC] Whoa-oh, whoa-oh Y'all tell me who's the king Whoa-oh, whoa-oh All hail King Julien! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Todd! Here you go, trophy for your great job graduating first grade, huge milestone, whatever.
Ah, graduation.
And does this mean she's moving out and I can have my life back? Moving out? Who do you think is paying our mortgage with all the pageant winnings? It sure ain't your disability checks.
Hey, not my fault my spine grew back.
[KING JULIEN] Tord! Adequate job, Tord.
Tracy the Boy.
Tracy the Girl.
And last but not least, U-Utter.
U-Utta? Eh, trophy me, Clover.
We, uh[CHUCKLES] seem to be out of trophies, Your Majesty.
What? No trophies? This is Utta's big day.
Oh, uh, I don't need a trophy.
I-I'm just proud of my hard work.
Everyone needs a trophy, Utta.
- [SCREAMS] - My peoples! Little change of plans.
Your king needs to run a quick errand, but I'll be right back.
Uh, Pancho and Ted will entertain you while I'm gone.
Won't you, guys? My time to shine.
Just need to warm up my throat muscles real quick.
[SCREAMING GIBBERISH] Andy, we got a trophy emergency! [MUFFLED GRUNTING] Be right back! I still have no idea how we were one trophy short.
I counted them early this morning! [HUMMING NONCHALANTLY] Well, Clover, maybe you should have counted a little better, because I sure don't have that trophy.
I definitely don't have it.
- Here you go.
- Ooh.
All right, Your Majesty, we should get back to the kingdom.
Yeah, ma What is that wonderful, shimmery, blingy trophy for? It's the trophy for the Annual Island-Wide Academic Tournament.
Nice, huh? Maurice, why is this the first I'm hearing of this Annual Academicalogical thing? King Julien the Terrible decided lemurs needed a more pro-lemur curriculum.
[MAURICE] He created his own for-profit charter school so there would be no oversight or academic standards whatsoever to get in the way of him indoctrinating kids with his awful ideas.
Ah, yes.
I remember his motto.
I think it went something like "True learning comes from isolation and fear.
" Really was ahead of his time.
Still, that is one fine piece of trophy.
Oh, Mo-Mo.
Oh, please kill me.
We're entering that tournament right now.
- [BELL DINGS] - [LAUGHING] [CHUCKLES] Welcome, Aye-Ayes, Rats, and Foosa.
And apparently the lemurs decided to show up for once.
[COUGHS, MUMBLES] My little peoples, you are about to take the stage and show them all the junk you've got in your scholarly trunk.
As you baby geniuses know, there is nothing in the world that's more valuable than knowledge.
Except that huge trophy! Now get out there and make me proud! You're that confident they'll win? Yeah, these other teams look way geekier than ours.
A lot of indoor kids, you know what I'm saying.
[BLOWS RASPBERRY] Look, our squad is the cream of the corn of the lemur charter school.
If they weren't, would they all be named valedictorians of their first-grade class, hmm? Yeah, I started out as a lowly valedictorian.
And now I'm pretty much the smartest lemur in the world.
Oh, anybody gonna eat this wad of hair I just found on the ground? [GASPS] [MUNCHING] Oh, that's good hair.
Mmm, mmm.
Ooh, this is gonna be so great.
[LAUGHS] I got a good feeling.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC] [BELL TOLLS] What is photosynthesis? - [BUZZER SOUNDS] - Oh, that's easy.
Weird German keyboard music that Mr.
Ted is always dancing to.
- Ted, are you almost done in there? - [ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING] - It's been three hours.
- [MAN] Photosynthesis Incorrect! - [GASPS] - [LAUGHTER] When did life begin on Madagascar? - [GULPS] - [GROWLING] When Frank the Sky God created lemurs so King Julien the First would have someone to party with.
- Incorrect! - Oh! [LAUGHTER] [BUZZERS SOUNDING] Incorrect! [BUZZER BLARES] [BUZZERS SOUNDING] Incorrect! [BUZZERS SOUNDING] Incorrect! - [LAUGHTER] - Incorrect! Incorrect! Incorrect! Incorrect! After the first half of the competition, the Aye-Aye Kingdom holds the lead with 750 points.
[CHEERING] [CROC AMBASSADOR] And in last place with zero points, the Lemur Kingdom.
Why did he have to point out that we're in last? I mean, that that just seems mean.
