Battle Creek (2015) s01e02 Episode Script

Syruptitious

I'm a senior detective with the Battle Creek Police.
We are forced to make do with substandard and out-of-date equipment.
Great news.
We're getting help.
Our loss Battle Creek's gain.
Good riddance, you miserable sack Big smile, big laugh, you love it here.
Big smile, big laugh.
I love it here.
Detectives Russ Agnew.
Milt Chamberlain.
Hi.
He has asked to have someone team up with him.
Me.
Why me? I think you get lucky.
Not because you trust people but because you're just really good-looking, man.
Oh, thank you.
In my experience, when you trust people, they-they trust you.
Have you actually met people? You can't be a cop and be this naive.
It's just not possible.
I agree.
Oh, hey.
Holly.
- Huh? - Seriously, what, we can't afford water? Well, the snack budget's really tight, and, uh, everybody's really tearing through those single service coffee packets, so, yeah, I had to make the hard call.
Back this way.
Easy with those they're pricey.
Where you want it? Look at that.
Milt gets original art, and we get counterfeit water.
Hey, Culligan Man.
- That's funny.
- Some hunters just found a dead guy in the woods.
In the rain.
Evidence recovery is gonna be a bitch.
You and Font go see if Milt's busy.
That's what the FBI is here for, Russ, to help us.
Unbelievable.
Hey, psst.
What are you doing? Guz said get Milt's help.
No, she said to see if he was busy.
Look at him.
That Minecraft world is not gonna build itself.
Let's go.
We got a murder to solve.
We live in Michigan, where it rains, like, every other day.
How much can proper rain gear really cost? Maybe it'll lighten up.
He's got no bullet wounds or stab wounds to the body.
He's got a small gash behind the head, but it doesn't appear to be a fracture, so a blow to the skull didn't kill him.
So what did? If we could figure out who he is, then we'll be halfway there.
You know what? If we need Milt for that, then we're pathetic.
Eddie Floss.
Well, Edward, actually.
And, Russ, I don't think you're pathetic at all.
What are you, a magician now? Yeah, I did do some magic back in high school, actually.
I saw you guys arguing outside my office in the reflection of my iPad, so I asked Commander Guziewicz what was going on.
She seemed to react angrily to that.
Anyway, she gave me directions to here.
And on the way out, I saw a car stalled back up the way.
So I obviously stopped to help the driver.
Obviously.
But the car was abandoned.
So I looked inside and I I found this wallet in the glove box.
Whoa, whoa.
Hold on a second.
Look at this.
Got a fine white froth coating his mouth.
This victim was drowned.
The wife did it.
I mean it.
Isn't it always the spouse? I mean we should probably get evidence and everything.
The victim was dragged to the woods and tied to a tree, Niblet.
That's somebody trying to send a message.
I'm thinking this guy probably ran with some bad dudes.
He probably - has a record, which could point us - No.
He has two traffic citations in the last five years.
That's it.
$1,400 in a savings account.
Paid his credit cards off monthly.
His last credit card purchase was Emmett's Emmett Street Diner, just after 7:00 p.
m.
the night before last.
Sorry.
Funk, you and Niblet head over to Emmett's, see if we can find out who our victim was with - and if he left alone.
- Drowned in a lake? Or drowned in a pool? The type of water in his lungs could help us narrow down where the attack took place.
Russ and Font, go talk to the medical examiner, see if she can differentiate what kind of water was in the lungs.
Time is not your friend during a homicide investigation.
Come on.
Let's go.
Hey, buddy.
Why are you still sitting there? Come on.
If I stand up I'll puke.
I've got that spotty vision thing real bad this time.
Means I'm gonna have a debilitating migraine in about ten minutes.
I'll power through it.
No, no, no.
Don't be silly.
I know how bad a migraine can be.
Do you have drugs or anything that you can take to help? Yes.
You should go get them.
Russ and I will head down to the morgue.
He said he could power through.
