Becker s02e08 Episode Script

Stumble in the Bronx

( upbeat blues theme playing ) Hey, Jake, do me a favor.
I need help with an assignment for my psychology class.
If this is ink blots, I can tell you right now, this is not going to end well.
No, it's a simple word association test.
You got a minute? Well, let me check my schedule here.
Seven a.
, cut strings on newspapers.
Six p.
, go home.
Yeah, I think I can squeeze you in.
Now, I'm gonna say a word, and you say the first thing that pops in your mind.
House, again.
What's interesting? What, that I said house twice? Doghouse.
Tree house.
Is there somethin' weird about that? No, Jake, house is fine.
If house is the first thing that comes to your mind, then house is what you say.
Let's move on.
Well, now I can't think of anything but house.
Is that your answer? I don't wanna do this anymore.
Tell me somethin'.
What is it about me that makes people think my only purpose on this planet is to help them? The letters M.
after your name? This morning, I'm sound asleep.
Some little geek knocks on my door tryin' to sell me some crappy chocolate bar.
Tryin' to help his school go to Disneyland, you know.
I've been to Disneyland.
More kids is not the answer.
And on my way over here, I gotta fight my way through the gauntlet of bums with their hands reaching out to suck money out of me like I'm a walking ATM.
Right now all I want to do is be left alone with a nice quiet cup of coffee without anyone asking me for help.
Can you help me out? Is this that dream where my lips move, but no sound comes out? Come on, Becker, I need help with my psych assignment, and Jake's turned out to be a borderline sociopath.
Well, fine, I'm sick of bein' pushed around like some damn lab rat.
( rings ) Coming.
Come on, Becker, I'm just gonna say a word, and you say the first thing that pops in your mind.
JAKE: Oh, Reg, can you do me a favor? Keep an eye on the counter, will you? I completely forgot.
I gotta go downtown, renew my vendor's license.
You need a license to sell papers? Well, you have a license to serve food, don't you? Yeah.
JAKE: Say, John, uh, you-- You wouldn't happen to be drivin' downtown anytime soon, 'cause it'd really help me out if you could get-- Oh, you too, Jake? Just askin'.
Forget about it.
I'll take the train.
Greetings, sports fans.
I bring news from the divorce front.
The wife's lawyer has just given Bob a financial colonic.
And might I say, ow! Good thing Bob was prepared.
Hey, w-w-what are you doing? Th-th-that's for charity.
Tell me about it.
You're stealing from the March of Dimes.
No, no, no, no.
This can's mine.
I put it here last week.
God bless you, sir.
Hey, let me see this.
What is this? "March of Mimes"? Hey, come on, think of all those poor schmucks trapped in imaginary boxes.
Won't you help? ( blues theme playing ) Oh, good, no patients.
I can have a moment's peace.
Not so fast.
You have an office full of paperwork to take care of.
Oh, and Mrs.
Dunston called.
She wants to know if you could write a letter to help her son get into Harvard.
Who? Oh, you remember Robby Dunston, the kid who slammed his head in the car door.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
How am I supposed to get him into Harvard? He can barely get into a minivan.
John, be kind.
The boy only has one ear.
Yeah, a one-eared klutz who can't get into a car without bumping his head.
That sounds more like Yale material.
Oh, while you're in a helping mood, don't forget this Saturday you promised to come to my church and speak to the single mothers' group.
Oh, I just lectured at your church.
That was last year.
And you spoke about birth control.
Oh, yeah.
Fat lot of good it did.
What're you doing in here? Okay, here's the thing.
I need your help.
Oh, you too? Well, believe it or not, I kind of glued myself to your skeleton.
Now, before you get mad You're the one who told me I should learn more about anatomy and stuff.
So I was in here counting bones, and his finger fell off.
So I glued it back on with that super stuff, which, by the way, really works.
And now I'm stuck to him, and you're mad at me, and then you're gonna yell at me, and I'm sorry, but I just don't know what to do.
All right, all right, all right.
Look, j-just g-get some nail polish remover.
Th-that should work.
Thank you, Dr.
( blues theme playing ) Mr.
Pierson, you're gonna be fine.
Just stay on that diet.
And about, uh-- About your other question.
Uh, I don't do that kind of surgery, but let me give you some advice.
Before you invest in penile enlargement, why don't you try buying a Corvette or something? Let me tell you somethin'.
This day cannot end soon enough.
Okay, I'm out of here.
Good night, Margaret.
Good night.
( phone rings ) Doctor's office.
I'm not here.
I'm not here.
Oh, he's right here.
It's Jake.
What? John, I need your help.
Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
No, you gotta come and get me.
I fell asleep on the train, and I totally missed downtown.
Well, ask somebody to help you.
I asked a guy.
He robbed me.
You're kidding me.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Well, grab a cab and come to the office.
I'll pay the fare when you get here.
No way.
I'm not leavin' this phone booth.
I'm in a neighborhood where they rob blind people.
All right, all right.
Where are you? I'm in Brooklyn.
On the corner of Kings Highway and Bedford.
Are you sure? Well, yeah, the guy that robbed me said so.
