Bob Hearts Abishola (2019) s02e04 Episode Script

Camp Bananas

1 All right, Mr.
Wheeler, I'm just recording your resting levels so we have a baseline before the stress test.
Right, then you make me run till my heart explodes.
We won't let that happen.
I'm no doctor, but it seems a little weird that you try to kill me to see if I'm gonna die.
I promise you're safe.
This is standard protocol.
Yeah, well, at one point, so were leeches.
That's true.
There was a time where if I came in here with a headache, you'd give me a spoonful of heroin.
Those were the days, huh? Whenever you're ready.
Just saying you don't need to know if I can do this because I'm never gonna do this.
The last time I ran was to catch a flight in 2004.
Turns out they changed the gate.
You know what, if you want to hear the rest of this story, you got to slow this thing down.
It seems like they stress you out on purpose so you'll fail and they can put you on expensive drugs.
(LAUGHING): Don't be ridiculous! Mm-hmm.
When were you going to tell me about the results of your blood work? You opened my medical records on your phone isn't that illegal? Only if she shows them to someone else.
Oh, my! The doctor said I'm doing great I'm down 30 pounds, - my blood pressure's good.
- Your cholesterol is too high.
It's borderline high.
It's a big difference.
You have a lot more work to do.
Well, not everything's gonna be perfect I'm like a used car.
Been through some valve replacements, had an aftermarket stent put in.
You overheat easily.
Plenty of room in the back.
The point is, I'm still running.
I see.
And still running is good enough.
I think so.
But I am wrong.
("IFANLA" BY SOLA AKINGBOLA PLAYING) Thank you all for coming.
Believe it or not, I was gonna be here anyway.
Abishola thought we should talk, because there's some things I'm gonna need your help with.
Excuse me.
Bob had a doctor's appointment Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Christina, I'm fine.
- Oh, thank God.
- You are not fine.
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Before we get all worked up, what religion was this doctor? - Mom.
- What? In this case, being Jewish is a plus.
Bob's annual checkup showed some things that can improve.
Things we can all help with.
Either that's a long walk from the fridge or I'm real thirsty.
I'm gonna get a refill.
Anybody? No? - (GRUNTS) - Douglas you can help us by having less alcohol in the house.
Hey, I'm drinking 'em as fast as I can.
Also there's far too much junk food.
On it.
I get it, Bob.
I know what it's like to have food issues and not feel supported.
Hey, when you're skinny, I'm very supportive.
It is important for Bob to manage his stress.
And with the chaos of his homelife - Chaos? - Chaos.
Between that and running the company, Bob is dealing with a lot.
Well, if he needs a break, I'd be happy to step up.
(LAUGHS) And by "step up," do you mean "do actual work"? And what is it you do? I'm on the floor with the guys making this company run.
CHRISTINA: Mom put you there on a time-out, and suddenly you're Joe Six-Pack? Or should I say 12-pack? This isn't about me! Sweetie, it's a chance for him to get another perspective.
Like when you go to crazy camp.
Don't call it that! Well, make up your mind, you won't let me call it Camp Bananas.
DOTTIE: What's wrong with you two? DOUGLAS: You're breaking all the chips, Christina! - (ARGUING CONTINUES) - You were right, that helped a lot.
I'm shocked they're not dead already.
Thank you for driving me home.
Are you kidding? I would've driven to Anchorage, Alaska to get away from my family.
What if we called in sick to work tomorrow? Uh, but I'm not sick.
We'd be playing hooky.
"Hooky"? It's an American game you'll love it.
Come on, you want me to reduce my stress, and I can think of no better way of doing that than spending a stolen day with the woman I love.
That is very poetic.
Well, that's the side of me you don't know.
The poet.
(BOTH GRUNTING) Oh, thank goodness you are here! Tunde lost the remote in the couch.
Ah, spit it out.
Spit it out! Pick me up at 8:00.
The channel changed I am close.
I'll be here at 7:00.
- Hello, Ms.
- Goodwin, Kofo, do you mind if I chill down here with you guys? Watch you work, grok your process? Okay.
"Grok"? Kofo? How long has it been since anyone from up there has said to you from an asset-based lens, "Hey, Kofo, I value you"? - Never.
- Hmm.
And you, Goodwin? Has anyone here celebrated your strengths? And said, "If you weren't here today, this box wouldn't get packed"? Kofo would just do it.
Yes, I would just do it.
Of course you would, because you are our heartbeat.
And management has tried to cut off MaxDot's heart from its brain.
Not that you two don't have brains uh, I apologize for implying that.
I own it.
I shower in my shame.
- What's going on? - I have no idea.
(LAUGHS) Douglas.
Now that you're here on the floor as a worker, uh, what can I do as your boss to make your life better? My boss? Mm, I loathe that title, but I find "superior" a little condescending.
