Ally Mcbeal s03e18 Episode Script

Turning Thirty

You're only slxteen But you're my teenage queen You're the prettlest, the lovellest girl I've ever seen Oh, my God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
It can't be.
it can't be.
It can't be.
What's the matter? Who died? It's worse than death, Renee.
It's here.
What's here? - The day.
- The day? The day.
I'm I'm, um, I'm, uh I'm thirty.
Ally McBeal Season 3 Episode 18: Turning Thirty Ally McBeal @ Korea.
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Com I just think we have to give her the biggest party on earth.
Elaine, if she hates turning thirty, I don't think a party is what She'll still want one.
Trust me.
Her dream is to have the whole world revolve around her.
For one day, we should be able to f ake it.
I've already made arrangements at the bar.
We own the band.
Oh, ex, uh excuse me? On whose dime? Richard, she's going through a tough time.
Think of it.
In her whole llf e, she's only managed to get one man to love her and he's dead.
Uh, how many men have loved you? Don't, don't count army bases.
Come on, we should do this.
I think we all could use a little party.
Forget it.
I am not going to celebrate this.
Oh come on, it'll be fun.
It's a time for joy.
It's a write off.
We No! Ally, you're thirty.
You have to celebrate it.
It's a mllestone.
I certainly plan to celebrate mine years from now.
I don't enjoy being thirty.
Okay, Nelle? Oh, come on, you've had a few years to get used to it.
Tell the truth.
I beg your pardon? Ally I happened to love smile lines.
But I doubt very much that yours arrived ahead of schedule.
What'd they call you In school, Chuckles? What exactly are you trying to say? Well, if Heather Locklear can admit she's forty, so can you.
- Forty? - Give or take, what's the big dlf? Hey, hey, hey, heyl Uh heyl What the hell is wrong with you? Oh, he called me fortyl You heard himl Ally, f ace it.
Thirty is obviously a big deal for you, but if we didn't celebrate it - you'd be offended.
- And since you've got us in the party mood.
- Oh, yeah? - No, no! No, no, no, no! Hey! Hold.
Let's, uh let's deal with that, uh, later.
Uh, next up, the Commonweaith versus Flood.
That's, uh, Mark? All right, trall starts today.
The Cookie has generously agreed to do Second Chair for me, for whlch I'm grateful.
Yeah, uh, uh, Biscuit? - Oh, sorry, Jim.
- John.
Ally, I'd like you to Thlrd Chair.
- What? - What? - We have a woman on trail for murder - Oh, no, no, no, no - I don't want to be on his team.
- I don't want a whole - I don't know anything about this case.
- army of def ense attorneys up there.
- Who is this lady? - She's a murderer.
No, she's not, Richard.
Jlm and I can handle this.
Listen, we need to occupy Ally, get her out of the office while we plan the party, so you need to say you need her.
- But I don't.
- Mark, you ever want to make partner? You ever want to have what it takes to run your own flrm? You need to learn to lie.
Now do it.
Ally, I don't see how I could posslbly try this case without you.
We should perhaps go slnce it starts in an hour.
I have an appolntment at nine-thirty.
- Oh, really, what kind of? - It's prlvate.
Thank you.
I guess I'll have to meet you at the courthouse.
Blow out the candles Make your wish come true For I'll be wishing that you love me, too Hello, how are you? Uh, you? Well, you're the Well, I, I, I'm Ally McBeal, a friend of Billy Thomas', remember? Well, you, you were his neurosurgeon.
Ah, yes.
Blew that one, huh? Uh, you also do plastic surgery? More money in plastic.
So, let us see No, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Now, I, I thought I thought that I was going to see a cosmetlc professional.
Now, are you even quallfied to do a f ace lift? Ally, It's not a brain surgery.
Plus, I'm sure it's fun to have patients who live, huh? I'm sorry.
That was uncalled for.
I, I, I just, um, apologize.
What can I do for you? Well I was thinking about, um, a little, um collagen.
I, I've heard about, um, fat injections? Not do f at.
Get lumpy.
But, but, but you do do collagen? Yes.
Uh, so I, I was thinking about these, um, these lines right here? Now, now l, I know that they're not really noticeable - and It's more of an emotional - No, I can see them clear as day.
