American Dragon: Jake Long (2005) s02e07 Episode Script

Hairy Christmas

Only 2 more chopping
days till Christmas.
A tribe
of angry sasquatches
ain't pretty
and it's going to
get a lot uglier
if they
don't find that
little fuzz ball.
Oh! Hey there, kids.
This is tamerican dragon
hokey holiday special.
Like all holiday specials,
it's about family,
bla bla bla, and all that
other sappy garbage.
Ok. Let's get on
with the main titles
before I hurl eggnog all
over the snow right here.
He's cool, he's hot
like a frozen sun ♪
He's young and fast,
he's the chosen one ♪
we're not braggin' ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
He's gonna stop
his enemies ♪
Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burnin' dragon fire ♪
A real live wire ♪
American dragon ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
His skills are
gettin' faster ♪
With grandpa,
the master ♪
His destiny,
what's up, g? ♪
It's showtime, baby,
for the legacy ♪
I'm a dragon,
I'm not braggin' ♪
American dragon ♪
I'm the magical protector
from the N.Y.C. ♪
American dragon ♪
And I know 2 guys having
a rougher morning than me.
Just woke up alone
in the big city.
Sure, he looks peaceful now,
but just wait for the
[Cow mooing]
Aw, man.
Every year.
Rise and shine,
my festive family.
Moo-ey Christmas all.
It's time to crank up
the holiday ho ho meter.
Oh, come on, dad.
Can't we do Christmas
with some fresh beats?
We're talking ho ho ho ♪
My homies and my honies
and some mistletoe ♪
We're rolling
down Broadway ♪
Like a jingle
all the way ♪
But if Santa rides by ♪
We're going
to Jack his sleigh ♪
Sorry, Jake a roonie roo,
bjingle bells barnyard
is a family tradition.
Jumpin' Jack frost,
it is snowing.
My record!
What happened?
Um lightning?
I'll download
a replacement.
Legally, of course.
I got it!
Oink, oink bells ♪
Oink, oink all the oink ♪
Jake, you're not
wearing your special
Christmas sweater.
Do I have to?
Oh, sweet mother
of mistletoe, son.
It's a family tradition.
I know but this year,
what say,
we try out some
new family traditions?
What's wrong
with the super duper
ones we have now?
Uh nobody else is going
to see this, right?
Just family and 500
of our closest friends.
Ok, everybody,
hit your noses.
So, check it this year,
I say we go long family
Christmas, the remix.
And in with us hittin'
the holiday block party.
It's going to be
off the hook.
Oh, oh, a block party.
That sounds perfect.
It does?
For some period costume
Christmas caroling.
No, no, no, no.
Not the caroling.
I get to play
the littlest angel.
It's like art
imitating life.
It's the day
before Christmas.
You must have
the saddest face
in the city.
4 calling birds ♪
3 French hens ♪
2 turtle doves ♪
And you know,
a bird and stuff.
[Man coughs]
Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo!
shake your presents
like you want to know
what Santa got ya.
It's a hip-hop holiday, yo!
[Hip-hop music playing]
Knock off
your noise pollution
or I will have you
all toasted
like a Christmas
schnocken streudel!
What would?
He seems really mad.
I told you
you were off-key.
The nerve of some.
Witnesses say the baby
gorilla apparently vanished
right after this
footage was taken.
Gorilla, my lederhosen.
That baby is a sasquatch
and I am going to prove it.
Well, that was
just the right shot
of holiday spirit
Trixie and I needed.
Right, baby?
Mom, we got
to get to the store
for dad's eggnog.
Your dad?
The colonel's home?
Honey, we talked
about this.
Your father
just can't make it.
He'll be here
for new year's.
I promise.
But it's just
not Christmas
without dad.
Hank and the other
pilots are still stuck
in Greenland,
unless they can de-ice
his plane by tonight.
Ho ho!
Happy kwanzaa,
And blanastavia fig harvest!
Spud, what are
you wearing?
Festive, is it not?
Between all my cousins,
aunts, and uncles,
I got relatives observing
every major holiday.
gifts and snackalicious
treats for moi.
Figgy pudding,
and Nana spudinski's
famous fruitcake.
