Bob Hearts Abishola (2019) s02e03 Episode Script

Straight Outta Lagos

1 Previously on Bob Hearts Abishola I want you to start working on the warehouse floor.
Packing, shipping, cleaning.
That sounds hard.
It is.
But after a year or two, you'll be a different person.
You'll have a new respect for the company and a new respect for yourself.
Yeah, but a year? Or two.
So, once we are married, I will be your oko.
You just called yourself a shovel.
That means "stone.
" All right.
Anyway, before we officially become oko and iyawo Male genitalia and wife.
Before we become that, there's something I'd like for you to do.
Read this e-mail for me, will you? Is it spam? Look, we might have our Nigerian princes, but you have your Publishers Clearing House.
Read it.
Uncle Tunde has still not gotten the magazines from that time you told him Just read it.
"The Michigan Undergarment Manufacturers' Association "is proud to announce that Bob Wheeler has been named Businessman of the Year.
" This is not spam.
It is not.
Oh, this is wonderful, Bob.
Eh, it's no big deal.
It's just some stupid, fancy dinner where everybody stands up and gives dumb speeches about how great I am.
I see.
- So, do you want to go with me? - I do not.
What? Why? You just said it was dumb and stupid.
I was being humble.
Don't do that.
It is an ugly trait.
What, I'm just supposed to start crowing about what a great guy I am? Are you great? Yes, I'm the damn Businessman of the Year.
Then act like it.
Abishola, I am the best at what I do, and I'm getting an award that says so.
I want you to be there when I get it.
In that case, I'll go.
Thank you.
Even if you do sound a little full of yourself.
I'll show her.
Pack her in a box.
Ship her to an old folks' home.
You don't send Christina down here.
You don't send Bob.
Perfect Bob.
- - Get out of town.
That's all of them.
You want me to get another pallet? - Oh, that's more than en - Uh-uh.
Boxes are in the back behind the shipping labels.
Uh, while you're there, organize the shipping labels.
You got it.
What? So, my cooking is not good enough for you? I just wanted to mix it up a little bit.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't realize you were such a foodie.
- Hi.
- Hey.
Abishola brings her lunch every day.
You don't give her a hard time.
She has brought the same meal for nine years.
Her taste buds are practically dead in her mouth.
Kemi, unfortunately, I won't be able to have dinner with you on Friday night.
- We have no plans on Friday.
- Good, because I have to go to a gala where Bob is being honored for his business excellence.
Ooh, nice one, sock man.
- It is not nice.
It is wonderful.
- Oh.
My fiancé is the best at what he does, and he's being named Businessman of the Year.
I'm very happy for you and extremely jealous.
- Aw, thank you.
- Mm.
Didn't Chukwuemeka just win Employee of the Month? Of the month, Gloria.
Next to Bob's achievement, it's almost pathetic.
Thank you.
Arm candy at a big gala.
You sure you're ready for that? Of course I am.
I'm just saying, when it comes to chitchatting and joking, these are not your strengths.
But you do have other great qualities, huh? - You are tall.
- Mm-hmm.
Just remember you're there to support Bob.
- Like a first lady.
- Mm-hmm.
- The first lady of socks.
- Yeah, that's good.
Just try not to give off so much Hillary.
Embrace your inner Melania.
Melania? Yes, Melania.
She's beautiful, poised, and, like Abishola, she's a hardworking immigrant on the arm of a large, sweaty businessman.
Oh, my God.
You are Melania.
- Can't I be Michelle? - No.
There's only one Michelle.
- Wow.
- Look at you, my plus-size James Bond.
I'll take it.
If someone has to win an award for White Male Businessman of the Year, I'm so glad it's you.
The award is not just for white men.
Is that right? Yeah.
My buddy Greg Ramirez won it a couple years ago.
He's half something.
Clearly, there's no problem.
Look, I hear what you're saying, but what am I supposed to do, not accept the award? No.
You have earned it.
I mean, only people who benefit from the system have the power to change it, but tonight's about you.
I'm on your side, Bobby.
Things were better when men were in charge.
That is not my side.