Well, good.
You lie down, I do now.
Oh, no, I, I have this see, I have to be in court in a half an hour.
Just take minutes.
You want me do llps? Excuse me? - You have beautiful lips.
- Uh, well But, I can make a better.
Make really beautiful.
No, no, I, l, I don't want Well, they do look really great there.
Are you nuts? Why? Would it get me off? You're about to get John off.
Lorna, you can't go Into court dressed like that.
Mark You are charged with smothering a man to death with your breasts.
You cannot waitz in there flaunting the deadly weapons.
Well, this, is all I brought.
Well, then we're gonna get you something else.
I tried to tell you, this, is serious.
- The man - My husband.
- was eighty-nine years old.
- And I loved him.
To death.
That is why you're on trial.
Do you ever talk? l, uh, uh, pokip pokip Let me get you somethln' else to wear.
John, I'll shop.
You get the contlnuance.
This, is for real.
Has that sunk In? You're on trial for murder? I don't sing.
Well, we were hoping everybody would do something.
I have a number.
What a surprise.
Oh, Nelle.
I'm sure you have some talents, however hidden.
Oh, I do, Elaine.
It's called focus.
With concentration, I can pretend the little people in the world don't exist.
Too bad I'm not focusing now.
How about drama? You could reenact your breakup with John Cage when he got stuck in the elevator, you cold-hearted, cunning, conniving bitch.
This, is why I don't get along with secretaries.
Amounting to nothing makes you hostile.
Oh, you want to see me hostlle, Nelle? I think you should go practice your number.
Oh, and Elaine? Remember to forget your underwear.
It takes attention off the f act you don't really sing too well.
I, I can't go out looking like thisl It'll go down.
No, I, I, I can't.
I Oh God.
Oh, drain them.
It's not collagen.
It's swelling.
One hour, you look just fine.
Oh, my God.
Uh, it barely noticeable already.
Uh, you just emotional.
This, is noticeable! No one will know but you.
After examining Mr.
Flood's body and reviewing medical records I determined that the cause of death was asphyxiation due to suff ocation.
Were you able to determine the cause of the suffocation? Yes.
The deceased's alrway was forclbly occluded by the breasts of the def endant.
How long would a person's mouth and nose have to be covered before they would suffocate? After about three to four minutes, the body would go llmp and continued lack of oxygen would result in a coma at about seven minutes and death would occur somewhere between ten to flfteen minutes.
In the three or four minutes before the body goes limp, what would happen? Resistance.
So, Henry Flood would be struggling for air for three to four minutes? Absolutely.
What happened to your llps?I What's going on? Um Um, nothing.
Your Honor, could we have a short continuance? Co-counsel's eaten some bad shell fish or something Ally, I'm concerned.
McBeal? Step up here.
I'm fine, Your Honor.
The court asked you to step f orward.
And why are you covering your f ace? Uh, I'm, I'm f anning it.
It, It's hot.
Drop the plece of paper.
What have you done to yourself? Look, I am only Thirty Chair.
Third Chair.
I'm not really needed and I'm gonna remove myself from this f ace.
Case It's her birthday.
Uh hey, hey, guys.
Uh how's the how's the case? Oh, f ast.
We can get it in all today.
Oh, excellent.
Uh, Mark, bad news.
Well, maybe not.
We have a flrm tradition.
For birthdays, we draw a name out of a hat and one of us has to get up at the bar and and sing.
We drew your name, spark.
What? I don't sing.
Uh, well, yeah, you do now.
Short little number.
Keep it sweet.
What to drain? You heard me, suck it outl Ally, it get better once.
No, no, I have decided to go with my own natural lips, okay? Oh, that's a big mistake.
Look, just suck the stuff out now.
You make me sad.
Oh, oh, oh, come on.
Do She took advantage of an old man.
Why do you say that, Ms.
Flood? My f ather met her at some benefit.
Two weeks later, she was living with him.
Are you accusing her of some lmproper influence? Of course I am.
She began to block access to him.
My siblings and I were barely able to communicate with our own f ather.
Objection! - I'm sorry.
- No, go ahead.
- No, no, you were first.
- Please? Counsel.
The truth is, Ms.