The man needs his medicine, Russ.
Thanks.
Look, if someone reaches out, it doesn't make you lesser to take their hand.
You want to hold my hand now, Milt? Is that it? No, metaphorically.
Bite me.
Metaphorically.
Oh, okay.
So I see.
Y-You're either too prideful or too stubborn.
Or you just don't like me.
Which is fine.
But you shouldn't let it get in the way of accepting my help on your cases.
You're right.
On the other hand, I don't know you.
I don't know why you were sent here.
Because you won't tell me.
It's not that I don't like you, Milt.
I just don't trust you.
Why is everything so low? Better question: - why are you so high? - Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't realize you were a little person.
Don't apologize.
People apologize to me way too often.
- Sorry.
- Our M.
E.
Meredith here somehow convinced the department to have everything retrofitted a few years back.
Hey, Mer, how much did that cost? - About ten grand? - 12.
And I convinced them using clever arguments like "the law says," "don't make me sue you," or "kiss my tiny little ass, Russ.
" Hey, look, I'm all for civil rights, too, okay? But I'm also for Tasers that actually tase and proper rain gear - and clean drinking water.
- We get it.
The department's broke 'cause I'm a little person.
No, the department's broke because you're a stubborn little person who refuses to stand on a milk crate.
I'm sure that Meredith is well worth whatever it took to make her happy.
Hi.
From your demeanor and cheekbones, I'm guessing that you're Milt.
The ladies upstairs were right.
If anything, they understated.
Hey, when you two are done, could you, uh, please tell us what kind of water this guy was drowned in.
This is odd.
What is it? It's viscous.
Smells almost sweet.
Guys, this isn't water.
I think your victim was drowned in maple syrup.
I have fallen from the steepest mountain Okay.
Hawaiian Big Bud.
80 bucks.
This was $45 last time.
Well, you must've just gotten an eighth, and we're all out of those.
So take a quarter, cut it in half you'll have two.
Look, man.
These are prescriptions.
You go to your local Walgreens and ask for half an Oxy? Hell, you go to your local Wendy's and ask for half a cheeseburger? Our bud comes prepackaged.
You want it or not? Holly, I need to notify the next of kin.
Do you have that woman's contact info? Uh, where's Font? Uh, he went home early.
You know, migraines.
Oh.
Wait, you don't think I can tell the wife that her husband died? I-I think usually Font does it.
I can be sensitive.
Okay.
You know what, let's practice.
Okay.
Pret-Pretend that I am her.
I've obviously been worried sick all night 'cause my husband has not come home.
Probably been crying, expecting the worst.
And then, uh, you knock, a stranger, probably a cop.
All right.
I-I open the door, filled with dread.
I am a total mess.
This-this may very well be the worst moment of my entire life.
And then you say? Good afternoon.
I'm Agent Chamberlain.
This is Detective Agnew.
We need to speak with Neysa Floss.
I'm her dad.
I assume this is about Eddie.
Hey, I'm Emmett.
You wanted to talk to me? How can I help you? You had a patron here last night.
His name was Edward Floss.
Was? Did-did something happen to Eddie? He called me around 8:00 last night, said he got in a fight with Emmett.
Said he wanted to cool down before he came home.
But he never came.
I wouldn't call it a fight, exactly.
It was more like Eddie punching me a few times - and me accepting the beating.
- What did you all fight about? Eddie sold syrup to Emmett.
A lot.
Until yesterday, when-when he told Eddie that he had to switch suppliers.
That the cartel was putting too much pressure on him.
Cartel? There's a maple syrup cartel? I know.
It sounds crazy.
But those guys are in charge of all the distribution of maple syrup in the entire Midwest.
Like OPEC for oil.
They poisoned my trees, cut my tubing, physically assaulted me.
I was ready to just shut down.
But Eddie said he'd stand up to the cartel.
And he did.
Actually did great.
At first.
Built his own sugar shack in his garage, got in new equipment.
