'Allo 'Allo! (1982) s05e07 Episode Script

( theme music playing )
YOU WILL NOTE THAT EDITH
IS OVER AT THE WINDOW TABLE,
GENTLY WEEPING.
( sobbing )
THE REASON IS AS FOLLOWS:
I WAS, AT THE POINT
OF 20 GUNS,
IN THE PROCESS
OF MARRYING DENISE LAROQUE,
THE HEAD OF
THE COMMUNIST RESISTANCE,
WHEN EDITH,
BRAVELY OR STUPIDLY,
DEPENDING UPON YOUR VIEWPOINT,
SUBSTITUTED HERSELF
FOR DENISE,
IN THE HOPE
OF BECOMING MY BRIDE.
LITTLE DID SHE KNOW
THAT MY WAITRESSES OVER THERE,
WHO BOTH HAVE
THE HOTS FOR ME,
HAD SUBSTITUTED CRABTREE,
FOR THE CATHOLIC PRIEST.
THIS, OF COURSE, MEANS THAT
THE WEDDING WAS NOT LEGAL,
A) BECAUSE HE WAS
NOT A PROPER PRIEST;
AND B) BECAUSE EVEN
THE GOOD LORD HIMSELF
COULD NOT HAVE UNDERSTOOD
ONE WORD OF THE CEREMONY.
FOOLS, FOOLS, FOOLS.
MADAME EDITH,
WE ARE MORTIFIED.
WE HAD YOUR BEST
INTERESTS AT HEART.
AND RENE'S BEST
INTERESTS.
ALL OUR
BEST INTERESTS.
I WAS SO NEAR,
AND YET SO FAR.
BUT FOR YOUR BUNGLING,
I WOULD NOW BE
A RESPECTABLE MARRIED WOMAN.
IF YOU WOULD ALL
STOP GOING ON
ABOUT YOUR OWN
SELFISH INTERESTS,
YOU WOULD REALIZE
WHAT SORT OF A POSITION
I AM LEFT IN.
MY CHILDHOOD SWEETHEART,
DENISE LAROQUE,
KILLS ANY MAN
WHO REJECTS HER,
AND WHO WILL SHE BLAME
FOR THIS FIASCO? ME!
BECAUSE I TOLD EVERYBODY
ABOUT THE WEDDING PLANS.
DO NOT WORRY,
MY WOULD-BE HUSBAND.
SHE IS SAFELY HOLED UP
IN THE BOTTOM OF A MINE SHAFT
BY MICHELLE
OF THE RESISTANCE.
AND WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN SHE ESCAPES?
WE WILL KEEP HER THERE
TILL AFTER THE WAR.
I WILL SEND
SANDWICHES DOWN.
WHAT ABOUT THAT LUNATIC
GANG OF CUTTHROATS,
WHO WERE ON THE BRIDE'S
SIDE OF THE AISLE?
IF I MAY SAY SO,
MONSIEUR,
SPEAKING
AS THE BEST MAN,
EVEN I FOUND IT
HARD TO HEAR
THE MURMURED
RESPONSES.
IT IS MY BELIEF
THEY THOUGHT
MADAME EDITH
WAS MADEMOISELLE
LAROQUE,
THAT THE MARRIAGE
TOOK PLACE
AND THAT IT IS,
EVEN NOW,
AT THIS MOMENT,
BEING CONSUMMATED.
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE, PLEASE!
SUCH LANGUAGE.
WHAT HAPPENS IN TWO
OR THREE WEEKS,
WHEN DENISE LAROQUE
DOES NOT APPEAR?
WITH YOUR REPUTATION,
MONSIEUR,
IT WILL BE ASSUMED
THAT SHE IS
TOO EXHAUSTED
TO RESUME
GUERRILLA WARFARE.
WHAT REPUTATION?
IT IS ALL PART
OF THE MYTH, EDITH.
WORD OF MOUTH
EXAGGERATES
LITTLE THINGS
INTO BIG THINGS.
