Bob Hearts Abishola (2019) s02e09 Episode Script

Tunde The Boy King

1 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) ("SIGNED, SEALED, DELIVERED I'M YOURS" BY STEVIE WONDER PLAYING) Ah, hey Oh, yeah, baby Like a fool, I went and stayed too long Now I'm wondering if your love's still strong Ooh, baby Here I am Signed, sealed, delivered I'm yours Mmm Then that time I went and said goodbye Now I'm back and not ashamed to cry Ooh, baby, here I am Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours Ah Here I am, baby Oh, oh - Signed, sealed - Where are you? - Driving in.
- DOTTIE: Too bad.
You're missing Norma Rae: The Musical.
Oh, yeah.
Now that Douglas is on the floor, he's trying to spice Mondays up for everybody.
Spice 'em up? They just had two days off.
What do they need spice for? Come on, it's good for morale.
And that matters because? The employees might actually enjoy working? "Enjoy working"? When did you become a communist? I love you, Mom.
Good talk.
Ooh, baby, here I am Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours Ah Here I am, baby, whoa, oh - Signed, sealed, delivered - You got my future - In your hands, baby - I'm yours, ah Ah Here I am, baby, ah - Signed, sealed, delivered - You got my future - In your hands, baby, yeah - I'm yours, ah I've done a lot of foolish things.
We shouldn't have to wait in line.
Everybody has to wait.
Well, not everybody is sleeping with the pharmacist.
You don't know that.
That is not funny.
I'm sorry, but you have used all three of your refills.
Okay, I can explain.
Okay, see where it says to take two pills every six hours? I may have flipped that.
I think I know her.
Are you sure? Blonde, brunette, these white women all look alike.
Christina? Oh, Abishola.
Oh, my God.
What are you doing here? We are waiting for the line to move.
Hello, my darling.
Hello, my sweet puff-puff.
What's going on? This Boy Scout here won't refill my prescription.
Why are you on antianxiety medication? For situations exactly like this.
You shouldn't be on these types of drugs for extended periods of time.
Come with me.
We'll find you a nice herbal tea that will do the same thing without making you behave like a crazy person.
A tea can do that? I also have a problem that requires a natural remedy.
- Nancy, I'll take a ten-minute - Uh-uh.
35-minute break.
These numbers can't be right.
I have checked them three times.
Monday has gone from our slowest day to our most productive.
- Because of the dancing? - Yes.
I have tried to fight it, Mr.
Wheeler, but even I find the rhythms intoxicating.
Why are Wednesday's numbers so good? Are you guys bringing in a mariachi band? No, that would be silly.
Wednesday is "Douglas versus the forklift.
" Let's hear it.
Douglas claimed if we harnessed him like a plow horse, he could pull more boxes in one trip than the small forklift could in three.
Your classic moron versus machine.
He always loses, but the forklift driver has become 60% more productive.
Up until now, his best idea has been faking colitis so he could nap in the bathroom.
He has really become a valuable part of the company.
Your mother was very wise to send him to the warehouse floor.
Wheeler? Sorry.
Douglas is valuable and my mother is wise.
It's hard to wrap my head around.
It does fornicate with one's mind.
Thank you for giving me a ride home.
Oh, it's the least I can do.
It's nice to have a family member who helps when I'm in crisis instead of recording it and putting it on TikTok.
That's awful.
Google "skinny lady yells at museum guard.
" Your mother already showed it to me.
Hey, uh, thanks for letting me use the restroom.
I'll-I'll only be a second.
Oh, no, you won't.
By walking through this door, you are a guest of the family, and you cannot leave until they have decided that they have fed you enough.
So, I'm their hostage? (CHUCKLES) Yes.
Uh, Uncle? You remember Bob's sister, Christina.
Oh, lovely to see you again, - Christina.
- Great to see you, too.
Olu, we have guests for dinner! Oh, no, I just need - to use the - Abishola, you didn't tell us you were bringing company.
- No, I - Tunde, go change your shirt.
Oh, I am sorry you had to see me in these rags.
- What? No, you look great.
- I will fix you some foo-foo.
- No.
- Abishola, come.
Help me defrost the goat.
CHRISTINA: That sounds nice, - but I don't really need any goat.
