Bob Hearts Abishola (2019) s01e14 Episode Script

Full-Frontal Dottie

BOB: Screw Uber! I'm with you yellow dudes.
I know you all drive around in circles to jack up the fare, that's cool.
I respect the hustle.
By the way, if you smell something funny, it's me.
I haven't taken a bath in, like, three days.
At this point, I'm making my own gravy.
And you know why? Because being clean and daisy-fresh is for guys with girlfriends and jobs.
All I got is this roadie of bourbon and my new friend Pamir.
Hey, Pamir, did I say it right? - Yes.
- All right, Pamir! What's going on? Making Mom dinner.
Look at you guys stepping up.
Just trying to show how much we love her.
Nice, what you making? Lasagna and Caesar salad with homemade dressing.
Bufalino's Trattoria? It's a chain, but I'm sure there's some Italians there.
So, cooking Mom dinner meant going to get takeout from a restaurant? Oh, no.
They delivered.
Took a while.
That's why we're reheating it.
In the oven, not the microwave.
'Cause we love her.
Quickly, come and see this.
What's going on? Just come.
Do Nigerians eat pasta? Of course.
I told you they eat regular food.
- What's going on? - Stand next to your mother.
Go ahead, Mrs.
Oh, my God! - It's amazing! - I don't believe it! Pretty good, huh? - Ah! - Ooh, kick me, kick me! Ow! (LAUGHING) Easy, Bruce Lee.
Okay, my turn, my turn! Ooh! Child abuse! Child abuse! I told you you could do it.
You were right, thank you.
I am so happy for you, Mom.
- Thank you, Bobby.
- Yeah.
Before you know it, you'll be out of this chair, back in your own house, living your life back in your own house.
What I want is to go back to work.
And you will eventually.
I'm going in on Monday.
The Monday coming up? That's the one.
You sure you're ready? Yeah, you don't want to jump back into work until you, you know, can jump a little.
Yeah, but you could always call us or FaceTime.
Or, heck, you could get old school and write us a letter.
You have such beautiful handwriting.
You guys don't want me to come back.
- No - No Nope.
Well, it doesn't matter.
Last time I looked, I'm still the majority shareholder of MaxDot, so playtime is over.
We haven't been playing.
We've been working real hard.
They actually have.
"Actually"? I used the word correctly.
How exactly is this gonna work? I mean, you're still kind of incapacitated.
Abishola's gonna help me.
You're coming to the office? Is that a problem? No, although I would've liked a heads up.
Why? That's a great question.
Do I smell lasagna? No.
("IFANLA" BY SOLA AKINGBOLA PLAYING) I am so excited about your mother.
Something tells me you are not.
No, no.
I'm real happy she's getting better.
It's just, her being back at work kind of I want to choose my words carefully here.
It makes me sick with fear.
You are joking.
Nope, the stomach acid is coming right up into my throat as we speak.
I will admit I have seen her be difficult at times.
No, what you've seen is a woman in her golden years dealing with a very serious health setback.
What I'm talking about is the embodiment of evil in a blue pantsuit.
You are exaggerating.
You know why my father died so young? - Why? - Because he wanted to! It was his only way out! That is a terrible thing to say.
Well, you don't know.
You've only seen the Bride of Frankenstein before the lightning hits her neck bolts.
I can't believe - you can be so disrespectful.
- Yeah.
It'd be disrespectful if it wasn't true.
Do your brother and sister feel the same way? If I know Douglas and Christina, they don't feel anything right now.
(LIQUID BUBBLING) (EXHALES) Dad did it right.
Heart attack's the only way to get away from Mom.
Nothing beats the sweet release of a massive coronary.
(STRAINING) What are you doing? Trying to have a heart attack.
(STRAINING) Wait, I'll join you.
(BOTH STRAINING) (BOTH LAUGHING) Ah, heart attacks are hilarious.
They're really hard.
(COUGHS, LAUGHS) I think what you are forgetting is that your mother has had a brush with death, and that changes people.
It's true.
It gives them perspective and compassion.
You're adorable.
Goodbye, Bob.
No kiss? I don't kiss disrespectful sons.