I BLOW UP
A BUS STATION,
IT BECOMES
AN AMMUNITION FACTORY.
YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.
YOU ARE ALL TO BLAME.
PERHAPS THIS WILL
TEACH YOU TO CONSULT ME
BEFORE PUTTING
INTO EFFECT
YOUR IDIOT PLANS.
WE ARE SORRY,
RENE.
JUST THINK,
DENISE LAROQUE
DOWN A MINE SHAFT.
SHE WILL NOT LIKE THIS.
I CAN SEE HER NOW,
SCRAPING AT THE BARE EARTH
WITH HER BARE HANDS.
SPITTING MY NAME BETWEEN
HER CLENCHED TEETH.
AND WHAT HAPPENS
IF SHE FINDS A SHOVEL?!
OH MY GOD, I WISH
I HAD NOT THOUGHT OF THAT.
- THE MINE SHAFT
IS A MILE DEEP.
- IS THAT ALL?!
- ( knocking )
- THERE IS SOMEONE
AT THE DOOR.
IT'S THE COMMUNISTS. I KNEW IT.
DO NOT LET THEM IN.
IT IS MICHELLE
FROM THE RESISTANCE.
Rene:
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
YOU SHOULD BE SITTING
ON A BIG SLAB OF STONE
ON TOP OF
THE MINE SHAFT.
THE SLAB OF STONE
IS STILL IN PLACE.
OH, THANK HEAVENS.
UNFORTUNATELY,
DENISE FOUND A SHOVEL.
( all scream )
OH, RENE, RENE!
HE IS DEAD,
HE IS DEAD!
I AM NOT DEAD,
YOU SILLY COW.
PRETEND THAT YOU ARE,
THEY ARE STILL OUTSIDE.
All:
RENE, DEAD!
RENE IS DEAD.
IT WOULD APPEAR
THAT THEY BURST
THROUGH THE DOOR,
AND SPRAYED BULLETS
INTO THE CAFE.
RENE
FELL TO THE FLOOR
AND EXPIRED.
WHAT WERE HIS LAST WORDS?
I BELIEVE--
"OH, HECK, IT HURTS."
I SEE. NOTHING ABOUT
THE PAINTINGS?
COLONEL, THERE IS
AN OLD MAN OUTSIDE,
WHO SAYS HE IS THE FATHER
OF THE LATE RENE ARTOIS.
SHOW HIM IN.
COME IN,
MONSIEUR ARTOIS.
SIT DOWN,
DEAR MONSIEUR ARTOIS.
WE WERE MOST SAD
TO HEAR OF YOUR LOSS.
RENE SPOKE
OF YOU FREQUENTLY.
ALTHOUGH HE DID NOT MENTION
THAT YOU WERE A RABBI.
ARE WE ALONE?
OF COURSE.
SHUT THE DOOR.
HELGA,
CLOSE THE DOOR.
I HAVE TO TELL YOU
THAT I AM NOT
THE FATHER OF RENE ARTOIS.
THEN WHO ARE YOU?
I AM RENE ARTOIS.
NO!
YES.
THE DISGUISE
IS AMAZING.
BUT OF COURSE,
I SHOULD HAVE NOTICED
THOSE DELICATE HANDS.
WHAT IS ALL THIS ABOUT?
COLONEL, I HAVE COME
TO ASK FOR YOUR HELP,
AND TO THROW MYSELF
ON YOUR MERCY.
INDEED, WHAT CAN
WE DO FOR YOU?
WELL, FIRST OF ALL,
THAT WAS NOT A PROPER WEDDING.
WAS IT NOT?
TELL US MORE.
WELL, UNDER THREAT OF DEATH,
I WAS ORDERED TO MARRY
THE HEAD OF THE COMMUNIST
RESISTANCE.
WERE YOU INDEED?
THIS EXPLAINS A LOT.
DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME,
WE WERE IN THE SAME CHURCH
AS THE LEADER
OF THE COMMUNIST RESISTANCE,
AND SHE WAS THE BRIDE?
NO, COLONEL, NO.
NO, MADAME EDITH
FROM THE CAFE WAS THE BRIDE.
THEN YOU ARE NOW
MARRIED TO MADAME EDITH
FROM THE CAFE?
NO, IT WAS NOT A PROPER PRIEST.
WHY WAS IT NOT
A PROPER PRIEST?
BECAUSE MY WAITRESS,
YVETTE,
HAS HOPES OF
MARRYING ME, HERSELF.
AS DOES MIMI,
THE OTHER WAITRESS.
THEY HAD REPLACED THE PROPER
PRIEST WITH A BOGUS ONE.
WHAT COMPLICATED LIVES
YOU FRENCH PEOPLE LEAD.
THE HEAD OF
THE COMMUNIST RESISTANCE
IS TRYING TO KILL ME.
DON'T WORRY,
YOU'LL GET
USED TO IT.
THEY'RE TRYING
TO KILL US
ALL THE TIME.
BUT COULD YOU NOT GIVE ME
SOME SORT OF PROTECTION?
FOR INSTANCE,
PUT AN ARMED GUARD IN MY CAFE?
GIVE ME A BULLETPROOF
WAISTCOAT?
LEND ME A TANK
TO GO SHOPPING?
RENE, YOU SEEM TO FORGET
THAT YOU ARE THE ENEMY.
COLONEL, IF YOU
DON'T MIND ME SAYING,
I AM THE ENEMY
WHO KNOWS WHERE
YOUR PAINTINGS ARE HIDDEN.
IN THAT CASE, WE HAVE
THE PERFECT SOLUTION.
YOU PRODUCE THE PAINTINGS,
AND WE'LL PRODUCE
THE PROTECTION.
HELGA, SEND FOR THE GUARD.
GUARD, COME IN HERE.
THROW THIS OLD PEASAN
OUT INTO THE STREET.
YES, COLONEL.
( Rene whimpering )
- OPEN THE WINDOW!
- WHAT?!
NOT OUT OF THE FIRST
FLOOR WINDOW,
OUT THE FRONT DOOR.
HELGA, CLOSE THE DOOR
AND COME HERE.
YES, COLONEL.
OUR ENTIRE FORTUNE
IS IN RENE'S HANDS.
HE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO
KNOWS THE WHEREABOUTS
OF THE PAINTINGS.
HERE IS A GUN.
YOU WILL FOLLOW HIM
AND YOU WILL GIVE HIM
EVERY POSSIBLE
PROTECTION.
IF HE IS SHOT,
I WANT YOU TO BE
NEAR ENOUGH TO HEAR
HIS DYING WORDS.
WHAT IF HIS DYING WORDS
DO NOT CONCERN THE WHEREABOUTS
OF THE PAINTINGS?
KEEP HIM ALIVE.
SLAP HIS FACE, ASK HIM.
WHATEVER YOU DO,
DO NOT LOSE SIGHT OF HIM.
WILL I NOT BE CONSPICUOUS
STANDING OUTSIDE
THE CAFE ALL DAY,
BRANDISHING THIS GUN?
MINGLE WITH THE PEASANTS.
WEAR A DISGUISE.
IT'S AN ORDER.
YES, COLONEL.
EXCUSE ME,
IS THIS THE SECRE
HEADQUARTERS
OF THE GESTAPO?
IT WAS UNTIL NOW.
I WISH TO SPEAK
TO HERR FLICK.
- IT IS VERY URGENT.
- WHO IS IT?
I BELIEVE IT TO BE
A JEHOVAH'S WITNESS.
HE'S VERY VERY OLD,
BUT HE APPEARS
TO BE HARMLESS.
DRAG HIM IN.
AH, RENE,
SIT DOWN.
YOUR HONEYMOON
HAS AGED YOU CONSIDERABLY.