Mean! And may I remind you, zero is the lowest possible score, since we don't do negative numbers, which are numbers that are less than zero, for you lemur kids.
[MUMBLES] [LAUGHTER] We're losing to the rats? The ones with the king who's always forgetting how to breathe? Clover! Maurice! How did this happen? Here is the problem, Your Majesty.
This is the textbook our kingdom learns from.
Notice anything? Mm, I don't know.
A bunch of words? Wait a minute, Todd got the answers right, at least according to this ridiculous textbook.
"Photosynthesis is a weird German techno music.
It is illegal in this kingdom and punishable by flogging.
" Mm-hmm.
I can see why Ted's into it.
Eh Heh.
"King Julien the First was lonely," so Frank the Sky God made him a bunch of friends "to party with, which is why we celebrate Franksgiving.
" That's from the science section, by the way.
I never noticed how silly this book was until we got our butts kicked by kids who got an actual education.
Probably because you never learned from that book.
[KING JULIEN] Memorization.
Don't Ask Questions.
Huh, Maurice, why have I never seen this very reasonable-sounding book? Remember, your parents hired a tutor and then sent me with you so you'd have somebody to copy off of.
And while you were cheating your way through school, I was at the military academy learning how to protect you lot.
[COUGHS] What a martyr.
[COUGHS] Martyr.
And I've been around so long, I'm actually in the history section.
Mort, how freaking old are you? Guys, guys, guys, if Todd memorized everything in this book, maybe we just need to teach him some real facts, and we'll have a shot to at least score more than a zero in tomorrow's round of the competition.
You're right, Mo-Mo.
Let's fix this busted school system.
Big news, everybody! I'm reforming our school! Uh, re form? D-did I say it right? Okay, uh, I'm "overhauling.
" Eh.
Making the school gooder! - [CHEERING] - Make it gooder.
And I'm talking bigly.
And I'm taking home that trophy! Oh, what's wrong with the current school? It teaches patriotism and superstition.
Don't forget being distrustful of foreigners.
- We live in a jungle.
- Huh? What do we even need to know? You're born, do some stuff, get eaten by a foosa.
It ain't exactly particle physics, whatever that means.
And to help us start kicking it new school, I've brought in the nerd we all love to hate, Timo! Everyone loves to hate me? [SNORTS] Yeah, I-it's a figure of speech.
Timo has come up with a new way of teaching that's even better than the other "kingdomses.
" He's found a common core that gives kids an easy way to learn without too much thinking.
I call it "The Basic Idea.
I thought that would get at least a smattering of applause.
- [SCREAMS] - That's right, peoples.
Anyone who believes that lemur children are our lemur future is welcome to help.
Okay, here goes.
We carry the omicron, which equals sigma plus ten to the negative thousandth delta sub gamma.
[SNORTS] Any questions? A man not afraid to die - Gave his life for a dream - [WHISTLE BLOWS] You call that dodgeball? I call it pathetic! [GRUNTS IN SLO-MO] [GRUNTING] - Here! - What's happening? - [SCREAMING] - How is this history, again? [CLOVER] Kiya! Oi! Keep your head on a swivel, pencil-neck! Head on a swivel.
If I have eight bananas and you take three, what do we have? - Five.
- Wrong! What we have is a problem, Utta! Give me back my bananas! - [SCREAMING] - Thieves! "That was the day me and Pa buried old Skeeter under the sweet Kentucky bluegrass.
" [SNIFFLES] "And from that loyal hound dog's grave grew a weeping willow.
" - Ow! - [CLOVER LAUGHS] [CLOVER] Nailed it! - [GROANING] - Head on a swivel, Mr.
[TAMMY] Todd! Todd! Smile! Flash the judges your pearly flippers.
[GRUNTS] There are no judges, Tammy.
Stop interfering! We need to see what these little snot factories really know.
How do you think they're doing? Good? - Great? Spectacular? - [INDISTINCT SHOUTING] What's up with those guys? Stop indoctrinating our impressionable youths! [GROWLS] Guess not everybody's supporting our Basic Idea initiative.
Just wait, Mo-Mo.
When they see that every kid is a legit valedictorian, they're gonna change their tune.
Mm, mm.
Done! - Graded every test.
- And? I've never seen anything like it! Todd aced his test.
- That's great! - And everyone else failed.
- Oh, man.
- What? A-aren't you supposed to lead with the good news? Told you learnin' was dumb.