The cartel wasn't happy about me buying from Eddie.
I came into work one day, and they smashed my window.
Eddie begged me to do the right thing.
I told him that sometimes the wrong thing was the right thing.
Kind of went from there, and ended up with him hitting me.
Okay, how do we know you didn't follow him out after he hit you? Look like a pacifist in front of the customers and then get your revenge in the woods after? Emmett didn't kill him, no way.
They've been friends since grade school.
I was in the E.
R.
getting these.
Look, I got beat up for being a coward.
Eddie got killed for being brave.
It was the head of that cartel.
Julio McFarland.
Julio McFarland.
Good afternoon, Your Honor.
We are here investigating the murder Aren't you Agent Chamberlain? Yes, sir.
The guy who comes into town and gets front-page headlines on his very first case? I wasn't looking to distract from I heard about you from Justice Scalia.
Hold on a second.
Supreme Court Justice Scalia? Scalia said to watch out for you.
That he can't leave you alone at the three-point line.
Said you were deadlier than Ray Allen at that distance.
What can I do to help you today, son? Well, Your Honor, with regards to the Eddie Floss murder investigation - You need a warrant? Give me a name.
- Uh, we'd like to search a storage warehouse owned by Julio McFarland.
McFarland.
Makes his money in syrup.
Exactly what evidence do you have that he was mixed up in a murder? The victim was drowned in maple syrup, Your Honor.
And the victim's wife and former business associate have reason to believe that Hearsay.
We also have dozens of complaints of intimidation Complaints? Any actual convictions? Charges even? - Well-well - Bring me some actual evidence, and I'll reconsider.
Why are you smiling? Am I? I'm just wondering if this is the first time you've ever been turned down for something.
You do realize my failing to get that warrant affects you, too.
Oh, no, I'm upset about it.
But I'm a complex person, capable of many emotions.
McFarland's coming out.
Hey, where are you going? We need evidence.
I'm gonna go see what I can see.
You'd better see what you can see from this side of the fence, or anything you see won't be admissible.
I'm gonna go where I have to to see it, and then I'll figure out how to see it from back here.
Shh.
Uh-oh.
- Ow! - Just stop squirming.
The doctor said to change the dressing every three hours, and I'm not letting it get infected.
Emmett from Emmett's Emmett Street Diner's story checks out.
He was in the Dang! Hey, you want to see the scar I got when I laid my motorcycle down last year? - Shaylene says it's hot.
- Yeah, well, your fiancée and I have wildly different ideas of what's hot.
My wife has this amazing anti-scar cream she used for her C-section scars.
I think she still has half a tube if you want the extra.
I'm never having children.
The car that dumped the body drove past a traffic cam at 12:40 a.
m.
No good angle on the driver, but I got plates on a semi that drove through a couple minutes after.
This is good.
Everybody is working, gathering evidence.
Legally obtained, court-admissible evidence.
McFarland killed a guy in that warehouse, and if we don't get a warrant, he's gonna get off free, okay? I think we need to do a sting operation.
A sting? We're still talking about syrup, right? What if it was meth? We'd go undercover and make ourselves bait.
We'd pose as syrup suppliers, new in town from Vermont.
And then we'd undercut the market and move in on McFarland's turf.
That's what we'd do if it was meth? We take away enough of McFarland's business, he's gonna hit back, and then we're gonna have all the evidence we need to get a warrant.
All we need is a bottle of Log Cabin.
I'll make some taster samples for sales, and then we'll deliver a drum full of water.
That's foolish.
I saw the crowd from across the hall.
If we're going to put ourselves at risk, we have to do this right.
We have to come to market with the purest, highest-grade maple syrup on the street.
And then we have to actually deliver it Full barrels of it Or McFarland's gonna know that we're trying to deliver water before he makes his move.
Yes.
We are talking about maple syrup, but we're also talking about a dead man.
I haven't fired up these machines in over five years.