- (DOOR CLOSES) I just need to use the bathroom! (KNOCK ON DOOR) - You wanted to see me? - Come on in.
Sit down.
(EXHALES) Look, have I been screwing around at work? Sure.
Have I been high at work? Sure.
But I've been at work, Bob.
You're not in trouble.
In fact, it's the opposite.
You're in trouble? No, no one's in trouble.
Douglas, I-I know you don't hear this very often or ever, but you're doing great.
At? Work.
Your job.
At MaxDot? Yeah, at MaxDot.
I'm serious.
People are looking up to you.
You're inspiring them.
You're motivating them.
How? With the dancing, the fun, the forklift race.
Someday I'm gonna win.
(CHUCKLES) I'm sure you will.
Look, I-I know you were angry when Mom put you down on the floor, but you've made the best of it.
(SCOFFS) By dicking around? By dicking around.
Morale has never been higher, and it shows in our productivity.
- Wow.
- So, in light of this, you're being rewarded for your good work.
As of today, you are Douglas Wheeler, Manager of Employee Relations.
I don't know what to say other than can I think of a cooler title? Knock yourself out.
Well, I guess that makes me your new Wizard of Fun.
Fun Wizard.
I'll order the business cards.
- (CHUCKLES) - I'm proud of you, Douglas.
And Mom? She is, too.
She said that? She texted it.
I will take it.
(CHUCKLES) Thanks, Bob.
- (CHUCKLES) - Just so you know, I won't let you down.
I know, buddy.
Hey, guys, I'm not fired! He made me a wizard! Good job, buddy.
Oh, Barbara.
There you go.
Compliments of the Fun Wizard.
Jerry, what's your poison? Blue or red? - Blue.
- Boom.
- Thanks, Douglas.
- (CHUCKLES) Goodwin, last one's got your name on it.
Thank you.
They're five each.
- What? - High five each.
You drive a hard bargain.
(BOTH CHUCKLE) I know this is my family's business, but for the first time, I feel like I'm really contributing.
You are a leader of men.
Yeah, I kind of am.
My advice when the ulcers come, embrace them.
Ulcers? With responsibility comes stress, with stress comes ulcers, with ulcers comes the bloody stools of a job well done.
- More tea? - Oh, yes, please.
Thank you so much, Olu.
Please, call me "Auntie.
" Of course, Auntie, 'cause we're family.
(BOTH LAUGHING) Because we're Nigerian.
Even the plumber calls me "Uncle Tunde.
" My plumber doesn't even know my name.
And he's seen me naked.
I love your necklace.
It was my grandmother's.
My family say I carry her spirit.
- Oh.
- Nigerians believe that our souls have lived many lives.
I believe that, too.
Well, I always thought the lessons from our past lives help guide us in the present.
Beautifully put.
- (SING-SONGY): Somebody is a poet.
- (LAUGHS) Oh, no, no, no.
Not since the seventeenth century.
(PHONE RINGING) Excuse me.
Tunde was a boy king in Egypt.
That is why I love the musical Cats.
It's fine, Bob.
Don't worry.
Is she right next to you? Just say the word "chamomile," and I'll come get her.
No, really.
Everyone's getting along.
Christina is telling us about her past lives.
Ha, ha! What's so funny about that? You buy into that crap? Hello? Hello? I have to go.
So, are we on for dinner? Hello? I'll have dinner with you, Bobby Socks.
Mom, are you listening in on my calls? When the line lights up, what am I supposed to do? Hey, guys! Looks like the Gatorade break led to a lot of bathroom breaks, which puts us way behind schedule.
So in order to catch up (RUPAUL'S "SUPERMODEL" PLAYING) I think we all need to Wait for it.
Here it comes.
You better work, cover girl Work it, girl, give us a twirl Do your thing on the runway Work, supermodel work Come on, everybody! Seriously, we all need to step it up.
Maybe you can pick a different song.
I learned the choreography to this song, so this is what we're dancing to.
Work, turn to the left Work, now turn to the right Work, sachey chantey It don't matter what you wear They're checking out your (CLEARS THROAT) I feel so regal.
You look like Queen Nefertiti.
Oh, if only.
