Beelzebub (2011) s01e01 Episode Script

I Picked Up the Demon King

Once upon a time, in a land far far away Or rather, in a place called "Ishiyama High School," there was a barbaric, ruthless, and defiant bastard who thought nothing of his fellow man.
So you're the first year, Oga? I'm Abe, a second year! Fight me! Second year Abe and the first year punk Oga are gonna fight! Shut up.
You're gonna wake the baby, baldy.
Now he's said it! Damn, does he know what this guy is called? He's Abe the killing machine! Killer?! Scary! But Oga is the legendary Rampaging Demon Ogre of Kata Jr.
High! Demon? That's one seriously bad dude.
This guy rains blood! Hey, look at Oga! Oga's turning chicken? He's on top It's coming out He's on top and lettin' it go Damn that's a lot of sweat.
I guess Oga isn't a match for Abe the killing machine.
Wait, that's not sweat! On his head! There's a baby pissing on his head! Whatever! Fight me! Does my head look like a urinal to you, you brat? This is a story of a high school juvenile delinquent who, through some strange circumstances, is raising a baby.
But this baby is no ordinary baby.
What the hell is that look for? Who's the damn kid? I Picked up the Demon Lord Once upon a time, in a land far away, there was a handsome, cool, and popular young man whom everyone looked up to.
Screw you, Oga! Die! The kind hearted young man said this: Everyone grovel before me! Hold it, hold it Hmm? Don't "hmm" me! Who's kind hearted and popular again? And what the hell is with the baby, huh? Silly little Furuichi, that's what I was getting around to telling you.
Break my train of thought, and I break your back! Now listen up! We apologize for rising above our station just now.
You were just sleeping there so helplessly, Oga-kun, that we thought it was our chance It wasn't a chance.
You know, if I were anybody but me, I'd be dead.
Yeah, for real Sure wish you were dead The kind hearted young man went to do some washing up in the river.
He's a demon! Dang And then Floating, floating From upstream, a big guy came floating, floating down the river Okay, stop! Where are you going with this story, and what the hell do you mean, a "big guy?" He floated down the river! What can I say? "Big guys" don't float down rivers, damn it! Well, it was definitely quite shocking.
Actually, all the other dudes turned and ran the second they saw him.
Well, duh! But the kind hearted young man was not taken aback in fear, and all by himself, lifted the big guy out of the river! Oh! And then split him in half.
From inside, a spirited baby boy You split him?! You split him?! The young man said, "Oh, what a cute baby!" But, what the hell? Crap, what am I supposed to do? Precious Farewell! Transfer! The kind hearted young man stayed calm and responded to the situation like an adult.
So kid Are you lost? Wait, I'm doing it wrong Maybe, more light hearted? There-there-there-there! No, that's not Hey brat! I'll steal your very soul! After that, the baby got totally attached to me.
Or so it seems.
Enough already! Who the hell would believe that story? Take him back to wherever you got him from already! You idiot! Wait, kid! Look at this! See? It's a camel cricket! What the hell are you doing? This totally worked before, idiot! Crap, he's bored with it.
I guess you rank lower than a camel cricket, Furuichi.
This is what happens when he cries.
That's why you can't just pull him away like that.
Yeah, don't you think there's something wrong with that? Furuichi, you idiot! Keep your voice down! Let's take this out back, asshole! Say what? Let's take this out back, asshole! Say what? You're going to make him cry again! Anyway, all we can do for now is keep him distracted.
"We" my ass! Don't go mixing me up in this! Whatever, just hurry up and search! Find something that can grab this brat's heart! As if! This is Ishiyama High, the worst school in the entire country! We're 120% Grade A delinquents! Ishiyama High! 120% JDs, the worst in the country! What's wrong? Oga brought a baby with 'im! A baby?! Idiot! Do something, Furuichi! Think, me! Think! Bingo! It's Count Poo, who appears in the anime "Gohan-kun!" Take a look! Furuichi! Then I've got no choice! Nice, Furuichi! And why do you have that with you? I was thinking of giving it to the girl who works at the convenience store as a present.
Furuichi, you sicken me.
Screw you! What the hell is that kid? Oga's kid? Wait, that's no human.
What the hell are you lookin' at? My body can't take much more of this.
There's only one thing left to do.
Put him to sleep and stick him back inside the big guy before he wakes up! The big guy's still split open? I mean, I don't think we can just ditch 'im.
Furuichi, you idiot! Do I look like such a cruel person? School Store All sold out! School Store Then an anpan? Sold out! Fruit milk? Sold out.
Curry rice? Yup, sold out.
Curry rice? Yup, sold out.
Then whaddya got left, damn it? Pardon me.
What are you planning on doing? Furuichi, you're such an idiot.
It's only natural to get sleepy after you fill up your belly! Just watch me! I'm gonna feed him plenty! He's gone! Over there! The yakisoba bread is mine! That bread is mine! I'll stake my life on it! Yakisoba bread! It's mine! Wait for me! Yakisoba bread, wait! Hey, Oga Do you think the baby is happy? What the hell is this baby? It is time.
He is near.
Leave no stone unturned.
Listen up, Furuichi This might be to our benefit.
Wait, why are we at my house? Once upon a time, there was a fine young lumberjack.
Hold it! That joke is old now! The young man threw his ax into lake, and the spirit of the lake appeared and said, "Was it this old ax you threw in the lake? Or was it this golden baby?" Yeah, I saw that one a mile away.