(DOOR OPENS) Well, you could close your eyes and pretend I'm someone else! (DOOR CLOSES) That's not her usual sour puss, is it? KEMI: Nope.
That is a more puckered puss than usual.
Can we please just eat? - Sorry.
- Okay.
How could I have gotten involved with such a terrible man? Ah, Bob is the lemon she's sucking on.
- Forget it.
- Nah, come on.
What'd the sock man do? He doesn't want his mother to go back to work, even though it is good for her recovery.
That's terrible? Here I was, thinking you caught him with a hooker.
- What? - That's just me.
It's where my mind goes.
I went there, too.
A good son would put her needs first.
She's right.
Where we come from, elders must be respected above all else.
You guys always say that this isn't Nigeria.
In America, we show our respect by moving as far away from our parents as possible.
And you're proud of that? Yes.
That's how this country was built.
You ever heard the phrase, "Go West, young man"? What that really means is "Stay East, Mom.
" Is that how you feel about your mother, hmm? Kemi, when my mother retired and moved to Hawaii, you know what my first thought was? Damn, now I can't go to Hawaii.
That doesn't make any sense it's the Hawaiian Islands.
You can just visit a different one.
No, they're too close together.
She'd know I was there.
- - ABISHOLA: Good morning.
Are you ready for your first day back at work? I don't know, maybe Bob was right.
Maybe it is too soon.
Don't listen to him.
You need to stay positive.
Mm, I'm trying, I'm just worried I'm not up to it.
Yes, you are.
You are getting stronger every day.
Remember how wonderful it felt to kick your children? That was fun.
You'll be fine.
And I'll be right there with you.
Thank you, Abishola.
Now, eat your breakfast, and I'll pull out some nice clothes for you to choose from.
Get me the blue pantsuit.
I can't believe I'm scared to go back to my own company.
That is natural, it will pass.
Yeah, I hope so.
I'm not the woman I once was.
Oh, Mrs.
Wheeler, the world does not feel sorry for you, so don't waste your time feeling sorry for yourself.
Wow! You are one stone-cold badass, aren't you? Yes.
- And so are you.
- Aw.
I wish.
I've always been a real softy.
All right, listen up! Mommy's back, and you're all grounded.
Call your wives, husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends, whoever's dumb enough to sleep with you.
Tell them not to wait up.
We're working late.
- We got you a "welcome back" cake.
- Not now.
Not now.
Well, don't stand there gawking at me! Move it! Thanks again.
(KNOCK ON DOOR) Come in.
Sorry to bother you, but your mother wants to see you.
And she sent you to tell me? Yes, and to snag her a Coke Zero.
Well, tell my mother I'm busy and I'll be there as soon as I can.
She said now.
And I said as soon as I can.
All right.
I'll tell her you have other priorities.
I'm coming.
ABISHOLA: Douglas, your mother wants to see you in her office.
May I ask what this is regarding? No, you may not.
I'm not the only one that's eating her cake.
Just come now.
The top shelf is community property.
(KNOCK ON DOOR) It's open.
Hello, Bob.
Hey, hiding from my mom? She knows I'm here.
She wants to see you in her office.
Is that so? It is.
She also wants you to bring last quarter's P&L statements and the current projection for the remainder of the fiscal year.
Ooh, listen to you.
You should.
I got a bad feeling about this.
- Me, too.
- I think I had too much cake.
DOTTIE: Come on in.
Sit down.
She's got minions.
I see them.
Here's the stuff you asked for.
- Give it to Goodwin.
- Why? He has a degree in economics.
You do? Summa cum laude, University of Lagos.
Go, Crabs! So, you summoned us.
What do you need? Well, for starters, I would like to know why, in my absence, you decided to start manufacturing compression sleeves.
Oh, uh, actually, that was our idea.
See, all the kids are wearing them now 'cause they see the pro athletes wearing them, and it seemed like a natural extension of the MaxDot brand.
Also, they're cheaper to make.
We used the same latex blend that's in our socks.
Instead of the toe pouch, though, it's there's, you know, another hole.
Where the, where the toe pouch was.
And you let this happen? Yeah.
I thought it was a good idea.