HERR FLICK,
THIS IS A DISGUISE,
AND A VERY
UNCOMFORTABLE ONE.
HERR FLICK, MY LIFE
IS IN DANGER
FROM THE COMMUNIST RESISTANCE.
COULD YOU PLEASE LOCK ME UP
IN ONE OF YOUR DUNGEONS
FOR A FEW DAYS,
UNTIL THE HEAT IS OFF?
I'M SURE I COULD MAKE IT
WORTH YOUR WHILE.
CERTAINLY NOT.
WE PICK THE PEOPLE
WE LOCK UP.
WE CANNOT HAVE PEOPLE
WALKING IN OFF THE STREET,
ASKING TO BE LOCKED UP,
JUST TO BE PROTECTED
FROM OTHER PEOPLE.
OUR DUNGEONS WOULD BE SO FULL,
WE WOULD HAVE PEASANTS
COMING OUT OF OUR EARS.
GET HIM OUT OF HERE.
HERR FLICK SAYS
YOU ARE TO GET OUT.
I AM SORRY TO HAVE
TROUBLED YOU, HERR FLICK.
OH, COULD I HAVE
MY BEARD BACK, PLEASE?
VON SMALLHAUSEN,
THIS MAN COULD LEAD US
TO THE COMMUNIST RESISTANCE.
FOLLOW HIM.
TAKE PHOTOGRAPHS
OF ANYBODY HE MEETS,
ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE
ASSASSINATING HIM.
VERY GOOD, HERR FLICK.
OF COURSE IT'S VERY GOOD.
I THOUGHT OF IT.
SHOP. SERVICE!
IS THIS A POLICE
STATION OR A MORTUARY?
WILL YOU PLEASE STOP
BONGING THE BILL?
OR I SHALL LICK YOU UP
FOR DISTURBING THE PUSS.
OFFICER CRABTREE,
IT IS I, RENE ARTOIS.
WILL YOU LOCK ME UP,
PLEASE?
ARE YOU CONFESSING
TO SOME CREAM?
YES, CREAM GALORE.
IN THAT CURSE,
YOU MUST FILL IN A FOAM.
HERE IS A LIST
OF CREAMS.
I WILL TICK
WHAT YOU HAVE DIN.
MURDER?
NO.
MINSLAUGHTER?
NO.
ROOP?
NO.
BIGLARY?
BIGLARY
WITH MINACES?
HANDBOG SNITCHING?
ARSON?
WHAT IS ARSON?
SETTING FIRE TO PLACES.
LOOK, I-- I--
MY LIFE IS IN DANGER,
SO I WILL CONFESS
TO ALL OF THESE THINGS,
AS LONG AS YOU
LOCK ME UP.
I SEE.
UNFORTUNATELY,
ALL THE CILLS
ARE FILLED
TO COPOCITY.
COULD YOU COME BACK
NEXT WOKE?
OH MY GOD.
WHY DO I PAY RATES?
HERE IS YOUR DINNER, MAMMA.
BOILED RABBIT BONE GRUEL.
UGH.
WHAT IS TO FOLLOW?
STEWED PRUNES.
STEWED PRUNES,
IT IS A TERRIBLE WAR.
OH, NOW, EDITH,
SIT DOWN AND LISTEN.
NOW, YOU REMEMBER
MY GRANDMOTHER'S CLOCK?
YOU KNOW, THE ONE
WITH THE JEWELED FACE?
OH, YOU MEAN THE ONE
THAT WAS STOLEN
FROM MARIE ANTOINETTE'S BOUDOIR
BY THE SCULLERY MAID,
WHO WAS STABBED TO DEATH
BY YOUR GREAT-GREAT-
GRANDFATHER'S UNCLE,
WHO PASSED IT ON
TO HIS ILLEGITIMATE SON,
WHO DIED OF LEPROSY
AND LEFT IT
TO YOUR MOTHER'S BROTHER'S
SECOND WIFE?
