Arrested Development s05e13 Episode Script

The Untethered Sole

1 [RON] Now, the story of a wealthy family who lost everything, and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together.
[THEME SONG PLAYING] It's Arrested Development.
- [FILM REEL CLICKING] - [PLAYER BEEPS] [LUCILLE] Gotta avoid the sun.
Right there.
Sorry, Gob.
Looks like there isn't gonna be enough for you.
I never should have done Lindsay first.
Lindsay's having a widening spurt.
Please, I don't need any suntan lotion.
Dad never wears any.
Yeah.
And he's doing fine in the lady department.
- [LUCILLE CHUCKLES] Oh.
- [GEORGE SR.
] Well, Buster doesn't know what the hell he's talking about! I think Buster was actually talking about Mom.
Oh, yes.
No, uh I thought you were talking about recent Yes, thank you.
Yes, she is, uh She is quite the beauty.
You kids have a lot of competition for this year's family pageant.
Who is going to be Mr.
and Mrs.
Bluth 1982? [LUCILLE LAUGHS] Oh! [LINDSAY SIGHS] It's always you guys.
- [CHUCKLES] - [LINDSAY] We don't have a chance.
Well, that's the downside of having a mother who never ages.
It must be something in these cigarettes.
It doesn't hurt that you guys are the judges.
- They are? - You guys are the judges? I knew this day would come.
- Maybe it is time.
- [SIGHS] Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, okay, uh Kids, your mother and I have discussed it, and you're all old enough now to actually impress us, so we're out of the running.
[LUCILLE] But that means you need to step up your efforts in the talent portion.
I already know what I'm doing.
And it can't just be push-ups.
[STAMMERING] Yeah, it won't just be push-ups.
[LUCILLE] So, good luck, everyone, in the pageant.
I'm sure you'll all be thin by Thursday, Lindsay.
- [GEORGE SR.
] Out you go.
- Although, not so fast.
You have to wait until your brother Buster's hooked up.
Oh, come on.
He still has to wear that dog collar? It's not a dog collar.
- It's Buster's Gentleman Collar.
- Gentleman Collar.
And he barely even knows it's there.
[BUSTER] Yeah, I barely know it's - [GRUNTS] - [CHUCKLES] Well, he's grown a little.
[MICHAEL] Hey, wait.
You're in your suits already? I thought you were gonna wait for me before you went swimming.
It's not my fault you're so greedy for a paycheck.
I was covering your shift.
- Oh, yeah.
Pay up.
- [MICHAEL] Too late.
I already spent your pay on this.
[MUSIC SWELLS] You bought me a dorky, lame, stupid, gay magic kit? What? No.
This is for me.
I got it for the Mr.
Bluth Talent Pageant.
This is gonna be my talent.
Does it come with that bird? No, I gotta get a bird.
But I'll get a bird.
[BUSTER] Can I see? [GRUNTS] Almost there [MICHAEL] Didn't Buster used to get past the window? [GOB] Mom tightened it when he tried to put that starfish in his mouth.
Yeah, but he's had a good summer.
He's made friends.
Actually, Mother made the friend for me.
So I named it after her: Lucille Ball.
Is anybody else worried she's ruining us? [BUSTER] Take that back! You take that back! - We're normal! We're normal! - [GOB] Okay.
Down, down.
- [MICHAEL] Easy, Buster.
Easy, boy.
- [LINDSAY] Sit.
Okay, well, you guys wait for me.
I'm gonna go change into my suit.
I would say wait for me, but it might be a couple of years.
Hey, uh, Michael [SIGHS] I think Buster wants to go take a swim.
[BUSTER] I do! I've never even got my suit wet from the outside.
And I'm looking to turn that around, buddy.
[MICHAEL] If you're talking about Buster going into the ocean, that is a terrible idea.
Besides, Mom puts that stupid collar on him every time he puts on his bathing suit.
No.
Not every time.
He doesn't wear it during the swimsuit competition of the Mr.
Bluth Pageant.
Sit.
By the way, guess who it turns out the judges really are? It's not Mom and Dad? Magic is for girls.
And your bird's gonna die, Michael.
And when it does, it'll go back to whence it came.
[SIGHS] Back to whence it came.