This industry was always great to women as long as you knew how to play the game.
Let the fellas have a look here, a grab there.
The fresher they got, the more I got.
Yeah, by "fresher," you mean "sexually assault-ier.
" Honey, you got to stop listening to those lesbians on NPR.
Mom, I agree with Christina.
Sure, you do.
Don't wink at me.
Turn your nose up all you want.
You would've done well back in the day.
- Oh, please.
- I'm just saying, you got a butt for business.
Mom, that is offensive.
Petra's Pilates every Tuesday.
It's paying off.
- Mom! - That's it.
Let them think they're getting away with something.
I love that sound.
I never got to punch out upstairs.
No matter if I came in or not, I still got paid.
A lot.
Whereas if we don't punch in and out, we lose our health benefits.
Douglas, you have done a good job this week.
- Really? - Yes.
To be honest, from our previous interactions, we expected you to be a worthless piece of excrement.
That's fair.
- But we were wrong.
- It has been a pleasure.
Thanks, guys.
I really appreciate it.
May I give you a bro hug? That'd be great.
So, Friday night, huh? Yes, it is.
You guys just go on home - straight after work? - Oh, no.
My wife often has me stop at the store to pick up sundries.
And I sometimes use the exercise equipment - in the park.
- Mm-hmm.
'Cause I was thinking it's the end of my first week.
Maybe we go get a drink or something.
Perhaps we could go for one drink.
Really? That'd be great.
I know this little hole-in-the-wall right near me.
What do you guys think? I did not expect the entrance to be an actual hole in a wall.
Right? Tatiana! These are my guys.
Treat 'em right.
This music is so loud, I can feel the bass in my bones.
I can feel the bass in my bones! There he is.
Michigan's Undergarment Manufacturers' Association's Businessman of the Year! Hello, Bob.
Well, I believe you mean, "Hello, "Michigan's Undergarment Manufacturers' Association's Businessman of the Year!" Yeah, we don't have to do that whole title every time.
Auntie, why are you crying? We are so proud of you.
Thanks, guys.
Bob, tell us, how did you do it? Well, there is a lot that goes into winning an award like this, but mostly it's about believing in your product.
If you believe, the customer will, too.
- Mm.
- You should write a book.
Business Advice from Michigan's Undergarment Manufacturers' Association's Businessman of the Year.
It's catchy.
Oh, I almost forgot.
We have something for you.
You didn't have to do that.
We wanted to surprise you! It is a tie.
Act surprised.
Well, it might have been easier to act surprised if you didn't tell me.
It is a very important tie.
It belonged to Olu's father, Ayo, who was a man of-of-of honor and integrity.
During the Biafran War, Ayo put his life on the line to save innocent Igbo refugees, feeding them, sheltering them when no one else would.
And it will now be worn by a man who lives up to his legacy.
Geez, Tunde, it's just a stupid Businessman of the Year award.
I see.
Olu! Forget the tie! The award is stupid! Could I at least see the tie? Hillary? Michelle.
Boy, Christina was right.
White guy, white guy, white guy, Ramirez, white guy.
- Oh, God.
- What is wrong? It's Gene Johnson.
Is he one of the white guys? Like, the head white guy.
You ever hear of Spanx? Yes.
Melania wears them.
Well, that's 'cause of Gene.
He's an undergarment god.
He never comes to these things.
Sounds like he could help your business.
You should go chitchat with him.
You don't chitchat with Gene Johnson.
It's Gene Johnson.
And you are Bob Wheeler, Michigan's Businessman of the Year.
I am.
Okay, I guess we're doing this.
- We're talking to Gene Johnson.
- Mm-hmm.
Hey, Gene.
- Hey.
- Bob Wheeler, MaxDot Socks.
Businessman of the Year.
- Oh, right.
- I'm a big fan, Gene.
Big fan.
What you did in '04 for the mid-calf pull-up, pure genius.
- Thank you.
- And who's this? - This is my fiancée.
- Abishola.
- Paula.
- Abishola.
That's an interesting name.
It means "born to wealth.
" It's Nigerian.
She's Nigerian.
Is that right? Sure is.