Flood, that you barely communicated with your f ather even bef ore Lorna was in the picture.
That is very much not the truth.
I called him.
When you wanted money.
No! I called to see how he was.
He offered the money.
Move to strlke.
That's a lie.
Excuse me? I haven't flnished my direct examination.
I thought you were done.
Didn't you? - Yeah.
That was my impresslon.
- Well, what else do you have? - Hey! - Mr.
Your Honor, I stlll don't know why this witness was called unless to get in the obvious bias against my client.
But why would the prosecution - Objection! - Mr.
I only have one more question, then I'm done.
This, is dlrect examination.
He isn't done.
You don't get to cross untll he is done! You're upset with me.
Sit downl I was born to love, and my poor mother worked the mines I was raised on the good book Jesus tlll I read between the lines Now I don't believe I want to see the mornln'.
Goln' down the stony end, I never wanted to go down the stony end Mama let me start all over Cradle me, mama cradle me You want to find God? Yes.
And what made you think he'd be here? Well, this, is a church, and people who believe in God go to church.
So, why would he be here preaching to the cholr? Shouldn't you be embracing my decision? Based upon what you've told me, no.
Look, I'm sick and tired of people turning to God for the answer, just because they've turned thirty.
No, l, I am not looking for answers.
I, I just God may be a woman.
Did you ever think about that? What If "He" were female? - What's your point? - My polnt is you could just be looking for a man.
Having stuck out on earth, you're turning to the Heavens, why not start at the top? What? What, what what kind of a wacko Mlnister? I, I, I, I mean, I'm here looking for my holy savlor You're here because you have a void in your life.
Is it spiritual? is it emotional? it could be just sexual.
And if that's the case Oh yes, I'm looking to make love to Hlm.
My friend, Mary, says he's amazing in the hay.
You're looking for a husband, not God.
What If you found some guy last week, would you be here today? Or might you be in a motel somewhere calling out God's name? Mark? Let me talk to her.
He's not running a Lonely Hearts Club.
Tell her that.
You tripped a Minister.
Well, what he said to me He has a real peeve about women only needing the Lord between relationshlps.
Why should he care the reason? Is he right? is this about you turning f orty and not having a man? I am turning thirty.
And what is so damn wrong about feeling empty because I don't have a partner? And And and what is so pathetic about wanting to have a f amlly and raise children? And you don't get to do any of that until you meet Mr.
Penis Head.
So forgive me for coming to church in search of some guidance, f alling that compasslon.
As Henry Flood's attorney, you were responslble for his estate planning? That's correct.
And did you have occasion to make any changes or amendments to Mr.
Flood's estate shortly before his death? Yes, about a month prior to Henry's death he and Lorna came to see me about Increasing Lorna's inheritance.
Lorna had previously signed a prenuptlal agreement that llmited the amount she could Inherit.
- And you changed that? - I did.
But it was against my better judgement.
I tried to talk to Henry privately, but Lorna insisted on being present.
Thank you.
Henry wanted the changes, because he was tlred of his chlldren taking advantage of him.
Didn't he even say that? No.
My mistake.
But you wouldn't have made any of the changes Lorna asked for if you suspected Henry Flood lacked the capacity to make the decislon, would you? 'Cause that would be improper on your part, wouldn't it? Would you or wouldn't it? What is your answer, sir? - I'm confused.
- Confused? You're being used as a prosecutorial witness to convict a woman of murder and you sit here confused? - Objection! - Oh, plpe down, Mr.
Chase! Mr.
Cage, don't be telling opposing counsel to pipe down.
This, is my courtroom.
I apologize, Your Honor.
I was merely attempting to distract you from his unruly objection.
Shiplett, It remains true, does it not, that If you suspected Ms.
Flood of having any undue influence you, as a good and honorable attorney, would have refused to execute any changes in the will which cause my client to inherit.
True? At the time I executed those changes, I had no inkling she planned to kill him.
That's not the answer I was looking f or.
Uh It's not that I'm against singln' a song, Elaine.
It's just that I'm not singin' backup for you.
I'm not asking for you to sing backup.
I just - Elaine.
- I'm not.
I'm just saying that we do it together.
I think that would mean a lot to Ally.
I take a verse, you take a verse.
