Bizaardvark (2016) s02e11 Episode Script

Science (Un)Fair

1 Paige! Frankie! Hey, Shemika! What's up? Stay right there.
I need to ask you something.
So, the thing is oh! Hang on.
(PANTING) Anyway oh! Hang on.
(LIMBO MUSIC PLAYING) So what's going on? Uh, not much.
You? Not much.
- See ya around.
- BOTH: Later.
I love this place.
BOTH: You could spend all day On a swing eating a baguette But why do boring things like that When there's the Internet? Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! - Let's go make some videos - Hey! You could watch Dirk doing crazy dares - Saying, "Here we go" - Here we go! He'll do anything you want Just don't try this at home Or watch Amelia teaching ya How to look your best Making over people is her never-ending quest You could watch Do you have constant foot odor? You could watch us make ridiculously funny videos Like the one with evil pop-up books That punch you in the nose Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! Let's go make some videos And I I missed it.
I'm surprised you like babysitting your neighbor.
You don't usually like kids.
Yeah, but Savannah's cool.
She's cute, she does whatever I say, plus, she watches my favorite Russian soap operas without interrupting.
I never remember which Igor is the bad one! Did you know the dog is the cousin of the fox? Paige's cousin's a fox! What are you doing? I love animals, but insects are my favorite.
That's why I'm doing my science fair project on my most favorite insect of all time.
Are you ready for it? Crickets! Aww! Crickets are so cute.
Not as cute as your cousin.
Am I right? It's never gonna happen.
My science fair project is going to be the best.
Except, for maybe Simon's, since his parents are doing his whole project.
BOTH: What? I can't believe we lost to Trevor.
We put so much time into this.
ROBOT: Trevor's parents didn't help build me at all.
I can also vacuum up trash.
Hey, Paige and Frankie, why don't you throw your project in front of me? (LAUGHS) (SCOFFS) His parents did the whole beeping thing! And the rest of the robot too! We poured our heart and soul into that project, and we lost to a cheater! It was humiliating! It made us feel so dumb! I never wanna feel like that ever again.
We have to right this wrong.
- We cannot let what happened to us happen to Savannah.
- You're right.
(SIGHS) Savannah? Good news.
Frankie and I are gonna help you win the science fair.
Oh.
Okay.
Fine.
Hey, Frankie, wanna go watch your Russian soap opera? Today, good Igor meets bad Igor and gets his revenge! You see? She's seven and she gets it.
Bernie, are you still Bizaardvark's agent? I am until they fire me! Pound it.
Oh.
Reassuring.
(CLEARS THROAT) There have been some discussions about the future of certain channels.
I need you to give a presentation about Bizaardvark at the end of the week.
It is very important, so listen closely to my instructions.
(VOICE FADING) First of all, Bizaardvark (BERNIE THINKING) Very important.
(LIAM CONTINUES SPEAKING) BERNIE: Presentation.
And as you can see from this chart, the arrow goes up? That was the greatest presentation I ever heard! Mermaids, give Bernie his award! You are their king now.
(FANFARE PLAYS) Yeah.
and if you follow those instructions exactly, Bizaardvark's future should be saved.
Good day.
(WHIRRING) Oh no, I didn't hear anything Liam said about the presentation.
Did you, Horse Face Guy? Well, that was a little helpful.
- Hey, guys! I'm Paige.
- I'm Frankie.
BOTH: And we're Bizaardvark! Today we are doing the seven second challenge, where we take turns trying to complete random tasks in just seven seconds.
Yeah, seven seconds is definitely not a lot of time.
I really don't see how we're gonna be able to do the challenges.
Yeah, some of them are really hard.
- Yeah, like, I don't really understand - (ALARM BLARES) Making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich - in just seven seconds.
You got this? - Okay.
Ready? - Set.
- BOTH: Go.
- Okay.
You know what? - There you go.
Spread it evenly.
Four seconds! Four seconds! - And I'm done! - Oh! Go.
- That's not What? Eww! - It's not going! - You're missing the sandwich! - Ah! Eww! Okay, uh, one second.
- (ALARM BLARES) - Oh! There's no "PB" on there, it's just "J.
" I'm gonna have to declare this a loser.
Frankie and I are going to try to fold this fitted sheet in just seven seconds.
I'm not entirely sure how to fold a fitted sheet in general.