Straight out of Lagos.
Well, how do you say "cheers" in Nigerian? That's a great question, Gene.
You know, Nigeria has many languages, Yoruba being one of the most popular, and in Yoruba, "cheers" is "kara o li.
" Kara o li.
Actually, it's "kara o le.
" Li, le either way, we're drinking, right, Gene? And then she waited tables in Barcelona.
She lived all over Europe before she even came to this country.
Speaks five languages.
I mean, she could probably tell you her story better than I could.
Oh, I wouldn't want to interrupt you.
She came here for a better life for her and her son.
Works every day to put him through medical school.
- Now, that is the American dream.
- Mm-hmm.
Excuse me.
I'm going to get more wine.
Oh, and she knows how to pick 'em.
Used to be a sommelier.
Which has nothing to do with Somalia.
She taught me that.
Check it out.
It's a callus.
That is from the tape gun.
It's preventable if you wear gloves.
I don't want to prevent it.
I'm proud of it.
Makes me feel like I really earned this bottle.
That bottle is $1,200.
Right? It's like two whole paychecks.
I can't imagine spending my paychecks on vodka instead of something frivolous like rent.
Oh, no, my mom pays my rent.
It's a blessing, but it's also a curse.
How is that a curse? It's not, but I'd sound like a real douche if I didn't say that.
Yes, you have avoided that.
You know, on second thought, we must own that place because we just put in a pool.
And a pool, by the way Is a blessing and a curse? Exactly.
Oh, this is my jam! Ooh.
This douche lifestyle is definitely a blessing.
I needed a break from those guys, too.
I needed a break from you.
Me? What did I do? You are listing my qualifications to these people.
How many languages I speak, how many countries I've been to.
You told complete strangers everything about me and my son.
Well, he didn't care about me.
He wanted to hear stories about you.
Then why didn't you let me tell them? I just thought it might be better if I did not speak? Who is the most famous footwear philosopher? - What? - Sock-ra-tees.
I googled sock jokes for you.
I was ready to be fun tonight, but you never gave me a chance.
- Sir, they're about to start.
- Just a minute.
You shouldn't keep Gene Johnson waiting.
Tatiana! Tatiana! - What are you doing? - Calling the waitress.
I'm ordering more bubbly.
That's a fun word for champagne.
- Look at yourself.
- I have been.
There are so many mirrors in here.
We should not be in this place.
None of these people should be.
It's like a contest to see who can waste the most money.
Eminem's dog walker is definitely winning.
What? I met him in the unisex bathroom.
He has diamonds in his teeth.
This is not you, Kofo.
You are a man of substance.
And your father did not entrust me with your care to have you gallivanting in this house of mirrors.
Hey, guys! We have room for these ladies to rest and take off their uncomfortable shoes? - Douglas, I am sorry.
We were just - Shut up.
Ladies, I am Goodwin Aderibigbe Olayiwola.
Charmed to meet you.
Tatiana darling, two more glasses! Please, give a round of applause for our Businessman of the Year, Bob Wheeler.
Thank you, everyone.
Uh, this is a real honor to be a part of such a tight-knit community.
That joke only works here, people.
Seriously though, uh, I am so grateful, for this honor but more so for that woman right there.
That beautiful, powerful, elegant woman.
I am an idiot.
I care too much what other people think, when your opinion is the only one that really matters to me.
I should've let you shine, honey, and I didn't.
And I'm sorry.
What does this have to do with socks? If you want to speak, you should run your company better.
Then maybe you could win the award.
I love you, Abishola.
You're the best thing in my life.
Th And, uh, this is nice, too.
Thank you.
Although it should be called "Businessperson of the Year.
" Let's catch up with the times, people.
Thank you.
Why didn't you tell the "Sock-ra-tees" joke? Are you kidding? I can't tell it as good as you do.
We should go to your house.
Are you sure? It's getting pretty late.
I know how late it is.
Well, if we have a nightcap, I'm not sure I'll be able to drive you back to your place.
Well, I guess I'll have to stay the night.
You must have really loved my speech.
- It was okay.
- Mm.

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