[FILM REEL CLICKING] [PLAYER BEEPS] [RON] The Bluths were waiting for information from Michael and their attorney after having made the news again.
[JOHN] Viewers, it was the graphic scene behind the graphics that caught the attention of a sharp-eyed viewer who saw something and said something.
On the top of a stair car the police are calling a "vehicle of interest," an alleged man, now identified as Byron Buster Bluth, can be seen dropping a large person-type thing into the water below.
Police think this may be a clue to the disappearance of Lucille Austero, with whom the suspect had a long and rocky relationship.
Mr.
Bluth was arrested last night in an elevator in Newport.
It seems the Bluth Family [RON] And the family found themselves in the last place they ever expected to be: a police station.
I never seem to get an end seat.
This is what happens when you're rich and white in America.
You happen to be caught on video, dumping some large person-type thing into the bay, and nobody thinks, "I wonder how long that guy has been working for the real killer?" Yeah, and they jumped right to "He's the killer," and then don't think to add: "but it's nice he's giving the help the night off.
" No, they're jealous.
They are jealous.
And they won't stop until one of us is a murderer.
Today, it's Buster.
Tomorrow No, I guess it'll stop today.
- Today's the last day.
- [GEORGE SR.
] Come on.
Let's all get on the same side here.
We need to be all together on this.
Yeah, I I think that's a wonderful idea.
And really, we're just asking this Asian gentleman and his wife ? To move over to that group of chairs there, freeing up the end seat, which I would love to take a shot at sitting in.
[MICHAEL] Okay, it is not great news.
[TOBIAS] Sorry.
To finish the thought, that would free up this whole area of seats for us.
From the "If You See Something, Say Something" poster - to the payphone.
- Tobias, please.
- What did you find out? - My friend spoke to the DA's office, and my lawyers were able to reduce my sentence to time served.
Bad news? I can't spend any time with anybody under 25.
About Buster.
And they officially charged him with murder.
First degree.
- Mm - [LUCILLE] First degree? - They don't even have a body.
- [MICHAEL] Yes, but they have his fingerprints and her blood all over the stair car, which was supposed to be missing in Mexico.
[RON] In fact, it was a picture of the stair car at the border that dismantled the DA's case by showing the missing victim along with Oscar alibi and what we [RON] that Michael had used to get the DA to release Buster from jail in the first place.
- We did.
- [RON] And even though the picture turned out to be just George Michael and Maeby dressing up as two of their heroes before abandoning the broken-down truck in Mexico, the forensic evidence on a stair car that served as the crime scene Okay, evidence guy, we're done.
of the conjectured murder was kept safely out of the country Because you don't know DropBox? That's not my job.
[RON] as was Oscar, who wasn't with Lucille 2.
Because that's the evidence [RON] But who, after hearing news that Buster had been arrested, went to the vehicle he'd hidden away after finding it abandoned weeks earlier, before driving it back into the States - to pick up his son, Buster - [WHISTLING] a man who would soon be implored by his magician brother to help him conceal the secrets - of a magic trick.
- body-shaped thing.
- What is that? - [RON] It was only after doing so that Oscar decided to be the latest Bluth to abandon a stair car, unfortunately doing so in a parking spot that had only recently been assigned to evidence supervisor Eddie Cantrow.
- Evidence parking only.
- [RON] Who, before realizing that he was looking at damaging evidence against Buster, - reacted poorly - [GRUNTING] damaging the evidence against Buster.
- Son of a bitch! - [RON] In fairness to him, it had taken him a super long time to get a decent parking spot that he didn't have to walk, like, a mile from.
[MICHAEL] Unfortunately, someone tampered with the evidence.
But, look, even without it, they still have the video of him dumping something in the bay that night.
And And did he say what it was that he dumped? Or who gave him whatever what it was that he dumped? Or where that guy, not the first guy but the second guy who gave him what he dumped, got what it was that he dumped? [BARRY CHUCKLES] Not this time.
No, we we didn't have him say anything.
I said, "Don't say a word.
Put on your poker face.
" [RON] Although Buster's poker face didn't really make him look like less of a murderer.
- [BARRY] Poker face.
- [LAUGHS] [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS] [LUCILLE] How could this be happening? Buster couldn't have done this.
I raised him totally by the book.