- Go.
- Okay, okay, fold, focus.
Uh.
Uh.
Bring it in.
Bring it in.
- Bring it in! - Why is it so airy? I don't know! It's a parachute! - Okay, okay.
Done.
- (ALARM BLARES) - (LAUGHS) It's so folded.
- Nice.
- It's folded.
- It's, um It's very nice.
Seven seconds to state seven state capitals.
Go.
Sacramento, Albany, Honolulu, Anchorage, Madison, um, St.
Louis, Carson City! (CHEERING) Yes! Wait! That's not one! I'm getting word from our judges.
St.
Louis is not the capital.
It is Jefferson City.
No, that was invalid.
(BUZZES) You lose! Montgomery, Alabama.
Helena, Montana.
(STAMMERS) St.
Louis, Missouri.
- (LAUGHS) - No! What? No! (SCREAMS) - (ALARM BLARES) - The judges no! - BOTH: The judges - I'm sorry! - It's not it's not St.
Louis.
- No, no, no, judges.
- Please, let me try again.
- Nope.
Please, oh please.
I will do anything.
All right, Savannah.
Two days till the science fair.
Let's see what we're working with.
Here's my cricket project.
Also, I made a puppet, and I named him Chirpo.
Hey, there, Chirpo.
Can you talk? It's not real.
It's made from cloth and buttons.
(MUTTERS) You're made from cloth and buttons.
For the science fair, Chirpo's going to rhyme facts about crickets.
Chirp, chirp! I eat plants.
Chirp, chirp! And fruit.
And ants.
Savannah, could you give us a moment? - What is that? - I don't know.
It's like a sock that kind of rhymes.
It's never gonna win! - We have to fix this.
- Yeah.
- Good sidebar.
- (CHUCKLES) Savannah? Chirpo is cute and all, but I'm not sure crickets are gonna beat Simon's project - if his parents are doing it for him.
- Mm-hmm.
And you wanna win, right? I guess.
There's the eye of the tiger! So, what are we gonna do to win this thing? Uh, we need something big, electronic, and awesome, like, um - like like a UFO.
- Yeah, yeah, or ooh! Or a satellite.
Ooh! That's a real thing! Let's go with that! Don't I get to help think of ideas? Of course.
It's your project, after all.
How about you tell us what you like about crickets, and we'll find a new idea together.
Well, I really like their chirps.
Hey! You know what else chirps? Those big electronic things that orbit the Earth.
- Satellites? - (BOTH GASP, SHOUT) That is a great idea! - It's your idea.
- You're right! It is your idea! And we love it! That's why we're gonna build you - a fully-functioning satellite.
- Mm-hmm.
(CLICKING) We've been working at this for five hours.
We have no idea how to build a satellite.
We're never gonna win this thing.
Wait.
(CLATTERING) I spelled my name with the parts! Hey, guys! Paige and Frankie here with Bernie to do the Spoon Candy Challenge.
- Challenge completed! - You're not supposed to eat them.
- Oh.
I also thought I won.
- Okay.
We put a spoon in our mouth and strap a bowl to our heads.
First one to put three pieces of candy into their bowl without using their hands wins.
Ready? Go-oh.
- Whoa! Got it! - It fell off already! (DINGS) (MUFFLED SHOUT) - It in there? - It fell out! It fell out! I know! You're carrying water back to the village! - KIDS: What? - No? - People are coming! - Bernie's great at this! You've got three.
He's got three.
- I bounced I got one! - You got one! This guy has four or five of them in there.
This is delicious.
What are you guys playing to? - Um, to three.
- Oh, he's already had like four or five.
- Did you beat that, Bernie? - He had four or five of them already.
- Bernie.
- What? - You've gotta help clean up.
- What about the challenge? Bizaardvark.
We need to find the "We Know Science" channel.
They can help us build Savannah's satellite and win the fair.
Oh, Viking Guy, have you seen the "We Know Science" channel? I'll tell you what I've seen.
An army of men meet their demise at the hands - of the Ice Queen of Morosa.
- Found them! I was helpful! (LAUGHS) Okay, remember, these guys are way smarter than us, so just act confident and don't let on that we have no idea what we're talking about.
(SIGHS) Fellow scientists! We have a proposal.
(CHUCKLES) Nice.
