American Dragon: Jake Long (2005) s02e11 Episode Script

A Befuddled Mind

What? What in the cuckoo
are you doing?
In case you forgot,
we have a standardized
test to study for.
If you must know, I, too,
am planning for my future.
Yeah, uh,
how's that exactly?
My guidance
counselor reviewed
my academic records.
It suggested I was
most suited to a career
as a street performer.
I'm stuck in a box.
This box has four walls.
I can't get out.
I'm starting to panic.
Ok, mimes don't talk.
I'm just a beginner.
It takes years before
you can create a wall
you know, your guidance
counselor would be singing
a different tune
if she knew how smart
you really are.
Why don't you
actually try
on tomorrow's
test for once?
I only need
to fail 57 more tests
to complete my answer
bubble ode to DaVinci's
last supper.
Spud, why are
you so afraid
to let anyone know
you're a brainiac?
I'm holding on to a rope.
It's pulling me
out of the room.
If that boy would
just show everyone
what he can do
with that head of his.
Oh, and I don't mean
that dancing bowtie
trick he does
yeah, then he wouldn't
have to roll through life
as a mime.
You may now kiss the bride.
Tomorrow's test determines
what honors classes
we can take next year,
and honors classes
get you into college,
and a good college
means a good job.
So, I'm going
to do spud the biggest
favor of his life.
I'm gonna make sure he
finally gets the props
he deserves
by getting him to take
the test for real.
My academic
standings could use
a little juicing.
Mind acing
my test for me?
I'm behind a wall.
I'm opening a door,
and I'm giving you
a thumbs up.
And, begin.
Now remember, eyes forward,
number 2 pencils only,
and if your in need
of the restroom facilities,
too bad for you.
The first perfect
standardized test score
in the history
of Millard Fillmore
middle school.
Our own resident
genius is
[No audio]
I'm yelling No!
He's cool, he's hot
like a frozen sun ♪
He's young and fast,
he's the chosen one ♪
we're not braggin' ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
He's gonna stop
his enemies ♪
Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burnin' dragon fire ♪
A real live wire ♪
American dragon ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
His skills are
gettin' faster ♪
With grandpa,
the master ♪
His destiny,
what's up, g? ♪
It's showtime, baby,
for the legacy ♪
I'm a dragon,
I'm not braggin' ♪
American dragon ♪
I'm the magical protector
from the N.Y.C. ♪
American dragon ♪
Oh, for the love of all
that is superior,
German girdles,
and the women who wear them,
this can't be.
Dang, it's been like
a day and a half.
You think he'd be
over it by now.
I always thought if
I showed my noggin
and all its
nogginating glory,
my life would change
like, shabaam,
but so far
it's like, totally
Agent brainerd from the
Manhattan genius institute.
I'm here for--
The elite two-week boot
camp for brains?
Well, I assumed
you'd want to recruit me
to teach there,
but you've come faster
than I expected. Yes.
Oh, hotvash schmortban.
I'm going to teach
at the genius institute.
No. I'm here for one
Arthur p. Spudinski.
You must be mistaken.
Look at him.
What? In my book, a clean
toe is a happy toe.
Mr. Spudinski,
may I have a word?
This is a mistake.
The machine,
it malfunctioned.
I'm sure of it.
Mr. Spudinski, your test
score is very impressive.
So impressive, we're
offering you a place at the
Manhattan genius institute.
The what?
The genius institute?
It's a two-week program
designed to cultivate
the brightest minds
in the tri-state area.
But I've got no mullah
for the schoolah.
I mean, so unless
I can pay tuition
in pocket lint
and pre-chewed gum,
I'll have
to respectfully decline.
Your tuition
will be covered by an
anonymous benefactor.
Your parents
have already signed
the paperwork,
so it's settled.
I expect to see
you tomorrow morning
at the institute.
Got to tell you
professor rot, dude,
I'm pretty upset
about it myself.
Youvishdiagi ooh.
We got a little
dragon emergency.
That someone's stashing
a powerful magical
artifact down here.
We got to find it
before it ends up
in the wrong hands.
In other words, the usual.
Speaking of usual,
that's how
I like my life.
Same old, same old.
But now,
thanks to someone,
who shall not be named,
my existence
is careening off
spud, don't you think
you're over doing it
just a tad bit?
Once you get labeled
a smart lass or laddie,
life is all work
and no play.
My pops taught me that
when I was but a babe.
And that son,
in a nutshell, is
trickle-down economics.
You're too smart
to laugh at that
kind of broad,
slapstick kind
of humor, mister.
All I'm saying is,
I like my life just
the way it is.
Yeah, tragic, kid,
but if we could get back
to saving
the magical world, huh?
Yo, what is that?
Uh, hard to say
for sure, kid,
but if memory serves--
[electric surging]
Not yours.
Now, step away
from the box and maybe,
just maybe
I'll let you all live.
What's a lying,
cheating, evil wizard
doing in a place
like this?
Ah ha ha ha.
But it will take more
than flattery to stop me
from taking what's
mine so that I can--
Oh, let's see,
what was that again?