Even if I did, the amount you're asking for would take at least 30 days to make.
What kind of equipment would you need to shorten that time frame to, say, two days? Ain't nothing wrong with this chemistry Ain't nothing wrong with this place for me And time will tell if there's the pedigree Now I ain't tired of swimming for blood and dirt I ain't tired of swimming for what it's worth 'Cause lines get drawn and lives get kicked and blurred Indelible is what I need to spread the word That's the good stuff.
I need your sign-off on a lab test.
This isn't syrup.
What case are you working on? Counterfeit drugs.
No big deal.
Just need your signature.
Counterfeit drugs? That sounds like a really big deal.
How'd you hear about that? An informant.
Who? A confidential informant.
Okay, it was me.
I'm the informant.
You informed yourself? I use medical marijuana to help with my migraines.
It's always worked in the past, but yesterday it didn't help.
I'm convinced that the new guy at the dispensary is selling fake stuff.
So, you want to arrest someone for not selling drugs? Yes.
Prescription drugs.
This is no different than if somebody needed heart medication, and the pharmacist gave them sugar pills.
Or if a-a diabetic was given water instead of insulin.
Yup, I get it.
You need your pot.
Hi.
How can I help you? I got a call from Detective Agnew.
He asked that I gather the insurance claims from when my husband's truck was vandalized.
Said to give them to Holly? I'm Holly.
Hi.
You must be Neysa Floss.
Sorry I'm being rude, sunglasses indoors.
Hey, why don't you come come sit down? Come on.
I feel so stupid.
Everything reminds me of him.
I can't get his voice out of my head.
It gets easier with time.
I was hoping I could get his wedding ring.
I wanted to put it on my chain, keep him close to my heart.
I-I can't.
It's evidence.
I'm sorry.
Hey, as soon as the case is closed I understand.
- Uh, I was just smoking this - What's in your hand? I thought it was decriminalized Hey.
Remember me? You sold me fake pot.
Presumably so you could pocket the real stuff and sell it on the street.
We don't sell fake pot, Officer.
Detective.
Got an official lab report right here that says you do.
Here's the deal we're about to make: I get all your fake pot, I get to come around here whenever I want, make sure you're not screwing anyone else over, and you get to not go to jail.
No.
Your official lab report says that what you tested was fake pot.
But you got a report that says that what you tested is what I sold you? Did you bag the pot as evidence as soon as you bought it? Or did you maybe bring it home and smoke it first? How's your chain of evidence? Guess it'll be the word of a respected detective against that of a little pothead miscreant.
Actually, it'll be the word of a stoner detective against the word of a small entrepreneur trying to eke out a living in the downward-spiraling economy of Michigan.
But go ahead.
Slap on the cuffs.
So why'd you step in and help me sell this undercover sting to Guz? It was a good idea.
You sure? Or you just want me to owe you one? You don't owe me anything.
You ever consider the possibility that you not trusting me is a you problem? No.
You're suspicious of everyone you meet, Russ.
Why is that? Did you get burned as a child? Did your daddy run away? Did your mommy not love you enough? Wh-Whatever it is, you should go to therapy and work it out, because I don't owe you anything, either.
Hi.
I understand there's a problem? Sir, your maple syrup is watery and filled with impurities.
I believe I tasted high-fructose corn syrup and at least two preservatives.
I assume that McFarland is your supplier? Please, if you don't like the waffles, no charge.
Sorry you didn't enjoy - your meal.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, pal, pal, pal.
Look around you.
I mean, this place is half empty and it's the height of the breakfast rush.
I can get you pure 100% maple syrup, okay? High sugar content, grade A, uncut.
A topping just as good as your waffle.
Whoa, whoa, hey.
- It's a crepe.
- It's a crepe.
How was I supposed to know it's a crepe? Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Just Just put the gun down, man, okay? You You don't want Hey.
You all right? I got that guy's license plate.
We'll get that warrant.
Open up.