Nobody sings backup.
We're both equals.
Ally will love it.
I'd better not be singin' backup.
You're not.
When I was just a little girl I asked my mother what lies ahead Wlll I find rainbows, will I find love? Here's what my mother said Missing your youth a little, huh? The Mlnister was right.
I want to find God 'cause deep down I'm hoping he's single.
It can't be that bad getting older.
Well, easy for you to say.
You never had to do it.
You know what's getting me? My twentles may turn out to be the best years of my life and I have nothing to show for them.
Now that isn't true.
Is that all you're gonna say? I was so hoping you'd be more profound, dead.
I can't keep letting you appear like this, you do know that? I don't have the power.
You do know that? Woe It's me.
I should just tap my ruby sllppers together and take charge of my life.
Is that what you've come to tell me? That and Happy Birthday.
I'm not a performer, Elaine.
John, nobody's singing.
Nelle won't, Richard won't.
It's her thirtieth.
Okay, I'll tell you what.
I'll let you take my allotted spot.
Really? No.
It's not good enough.
Elaine, I don't do birthday parties, and I'm running late for court.
I thought you said she was your best friend.
Well, does that mean I have to sing about it? Well, it means you should do something.
I bought her a wonderful card.
- Oh gee, great, that's - Look, Elaine But think of what your life was before she got here.
What is that supposed to mean? Forget it.
Look, you didn't even know me before she got here.
Doctor, do you recognize what is depicted in these photographs? Yes.
These are the photos taken of the bite mark on Mrs.
Flood's left breast In the examining room that day.
And could you determine how old the bite mark was? It was a fresh bite, no more than twenty-four hours old.
Did you ask her about it? Yes.
She said her husband probably bit her while she was sleeping.
She said she didn't feel it.
- Do you believe her? - No.
A wound like that, the pain would have woken her up.
Anyone ever bite your breast, Doctor? - Objection! - Withdrawn.
Pain thresholds can vary from person to person, correct? Yes.
But And the skin was barely broken in this case.
I mean, the bite we're talking about here was superficlal.
Not some deep flesh wound, right? Yes.
And some people sleep more soundly than others, right? - Oh, come on.
- You can't know with any degree of certainty whether the bite would have woken her up, can you? Given normal nerve ending sensation, It's extremely unlikely she didn't f eel it.
Are we in trouble? Bite mark isn't good, I won't lie to you.
Lorna, it might be time to consider a plea.
- What? - it doesn't look good.
He suffocates in your breasts, you have a bite mark.
There's something I should probably tell you.
What? Lorna, what? I actually got that bite mark earller.
What do you mean, "earller"? Earlier that day.
Why didn't you tell us this? Because it wasn't Henry who bit me.
Is it real? is it f ake? Is this game of life a mistake? 'Cause when I've lost the love I thought was mine, for certain - I knew itl - Some What? You got me singln' backup? You're not singing backup.
You sing the second verse.
And you take the first one? So what? There's no difference.
Then I'll sing the first verse.
Renee, why are you being such a problem? Because I know you, Elaine.
I'll end up being chorus.
You sing the whole second verse, for God sakes.
You have just as much solo as me.
This, is supposed to be for Ally, Elaine.
Not you.
I know that, so She'll be havin' a better time with me singin' lead.
Neither of us is lead.
We're equals.
It's a duet.
He liked to nuzzle in when we went to sleep.
Nuzzle In? My breasts.
He liked to just snuggle in there with his bold head.
I think it brought him comf ort.
And, uh, this, is the way you two fell asleep? Yes.
And when I woke up in the middle of the night, something was wrong.
He wasn't breathing.
And I called nine-one-one and I tried to resuscitate him, but he, um he had suffocated.
And you weren't aware that that, uh sometime during the night that, that they, they uh, they had, had happened? No.
Now, Lorna, uh, you told the police that Henry must have bitten you in your sleep.
That wasn't the truth, was it? No.
And, and I regret ever saying that.
Well, why did you? Because I was afraid the truth would hurt me.
What was the truth, Lorna? I had a lover.
And we'd made love earller that day, and it was he who bit me.
Settle down.
Who was the man who bit you, Lorna? His name was Arturo Sandlvol.