Take over the magical world.
Sorry, pandarus,
but the only world
you're taking over
is a world of pain.
Dragon up.
I'd love to stay
and chitter chat,
but I've got
big plans,
world domination
and so forth,
so, I'll have to let
my minions' fists
do the talking.
Time for a little
Minion mashing.
I'm throwing a brick.
It's having
no apparent effect.
I'm running for my life!
Watch out
for that third rail.
'Cause it's
about to get hot.
This is what I call
my blindside move.
[Grunts] Ha!
So hard to get good
help these days.
Ta-ta, dragon.
Aw, man.
Pandora's box.
Locked within,
is an evil,
of unspeakable horrors.
What does pandarus want
with a big old box of bad?
Only direct descendents
of pandora are capable
of controlling
the evil locked within.
Hmm. Pandora,
Ha! Pandora,
No, actually I was thinking
those would make good names
for a brother/sister team
of crime fighting pandas,
but related? All right,
I'll go with that.
If pandarus
can control the evil,
why didn't he just
open up the box
when he had the chance?
But we must find out
before it is too late.
Yeah, well,
I'd love to help you
but I start my
internment at the genius
institute tomorrow.
Genius institute?
[Laughing hysterically]
[Speaking Chinese
and laughing]
Thanks for walking me to my
first day of geniusizing.
There's no place
I'd rather be right now.
Except on a date
with Kyle Wilkins.
I'd sell my mama
down a river
for a date
with Kyle Wilkins, ok?
I mean, if fine was a crime--
Yeah, and I just wanted
to say, you'll see.
Life doesn't have to be
all play and no work, or
all work and no play.
See ya later.
And I'm sorry
I switched the tests, yo.
We're gonna miss you.
Hi! I won the
national spelling
bee when I was 7.
So, what's your specialty?
I do an awesome mime
rendition of road rage.
I'm getting in my car.
Someone cuts me off.
I honk my horn
and yell at them.
Honk, honk!
Hey, you!
Where you going?
Mimes don't talk.
I am just a beginner!
Students, welcome
to the genius institute.
Tomorrow we begin
to test the depths
of your intelligence.
All right!
[All talking at once]
With the world's most
extraordinary young minds.
Take each face in
and ask yourself,
"who amongst us is the one?
The smartest of them all."
Yes, you have a question.
No, I'm flying a kite,
and the wind
is very strong.
That's right.
And when I find him,
he'll be mine forever.
A few minutes
before I do away
with the little bugger.
[Maniacal laughter]
Hey, trix, check it.
According to this journal,
pandora's box was modified
with an enchanted lock.
Maybe that's why pandarus
hasn't opened it yet,
because he doesn't
know how to.
That was out by a mile.
Uh, what are you watching?
It's the mime channel.
But I can't
help missing our
little mime boy.
Yeah, I miss him, too.
"I" before "e,"
except after "c."
You two are goin' down.
These tests are
for superior intelligence,
not annoyance.
So, hello,
I'm gonna win.
You guys want to know what
it is I do better than you?
I bet you that I can fail
out of here in one day.
And I'm going
to have fun doing it.
On purpose?
It's impossible.
No true genius
would do that.
It's against our nature,
oraison d'etra.
Mmm, I had a raison bagel
for breakfast.
We will now begin
the advanced intelligence
The student who builds
the strongest laser wins.
Most impressive, ira.
Arthur spudinski!
Ready to rock.
Oh, and you might
want some earplugs.
[Loud electric
guitar playing ]
Wo'ow, wo'ow,
wo'ow, wo'ow ♪
My fingers
are goin' ♪
And we melt, fall to
the ground exhausted ♪
I've given my soul
to the gods of rock.
Pronounce me worthy.
Well, spud.
That was very loud.
Next, we will test your
knowledge of chemistry.
I don't know, but I think
I'm allergic to it.
I made some frothy
purple stuff.
Oh, ahh.
What the--
Ohh. Oh,
Mr. Spudinski,
are you sure
you received an
invitation to m.G.I.?
Yep. Oh, and
Mrs. Grumplestock?
Dig the beard.
Mr. Spudinski, I don't
know how you cheated
but I won't stand
for it any longer.
When you fail it,
your time at the genius
institute is over.
And his control
over pandora's box?
No, but I did find a video
of a guy standing too
close to the business end
of an elephant.
"That's a whole
lot of peanuts,"
is all I can say.
Jakie, this is pointless.
Spud's the computer
genius, not me.
Hold up, wait a minute.
We used to get the scoop
the old-fashioned way.
Believe you me, if pandarus
is up to something,
somebody here'll
know about it.
Nothin' but net.
Can someone
get me some water?
Thanks, I was parched.
Look who's
at the end of the bar
and a grudge,
by the looks of it.
This milkshake,
it's like life.
So sweet until the chips
get stuck in the straw
a round of brownie delights,
and keep 'em comin'.
Eli pandarus' sidekick.
Am I right?
Yeah, until he gave me
my walking papers.
Why don't you tell
fu all about it.