Plus, we're testing it on a small scale, so why not take a chance? Abishola, will you kindly tell my son why not? What's she got to do with this? She is a health care professional and my trusted executive assistant.
Executive assistant? Yesterday she was giving you sponge baths.
Keep talking and that'll be your new job.
Abishola? The success of your company has been as a medical supplier.
Doctors tell their patients to wear your socks to improve circulation.
Famous athletes tell kids to wear athletic sleeves to look cool.
So we'll hire LeBron James to be our spokesperson.
LeBron has a lifetime deal with Nike worth over a billion dollars.
Then another guy.
Get your sponge ready.
Mom, if we don't take chances, we don't grow.
If we take stupid chances, we go under.
Abishola, you get now what I was talking about? (GROANS) What was he talking about? He compared you to a famous monster made out of dead bodies.
Oh, come on! - I can't - Uh-uh.
Just wait.
- I mean, what does she think - (SHUSHES) DOUGLAS: We got to do something, man! We got to do something! What about Goodwin and Kofo? I thought those guys were cool.
Well, forget them.
What about Abishola? Oh, please.
We all knew she was gonna leave you eventually, but not for Mom.
You got to fix this, man! You got to fix this! All right! All right! I actually don't know what to do.
- We need to talk.
- (SHUSHES) Your mother is taking a nap.
Talk about what? You're kidding, right? Everything I warned you about has happened, and honestly, you're making it worse.
Well, I think I am helping.
Your mother has purpose now.
She's determined to get better.
Well, that's great, but what about me? Does her being determined have to be at my expense? We talked about this in the car, and the answer is yes.
You know what? Forget it.
Just call me when she wakes up.
I'll talk to her myself.
She instructed me to wake her at 4:00.
- Great.
I'll come back then.
- No, no.
That's when I have a meeting with her.
Why do you have a meeting? (SHUSHES) She said she would like to spitball some ideas with me.
" Terrific.
Can I talk to her after that? Mm, I'll try to squeeze you in.
She has a hard out at 5:00.
What is happening? (KNOCKING ON DOOR) - Hey.
How you feeling? - Tired.
Yeah, me, too.
What do you have to be tired about? I was the one putting out fires all day.
Or starting them.
All right, let's hear it.
Eh, I don't want to fight with you.
That's good, 'cause I'd kick your ass.
Look, I'm happy you're feeling better.
- I'm happy you're back at work.
- But? Go on.
Today was one of the worst days of my life.
There you go.
You see? You can always talk to your mother.
I don't get why you want to be stuck in that warehouse.
You have enough money to retire, go on a cruise.
You could go right now.
All those ships have ramps.
Hey, listen, I would happily step away if I thought you kids could keep the company going.
We can.
And for the record, that's what we've been doing.
You've been putting socks on people's arms.
That was one idea.
Douglas and Christina were excited about it, - and I wanted to be supportive.
- Supportive? You're not supposed to be supportive, you're supposed to be the boss.
I am the boss, but I'm also their brother.
And I'm their mother, but I'll stuff them both in a duffel bag and toss it in the lake before I let them take down this company.
Real nice.
Screw nice.
Nice doesn't get you a secret bank account in the Cayman Islands.
You have one of those? No.
Look, whatever.
I-It's your company.
If you don't like the way I run it, - maybe you should do it yourself.
- Maybe I should.
I'm gonna go do something else with my life.
I quit.
Bobby, wait.
What? Good luck in your new ventures.
BOB: Okeydoke, Pamir.
Time to go show those fools what a happy man smells like.
Oh, right.
All right.
You got my number.
I expect you to call me.
We will hang.
(SHOUTS) Saved the cup.
Well, well, well.
If it isn't Benedict and Arnold.
Wheeler, are you okay? Never better, Arnold.
We were told you were taking a much needed vacation.
Well, you were lied to, Benedict.
I know you're talking about me.
I sprechen Sie Yoruba.
Who's up for a game of forklift tag, huh? KOFO: Mr.
Wheeler, no! Please, get down.
I'll give you a three Mississippi head start.
Oh, no, no.
We do not want to go to Mississippi.
(WHIRRING) (PEOPLE SHOUTING, SCREAMING) Oh, my God! (LAUGHING) I knew he'd come back.

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