Bizaardvark (2016) s03e19 Episode Script


1 Hey, Frankie.
You got some mail.
Oh! It's from my Aunt Sylvia.
I hope it's money.
(gasps) Oh! Glitter! Why would she put that in there? It's all over me! It's coating my esophagus.
I can't breathe! (coughing) You're being a little dramatic, don't you think? It's just glitter.
It's fun.
(clock ticking) (screaming) Frankie! It's in my belly button.
And I have an outie.
An outie! Glitter is the worst.
Once it's on you, it never comes off.
There's only one thing to do.
Take down the entire global glitter industry one shiny factory at a time.
Yes! Well, I guess.
Or we can make a Bizaardvark video warning people about the dangers of glitter.
Sounds easier.
But watch your back, big glitter.
We're coming for ya.
Hey, guys.
Can you be guest speakers in our class and talk about making videos? Sure.
But you guys make videos too.
Why do you want us? Because you're the defining voice of a generation.
Wow! Thank you.
That means so much.
Also we have crushes on two girls and they're huge Bizaardvark fans.
I feel like that's the real reason.
Honestly, I just like to feel needed.
We'd love to speak to your class.
Anything to foster young love.
- Thanks! - You guys rock! Yeah we do.
(gasps) How did the glitter get in my bed? It's on my pillow, Paige.
Where my mouth goes! Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! Remember, we're gonna introduce you and then you guys are gonna talk about Bizaardvark.
Whatever you do, just don't embarrass us.
Okay, we won't.
Just tell us which two girls you have crushes on.
It's Tiffany and Mallory.
They're in the front row.
(giggling) RODNEY: Okay.
Without further ado, we'd like to introduce two girls who are definitely not our girlfriends That's right.
We're totally single.
Please welcome Bizaardvark.
(applause) Thank you.
I'm Frankie.
This is Paige.
And Oh no.
She wrote a speech.
The dictionary defines creativity as Yeah, I think you get the idea.
We make videos, you have questions.
Let's hear them! GIRLS: Ooh! Ooh! Whoa.
This is a lot of hands.
I'm just gonna randomly pick.
Uhh You two.
What are your names? I'm Mallory.
This is Tiffany.
Those are names we haven't heard before.
Beautiful names.
Very beautiful.
Oh no.
I think Frankie likes me.
Keep your options open.
Oh my gosh.
There's so much I want to know about you guys.
Like, how'd you first meet? You know, I think we could answer that question better if this room was situated a little differently.
Zane, Rodney, why don't you come down and sit next to the girls? Yeah, that's right.
Get these other kids out of the way.
Come on.
Just move the desks together.
FRANKIE: Alright.
Ha-ha! And Perfect.
I have a question.
Why are you called Bizaardvark? Wow! You're cute and you ask great questions.
You are going to make some boy very happy someday.
I can't remember which one.
Uh, Bizaardvark is a combination of bizarre and aardvark.
It's called a wombo.
What's your next Bizaardvark video going to be about? Funny you should ask, Mallory or Tiffany, because we just came up with a new idea.
We're really excited to shoot it.
Yeah, it's called "Glitter Glitter Everywhere.
" It's about how once you get glitter on you, you can never get it off.
You literally have to shake your entire body, like this.
(giggling) And that dance, my friends, is called "The Glitter Jitter.
" - Ooh, I like that.
- I just made it up.
Also it rhymes.
Hey, Willow.
What are you watching? The new episode of Lucy Lightning.
Which one's Lucy Lightning? Uh The one with the lightning bolt on her superhero suit.
And who's that guy? That's The Destructinator.
He wants to decimate the Earth and pillage all of its natural resources.
Uh huh, uh huh.
Is he a good guy or bad guy? I'm gonna pause this and watch later.
You really love Lucy Lightning, huh? I do.
She kicks butt, she loves the environment, and most importantly, she's a strong woman and a mother of three.
I wish I could tell her what a big fan I am.
Why don't you write her a letter? From the ten seconds I've seen of this show, I can tell she's definitely the type of person who would write you back.
I never would have thought of that without you, Bernie.
I'm gonna go write Lucy Lightning a letter right now! Great! You go, girl! Bernie.