Police.
We've got a warrant.
Mr.
McFarland, open up.
All right, let's go on three.
One, two FBI.
FBI.
It's clear.
Hi.
We found 87 barrels of syrup, but no McFarland.
That's because he's here.
Presumably, Judge Walters tipped him off as soon as he issued the warrant.
You guys might want to get back.
I wanted to express my deepest apologies in person for what Larry did.
He's very passionate about protecting our syrup interests.
Sometimes, well, he takes things too far.
But he's very sorry.
- He's sorry for killing a man? - I didn't kill anybody, I just shot your syrup.
He's working through some anger issues with a counseling program, not that that - excuses what he did, but it - Hey, you know what? You're gonna end up doing hard time on behalf of a murderer.
I'm not a murderer.
And I certainly don't know anything about the Eddie Floss killing.
You know, Agent Chamberlain over here He might be the most trusting man on the face of the earth.
He doesn't believe you.
I do think it's possible he's innocent.
But you're definitely lying right now.
A man who defied the cartel is found dead with syrup in his lungs, not far from a syrup warehouse I mean, you certainly know something about it.
I came down here in good faith to make things right, but if you're gonna sling accusations, I would Why don't you sit down? You're not going anywhere until the lab tests come back on your syrup, and then you're really not going anywhere.
You really need to test all this? I mean, maybe break off a little bit? For a bro? - We're not bros.
- I know, but it's not like I'm an intern for you guys.
C.
I.
's get some kind of service fee.
This is evidence in a criminal investigation.
Besides, you're wasting your time, the stuff is fugazi.
Didn't smell fugazi to me.
Smelled Idaho-ish.
What are you, a sommelier of pot? One way to see if I'm right.
Nobody hears about this, okay? The only thing this is evidence of is that this dude sells some top-shelf bud.
I don't get it.
Why would he sell you the real stuff and scam me? Damn.
I'm only guessing, and I'm quite high, but I figure he only needs to sell the fake stuff like one in 20 times to make a fairly rad living and not attract suspicion.
So I'm the five percent? He thinks I'm the chump? Guess so.
Also guess you won't be needing this.
Hey.
I have migraines.
Yeah, we're walking home.
Okay.
Yeah, uh thank you.
None of the syrup recovered from the warehouse matches any of the syrup found in Floss' lungs.
They didn't find any DNA, either.
Wrestled to the dirt, now I'm back on my grind Larry! Okay.
Here's what I'm thinking you are not smart.
You're not charming.
And you're not great looking, right? I made bail.
Mr.
McFarland hired me a lawyer.
You can't do this.
What am I doing? I'm just one guy sitting across from another guy in a bar.
The one thing you got going for you in this life is that job.
I mean, working for the richest, most powerful man in town.
It's got to pay pretty well, yeah? Pays better than you get.
Oh, yeah.
I'm sure it does.
But at least my employer doesn't ask me to give up my life for a year while he sits in a mansion and makes more money.
On the other hand, you know, in all fairness, great perks.
Am I right? Wow.
Man, you you got a smoking hot girlfriend.
Yeah, go ahead.
Try and punch me out.
But what are you gonna do about the next and hit on her while you're locked away? Don't be McFarland's bitch.
Drinks are on me.
- Good morning.
- Morning.
- Hey, man.
- Hey.
Any word from McFarland's goon? Agnew! In here.
I'm in trouble, aren't I? Yeah.
Well, you've missed an exciting morning, Russ.
Judge Walters calling to ball me out.
The mayor's office threatening to launch - an official inquiry.
- Aw, come on.
All I did was go talk to the guy.
I believe the word "stalking" was used by his lawyer.
That's the guy that you should be talking to.
We do this kind of stuff all the time.
No, not with people who are connected like this.
Now, I've got to go to Judge Walters and kiss his ass, along with the mayor's chief of staff! And I probably still won't be able to get you reinstated until this case is over.