That fruitcake looks
like a football.
Tastes like one, too.
The holidays rule.
Now, let's go a-caroling.
We wish you
a merry Christmas ♪
And a happy new year ♪
Well done.
Festive yet melancholy.
We rock.
I smell an encore.
I mean, perhaps
you should go before
you catch my cold.
Pops, why don't
you guys go Carol outside
while we help gramps
get back to bed?
Good call, son.
Hey, but don't
dilly dally, ok?
The tradition train is
pulling out of the station.
Chuga chuga whoo whoo!
A sasquatch in New York?
Sasquatchs are
peaceful by nature,
if they think it will help
them find their lost baby.
Don't sweat it, g.
I'll find
the little guy.
The baby's tracks have been
spotted around the mall.
You must return
it to its tribe
if we hope
to avoid a disaster.
Time to heave ho,
ho ho hoers.
Hey, pop, you mind if
we wrap up the caroling
and hit
the mall instead?
Why, Jake, it is
like you unwrapped my brain
and saw my mind.
This is so not
what I meant.
Why don't you ask Santa
for some diapers?
Ha ha ha ha!
Come out, come out,
wherever you are,
Mrs. Sasquatch!
Your special cloaking
powers are no match
against the wits
of a trained mytho-biologist.
Time to lure him out
with the special sasquatch
mating call.
Get them off!
Oh, get them off!
Off! Off! Off!
Oh, come on, Jake.
Don't be shy.
Tell Santa
what you want.
You know
what I want
for Christmas?
To get away from
my wacked family
and their
stupid traditions!
Oh, so you're
just too coolie cool
for your own family.
Right, Jake?
Dad, look.
I want you
to decide
how do you want to spend
Christmas Eve?
Or crunking
the night away at some
hippy hoppy block party?
What's it going
to be, mister?
Sorry, dad.
I got to go.
Well, that sure didn't
go how I thought it would.
Jake, you ain't
have to go off on
poppa dog like that.
At least your dad's
around for Christmas.
That is so
not the spirit
of the blanastavian
fig harvest.
Every year it's
the same stupid--
Hold up.
Just keep it slow and
calm and we got him.
You are mine now,
I told you that was
a sasquatch on TV.
There it goes!
Wait! Oh!
Oh, man.
Oh, you're back.
Well, let me catch you up.
Through the gift of song.
Oh, baby sasquatch
is running ♪
The hunts yahoos
are chasing ♪
Oh, oh ♪
But ratwood's tracking is
somewhat less than amazing ♪
Jake's crew is
on the hunt ♪
But they're losing
the trail and ♪
[Coughing, mumbling]
Sweet Santa's dreidel!
The tracks just disappeared.
Not spending the holidays
with their pops.
Cheer up, trix.
Have a chocolate coin.
It puts the chocolate
in chanukah.
It's baby!
It's got to be
in here somewhere.
Man, and I thought
jingle bells barnyard
was annoying.
Oh, did you now?
Dad! Mom!
What are you
guys doing here?
To leave on the roof
for Santa's reindeer.
But I guess you
wouldn't care about
anything that wack.
Maybe Jake came
here to apologize
for ruining Christmas.
I was just trying to cut down
on the lameness factor.
That's all.
I really--
Get your filthy
mitts off me!
Really got to go.
Ear of the dragon.
No! Wait!
I can explain.
You can explain
why you were
spreading raw meat
all over
the second floor?
I thought it was tinsel?
He's somewhere
on the second floor.
I think I just found
ratwood's bait.
And I just found the baby.
Hairy white one
on the right.
I want the hairy white one!
It's my toy!
Mine, mine, mine, mine!
Hey, look!
He's getting away!
So if we can't
get the sasquatch
for the huntsman's present,
what do you think?
Betty bunsen
brownie burner or
Potato patch buddy?
Oh, the Betty bunsen.
No contest.
Check it out!
The sasquatch.
Hold up a second.
Let's think about this.
You'd be looking
for a shelter that
felt like home. Right?
So, where do
sasquatches live?
[Rim shot]
Thank you.
I'll be here
all week.