Mom, you had him on a leash until he was six.
[LUCILLE] Well, if that leash screwed him up so badly, why does he still want to wear it? Guys, it's not time to play the blame game, okay? Even though they do say, in most cases, something happens in childhood and, usually, the person that raises them is to blame.
- But that's experts.
- [LUCILLE] I see.
Don't you try to pin this on Lupe.
She had her own family to raise, too.
[MICHAEL] Boy, Mom brings up a very good point.
No one should say anything publicly about this.
- I should speak for the family.
- [TOBIAS SCOFFS] - You? - [MICHAEL] Mm-hmm.
- Who said it should be you? - [MICHAEL] Well, I'm in the family, and it's gonna be crazy.
It's gonna be a media circus, Tobias.
Then I should be its ringmaster.
[RON] In fact, Tobias would've taken any job at that moment, as his current living arrangement was tense, indeed.
[INSTRUMENTAL VERSION OF "THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND" PLAYING] [RON] Something that is really only clear without the quick editing and carefree score.
Who did that? Who did that? - I was trying to be funny.
- [TOBIAS] Yeah? How 'bout I put your head through this glass table? How funny would that be, young man? Oh, try it, Dad! I would so [BLEEP] love that! - I did not raise you to say the F-word! - Everybody's tired! We've all had too much pain medication.
[MAEBY] There were six.
There were six in here.
Who the [BLEEP] took 'em? - Why would you take these? - I didn't take 'em! - How dare you, young lady! - Hey, stop yelling! - I hate it when you guys fight! - I've had enough of all - of you guys.
Hey.
- I've had enough of you.
- I'll break her neck.
- [RON] Let's get that music back on.
["THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND" CONTINUES PLAYING] As you see, it's latex, so it can go right up your ass.
[TOBIAS] Someone from this family needs to speak for Buster.
Who is Buster Bluth? A young, one-armed, Iraq War vet suffering from PTSD, raised by a young mother who had him at 17, whose only flaw was that she loved him too much.
Actually, I was 37.
Well, no one would believe that.
- You're hired.
- [MICHAEL] No, you're not.
Mom, - I'll handle this.
- [LUCILLE] Oh, Michael, let's be honest.
Every time you handle things, they're mishandled.
Yeah, your mom's right.
I mean, lately, you're just doing everything badly.
- Yeah, Dad, nail his ass.
- [TOBIAS CHUCKLES] I'll pile on to nailing that ass, Dad.
S So, now that we've gotten Tobias completely ruled out as ringmaster, maybe we can talk about Buster and maybe getting him a lawyer.
Oh! I should have led with this.
I have been officially disbarred.
I can't handle Buster's case or anybody under 25.
Saves me an awkward conversation.
I think we need to get Buster the best criminal lawyer available.
- Looking for the best? - Yeah.
Well, if you're looking for the best, there is only one group to go to.
They're called the Guilty Guys.
[RON] In fact, they were five of the most prestigious attorneys in Orange County.
There was Anita Bramwell, a researcher as tough as a prosecutor, whose photographic memory was the perfect complement to her photogenic good looks.
When it came to writing briefs, Garrison "Harvard" Sweet was as elegant on the page as he was clumsy on the dance floor.
But in both cases, he wasn't afraid to step on a few toes.
Trained by the FBI in forensics, Shara Winfield not only knew the science of law, but the laws of science.
She was an expert who wasn't afraid to get a little DNA on her.
With a state supreme court justice as a father, Jack Griffin had more to prove than most upper-tier Dartmouth law students.
He wasn't too proud to take money and a country club membership from his parents.
But he made it to the top of the list by being just that good.
And hailing from the mean streets of Oakland comes a lawyer raised by a single mother who taught him the meaning of justice, Jesus, and when to not follow the rules.
David G.
"G-Man" Barnes cared about but one thing above the law: his beloved Raiders.
These five professionals had a perfect record defending real criminals who'd done real crimes.
Together, they were known as the Guilty Guys.
And I think I might have gotten Jack and David mixed up.
[BARRY] Very expensive but very, very good, especially if you're guilty.
He's not guilty.
Then I would go with the cheaper option.
[LUCILLE] Unacceptable.
We want the best.