You took his word for it? I also took his word for it that he had a gun.
Come on, John, you gotta come get me.
( blues theme playing ) BECKER: Oh, yeah, yeah, I can understand being afraid around here.
Now, let's see, book store, art gallery-- Oh, my God, a boutique.
What'd he hold you up with, a sharpened biscotti? Sorry.
Next time I'll arrange for a ride before I get mugged.
MAN: What, are you nuts? Didn't you see me backin' in here? Hey, you didn't start backin' up till you saw me pullin' in.
What's goin' on? Nothing.
Just keep walkin'.
I don't know what it is about today.
I'm everybody's personal assistant, you know.
"Help me with my van.
" "Help me with my homework" Are you crazy? That car's in the way! "Help me unglue my fingers.
" All day long, "Help me, help me, help me.
" ( gunshot ) Help me.
Oh, oh, God.
( blues theme playing ) Excuse me, I'm looking for a recent admission.
John Becker.
Arrogant pain in the ass.
If the jerk in 219 codes, wait an hour or two before you page me.
That's okay.
I know where he is.
So someone finally shot you.
I always thought it'd be you, Margaret.
So did I.
Listen, as long as Margaret's here, I'm gonna get goin'.
And, uh, once again, I feel really guilty I couldn't help you more out there.
Well, don't feel guilty about that.
Feel guilty that if it weren't for you, I wouldn't have been there to get shot in the first place.
So basically you're saying that as long as I feel guilty, you're okay? Well, not okay, but it helps.
He's all yours.
Goodbye, Jake.
So ( clears throat ) how long do you have to stay? Oh, I just got hit in the shoulder and fell down and cracked a couple of ribs.
I should be able to go home today, but my control freak of a doctor wants to keep me here forever.
You're callin' someone else a control freak? Heh, ooh, I pity these poor people.
( toilet flushes ) Oh, you're gonna love this guy.
Thanks for the use of the facilities.
I love that kind.
Lots of places to hold on.
Sorry, ma'am, Detective Borkow, NYPD.
There's just a couple of details I have to get straight with you, sir.
Uh Exactly what time did you leave the drinking establishment catering to homosexuals? You were in a gay bar? No.
For the 50th time.
I got shot, I fell down, and a couple of guys pulled me into the nearest place, which happened to be a gay bar.
So it's gonna be like that.
"Mayor Giuliani wants us to inform you that the NYPD believes alternative lifestyles to be a wonderful part of the rich tapestry which is New York.
" I told you, I was not going to the bar.
I just happened to be walking by with my friend.
Jake, your special friend.
Yes, he's special, but not-- Not the way you think.
He's blind special, not special to me.
So you see other people? Listen to me, will you? Yes, I can see other people! He can't! Well, that doesn't seem fair.
Oh, you stupid-- John, John, John.
Look, maybe you should come back another time.
You're right.
Maybe when he's not all juiced up on drugs.
Oh, jeez.
Not only can't they catch the guy, but now Detective Dipowitz there makes me sound like I'm the Staten Island Fairy.
Just relax, John.
No one's ever gonna hear about that.
Becker was shot in a gay bar, so we're gonna have to reschedule your appointment.
Yes, it was a surprise to me too.
I always knew he was repressing something, but I had no-- Linda! Don't tell people that.
That is not what happened.
It's not? Well, he's gonna have a lot of explaining to do.
You know, if you think about it, Dr.
Becker's pretty lucky.
He gets to be in the hospital.
I mean, people visit him.
He gets flowers, balloons and candy.
He gets to lie in that electric bed and watch TV all day long-- Linda, he was shot.
The glass is always half empty with you, isn't it? ( blues theme playing ) Becker? Becker? Becker? What? It's me, Reggie.
You woke me up to tell me that? Well, I came a long way, and I kind of wanted credit for the visit.
I'll be sure to put a gold star after your name.
Now, go away.
Well, since I'm here, how are you feeling? I'm tired.
Like someone just woke me up.
Oh, look who's back.
That's right.
Round two.
Why are giving my nurses such a hard time? They tell me you're refusing your breathing treatments.
That's 'cause I don't need them.
I have a lot of patients to take care of in this hospital.
I don't have time to keep coming up here to wet nurse you.
Let me go home.
When you're ready.
If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your family.
Oh, we're not related.
Well, aren't you the lucky one? Listen, if you don't take these treatments, you're risking serious pulmonary complications.
Do you understand that, Mr.
Becker? That's Dr.
It could be Admiral Becker, for all I care.
Now, listen, you do what you're told, or I'll get a couple of orderlies from the jail ward to come and help you.
I promise you, if it hurts, I'll give you something to make the pain go away.
Yeah, you just want to knock me out so I sleep all the time.
Ah, that would make my pain go away.
You really bring out the best in people, don't you? Becker, why don't you listen to her? She seems like a good doctor.
Oh, please, she's abrasive, over-cautious, and way too much the way she just was.
I hate that.
You know, Becker, anger is a logical healthy response to what you've been through.
It's the definitive emotion of post-traumatic stress syndrome.
Oh, golly, it must be Wednesday.