Pandarus dropped me
like yesterday's news
and took over the Manhattan
genius institute without me.
To unlock the code
for some box he has.
He's been funding the world's
greatest scientists,
but they haven't
been able to crack it.
So, he decided
to see if a fresh,
new mind could do it.
And thus, m.G.I.
Problem is, the
poor sucker who does it
is going to be
in serious trouble
when pandarus gets
his hands on him.
You failed me.
Your assignment was
to find the one
without having
to reveal the code.
Now, I have no
choice but to show
them the templates.
Just remember,
if no one cracks it,
you'll spend
the rest of your
life as a toad.
And an ugly one
at that.
I won't fail you.
This is our final
placement test.
I don't want you
to feel pressured,
but it will
determine the rest
of your life,
whoever cracks this
code is the one.
We will now begin.
But I never fail.
Ah, the humiliation.
Oh, the tables
have turned.
This code has cracked me.
Oh, no.
No one cracked the code.
You all croaked,
I mean choked.
I have one
final lesson.
Always be kind to toads.
Hey, ho.
Over here.
I haven't
tried it yet.
It's clear
you don't belong at
the genius institute.
Why don't you pack your
protractor and leave?
Told you I could
fail out of here!
It's obvious.
He's not a real genius.
You guys are
the reason I don't want
to use my noggin.
Who wants to be a
stressed out type "a"
who forgets to be a kid,
'cause they're
so busy trying to be
perfect all the time?
Oh, I do!
All work, no play,
all play, no work?
There has
to be a balance.
That speech would be moving,
if you really were a genius.
Ok, I'll prove it.
Your code is easy.
I mean, it might seem hard
if you're looking
at it in 2-d,
but in 3-d it's like
taking candy from a baby.
I don't see it.
You just have to take
every fourth derivative
of the dangling participle
of the 10th letter
of every sixth--
Oh, I'm sorry. What?
No one's with me here?
You're the one.
Wait, aren't you like,
totally evil?
Again with the flattery,
but it won't work.
Ha ha ha ha!
[Alarm blasting]
Jakie, I'm telling you.
There is no way
we're going to be able
to stealth
our way in with you
all dragoned up.
Hold up.
I got an idea.
Tail of the dragon.
Come on, follow me.
Jakie, lose the tail.
Ah, yes.
Than executing a plan
to take over the world.
True, and I'll have
to take your words for it.
You see, pandora's box
was missing for years,
has been passed
down through my family
for generations.
My father and his father
before him were never able
to find anyone
who could crack it.
Now, all I need is
for you to finish the code
and I'll finally
have my army to take over
the magical world.
[Evil laughter]
Really good
evil laugh, dude.
Oh, chills.
But what makes you think
I'm going to help you?
[Wimpy evil laugh]
My laugh of evil
needs a little work.
A moment, please.
All the time you need.
Manis atmovayo
mohair motem!
Ah! Ok! Ok,
I'll read your curse.
I thought
you might say that.
Flip the outer handle,
turn the lock 14 degrees,
then unseal the 6 latches
and you're good to go.
Too late dragon.
Nothing can stop me now.
Guess again.
Who wins in a fight
between brains and brawn.
Too bad for you
I've got both.
Uh! Uh!
And too bad for you,
Mr. Spudinski.
I have no use
for you now.
Spud, hang on.
Huh! Huh! Ow!
Could someone
give me a hand?
Oh, wait.
I already did.
[Jake grunting]
Was this the kind
of hand you needed?
Or was it this kind?
Oh, I'll give you a hand.
Now, what was it?
Medas atmovayer
moovayer mootam.
That's not right.
Mantis atmovayer
movayer montam.
Nope. Last try.
Manis atmovayo
mohair motem.
I won't
be sticking around
for the big finale.
We couldn't get through
two days without you,
ah, you're crushing
my spine a little bit,
Oh, sorry.
Come on,
give spud the love.
You know you wanna.
Come here.
Ok, ok.
I'm giving you the love.
That's what
I'm talking about.
Teaching my new buds
over here you can be
smart and have fun.
An average speed
of 15 miles per hour down
a 47-degree angle
Spud, I'm sorry I pushed
you to do something you
didn't want to do.
Sometimes a kid
needs a little push
from his friends.
Whoa, ha ha! Yeah!
Truth is, I was wrong
to hide my noggin.
It felt good, like
I was being challenged.
And I wouldn't
have done that if you
hadn't believed in me.
I mean, I was even
thinking of taking
some advanced classes.
That is good to hear, spud.
That I'm thinking maybe
the life of a mime,
not so much
the life for me.
A famous scientist?
Ooh, a mathematician?
No, I'm thinking maybe
I'm more of a one-man
band kind of dude.
Aw, man.
Aw, man.
Spud, I'm going to show
you a number of images.
Just blurt out whatever
it is they remind you of.
Oh, I know, that's a monkey
riding a unicycle.
Mmm, this one's a little
harder to decipher.
It's a stinking monkey
riding a unicycle.
Nope, sorry,
just not seeing it
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