Well, how are we gonna pay for that? We don't have any money.
It's all tied up in Fakeblock.
Thanks, Michael.
"Thanks, Michael"? How 'bout a little thanks to the guy who drove the stock price up and ended up screwing over those other guys? Who ended up being us.
Thanks, Michael.
Fakeblock's got nothing to do with this.
Thanks, Michael.
That's right.
Because when we sell Fakeblock, we give the money right back to the Chinese before they get angrier.
Angrier? I didn't tell you, but they left a message saying that they hope their gift was enough to "get us back on our feet.
" They're They're threatening our feet? [TRADITIONAL CHINESE MUSIC PLAYS] You don't think these Chinese would first try to, I don't know, - ding your credit rating? - [LUCILLE] It's their culture.
Dusty was right.
I will say this for Saddam Hussein.
With him, you didn't have to guess.
It was very direct.
"I'll chop this off, I'll chop that off.
" Right.
With him, you knew where you stood.
Or Or couldn't.
[LUCILLE] Well, the Chinese clearly know we spent the money.
We're gonna have to sell Fakeblock, so we can find a way to build the wall.
Guys, we we're not selling Fakeblock, okay? We're gonna be able to find the money to pay for these great lawyers, all right? I've already identified a couple of assets that we can part with.
Yeah, anything, Michael.
We should sell the beach house.
This is why we never told you about the beach house, Michael.
[GOB] Uh, can I add something? This is why we never told you about the [BLEEP] beach house.
Let's roll.
[RON] Days later, Michael was back at the office, trying to get a sense of how soon Fakeblock would be turning a profit.
Sorry, stranger, I only have time for future billionaires.
Oh, it's you.
- Bingo.
- [GEORGE MICHAEL] Uh, this this was delivered to our office by mistake.
But it says "Bluth Company," so I thought I'd bring it.
Mailman mistake, huh? Hard to believe we have those in this analog world.
Hey, speaking of that, how's it going down there? - It's good.
Yeah.
- Yeah? Gob has been on lunch most of today.
- Most of the week - Huh.
- actually - Yeah, listen, Gob only cares about himself.
But I'm glad to get you up here, because, as I say, we need that software.
I mean, no pressure, but the lawyers are charging a lot of money down there.
- Oh, did you hire them? - Oh, yeah.
[RON] And the billable hours were coming in, as the Guilty Guys were finishing their first week of leaving no stone unturned.
- [JACK] So there's no doubt in your mind? - None whatsoever.
There's no way the killer was Ann Veal.
No match.
- That's right.
- [SHARA] DNA don't lie.
Take her off the board.
- [ANITA] Got it.
- [JACK] Run those files and our billing for it over to the Bluth Company and pronto.
[MICHAEL] I mean, Jesus Christ, $7,000 to find out that Ann Veal had nothing to do with Buster's case? Frankly, I'd ask you to bring your rich girlfriend on as a business associate, but I respect your space.
Unless maybe we give it a shot? Ship sailed on that or ? It's It's difficult, actually, because I'm trying to figure out whether her father can even be trusted.
It's difficult for me to find that balance [RON] Oh, that's not why he can't ask her.
I wasn't even going to put this in, but here's why.
You sold the company? - A little.
- You can't sell a company a little.
That's like saying you're a little bit tired.
You don't think you can be a little bit tired? My dad was gonna invest in your company.
I was gonna invest in your company.
Then, suddenly, you go behind my back and have sold it.
- You clearly don't trust me.
- I do trust you.
I just didn't want Fakeblock to get in the way of our relationship.
Well, now it's not gonna get in the way of anything.
[GEORGE MICHAEL] Anything? I mean, so it's over now? [CLICKS TONGUE] A little.
[RON] But not wanting to make his father feel guilty, George Michael kept this to himself.
[MICHAEL] I'm trying to get a timeline on when profits from the Fakeblock business and so forth start up.
But I do respect your space.
[GEORGE MICHAEL] I hope I haven't put the family - in a bind.
- Well, the family is the other issue.
Your grandparents promised to build that crazy border wall to some Oh.
Chinese.
Now they're worrying that the Chinese are gonna be upset and say Oh.
"You will pay.
" Huh.