She was a lovely girl, but a real chariot chaser, if you know what I mean.
(CLEARS THROAT) (CLEARS THROAT) Are you okay? By chance (CLEARS THROAT) were there any peanuts in these delicious cookies? How did you know? They are my secret ingredient.
(CLEARS THROAT) Uncle, could you please hand me my purse as quickly as possible? Ah.
What's going on? Oh, I don't want to be a party pooper, but I may be going into anaphylactic shock.
- Let me help you.
- Oh, no.
I've poisoned you.
It's not your fault.
I should have asked if there were peanuts in the cookies.
Here's the EpiPen.
My throat's closing.
(CLEARS THROAT) Please hurry.
(WHEEZES) So, how did you two meet? Are you feeling better? A little lightheaded.
But surrounded by love.
Uncle, help me get her to the car.
I'm going to take her to the hospital.
So, was it like a party, or did your families set you up? What are you doing? Worrying.
About? Other people, Bob.
Look at this.
Kara's selling homemade soap so her son can go to sleepaway camp.
Yeah, I bought a couple of bricks.
The oatmeal really sloughs off the dead skin.
And Jerry he had to take out a second mortgage to pay his mom's medical bills.
That's terrible.
I didn't know.
Why would you? You're not down there with the people like I am.
Douglas, I hate to tell you this, but times are tough.
Everyone's struggling.
I liked it better when I didn't know that.
Yeah, well, heavy is the head that wears the wizard hat.
(GROANS) With all this stress, how are you not a 600-pound alcoholic? I'm not as far from either of those things as I'd like.
But I think it's good to feel a little bit of the stress.
It keeps things in perspective and reminds us we have to look after each other.
Damn it.
Now I got to buy soap.
(PHONE ALARM RINGS) Well, break's over.
Ah! That's why they call it a break room, because it's where you go to take a break from work.
We were having such a good time.
And I messed it all up.
You did not.
It's so embarrassing.
It will give Auntie something exciting to tell her friends at church.
Just know when she does, you will have been dead, and she heroically brought you back to life.
I always do this.
I ruin everything.
It's not your fault you have allergies.
Oh, it's not just the allergies.
If it wasn't that, I would have said something stupid and ruined it some other way.
You know, Christina, you are really not as unpleasant as you think you are.
You're just saying that 'cause I still might die.
I'm saying that because I understand.
I also struggle to connect with people.
'Cause you care too much? 'Cause I do not care enough.
You try too hard, I do not try.
Maybe that's why we like each other.
We do? We do.
I know this might sound kind of sad, but today was one of the best days of my life.
Well, this life.
DOTTIE: Are you seeing what I'm seeing? - Yup.
- It's 8:00.
What the heck is he still doing here? He let everybody go early for the company bowling team.
Since when do we have a company bowling team? Since our Fun Wizard made it so.
You know, if he keeps this up, he may be taking your job.
Don't give me hope.
Happy Tuesday, everyone! We got a big shipment going out this afternoon, and I know you guys work up a sweat, so I got a real treat for you.
- Gatorade? - Soap! (ALL GROANING) Come on, guys.
Kara's right here.
There's no way I'm taking this all home.
Doh Doh-doh-doh, doh-doh-doh, doh, doh Doh-doh-doh, doh-doh-doh, doh, doh Doh-doh-doh, doh-doh-doh, doh, doh - Doh-doh-doh, doh-doh - Ow This hit, that ice cold Michelle Pfeiffer, that white gold This one, for them hood girls Them good girls, straight masterpieces Stylin', wildin', living it up in the city Got Chucks on with Saint Laurent Got to kiss myself, I'm so pretty - I'm too hot - Hot damn Call the police and the fireman - I'm too hot - Hot damn Make a dragon want to retire, man - I'm too hot - Hot damn Say my name, you know who I am - I'm too hot - Hot damn And my band 'bout that money, break it down - Girls hit your hallelujah - Wooh - Girls hit your hallelujah - Wooh - Girls hit your hallelujah - Wooh - 'Cause Uptown Funk gon' give it to you - Wooh 'Cause Uptown Funk gon' give it to you 'Cause Uptown Funk gon' give it to you Saturday night, and we in the spot Don't believe me, just watch, oh!
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