You're not my boss or my superior.
(LAUGHS) Yes, I am.
To both.
Okay, technically.
No, not technically.
For reals.
I am your boss.
I mean, just look at what you're wearing.
Vest, vest, vest.
(WHISPERS): Like a boss.
Like a fart face.
(LAUGHS) Don't call me that.
Call you what? Fart face? (LAUGHS) I am so sorry.
Okay, I'm gonna distance myself from this energy.
Goodwin, Kofo, my door is always open to you.
Douglas get back to work! Uh, just so you know, I'm not gonna be up for much today.
My friend Agnes died, and I'm taking it pretty hard.
Oh, sorry to hear that.
Thank you.
I also heard you'd make up any excuse to get out of doing your exercises.
Fine, you got me.
Agnes did die, but nobody cares.
Hey, you want to give up, give up.
I don't want to give up.
I want to complain until you give up.
Honey, it's your life.
You want to spend it on wheels, be my guest.
Enjoy the good parking.
I know what you're doing.
Mind games.
To make me prove you wrong.
Maybe I just don't care.
You're good.
(SEAT BELT CLICKS) Okay, put this blindfold on.
Come on, it'll be fun.
What is fun about being blindfolded and driven to an undisclosed location? Would you like me to get in the trunk, too? We're lowering the stress today, remember? Can you just tell me where we're going? I don't care for surprises.
Well, to start, I booked us a couples massage at a fancy-schmancy spa.
So we're going to pay a lot of money to take off our clothes and be touched by strangers? Well, it's supposed to be romantic.
For who, us or the touchers? Okay, so we won't get a massage.
Good, aren't you glad you told me where we were going now? Oh, very.
So what else you have planned? Now I'm afraid to tell you.
Come on, I'm excited to spend a day with you.
Okay, well, I thought we'd go down to the riverfront, get one of those pedicabs to drive us around and see the sights.
You don't want to do it? I want to want to do it.
But I don't want to.
Well, fine, let's just go back to your place, and we'll stare at the wall and balance our checkbooks.
That'll be a hoot.
Or we could go to the laundromat.
- (LAUGHS): Yeah.
- There's this one on Jefferson that has the big industrial machines.
And it can wash four comforters at once.
My God, you're serious.
What is more fun than checking things off your to-do list? You know what, I changed my mind.
Get in the trunk.
Here you go.
Really? That's right work hard, play hard.
Did I work hard enough for a bourbon chaser? (LAUGHS): No.
All right, something to shoot for.
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
Nobody makes a coney like Dave's.
That place is always packed even though the health department shuts them down twice a year.
- Mmm.
- So good, even the rats wait in line.
(CHUCKLES) You know, on weekends, after my dad closed his car dealership, we'd go down to Dave's, pick up a couple of these babies.
I had acid reflux by the time I was eight.
Where'd you grow up? Uh, we were down on Wisconsin Street, Northwest.
Until middle school.
Then we moved to Oakland County.
Northwest? I went to Mumford.
- Shut up! - (CHUCKLES) I would have gone to Mumford if we hadn't left.
White flight? No, we were just looking for a change of scenery.
'Cause Black folks were moving in.
'Cause the housing prices dropped.
'Cause Black folks were moving in.
No, because Damn it.
Tell me about it.
You wanted to see me? Oh.
There you are.
Cobb salad, no cheese, extra croutons, green goddess dressing on the side.
I'm sorry, what's happening? That's my lunch order.
Okay, and I'll have a Reuben.
And onion rings.
No, I'm giving you my order for you to pick up.
Cobb salad, no cheese, extra croutons, green goddess dressing on the side.
Okay, well, that's not my job.
Oh, it is now.
I'm sorry if you don't like that, but there's a hierarchy here.
I think instead, I'm gonna go get hierarchy in the parking lot.
Douglas, you need to get used to this new dynamic.
Floor person.
Lunch orderer.
Lunch getter-er.
I will have a Cobb salad, no cheese, extra croutons Christina, I'm not getting and green goddess dressing on the side! What are you gonna do if I don't get it? That's right.
Nothing! All right.
I tried being nice.
You need to clear out your old office.
It's gonna be the new employee lounge.
- What? - That's right! I'm going full boss bitch! Well, I agree with half of that.
All right.
We're done here.
And you have a lunch to pick up.
And you have a desk to organize.
What? Okay.
You want to play that way? Let's play.
Hey, everybody.
Just a quick announcement.
Douglas wet the bed until he was 11.
DOUGLAS: Hey, another announcement.
Mom paid our cousin to take Christina to prom! He wanted to take me! DOUGLAS: No, he didn't, fart face! (LAUGHS) (GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) - Well, this is nice, huh? - Mm-hmm.