Anyway, I said, "We're not selling Fakeblock, 'cause, I promise you, it'll make plenty of money.
" Well, you know, I'd be careful of promising even a little.
You know, some people, you give them an inch, and they take [MICHAEL] A foot.
- - [ECHOING] They're threatening our feet? [TRADITIONAL CHINESE MUSIC PLAYS] [GEORGE MICHAEL] Is it a foot now? They shortened it.
Well, what I'm saying is, finishing the software is definitely possible.
And I'm not saying I botched it, but What if it's botched? [RON] As George Michael readied himself to finally tell his father the truth about Fakeblock I don't want to talk about it, okay? What? Why don't you go back downstairs and get to work on that software floor? Shut the door on the way out.
Thank you.
Just no rush on the software, but just ASAP.
Chop, chop.
Well, not "chop, chop," not That's a bad choice of words.
For Christ's sake.
Sugarfoot [RON] Two days later, Michael, after gathering news crews to Sudden Valley, prepared to make a hastily thrown together announcement.
I think you're doing the right thing.
We want to make the Chinese happy.
Believe me, you don't want them sending your severed foot to threaten some other guy who doesn't want to build a bridge.
Yeah, I just I can't have my son in any danger.
That's why I said you should fire him.
That's what I'd do if it were one of my kids.
Did you want me to fire him for you? [MICHAEL] No.
That's nice of you.
I mean, it's not [CHUCKLES] It's not nice.
Sorry.
It's quick.
Very, very quick of you to offer, but George Michael and I are finally close again, and, uh, I didn't inherit your love of firing family.
- And certainly not him.
- [GEORGE SR.
] I know it's not family, but maybe you'll do a big layoff around Christmas.
[LUCILLE] God.
Are we already talking about Christmas layoffs? Guys, building the wall's the only way.
We took money from the Chinese investors.
I I can't sell my son's company to make good on a loan, but I think that I have come up with a work-around - to pay them back.
- So sorry to interrupt.
- Hi.
- They're ready.
I finished writing your speech about the wall.
Question.
Do you need an opening parable? It's hard to find one where the wall builder isn't, you know, starved to death by his own wall, or dies of loneliness by his own wall.
Or, of course, is crushed to death by his own wall.
Yeah.
We don't want to blow the ending anyway.
Ah.
Then you'll hate the one about the honeybee.
[RON] And while Michael didn't know if his announcement would make it all the way to China, it definitely made it as far as the model home.
- Could those be TV cameras? - [MICHAEL] There you are.
Hey, I want to thank everybody for coming out to the great Bluth Company border wall project.
[RON] Gob quickly made a call - to his former compliance officer.
- [ADHIR] Hello? Nine rings? Are you at Sudden Valley? Yes, uh, I believe you were told, although perhaps someone foolishly left a message for you at work.
It's a business event.
- [MICHAEL] Beautiful day.
- The Bluth Company.
[GOB] On TV? - Are you on TV? - [ADHIR] A local channel is televising it, I believe.
- Yes, there they are.
- [APPLAUSE ON TV] - Okay.
- [MICHAEL] Absolutely great day.
Walk to the camera, okay? - Walk to the camera quick, so I - [ADHIR] I don't feel comfortable I need you to comply and walk over to the camera! Wow, this is perfect.
Michael plans a little "work event" during the weekmid.
Right? That's just Look at me.
- [ADHIR] I can't see you.
- Comply! Look me in the eyes and tell me that Michael didn't want me to know about this because I'm the president of Fakeblock.
It's why he planned it so early, isn't it? [ADHIR] Uh, Gob, really? In fairness, it is a Thursday at twenty to four.
Exactly, and everyone knows the workday doesn't start until nine to five.
[ADHIR SIGHS] Look, I need to get back to him.
Michael's going to announce the wall.
Did he sell Fakeblock to build it? Does George Michael know? [ADHIR] No, I believe he found a way around that.
Well, I'm gonna tell him.
[ADHIR] It's a groundbreaking.
I wouldn't be concerned.
[LAUGHING] A a groundbreaking? A groundbreaking? [SOBBING] Should should should [MICHAEL] Let history not judge us for the ideology, but rather the quality of its workmanship, for we are just filling orders.