He's actually arrived.
Oh, could you polnt him out for the court, please? He's right there.
This little man right here is the person who bit you? Yes.
So this talk about loving your husband that was a lie, wasn't it? No.
No, I loved Henry.
So, you just had physical needs that only this tiny little man could fulfill? Objection.
Henry knew about Arturo.
I told him.
Oh, he did? Well, why didn't you tell the police? Because I knew how It would make me look.
So you lied.
Well, I You lied, didn't you, ma'am? Objection! - Go ahead.
- No, you.
- You were first.
- Please.
Flood, you did lie, didn't you? Yes.
Ally? Lisa.
I came to apologize.
You're not wrong for wanting to meet and f all in love with Mr.
Penis Head.
Uh Thank you.
You have to forgive our minister.
We just did a recent survey and seventy percent of our single congregants join church to meet somebody.
He's frustrated.
Well, it's a lonely world, Lisa.
I thought you were over Billy.
I was.
I am.
But he He was stlll maybe my best friend and the only chlldhood friend that I kept.
And and as I see my youth sllpping away and losing the one connection I had to it, I I don't know.
I, I I just don't do well with birthdays.
I hear they're throwing you a big party.
They're trying.
Why don't you just sit back and let them? Sometimes you gotta let the world be a party.
You came here to say that? Actually, yes.
You were there to tell me what I needed to hear once.
Now I'm tellin' you.
How about you come to my party then? Any cute guys? So I sing you to sleep after the lovln'.
I brush back the hair from your.
eyes And the love on your face Is so real that it makes me want to cry And I Ally.
Just workin' on my closing.
John's doing the closing.
I must have forgot.
Uh uh they, they're playing a joke on you, Mark.
There was no drawing out of a hat.
it was flxed.
They they want to get you up on stage to embarrass you.
It was sort of, um um, an Initiation thing.
Anyway, I find it a little mean, so I'm just gonna tell them that you already gave me a private performance In your office, okay? Okay.
Uh, Ally? Nobody here likes me, do they? Well No, that isn't true.
No, we all do.
It's, It's just that, um Well, you know, this, this place is, is very Close-knit.
Well, it's just as well.
Saves me time really.
I have to get to court.
Thanks again.
You might say why not wait for him to die? The guy was eighty-nine.
How f ar away could death be? Well, the problem is she needed him to pass away bef ore he changed his mind.
Before he realized it was all about the money to her.
Henry Flood was not so feeble that he couldn't have moved Lorna Flood slightly so he could take a breath.
He could have turned his head.
A person suffocating would have done so.
He had to have been held.
Three to four minutes pressing herself against his airway.
This was no accident.
This was a murder.
She lied to the police.
Come on.
How likely is it for a person to accldentally suffocate under another person? You hear about that accident all the time, don't you? Oh, yes.
And we hear about breast suffocations frequently, too, don't we? Were there any bruises or marks on his neck and shouiders? Now, she had to have been holding him pretty tight.
And an eighty-nine year old person would bruise.
And consider this why would Lorna Flood knowing that she had this bite mark on her breast choose that night to smother somebody? That would seem pretty Ill-conceived, wouldn't it? I mean, why not just wait at least until the bite wound healed? And, yes, she lied about who bit her.
She was afraid that It might seem Incrlminating If she were caught having an affair.
Why would a vibrant young woman marrying an older man? Had to be after him money.
She couldn't posslbly love him.
Had to be about greed.
Well, I tell you what it's your right to believe that, if you're so inclined.
You're free to conclude that she was just a gold dlgger.
She was never really in love with him.
Free to say that she was an adulteress.
I mean, she was having that affair.
But a murderer? You're not free to conclude that, ladies and gentlemen.
Certainly not beyond a reasonable doubt.
Now their whole case was innuendo and a bite mark.
We've shown you somebody else bit her.
That leaves innuendo.
And ladies and gentlemen, you can't convict with that.
No, you can't.
Hey life, look at me I can see the reality 'Cause when you shook me, took me outta my world, I woke up.