NO, NOT THAT.
I CANNOT FIND THAT ONE.
THE ONE I AM
TALKING ABOUT
IS VERY VALUABLE.
AND I HAVE SENT IT
TO BE REPAIRED.
OH, EDITH,
IT WAS TO BE
YOUR WEDDING GIFT.
OH, MAMMA.
NOW, WHEN IT COMES BACK,
I WANT IT UP HERE,
IN MY ROOM.
IS IT OF GREAT
SENTIMENTAL VALUE?
YES, IT IS,
AND I ALSO WISH
TO TELL THE TIME.
AH, UM
WE BRITISH AIRMEN,
COME FROM
THE SKIES.
SHOT DOWN.
WISH TO GIVE UP.
ARE YOU MAD?
IT'S EVERY OFFICER'S DUTY
TO ESCAPE.
GOOD HEAVENS,
IT'S CRABTREE.
LISTEN,
WEREN'T YOU SENT
TO GET US
BACK TO ENGLAND?
WELL, IT'S VERY DIFFICULT.
DON'T YOU KNOW
THERE'S A WAR ON?
LOOK, WE'VE
BEEN HERE FOR AGES
AND NOTHING
SEEMS TO HAPPEN.
TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST,
WE'RE NOT AT ALL SATISFIED
WITH THESE DE GAULLE
RESISTANCE PEOPLE,
AND WE'RE THINKING OF TAKING
OUR BUSINESS ELSEWHERE.
THE COMMUNISTS SEEM TO HAVE
MORE GO IN THEM.
COMMUNISTS, I DON'T LIKE
THE SOUND OF THAT.
DADDY WOULD LOSE
HIS SEAT.
PARLIAMENT?
WIMBLEDON.
NO, DEFINITELY
NOT THE COMMUNISTS.
HAVEN'T YOU GOT
A LIBERAL RESISTANCE?
YES, BUT HE'S IN BED
WITH THE FLU.
I AM VERY WORRIED
ABOUT RENE.
IT IS AGES SINCE
ANYONE HAS SEEN HIM.
IF THAT WOMAN
HAS SHOT HIM,
I WILL SPEND
THE REST OF MY LIFE
HOUNDING HER DOWN.
WE MUST ALL
BE VERY BRAVE
AND CARRY ON
AS NORMAL.
MONSIEUR LECLERC!
YOU HAVE NOT CLEANED
BEHIND THE BAR.
IT IS FULL OF EMPTY
BOTTLE TOPS.
I WILL ATTEND TO IT
AT ONCE, MADAME.
ALMANACS!
"OLD MOORE'S ALMANACS"!
WHO WILL BUY
AN "OLD MOORE'S ALMANAC,"
FROM AN "OLD MOORE'S
ALMANAC" SELLER?
PSST! PSST!
IT IS I, LECLERC.
NO! IT IS I, LECLERC!
WELL, I AM IN GREAT DANGER
AND NOBODY WILL PROTECT ME.
THEY SEARCH FOR ME
EVERYWHERE.
EVERY MINUTE THERE IS
AN ATTEMPT ON MY LIFE.
( Rene shrieks )
SPECIAL DELIVERY
FOR ARTOIS.
OH, HOW WONDERFUL.
IT IS TICKING.
TICKING?!
IT IS A BOMB!
NO, RENE--
YOU FOOL!
THAT WAS NOT A BOMB.
IT WAS A PRECIOUS CLOCK.
MAMMA WAS GOING
TO GIVE IT TO US
FOR OUR WEDDING PRESENT.
WELL, WHY DID YOU NOT SAY?
OH, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
( water drips )
THE SHOCK WILL KILL HER.
( pieces rattle )
IT WILL BE READY A WEEK
ON THURSDAY.
RENE, SOMETHING VERY STRANGE
IS HAPPENING IN THE STREET.
DO NOT LET THEM IN.
EDITH, MIMI, LOOK!