They live in the trees.
We have to go poke
around every tree
in central park?
He's a bigfoot, Jake.
The trees
in central park
are way too small.
He'd want to live
in something
Trix, you're a genius.
Come on.
Crowd: And 5, 4
We're too late. Look!
Crowd: 3, 2, 1!
Now, this is what
I call a wicked,
sweet ride.
Yeah. Old santy claus
hooked us up real good.
2 hunts losers
are a lot easier
to catch than
one baby sasquatch.
Believe me,
it could be worse.
Sweet mother
of lamancha.
You were right.
Aw, man.
Dragon up.
Hang tight, guys.
Let me talk to 'em.
Jake: Yo!
Hey, airballs!
But you're going
to have to chill
on the smash and crash.
You feel me?
Uh, jakie, they
ain't feeling you.
Ok. So let's hear
our other options.
Well, there's not enough
of my Nana's fruitcake
to go around,
so I guess I'll just have
to keep them occupied.
Spud on ice.
And jazz hands.
Ouch! Tough crowd.
Would you mind
controlling that little
hair tornado back there?
Me? Man, why don't
you get your--
Get your sorry--
Oh, let's see
how he likes these
Christmas goodies.
Take that
and that
and a little bit
of that there!
What the--
We got us
a Christmas two-fer.
The huntsman's gonna--
Hey, the Chinese
new year number
isn't until later
but keep dancing.
The audience
will never know.
[Jingle bells playing]
Suddenly, I'm really missing
that reindeer sweater.
That was some
world-class skating.
How are they
not impressed by that?
Hold fast!
I got an idea!
Hey, yo, hairball.
I've got your baby.
Trixie, I think this
is a really bad idea.
Well, you better come on!
Jakie, whatever you doin',
you better do it faster.
We're approaching
the rendezvous point.
Man, send us
a helicopter
'cause we just got us
a big foot.
Come on, jakie.
Where you at, boy?
Whoa! They don't come
any closer than--
Everybody ok?
Things are about to get
really hairy around here.
What happened?
Can't move.
Nose itches.
Ok, then.
Time to show
these hot scrooges
what Christmas
is all about.
Nana spudinski's
Take the baby!
Got ya.
Here you go.
Safe and sound.
Oh, man.
And I'm completely
out of fruitcake.
Uh, thanks.
Trix, you ok?
I'm just happy somebody
got to be
with his family
on Christmas.
Eggnog smoothies on me.
How does that sound?
I hate eggnog.
I know, but I never said
I liked drinking it.
Ooh, and the smell,
playa, please.
But my daddy
loves that nasty stuff,
so every year,
we make it together.
It's like
some kind of
Family tradition.
Come on, trix,
let's get you home.
And take care of one
last Christmas present.
Could you drive me
out first though, Jake?
I got to meet my folks
for the holiday fig feast.
Merry Christmas,
baby girl.
I hope
you don't mind.
I got started
on the eggnog without you.
I thought you were iced in
at the base in Greenland.
How did you
It was the strangest thing.
One minute,
the plane was frozen.
The next minute, something
flew over the base
now, I never knew
Santa's reindeer
could breathe fire.
Thanks, jakie.
So, how am
I doing so far?
Oh, yeah.
Now that is delicious.
You guys really didn't
have to wait for me
to put the star on.
Sure, we did.
It's a family tradition.
Sorry I was such
a grouch yesterday.
And I'm sorry
if you feel
our traditions
are a little,
oh, how did you
put it, wack?
They're not wack.
Ok. Maybe they are,
but you know what?
They're our
wack traditions.
open presents.
You know, I guess
it wouldn't hurt
to shake things
up a bit.
Hey! How about
we find something
other than
barnyard jingles
to listen to?
For real?
This is the best
Christmas ever.
It's jungle
jingle bells.
What do you think?
Oh, man!
Did I tell you a story
sweet and sappy enough
to put on your Christmas
pancakes just like eggnog.
That's vile.
Merry Christmas, kids.
It's the sasquatch
family crooner's
holiday sing-a-long.
You'll get all your favorites
like deck the halls.
Good king wenceslas.
And, uh, silent night.
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