Suddenly I just woke up To the happening When you find that you left the future behind 'Cause when you got a tender love, you know, take care of then you'd better be aware of the happening - One day you'll know - One day you'll know - when you turn around - when you turn around - You'll find your world - You'll find your world - Is tumblln' down - Is tumblln' down It happened to me, and it can happen to you I was sure I felt secure, untll love took a detour Yeah I'm finding I'm on top of the world It happened, suddenly it just happened I saw my dreams torn apart When you walked away from my heart And when you lose the Well, we've got trouble here.
I don't like this.
lnside you The happening Now I see life for what it is - It's not a - It's not a dream - It's none of this - It's none of this It happened to me, and it can happen to youl Is it real? is it f ake? Is this game of life a mistake? Oh, when I Bitch! I knew you would do thisl This, is f abulousl Somebody could get hurtl To me.
Happy Birthday, Ally.
Where's the party? Easy now.
Is it swollen? Not as bad as Ally's lips.
It's, It's fine, Elaine.
I can't believe it.
I try to celebrate in a style of your birthday and she turns into an animal.
You stepped on my verse, you hog.
- I did not.
You jumped in.
- All right, all right.
The song is over, you were both great.
Can we just get by it? Um, could I have your attention? Uh, I'm very nervous, so If I st st stutter well, it's happened, so the pressure is off.
Um, on this the occaslon of Ally's thirtleth birthday Um, I thought Well, I mean, those of us who know Ally, know her to be very old.
Uh, uh, uh, very odd.
I, I I very odd in a special way.
And, uh, I am, as well, so It's, it's symbolic that I step into the spotlight and actually sing a song because Ally's the person who well, brought me out.
Um, before I knew her, I was, uh, a bit of a recluse.
Um, a lawyer savant.
And, uh, she somehow convinced me, I'm not even sure how that people who are somehow dlfferent should not only come out, but can In f act, take center stage.
So, Ally, here I am.
I'm center stage, here to sing for you.
I plcked something from "The Music Man," which I know is your f avorite.
And, uh, Renee is here to, uh, help me with some of the notes that I can't hit which there may be, uh, uh, quite a few, actually.
So, uh, Renee? All right, Renee.
Yeahl Why does she get to help? Shh.
- Calling me a hog.
- Shh.
To my best friend.
There were belis on a hlll, but I never heard them ringing No, I never heard them at all tlll there was you.
There were blrds in the sky, but I never saw them winging No, I never saw them at all tlll there was you And there was music, and there were wonderful roses They tell me in sweet fragrant meadows of dawn and dew.
There was love all around But I never heard it singing No, I never heard it at all tlll there was you Tlll there was you! You've gotta be kidding.
It was for Ally.
Where were you? We do birthday parties, too.
Foreman, have you reached a verdict? We have, Your Honor.
Will the defendant please rise? What say you? In the matter of the Commonweaith versus Lorna Flood on the charge of Murder in the First Degree we find the def endant, Lorna Flood Not Gulity.
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen of the jury.
Case dismissed.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
Mark? Thank you.
You're welcome.
It really was an accident.
Do you care? You have to understand, Lorna.
With an acquittal, it doesn't matter.
Okay, you get his hug, too.
Thank you.
Much confusion Happiness is just an Illuslon Darling, reach out Reach out for me - Reach out - Reach out for me I'll be there with the love that will sheiter you I'll be there with the love that will see you through When you feel lost and about to give up 'Cause your best just ain't good enough.
And you feel the world has grown cold And you're trlppln' out all on your own Hi, Dad.
Yeah, I got your messages.
Thank you.
Yeah, I had a great day.
The gang threw a party at the bar.
Huh? No.
No, it was fine.
It It wasn't tough, really.
I I didn't think about him that much.
Normal day, you know.
I, uh You know, um I gotta go.
I'll call you back, okay? No, I'm I'm fine.
I just, uh I have to go.
They keep bringln' me up.
They forget they liked you.
It's a tough day to be alone.
I'm not alone.
I had a whole room full of people.
You know, they all, uh It was just great.
I'm not alone.
Walk you home? Uh not tonight.
Never mind the forecast 'cause the sky has lost control 'Cause the fury and the broken thunders.
come to match my ragln' soul Now I don't believe I want to see the mornln'.
Goln' down the stony end, I never wanted to go down the stony end Mama let me start all over Cradle me, mama cradle me again
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