[KING JULIEN MOANS] We didn't teach anybody anything! There's no way we can win the Academic Tournament now! Let's just drop out.
Focus on helping the rest of the kids catch up with Todd.
But I already have plans for my awesome trophy! - [UPBEAT CLUB MUSIC] - [KING JULIEN GRUNTING] I'll be your trophy, King Julien.
I already have your name engraved on me.
Want to see? Nope! [SIGHS] [GASPS] Whee! Todd! As you requested! Ooh, Todd.
Oh, sweet, sweet Todd, our kingdom's only hope.
Tell me how you are able to learn so quickly so we can teach the dumber kids how to be less dumb.
Like most actors, my baby is a superior genius.
He only has to read a line once, and it's committed to memory.
Same with the stupid school stuff.
Todd! Ain't that right, sweetie? Please save me.
I hate acting.
You can name any play Todd's ever read, and he'll recite it.
Butterfish? Othello.
'Tis in ourselves that we are either thus or thus.
Ooh, Calonicé, my heart is on fire.
[LAUGHING] Not bad for a little girl, uh-huh.
Okay, this is something.
If Todd can memorize all the answers to the questions they'll ask, he can win the tournament tomorrow all by his self.
Yeah, uh, only problem is, he'd have to actually know the questions beforehand.
He would have to actually know I'm not liking that thinking sound you just made.
If we could get the tournament questions - beforehand - [GLASS SHATTERS] Did somebody mention skullduggery? Count me in.
Pancho, we wouldn't even know where to find the questions.
The Croc Ambassador keeps them in a briefcase in his bedroom! I did a little research.
I'm afraid to ask why.
I hit a, let's say, financial snag.
But I found a bookie laying 6,000-to-one odds on the lemur kids to win.
We pull this off, I get to keep my thumbs.
[GRUNTS] [SNORING] [KING JULIEN LAUGHS] [GRUNTING] Now we just need to find a key to that case.
Found it.
[SNORING] Wait here.
[CLOVER MUTTERS] Sorry, sir.
I didn't realize the hot tub was already ocupado.
I'm just gonna Oh.
[BREATHING HEAVILY, MOANS] Ermegersh! Daddy! Dad.
Dad! I had a nightmare! There was a scary monster, and I was ugly and bored! There, there, Buttercup.
We'll take care of you.
[MUTTERING] Yes, let Uncle Croc Assistant heat up a cup of Golden Julien and sing you a lullaby.
[GRUNTS] Clover! [GRUNTS] Hmm.
- Where's Timo? - I'll get him.
Timo! Yes, Your Majesty? Get these questions to the butt camera immediately! The, uh, uh, butt camera is actually a copy machine that washed up in Junk Harbor.
[LAUGHING] [CHUCKLES] Enough technical science jargon.
Just copy the stuff! Okay.
That Todd kid seems to be the real deal to me.
He might give us lemurs a chance at winning.
And you know what happens after we win that tournament? Government busybodies telling us all we have to get real schooling! [GRUNTS] But I love the poorly educated.
Fat, dumb, and stupid means money in my pocket.
Well, amen.
Ow! What if Todd - couldn't compete? - [LAUGHING] You guys are speaking my language.
[GRUNTS] We thinking hospital or morgue? No, man! What's wrong with you? All we got to do is distract and hide Todd until after the tournament.
[GRUNTS] [SNORING] [GRUNTING] Quiet, you bumpkins.
Ain't you never done a proper breaking and entering? - [HORN BLARES] - [SHOUTING] Ow! Sharp glass! [SHOUTING] Ah, stupid tortilla chips.
[ROCK MUSIC BLARING] Somebody turn that off! Aah! Aah! - [ALL] Huh? - [GROANS, FARTS] [SNORING] [ALL SIGH] Where do we think the little rug rat is at? And why do I keep whispering? Too easy.
Like taking a baby from a baby cage.
Where's Todd? I'm worried sick about not winning that trophy! [STAMMERING] And also about Todd or whatever.
Even if we had him, he didn't get to memorize the questions and answers yet, anyway.
We got to go save our little Todd! I'll begin the investigation immediately.
Oh, I know where he is.
A mother always knows how to find her boy, especially since he's microchipped.
Got to keep tabs on our investment, y'all.
You know, money, you know.
He's my investment now, too.
Find that little genius, Clover.
Take these with you so Todd can study on the way back.
- On it! - On it! Mort, you're standing in for Todd.