( barking )
THE CIGARETTE HOLDER,
TIGHT SKIRT,
THE POODLE.
ARE YOU ABOUT TO OFFER ME
A GOOD TIME? JA?
HOW WOULD YOU
LIKE TO GO
TO THE RUSSIAN
FRONT?
I WAS HOPING FOR A PLACE
A BIT NEARER.
GO AWAY.
WHAT IS YOUR GAME,
MADEMOISELLE?
THIS IS OUR PITCH.
DO YOU WANT TO GET
YOUR FACE BASHED IN?
IT IS I, HELGA.
HELGA?
I AM HERE TO PROTECT RENE
FROM ASSASSINATION.
WHERE IS HE?
HE IS HIDING IN THE CAFE.
I DID NOT SEE HIM ENTER.
HE IS IN DISGUISE.
FOLLOW ME.
OH, IT IS HELGA.
HELGA?
( toy barking )
I EXPECT THE SMOKE
IS BOTHERING IT.
SIT.
I AM WORKING UNDER ORDERS
TO PROTECT YOU, RENE.
SEE, RENE? YOU DO HAVE
FRIENDS AFTER ALL.
HELGA, YOU SHOULD NOT
BE DOING THIS.
IT IS VERY DANGEROUS.
STREET GIRLS
HAVE PROTECTORS.
THEY ARE CALLED PIMPS.
YOU MUST NOT UNDERESTIMATE
THE EFFICIENCY
OF THE GERMAN ARMY.
I HAVE A GUN.
I ALSO HAVE--
A PIMP.
( blows whistle )
THAT IS GRUBER.
PLEASE, NOT SO LOUD.
I DO NOT WISH
MY FELLOW OFFICERS
TO FIND OUT THAT
I AM RUNNING A WOMAN.
WHAT IS GOING ON?
WE ARE VERY KEEN
TO PROTECT YOU FROM HARM.
APART FROM
THE HIGH REGARD
IN WHICH WE HOLD YOU
AS A PERSON AND FRIEND,
YOU KNOW THE WHEREABOUTS
OF THE PAINTINGS,
WHICH ARE GOING TO KEEP US
ALL AFTER THE WAR.
RENE, I AM SURE IF YOU
TOLD LIEUTENANT GRUBER
WHERE THE PAINTINGS ARE,
HE WOULD DO HIS UTMOST
TO PROTECT YOU.
YOU MAY RELY ON IT.
THE PAINTINGS ARE
IN THE HEADQUARTERS
OF THE COMMUNIST RESISTANCE.
BUT, IF YOU THINK I AM
GOING LOOKING FOR THEM,
YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER
THINK COMING.
THIS PLACES ME IN A VERY
DIFFICULT POSITION, RENE.
IF I DO NOT PRODUCE
THE PAINTINGS
FOR GENERAL
VON KLINKERHOFFEN,
HE WILL SEND ME
TO THE RUSSIAN FRONT.
THIS IS QUITE SIMPLE.
WE WILL CONSIDER
ALL THE FACTS,
AND THEN WE WILL
FORM A PLAN.
LET US ALL
SIT DOWN CALMLY,
AND HAVE
A GLASS OF WINE.
MONSIEUR LECLERC,
WINE.
WE MUST NOT FORGET
THAT WE HAVE COPIES
OF THE PAINTINGS.
WHERE ARE THEY?
THEY ARE IN MY LARDER,
SAFELY HIDDEN
IN A VARIETY OF SAUSAGES,
MOSTLY KNOCKWURST.
COULD WE NOT GIVE THEM
TO THE GENERAL,
TO KEEP HIM QUIET?
LIEUTENANT GRUBER,
HOW DO YOU FEEL
ABOUT ATTACKING
COMMUNIST HEADQUARTERS
IN YOUR LITTLE TANK?
WELL, UM
TO BE FRANK, UH
FRIGHTENED.
HERE.
OH, THIS IS A VERY
GOOD VINTAGE.