What did you do? I used really outdated slang.
No! About Willow.
Her writing a letter to Lucy Lightning is a terrible idea.
When she was five, she wrote to Fred the Furry Bunny and he never wrote back.
She cried for days and swore never to hop again.
Poor girl took up skipping and never looked back.
Man, this could go really bad.
Well, good luck.
You're not leaving, you're a part of this now.
We're gonna write a letter to Willow pretending to be Lucy Lightning.
Can I use my smelly markers? I don't care.
But no.
Behold! 2,000 pounds of glitter! (sighs) I may have over ordered.
But we're set to shoot our "Glitter Glitter Everywhere" video.
You ready, Frankie? I've never been in a room alone with this much glitter before.
Don't open a window.
Don't turn on a fan.
And whatever you do, don't make it angry.
Sweet! Barrels! Let's push them.
Nooooo! (all yelling) Oh.
The glitter's wrapped in bags.
What sensible packaging.
What's up, guys? We just wanted to say thank you for talking to our class.
Tiffany and Mallory were so inspired by you guys they started their own channel.
(upbeat music playing) Hey, guys.
I'm Mallory.
I'm Tiffany.
BOTH: And we're Ludicrats! That's a wombo of ludicrous and cats.
Ludicrats! Introducing our first video ever BOTH: Glitter Glitter Everywhere! 'Cause glitter never comes off Until you do the Glitter Jitter! (scoffs) They ripped us off.
Aren't they ten? Don't they need parental permission to post videos? Hi, I'm Tiffany's mom and I approve this video.
"Approve this video"? Does she approve of her daughter being an idea stealer? Ahh! Loose glitter? Be consistent with your packaging, people! Your girlfriends stole our idea! Paige, how are you not mad? Those girls ripped off our Everything! Yeah, but they probably didn't know what they were doing.
They're ten! They're clueless.
Look at Zane and Rodney.
What are we talking about? Sports stuff.
You wouldn't understand.
Let's chat.
So, Frankie's kinda mad about the video thing.
Yeah, super mad.
And what those girls did was technically wrong.
Beyond wrong! But young love is on the line.
You're You're losing me.
So let's all agree to make this work so that two future couples can live their best lives.
And I'm out.
We just have to go find those girls and explain that what they did was wrong.
- Come on, Frankie.
- ZANE: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Yeah, that's gonna be a no can do-sie on the Tiff and Mal sitch.
You guys talking to them would totally embarrass us and salt our game.
We don't want to be game salters.
Why don't you let us talk to them? We'll chat, ten-year-old to ten-year-old.
Actually, Mallory's ten and a half.
I like the older ladies.
Trust us.
We know how to talk to girls.
Uh Are you guys gonna say anything? You've just been standing there staring at us for like, ten minutes.
Anywho, remember how we're like really good friends with Bizaardvark? Well you mighta kinda stole their glitter video idea.
What? We stole their idea? We're sure it was and honest mistake.
A lapse in judgement.
A faux poo, as they say.
Oh my gosh, of course it was a mistake.
I feel so bad.
We have to apologize to Paige and Frankie.
Can we come over and talk to them? - To our house? - Where we live? Great.
We'll come over tomorrow.
See you then.
Technically this is a date.
You know what that means, right? No, I do not.
Me neither.
We should do some research.
We just got ourselves an all access pass to Bizaardvark's idea factory.
That was almost too easy.
You don't think the boys are on to us, do you? After you, Tiffany.
No, after you, Mallory.
I think we're good.
We have to write a letter to Willow from Lucy Lightning.
Since we don't know what Willow wrote, let's just keep the response generic and fun.
Got it.
Dear Willow, can you believe how expensive generic body wash is getting? Especially the fun scents, like vanilla and that blue one at the grocery store What is wrong with you? Willow is a ten year old girl.
Just write what I say.
Dear Willow, this is Lucy Lightning.
I love saving trees.
My favorite breakfast is cereal No.
No, no, no.
Lucy Lightning is a patriotic superhero.
Her favorite breakfast would be something All-American, like French Toast.
Forget breakfast.
Let's just say her favorite color.