Yay! I'm a little genius! [BURPS] Oh, look, more hair.
[MUNCHING] Are you sure about this? Sure.
We throw a disguise on him, and he pretends to be Todd until Clover gets back.
I'm, uh, Todd.
Without further ado, let us begin with the general-knowledge round.
Uh [BRITISH ACCENT] I must get out there and win this tournament.
This is tailor-made for a being of my intellect.
You can't go out there.
You don't sound anything like Todd.
True, he does have the silky voice of a Mongolian eunuch, but surely I could approximate it.
If you answer the questions, it'll be cheating! That Rubicon was crossed when Julien pilfered the questions.
Todd doesn't wear a monocle.
[GASPS] Are you okay, Todd? [NORMAL VOICE] I'm Todd! Mm, should we do a ransom? Make political demands? How about some light scaring? - Jumping out of closets and such - Freeze, kidnappers.
- Hi-yah! - [GRUNTS] This ain't what it looks like.
Yeah, we was only talking about light scaring.
- Mm-hmm-hmm.
- [GRUNTING] [SCREAMING] [GRUNTING] - [GRUNTS] - Aah! - [GRUNTING] - Hey! Nobody move.
Uh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
All right.
All right.
Let's just be calm.
[TAMMY] Todd, baby, it'll be okay.
Be a brave boy and show the nice man your war face! - [ROARS] - [SCREAMING] [PANTING] All right, Todd, just commit these hundreds of random facts to memory as we run through the jungle, and we'll be just fine.
Where are they, Maurice? All they had to do was one teensy, little heroic rescue.
[GRUNTS] - Hey.
- Okay, they got Todd.
But how do we switch him with Mort without anybody noticing? You know, if you guys need me to blow something up, you just have to ask.
I mean, we're all friends.
Nobody needs you to blow anything up.
And nobody likes you! Oh.
You're always there with the tough love, you old grizzly bear.
I need it.
It's the air I breathe! Wait a minute.
I just got a genius plan.
This animal, found mainly in jungles, is known for being incredibly stupid.
Fire! There's a fire! Fire in a crowded theater! Come on, that is not a plan.
N-not to be Willie, but we're all gonna die! Psst.
[ALL SCREAMING] [SCREAMING] [GROANING] [WILLIE] We're all gonna die! Now that we have all returned safely, we may resume round two.
What happened, Todd? I think I got kidnapped? I-I couldn't tell.
It wasn't a great kidnapping.
Well, I'm glad you're here now.
Losing this tournament wouldn't be the same without you.
Plate tectonics.
T-that is correct! - [CHEERING] - [LAUGHS] The atomic mass of sodium.
[GRUNTS] His Holiness, the Pontifex.
- Correct! - [GRUMBLING] - A hammerhead shark.
- Correct! - An October Surprise.
- Correct.
Stupid! Stupid! - The Big Bang Theory.
- Correct! - The Little Bang Theory.
- Correct! [CROC AMBASSADOR] Correct.
Correct! We enter our final round with a tie.
Correctly answering this question will mean the difference between victory and defeat.
I invite the two team captains, Todd from the Lemur Kingdom, and from the Aye-Aye Kingdom, Buh Brandon? Yeah, it's spelled "B"! Plus the sound "Brandon.
" B'Brandon? [LAUGHS] What a stiff.
Todd's gonna crush that kid.
The trophy's mine! I mean ours! I can't believe we pulled this off.
I mean, sure, what we did was horribly dishonest, and a child was kidnapped by a radical fringe group in the process.
- But we really might win this thing! - Hmm.
[CROC AMBASSADOR] The decisive round of the Annual Island-wide Academic Tournament is usually a lightning round, rewarding the student who memorized the most answers.
Todd's gonna crush that dork! B'Brandon? [LAUGHS] What a b'dumb name.
But this year the final round will be decided by a discussion question.
A what question? You see, only a lazy, craven society would value test preparation over actual learning.
Education shouldn't be memorizing facts in a sterile testing environment.
Education should provide the tools to help students become useful, productive members of society.
That's really powerful.
I see the error of my ways.
I guess the one who really got educated today is me.
I now know what I must do to make things right.
B'Brandon really did not want to let us steal this trophy he rightfully earned.
Kid's got a real strong grip.
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING] [GRUNTS] [ELECTRONIC MUSIC] Photosynthesis Photosynthesis Photosynthesis