That-- That's when college girl takes her psych class, right? As much as I respect the wisdom gleaned from a couple of paragraphs from Intro to Psychology, do me a favor, will you? Keep it to yourself.
Well, this has been fun.
Oh, look at you.
So weak, like a wounded bird.
Let me comfort you.
No, Bob.
Bob, you came up the stairs.
You wanna go out through the window? See you, Becker.
Bob was stricken when he heard about your unfortunate incident in, uh, how shall I put it, Club Grab-Ass.
Yeah, whatever.
I just threw the flowers together.
Feel free to work your magic with the arrangement.
You people seem to have a knack for that.
Hey, did you know you got an air bubble in your IV? What? Ha, ha, ha, made you look.
( blues theme playing ) It's time for your medication, sir.
Just something to help you rest.
You're kidding.
You woke me up to give me a sleeping pill? Doctor's orders.
You take it.
Yeah, maybe we can both get some sleep.
( whimpers ) ( speaking in foreign language ) Hi, Dr.
Never mind that crap.
Did you bring me a cigarette? Well, I didn't think you were allowed to smoke in here, so I brought you a lot of other fun stuff instead.
Here's a junky romance novel.
Look, it's Fabio.
And here's some candy, a deck of cards, magazines, Chinese checkers-- Oh, and here's one of those things where you try to get the BB's into the clown's eyes.
Good luck.
It's practically impossible.
Figured while you're up, we'll change your linens.
Uh, now? Did you catch the soaps today? Hey, hey.
Daisy found out she has that brain tumor, and she still married Perry.
Hey, don't touch me.
I don't trust that Daisy at all.
Perry's gonna find out she's pregnant, and it's Drew's baby.
Oh, it can't be.
Drew's in love with Cheryl.
Oh, jeez, I'm in hell.
What the--? Ow, ow, ow, ow.
Not this side.
They were locked in the cabin during the blizzard.
It's not Drew's baby.
It's Perry's baby.
Drew shoots blanks.
( nurses gasp ) You're kidding.
I didn't know that.
( all talking indistinctly ) That's it! All right, all right, everybody out! Well Mr.
-- Now! No, I don't care.
Go! Che, che, che, che, che.
Oh, you meant me too, didn't you? You think? Sponge bath? Do you remember last time? Never mind.
( blues theme playing ) ( blues theme playing ) I told you, I just took my pulse.
It's strong and steady.
I agree.
Just keep it this way, and in a couple of days you can go home.
How about I go home now? Believe me, everyone in this hospital wants you to go home now.
But you're still weak.
There could be complications.
I'm not gonna lie in this bed for a couple of days so you can cover your ass.
I am a trauma surgeon.
I'd ask that you defer to my expertise on treating gunshot wounds as I would yours on, on say the sniffles.
You know something? You surgeons are nothing more than glorified mechanics.
You don't have the compassion it takes to treat a real person.
Get me a real person in here, I'd be glad to give it try.
But as long as you are my patient, I give the orders.
I see what's goin' on here.
You know, I've been running into your type ever since med school.
My type? Yeah.
Yeah, you're on a power trip.
You throw your weight around here at the hospital because you have nothing going on in the rest of your life.
You know nothing about my life.
Trust me.
You're not that complicated.
You're an arrogant, opinionated control freak.
Me? You are the most stubborn, infuriating pain-in-the-ass that I have ever-- I can't believe I let you get to me like that.
I apologize.
It's about time.
I see why you're acting this way.
You've been shot.
Your anger is understandable.
Don't-- You don't understand me.
I hate that.
You don't want to talk to me, that's fine.
We have trained counselors here in the hospital who can help you work through this.
I don't need to work through anything.
I just need to get the hell out of here.
As a matter of fact, that's exactly what I'm gonna do.
You can't leave.
Oh, yeah? Watch me.
You still have a hematoma on your spleen.
If you walk out of here, you could bleed to death in 20 minutes.
Well, I'm just gonna take my chances.
Have it your way, doctor, but you're signing yourself out against medical advice.
And I have a feeling I'll be seeing you again quite soon.
Quack! ( blues theme playing ) Taxi.
Oh, you saw me, you idiot! Hey, John, is that you? Yeah, yeah, it's me.
JAKE: I was comin' to see you.
Where you goin'? I thought you'd be here a couple more days.
Well, I'm not.
I'm getting the hell out of here.
As soon as I sit down for a second.
Hey, are you okay? You don't sound so good.
I'm fine.
I don't need some power-hungry doctor to tell me how I'm feeling.
I am a doctor.
I know how I feel.
I know, but you ought to let-- I don't need counseling either, you know.
And I refuse to lie in that stupid bed, and be treated like some helpless child.
You don't like to feel helpless? What do you even know about it? You know, why don't you try cringing in a phone booth because you're too afraid to go walk out on the street by yourself.
Or hear a gunshot and have no idea where it came from.
Take this for a spin, and then come talk to me about feeling helpless.
Oh, jeez.
Do me a favor, will you? Give me a hand here.
Thank you.
See you later, Jake.
( blues theme playing ) ( upbeat blues theme playing )