Sorry the blanket's not super comfortable.
It's all I had in the car.
It works fine.
Also, it will be useful if we catch on fire.
(CHUCKLES) I forgot how much picnics involve sitting on the ground and eating on the ground and eventually trying to get up off the ground.
If you are not enjoying yourself, then why are we here? Well, I wanted to do something nice with you, like eat cold cuts in a public park.
It's my fault.
I should have just let the strangers rub us - like you suggested.
- (CHUCKLES) No, you're right.
It's weird.
We have to find some way to reduce your stress.
Don't worry, we will.
I do worry.
I don't want to lose you.
Come here.
Seriously, you got to come here.
I can't move.
My legs are asleep.
See? Already better.
You're like my little stress ball.
Why are we so bad at this? Yeah, what would you rather be? Bad at relaxing or bad at working? Like those idiots playing Frisbee.
(ABISHOLA SCOFFS) It's the middle of the day.
Don't they have responsibilities? Nice snag, soul patch! - Get a job! - Bob.
(CHUCKLES): What? It's fun.
You want to try? I am not going to yell at a stranger.
Come on.
For me.
Your parents should cut you off from financial support the way you have cut off your career options by having that stupid tattoo.
It's a little long, but pretty good.
All right, all right.
What was on the corner of Riverside and Jefferson before it became a liquor store? Fat Tony's.
What was it before that? - Tony's.
- (LAUGHS) Okay, you did get out of the suburbs.
Here's the real test.
Ever go to Cobo Hall? You kidding me? I saw Aretha Franklin there.
- You saw that show? - Mm-hmm.
Dang, I tried to get tickets.
- Couldn't afford them.
- Yeah, tell me about it.
Luckily, my dad got some free ones from his friend at the country club.
That is lucky.
I used to go to all the spots.
I'd sneak a car from Dad's dealership, and I'd drive down to the Keyboard Lounge.
- What? (CHUCKLES) - The Grande Ballroom.
The Hideout.
- The alley behind the Hideout.
- Ooh! Girl, - you got around.
(CHUCKLES) - I did.
You never did stuff like that? You mean steal a car and drive to parts of town where nobody looked like me? No.
Well, maybe my experience was different than yours, but I love my city, - and I'm not gonna apologize for it.
- Hey, just 'cause things are messed up don't mean I don't love Detroit.
You think people will ever go downtown again? Eventually.
You know what they need? Affordable housing.
Gay people.
They really know how to transform a neighborhood.
- Well, that's a stereotype.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm just kidding.
I don't care.
This employee lounge is going to be wonderful.
It is going to be the end of us.
It's a gateway to complacency and unionization.
It will be fun, like casual Friday.
What was fun about that? When I saw Mr.
Wheeler without a suit, I lost all respect for him.
- Oh, my.
- What is it, cousin? Did you find more pornography? It is one of Douglas's pay stubs.
You shouldn't be looking at that.
Oh, my! How's it going, lounge lizards? Wait, is that offensive? How is that offensive? I always picture little Mexican lizards taking a siesta on a rock.
(CHUCKLES) Then yes, it is offensive.
Thank you.
Wheeler, do you also get paid this much? I'm sorry, what now? This one says "Q2 bonus.
" That would imply there is one every "Q.
" (CHUCKLES): Well, this is a family business, as you know, and with that comes certain There are dozens more in here! CHRISTINA: Stop looking at them! (SPEAKING SPANISH) My Spanish is a little rusty, but I think that Tía Maria's up to no good.
It washes all the comforters at once.
I even got the curtains from the living room - and a coat just because.
- (CHUCKLES) And I was gonna take you to a spa.
What an idiot.
Yes, that was very stupid.
- (SIGHS) - Do you mind if I study? Not at all.
You mind if I make a few work calls? Stop flirting with me.
We're in public.
(CHUCKLES) This is great.
- We should do it again.
You busy Thursday? - Very.
Me, too.
It's a date.
I'm yelling at him.
- I can tell.
- (CHUCKLES) Attention, brothers and sisters of the warehouse.
I just wanted to remind everybody that whether you work in the office or down on the floor, we're all family.
We really are.
CHRISTINA: But also that you need some people at the top of the family tree who maybe get a little more sunlight than the other branches.
That is how trees work.
CHRISTINA: But then we spread that sunlight down to the lower branches by buying you things.
What kind of things, Christina? Like the coffee truck that's parked right outside.
Free coffee? Awesome! Well, maybe instead of free coffee, we could discuss how the Wheeler family bonus structure could be shared amongst all the employees.
We could, but the coffee truck's only here for 45 minutes.
Okay! This has been a great talk.
Enjoy that coffee truck.
- Good job.
- Thanks.
You want to get a coffee? Yeah, but that truck's gross.
Let's go to the place around the corner.

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