That's not even a real color! (sighs) I should write this letter by myself.
Amelia! Bernie! Guess what? I got two letters back from Lucy Lightning! Wait, I sent her a letter.
Did you send her a letter? Of course I did.
You said, "I should write this letter by myself.
" No.
I said I should write this letter by myself.
I feel like we're saying the same thing here.
Ugh! Amelia, are you okay? You're turning plur-quoise.
These letters have a lot of opposite information.
This letter says her favorite animals are dolphins.
This letter says pirates.
Pirates? So lit.
Her favorite foods are cereal and French toast? Her favorite activities are saving trees and shopping for body wash? Wait, I see what's going on here.
Okay, fine.
Willow, we She's coming over for lunch tomorrow! Wait.
What? In my letter, I invited Lucy Lightning over for lunch.
And in this more sloppily written letter, she wrote at the end, "See you soon.
" And tomorrow's soon, so I better start cooking! "See you soon?" Why would you write that? Okay, okay.
I had a real quandary on how to end my letter.
Okay? "Love" felt too strong.
"From" felt too cold.
And "Fondly?" Where am I from, England? Great.
Thanks to your "See you soon," Willow's expecting a huge TV star to show up at our house and eat lunch with her.
Congratulations, you're gonna make a little girl cry very hard.
Well, there's nothing we can do about it now.
Take care.
Warm regards.
Ah, any of those would have worked.
(knocking) Dude, that's the girls.
How's my breath? (breathes) Terrible.
Like a man's.
BOTH: M'ladies.
RODNEY: Care to sit down? May I offer you a footstool? An ottoman? My back? Actually, we'd like to apologize to Paige and Frankie before we do whatever this is.
They're upstairs.
It would be our honor to escort you there.
After you.
Yes, after you, madames.
Oh, they're already upstairs.
Should we go up? No.
That's just what they'll be expecting us to do.
Man, you really know girls.
(knocking) Come in! Well, well, well.
Look who's here.
It's the copy-crats.
Or the girls who made an honest mistake but only because they're little kids crats.
Yeah, about that.
The boys talked to us and told us that you were upset.
We're so sorry.
We weren't trying to copy you.
Yeah? Well, you're gonna need a better explanation than that.
We love Bizaardvark and think you you guys are so cool and we were just trying to be like you because you're our heroes.
All right, that'll do.
Well, we should probably get back to the guys Oh, I see what's going on here! You two "stole our idea" so you could come over and "apologize to us," but really you just wanted to hang out with the boys.
Ah! I love love! Yep.
You got us.
Please don't tell Zane and Reggie.
You mean Rodney.
To you he's Rodney.
But to me, he's Reggie.
Oh shoot, Mel, my mom's here to pick us up early.
We're so sorry, Paige and Frankie.
Thank you for hearing us out.
It'll never happen again.
Those two weren't so bad.
Maybe you were right.
Frankie, when are you gonna realize I.
And people.
You know I hate it when you do that over dramatic pause thing, right? But how else.
Would you know.
You're wrong? That would actually be a good video idea.
"Over dramatic Pause.
" Like over dramatic paws, about a pretentious dog actor who believes all his movies are Paw-scar worthy.
- (giggling) - I'll go write that down.
Where's our idea notebook? (gasps) Oh my gosh.
They stole all our video ideas! Why are we still using a notebook? I've been telling you we should go digital! I told you once, I'll tell you again.
I don't trust the cloud! - You worked up? - Oh yeah.
So what do we gonna do about the boys? The boys? No, I was talking about getting back at those evil little girls.
Frankie, Zane and Rodney are our friends and they're gonna be crushed when they find out Tiffany and Mallory were just using them to steal our ideas.
Those girls are liars! They need to learn not to mess with Bizaardvark.
Frankie, this isn't about us, it's about Zane and Reggie.
- Rodney.
- Ugh! She put it in my head.
But he does look like a Reggie.
Look, I know you believe in nonsense like love and children having a purpose, but the right play here is revenge.
And when Zane and Reggie know what they did, they'll agree.
He does look like a Reggie! Hey guys, we need to talk about Tiffany and Mallory.