It's going well so far.
Aren't you the channel that makes ridiculous videos, like Puke Train? Uh, first of all, it's Puke Plane.
And second, there's a lot more to our videos than meets the eye.
Like what? Oh, well, if you don't know, - we've obviously - (SCOFFS) - come to the wrong science channel.
- Yeah.
Come on, Frankie.
Let's find someone who can understand a proposal.
- Did we take it too far? - Yeah, I think we blew it.
How long do we walk before we turn back and beg? We're running out of room.
- Just slow down.
- Wait! BOTH: Yes? We get it now.
Your videos must be filled with cryptograms and codes intended for interplanetary communications.
I mean, why else would you make a stupid video about a plane filled with puke? First of all, it ran on puke.
But you're right.
Our latest project is extremely important.
- What is it? - (BOTH LAUGH) Wouldn't you like to know? Ye Wouldn't you like Oh.
Uh it's a satellite.
Wow! A satellite? Are we talking geosynchronous or geostationary? Whoa! Why don't you just build the whole thing while you're at it! - Unless you want us to walk away again.
- Yeah.
No! No, no, no, no, we'll build it.
You're the first people that have ever spoken to us here.
Aww.
I mean have it on our desk by 9:00 a.
m.
tomorrow.
Ow.
What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? (WHIRRING) Liam! Do you have a sec? Yes, I have regrets.
So, I have a couple of questions about the presentation.
I totally heard you, and I get what you're looking for.
I'm just a little confused on some of the details.
You remind me of my nephew.
He gets easily confused by details too.
Of course, he's five, so it's appropriate.
Anyway, the presentation should start with - (LIAM'S VOICE FADES) - (BERNIE THINKING) Liam's Nephew.
Liam's Nephew.
Mermaids, I'd like you to meet my nephew.
He's just like me, only better looking and far more important.
Whee! 'Sup, mermaids? Robot yeah.
cannot repeat these instructions ever again, so see you tomorrow at the presentation.
And remember Bizaardvark's future depends on it.
Aah, that time it felt like my fault.
Greetings, Viking warriors! It is I Viking Guy! - With Viking Bernie! - No.
- You have not earned that name yet.
- (HORNS SMASH) Today we will be playing, Can This Be a Ship? We're gonna put different objects in the water to see if they can be a ship.
If it floats, it's a ship.
- If it doesn't float, it's - BOTH: Not a ship! (HORN BLARES) - Let us begin! - Yeah! A cowboy hat? BOTH: Can this be a ship? - This is definitely gonna float.
- I don't think it's a ship.
- Oh.
Oh! - No! Eric! Eric! BOTH: Not a ship! BOTH: Can this be a ship? - You really think a rock could be a - Small rocks float.
Stop! Look! It's called a submarine.
BOTH: Not a ship! Can this be a ship? What even is that? Like a bubblewrap It's a bubblewrap turtle, yes.
- Yeah.
That's a good ship.
- That is such a good ship! BOTH: Is a ship.
- Yo! - A burrito-ship? BOTH: Can this be a ship? I guarantee you, this will sink.
Stop! Well, that's like a block of - Ohh! - What? He just couldn't ride in the beast! A cell phone! BOTH: Can this be a ship? - Ooh! Ooh! - (CELL PHONE RINGS) - What a waste of a phone.
- Is that your grandmother calling? - What? - That is your phone.
- What? Dude, I'm on a 10-year plan! - (LAUGHING) - Call someone who cares! - That's not funny! This is but another episode of (BOTH SPEAK) If you want to borrow my horn I don't have any - (HORN BLARES) - Yeah! - Rocket? - Lame.
- The water cycle? - Boring! Fully-functioning satellite? - Winner! - Yeah! Think we got this.
All the other projects vacuums? 'Cause all I'm hearing is sucking! BOTH: Oh! So, what do you think of your satellite? It's really big, but I didn't build any of it.
What? Savannah.
You made this happen.
You said, "satellite," and now bam! There's a satellite.
But I don't even know what it does.
Savannah! You're an adorable seven-year-old girl.
Just stand next to the satellite, be yourself, and read this script we wrote, word for word.
Mm-hmm.
(HORN BLARES) Viking Guy? What are you doing here? My young brother is doing a project on the science of Vikings.
Viking Child, show them exhibit "A.