IS IT
FROM OUR CELLAR?
NO, NO, NO.
IT WAS SENT TO YOU
AS A PRESENT,
WITH A NOTE
TO SAY "GOOD LUCK."
RENE HAS SO MANY
ADMIRERS.
SHALL I POUR?
GO AHEAD.
GIVE ME
THE BOTTLE.
YOU'RE GETTING
MORE ON THE TABLE
THAN IN THE GLASS.
RENE!
THAT IS IT.
THEY ARE AFTER ME.
I'M NOT STAYING HERE
ONE MOMENT LONGER.
I AM HEADING
FOR THE STATION.
( register rings )
THERE MUST BE A VACANCY
FOR A CUCKOO CLOCK SALESMAN
SOMEWHERE IN SWITZERLAND.
RENE, YOU MUST
NOT LEAVE HERE.
WE WILL HAVE TO
PREVENT YOU FROM LEAVING.
STAND BACK!
I AM A DESPERATE MAN.
ANYBODY WHO TRIES
TO FOLLOW ME,
WILL DO SO
AT THEIR PERIL.
RENE, I HAVE NEVER
SEEN YOU LIKE THIS.
ANYBODY WHO TRIES
TO FOLLOW
WILL DIE! FAREWELL.
DO NOT MAKE A SOUND.
DENISE IS WAITING
IN THE TRUCK.
SHE WANTS TO HAVE
A LITTLE TALK WITH YOU.
( old man's voice )
WHY WOULD SHE WANT
TO TALK TO AN OLD
LAME BENT OLD MAN?
CAN YOU NOT SEE
THAT I AM MY FATHER?
WALK!
AH, YOU MUST BE DENISE.
I AM THE DEAR OLD LAME
FATHER OF RENE ARTOIS,
WHO WAS SO SADLY SHOT.
TAKE OFF THAT DISGUISE.
NOW, LOOK, I--
OOOH.
I CAN EXPLAIN
ABOUT THE CHURCH.
THERE WAS SO MANY PEOPLE
WAITING TO MARRY ME,
THAT SOME OF THEM RESENTED
YOU JUMPING THE QUEUE.
SAVE YOUR WORDS.
I KNOW THE TRUTH.
IN A FIT OF PIQUE,
I TRIED TO HAVE YOU SHOT,
ONLY TO DISCOVER
THAT YOU WERE BLAMELESS.
IT IS THE WOMEN OF THE CAFE
THAT I SHOULD KILL.
WELL, OF COURSE.
YES, THEY ARE TO BLAME.
BUT IS NOT KILLING
A BIT DRASTIC?
I AM SURE THEY
WOULD APOLOGIZE,
PAY YOU NOMINAL DAMAGES.
THEY WILL MEET THEIR FATE
IN THE FULLNESS OF TIME.
NOW, HOLD ME.
KISS ME. CRUSH YOUR LIPS
WITH MY LIPS,
AND TELL ME YOU WILL
NEVER LEAVE ME AGAIN.
( garbled )
I WILL NEVER
LEAVE YOU AGAIN.
NOW, I HAVE BAD NEWS.
I MUST GO TO LYON
FOR THE PARTY CONFERENCE.
I HAVE BEEN NOMINATED
TO BE PARTY CHAIRMAN.
OH DEAR. CAN YOU NOT
GET OUT OF IT?
NO, ALL IS READY FOR ME.
THE BALLOTS
HAVE BEEN RIGGED.
THE MODERATES ARE
UNDER LOCK AND KEY.
THE DEMOCRATIC PROCESS
MUST TAKE ITS COURSE.
BUT I SHALL RETURN,
FOR REVENGE
AND FOR LOVE!
I CAN HARDLY WAIT.
A GERMAN PATROL
IS APPROACHING.
QUICK, I MUST GO.
AARGHH!
FAREWELL,
LOVE OF MY LIFE.
UNTIL I RETURN.
( theme music playing )