BOTH: We're listening.
Um, so this may be hard to hear, but they only pretended to like you to get close to us.
Now, I have several revenge options I can interest you in.
Are you looking for something demoralizing or something that will scar them for life? That won't be necessary.
I kinda wanna see what's in the briefcase We're not the revenge types.
It's kinda immature, don't you think? But those girls are making fools out of you.
- Don't you want to get back at them? - No.
- Ahh! I almost got a peek that time! - (sighs) Ladies, we appreciate you looking out for us.
But a three day relationship can really change a man.
We'll handle it.
Sometimes not getting revenge is the best revenge.
No, the best revenge is revenge! Am I the only horrible person in this house? Agh, she took the briefcase! I hope Lucy Lightning likes jalepeño poppers.
What are we gonna do? Willow is gonna be crushed when Lucy Lightning doesn't show up.
She's just a kid.
Don't worry.
I wrote Willow a new letter from Lucy Lightning.
Dear Willow, I can't come to lunch.
I have a cat funeral to attend.
Did you go with cat funeral just so you could say "meee-ouch?" Oh yeah.
What would Lucy Lightning do? I have an idea.
Bernie, do not show Willow that letter.
Just go out there and stall her for a few minutes.
Okay Willow, prepare to meet the small talk master.
Hey, Lil Will.
Hey Bernie.
How are you? Uh Uh Lucy Lightning's at a cat funeral! Excuse me, citizens.
I'm looking for Willow Duckworth.
BOTH: I'm Willow Duckworth! I'm so excited to meet you, Lucy Lightning! It's an honor.
Jalapeño popper? It is I, Lucy Lightning! Here to have lunch with an adorable little Oh boy, it's Lucy Lightning.
Yes! That is the real Lucy Lightning.
Which means you must be her evil and not quite as professionally dressed clone! That seemed like an unnecessary drive-by.
But yes, since the real Lucy Lightning's here, and this might be confusing for a little girl, there's only one thing for an evil clone to do go hang out in the Game Room.
Or you could fight! Bernie! I mean, random, balding citizen.
There's no need for us to Yay! Fight! What's happening? Uh Not sure.
Let's just pretend to fight for a couple of seconds, then you go down and I win.
Uh, I'm the superhero here, so if anyone's going down, it's you.
Fair enough.
Lucy Lightning! Stun her with your power band! Right! Pretend to die when I touch you.
Keep it simple.
(suspenseful music playing) Agh! - (gasps) - Oh! (groaning) All I ever wanted was to be the most beautiful evil clone who ever lived.
And I have achieved that goal.
But the real Lucy Lightning was too smart for me to win this battle.
Time to die.
(applause) What is this house? That was great, Meels.
You really got the world of Lucy Lightning even though in your fake letter, you didn't seem to know anything about it at all.
Wait, you knew the letters were fake? Of course I did.
One of them smelled like "Amelia, the Perfume," and the other one had stationery that said "From the Desk of Bernie Schotz.
" That one was mine! Why didn't you tell us you knew? You were trying so hard.
I didn't want to break your hearts.
You're just kids.
Tiff, I know our relationship can weather any storm, so I'm just gonna come right out and ask.
Did you guys use us just to get close to Bizaardvark? Yeah, we sure did.
Mal, I thought we had something special.
We don't.
Never have.
Look, there's a right way and a wrong way to go about life, - and I think - We don't care what you think.
We're done with you guys.
Can you move away? Oh.
I know what you girls are doing.
And since I have the benefit of experience Doesn't that just mean you're old? Old? Pfft! Can an old person do this? Ow.
That was terrible.
Oh, and by the way, thanks for your ideas.
We took five of them.
The rest were lame.
Just like Zane and Rodney are lame.
BOTH: Lame lame lame lame lame lame lame.
You still got that revenge plan? Oh yeah.
No way! Our first piece of Ludicrats fan mail? (suspenseful music playing) (girls screaming) I can't get it off! Ugh, it's everywhere! Nobody messes with Bizaardvark! Or Zane and Rodney! Right guys? Guys? Here, we'll help you with that.
We're so sorry.
Take us back, m'ladies.
Why do we do anything?