" Exhibit "B.
" Mm-hmm.
- Exhibit "C"! (LAUGHS) - (THUDS) - (GIGGLES) - He's only seven years old, but he's catapulting at a 12-year-old level.
Hey, Savannah, which kid is Simon? Virtual reality? Look at the parents.
So proud of themselves.
(NO DISCERNIBLE DIALOG) They clearly did the whole project and totally cheated our little Savannah, who worked her butt off on her project.
- It's disgusting.
- Oh.
And look at them.
They probably told him exactly what to say and what to do.
So, remember: Stick to the script and don't touch the satellite.
- Good luck.
- Have fun.
"This satellite is g Geo" (BOTH WHISPER) Geosynchronous.
I don't know how to say these words.
And I don't wanna do this! Viking Guy: I can't see anything! Am I missing something important? I feel like I might be! - What's up guys? I'm Paige.
- I'm Frankie.
And we're Bizaardvark.
- Can pizza ever be bad? - I don't know.
Let's find out.
It's the We are going to take turns choosing toppings - from each of these bags.
- Mm-hmm.
Some of the toppings will be delicious, others will be disgusting.
Then we're put them in the pizza oven over there (ITALIAN MUSIC PLAYS) cook 'em up and eat one entire slice.
Are you ready? - Buon appetito! - Is that "yes"? - It's "buon appetito.
" - What's that mean? (ITALIAN MUSIC PLAYS) BOTH: Ah! Ooh! Ooh-ooh! It's Ooh, girl! No! It's chunky! - What? - I got I think it's pepperoni.
It's probably pepperoni.
What is it? (LAUGHS) What is it? - What I - It's - Mmm! - On a pizza? I don't know what these are.
I think they're, like Ah! (SHOUTS) (SCREAMS) (SCREAMS) (GAGS) - FRANKIE: Ooh, I know.
(LAUGHS) - That smells like dead fish! Oh no! I got mushrooms! (LAUGHS) - (BELL DINGS) - Oh my gosh, this smells so bad.
- I don't wanna do this.
- I'm so excited to try this.
What about you? Are you excited? - Not at all.
- Oh yeah, me too.
- Mmm.
- Is it good? You want? Mmm, I'm sorry.
- Ooh! - (SCREAMS) (DISTORTED LAUGH) - What did we learn? - Pizzas BOTH: Can be bad.
Hey! Oh my gosh! No! (DISTORTED) Why? Savannah? What's wrong? (SNIFFLES) I don't wanna do my satellite project.
I wanna do my cricket project.
But if you do that, we'll lose.
You mean I'll lose! This was supposed to be my project, and you guys didn't let me do any of it! - Well, we were just trying to help you win.
- Yeah.
I don't care if I win.
I just love science.
Frankie, what's wrong with us? We are so sorry, Savannah.
We made this whole thing about us and we totally ignored what you wanted.
Is there any way we can make it up to you? (GIGGLES) I have an idea.
- Chirp, chirp? - Chirpity, chirp, chirp! (WHISPERS) We could add some jokes if you want.
- Stick to the script.
- Okay.
Are you sure? 'Cause I still feel like we could win this thing.
Do you want to make me cry again? - Chirp, chirp, chirp.
- Chirpity, chirp, chirp! (BOTH CHIRPING) (CHIRPING CONTINUES OVER HEADSETS) The chirps keep getting louder.
This proves the existence of an undiscovered cricket planet! Ed, you were right! Oh.
No, no, no.
I hear little kids.
It's obviously a science fair.
You are why no one talks to us here! All right, Bernie.
You've had three glasses of water and five bathroom breaks.
I'm ready for the presentation.
Right.
The presentation Bizaardvark's future depends on.
- Can I get more water? I'll just - Bernie.
Okay.
Here goes.
A lot of people ask, where does the name Bizaardvark come from? (MOUTHS) But we won't get into that today.
No.
That's stupid.
That's blank.
Now, don't quit on me, Liam.
(LIAM THINKING) Quit.
Ah, to quit.
(SOOTHING MUSIC PLAYS) (SIGHS) No more boring Vuuugle problems.
This is how a man should live.
Right, mermaids? Liam yeah.
And that sums up the future of Bizaardvark.
Any questions? Uhh nope.
That checks out.
Really? Yes? Cool! No take-backs!