Here! Have a golden baby! I ain't taking that thing! Not some freaky baby! I've got a date I'm going on tonight! Then, perfect! You and that girl can raise him and live happily ever after! Let go of me, you! Listen up, baby! If you seriously make me mad I'll show you the pits of hell! Furuichi.
Yeah.
He's totally attached to me.
Attached to you? You're delusional.
The Master would never take to the likes of you! Die, gutter-trash! W-Who might you be? Who you callin' gutter-trash? And get down from there, now! Waltzing into my house like you own it! Uh, it's my house.
Why are you pickin' a fight like always, Oga? She ain't normal, dude! Now, Master, come here.
Hilda is here to bring you home.
Bring home? Looks like he doesn't like you! Freaky Come now, Master It is time to go! Let go of him, Master! Oh, my! What am I to do? Oga, maybe I'm missing something here But if you give the baby back to her, won't that fix everything? She came to pick you up, you brat! Furuichi, you idiot, help! I apologize.
I am the demon Hildegarde, and I am this baby's maidservant demon.
Demon? And that child is to be the king of we demons.
His name is Kaiser de Emperana Beelzebub IV.
In other words, he is the Demon Lord.
Demon Lord? You foolish humans, I will destroy you! Demon Lord? Demon Lord!? Son of mine, destroy humanity! Um, Hilda-san, was it? Thanks for the exposition! That's great and all But since you've come to take him back, well, if you don't mind No, that won't be possible.
Why? Because you seem to have been chosen.
As the Demon Lord's father! The Great Demon Lord said this: I'll get to destroying humanity tomorrow.
They're like, so annoying.
They breed like roaches.
Why don't we just, like, totally wipe them out? But Great Demon Lord, tomorrow is the Dark Dragon King's wedding.
Really? Then, the day after tomorrow.
I'll definitely get to it the day after tomorrow.
The day after is the hell-wide chupacabra hunting bus tour.
Well, dang! I'm like, so super busy! And after that, the 10,000-day mahjong marathon on Demon Isle.
Oh, forget it.
I'll have that kid I just had do it.
Hilda! Yes? Take him to the human world, find some human to raise him, and have him destroy humanity, 'kay? is what he said.
The Great Demon Lord Seems like he's got a screw loose.
I have come here in search of a human suitable to be the young Master's parent.
Good luck! You just gonna run away? This is my house! Go home! Hell no! I knew it! My eyes do not lie! Who?! This is the dimensional transference demon, Alaindelon.
A dimensional transference demon is just as the name says: A demon that can transfer people or things between the dimensions! Transfer! Ow! In order to transfer the Master from the Demon World, I floated down the river.
And, half conscious, I saw you standing and laughing heartily as humans groveled before you! I was convinced! Ah! I can leave the Master in this person's hands! So that's why! It was your destiny.
You've got to be kidding me! The parent of the Demon Lord? So the kid likes me a little! Big effin' deal! I ain't gonna to do it! No way! In other words, you refuse? Duh! Take him and leave, now! Is that so? Then, please die.
Crap! She's actually a demon? Wait, Oga! You are so paying for repairs! Yes you are, damn it! What's this? This is a real laugh! Don't crack on me, Furuichi! I can handle this! Hell no you can't! He's still stuck on your back! What? You damn He won't come off! Give up! Did you think you could escape a demon? Shut it! Just stay up there forever trying to look cool! Akubaba! Yup, she's a demon! Oga kick! You.
Kicked.
A.
Demon!? Okay, I kind of respect that about you! It's important to hit 'em first! Isn't that the Rampaging Ogre? Looks like something's going down.
Hey, it's "Demon" Runnin' from a woman? This is seriously our chance! Okay, we're gonna help that broad! You think you can escape? You refuse, despite being chosen by the Demon Lord.
Demons are very picky about contracts, you see.
Die.
Master? Oga! What is this? He's freakin' out? Is this the power of a demon? M-Master! Please do not throw a tantrum! Tantrum?! This is way beyond a tantrum! Where's Oga? He's unconscious! Or worst-case dead?! Can't you do something? This is seriously not going to end well! I cannot.
When he gets like that, there is no stopping the Master.
You can't? Then what are we supposed to do? I told you there's nothing to be done! Only the Great Demon Lord could calm a crying fit such as this A man shouldn't go crying like that.
People'll think you're weak.
He stopped! That's impossible! Even I couldn't stop him when he cries like that And yet, with not so much as a Good! Now, no more crying.
Bingo.
And don't follow me anymore.
Master! What the hell am I doing? He destroyed the steel tower! I can't believe he resonated with the Master and pulled out so much power! What the Who in the world is he? Oga! Ah, man A dream sequence? That was the stupidest dream ever.
Phew With that setup, I was totally gonna end up the parent of the Demon Lord! Finally awake, are we? It has been a full two days, and I am tired of waiting.
Why are you here? And wait, you were here the whole time? What are you so surprised about? Starting from today, let us raise a fine Demon Lord to destroy humanity.
And there you have it.
The handsome, cool, popular, and kind hearted young man defeated the Demon Lord, and they all lived happily ever after! Yes, happily Hold it a second! You didn't defeat him! Nobody ended up happy! And it's only the first episode! Shut it, Furuichi! I am not raising him, no way! He's a baby Demon Lord, damn it! On the next Beelzebub: Say Hi to the BoB Brawler Don't go doing previews on your own!