Reinstated? Are you are you suspending me? No, come on, come on, Kim Don't.
Russ, you screwed up.
I don't have a choice.
Russ? What? I'm gonna need your badge and your gun.
We all feel that Detective Agnew's suspension was completely unjust.
I mean, detectives of Battle Creek have had their hands tied tightly enough by lack of resources, lack of staff Well, that's kind of the same thing.
Oh, don't interrupt.
He memorized it.
He gets messed up "Memorized"? This is something you wrote down? Uh, Shaylene helped.
Anyway look, let me just start over, okay? Uh, we all feel that Detective Agnew I'm sure it's a lovely speech.
And you can tell Shaylene that it almost pushed me over the edge.
But my hands are tied on this.
We thought this might happen.
In which case I feel that with Detective Agnew's unfortunate suspension, I should step in and take lead on the case - with Agent Chamberlain.
- Whoa, whoa! There's solidarity for you.
What, do you have a speech for every occasion? - Well - Guys! Guys? Nobody's getting promoted to lead.
You are all working the case equally.
And I am sincerely moved how, for 15 seconds, you all stood up for Russ.
Thank you.
Hi there.
Oh, hi! I'm probably imposing, but I was hoping I could ask you one more favor.
You are not imposing.
Um, how can I help? Do you know how long until they release Eddie's body? I need to plan the funeral.
I'm sure the medical examiner is just being thorough, but I will check with her.
And I will make sure that he is transferred to the funeral home as soon as possible.
You've been too kind.
In this place, you meet a lot of people who deserve better than what they've gotten.
Hey.
I screwed up, like, really bad.
Well, I assume you were suspended.
Come on in.
I'll set the player for two.
You want a beer? Uh, no, uh, no, thank you.
Okay, uh, so, Edward Floss' wife came in, and she cried right through her foundation.
When the tear fell down I saw that underneath her foundation she had applied a concealer.
With a yellow base.
All right that sounds really important.
Russ, no woman with her skin tone would use a yellow-based concealer unless she was trying to offset blue.
Like covering up a bruise.
Oh, you think Floss hit her? Yeah, and not just once.
I mean, her makeup was, like, good.
I mean, this is, this is someone who has become way more sophisticated than just slapping on some cover-up.
All right, well, so, uh, there's, uh, there's a motive.
Uh-huh.
But it's gonna take more than makeup techniques to prove it.
Okay, so her husband had this wedding ring It was an antique filigree Lost me again.
It's a really specific pattern, okay? And the makeup was on the right side of her face, which means she was probably hit with his left fist.
And that could mean that there's a bruise pattern which would be an exact match to Eddie's ring.
All right.
Good, that's great.
So, we, um, we find her, we wipe off the makeup This is the part where I screwed up.
Okay, um, a few days ago, she asked me for her husband's ring back.
Holly, th-that's evidence, you can't do that.
I know, I told her that, okay? But she cried and seemed so sad, and I The ring seemed so irrelevant to us.
So I-I changed my mind.
Okay, I'm gonna take care of this for you.
How? You're suspended.
Exactly.
I'm not a cop anymore, I don't need a warrant.
I'll break into the house, I'll find the ring, I'll steal it, I'll slip it back into evidence where it belongs.
Russ, she's wearing it around her neck.
Okay, um Russ, I really think there's only one way here.
Trust Milt.
Hey there, Russell.
I'm glad you're here.
So, I re-interviewed the widow, which was unfortunately not helpful, but I did start the process of Why are you staring at me like that? Edward never went to McFarland's warehouse.
He was drowned in a vat of syrup in his own sugar shack.
His wife did it.
He was abusing her.
Do you have proof? No legal records but plenty of hospital records.
Broken ribs from "falling off a horse," eight stitches in the lip from "slipping on the ice.
" And that's just in the last six months.
We never searched his own sugar shack because she was never a suspect and she said that he never came home.
I guarantee you that the syrup you find there will match the syrup in his lungs.