[STAMMERING] You want to You you Should should I? Should ? You want to see some ? You wanna see groundbreaking gay TV? Don't start without me.
- George Michael! - [ADHIR] Okay, but we've started.
We're in the middle of Hello? [MICHAEL] In a modern world where there are certainly more threats greater than a 34-year-old hard-working migrant hoping to send money home to feed his wife and three young future rapists.
Of course, I'm talking about the threat of cyber.
And that is why the Bluth Company acquired a new partner just for this project.
Adhir.
Thank you.
- [CROWD APPLAUDS] Wow! - Look at that.
Okay? Introducing Fakeblock.
We've purchased this company solely in order to embed its privacy technology - [GEORGE MICHAEL] What the [BLEEP]?! - into our state-of-the-art prototype wall project.
We meant to do this, folks, so nobody was deceived.
[CHUCKLES] And that's it.
[RON] And so, as Michael went to ceremonially break ground to prove that Fakeblock could build an indestructible wall To the wall! May it bring us all together.
Gob kind of made the opposite.
[CROWD EXCLAIMS] My name is Gob Bluth, and as president of Fakeblock, I have an announcement! I'm building a wall! Come back for the unveiling in two full weeks! [APPLAUSE] - Wow, that was spectacular.
- Couldn't have gone better.
[GEORGE SR.
] It's great, Michael.
I mean, it placates the Chinese, and as long as cash comes in from the software within the month - Yeah.
- we'll be able to pay the lawyers who are working on Buster's murder charges.
Come in close.
[WHISPERS] I think I'm winning your mother back.
I'm gonna stick it to her tonight.
We couldn't be prouder, Michael.
And in his dreams.
- Right.
- [GOB] Hey.
Did you see that? Did you see what I did? Did you see that? Yeah, yeah.
I had a shovel for you.
No, it's okay.
I wanted to come in hot, make a show of it.
God, did you see the look on their faces? [MICHAEL] Just when you said two weeks to the unveiling.
- Right? - And when you turned and went after them.
[WHISPERING] George Michael's coming after you, by the way.
- [GEORGE MICHAEL] What was that? - Hi.
Why would you bring my company into this? - [MICHAEL] Yup.
Listen.
- Now we have a contract to fulfill? I know that I told you you'd have time to get the software all worked out, but it is looking like we're gonna need it in a month.
- A month? - Yeah, I was hoping to stall for six, but your uncle announced an unveiling in two weeks.
The upside is, after this, we're gonna be able to free up capital, get you some tech guys.
I got some friends in mapping I can talk to - when they come up for air.
- [GEORGE MICHAEL] I can't do this.
- You can't.
- [MICHAEL] Well Tell them it's off.
Go up there - and tell them it's off.
- That's the other thing.
I mean, there is no more "up there," um, and and and look, I I cannot call it off.
But I'm the one on the line.
I'm the only one who needs to lose feet over this sleep over this.
You just need to make the software.
I should have told you, but, it just seemed like something that you might have a knee-jerk overreaction to.
[CHUCKLES] I can tell you what your grandmother would do.
- Um - You're fired.
[MICHAEL] She does go right there, but obviously I don't think that you would go that far.
You have more shares than me, - so you could fire me.
- I just did.
Yup.
This is how it ended for the honeybee, as well.
[RON] And that's when Michael decided he deserved to use what was going to be You're fired.
the Christmas present he'd been saving for his mother.
On the next Arrested Development I'm growin' up, find my way - - [RON] Buster becomes - one of 2015's biggest memes.
- - - Livin' large, who's in charge Yes, you are, superstar That's the only way I can - - [RON] And The Guilty Guys have another breakthrough in the case.
None of the other witnesses even saw him near the stair car.
The mud should have splattered up on his shoes.
Tests say no wear of any kind.
[JACK] But how does he commit a crime with no mess, then? Guys, guys, guys, this fits with the fact that he can't walk.
And has been carried everywhere he went, damn it.
[ANITA] Which means what, G-Man? He couldn't have committed this crime.
- In any way.
- [JACK] Get that box of evidence - over to The Bluth Company with the bill.
- We have it.
[RON] As they clear a man They're billing hours.
Get our time sheets in.
who had died two years earlier.
[JACK] Attention: Michael Bluth, kid, stat.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]