I'll, uh, I'll go alert the papers so they can get your photo ready.
W-Where did you come up with this theory? Can't tell you that.
You're gonna pay me for a tip? You were suspended from the BCPD, not the FBI.
I'm hiring you as a consultant.
We should do this thing together.
For a dollar? Take as much time as you need.
I have to get back to packing, I'm getting ready to sell the place.
Too many bad memories.
That makes sense since a lot of those bad memories are of your husband beating you.
What are you talking about? I know you think you loved him.
But that isn't love.
No woman should ever feel like she has to cover for a man like that.
Whatever you think you know It's over.
He's gone.
So, you can stop being scared and you can stop covering for him.
Come clean, Neysa.
The judge will go easy on you given the circumstances.
None of this is true.
Here's the truth.
You were sick and tired of being a victim.
Right? So, Eddie came home, he got drunk, and he hit you.
And for the very first time in your life, Neysa, you hit him back.
Right here in this room.
You grabbed something off a shelf, you hit him in the head.
He fell into the vat.
And then when you got scared of-of what he might do in retaliation, you held his head under the syrup until he stopped moving, so he could never, ever beat you again.
Eddie was a good man.
- He never meant - Stop! She didn't do it.
I did.
Dad! I started having suspicions about the way Eddie was treating her, so I confronted him.
It escalated.
Don't.
That's not true, none of that is true.
I'm the one who did it.
A father will do anything to protect his daughter.
Two confessions? So one of them is lying.
She's lying.
People that take abuse keep on taking abuse.
And she was half the size of her husband.
And backed into a corner.
Dad's just taking the fall to cover for her, just like he did when it happened.
She seemed sincere to me.
Everyone seems sincere to you, because you're a gracious man.
Thank you, Russ.
You see? You thought I was being sincere.
Look, even if she didn't kill him, she's not just the victim here.
She tried to frame someone.
She made a lot of bad choices.
- She's long since paid the price.
- So, we'll just keep investigating until we find We've got a dad who wants to go to prison to protect his daughter; I say we let him.
I like that ending better.
Well, so she doesn't care about the truth? She cares deeply about the truth.
But she cares even more about justice.
Ah, again? Come on, nothing's changed.
Medical marijuana's still legal here in Michigan.
Yes, it is.
And you're absolutely right, there's nothing local authorities can do to stop you.
But, uh, he's not local.
Federal Agent Milton Chamberlain.
And while we are in Michigan, and medical marijuana is legal in Michigan, we are also in the United States.
And medical marijuana is not legal in the United States.
And as an agent of the federal government, I have the right to confiscate any and all marijuana on these premises.
You can keep the fake stuff.
Look, he's a buddy of mine, and he listens to me.
I really don't want to have to shut you down, but I will.
You know, the Justice Department hasn't taken on the individual states on this issue, and I'm supposed to believe that Dudley Do-Right here is gonna be the guy to start a civil war? Cause panic in the streets of Seattle and Denver? I don't think so.
He's right.
Let's go.
Actually, um Hey, you know what? I love this movie.
The, uh, the scene at the beginning is my favorite.
D-Do you mind rewinding it so I can show my buddy here? No, no, go to the very beginning, before this.
Dude, this is the first scene.
No, it's not, come here.
Let me show you.
Thank you.
Here we go, right here, this is the part.
Hmm bummer.
This movie is licensed for private home viewing only.
You just violated federal law.
That is a felony that can get you up to five years.
And that is a law that the FBI does enforce.
Fine, I'll give you the stash of fake stuff.
I'm afraid we're a little past that point.
Hey, you want to grab a beer? I should head home.
What's the rush? It's your lucky day.
You get reinstated, and you get to put in for overtime.
Eight people just had their headlights stolen from their cars in the high school parking lot.
Game just ended, nobody can drive home.
Grab Milt, go check it out.
Whoa, whoa, seriously? Ah, come on, we got this.